tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84423189486496829142024-03-12T22:26:58.944-05:00HIS Daily TeachingsThis is an account of my early morning walks of faith with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In searching for accountablity for me, the LORD used it as encouragement for others. I pray blessings for each and every life who reads HIS Daily TeachingsHis Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.comBlogger408125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-12595172808404975122019-10-28T19:34:00.000-05:002019-10-28T19:34:50.376-05:00waiting for the moment to pass.... <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
One of the hardest parts of going through child loss and learning to live life in the aftermath is how hard everything is. Being five years in, I'm not struggling to breathe anymore, or worrying if I'll ever smile again, or whether or not I'll ever stop crying. My struggles are dealing with the mundane while living with such deeply immense emotions about well basically everything. Its as though what used to hurt me a little, rips away the scars that I have from losing my son. What used to not really offend me can easily throw me off the deep end of my emotions. When that happens, it takes everything within to just keep holding on... waiting for the moment to pass.<br />
<br />
Last night after pouring my heart out into my writing my heart was aching. I was missing Seth something fierce, and to be honest I was angry in the missing. I was angry that no one understands what it's like to miss your child who lives in heaven, well that is unless your a parent whose child lives in heaven... and in that case, my heart bleeds for yours as this pain is the most excruciatingly painful thing I've ever had to go through, and I wouldn't wish this type of pain on even my worst enemy. <br />
<br />
So much I hate that this pain that I live with daily is now a part of me, and I've learned to adapt to it... well for the most part that is. However, there are times where the pain from the grief comes rushing at me in the form of agony, as I cry so much I feel myself splitting in half. Crying to the point where I am sure that my chest will cave in at any moment. Those moments I dread, I avoid... I hide from, and pray that they become less and less a part of my story. Those moments crush me and lead me into the ocean of sadness, sorrow, and pain. Those moments are where I am most vulnerable, and where my enemy preys on my weakness, and if I am not diligent, will take over my thoughts and lead me into the a sea of hopelessness.<br />
<br />
Last night this is exactly what happened, and as I was driving to work this morning I began to walk through the truth of it all with HIM. HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today has led me to understanding, in being able to SHINE HIS LIGHT on the brokenness that I experience when the waves of agony strike. HE has shown me what the enemy of my soul does in those moments where I can't think, or see beyond the loss... the missing, the desperation to just hold my son even for a moment longer. HE has met me in my brokenness, sat in my grief with me, and cried tears of agony with me as I try in all of my capabilities to understand how... or why. HE has assured me that HE is with me in all of it, leading me through the sorrow, the pain, the loss, the words, and the tears. All for HIS purpose, for me to BE HIS LIVING VESSEL to SHINE HIS LIGHT on child loss that even in that HE is still good, and when I choose to TRUST HIM HE WILL lead me to new life, full of new beginnings. HE has also drenched me with HIS grace that sometimes it's not about me being strong in the grief, rather just breathing, and waiting for the moment to pass.<br />
<br />
So much since this horrendous journey began I've wanted to be done. I've wanted my time of suffering to end. Even more so for my children's suffering to end. As a little more of me dies having to watch each of my children mourn their brother. How whenever we are together for family celebrations, vacations, and moments its still so painfully obvious that one of us is missing. They know how much their Mama cries for their little brother and don't know what to say, how to pray, or how to help, so they just sit beside me... waiting... for the moment to pass.<br />
<br />
D and I celebrated 21 years of marriage on the 17th of this month. 21 years of saying yes, that no matter what, through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow, we would love each other. Through good times and bad, sickness and health, no matter how hard things would get we would still choose each other. Both D and I wear new wedding rings as life has taken a toll on each of our health, and our original rings no longer fit. My rings that I now wear mean more to me than the original rings, as it's been in the trenches, and surviving the aftermath of life's tough blows that we've decided, we've chosen to keep choosing each other. It has been through navigating through child loss, the hardest thing parents will ever face in their marriage, that we have learned what our marriage vows really mean. Through our promises to HIM and to each other that we will get through it, no matter what. Yet at times, both of us coming undone, unsure how we can possibly survive another blow. It's in those moments where we press in, deep into our FAITH, remember HIS promises, HIS FAITHFULNESS, breathe... all while waiting for the moment to pass.<br />
<br />
So much I wish things were different. I wish that Seth could be here, that pain and sorrow wouldn't be known to us. However, I am grateful that we don't have to go through it alone. I am thankful to know, to live, to experience that HE is indeed close to the broken hearted. I am grateful that HE is making a way each new day that we are given, and we have the unique ability to sit with those who mourn, and mourn with them. I am thankful that I have been given the gift to speak about child loss, and what walking with JESUS looks like all the while struggling to TRUST that HE does have my best interest at heart. I am thankful that I have been created SET APART to be transparent in my FAITH, in sharing my struggles as well as my triumphs.<br />
<br />
So much Dear One's my prayer for you today is that if today finds you drenched in sorrow, that you will breathe and know HE is with you. I pray for courage for you to stand, to walk the narrow path no matter how hard it may be. I pray for you to be drenched in HIS grace that if you need to sit down to be able to breathe, you will be filled with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that it's okay to not be okay, and sometimes the only way through the hard parts of life is to just rest... and wait for the moment to pass. My Dear Brother's and Sister's in CHRIST JESUS, today I pray for you to press deep into your faith, proclaiming HIS PROMISES for your life, and that you will come to know HIM as I have, and that you too will SEE HIS GOODNESS in the LAND OF THE LIVING.<br />
<br />
With so much love, compassion, grace, and understanding,<br />
<br />
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,<br />
<br />
~ Heather<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-76900859336184497462019-10-27T18:30:00.001-05:002019-10-27T18:30:26.940-05:00healing through tears....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So many tears have been shed today as I have sought HIM to be broken open so that HE would be able to SHINE HIS light on my shame that has been buried in the darkest parts of my soul. Shame that was first placed on me at an age where I couldn't even possibly express myself. My earliest recollection of abuse is from when I was 2.5 years old. Abuse that lasted until I was four years old, only to leave one abusive home, and be led straight into hell on earth.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">By the time I was four years old, all of my innocence had been stolen. The abuse at the hands of my step-grandfather began, that would carry through till I turn fifteen years old. Yesterday while sitting in my therapists office, I recalled when it all began. How I felt, what my emotions were like, and in the safety of her office, I found myself sitting in the bathroom on that dreary, rainy afternoon. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I will never forget how confused I felt, and couldn't understand his praises to me, praises that would teach me, would show me, that unless I was all the things that he wanted me to be, I was bad. Praises that led me to see myself as worthless, bad, and a disappointment until I did what I was told. Praises that set the tone for my self-esteem, self-worth, and sense of belonging for the rest of my childhood, and into my adulthood.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Lies that brought about massive self-destruction in my life, destroyed any confidence in people, and destroyed relationships with those who truly did love me, and ultimately led me straight into death's vice grip. Thankfully as you know HE stepped in and rescued me, through my two precious little girls when I was just 23 years old. I couldn't fathom leaving my little girls behind, but all I knew was I needed help, and clung desperately to the hope that I would find someone to help me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Two short years later, through a devastating miscarriage of my third child, HE radically changed my life, and on my 25th birthday I gave my life to JESUS. A decision that I have yet to regret. A decision that has redeemed me from the guilt of wanting to give up my life to this world, to die, to leave this world that has wrecked me. HE saved me from death's evil clutches and blessed me with four more children. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Through each season of growing I went through unbearable heartache, change, and growth ALL for HIS glory, to ultimately HE had me forgive my step-grandfather for abusing me from the time that I was four years old until I was fifteen years old. Forgiveness that set me free from bitterness, lies, nightmares, and flashbacks. Freedom in HIM was my story. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I began to share my story of freedom in HIM, convinced that was my time of suffering. Throughout the next ten years HE would lead me on a journey of forgiving, and rebuking lies from many people in my life. Each time bringing me closer to HIM, teaching, leading, and guiding me that HE was indeed trustworthy. With each new step of obedience that I found myself taking with HIM, I was convinced that I was doing all that HE had intended for me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The more I soaked in HIS word, the more I was convinced that my family and myself were protected under HIS blood, as I was Faithfully serving, following, and obeying HIM. All the way until the morning of October 13, 2014 where I stood in my office with my son, where I pledged my life to HIM, I stood arms held high, heart abandoned, ALL in.... no matter what.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Looking back to that moment, it wasn't hard for me to give HIM ALL of me, as HE had proven HIMSELF trustworthy to me. I didn't doubt HIM that HE was for me, and I couldn't wait to SEE to experience what HE was going to do in me, through me, and for me. I was honored to BE HIS living vessel, HIS messenger of light. I was so sure that I understood what HE was asking of me..... until....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I found myself drowning in agony.... in the darkest ocean of despair, feeling so incredibly and overwhelmingly hopeless, and helpless. I was shattered beyond recognition, I couldn't even breathe, my soul cried out for me, I didn't even have to try, I trembled with pain... tears of immense sorrow pooled as oceans at my feet, drowning me to the point where I couldn't even hold my head up anymore. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For months I was barely hanging on, I was drowning, dying from weariness, sorrow, pain, and the most overwhelming grief I had ever known. I was done living for HIM, I had given into the life of surviving and had given up that any relief would ever come. Until HE reached down, lifted me out of my pit of despair, brought me to the shore.... and had me rest for almost a year. Medication that would shut down my brain to keep it from thinking, from feeling, from doing anything but resting. Rest that caused me to sleep... a lot..... to cry a lot.... to stare off into nothing a lot. Rest that would keep me from living life as a Mama of six beautiful blessings. Rest that would hinder me from being able to read HIS word, to journal my feelings, and my devastating reality. Rest that would eventually lead me to feelings of "restless" a longing was crying from my soul. Longing for life to be lived, to be experienced. Longing for any semblance of who I used to be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A longing that has led me straight to where I HE found me today. I have begun the next chapter of my journey in learning how to THRIVE in my life, through FREEDOM in CHRIST JESUS, all because JESUS DID, and HE IS. Reading Christine Caine's Unashamed is as if I were looking inside the soul of my 4, 9, 11, 14, 15, and 26 year old self. The lies that were repeatedly whispered into my soul. Today in JESUS name I rebuked those lies of shame as HE lovingly began to break open the hidden wounds of my soul, to SHINE HIS light in the darkness of my hidden shame. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I have spent the entire day reading only the inside cover, introduction, and first chapter. penning my thoughts, pouring my heart out as memories came flooding out, lies of shame, bondages that were made long before I could even begin to understand what I was agreeing to. Today has begun a journey of the little girl wounded being rescued by her REDEEMER. Today I have begun to take the steps to learn, as HE takes me on a journey of learning to LIVE in HIS FREEDOM which will ultimately lead me to THRIVE in this one life that I have been given.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today I have so much healing through my tears in learning to let go, letting out all the pain, sorrow, and shame that I've buried, kept hidden for so long. I have ugly cried for my younger versions of myself as HE has lovingly broken me open to receive HIS healing grace. Today I have come alongside of my younger self as a loving Mama and loved those broken parts of me. Pieces of me have come to the surface, memories of the most defining moments of my life, that have shaped me, that have given me the vision of who I am. </span><br />
<br />
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~<br />
<br />
10/27/19- I wrote this last year, feeling as if though I shouldn't share it, as it was just me feeling sorry for myself, as I now know this was just the enemy keeping the shame on me, and today I'm lifting the shame off me. ~ I truly believe when we pray for a breakthrough, HE will take us through it, I've seen HIM move mountains, and I believe I WILL SEE HIM DO IT AGAIN.<br />
<br />
Your Sister in CHRIST,<br />
<br />
~ Heather<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-8004690414553414702019-10-27T18:22:00.000-05:002019-10-27T18:51:00.351-05:00Back to Where it All Began....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So much has happened in the last 1.5 years. September 2018 I started working full-time for the first time in 15 years as a stay at home mom. Unsure if I was taking the right steps, HE began to lead me through my first year working full time. Steps towards healing that revealed a huge source of deep pain for me. In the same time my second oldest moved out of our home. Another step in forced change. Forced to accept, and embrace, and left me feeling as though my broken heart was exposed once again. I struggle to even write what this past year has been like, as I'm not in a good place right now. To be brutally honest, I am hating life right now. I'm hating how difficult it's all become, and though I can still SEE that HE is good, and how far I've come, I am crushed by my reality. My crushing reality that my now almost four year old doesn't ever want Mama, and only wants her siblings, and her daddy. I am crushed that I had to fight so hard to come back as Mama, and now that I have I don't feel like there is a place for me within our family. I'm struggling at being Mama. I'm struggling at being content. I'm struggling to even just be. <br />
<br />
This past week we went back to TN for a family vacation. I had been praying for family resolution, and for relationships to be restored. I was praying for a breakthrough as Mama, for my purpose to be revealed. For my soul to be set on fire once again, to be filled with passion to share HIS word, and was found sitting on the edge of a mountain, drenched in tears as I was anything but content, or on fire, or feeling any sort of purpose at all. My heart was aching for my son, as it's now been five years, too many to still be crying according to this world. Five years of missing a part of me, five years that I've struggled to survive. <br />
<br />
This past year has been a massive struggle to TRUST to know... to believe... to press into my faith. In February D and I drove with our crew to GA to say goodbye to my dad as he wasn't doing well. A month later he went into Hospice care. April came and was almost over, and our youngest became extremely ill, and had to be rushed to a Children's Hospital in severe respiratory distress. All I could do was sit and watch helplessly as the doctors and nurses fought to save her. Tears too afraid to even fall, welled up in my eyes, as words failed.... I cried out to HIM, "JESUS , JESUS, JESUS, JESUS" for over an hour. Thankfully she was healed.... here, and I survived another test... another trial through the fire... to hold on, and press into my faith. <br />
<br />
One week later in May we had to say goodbye to my dad.. as another piece of my heart went to heaven. My last words to him were, "Kiss Seth for me, hug him for me daddy." I struggled to breathe the night the phone call came, as I knew... I cried myself to sleep, and got up and went to work the next morning. Going to work as if nothing had changed, nothing was hard, nothing hurt, and I was fine. When inside I was screaming from the pain, as the crushing reality set in, my Dad, like Seth... was now gone.... gone.... until my time for forever would begin.<br />
<br />
After my Dad's celebration of life, I struggled to keep moving forward, mostly because I was hating how things were in my life. I wanted to call my dad, and cry to him, like I had done when Seth died, and was brutally ripped from our lives. I went back to work, and tried my best to keep positive thoughts, and push through the hard.<br />
<br />
For months I've struggled with feeling like a failure that even though I know how much good HE has done in my life, I'm still hurting, and unable to keep moving forward believing for more in this life for myself. So much this afternoon I was reading how to survive feeling as if there is no purpose for your life only to merely survive. As tears streamed from my eyes, the words, "no one cares" spilled from my lips... and brought me straight into HIS waiting arms.<br />
<br />
Grief and Loss have taught me that no one is really ever equipped to handle all of your emotions, your feelings, your anger, your agony, your doubt, your disbelief.... well no one except HIM. So all of this leads me to here right now, me sitting at the computer I haven't sat at since Seth died. Typing on the same keyboard that birthed this blog. Spilling out my feelings into words, in hopes that what HE is telling me will sink deep into the darkest spaces of my heart. Writing what life after loss is really like, and how JESUS will be enough to help you get through to the next moment. How HIS breath in your lungs will enable you to breathe when your breath is taken away. How praying won't just make everything better, but will open the gateway from your head to your heart to where heart work will take place. How when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, HE is with us. HE will SHINE HIS LIGHT for us to SEE... to survive, and to eventually THRIVE. I have learned that grief and love go hand in hand, as where there was deep love, there is an even greater loss because it is love that has nowhere to go. Loss that has to be... needs to be healed. Loss that only when your heart is willing to admit, to feel, can be healed from the inside out. <br />
<br />
HIS DAILY TEACHINGS has awakened my soul once again in leading me back to where it all began. A day much like today, where feelings of failure, and no purpose, as if my family would be better off without me. A day where I was desperate for a breakthrough. Desperate for purpose, for passion, for life giving change. The song "Reckless Love" plays in the background:<br />
<br />
"There's no shadow YOU won't light up<br />
Mountain YOU won't climb up<br />
Coming after me<br />
There's no wall YOU won't kick down<br />
Lie YOU won't tear down<br />
Coming after me<br />
<br />
Once again HE has captured my heart, and has met me in the brokenness of child loss. HE has caught my tears as I've cried to the end of my soul asking once again... "how could you break my heart so badly? How all of this change, struggle, and pain really be a part of YOUR plan. How will you mend this, make this for good, restore this, how LORD... and please LORD help me with my unbelief. Give me the passion, the courage, the determination to keep stepping out, stepping up, and SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS WHO YOU ARE."<br />
<br />
Dear One's,<br />
<br />
Grief and Loss have changed me, and HIS love has healed me enough... to do what I need for this moment. I pray that if you too are struggling through grief and loss that you will know that you are NOT alone. I pray that you will feel yourself being wrapped in HIS mighty wings and will hear HIS voice speaking HIS promises to you that HE is indeed making a way. Hold Fast Dear Hearts, HE'S in this with you. HE can handle your anger, your hatred, your disbelief, your jealousy, your bitterness, all.of.it. HE can handle, and is in it with you, and will help you. So much my Dear Brother's and Sister's in CHRIST JESUS I pray that you will come to know HIM as the GOD of COMFORT, WHO comforts us, so that we may comfort others. Breathe and know Dear One's that you are loved.<br />
<br />
With so much love, compassion, grace, and understanding,<br />
<br />
Your Sister in CHRIST,<br />
<br />
~ Heather<br />
<br /></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-76465380228154841942018-05-12T11:50:00.001-05:002018-05-12T11:50:51.571-05:00New blog<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">New life... SEE HE'S doing a new thing.... new perspective.... heavenly perspective.....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><b><a href="http://www.survivorsshore.blogspot.com/">www.survivorsshore.blogspot.com</a></b></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
This is life as I know it.... on the survivors shore.</span></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-59836794159215141822018-04-15T14:06:00.001-05:002018-04-16T16:22:51.970-05:00tremble....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As I picked up my pen this morning and began to pour my heart out to HIM, I couldn't have imagined what HE had prepared for me today to experience. Even as I wrote LORD JESUS YOU have all my attention. I just want to be with YOU. Fill me with YOUR peace LORD, I need YOU always, I'm astonished in the way that HE has led me today. I am overwhelmed by HIS endless mercies, and relentless pursuit for me to experience HIS unfailing love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The weather here in Chicago is that of winter today. An ice storm to be exact, and to be honest when I looked outside and saw that it was snowing once again, I was overcome by sadness. Longing for new life, Spring, and to top it off it wasn't just snow, rather ice too. Almost two inches of ice on our cars to be exact. Enough ice for D to be questioning whether or not we should be driving on the roads, and that would mean missing church.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Determined not to let even the weather keep me from hearing HIS word today, I chose to RISK it all for HIM. I knew I needed to be at church, but I didn't quite know why. Well I can tell you now that I'm home and have just finished 30 minutes of crying, I am so thankful that I decided HE was worth the RISK. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As I made my way to my seat, I was stopped by several people hugging me, and letting me know that they were proud of me for sharing my story on Friday night. Humbled by what HE is doing in my life, I thanked them, and secretly just kept saying, "thank you JESUS." Finally I reached my seat, and no sooner was I seated, my dear soul sister J came to give me a hug, and congratulate me on my bravery. She too is on a journey of discovery her story as a part of HIS story. After another hug the band came onto the stage and began to play the first worship song.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The second song we sang was of course "Cornerstone" and instead of tears, I was overcome by just emotion that made my knees weak, as gratefulness, and thankfulness poured out of my heart. The next song though... took my breath away, and opened the floodgates of complete awe. "Tremble" by Mosiac MSC leveled me. "JESUS JESUS YOU make the darkness tremble, JESUS JESUS YOU silence fear" I was lead back to the darkest moments of my life, and in remembering those moments the next part of the song made my tears fall like rain. "YOUR NAME IS A LIGHT that the shadows can't deny, YOUR NAME CANNOT BE OVERCOME. YOUR NAME IS ALIVE, FOREVER LIFTED HIGH, YOUR NAME CANNOT BE OVERCOME." I was crying so hard, I could hardly hold my arms up anymore, as I couldn't reach high enough in my PRAISE and thanks to HIM for all HE has done for me. Just to be in complete awe of all HE has done, is doing, and knowing, and expecting HIM to keep doing through me, in me, and for me, all for HIS purpose. It's all so overwhelming.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The message at church today was the second of the series called "valleys." Today was focusing on our posture in the valley. How the apostle Paul shared about he celebrates in his weakness, for when he is weak that is when he is strong. Meaning that in his own weakness, he's in the perfect posture to receive GOD'S amazing grace, and through HIS grace he is given the LORDS strength. This for me is so very true, as I can tell you that even the simplest of tasks have become so tremendously difficult for me, as I have been so weakened in this valley that I am walking in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Ocean living completely obliterated all strength that I once had, and HE had to rebuild me, starting with teaching me how to breathe. In my darkest hours, I even forgot how to breathe, as the agony I was in took my breath away, and if let up to me I wouldn't have breathed again, as holding my hand on my son's chest to see if he was breathing was enough to make me want to die. The pain was unbearable, but HIS love was greater than the devastation, the agony that I was feeling, and in was in that moment that HE breathed into my lungs again, to help me cry out for help. I struggled to find my voice in those first few moments, so much that my children didn't really think anything was wrong, as my breath had been stolen out of me. HE gave me breath when the darkness surrounded me. HIS love OVERCAME the darkness, reached into me, and gave me the will to keep living.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was taken back to those moments this morning while singing this song. "JESUS JESUS YOU make the darkness TREMBLE," and I was so overcome with emotion in realizing just how far HE has brought me out of the darkness. Throughout the message I could feel HIM filling me with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that HE knows exactly where I am, and what I am struggling with. The fears that I have in my heart, that I'm even too afraid to admit to. One being, asking for a vision of my son in Heaven.... for a word of what life is like for him now. Without me even asking, or breathing a word, a desire, HE met me, and filled me with TRUE HOPE that HE is in the details of every single step I am taking. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today HE took me back to Seth's birthday, the day that we planned his celebration of life service, and we chose James 1:17 for the verse to celebrate Seth's life. </span><br />
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></b></i>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Every good and perfect gift is from above,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30284A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30284A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30284B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30284B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> who does not change</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30284C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30284C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> like shifting shadows." James 1:17</span> </span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></b></i>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In a conversation with a new sister in CHRIST JESUS S, and my dear soul sister V we were discussing Seth's headstone. Which I am in the process of designing with V, as her sweet family have graciously offered to purchase for us. Their family have overwhelmed us all with HIS unfailing love and support. V<b> </b>was the person chosen to walk with me through this next step in healing and recovery in visiting Seth's grave. She has a gift, HIS vision to SEE beauty in the eternal life that we can celebrate in cemeteries. Not only that, but she has been given the ability to speak of HIS overwhelming PEACE that meets us in the quiet and stillness of visiting our loved one's grave. Honestly at first I was totally freaked out about viewing Seth's grave, but overtime, I know that it has been through HIS amazing love that I too have been given the wisdom as to WHY Seth's grave needs a headstone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HE knows that my greatest fear is Seth being forgotten by this world. HE knows that it pains me to my core that Seth's name is rarely spoken, and for even the people who knew him, I fear that they too will forget him. HE is letting me know that just as I was chosen to be Seth's Mama in this life, I've also been entrusted to let his name be made known, his story be made known in this world. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HE knows how much the darkness of sadness that keeps me from taking steps, and HE has ensured that I will know that I am never alone, HE is always with me, and HE has aligned all of the support, love, and help that I am needed to take each of these tremendously difficult steps in healing and recovery.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Finally I was completely overwhelmed by HIS goodness and mercy as my new friend S gave me a prophetic word from her friend, (as she told her about me, my story, and my sweet Seth Daniel.) When I received her friends word for not only me, but for Seth too, I cried as hard as I did the day that I lost him.... the type of cry that you feel the end of yourself. You feel as though you may break in half. The only difference today was a healing cry, a cry of relief, as HE has stepped into the darkness that has kept me locked in fear, and has made that darkness tremble. </span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"Seth, one that sees me as I truly am all truth and all love has been revealed to him. HE walks in the garden of my love and my grace where all things contain the light of his God and his King. I say all the beauty and splendor of his God and his King for behold I make all things new and all that resides deep in his heart now belong to the Father of Lights I say. And I say he is full of all I am yes, my child all."</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This all leaves me feeling, and knowing that HE truly is in all the details. HE knew we would choose the verse of James 1:17 and HE knew the prophetic word we would receive, and HE knew what that would mean for me. HE knew that ONLY in HIS timing, even though I "thought" I was ready before now, HE knew better for me. HE met me right where I was today, in ALL of HIS SPLENDOR, GLORY, and GRACE, and let me know that HE was then, and still is now, "JESUS JESUS YOU MAKE THE DARKNESS TREMBLE." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, dear ones, I pray for your hearts in this very moment that JESUS JESUS is with you always. That the fear that has gripped your heart, HE knows, HE cares, and HE is there ready to silence all of your fears. I pray my sweet friends that you will lean in, press in, and allow HIM to lead you in whatever valley you have found yourself in. I pray that if you too are in the ocean of sorrow, cling to HIM dear one, HE'S got you, HE will hold you steadfast in HIS mighty hands.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Always, with so much love, compassion, grace, and understanding,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-2871313970374834112018-04-14T14:43:00.004-05:002018-04-14T14:43:51.798-05:00past the past.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the past fifteen years now I've struggled in this wilderness of life. A life that I knew would be better because I had JESUS, but a life that was so riddled with messes and darkness from my past. Behaviors, attitudes, habits all that needed to be changed, removed, or broken from deep within. Transformation that began fifteen years ago when I said YES to HIM to teach, lead, and guide me. Even long before I even truly understood what I was saying YES to, HE had already begun working things out for my good. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">And we know that in all things God </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">works</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">for</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">the</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">good </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28</span></b></i></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My first test came within six months of giving my life over to HIM, surrendering all of me or so I thought. I will never forget where I was on that day, the restless feeling I got on that day, and how I knew that something was taking place deep within me, and even though I knew it was coming, <i>nothing </i>could have prepared me for what lied ahead. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span class="versenum" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">The </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> himself goes before you and will be with you;</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-5737A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-5737A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> he will never leave you nor forsake you.</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-5737B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-5737B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8</span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My third daughter was just four months old at the time, and my two oldest were just four and five years old. I was a mama to three precious little girls, and in my mind I was doing everything I could to be the mama that they needed. I will never forget that afternoon when the volcano of emotions erupted out of me, and my oldest daughter on the phone with her daddy thinking surely her mommy was dying. To be honest in that moment I had never felt more alive, as all that I had kept hidden for so long was finally being brought out into HIS light.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span class="versenum" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32</span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A journey of little me began, as HE made sure that the right people were within my path, for me to receive the help, care, and much needed support I would be needing to overcome that first stage of my past. For nine months I met with my therapist twice a week working through the scars of the physical, and sexual abuse that was inflicted upon me. For nine months I relived what had happened to me, each time going further into the pain, to understand the "why" and "how" this could have happened to me. When it was over, I was free from the physical, and sexual trauma of what had happened to me. I was flashback, and nightmare free for the first time in my life. I had been set free from the fear of being alone, and leaving my house. I was free in a way that I thought would have never been possible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Jesus looked at them and said, </span><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: blue;">“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”</span> John 19:26</span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Two years later I began the next phase of little me. I was drowning in the bitterness of my past, the anger, the hurt that I couldn't move <i><b>past my past</b></i>. So much that I avoided people, places, and little did I know that the bitterness was buried deep within my soul. I remember where I was when HE spoke straight to my heart about forgiving my step-grandfather who inflicted so much of my pain. I was angry that HE was asking me to forgive because in my mind it felt as though I was saying that what happened to me was okay. However, HE had already healed me from the physical, and sexual trauma so I knew I could TRUST HIM. With that I began a six year journey of forgiving each person from my past that inflicted immense pain on me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span class="versenum" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Be kind and compassionate to one another,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29305A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29305A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32</span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On the final day of forgiveness I had been battling HIM asking me to forgive my birth mother for all the pain that she put me and my brother through. I was angry that I was always being asked to forgive people without receiving an apology from them. However on that final day of forgiveness I felt led to write her a letter, and pour my heart out into it. Not only that I posted on the blog about how love is forgiving. That morning after I posted it, I told HIM I was all in no matter what. Feeling completely elated I told D what I had done, and how I finally felt free of my past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I can now look back on that final day and know that I was on the mountain top with HIM, fully living in HIS presence, completely oblivious as to what was about to happen next in my life. That afternoon at 4pm I fell from the mountain top into the darkest abyss of overwhelming agony, sorrow, and unbearable pain. Not even realizing until this past week that HE was there, and as I plunged so violently into the abyss HE caught me in HIS mighty embrace. HIS loving message to me this past week was, "remember when I caught you, I'M with you, I'm always with you."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">So do not fear,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18462A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18462A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">for I am with you;</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-41-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">do not be dismayed, for I am your God.</span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Isa-41-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">I will strengthen<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18462C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18462C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> you and help<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18462D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18462D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> you;</span><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-41-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">I will uphold you<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-18462E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18462E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10</span></span></span></i></b><span class="text Isa-41-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span class="text Isa-41-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">The</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">is close</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14407A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14407A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">to the brokenhearted</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-34-18" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18</span></i></b></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-34-18" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span class="text Ps-34-18" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">He heals the brokenhearted</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-147-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3</span></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">After three years of living in the ocean of deep, immense sorrow, HE gave me the strength to make it to shore, and thus began the next phase of little me. In February I attended a women's conference at my church. When I arrived I was drenched in tears</span><span class="text Isa-41-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">,</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> and I was weary. I was weary from crying, for being stuck and not knowing what my next steps were to be. I was angry that I was stuck, crying, and weary, but most of all I was restless. I was restless as I knew that HE was working in me for a purpose, but I just couldn't figure out what that was to be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: blue;">"<span class="text Matt-11-28" id="en-NIV-23488" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Come to me,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23488A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23488A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23488B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23488B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span class="text Matt-11-29" id="en-NIV-23489" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23489C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23489C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23489D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23489D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span></span><span class="text Matt-11-30" id="en-NIV-23490" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="color: blue;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”</span> Matthew 11:28-30</span></span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As we began to worship that night the band started to play "Cornerstone," and the floodgates opened, and I found myself sitting in the truck like I did that first night without Seth. After the conference ended I made my way out to meet the speaker. I was crying as I spoke, she hugged me, and then took my hands and shook them and said, "I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to listen to me. The HOLY SPIRIT is telling me this right now, and well girl, it's time to take your life back." Immediately I was like, "YEAH, take my life back, I'm going to do just that." Then it hit me, <i>how do I do that? </i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I went home that night knowing that HE was working in me, and something BIG was coming, and so that was enough to get me to go back to the second day of the conference. The next speaker shared from her heart her experience in letting JESUS write "a new narrative" for your life. I knew I needed that as I had been stuck my whole life, constantly struggling to get past my past.. I didn't know how HE would do that, but it was then that I now know that HE captured my heart once again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29368A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29368A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6</span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The final speaker's message was "don't get lost in your own pit of despair." I cried the entire time as I knew this message was sent straight from heaven for me from my ABBA. Driving home that afternoon I cried, I didn't know what to do, or how to do it, all I knew was I needed to TRUST HIM that HE would work it all out for my good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">And we know that in all things God works for the good</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28145A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28145A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> of those who love him, who</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 10px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">have been called</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28145B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28145B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> according to his purpose.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">" Romans 8:28</span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Trust in the</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-16461A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-16461A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">with all your heart</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-3-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">and lean not on your own understanding;</span></span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Prov-3-6" id="en-NIV-16462" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span>in all your ways submit to him,</span><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-3-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">and he will make your paths<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-16462B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-16462B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> straight" Proverbs 3:5-6</span></span></span></b></i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In taking the steps that were impressed upon me I started therapy, and on my first day there my therapist gave me what I can now say as a life giving book. <i><b> "Unashamed" by Christine Caine</b></i> has brought out HIS truth for my life, in shining HIS light in the darkness of my heart of the lies of shame that have kept me shackled my entire life. Little did I know that when I began reading the book phase 3 of little me was about to begin.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the past two weeks I've dove into the book each morning as HE has taking me on a journey back to when.... and has led me to where I now I am. HE has instilled in me HIS TRUE CONFIDENCE the TRUTH of WHO I am, because I am really starting to understand WHOSE I am, and what that means for me. HIS light is shining deep into my soul, revealing to me all the lies that have been whispered into my soul for so long.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span class="chapternum" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; bottom: -0.1em; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 24px; left: 0px; line-height: 0.8em; position: relative;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Now faith is confidence in what we hope for</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30174A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30174A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1</span></span></i></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This past week I came to the point where she talks about "the gate," and like Christine Caine, I realized that I too had become paralyzed by the gate of relational shame. The feelings of unwanted, abandoned, less than, not good enough, unworthy, worthless, unloved.... all lies breathed into my soul. Attitudes of it will never get better, I can never move past my past, and I'll never truly be free, it's just who I am. ALL LIES.... ALL revealed by HIS amazing grace in taking me back to when, and leading me to where I am now. All designed for me to prepare me for one of the greatest moments of my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Last night onstage at my church in front of a room full of my soul-sisters for the first time I shared my story. For the first time I shared my story in a way that didn't feel like my story, rather HIS story. HIS amazing story that I got to live, to experience of how DEEP HIS love is for HIS child. HIS love that leveled mountains, dove into the deepest pits, and emptied oceans to reach HIS beloved child. HIS story of Redemption, unconditional love, amazing grace, overwhelming peace, and relentless pursuit of HIS child to know HIM, to rescue HIS child HIS ROYAL TREASURE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In being able to share my story, HE has moved me through the gate of relational shame, and has brought me to the other side where I can truly experience and live out HIS TRUE FREEDOM all because of what JESUS did for me, and WHO HE is for me. In sharing my story, I am finding me, the TRUE Authentic me, and I can finally say that I am moving past my past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One final thought is going into HIS word and reading about lepers that took a chance, risked it all to go through the gate, they knew if they stayed the would surely die, and if they moved they <i>might</i> die..... so they risked it all, and HE was there, ready for them to receive HIS overwhelming blessings of everything they had needed. If I have learned anything like the lepers, I have decided that HE is indeed worth the risk! I am so thankful, and relived to be <i><b>past the past. </b></i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span class="text 2Kgs-7-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Now there were four men with leprosy at the entrance of the city gate. They said to each other, “Why stay here until we die?</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Kgs-7-4" id="en-NIV-9712" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">4 </span>If we say, ‘We’ll go into the city’—the famine is there, and we will die. And if we stay here, we will die. So let’s go over to the camp of the Arameans and surrender. If they spare us, we live; if they kill us, then we die.”</span></span></b></i><br />
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 2Kgs-7-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text 2Kgs-7-5" id="en-NIV-9713" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">5 </span>At dusk they got up and went to the camp of the Arameans. When they reached the edge of the camp, no one was there,</span> <span class="text 2Kgs-7-6" id="en-NIV-9714" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span>for the Lord had caused the Arameans to hear the sound<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9714F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9714F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of chariots and horses and a great army, so that they said to one another, “Look, the king of Israel has hired<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9714G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9714G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> the Hittite<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9714H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9714H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and Egyptian kings to attack us!”</span> <span class="text 2Kgs-7-7" id="en-NIV-9715" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">7 </span>So they got up and fled<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9715I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9715I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> in the dusk and abandoned their tents and their horses and donkeys. They left the camp as it was and ran for their lives.</span></span></b></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 2Kgs-7-8" id="en-NIV-9716" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">8 </span>The men who had leprosy<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9716J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9716J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> reached the edge of the camp, entered one of the tents and ate and drank. Then they took silver, gold and clothes, and went off and hid them. They returned and entered another tent and took some things from it and hid them also.</span></b></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 2Kgs-7-9" id="en-NIV-9717" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">9 </span>Then they said to each other, “What we’re doing is not right. This is a day of good news and we are keeping it to ourselves. If we wait until daylight, punishment will overtake us. Let’s go at once and report this to the royal palace.”</span></b></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text 2Kgs-7-10" id="en-NIV-9718" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">10 </span>So they went and called out to the city gatekeepers and told them, “We went into the Aramean camp and no one was there—not a sound of anyone—only tethered horses and donkeys, and the tents left just as they were.”</span> <span class="text 2Kgs-7-11" id="en-NIV-9719" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">11 </span>The gatekeepers shouted the news, and it was reported within the palace.</span></span></b></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 2Kgs-7-12" id="en-NIV-9720" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">12 </span>The king got up in the night and said to his officers, “I will tell you what the Arameans have done to us. They know we are starving; so they have left the camp to hide<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9720K" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9720K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> in the countryside, thinking, ‘They will surely come out, and then we will take them alive and get into the city.’”</span></b></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 2Kgs-7-13" id="en-NIV-9721" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">13 </span>One of his officers answered, “Have some men take five of the horses that are left in the city. Their plight will be like that of all the Israelites left here—yes, they will only be like all these Israelites who are doomed. So let us send them to find out what happened.”</span></b></i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text 2Kgs-7-14" id="en-NIV-9722" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">14 </span>So they selected two chariots with their horses, and the king sent them after the Aramean army. He commanded the drivers, “Go and find out what has happened.”</span> <span class="text 2Kgs-7-15" id="en-NIV-9723" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">15 </span>They followed them as far as the Jordan, and they found the whole road strewn with the clothing and equipment the Arameans had thrown away in their headlong flight.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9723L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9723L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> So the messengers returned and reported to the king.</span> <span class="text 2Kgs-7-16" id="en-NIV-9724" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">16 </span>Then the people went out and plundered<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9724M" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9724M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> the camp of the Arameans. So a seah of the finest flour sold for a shekel, and two seahs of barley sold for a shekel,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9724N" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9724N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> as the <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span> had said.</span></span></b></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text 2Kgs-7-17" id="en-NIV-9725" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">17 </span>Now the king had put the officer on whose arm he leaned in charge of the gate, and the people trampled him in the gateway, and he died,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9725O" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9725O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> just as the man of God had foretold when the king came down to his house.</span><span class="text 2Kgs-7-18" id="en-NIV-9726" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">18 </span>It happened as the man of God had said to the king: “About this time tomorrow, a seah of the finest flour will sell for a shekel and two seahs of barley for a shekel at the gate of Samaria.”</span></span></b></i></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text 2Kgs-7-19" id="en-NIV-9727" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">19 </span>The officer had said to the man of God, “Look, even if the <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span> should open the floodgates<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-9727P" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-9727P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of the heavens, could this happen?” The man of God had replied, “You will see it with your own eyes, but you will not eat any of it!”</span> <span class="text 2Kgs-7-20" id="en-NIV-9728" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">20 </span>And that is exactly what happened to him, for the people trampled him in the gateway, and he died. 2 Kings 7:3-20</span></span></b></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, oh dear ones how I pray for the lies of shame that have been whispered into your soul to be removed in JESUS HOLY and MIGHTY name. I pray that you too will be given the strength to endure that pain of moving forward. I pray that you will know that often times the pain of moving forward is so much more than the pain that was originally inflicted upon you. I pray that when the pain is felt, I pray you will know HE is with you, and that you will choose to TRUST HIM, that you will lean into HIM, press into HIM, and choose to RISK it ALL for HIM, HE'S worth it! I pray that today begins your journey of healing, and being able to move past your past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always dear ones, in so much love, compassion, grace, and understanding,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-48478293484068429902018-04-08T17:11:00.000-05:002018-04-08T20:09:00.631-05:00open up again....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'm currently walking in a valley, living in a valley where HE is asking me to TRUST HIM again. TRUST HIM to lead me to TRUST in HIM that is without borders, and I so desperately want to TRUST HIM with my whole heart, yet I am afraid. I am struggling, as in my mind, I know that HE is trustworthy, but my heart has been ravaged by everything that has happened to me in my lifetime. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Before I even got to church this morning, I was already crying, tears were pouring from my eyes, as feelings of inadequacies, and unworthy of anyone ever admitting to how they have treated me, and how badly its affected me. Feelings of tired, and weariness, my heart being put through the wringer is not something that I want to endure anymore. As I sank further in my seat in tears, anger, and stubbornness HE reached out to me in the form of my pastor who stood next to me and leaned into hug me. I couldn't even look at him, as I was embarrassed as once again here I am sitting in church coming completely undone. He squeezed my shoulders and let me know that he loves me as my pastor and my friend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Truly he does love me, as does his wife, as they have been there for D and I throughout the past 3.5 years of struggling to cope with the loss of Seth. They were both there on the day that we had to plan Seth's celebration of life, choosing his casket, and signing the papers for the medical examiners office to release Seth's body to the funeral home. They were there in the first moments where D and I were able to view our precious little boys earthly body. As the unimaginable began to sink in fully that was truly our living nightmare. Our friends, and pastors were there for us. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Each week that I find myself making my way to that same seat in church sitting right behind where I sat the day we said goodbye to Seth, I am struck with a desperate plea from my aching heart. LORD please heal me, please don't let me cry, and please LORD don't let me come undone. Week after week though I find myself falling harder into HIS grace, burying my face as the pain is still as real as it was the day my world shattered. I struggle to TRUST HIM with my life, well I should say I struggle to TRUST HIM with new things, new aspects of my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For the past week HE has been working in me and through me, bringing me back to the little in me, and has been letting me know that what I have been so restless in needing healing for, has been allowing HIM to teach, lead, and guide me to know HIM deeper, and for me to <i style="font-weight: bold;">open up again. </i>This concept scares the hell out of me, as the last time I opened up..... the last time I went all in.... the biggest test of my faith followed.... a test that I almost didn't pass, or even survive for that matter. I've struggled with putting into words how much I've loved SEEING and experiencing ALL HE has done, and is doing in my life, but in the need to be transparent, I want it to be made known just how much the thought of getting through this next test.... though I know HIS glory will be made known through me, I am afraid of what the next test will be. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am currently walking through a valley with HIM asking me to <i style="font-weight: bold;">open up again </i>and allow HIM to SHINE HIS LIGHT on all the lies of shame that have been whispered to my soul. I am struggling to grasp just how deeply buried those lies of shame live within me. Shame has taken deep root in my heart, and have shaped and molded me to see myself as the world has taught me, and HE is letting me know that now is the time in my journey with HIM towards wholeness to understand that I am HIS. HE is wanting me to SEE myself as HE SEES me. HE has called upon me to begin to share my story, my heart with others in a public setting. This is scary to me, as so often I feel ill-equipped to share my story, as I am still struggling so much with TRUSTING HIM. It's not that I don't believe HE is faithful, as HE has proven HIMSELF so many times to me. It's not that I don't SEE HIM as merciful, because HE is, and has been through each test, trial and storm in my life. It's not that I don't feel HIS light shining in me and through me for HIS glory, as I know it is indeed. It's not that I don't believe that HE is doing a good work through me and in me, and will continue to do so until I'm either called home, or JESUS returns. I know HE'S working in me and through me because HE deeply loves and cares for me. I believe, know and TRUST that HE is my SAVIOR and HE has rescued me more times than I can count, and has REDEEMED me from the pain of my past before, and HE will do it again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In know all of this, the one thing remains, I can't seem to get it from my head into my heart how HE SEES me. How HE feels about me. I am struggling with not proclaiming my identity in HIM, and that is because of everything that has been said, and done to me repeatedly in my life. After suffering for many years from physical, sexual, emotional, and mental abuse and soul changing manipulation I fall prey to the broken record that plays deep within my wounded heart. HE has begun to call out the lies, and is letting me know that WHO I am today, is NOT who the world has taught me. HE is wanting me to know and SEE myself as so much more. HE let me know today that when I tell my story, HE'S wanting me to know and convey to those I am sharing my story with that there is so much more to me than being a survivor of abuse, and child loss. HE is wanting me to share beautiful story of moving mountains to rescue HIS beloved.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HIS words, not mine, and even as I type beloved, my breath is caught in my throat. Beloved, chosen, wanted, cherished, worthy.... all that HE wants to get from my head, and planted so deeply and firmly within my heart, so that I will be able to do the things that of which HE has called me, prepared me, created me on purpose to do, ALL for HIS glory.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Earlier this week my soul sister M shared a song by Hillsong Worship called "Touch of Heaven" </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I purposely avoided listening to it, as Heaven is what I long for, and when I am drowning in pain, HEAVEN is where I long to be, and the thought of opening myself up to worshiping is sure to bring on the water works. Well this afternoon HE placed it on my heart to listen to the song, and just as I had already suspected, all it took was to get to the chorus, and I found myself come completely undone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"All I want is to live within your love, be undone by who you are, my desire is to know you deeper. LORD I will <b style="font-style: italic;">open up again, </b>throw my fears into the wind, I am desperate for a touch of heaven."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"LORD, how I long to know YOU deeper, to TRUST YOU, to throw my fear into the wind, to be able to <i style="font-weight: bold;">open up again.</i> LORD please help me to overcome my unbelief that keeps me trapped from falling into YOUR amazing grace. ~ Amen"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">your faithful follower ~ </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">your daughter ~ </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~ Heather </span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-46366201847640743372018-03-23T10:44:00.003-05:002018-03-23T10:45:53.096-05:00in the valley......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My selfish human nature tells me on a daily basis that life shouldn't be this hard. I shouldn't have to try so hard just to be merely surviving each day that I am given. I shouldn't have to cry, to hurt, to struggle, just to live. I shouldn't have to put much effort into what it is that I truly want in my life, and that for me is happiness. My selfish human nature is so full of lies of this world that keep me bound up, tied up, and keep me from truly living the way HE has created me to live.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This morning HE has taken me deep into HIS word in Psalm 23 and shown me WHO HE is, what this means for my life. HE has revealed to me that it is <i style="font-weight: bold;">in the valley </i>that HE is able to do HE greatest work within me. HE is leading me to HIS truth of why so much valley living is a part of my life, and what it is that I rarely get to stand on the mountains, and how I usually only SEE glimpses of mountain views. Today HE has met me in my weariness of my life's circumstances, and has given me the much needed respite I've needed to catch my breath, replenish my soul, so that I may continue to press on, press through and allow HIM to grow me through what it is that I am going through.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yesterday my thirteen year old daughter and I met with the creative arts director at our church as she is being baptized on Easter. It was exactly one month ago today that I prayed for HIM to show up in each of my children's lives, to capture their hearts, and overwhelm them with an amazing JESUS encounter. Two short days later HE would do just that with my daughter B. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This past month hearing her share whats on her heart, what her encounter was like with HIM, and what led her to choosing to follow HIM for all the days of her life. To be a apart of her story is humbling, overwhelming, and leaves me with pure elation and JOY. She like me has begun to keep a written record of her daily walks with HIM in her own personal blog. I am honored to be her mentor, and even more to be her Mama.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So while we were at church, our pastor stopped by to talk with us, and shared what April's messages will be about, and that is "why do we spend more time living in the valley's then we do on the mountains?" I left yesterday asking that question over and over again, and the first clue I got to HIS answer was in a gift that B purchased for me after we left church.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We were in Target dollar spot and I came across a rock that says, "Grow through what you go through." At first glance I thought it was truly inspiring but honestly had no idea that HE would use that pretty rock to speak VOLUMES to my heart this morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Just looking back on this post, I realize that I have already begun to realize the concept before HE even brought me to the revelation of what this means for me when I find myself living <b><i>in the valle</i></b><i style="font-weight: bold;">y.</i> Even after filling pages in my journal about what HE has been telling me, I'm just starting to realize what is is that HE is wanting me to understand about valley living. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HE is telling me that it is <i style="font-weight: bold;">in the valley </i>that HE does HIS greatest work in me and through me. It is <i style="font-weight: bold;">in the valley </i>that HE refines, renews, restores, transforms, and rebuilds all of WHO I am , because it is <i style="font-weight: bold;">in the valley </i>that I truly begin to SEE and to experience WHOSE I am. HE is wanting me to know that when I find myself enduring valley living it is because HE has brought me there for HIS purpose, and each time I find myself there, all I have to do is SEEK HIM and HE will meet me right where I am. HE is telling me that each time I choose to SEEK HIM and HIS will and HIS ways for my life that is when HIS light SHINES on me, in me, and through me for other's to SEE. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HE is wanting me to understand that if I was always living with mountain views or actually living on the mountain would only cause me to forget WHO HE is, and what HE has done in my life. I know this because the further I get away from living in sorrow, the more I forget the process that it took for HIM to grow me from living in sorrow, to living with moments of sorrow. Daily I am finding myself praying that I NEVER forget the process, all the renewing, refining, restoring, transforming, and rebuilding that it took to bring me this far.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am learning that in order to truly be honoring in my grief, and helping other's learn to cope with theirs, I must truly understand that it is only by allowing myself to continue to be lead through the valley of grief. So often I become so weary, and angry that I am weary by the grief that I live with, however the more I seek HIM and HIS word, the more HE fills me with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that this is all for HIS purpose, and shows me just how much HE loves me that HE has created purpose in my pain. That losing my son isn't the end of my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am overwhelmed by HIS word this morning that teaches me that HE is my Shepherd, WHO teaches, leads, and guides me. WHO allows me to rest, for the much needed respite from my grief. WHO teaches and shows me daily WHO HE is in my life. WHO is leading me, and teaching me to LIVE fiercely with FEARLESS FAITH because HE has already walked through my life before me, and has paved the way in which I am to walk. Even through fear, sorrow, sadness, and loss HE is there, leading and showing me the way. HE is proving to me time and again that HE is indeed the GOD of ALL comfort, WHO comforts me, so that I will be of comfort for someone else. I know this because I have lived this, experienced this, and it is the ONLY reason that I am still living today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today I am finding myself so incredibly thankful and grateful for my experiences of living <i style="font-weight: bold;">in the valley. </i>As it has modeled and shown my children that they too can survive valley living with HIM as ANYTHING and ALL things are possible with HIM, not because of anything we can do, but BECAUSE HE IS. Today I am overwhelmed by HIS relentless pursuit of my heart for me to fully grasp WHO HE is in my life, what that means for me, and for HIS promises to be fully experienced by me that HE is WHO HE says HE is, and HE DOES what HE says HE WILL do!!! I am so undeservedly thankful that HE has written such a beautiful story for me to live out one that is all about TRIUMPH over tragedy that leaves a legacy of Faith teaching my children, and future children that when your whole world washes out to sea, HE is the ROCK that won't move, HE is CHRIST ALONE CORNERSTONE and when you cling to HIM, HE WILL hold you close, HE will catch every single one of your tears, and when you are ready HE will bind up your wounds, and teach you how to LIVE again. HE is our CHAMPION HE IS ALIVE in each of us, and when we choose to TRUST HIM with our lives, HE WILL turn our mourning into dancing. I am so incredibly thankful to be living a life that SHINES HIS light <i style="font-weight: bold;">in the valley </i>that LIVES out HIS promises through mountain views that PROVE HIS HOPE that leads to Eternal Life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">The</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">is my shepherd,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14237A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14237A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">I lack nothing.</span></i></b></span><br />
<div class="poetry" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-left: 2.6em; position: relative;">
<div class="line" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="text Ps-23-2" id="en-NIV-14238" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"><br /></span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span>He makes me lie down in green pastures,</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-2" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">he leads me beside quiet waters,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14238C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14238C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="text Ps-23-3" id="en-NIV-14239" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span>he refreshes my soul.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14239D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14239D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">He guides me<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14239E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14239E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> along the right paths<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14239F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14239F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">for his name’s sake.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14239G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14239G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-4" id="en-NIV-14240" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Even though I walk</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">through the darkest valley,</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">I will fear no evil,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14240I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14240I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">for you are with me;<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14240J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14240J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">your rod and your staff,</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-4" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">they comfort me.</span></span></i></b></span></div>
</div>
<div class="poetry top-05" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-left: 2.6em; position: relative;">
<div class="line" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><span class="text Ps-23-5" id="en-NIV-14241" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>You prepare a table<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14241K" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14241K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> before me</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">in the presence of my enemies.</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">You anoint my head with oil;<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14241L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14241L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">my cup<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14241M" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14241M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> overflows.</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-6" id="en-NIV-14242" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 12px; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Surely your goodness and love<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14242N" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14242N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> will follow me</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">all the days of my life,</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="text Ps-23-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">and I will dwell in the house of the <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span></span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-23-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">forever." Psalm 23</span></span></i></b></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That legacy my friends, I pray that for each of you, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Always with so much love, compassion, and understanding,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-35603170319883288202018-03-17T11:32:00.000-05:002018-03-17T11:32:24.194-05:00holy ground....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>"Then the LORD said to him, "take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." Acts 7:33</b></i></span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On February 24, 2018 I attended the second day of my church's women's conference. The speaker came on stage and I immediately noticed that she was barefoot. At first I thought she must have been wearing heels and her feet were hurting, but as she quickly acknowledge and addressed the reason as to why she was barefoot... nothing could have prepared my heart for the journey that I would embark upon with HIM starting in that very moment.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the past almost month now I've been consumed by the JESUS encounter that has forever changed the narrative of my life. A new season of life, ready and willing to FIGHT to take back my life. I've listened to worship music non-stop, and have meditated on HIS words day and night. HIS words have been my food, and have quenched my insatiable thirst to know HIM, and for HIM to peel back more of the layers of all that is hidden deep within me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This morning as I poured out my praises to HIM for all HE is doing currently in my life, I felt HIM lead me to open my bible, HIS LIVING WORD, and when I began to read, I was quickly captivated by what HIS word would be teaching me, and how it would continue in this current theme that HE has been working on me, in me, and through me. I was overcome with emotions of pure elation and JOY as I am realizing, and experiencing just how much HE loves me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HIS loving reminder today to me is understanding the power of the message that is alive in me, and when I am brave enough, courageous enough to push through, press through the fear and allow HIS message to flow from my heart, where ever my feet are standing, that is <b><i>holy ground</i></b>. HE is taking me back to that Saturday when my sister in CHRIST JESUS stood on the very stage where I once stood to tell the story of my sons life, she stood, sharing HIS message of HOPE, which for me what the KEY to unlocking the prison of lies which had been keeping me from TRULY experiencing, and living TRUE FREEDOM from despair. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even though I "thought" I understood what HE has been trying to teach me, pouring into me HIS word daily, I still didn't get it, and because of HIS relentless pursuit for me to know HIM, and fully experience WHO HE is, and WHOSE I am, HE is leading me back through what I've learned by impressing, planting deeply, and firmly in my heart HIS TRUTH, HIS WORD that I <i>must </i>remember as I begin to take the next steps in my life of being led to the stage to share HIS message of HOPE. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This morning HE has led me back to all HIS loving reminders for me to know HIM, to SEE all that HE is doing in my life. HE has taken me back to something my pastor shared, a song of worship, that has challenged me to really seek HIM to SEE WHO I am, because HE is wanting me to know that in order to take on, press through this next phase of my journey with HIM, I <i>must </i>understand WHO HE says I am. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>"<span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Who am I that the highest King</span></b></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Would welcome me</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">I was lost but He brought me in</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Oh His love for me" Who YOU say I am" Hillsong Worship</span></b></i></span><div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Listening to the lyrics of this song has left me feeling overcome with so many emotions. Deeply thinking, searching, seeking what it means for the HIGHEST KING to welcome me. Questions began to flood my mind, would I welcome just anyone to my home? Would I judge them? Would I put stipulations on them being welcome? Would I expect anything in return? Is the invite conditional? Do I really care about people? Do I really just want to appear, like, "do good for daddy" approval seeking, people pleasing, what will others think, invitation out of fear, pressure to perform.... who am I? Do I have a welcoming spirit? Do I truly love people.... do I really grasp how HE loves every single person my eyes see? Do I realize that HE SEES beyond the defiance, and SEES HIS child's hurting heart?</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="color: #464646;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Who the Son sets free</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Oh is free ind</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">eed</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">I’m a child of God</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Yes I am"</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Do I realize what HE has done for me? Do I fully grasp what that means for me? Do I realize that I am a child of GOD? Do I realize that the guy who just cut me off in traffic is HIS child too? Do I stop to think about the people who are against me, hurt me, who refuse to apologize to me WHOSE they are? Do I put conditions on others being children of GOD? Do I put my human limitations on HIM? Do I speak freedom in CHRIST JESUS, or do I continue to take back the bondage's the lies that the enemy is using to trip me up? Do I SEE other's with HIS vision? Do I even SEEK HIM, to know, to SEE what HE is doing? Do I ask to be apart of it, or is something only worthy when there is something in it for me?</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="color: #464646;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Free at last</span></b></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">He has ransomed me</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">His grace runs deep</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">While I was a slave to sin</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Jesus died for me</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Yes He died for me" </span></b></i></span><div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Do I fully grasp that HE has ransomed me? Do I realize the ultimate gift I have received in the price that HE has paid for my ransom? Do I realize that I am not the only one? Do I compare my worthiness to others? Do I question whether my ransom was worth it? Do I realize that I am no longer a slave to sin? Do I realize that the same power that rose JESUS from the dead is alive in me, therefore breaks ALL chains, and strongholds of sin in me, through the power and Resurrection of JESUS CHRIST? Do I remember that HE died for me, so I don't have to suffer in this life, to never fully live according to HIS will for my life? Do I really stop and think about that HE is my SAVIOR? Do I still think I am on this journey all by myself?</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="color: #464646;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Who the Son sets free</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Oh is free indeed</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">I’m a child of God</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Yes I am</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">In my Father’s house</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">There’s a place for me</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">I’m a child of God</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Yes I am"</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Do I realize that there is a place for me in HIS FATHER'S house? Do I realize that is my eternal home? Do I go through each day remembering that my address here on earth is only temporary? Do I live my life for people to SEE to know that my real home, my eternal home is in HEAVEN? Do I even realize what "there's a place for me means?" Do I understand that NOT by my own merit of anything I say or do is the reason WHY there's a place for me? Do I share this message with others, or am I focused solely on the surviving part of life that I don't share is message of TRUE FREEDOM? Do I share WHO HE IS, HIS unconditional love that has saved me, ransomed me, redeemed me, and is rebuilding me, renewing me, and refining me? Do I really believe that? Do I really portray that in which the way I choose to live? Do I really model HIS TRUE CONFIDENCE in all ways of my life? If not..... why not?</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="color: #464646;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">I am chosen</span></b></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Not forsaken</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">I am who You say I am</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">You are for me</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">Not against me</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646; font-size: 18px;">I am who You say I am"</span></b></i></span><div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Chosen, <i>never </i>forsaken, I am HIS, I am HIS CHILD, I am CHOSEN, HE is for me, NEVER against me. I am WHO HE says I am. This is what HE is wanting me to understand as the power that in HIS message on which I am to share with, to tell the world WHO HE is, what HE has done. I am starting to grasp the power of HIS message that is alive in me, that I am being called to share. HIS message that has set me apart from this world, to speak, to know, to experience WHO HE is, and WHOSE I am. HE is letting me know that it is imperative that I fully grasp that, as when HE leads me to the masses to share, to open my heart for HIS HOLY SPIRIT to take over, to SHINE HIS light, to speak LIFE not death to the last, the least and the lost, that they will be broken, lost, and feeling hopeless. HE is letting me know that HE is building me strong to SPEAK HIS TRUTH to the weary and broken hearted. HE is wanting me to remember, to keep me close to the recovery, the healing, the process of what it has taken to bring me this far. HE is telling me that in order to remain close to the process, I must SEEK HIM daily and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through each and every single step I am taking.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Now more than ever I am beginning to understand HIS TRUE PURPOSE for my life. I am able to look back on all that I have been through, and smile, full of gratitude that even though I wouldn't have chosen what has happened, I am grateful that HIS love could SEE farther than I ever could, and in HIS timing HE has led me back to my feet, stronger, more aware, my feet planted firmly on <i><b>HOLY GROUND</b></i>, and my heart so incredibly full of HEAVEN.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">"Like it's the air I'm breathing</span><br style="color: #333333; margin: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">I want Your presence</span><br style="color: #333333; margin: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Feet on the Earth</span><br style="color: #333333; margin: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Heart full of Heaven" Zeal by The Belonging Co.</span></i></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><br /></span></i></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my fervent prayer that in sharing my heart, is not to make you feel bad about who you think you are, rather to encourage you to SEEK HIM who is full of grace without condemnation. Friends I pray that you too will be your journey with HIM, to reveal to you, for you to SEE to know WHOSE you are. I pray that today is the first step you will take with HIM leading you to speak from your heart on <b><i>holy ground.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">always, with so much love, compassion, and understanding, (as humanly possible)</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">~ Heather </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #464646; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-89460902933635632432018-03-12T11:16:00.002-05:002018-03-12T11:16:57.055-05:00the wall.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lying face down on my bathroom floor, the text had been sent, my faith was hanging on by a thread... life was too hard.... it hurt way too much.... did anyone really care.... was HE really going to rescue me? Where was GOD in all of this? How is it that I survived all that I did, and now here I am drowning in overwhelming sorrow, pain, and tears? Was HE really working things out for my good, because JESUS if YOU don't come soon, I'm done.... I'm giving up..... not on life.... but living.... I won't give up my life.... I won't take it.... I'm already dead inside..... I'm shattered... I've tried.... I'm trying desperately to hang on..... when LORD when will YOU rescue me?</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The tile on my bathroom floor was cold as I felt the warm salty tears pooling around my face. My makeup was running onto the floor, as I heard the soft buzzing of my phone. A call that would come just in time.... the rescue that I had so desperately needed. HIS promises, HIS love was proclaimed for me.... HE met me right where I was in my time of need.... HE stepped in through HIS living vessel my Sister in Christ N. She boldly proclaimed HIS promises for my life, my families life, and listened as I poured my heart out to her. She prayed a bold audacious prayer over me, for me, and it was then I felt HIS living water begin to fill within me. HIS TRUTH, HIS PROMISE, HIS MERCY, HIS LOVE, HIS GRACE, and HIS overwhelming PEACE. My GOD, My ABBA, My GOD of MIRACLES stepped in, broke through, and rescued me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've already written a post about that breakthrough, but what I have to learn in my walk with HIM this morning is that the breakthrough wasn't really where the healing began. What I didn't realize was that in order to rescue me that day, HE had to break through, and pull me through <i style="font-weight: bold;">the wall. </i>The process of going through that hurt, and unbeknownst to me it would take more than me just surrendering to HIM to pull me through, I never stopped to think about the injuries that I incurred through HIS rescue. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today HE has taken me back and shown me what my injuries were, and what keeps me from truly healing, and all that is stepping up, and trying to block me from stepping, from walking from TRUSTING HIM with my life. You see in my head I know WHO HE IS... I remember HE is the GOD of MIRACLES, but what I forget is though my FAITH is strong, my enemy works overtime to trip me up. Without even realizing it, I allow my self to be fear led. Without even realizing it, I put limits on HIM. Without even realizing it..... I doubt..... and when I doubt.... the enemy remains my stronghold.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thankfully because HE loves me so deeply, HE led me straight to HIS word this morning that ENDS that very thought. <i style="font-weight: bold;">"The LORD is my light and my salvation -- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the <u>stronghold</u> of my life -- whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1 </i>Just when I need it, HE fills me with HIS word, to remind me, to lead me, to teach me, to guide me to SHINE HIS light on the lies of my enemy that have wreaked havoc, and have set up roadblocks to HIS TRUE HEALING.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today HE is helping me realize that in tearing down <i style="font-weight: bold;">the wall</i> HE wants me to know that will require me to be broke open, so that HE can remove ALL that is NOT from HIM. However since I have been so unfathomably hurt by this world, HE is letting me know that HE's not going to just remove everything all at once, as with each removal comes pain.... healing.... and leaves a scar. All of which in my own human understanding I am not able to handle all of it at once. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today is another step in my journey of learning just how merciful HE is. I know this because the agony I once lived through I no longer feel. This I know is because HE is merciful, HE is faithful, and HE has healed me from my time of agony. I realize this because though I can read my words from that time, I remember crying, and feeling so blown away I can't physically remember what it felt like, and to be honest I struggle to put into words how I felt. For this I am so unbelievably, and undeservedly grateful.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the second week in a row I am listening to GOD of Miracles on repeat. Each day as the words play in my ears, the words sink even further into my heart, and HE takes me to a new level of what this song means for me. HE is letting me know that <i style="font-weight: bold;">the wall </i>is only the beginning of the miracle, the break through that HE has planned for me. HE is wanting me to understand that HE doesn't expect me to come to the other side of it healed and whole, as HE is always wanting me to understand what HE has done in me and through me, as its always the beginning of the next crucial step I am going to take. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is no surprise to me that in my humanness I want healing to just be easy. After all living in pain, sorrow, agony, and suffering..... crying oceans of tears..... isn't that enough.... why does healing have to be painful as well? As I think back to this last wall that HE pulled me through and is now tearing down, I am beginning to understand my frustration of what now? I am understanding that even though I "think" I am ready, HE is letting me know I can't possibly be "ready" until I understand HIS good work that HE is doing in me and through me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that just because I'm on the other side, doesn't mean that it won't still be hard. HE is reminding me that being put through the fire to refine, renew, and restore me doesn't come without pain. HE is wanting me to let go of the notion that HE does all things for my good to mean HE does ALL things for my life to be "easy." HE is wanting me to know that HIS good for my life, is to make me more like HIM. What???? This is a concept that I struggle with because in my own understanding I think, "LORD haven't I done enough?" Then before I even finish that thought HE leads me to the next thing that needs to be worked in me and through me, so it can be taken out of me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today during an argument with one of my children where words were said, feelings were leading, HE stepped in, and poured HIS loving reminder into me, that just as I have to be pulled through <i style="font-weight: bold;">the wall</i> so do my children, so does D, and so does everyone else in this world. In my brokenness this morning HE led me straight to HIS word, and all that I've been working on these past few weeks, that all I could think of was <b><i>let faith arise.... NOTHINGS impossible..... HE is the GOD of MIRACLES.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE IS THE GOD OF MIRACLES.... HE HAS BROKEN THROUGH WITH HIS SUPERNATURAL LOVE MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT..... HE IS FAITHFUL.... HIS PROMISES ARE TRUE..... EVERY SINGLE WORD HE SAID IS TRUE..... </span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today I am meditating on, and letting HIS word sink deep into my heart that HE is ALL of the words written above. Today I am overwhelmed by just how much HE loves me, that even though I see an argument as a roadblock, HE SEES as a teachable moment, to lead me, to guide me to reveal HIS truth about what is really going on inside me and the lives of every single person my eyes see. Today I am thankful that HE is giving me the precious gift of HIS WISDOM to SEE beyond what my eyes see. Today I am thankful that HE has created, and cultivated an immense desire to seek HIM so that I will live according to HIS will. Today I am grateful, and I am thankful that TRUE HEALING is happening in me and through me all because HE pulled me through <b><i>the wall.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Friends, I pray that you know that I don't write because I have all the answers. Rather I go back and reread my own posts, because in my humanness I forget, and I too need to the constant reminder. I have had to learn that living for CHRIST is a daily, pursuit, desire, to seek to know, to grow in HIM all because I already know what HE has done for me so far, and I can't wait to SEE and experience what HE has written for the rest of my life. Friends I pray today that if you're hurting from something that you've been battling a long time, I pray that you will let go, and let HIM pull you through <i style="font-weight: bold;">the wall </i>so that you will begin your journey of TRUE healing. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always dear ones, with so much love compassion and understanding,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
<div>
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-63319943739355426022018-03-10T08:39:00.002-06:002018-03-10T08:39:17.232-06:00battle plan....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29368A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29368A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> until the day of Christ Jesus" Philippians 1:6</span></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></i></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">For the past few days I've felt something stirring within me. A desire, a hunger, a thirst, a readiness to SEEK HIM to reveal the next steps that I am needing to take in my journey towards wholeness with HIM. It is no surprise to me this morning that as soon as my pen touched the paper, the readiness, the willingness, to hear, to SEEK, to know HE met me right where I was, and whew.... it's overwhelming just how much HE loves me, how patient HE is with me, and just how far, and how deep HE will take me, rescue me, break me free from all that is keeping me from being WHOLE in HIM.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">let the wise listen and add to their learning,</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-1-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">and let the discerning get guidance" Proverbs 1:5</span></span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Prov-1-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><br /></span></span></b></i>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">While pouring my heart out to HIM this morning, what I felt HE was going to have me write about, HE quickly let me know that I was getting ahead of myself, and wanting to skip the first few crucial steps in what I am needing to know about what HE is leading me to, to take me through, to teach me why I do the things I do, and how to breakthrough, break free through HIM, and allowing HIM to guide me to overcome all that is within me, that is NOT from HIM. Just as a onion peels with so many layers, friends, these are the next few layers that HE is peeling away at what makes me.... well..... me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I studied HIS word this morning, I felt HIS gentle reminder for me to SEEK HIM, HIS wisdom to HEAR HIS voice. While meditating, soaking in that thought, I remembered watching Billy Grahams funeral on T.V. last week, and the first thing that came to mind, was one of Billy's sons speaking about WHO his father was. He said his father was F.A.T. Faithful, available, and teachable. Just as I was writing that thought down so I wouldn't forget I felt HIS loving reminder that in times that are uncertain I <i>must </i>remember to SEEK HIM as HE is the ONE WHO truly understands, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me to make the right choice. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">All this week I've listened to GOD of Miracles on repeat. I believe it is because HE wants me to get it planted deeply, and firmly rooted in my heart, that HE truly is the GOD of miracles, as sometimes with the things I am dealing with in my life, are so beyond my control that HE really is the only one WHO <i>can</i> help me. This morning through this song HE is reminding me once again that in order to truly let go, I must CHOOSE to TRUST HIM and <i><b>Let Faith Arise.</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that HE knows, HE SEES how much I have struggled in my past, and just how anxious I am about my present, and just how fearful..... fear filled I am about my future. HE is pulling back the layers and revealing so much of "little Heather" within me still "trying" to control, and because that part of me doesn't fully grasp... understand..... WHO HE is in me, and what that means for me the decisions that are made by the "little" part of me, I am self destructing, losing self control, and allowing myself to be self absorbed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Learning this has floored me. Leveled me right where I am, and has allowed me to TRULY SEE and begin to understand why it is that I do the things I do, and why they are so detrimental to me. Learning what makes me tick, why I respond in the manner that I do, and SEEING the years of self destructing behaviors that have all been fear led, fear filled, all because of agreements, bondage's, and strong holds that were formed long before I could even begin to comprehend just how destructive they would prove to be in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE let me know right away this morning that HE didn't reveal all of this to me to break me down, but rather to BREAK THROUGH me, to reach "little Heather." To grow me, to mature me, with HIS wisdom and discernment. HE let me know that my time of being locked in the prison of lies that I am not worthy enough to have a healthy, fearless life is over. Today HE is handing me the keys to unlock that prison, and for the first time in my life, I am SEEING my life, my ways of processing, coping, and understanding in HIS light.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Stepping out, and looking UP HE is revealing to me that in order for me to be fully rescued, and made healed and whole I must understand the importance of having a <i style="font-weight: bold;">battle plan. </i>HE is letting me know that there are so many ways that I don't even realize that my way of thinking, dealing, processing, and understanding have been severely compromised. However HIS loving reminder to me today is this, <i><b>"NO matter how far I go, how deeply I am hidden from HIS light, HE will find me. HE will rescue me, HE will SHINE HIS light for me to SEE, to reveal the strongholds, to break me FREE of my chains of addictions, wrong thoughts, and the fear that has led me to make horrendous decisions for my life. HE is my CHAMPION, HE IS NOT DEAD,HE IS ALIVE, and ALIVE in me. HE is MY GOD, THE ONLY GOD OF MIRACLES."</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HIS loving reminder to me today is that I don't have to feel to BE. I don't have to feel grateful to BE grateful. I don't have to feel thankful to BE thankful. My feelings of nice, kind, or wanting to do the right things don't have to be based on my feelings of how I am being treated for me to BE WHO HE has created, called, and needs me to BE. This is a struggle for me, as I am an extremely emotional person, who has endured a lot in my almost forty years on this earth. I always viewed my tenacious, fighter spirit to BE who HE has called me to be, but what I failed to realize was I was being all those things by the world's definition, and NOT BY WHO HE is DEFINED me to BE. So this morning I am finding myself seeking HIM, and allowing HIM to transform, renew, and refine me with HIS word, HIS wisdom, HIS discernment through HIS overwhelming love for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that these next steps are to grow "little Heather" hidden within me, to join in the fight. To give that portion of my life, a voice, to FIGHT BACK in ways that are good, pleasing, and honoring to HIM. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Do not conform</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28248A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28248A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> to the pattern of this world,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28248B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28248B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28248C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28248C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28248D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28248D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">—his good, pleasing</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28248E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28248E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> and perfect will." Romans 12:2</span></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The more HE pulls back the layers, the more HE is revealing to me that the way I have chosen to deal with the circumstances of my life through my thoughts, feelings, and emotions need to mature, to grow, just as HE has already grown my wisdom and discernment in other areas of my life. HE is letting me know that it's time that I stand up, step up, and step out from under the control of being a slave to fear of being a victim. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that HIS battle plan is to ensure the VICTORY that has already been won on my part. That HIS power, HIS strength are within me, and with HIM I won't fail. I WILL break free, and will BE able to stand, to shout, to share HIS message of HOPE that HE truly is the GOD of Miracles, and with HIM, anything, and ALL things are possible through HIM! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">God is within her,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14620A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14620A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">she will not fall;</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-46-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">God will help<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14620C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14620C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> her at break of day" Psalm 46:5</span></b></i></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-46-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The next season of my journey has begun and I can't wait to SEE what HE the GOD of Miracles is going to do in me, through me, and for me. This new season has planted, and grown a deep desire for me to let go of merely surviving this one life I have been given so I can go to HEAVEN. Rather my hearts cry has become, LORD put HEAVEN in me, so I can run my race and finish it by choosing YOUR WILL so that other's will be able to be with YOU in HEAVEN. Now more than ever I am understanding HIS purpose in my pain, my suffering, my struggle. ALL for HIS glory, to mold me, make me relate-able for others to SEE that no matter what happens, HE is our GOD of Miracles, and HE can transform, renew, refine, rebuild anything that the ways of this world have destroyed. HE is there, and for every person that our eyes SEE they are DEEPLY LOVED by HIM.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, my prayer if for you all to feel HIS presence today. Through your hardships, tests, trials, and storms. Through the diagnosis of sickness, failed marriage, rejections, past hurts, deep hurts, abuse, addictions, all of it my sweet friends, I pray that you will SEEK HIM to help you, to let HIM hold you, to lead you, to guide you to teach you HIS ways, so you too will begin your journey towards wholeness. Friends life hurts, it's hard, but I pray today you will come to know HIM as I know HIM and that through HIM with HIM NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING is impossible to overcome, break free, or breakthrough. JESUS changes everything dear ones, this I know, this I believe, this I have lived, this is how I am still living.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">always with so much love, compassion, and understanding,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-72430651482825828712018-03-05T11:06:00.002-06:002018-03-05T11:37:25.048-06:00let Faith arise.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Let faith arise in spite of</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;"> </span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">what I see Lord I believe</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">But help my unbelief </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">I choose to trust You</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">No matter what I feel, let faith arise</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Let faith </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">arise</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">For my champion's not dead, He is alive! </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Oh, and He already knows my every need </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Surely He will come and rescue me" Chris McClarney "GOD of Miracles"</span></span></i></b><br />
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><i>"Lord JESUS let this be my daily hearts cry. Let my Faith arise LORD. Help me to SEE beyond what my eyes SEE in choosing to TRUST YOU in all that YOU are doing, have done, and will do. LORD help me to overcome my unbelief that YOU have amazing plans for my life. Even though within those amazing plans is not promised an easy, happy, fun filled life. Rather YOU LORD, Steadfast, secure, my anchor that HOLDS STRONG in the storms of my life. LORD that my Faith will arise through my circumstances, and will overcome my feelings of helplessness, hopelessness.... that no matter what I may be facing, feeling, or is happening to me that my Faith in YOU will arise. LORD that the lyrics to this song will be embedded deep into my heart just as Cornerstone has. LORD JESUS that I will always remember that YOU are indeed the GOD of miracles as YOU met me in the truck that night when my world shattered. LORD JESUS that I remember to share YOUR message of HOPE of how YOU helped me in my time of suffering. LORD JESUS that I speak of YOUR SUPERNATURAL LOVE that broke through my agony, my pain, sorrow, and suffering that threatened my very existence. FATHER that I speak of YOUR goodness of how much YOU helped me navigate through this journey of loss. LORD that I speak of YOUR PROMISES that I have seen come to fruition in my life. LORD JESUS that with each and every step I take, I ask YOU GOD of miracles to come, to know to believe, to LIVE OUT, SHOUT OUT, that YOU ARE INDEED OUR GOD OF MIRACLES that YOUR SUPERNATURAL LOVE has broken through the darkness and brought me out into YOUR LIGHT. LORD that I tell my story of how YOU rescued me so many times through this journey, that YOU LORD alone have brought me to my knees in tears of reverence. NOT because of anything I did on my own LORD, but that YOU have done through me, for me, ALL for YOUR GLORY. LORD that my story tells of WHO YOU are YOUR FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, in leading me back to the stage on which I stood on October 19, 2014 telling the story of my son's life. Celebrating his earthly life. Leading me back to that stage on February 25, 2018 to reveal to me that each week that I face the stage, I can SEE the HOLY GROUND on which Seth's life, both earthly and eternally are celebrated. LORD JESUS that ONLY YOU could have erased what the powers of hell wanted me to "see" to breakthrough my sorrow, my loss, my suffering. LORD JESUS that you have planted firmly, deeply into my soul YOUR TRUTH of YOUR MESSAGE that has been written for my life, to speak to share, to teach me that I couldn't possibly understand the power of YOUR MESSAGE within me, until I realized, and fully could grasp on which the HOLY GROUND I stand on. LORD JESUS that when I speak YOUR NAME, no matter where I am, I am on HOLY GROUND, I am rooted, planted firmly, to speak, to share, that YOUR PRESENCE will be felt as I witness to the masses. LORD JESUS that YOU LORD are preparing me for this moment in time, to share my story that YOU LORD ARE THE GOD OF MIRACLES. Thank YOU JESUS for loving me, with unconditional love. Thank YOU for YOUR unending grace, overwhelming me with just how much patience YOU have for me to learn WHO YOU are to experience what it means to be YOURS. Thank YOU JESUS for rescuing this little girl lost, that I am NOT abandoned, I am wanted, cherished, and delighted in. Thank YOU JESUS for all YOU have done for me, through me, and to me. LORD JESUS that in all circumstances and steps that I may take let Faith arise. Oh how I love YOU JESUS, Amen."</i></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">God of miracles come</span></span></b></i></div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">We need Your</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;"> supernatural </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">love to break through</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Nothing's impossible</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">You're the God of miracles"</span></span></b></i><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">I struggle to even put into words how I am feeling these days. Yesterday as the worship team played this song, I was overcome with tears in reverence. I had already been crying the entire time I was there, and when the lyrics played into my heart, I was overcome. Overcome by thankfulness that HE has healed me enough in my journey to hear not only the message yesterday, but to also sing this song as I felt the moment where it was my turn to <i style="font-weight: bold;">let Faith arise. </i>The breakthrough I desperately needed, and clung to HIS promises for had come!!!! My GOD, My ABBA, My GOD OF MIRACLES broke through with HIS Supernatural love, showed me that even losing my son..... I could overcome the grief.... the sorrow.... in a way that was honoring. Not that HE would take away my sadness, tears, or even sorrow...but living in sorrow and grief was killing me. I was losing my grip in the fight, and HE knew it, and in the moment where I felt I couldn't go on any longer, HE stepped in with HIS Supernatural love and rescued me. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">A rescue that was through obedience in my fellow Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS. Obedience to answer HIS calling to reach out, to press through the darkness, to SHINE HIS LIGHT to SPEAK HIS TRUTH, TO BOLDLY PROCLAIM HIS PROMISES for my life. TO speak HIS TRUTH DEEP INTO MY weary heart that My CHAMPION is NOT DEAD.... HE IS ALIVE!!! A rescue that has saved me from giving into the sorrow, and accepting this narrative that my enemy wanted me to live. A rescue that has brought me back to my feet, filled me with more strength, and power to endure..... to run this race, my race Fearlessly. Not on my own doing, rather BOLDLY proclaiming that HE is the GOD of miracles, and with HIM NOTHING is impossible. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Let faith arise and see the kingdom come</span></span></i></b></div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">I lift my eyes, oh</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">for the battle has been won</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">My God is faithful, oh </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">and every single word</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">He said is true, oh"</span></span></i></b><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">As I type, my eyes are filled with more tears of reverence as the lyrics above are my TRUTH, HIS TRUTH, HIS HOPE that is alive in me. I'm weepy with tears as it's so overwhelming to me that HE has saved me, rescued me from overwhelming despair. That not even my son's death would destroy me, pull me away from HIM, or that I would lose my life, both earthly and eternally. I am overwhelmed by HIS supernatural love, love that I can't even begin to describe. How I long for the world to know, to experience HIS supernatural love.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">This world is shaking</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">but You cannot be shaken</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">My heart is breaking </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">but I'm not broken yet</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Your love is fearless </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Help me to be courageous too</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 14px;">Oh there is nothing impossible" </span></span></b></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;">In a time where my world was shaken, HE was steadfast, HE was my solid ROCK Foundation, and HE made sure I remembered that in meeting me in the truck that tragic night to remind me of WHO HE IS. HE knew my heart was shattered, and knew how much I needed HIM, and HE stepped in and poured HIS Supernatural love into me. HE gave me breath that night to speak.... to sing..... to cry out to HIM. HE took me on a journey of HIS fearless love, that pursued me..... relentlessly...... to teach me..... to lead me..... to guide me.... to be courageous..... fearless..... all through HIS Supernatural love..... all BECAUSE HE IS THE GOD OF MIRACLES..... and in my journey has lovingly taught me to <b><i>let Faith arise.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, though your hearts may be broken, I pray that you will answer HIS gentle knock on your heart. That you will be radically transformed by HIS Supernatural love, as HE is indeed the GOD of Miracles. I pray that the lies of the enemy.... this world.... will be shut down, shut up, and shut out with HIS Supernatural love. That you will know that with HIM NOTHING is impossible, that through HIM, with HIM you can overcome anything, and HE will be with you through it all. Dear ones.... I pray that you will come to a point in your journey where tears of sorrow will turn to tears of reverence as you experience, SEE, and feel HIS supernatural love. That you too will be able to tell your story that HE IS THE GOD OF MIRACLES.</div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
always with so much love, compassion, and understanding,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</div>
<div>
~Heather </div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-74479229589482694012018-03-01T09:24:00.003-06:002018-03-02T08:33:08.429-06:00selfish Eve.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This October D and I will celebrate twenty years of marriage. This year also marks twenty three years together. I would like to think that in making it thus far, we have a pretty good relationship. We don't fight a lot, but we sure used to! We don't have many harsh words for each other, and well speaking for myself I still really like him, and he still gives me butterflies.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That being said, I'm currently on day 26 of a 31 day prayer challenge for my husband. When I first decided to do the challenge my first thought was, "oh yeah, I'll pray and finally I will SEE the LORD at work in D. "Thinking" that my suggestions would be acceptable in "prayer form." Thinking back, oh man did I set myself up, but surely as HE loves me, HE let me know almost immediately that the "suggestions" I would be making would actually be HIM taking me to a place where I would become <i>beautifully broken.</i></span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">On the third day of the challenge I was to pray for D's connection to GOD. I was supposed to think about how I SEE JESUS in D, and well at first glance I wrote a scathing review. It would only be a few short hours later that HE would begin to work deep in my heart and began a journey of revealing to me my <i style="font-weight: bold;">selfish Eve </i>ways.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This revelation about myself has both shocked me and convicted me in the hardest, but best of ways. My world has been rocked by HIS vision, HIS light that has been shone on my selfishness in my marriage to D. My eyes have been opened, and my heart is being softened to SEEING just how deep of a stronghold my enemy has on my heart when it comes to my husband. To be honest, I am deeply grieved by what has been revealed, however I'm not going to just lay down and take these assaults on my heart anymore, I'm going to stand up, speak up, rise up, take courage and share my journey, my struggle of my <i style="font-weight: bold;">selfish Eve </i>ways.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As I was getting ready this morning, I felt HIM whisper to my heart. "Today you are going to share about being <i style="font-weight: bold;">selfish Eve." </i>I was so caught off guard that I immediately began to "try" to negotiate.... back down.... back out of what HE was telling me to do. So much that after getting ready I grabbed my journal, pen, challenge paper, and bible. As I dug deep into today's challenge, I felt HIM whisper again.... again I acted like I didn't hear HIM, and continued with today's challenge. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When I finished today's journaling, I foolishly thought that would be good enough. Oh man I should have know that whenever I get in this big head of mine, HE'S going to be there to humble me. Finally I picked up my pen, and wrote <b><i>selfish Eve: standing in the way of GOD'S goodness for my husband</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b>"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">No temptation</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 10px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful;</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28581A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28581A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> he will not let you be tempted</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 10px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">beyond what you can bear.</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28581B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28581B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> But when you are tempted,</span><span style="background-color: white;">he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Self Control: where am I exactly? Do I practice self-control? Do I wait on HIS timing and HIS provision for my life, my marriage, my family? How does this affect my husband?</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">These questions made me cringe as I was writing them out. At first glance I thought, oh I'm pretty good at controlling myself.... HA! controlling is the key word.... HE let me know right away that HE isn't wanting me to be in control, rather to relinquish control to HIM, and allowing HIM to teach, lead, and guide me to making the right decisions for myself, that ultimately affect my husband, my marriage, and our family. HE revealed to me that so often in my sadness, my incessant need for things, I often make things happen, and don't bother waiting, praying, or even discussing things with D or HIM. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"</span><span class="text 1Tim-6-7" id="en-NIV-29796" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29796A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29796A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 1Tim-6-8" id="en-NIV-29797" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." 1 Timothy 6:7-8</span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Contentment: Am I content? Do I always want more? Am I always expecting more? Am I willing to live and bloom where I'm planted? Am I always looking to the future, if I only I have, then I'll be..... How does this all affect Duane? Our marriage? Our family? What am I teaching my children? Will they become selfish Eve?</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This question makes me cry, as I can tell you I have hated this season of my life so very much. I have fought living this season with every fiber of my being, exhausting myself, "trying" to just merely survive this season. I can tell you that I wish I were content, but if I'm being completely transparent, all I want to do most days is hide. Run to somewhere in this world where memories won't flood my mind, what was, what isn't, what will never be. The future scares me in the sense of TRUSTING HIM, as my life thus far has been so tremendously hard. HE revealed to me that I'm willing to do what I need to do survive this life, but HE isn't interested in me merely surviving any longer. HIS plan, HIS will, HIS purpose for me is to THRIVE, to SHINE, to BLOOM right where I am. HE is wanting me to Embrace all that I have been given, SEEING that I am TRULY <i>beautifully broken.</i></span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">I will extol the</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">at all times; </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">his praise will always be on my lips." </span></i></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Psalm 34:1</span></i></b></span></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Gratitude: Am I grateful? How do I live that out? How do I model my gratefulness to my husband, my children, this world? How does this affect my marriage to D? What does this teach my children? </span></b></i></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tears are flowing as I type the answer to this question, sadly no I'm not grateful, at least not the way I need to be, not even should be, but NEED to be. So much in my sadness, my hurt, my pain, my sorrow, my missing my son, I portray a life that isn't worthy of gratitude to HIM our Creator. This breaks my heart knowing how much I've dishonored my Abba. So much I long and desire to be rid of the ugliness that grief has created in my heart. So much I want to shut out, shut up, and shut down ALL the lies of the enemy that I have agreed to in the past three years. So much I want to live this new narrative that HE is written for me, that HE is putting me through the fire to refine, renew and restore me. So that I will be rebuilt to LIVE in the way that HE has written for me to live.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b>"<span class="text Eph-4-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">As a prisoner<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29274A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29274A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29274B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29274B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of the calling<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29274C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29274C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> you have received.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Eph-4-2" id="en-NIV-29275" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29275D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29275D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> in love.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29275E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29275E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Eph-4-3" id="en-NIV-29276" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Make every effort to keep the unity<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29276F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29276F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Patience: Am I patient? Do I model patience? Just how impatient am I? Do I really want to know the answer to that? Am I really ready to seek HIS answer? What does this mean for my marriage? How must this must make D feel? How must this make my children feel?</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am probably one of the most impatient people when it comes to D and our children. This pains me greatly to admit, as what I am learning about myself is that those who are closest to me SEE the ugliness that lies underneath the smiling, happy, 'fake" me. They SEE who I really am, the struggles, the angry Mama, the heartbreak, the loss, all of it, they SEE it, they know and through it all they still love me. This is how I know HIS grace is real, as there is NO way my family would put up with me through the way I handle the loss of Seth. How I have handle every single hard thing in my life. HE has revealed to me that every single thought, word, and action that I make and have affect my family in ways that I can't even begin to comprehend. It leads me to question, how much harder have I made their journeys in the poor way I've chosen to live mine? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i style="background-color: white;"><span class="verse-highlight verse-highlight-yellow selection-NIVRom_8_6_0_2_0_97" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">The mind governed by the flesh is death,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28123A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28123A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span class="verse-highlight verse-highlight-yellow selection-NIVRom_8_6_0_2_0_97" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"> but the mind governed by the Spirit is life</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28123B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28123B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="verse-highlight verse-highlight-yellow selection-NIVRom_8_6_0_2_0_97" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"> and peace. Romans 8:6</span></span></i></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Peace: Do I care if my family is peace filled? Do I actively seek peace for them, or just for myself? Do I think about their needs? Do I think about how hard things must be for each of them, or am I more self-focused? Do I think about how much D must need HIS peace daily? Carrying the weight of the family on his shoulders, do I even realize that? How must this affect D? How does this affect our marriage? Do I forget that I am a part of a WE?</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I truly believe that I am on this journey for HIS good, as HE is working deep in my heart on issues that I didn't even realize that I had. When Seth first passed away it was all I could pray for my family and myself was that HE would flood us with HIS peace and drench us with HIS grace. To be honest I don't think I've prayed that much for my family lately. Sadly I have for myself, as well as I am learning in the flesh I am and indeed a <i style="font-weight: bold;">selfish Eve. </i>However, since my desire to live by HIS spirit, I know that this all needs to change, and it starts with me confessing, repenting, and seeking HIM to do the heart work to change my <b><i>selfish Eve ways.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<i><b><span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"</span><span class="text Matt-11-28" id="en-NIV-23488" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Come to me,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23488A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23488A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23488B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23488B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Matt-11-29" id="en-NIV-23489" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23489C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23489C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23489D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23489D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Matt-11-30" id="en-NIV-23490" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30</span></span></span></b></i></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Rest: In my need for rest so I ever seek, pray for rest for D? Do I even care if he receives rest? Do I just view D as strong, and not in need? Is it because of how he went back to work after only one week of Seth's passing? Do I resent him for that, so I don't think of his needs, as I felt abandon with our kids in that most trying time? Have I forgiven him for the way he has chosen to grieve? Do I truly want HIS will for D's life? Do I really desire for D to receive rest?</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Okay, a loaded question. One that brings me to my knees in realizing that I have resented D and how he's handled his grief. My heart breaks that this is an agreement that I have made in my heart about D, as SEEING it in HIS light, I can't imagine how this must make D feel. Thankfully LOVE SEE'S so much farther than I ever could, and LOVE knew that D needed to be the strong one in our marriage, as I was about to be obliterated, lose my mind, and one of us had to remain intact. Though that doesn't mean that D was strong on his own, rather HE was pouring HIS strength into every inch of D's being so that he would be able to endure life as Dad and Mom, as when he lost his son, he also lost his wife.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">May the favor</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 10px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">of the Lord our God rest on </span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-90-17" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">establish the work of our hands for us --</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalm 90:17</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Work: Do I just assume D's job is all GOD has planned for D? Do I assume that serving our family is the only way D is to serve? Is D's life all about our children and I? How must this affect D's work in HIS Kingdom? Is D able to serve others? Is D just too busy to tend to my every incessant need? Do I even realize that HIS plan, HIS purpose, HIS will for D is far greater than just being my husband, and our children's Dad?</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thinking back on my life with D, I've never really given much thought about D's work outside of his career. So much in the past ten years I've just viewed D's career as HIS plan for D's life. After all D is the bread winner in our family, therefore that must be what HE has planned for D's life. Never once did I consider that just as I am Mama, wife, I am also HIS daughter, and I have been called to share HIS message, HIS hope, HIS good news to this broken and fallen world. So why haven't I realized that HE would want the same for D? So much HE is shining HIS light on my <b><i>selfish Eve ways.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">And my God will meet all your needs</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29462A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29462A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> according to the riches of his glory</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29462B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29462B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> in Christ Jesus.: Philippians 4:19</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Health: When I say I care about my families health, do I do things to support that statement? Do I buy, cook, prepare, suggest healthy alternatives, meals? Am I truly doing my share in taking care of our family, or am I still leaning on my crutch of it's too hard? Do I think about my families overall health? Am I only really focused on myself? </span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For me I've become so frustrated in doing things my way, that instead of seeking HIM, I've remained solely focused on myself, HE let me know this is because when I do what I "think" HE wants me to do for my family, it's always with <i style="font-weight: bold;">selfish </i>intent. However when I SEEK HIM, and truly desire for HIS ways for my family, it's not about me, rather about honoring HIM, raising up my children to have desire in their hearts to honor HIM. When it comes to my marriage to D, health is on the back burner, We are merely surviving, eating to pacify needs that can only be met through HIM. Hard work is merely surviving in our eyes. We have taken a "don't rock the boat" approach to everyday living, as there are eight of us in our household now, and it's very overwhelming with each of us dealing with the aftermath of everything that has transpired in our family.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"</span><span class="text 1Cor-13-4" id="en-NIV-28670" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Love is patient,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28670I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28670I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28670J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28670J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-5" id="en-NIV-28671" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28671K" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28671K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> it is not easily angered,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28671L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28671L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> it keeps no record of wrongs.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28671M" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28671M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-6" id="en-NIV-28672" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Love does not delight in evil<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28672N" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28672N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> but rejoices with the truth.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28672O" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28672O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 1Cor-13-7" id="en-NIV-28673" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7</span></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Love: Do I give love freely to D? Do I give love freely to our children? Do I give love freely the way HE gives love? The way HE is love? Do I keep records of wrong? How does the affect my marriage to D? What message does this send to my children? What message am I sending to the people in my life? Am I truly living out my life the way HE intended? Am I intentionally loving? Am I withholding based on merit? Do people have to earn the right to my love?</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Shallow me would say that I'm very loving. I'm a good person, I'm generally nice to everyone, well everyone I like anyway. In all honesty, I feel that HE wants me to be completely transparent of where my heart has been for the past three years. More than I would like to admit I have said, "I hate everyone, and everything." That when I would share that with someone in my grief, they would be offended, and quite honestly would annoy me, as it I viewed myself as an equal opportunist. As if to say, don't take it personally, I'm not singling you out, I hate everyone and everything equally. It's not anything anyone has done. It's just a mindset I've been trapped in my grief. Though I'm not saying those words aloud anymore, my heart is telling me different as HE continues to SHINE HIS light. Even as I type, I'm realizing just how deeply penetrated my heart has been in the anger, jealousy, hurt that other people have been able to live their seemingly "oblivious lives." However since HE loves me so much HE is revealing to me that it couldn't be farther from the truth. HE is letting me know that just because other's aren't as transparent about their struggles, I am NOT alone in hard living. So much in fact everything in this world is incredibly difficult, as a constant reminder of just how much I need HIM. This past weekend my Pastor said this to me, "GOD will always give you more than you can handle." This I know to be true, this I am thankful to know, to understand, and know exactly where to turn to.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I have four more pages from my journal that I haven't written about on today's post, but you get the picture, you see what HE is working on me, working in me, and working through me. The heart change I am enduring, all for HIS good for HIS glory. I am thankful that HE loves me enough to NOT let me be trapped in a prison of lies when it will affect the lives of my husband and my children as well as myself. So much I am grateful for HIS Daily Teachings, for my Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS who challenge me, hold me accountable, and who aren't afraid to SPEAK HIS TRUTH straight to my heart just as I so desperately NEED it.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-29368A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29368A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6</span></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray today that this glance into my life, reading about my struggles will be an encouragement to you that no matter where you are, what you have done, HE is there, HE is waiting, and HIS grace will cover it all. I pray that today will be one of courage and conviction to SEEK HIM so that HE will reveal to you your <b><i>selfish eve ways.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Always Dear Ones, with much love, compassion, understanding, and grace,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-10935316246680202262018-02-27T09:07:00.001-06:002018-02-27T09:07:15.365-06:00Because JESUS.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"How do you keep picking yourself back up, only to be knocked down again. Isn't it better to just stay down so that when the next thing hits you it won't hurt as bad, as when you are happy, and living with JOY the sting of the fall hurts far worse than if you would have just stayed down."</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This question was posed to me last night, and honestly I struggled to speak after a few minutes. So much because the pain from the question was felt, the sorrow in the voice was known. Deep in my heart how I longed for the right answer. I longed to be able to comfort, to give HOPE, but I knew in that moment no matter what I said, all I could do was pray. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well that was last night, and today's a new day and when I presented my request to HIM, HE surely didn't disappoint to help me learn, to teach, to lead, to guide me to speak HIS truth even in the midst of sorrow, sadness, and pain. This morning I had an honest conversation with my Abba about what I would say to someone who is feeling hopeless in their own journey that has been filled with hardship after hardship. This was my response:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS in the moments after leaving Seth's earthly body at the hospital, sitting in the deafening silence, all I could do was cry out to YOU, to sing YOUR praise. Because JESUS YOU were <b style="font-style: italic;">Faithful </b>to teach, to lead, to guide me to remember YOU in times where darkness was all around. Where I hit rock bottom, and NOTHING of this world could even reach me. YOU did, Because JESUS YOU are <b><i>Faithful.</i></b></span><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS after years of ocean living you truly did begin to bind up my wounds, just as YOUR word had promised. Because JESUS YOU are <i style="font-weight: bold;">Sovereign</i> only YOU know how much time it would take for my wounds to be healed. Though my pain is still just below the surface, the scars, those hurt, and are my living reminder of YOUR glory, YOUR mercy in my life, that I survived. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS I survived finding my son lifeless in his toddler bed. Because JESUS I survived the collapse in my driveway. Because JESUS I survived planning the celebration of Seth's precious beautiful life on what was to be his second birthday. Because JESUS I bravely walked through the cemetery that same day to choose his earthly resting place for his body. Because JESUS I survived standing on the stage telling the world about my sweet Seth Daniel. Because JESUS I survived watching, waiting as they placed his little casket before me. Because JESUS.....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS I survived years of depression, PTSD, severe anxiety, and years of sorrow. Because JESUS I survived months of agony in the early days of Seth's passing. Because JESUS YOUR promises are TRUE, and YOU planted them deeply in my heart. Because JESUS YOU blessed us with my precious daughter Joy. Because JESUS YOU taught me to be FEARLESS in my pregnancy with Joy. Because JESUS you showed me that I could TRUST YOU, because of my life before losing Seth YOU proved YOURSELF to be <b><i>Trustworthy.</i></b></span><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS when the pain was all I could feel, YOU were there holding me. Because JESUS when pain bubbled up and out of me, spilling all around me and other people stepped back, YOU JESUS stepped closer, pulled me close in YOUR loving arms, held me, caught all of my tears Because JESUS YOU are <b><i>Loving.</i></b></span><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS when I share my story of the most horrific week of my life my tears may fall, but the agony I once felt, I no longer feel, Because JESUS YOU are <i style="font-weight: bold;">Merciful. </i>Because JESUS YOU knew that one day the agony would leave, and sorrow would settle in. Because JESUS YOU had me grieve openly, in a real raw grief, revealing the depth of my pain to this broken and fallen world in only a way that YOU can. Because JESUS only in agony am I able to write that way. Because JESUS YOU gave me the <i style="font-weight: bold;">Strength </i>to journal to share what I was going through.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS YOU knew my journey would be a <i style="font-weight: bold;">Light </i>for others going through darkness. Because JESUS YOU knew that though I took time, YOU knew that I would seek YOU, and allow YOU to <i style="font-weight: bold;">Refine, Renew, Restore, </i>and <b style="font-style: italic;">Rebuild </b>me. Because JESUS I have been chosen to live this life I have been given. Because JESUS YOU knew how much I would ache and hurt, YOU knew I would need to rebuilt <i style="font-weight: bold;">Strong </i>as YOUR warrior princess. Because JESUS YOU have lovingly taken the time to teach me that YOU are my <b><i>only KING FOREVER.</i></b></span><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS YOU are my <i style="font-weight: bold;">only HOPE. </i>Because JESUS <i style="font-weight: bold;">CHRIST ALONE CORNERSTONE </i>YOU are my <i style="font-weight: bold;">SOLID ROCK FOUNDATION </i>of which I am able to stand firm, to press into in times of trouble, to lean on, to <i style="font-weight: bold;">Rest, </i>to find <i style="font-weight: bold;">Comfort </i>in YOUR <i style="font-weight: bold;">Loving </i>embrace. Because JESUS with just <i style="font-weight: bold;">ONE TOUCH </i>YOU radically changed my life forever. YOU reached down and <b><i>Rescued</i></b> this little girl lost, YOU <i style="font-weight: bold;">Saved </i>me LORD from the depths of hell. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS YOU have given me the <i style="font-weight: bold;">Strength </i>to endure the tests, trials, and storms of my life. Because JESUS YOU have filled me with <i style="font-weight: bold;">Courage </i>to be <i style="font-weight: bold;">Fearless </i>in everything that I face. Because JESUS with YOU I can do all things, Because JESUS YOU can, YOU do, and YOU always will. Because JESUS YOU NEVER grow weary from <i style="font-weight: bold;">Helping </i>me navigate through the darkness of this world. Because JESUS YOU are <i style="font-weight: bold;">Steadfast </i>in YOUR <b><i>Promises</i> </b>to never leave me, nor forsake me. Because JESUS though I am weak, YOU are <b><i>Strong. </i></b></span><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS though I've wanted to quit so many times in this journey of my life, YOU have kept me <i style="font-weight: bold;">Anchored in YOUR HOPE, </i>so that I may <i style="font-weight: bold;">Persevere </i>through all that which the enemy, my enemy "tries" to take me out with. Because JESUS YOU have a <i style="font-weight: bold;">Plan </i>for my life, one to <i style="font-weight: bold;">Prosper </i>me to <i style="font-weight: bold;">Give </i>me <i style="font-weight: bold;">HOPE </i>and a <i style="font-weight: bold;">Future. </i>Because JESUS YOU are in my today's and will be in my tomorrows before I even begin them. Because JESUS that is WHO YOU are. Because JESUS that is how much you <i><b>Love.</b></i></span><br />
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></i>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because JESUS YOU took the time to <b><i>Teach, Lead</i></b>, and <i><b>Guide</b></i> to know, to understand WHO you are, to planted deep into my heart, rooted firmly to my soul, YOUR promises so that when the unimaginable, unthinkable, unfathomable happened in my life..... Because JESUS YOU are the <i>only </i>reason I survived. Because JESUS I survived because I clung to YOUR <b style="font-style: italic;">Promises </b>because YOU gave me <i style="font-weight: bold;">HOPE </i>when there was nothing else to hold onto, all Because JESUS YOU taught me I am YOURS, and YOU are mine.</span><br />
<br />
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray that if you are hurting today, you will turn to the <i>only ONE WHO can </i><b style="font-style: italic;">HEAL </b>you. I pray for your broken wounded heart. Friends, I know you are weary, HE knows just how weary you are, I know how hurt you are feeling, so much that you're thinking, "you have no idea," you're probably right, but HE does, and if you'll let HIM in, HE will bind up your wounds, HE will make you whole, HE will pour HIS strength into, HE will SHINE HIS light on you, and HE will give you HOPE and a Future. Friends, I am praying and believing that HE is TRUSTWORTHY for me, for you for all of us. I pray that HE will surround you with people to help you in your journey, and will give you the guidance to work though all that of which the enemy has tried to wipe you out with. Dear ones, I pray you know that you are never alone, HE is always with you. Answer HIS gentle knock on your heart, and I promise you will experience the most radical change in your life.<br />
<br />
Always with so much love, compassion, understanding, and grace,<br />
<br />
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,<br />
<br />
~ Heather<br />
<br /></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-47135648630305103572018-02-25T15:45:00.002-06:002018-02-25T15:45:47.865-06:00new.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Chains fall..... fear bow.... here now.... JESUS YOU change EVERYTHING...... Lives healed.... hope found..... here now..... JESUS YOU change EVERYTHING." Passion " Holy Ground"</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My new life began on June 22, 2004 as I rose up out of the water as a new creation in CHRIST JESUS. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>"<span class="versenum" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28895A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28895A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> the new creation</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28895B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28895B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> has come:</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:17</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">My new life was full of gradual change at first, but then nine months into receiving Salvation, my life took a major turn, one that threw me straight into HIS loving arms. A journey of HIM pulling back the shades on all that had been hidden in my past, my childhood, all the abuse that I suffered in the darkness. The lies, the manipulations, the fears, the horrific memories of all that had been inflicted upon me as a little girl. HE began to SHINE HIS light on everything, and brought all of my darkness out into HIS light, and HE began the process of binding up my wounds from the inside out. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Nine months of intense therapy twice a week brought me to a peaceful place of healing when it came to my childhood, and thus began a new journey of forgiveness for all of the people who hurt me, and who allowed such pain to be inflicted upon me. One by one, HE led me with HIS grace, and taught me how to forgive, how to love, and filled me with HIS wisdom to SEE what had happened to the people in their own lives, as to why I was hurt so deeply.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">With each new step I took in forgiving, accepting, and embracing my calling, my purpose for my life, I was determined, that NO ONE PERSON would ever have to live in the darkness, that I would share my story with this broken and fallen world, to give HOPE, to SHINE HIS light in the darkness of abuse, the shame, the guilt, the brokenness, and the immense heartbreak that abuse caused. The fear, the distrust, the anxiety, all of it, I would BE HIS MESSENGER of HOPE, I would go into the darkness, I would speak HIS TRUTH, and I would BE HIS LIGHT SHINER. I was determined that this was my purpose, my calling. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">As I began to share my story, HE had me begin this blog, and from the beginning HE let me know that I was to be transparent in my writings. HE let me know that this blog had nothing to do with me, and had EVERYTHING to do with HIM reaching the last, the least, and the lost in this broken and fallen world. That it wouldn't be for my benefit, to make me feel good, rather for HIS GLORY. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">To be honest, when I started this blog, I thought I understood completely what HE was telling me, as it was about my past, and I was at peace with my past, and I knew that was only because of HIM. When I look back on my writings whenever I felt worried that I would offend someone, HE silenced my fears, and let me know that it was for HIS glory not mine. In fact whenever I wrote something that was self-serving HE never allowed me to publish it. My computer would always malfunction, and would just delete. Humbled I would seek HIM and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me to write, to share, to speak HIS TRUTH, to SHINE HIS LIGHT where HE called me.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">For a year I shared HIS truth, and I learned WHO HE was, is, and always will be. I learned HIS promises, and planted them, deeply rooted in my heart. Thinking..... all because it was my purpose to know HIM, to share HIS TRUTH in the lives of those who are still trapped their journeys of abuse. Thinking..... I would be put on a stage to speak to women to encourage, to share my life story, before JESUS and after. Thinking.... prayer would be my ministry, I would invite women into my home, to pray, to love them, to teach them how to proclaim HIS promises for their lives. Thinking...... oh if only I had known.... </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come just one short year later.... Losing Seth.... losing me.... my mind, my heart being shattered.... thinking back... I still remember when the switch flipped in the moments laying face down waiting.... to be rescued.... in my driveway in the rain..... in the mud..... in my socks...... my cries of agony...... without realizing that a new life had begun..... life with a piece of me living in HEAVEN.....</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Driving home that night, feeling of disbelief, shock, and total confusion.... how GOD, WHY.... what.... what now..... how do we tell our other children..... oh my GOD Sethie.... my Sethie...... the silence in the truck with D and I was deafening.... <i>"My hope is built on nothing less.... than JESUS blood and righteousness.... I dare not trust...... the sweetest frame.... but wholly trust in JESUS name..... Christ alone..... Cornerstone.... the weak made strong.... in the Savior's love..... and through the storm...... HE is LORD..... LORD of all....." </i>Cornerstone by Hillsong United.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Two nights ago, I found myself driving to our church's first women's conference. Tears drenching my cheeks before I even arrived, a heaviness... an overwhelming need for relief... overcame me..... and before my feet even hit the ground.... I found myself completely undone....</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">I walked through the door and saw my therapist, my beautiful sister in CHRIST K. She hugged me, asked me what was wrong, and the tears just kept falling. Tears that I couldn't even explain, but I could feel something rising up within me.... something new....</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">The night began with worship, and try as I might I couldn't stop crying.... even when we were singing upbeat songs of praise. My tears violently fell... and all I could think was "thank goodness I wore a black cardigan to wipe up all my tears." The more I cried, the more I began to seek HIM for answers as to WHY, what was going on within me..... and the band started to play "Cornerstone." </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">At that point in the night I was done.... so over crying, and needed desperately to understand WHY I was even there. I mean after all I could have stayed home and cried, in the comfort and shelter of my home. However, what I know now is that HE didn't want me comfortable, HE wanted me exposed, vulnerable, to be broken open... to HE could reveal what was really hurting me. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Thus began a tough weekend of getting my butt kicked spiritually in letting go the victim mentality, and stepping into HIS light..... putting on HIS armor.... and standing FIRM to BE HIS warrior. Words of affirmation that it was time to take my life back. STOP living the narrative that this world has placed on me. Hearing loud and clear that I had allowed myself to become to lost in my own despair, that I had forgotten ALL that HE had done in my past, and even though my pain, my sorrow is far different than that of my past of which I am now FREE, HE is wanting the same thing for me in the tragedy of losing my son.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">While driving to church this morning with D and three of our children the words, "I feel like going there means you're all moving on." Heartbroken words spoken by one of my children. Words so full of emotion ranging from anger, disbelief... and complete despair. I felt HIM speak straight to my heart..... <span style="color: blue;"><b><i>"Dear Heart your new narrative is "moving forward.... making the choice daily to let MY LIGHT SHINE in the darkness of your tragedy, or continue down this path of despair, and allow your enemy to steal your JOY."</i></b></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><b>New</b></i>..... thinking.... perspective...... battle to be won..... TRUTH........ CONFIDENCE..... all of it so overwhelming to me.... yet so freeing. I am SEEING my life with a fresh new pair of eyes.... I am SEEING my story..... HIS Story as a beautiful story of redemption. A story of a FATHER moving the heavens to reach HIS daughter, to save her from the evil of this world. A story of a FATHER lovingly, compassionately, tenderly binding up her wounds with HIS unconditional love. Filling her heart with HIS love, and pouring HIS strength into her, through her, and allowing it to flow through her as HIS living water soothes all of the aches and pains that she has had to endure in this world. A story where a FATHER teaches a little girl lost..... just how much she is loved and cherished. A story so full of HIS grace, HIS mercy where she no longer has to feel left out... abandoned.... alone.... or afraid. A story of a FATHER WHO made sure that she knew that HE would make beauty from the ashes of her being put through the fire. A story where a FATHER would lovingly refine, restore, renew... and rebuild HIS warrior PRINCESS DAUGHTER, HIS ROYAL TREASURE. HIS BEAUTIFUL BELOVED LIGHT SHINER to BE HIS MESSENGER of HOPE. </span></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Once again in my life, HE is making all things new in me... for me...... ALL for HIS GLORY. To GOD BE THE GLORY FOREVER and EVER.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
~ Heather </div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-65395386154134266112018-02-13T16:04:00.000-06:002018-02-13T16:06:12.955-06:00hidden....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm ready to turn forty in just four short months. I am ready because my thirty's have been brutal to me. It has been by far the most challenging, excruciatingly painful decade of my life. My thirty's hold so many memories of self destruction, anger, strife, identity crisis, marital problems, divorces door step more than once. Weight gain, PTSD, therapy, medication, sleepless nights, and overwhelming sorrow. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today during a conversation I found myself saying all of that in one sentence. "I'm so ready to turn forty, as my thirty's were brutal, and by far the worst decade of my life". As soon as I said it, I felt HIM tug on my heart, <span style="color: blue;"><i><b>"Dear Heart, I know this rainy season has kept you from sunshine, but take heart Dear Heart, I'm here, and the sun is shining in your life again. You've made it, keep clinging to ME, and come sit with ME for a while as I take you back to all the goodness hidden in the darkness that needs to come to the light for you to see all that you've forgotten."</b></i></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here's what HE reminded me of this afternoon of all HIS goodness that happened in my thirty's. When my thirtieth birthday rolled around, I found out that I had been chosen to be my now nine year old son's mama. D and I were shocked as we had three daughters, and were convinced that we would have another girl. Much to our surprise and complete delight HE blessed us with our first born son. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I turned thirty-two I began to seek answers as to WHO I was, and what HIS gifts were in my life, and how I was to use them. ( previously I was completely self destructing as I didn't understand how to tell my story, all I knew was the pain I had endured, and desperately needed validation for my pain) HE led me to a new church where I met with one of the Pastor's and began a spiritual gifts evaluation. After two weeks, a test, and counseling, I learned that mercy, discernment, and wisdom were my top three. I also learned that prayer, and teaching made the top five. When he said prayer, I was like, "oh no way, I hate praying." Yes seriously, I said that.... a little back story, I never liked to pray in public, out loud, and never felt as if though I really understood how to pray. I felt inadequate with my words, and that my prayers didn't make any sense. I was nervous as to what other people would think if they heard me pray. So naturally when he said prayer, I was horrified and pushed the thought as deep down as I could.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I turned thirty-three I started attending a church I left during a particularly hard learning rainy season of life, There I found myself signing up for a prayer class. Yes, me, Heather, who hated to pray was signing up for prayer class. It was there that would learn and understand how to be an intercessor to prayer. It was also when I would learn that D and I were expecting once again. I was shocked to put it lightly, and felt strongly that I needed to pray for the precious little life in my womb. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I began to pray, and dream what life would be like as a mama of five, and just as soon as I began dreaming, it was only a few short weeks later that I would learn that I suffered a subchorionic hematoma (placenta detached) the baby had survived but needed to be on bed rest, and start progesterone injections. I was devastated, but so determined that the baby would be HIS miracle in my life, and that would be a part of my story that I would share of HIS goodness (afterall.... I was faithful.) </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Two days later in my bathroom with D holding tight to me, I suffered my second miscarriage. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I was crushed, confused, and couldn't understand WHY HE had allowed us to lose once again. I mean I got why when I was twenty-five I miscarried, I was newly in FAITH, but not really walking with the LORD yet, but now, I was so dedicated, so committed.... well at least I thought I was.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I turned thirty-four I was in the middle of my pregnancy with Seth. By far the hardest pregnancy I had at that time. I was on progesterone injections twice weekly, and to be honest too terrified to become attached to my baby, as what if I lost him, how could I possibly survive yet another loss, another heartbreak in my life? So for the first four months of my pregnancy, I cried daily, and asked HIM why.... why now, how could I ever be a good mom to a baby that I was too terrified to love, to embrace, to dream for.... much less to pray for.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Slowly as each month passed the danger months and when I was able to stop the injections, I started to breathe.... to dream..... to pray. I would dream of the days where my boy's would be outside playing together, racing cars across the kitchen floor, taking bubble baths, and laughing at all the water that washed the bathroom floor for me. I dreamt of the nights of tuck ins, stories, cuddles, and kisses good night. I dreamt of them dating, the girls they would bring home to meet their Mama, their wives, their children. I dreamt of sports they would play, and the hair pulling moments I would endure as a mom of boys.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If I'm being honest that last paragraph hurt to type, as it's been awhile since I went back into those memories of praying, dreaming, hoping, and anticipating life with my two boys. As by now you know, or maybe you don't that sadly my hopes, dreams, and prayers have all gone unanswered as sadly D and I lost Seth just two days before his second birthday. His death was tragic, devastating, and obliterated me. On Sunday October 19, 2014 we laid to rest Seth's earthly body.... along with our hopes, dreams, and prayers for our precious son, and our life as we knew it with two boys.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I turned thirty six, I was deep into my discovery of who HE is, and was dedicated to writing and posting on this very blog daily. HE was taking me through so many challenging moments of forgiveness, and little did I know was preparing me, teaching me HIS promises, planting, and deeply rooting HIS word in the deepest part of my heart, as little did I know just how much I would cling to HIS promises.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have often said that nothing could have prepared me for 4pm October 13, 2014, but if I am being honest, HE did, HE has, and will continue to do so. I say this because since the worst day of my entire life, I have learned that HIS love SEES so much farther than I ever could. I have realized that HE loves me so much that HE took those two years prior to Seth's passing to prepare my heart so that I would know WHO HE is, and WHOSE I am, and it was after Seth's passing, the next three years that I would fully experience, and discover what it means to be HIS. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I turned thirty-seven I was expecting our daughter Joy, and we had just moved into a new home. Double the blessings was the motto of our lives. I found myself being able to breathe in our new home, yet I was still struggling to do.... to think..... to be....... all which led me to therapy, treatment, medication, and slowly HE began to work in the depression, anger, jealousy, PTSD, and the most overwhelming sorrow I've ever known.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I turned thirty-eight I was deep in the ocean of grief.... the darkness was all around, and all I could SEE was a glimmer of light, a glimmer of HOPE, of which I clung to. HIS lighthouse.....was my lifeline. I was terrified of drowning, and was in horrendous pain from all the suffering that my family and I had endured. I was too afraid to be HOPEFUL for our future, as it seemed that even though we were already suffering, life was getting harder, our family was hanging on by a thread, and when I looked around I didn't recognize any of us. I felt like it was all just a dream.... the worst nightmare.... and I was begging for HIM to come wake me up.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This past June I turned thirty-nine, and that is when I really began to experience the breakthrough that I had been praying for. I remember slowly feeling more like myself as my brain didn't hurt anymore to think, and I finally felt like being domestic, (prior to that time I couldn't have cared less about how my house looked on a daily basis, feeding my family meant ordering out, and as long as my family knew where things were in the house, I didn't care where things were stored.) Within three short months I was fully independent from medication and treatment, and found myself leaning in and pressing into HIM for help. I began to realize that my story was a survivor's story, a story of surviving the fall from the jagged cliff, plunging into the deepest darkest ocean of pain, sorrow, and agony. A survivor who clawed her way onto the distant shore......only to have the tides of grief sweep her back out into the ocean. Clawing, her way back, finally making it back onto the shore, and slowly with HIS help standing. A story of a wife and Mama of six who fought hard to live and not give into the horrendous circumstances of her life. A story of triumph that no matter what happened to her, she didn't give up, she clung to JESUS she placed ALL her trust in HIM, and HE helped her learn to stand, and to BE HIS light as a SURVIVOR ON THE SHORE.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I sit here typing my story today is, I have learned that the tides of grief will still drag me back into the ocean from time to time, but I can TRUST, I can know that HE is there helping me, filling me with HIS TRUTH, overwhelming me with HIS peace, and drenching me in HIS grace as I learn to live with the grief that ebb's and flows in my life. I am learning that HIS mission, HIS purpose for my life, is to take me into the <i>hidden </i>places of me to SHIINE HIS light so that I will live out HIS purpose, HIS plan for my life. I am learning to embrace all the things that the enemy banks on to break me, to allow HIS grace to uncover, to help, to guide, to teach, to lead me to BE HIS LIGHT as a SURVIVOR ON THE SHORE for those who find themselves clawing their way to the distant shore. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thinking back to my conversation today leaves me feeling grateful, for HIM loving me enough to speak HIS TRUTH into the deepest part of my heart, and revealing all that has been <b><i>hidden</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am overwhelmed by how patient HE is with me, and waiting for me to SEEK HIM as HE reveals all that which has been buried deep within me. I am thankful that HE is my REDEEMER, HE IS ALIVE in me, and HE is continuing to do HIS GOOD WORKS within me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I pray today that if you find yourself lost, alone, confused, wondering how in the world did you get to where you are. I pray that you will seek HIM, and let HIM take you on an amazing journey of discovery as HE uncovers all that has been <i style="font-weight: bold;">hidden </i>deep within you. I pray that as HE does you will SEE and experience just how much HE loves you. I pray friends, that if you find yourself in a place to hurt to move, to think, to do, to be, I pray that you will feel HIS presence as HE encompasses you in HIS love. I pray that you will feel HIS overwhelming peace, and you will know that HE is there, waiting for you, and all you have to do is breathe..... breathe and know Dear Ones, HE loves you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always with so much love, compassion, prayers, and understanding,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-1924631171297009222018-02-11T16:40:00.001-06:002018-02-11T16:40:21.035-06:00anchored....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul" Hebrews 6:19</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is not lost on me that in my darkest hour of the impending darkness that would cover our home, our family, our life, our very existence that HE reminded me of a promise that I had learned just two short years before. On the night of Seth's passing my mind was racing as to how..... why..... what do I say.... how do we tell them their baby brother died? The silence in the long (10 minute) drive home was deafening. It was as if the whole world swallowed us whole, and though life was going on around us, we were living a nightmare that we just couldn't wake up from. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My tears had stopped as I tried to think of what to say, and when my words failed, HIS HOLY SPIRIT began to speak for me through song. Instead of crying out my anguish, the words flowed from my heart, "my hope is built on nothing less, than JESUS blood and righteousness, I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly trust in JESUS name. CHRIST alone, CORNERSTONE, the weak made strong in the SAVIORS love, and through the storm HE is LORD, LORD of all."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> The memories of that night flowed through my mind...... and captured my heart in this very thought. HE loved me enough to teach me of HIS promises so that when my darkest hours were upon me, when I felt as though I would die from the pain, agony, and sorrow I endured, I would cling to HIS promise that with HIM I would <i>always </i>be <b><i>anchored.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you are on social media with me either on Facebook or Instagram there is a hashtag that HE has placed on my heart to use whenever I am sharing what HIS promises look like in my life, how HE has helped me in surviving the loss of my son, and overcoming the grief, living with the sorrow, finding JOY in the heartache, all because I am #anchoredinhishope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To be honest when I first started using that hashtag, I didn't realize fully what it meant. I mean sure I knew partially what it meant for me, but really it wasn't until this morning that HE took me to the next level of what HIS promises mean for my life. HE is leading me to the next steps of how to share my story of being <i style="font-weight: bold;">anchored.</i> Today HE is asking me to share the ways in which HIS promises have filled me with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE.... CERTAINTY.... that in HIM, with HIM there is always HOPE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is reminding me of the past three years where I have clung to HIM. My prayers full of tears, asking why, how, and what now. HE's heard my cries of anguish in the disbelief that this is my life, that Seth's life here on earth is just over, no warning, no time to say goodbye, just over. HE is telling me that HE has been there every single step of the way when someone has questioned me how I could possibly go on, or for the people who've worried that I would give up. HE knows how frustrating it has been for me to defend myself, proving myself, explaining myself, and HE is letting me know that today it's not my job to defend, rather share HIS promises, and when we remind ourselves, eventually HIS promises will go from our ears, to be embedded deep in our hearts. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that it's not so much about me sharing all my struggles anymore, rather WHO HE is in the storms of my life. I mean after all I'm human, so of course there is trouble in my life. HE is telling me that it's time that I share what it means to be <b style="font-style: italic;">anchored in HIS HOPE. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b style="font-style: italic;"><br /></b>
For the past eight days I have participated in a thirty one day prayer challenge for my husband. To be honest with you when I first started praying I was like, "finally I'm going to get HIM to change my husband." Ha! Oh man I should have realized that humble pie that I would be eating. It didn't take long for my selfishness to take over in my prayers, and on the second day my heart was wrecked at first in a bitter.... jealous way.... and it wasn't until I fully surrendered to HIM and allowed HIM to work in me, did I SEE and know what it mean to really pray for HIS will for my husband, and not me just making "suggestions."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b style="font-style: italic;"><br /></b>
As I was taking notes during today's message I felt HIM speak deep into my heart about if I am able to share about HIS promises, and how I clung to them in the past three years of surviving and learning to live again with a piece of my heart living in heaven, then why is my soul so downcast when it comes to the other struggles in my life? Had I not realized that HE wasn't going to just be there for helping me learn to live with the loss of my son, rather HE cares so deeply for me, that just as HIS promises kept me <i style="font-weight: bold;">anchored </i>in my darkest hours, HIS promises are there for me in <i>every.single.aspect. </i>of my life. That NOTHING in my life goes unnoticed by HIM. That HE SEES farther than I ever could, and I NEED NOT to worry about a thing, no matter how bad I am hurting, or worrying, HE is there, and HE is with me <i>always. </i>This my friends is #anchoredinhishope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that even though I SEE my problems as worldly and not as dire as losing my son, and healing and recovering from having my heart shattered, by now surely I will have learned that HE is WHO HE says HE IS!!! HE DOES what HE PROMISES!!! HE IS FAITHFUL!!!! HE IS UNSHAKEN!!!! HE IS UNCHANGING!!! HE IS MERCIFUL!!! HIS LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL!!! HE IS OUR HEALER!!! HE WILL MEET EVERY SINGLE NEED!!! HE IS ALIVE!!! When we cling to HIS PROMISES, friends that is when we are ANCHORED in HIS HOPE!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In being #anchoredinhishope I can tell you that HIS WORD IS TRUE!!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>"<span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">The</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="small-caps" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> is </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">close</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">to</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">the</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">brokenhearted</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18</span></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></b></i>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Friends, I know this to be true, as I have lived this for the past three years of my life. I can tell you that there were months where all I could do was cry out, "I hurt" and HE responded, <i><b><span style="color: blue;">"I know I am with you." </span></b></i></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">My </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">tears</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” Psalm 42:3</span></i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></i></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">For the longest time I remember thinking, "will I ever stop crying?" I felt as though crying would be what I was going to have to do for the rest of my life. That HE made me this emotional mess of a person, and my journey would be that of tears. I can honestly tell you my tears lie just beneath the surface, however I can now endure daily living without falling apart. That is not to say that I'm not easily stirred when it comes to all that I have endured in losing my son. However because HE has been there with me, catching all of my tears, and giving me, filling me with purpose for my pain, HIS glory SHINES through me, and I am able to share that even though I still cry, it's not of pain or anguish, rather its tears of reverence, memories, and love for HIM and for my sweet Seth Daniel.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">He heals the brokenhearted and </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">binds</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">up</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> their </span><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">wounds</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">." Psalm 147:3</span></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></b></i>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">It was during my time in the ocean of overwhelming, sorrow, sadness, anger, depression, and the deepest grief I've ever known that I clung to HIS promises, HIS PROMISE that HE would never leave me nor forsake me. It was then that I told myself that I could do this, I could endure this suffering, as I knew HE would redeem me from my anger, my strife, my agony, my suffering, and it wasn't a matter of if, it was always when. That's not to say that in my weakest moments with the enemy taunting me to give up, that surely I couldn't possibly keep trusting HIM, after all HE took away my son, HE broke my heart, and HE doesn't love me or care about me. It was in those moments that HE taught me about RIGHTEOUS ANGER, and I learned to pray for strength to endure whatever was happening, whatever steps I needed to take for healing and recovery I could do, I would do. All because HE had deeply rooted HIS PROMISES in my heart that kept me #anchoredinhishope.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">I could probably write for another ten hours of all the ways HE has helped me and has kept me from letting go. What I will end with today is this, friends HIS word says it best </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></i></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">"</span><span class="text Rom-8-37" id="en-NIV-28154" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">No, in all these things we are more than conquerors<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28154CB" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28154CB" title="See cross-reference CB">CB</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> through him who loved us.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28154CC" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28154CC" title="See cross-reference CC">CC</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Rom-8-38" id="en-NIV-28155" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28155CD" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28155CD" title="See cross-reference CD">CD</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> nor any powers,</span><span class="text Rom-8-38" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span class="text Rom-8-39" id="en-NIV-28156" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28156CF" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28156CF" title="See cross-reference CF">CF</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39</span></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span class="text Rom-8-39" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></i></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my prayer that HIS word will be an infallible source of comfort, wisdom, and discernment that will teach, lead, and guide you to run your race, to fulfill you purpose as a part of HIS mission. Friends I pray that if you are growing weary, that you will cling to HIS PROMISES, speak them, meditate on them, and proclaim them for your life so that you to will be #anchoredinhishope. I pray that HIS word which is full of stories of triumph, hope, perserverence, will encourage, uplift, and cheer you on to keep your eyes on JESUS so that you will finish your race all for HIS glory. Friends, take heart, HE is with you always, and will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. HE is with us always, as we bravely, courageously, with hearts abandoned risk the cliffs and the oceans to tell the world about JESUS.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">"</span><span class="text Heb-12-1" id="en-NIV-30214" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30214A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30214A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> with perseverance<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30214B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30214B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> the race marked out for us,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Heb-12-2" id="en-NIV-30215" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>fixing our eyes on Jesus,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30215C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30215C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> the pioneer<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30215D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30215D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30215E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30215E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> scorning its shame,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30215F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30215F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30215G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30215G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Heb-12-3" id="en-NIV-30216" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30216H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30216H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3</span></span></i></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Always Dear ones, with much love, prayers, compassion, and understanding,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">~ Heather </span></span><br />
<span class="text Rom-8-39" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span>
<span class="text Rom-8-39" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<br /></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-50673182282172703682018-01-31T12:23:00.001-06:002018-01-31T12:23:16.590-06:00tears of reverence.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you have been following my blog since the loss of my son, you will know the significance of the song <i>"Cornerstone"</i> and what it means to me. If you haven't it is the song that I sang in our truck on the drive home to tell Seth's siblings that he was now with JESUS. It was 8pm, and D was driving, the truck was eerily silent, and all I could do was sing, and the first song that came to mind was <i>"Cornerstone."</i> <i>"My hope is built on nothing less, than JESUS blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly trust in JESUS name. CHRIST alone Cornerstone, the weak made strong in the Savior's love. Through the storm HE is LORD, LORD of all."</i></span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nothing could have prepared me for the storm that we were driving into, and just how long the storm would last. As the weeks unfolded, the shock and horror of that fateful day were like daggers to my raw shattered heart. As the months passed, the wound still raw started to heal for a few moments at a time. I went from crying every hour, to every two hours, to the day where I went a full six hours without crying. Then crying because I made it six hours without crying, and it felt like I was leaving my little boy behind. Then as the months turned into years, I found myself walking into the third year without Seth. The raw wound had finally healed, but just beneath the surface lay all of my sorrow, hurt, and pain that I must live the rest of my life here on earth without my son. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Three years ago I began to cry tears of agony, which led to tears of anger, and onto tears of sorrow, leading to tears of memories, and now I have reached a new level of tears and those are <b style="font-style: italic;">tears of reverence. </b>Last Friday night during worship we sang <i>"Cornerstone"</i> and instead of crying from tears of memories of the worst day of my life, I cried tears in knowing that the words of the song were TRUTHFUL TRUTH FILLED, as they are so very TRUE for my life. I cried because in thinking about just how far I have come in healing and recovery I know it is ONLY because of HIM. I cry because of HIS unconditional love for me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I remember crying when the next phase of healing came in the form of medication, and just how betrayed and angry I felt that it wasn't enough to lose my son, deal with his loss, and the utter devastation that my family had gone through. The living nightmare that was our daily reality, the harsh words, the criticism, the frustration that I wasn't better, had accepted yet, hadn't moved on, hadn't chosen JOY and happiness. I was angry, frustrated, and pretty much hated everyone and everything. I remember crying when people would call me out on my anger, as if though I had offended them personally, which was never my intention you see when you live in darkness like I have, living in the deepest ocean of grief and sorrow you don't really care how anyone else feels, or single anyone out. Any and all people who smile, have happy moments you find yourself hating them, jealous of them. It wasn't as if though I chose to hate people individually, rather I hated everyone equally. Nothing personal, other than my pain, which to me was so devastatingly personal, and couldn't talk about it well, or explain it well, which left me feeling frustrated, angry, bitter, and alone.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For months the anger was so deep within, that is until I was completely exhausted from hating everything and everyone, being angry, and bitter, the jealousy was wrecking any semblance of peace that I so desperately needed. Finally I cried out to HIM to please take away all of this anger that was destroying me, and fill me with HIS peace to endure, to heal, to recover, and please ask HIM to please show me the way and the steps that I needed to take in order to move forward in my life.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It most certainly wasn't easy, in fact in ways it was more difficult, as in weaning off my medication was proved to me the most challenging thing I faced. As the medication masked my feelings, didn't allow me to feel the magnitude of everything that was going on around me. Stepping back into my role as Mama and wife proved to be overwhelmingly challenging, as so much had happened and transpired in my three years of basically being checked out of being in a daily routine as Mama and wife. Slowly though, through HIS loving SOVEREIGN hand HE led me through the steps that I needed to take to heal, and recover, and before I knew it I finally felt well enough to stand at my kitchen sink and do my first load of dishes for the first time since before Seth died.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Washing dishes was only the beginning. Next came laundry, and that was a daunting task, and overwhelmed me as I wondered how in the world I ever managed it before. Finally with the help of my loving husband, I learned how to manage that, as we still tag team it today. Next came make a grocery list, learning to cook again, how to multi-task in the kitchen was incredibly difficult, as my mind was still learning to process during pressure situations. I say pressure as the kids are hungry, and demanding, and whew, praise JESUS for HIS grace. One of the hardest things I had to relearn in cooking was chopping and prepping, as I hadn't realized just how much I had forgotten how to do.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It shouldn't have been such a surprise to me, as when I went to drive shortly after Seth died, I had to relearn how to drive my truck. So in dealing with PTSD I have learned to give myself grace in relearning things that I once knew, and being thankful that just because I did something someway before, didn't mean that I couldn't do things differently. So much in fact that when I look at myself now, I'm NOTHING like who I was then. From the way I wear my hair, my makeup, my clothes, my writings, my prayers, and my tears. Though I still cry tears of sorrow, and memories, most of my tears today are <i><b>tears of reverence</b></i>.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I cry not because of how different my life is, rather I cry because of WHO HE IS, and WHAT HE HAS DONE for me in this journey of loss. I cry because HE is sharpening my mind to do what HE has called me to do, and for the fact that HIS unfailing love is giving me the strength to continue on to persevere through each new test, trial, and storm that I face. I cry because I know that even though I am facing challenges, I know that HE is with me every single step of the way. I cry because even when my world is spiraling out of control in my mind, I know that HE is SOVEREIGN and is in control, and all I have to do is lean into HIM, and press into HIM for courage and strength and wait on HIS perfect timing. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today my tears are of thankfulness for HIM allowing me to remember my sweet Seth Daniel in my dreams. For the past two days and I've had dreams about Seth as a tiny baby. Dreams of which have both awoken memories that have been kept lovingly by HIM until I was ready to remember. Today I am so grateful for my LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER WHO knows whats best for me, and WHO'S light is shining on me, in me, and through me to share of all of HIS goodness and what HE has done for me.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray today that you will know that if your heart is breaking, that you will know HE is with you. HE is holding you, and waiting for you to cry out to HIM. I pray that you will find yourself someday on your journey crying <i><b>tears of reverence</b></i> as you are able to look back an see how far HIS love has brought you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always my sweet friends, with so much love, compassion, and understanding,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-48590526034897206142018-01-30T14:43:00.000-06:002018-01-30T14:43:00.405-06:00eclipsed....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If ever I begin to wonder whether or not HE's still working in me and through me, behind the scenes where I can't see, writing, walking through my future before I even get there, HE always shows up in the biggest way. What seemed like a normal conversation with my brother yesterday, found me this morning searching for answers, and for HIM showing up, meeting me right where I was in letting me know exactly what my heart has been wrestling with.</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I should know by now that though I think I'm just going to have a light hearted conversation full of laughter with my brother J, HE always shows up, and joins our conversation. Never do we have a talk that doesn't include, prayer, struggles, and sharing WHO HE is with each other. Telling our stories of what HE has done, is saying in that moment, and will do in our future our conversations are of us cheering each other on. It's truly remarkable, as we didn't start off our life like that together. So much in fact that being close couldn't have been further from the truth of our childhood.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">J and I are two years apart in age, and both of us equally have had our share of tragedies. He has walked through some of the darkest hours of anyone I know, and he has been there for me as I have walked through mine. He has found love, and has built a great life for himself, and most importantly he has found JESUS, and has been saved from this broken and fallen world. HE has equipped J to be a part of the 5% in my life. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Five percent in my life are the people who are able to say the things that are hardest for me to hear, but who love me, and know that HE only wants what is best for me, and will follow HIS lead and speak straight to my heart, which usually wrecks me in the most glorious of ways. Though there are times where it takes me a while to receive what is being said to me, and when I finally do, I find myself feeling more loved, more wanted, and more cherished.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yesterday was no exception in hearing what I needed to hear, but not necessarily what I wanted to. I began to share with him about how I keep getting tripped up on the circumstances of my life. I shared my struggles of losing sight of HIM, and when I do, I fall flat on my face, and usually make such a mess of things. I was frustrated at my lack of focus, and that is when he said "HIS light is all around us, in the darkest places, even in the most deeply hidden of spaces, HIS light is SHINING, and HE is our LIGHTHOUSE, never can we ever go so far that we can't look up, look out, look back and SEE HIS LIGHT. We get so wrapped in our lives, that we forget the Author, the Creator of our lives." </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our conversation continued with me telling him how much I struggle telling my story. As if though its just so full of tragedy, and that is when J said, " tragedy yes, but don't forget, TRIUMPH, your story is TRIUMPH over tragedy." He went on to encourage me that it's not about the tragedy that makes my story, it's about how it's been only through HIM that I have survived, that I have TRIUMPHED. We said our goodbyes, I love you's, and hung up, and then I pretty much laughed at the thought of me triumphing over anything as I only feel like a hott mess.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">All night J's words echoed in my mind, and little did I know how HE would use J's words to speak straight to my heart this morning. I only had my phone and my journal with me, as I typed in the google search bar. What does the bible say about triumph? There I would be led to an article written by a sister in CHRIST about how to awaken Trust, Truth and Triumph within.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Why is it that the slightest crisis can so easily eclipse our heart?" There it is right there, man those words resonated with me, this is what my struggle is. So many times I wake up, ready to face the day, to walk the day with HIM, and then BAM! Crisis enters our home in the form of sibling rivalry, disrespect, and sometimes just plain crabbiness. Whatever it is, it distracts me, and before I know it my heart, and my mind become <i style="font-weight: bold;">eclipsed </i>by my circumstances.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not really sure what that statement even meant, I began to seek HIM to SEE what HIS word says about that as I would soon find out that having my heart and mind eclipsed means to lost sight of HIS light shining all around me. This morning HE has led me a journey of what happens to me when I allow my circumstances to overshadow HIS light.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This very thought breaks my heart, as that is the furthest thing I want to happen, as I know that without HIM I wouldn't have survived any of my darkest hours without HIM. That even when I didn't yet know HIM, HE was there working on my behalf. Writing the most beautiful story of Salvation, Redemption, and Rescue in capturing my heart. My story of HIS unfailing love encompassing me in HIS unending grace, renewing, refining, restoring, and rebuilding my TRUST in HIM, and CONFIDENCE in WHO HE IS, so that I will remain CONFIDENT in WHO I am, as I now know, and have experienced WHOSE I am.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This morning HE is taking me into HIS word, showing me the scripture that HE rooted so deeply in my heart, so that in times where I lose sight of HIM, I can remember and know WHO HE IS, and what that means for me, for my life, my story, that HE is bigger than my circumstances, and with HIM and through HIM, even when I find myself <i style="font-weight: bold;">eclipsed </i>all I have to do is cry out to HIM, look and SEE that HE is there with me, and HIS light will SHINE on me, in me, and through me to continue on my journey towards wholeness with HIM.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><b>"<span class="versenum" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">For I know the plans</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-19647A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> I have for you,” declares the </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">, “plans to prosper</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-19647B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that I struggle so much with HIS word, and fully trusting HIS word, because in my humanness I fail, and sometimes refuse to fully render all of my HOPE and TRUST in HIM, and for HIM. HE is wanting me to know that HE knows, and wants me to realize and ask myself this question, do I trust HIS pace, HIS process, HIS timing?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">YIKES!!! Wow, do I wish I could say YESSSS without any doubt, worry, or fear, but then that would mean that I don't need HIM, and well because I so desperately do, I won't lie to myself and say yes, rather I will pray, "LORD JESUS help me to fully render all of my TRUST and HOPE in YOU."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have to be honest that it's been almost seven hours since I wrote that last part. As soon as I typed that, prayed that, HE led me straight into HIS word, HIS heart to SEE what HE was really asking of me. </span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">My sacrifice,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14709A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14709A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">O God, is</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 10px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">a broken spirit;</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 5.46px;"> </span><span class="text Ps-51-17" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">a broken and contrite heart</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-51-17" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">you, God, will not despise." Psalm 51:17</span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span class="text Ps-51-17" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the first time in six years I found myself struggling to what HIS word was saying, so I decided to google it to see what someone else's take was on it. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to learn. HE is wanting me to know that when I sin.... it breaks HIS heart. HE is telling me that HE knows I'm sorry for when I sin, yet instead of rendering my heart completely, I keep strong with the flesh in making excuses as to why I've sinned. HE has revealed to me that even though I "think" I'm really sorry, I haven't had my heart broken from my sins. HIS word today is teaching me that until I am heartbroken over what breaks HIS I won't be able to fully put my TRUST in HIM, as in keeping myself from surrendering fully to HIM, I won't be giving HIM my whole heart.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just knowing that makes me cry inside as I so do want what HE wants, but there's just one teeny tiny problem.... I am soooooo human. Thankfully as I have learned HE is so full of mercy, grace, and love. I feel today as if though I need to be telling myself, "Fasten your seat belt Heather, this is going to be one wild ride."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I so desperately want to TRUST HIM, yet I keep falling into the same trap of losing sight of HIM, as I get too comfortable in my life, living as though my only purpose is to be a mom and wife. I become <i style="font-weight: bold;">eclipsed </i>by my wants and needs, and my families wants and needs. My daily routine of laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping,watching tv, all distract me, and in those distractions come even more things to distract me, and drag me even further away from HIM, and HIS calling for my life. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If I really stop to think about what I waste time thinking about, doing, and talking about, sheesh..... I'm embarassed. All of it leaves me feeling so low, as I NEED HIM, yet I waste every gifted minute I am given with HIM. Okay so not every minute, yet since this New Year I've vowed to seek more of HIM, so there will be so much more of HIM and so much less of me.... oh and did I mention I'm a slooooooow learner? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I often wonder what HE must think of me as HE SEES me become <i style="font-weight: bold;">eclipsed </i>and SEES me fall hard on my face, and watches me try to fix things my way, and become frustrated and cry out, "why LORD, why have you forsaken me?" To which HE reaches down, picks me up up and dries my hott mess face, and lets me know it's not that HE's gone anywhere, I've just allowed myself to become <b><i>eclipsed.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is teaching me this morning, that HE knows how much I struggle, but that HE doesn't want me to focus on the struggle, rather focus on what HE is telling me, and doing what HE wants me to do. HE is wanting me to know that when I seek HIM, HE is more than ready to teach, lead, and guide me in my journey so that I will then be able to experience the GLORY of HIS presence. HE is telling me that HE knows what I need for each step I'm going to take, even when it's something that catches me off guard, HE is NEVER caught off guard.</span></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Ps-86-11" id="en-NIV-15296" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">"Teach me your way,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-15296A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15296A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span>,</span><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-86-11" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">that I may rely on your faithfulness; </span></span><span class="text Ps-86-11" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">give me an undivided<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-15296C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15296C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> heart,</span><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-86-11" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">that I may fear<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-15296D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15296D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> your name." Psalm 86:11</span></span></span></b></i></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Ps-86-11" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><br /></span></span></span></b></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">HE is once again reminding me of a song that I often sing while doing my daily routine as a mom and wife, so that I don't get caught up in anger that I'm doing the same thing over and over each day. HE is wanting me to know that it's not because HE wants to punish me by playing that song in my heart, it's because HE wants me to learn it, and wants me to understand how imperative it is that the song will become the cry of my heart.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Create in me a pure heart,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14702A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14702A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">O God, </span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-51-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10</span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span class="text Ps-51-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div>
<span class="text Ps-51-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Create in me a clean heart O GOD and renew a right spirit within me. Create in me a clean heart O GOD and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from THY presence O LORD, Take not THY HOLY SPIRIT from me. Restore unto me the JOY of THY salvation, and renew a right spirit within me." </span></i></span></div>
<div>
<span class="text Ps-51-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, friends it is my prayer that my story is an encouragement to you that no matter what you may be facing today, that you will know that you are never alone. I pray that whatever you are facing today, that you will seek HIM and rend your heart to HIM, and allow HIM to work in you and through you.... even if it hurts, as in my experience of being HIS daughter is that when it hurts, is where HIS love needs to soothe that hurt, that ache. I pray that if you are feeling like a hott mess, then pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and breathe as you are in great company. I pray that you know that if ever there is a way I can pray for you, or you are in a need a friend, know that you can always email me, or comment and I'd be honored to communicate with you. I pray today that if you find yourself <i style="font-weight: bold;">eclipsed </i>I pray that you will come to know the HIS mercies are new every morning, and HIS grace is sufficient, and when you are ready HIS light will be shining bright for you, all you need to do is look up and SEE.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Always my dear ones, with so much love, compassion, and understanding,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
<div>
<span class="text Ps-51-10" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-29484446688818600292018-01-28T16:48:00.002-06:002018-01-28T16:49:45.374-06:00never without HIM.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Telling my story is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So much in fact no matter how many times I tell it, it doesn't get any easier. What I mean is each time I tell my story, though I am thankful for HIS mercies being new each morning, and HIS unfailing love relentlessly pursuing me, a fear that strikes my heart each time is this, what if... what if the worst thing were to happen to me again, what if once again I will become a victim, continue to be a victim, and what if I will always fear victimization? </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This thought came to me this past week while at a friends house. It was 7pm and I was on my way to get groceries, and realized that I also needed to fill my cars gas tank. I was going to be alone, and suddenly I dreaded not grabbing one of my kids to run this quick errand with me. Dread consumed me, as I knew that I wouldn't make it there and home without putting gas in my car. Simple task, yet it held such tremendous fear. Fear of being alone at night, vulnerable in the dark, what if LORD, what if the next horrible thing lurked in the shadows for me? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Fear was rising up in my throat as I began to pray and ask for strength, protection, and vision to SEE beyond what I could SEE with my own eyes. I prayed that I would have the courage to do this seemingly simple task as I made my way to the gas station. I'm happy to report that nothing even remotely exciting, terrifying, or the like happened at all, as I successfully put a full tanks worth of gas in my car. What did happen though was HE poured strength into me to stand tall, and not fear the night, as HE assured me that HE was with me. When I got out of my car the fear was so overwhelming for me that I even contemplated only putting in five dollars worth. Thankfully with HIS strength also came HIS wisdom that if I was going to face this fear of the dark, the unknown, I needed to face it all the way, and complete the task to the fullest. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This is just one of the examples of fear that rules over my life. Fear that the enemy has kept me trapped in, Fear that has knocked me down and out, and has kept me from getting back up again for quite a while. Fear that has kept me silent, afraid to speak, afraid to move, as if somehow that would start a chain reaction to bad things happening in my life again. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today while sitting in church I felt HIM say to me, <i><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">"I am with you always"</span></b></i> it was as if though HE was reminding me that I didn't need to fear, as no matter where I go in my life, no matter what trials, tests, and storms I may face, no matter the cliffs, the oceans that I encounter, the darkness that threatens to consume me, all of what I face is <i><b>NEVER without HIM.</b></i> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HIS Daily Teachings today has been HIS Blessed Assurance that I am NO longer a slave to the fear of victimization. HE has lovingly reminded me through songs of worship that I am HIS child, and that even if, or when bad things happen, I'm NEVER alone, nothing that I face will ever be without HIM. HE is wanting me to know that even though I am weary from grief, HE is promising that HE will always be there for me, HE knows how tired I am, and how I wish so badly in my own human understanding that I could conquer grief, today HE has let me know why thats not really what I need, rather I need to press in and press through to HIM and allow HIM to work in me and through me, through my grief, to reach the last, the least, and the lost.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HIS loving reminder today to me is this, though I will never conquer grief in this life, I wouldn't want to, as if were to accomplish that, then I wouldn't need HIM, and since I know that this is HIS purpose for my life, to SHINE HIS light as a Survivor on the SHORE for the brokenhearted, I know that I the only way to reach people in the darkness, is by letting HIM teach, lead, and guide me to BE HIS LIGHT, and in knowing that I know that I will NEVER be just a victim, rather I will be SURVIVOR, and when my time on earth here is through, I WILL BE MORE THAN A CONQUEROR, and WOW what a GLORIOUS DAY that will be!!! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">While worshiping today tears welled up in my eyes, but never fell. The more I sang the more tears welled up, and I realized that the reason why I wasn't crying is because my emotions weren't of sadness, rather of TRUE JOY, as I have survived, HIS mercies have been made new each morning for me, and HIS grace, HIS love, HIS joy, HIS peace, have all carried me through my darkest hours, and have led me safely to the distant shores, shores of the shipwrecked, the shattered, the brokenhearted. The souls who live with heartache, who live one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, and though each of us find ourselves pulled back into the ocean by waves of grief, HE is there, always bringing us safely to shore.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My time spent in the ocean has taught me about WHO HE IS, and WHO I am, and has sustained me with HIS promises for HOPE and a future, of which I have clung to in the times where the fear that had a vice grip on my heart almost won. Yet no matter how strong the fear was HIS love, HIS perfect, unfailing, relentless love pursued me, captured me, and rescued me. With each step of total dependence I took with HIM, HE led me even further into the ocean that is without borders. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today HE is wanting me to know that fear of abandonment is very real in my heart, and though I don't really speak of it, HE knows and HE want me to live with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that HE is with me, and there will NEVER be a single moment of my life that I will be without HIM. HE is telling me that I need to let go of fear, and worry for today, tomorrow, as to whether or not HE will provide, as HE's already been through today, and HE has walked through my tomorrows. HE is reminding me that my life has already been written, on purpose, for HIS purpose, all for my good, and all I have to do is surrender, seek HIM, and and TRUST HIM that HE has amazing plans for my life.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This all seems pretty easy, however I am so human, and in my tiny human brain and understanding, I worry, I fret, I fear, I covet, I want, I need, I.... gosh I'm completely self centered when it comes to me, I want new clothes, the food I want, the makeup I want, the stuff I want, me.... me..... me..... I cringe writing that all out. Thankfully HE created me, and knows how self centered and focused I am, and is letting me know that HE has a plan, but it will take sacrifice from me, sacrificing my incessant wants, and allowing HIM to provide for my every need. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I know this, I've lived it from time to time, yet foolishly I forget WHO HE is, and forget that I can't buy happiness, stuff won't fulfill me, won't fill this void that grief has created, and all it really does in knock me off the path that HE is leading me on, and each time I find myself lost, I have to start all over again and learn to focus on HIM, and letting go of me, myself, and I. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My greatest stronghold is stuff, as that is how I have grieved the loss of my son. Not just stuff for me, but stuff for those I love, those who are hurting right along with me. Though I am getting better about praying about the desires of my heart, I am still struggling with trusting HIM completely and in knowing that HE led me straight to hear a message of HIS word to tell me, HE knows, HE'S with me always, and even though I think I am, I feel I am, I am NEVER without HIM.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> <i><b> "<span class="text Matt-6-25" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Therefore I tell you, do not worry<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23308B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23308B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-26" id="en-NIV-23309" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23309C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23309C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> Are you not much more valuable than they?<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23309D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23309D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-27" id="en-NIV-23310" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? </span><span class="text Matt-6-28" id="en-NIV-23311" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-29" id="en-NIV-23312" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23312F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23312F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> was dressed like one of these.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-30" id="en-NIV-23313" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23313G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23313G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-31" id="en-NIV-23314" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-32" id="en-NIV-23315" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23315H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23315H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-33" id="en-NIV-23316" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>But seek first his kingdom<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23316I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23316I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-23316J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23316J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Matt-6-34" id="en-NIV-23317" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today my Dear Brother's and Sister's in CHRIST JESUS, it is my fervent prayer that if you find yourself in need, I pray that you will have the courage to seek HIM, and allow HIM fulfill your needs, that are designed specifically on purpose for you. I pray that you will have the courage to let go of doing things your way, and allow HIM to teach lead and guide you on the path that HE has chosen for you. I pray that if you are struggling in the darkness, I pray that even though you may feel alone, I pray that HE will cover you in HIS presence, and all you will experience is relentless, unfailing love, so that you will be able to SHUT OUT, SHUT UP, and SHUT DOWN, the lies of the enemy who's sole purpose is for you to feel abandoned. I pray that you will come to know JESUS as I know HIM, and know that when you accept HIM in your heart as your LORD and SAVIOR that you will experience more love, more peace, more grace, and even more mercy that will help you work through the trials, tests, and storms of your life. I pray that you will be encompassed by HIS peace, and that you can begin your journey of joyful dependence.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always my dear friends, with so much love compassion, and understanding,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-79782445798599644752018-01-27T12:17:00.002-06:002018-01-27T12:17:51.656-06:00equipped through heartache.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The circumstances in my life have once again brought me to my knees. So much this past week I have cried. Cried from tears of sorrow for not only losing Seth, but losing each of us. Our relationships with one another, with Seth, and the heartbreaking changes that our family has had to accept, and learn to live with in facing the daily challenge of coping with heartache..... living with heartache has been the most challenging thing for me as a mom and wife. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Last Tuesday the guest speaker at MOPS was a pastor's wife, and mom of four. She was talking about the importance of self care, and soul care for mom's. Self care as in eating healthy, exercising, getting plenty of sleep etc. Soul care in doing what makes you happy, and makes you feel alive. She challenged us to think about those things, and all I could do was cry, and die a little more inside as I so desperately wanted to have normal struggles.... which to me means having absolutely NOTHING to do with heartache.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I began to write my desires down on paper, pleading with GOD in my heart, please send someone to share her story, and with that I felt HIM speak deep into my wounded, weary, aching heart. <i><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">"Oh Dear Heart do you not SEE, do you not realize? I AM equipping you to BE that someone. You Dear Heart, when you seek ME, I WILL teach, lead, and guide you to share what soul care for the mom who lives with heartache looks like,"</span></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That should have been enough confirmation for me, however because I am a slooooow learner HE led me straight to church last night, to the same chair I sit in week after week, and right there in my brokenness HE met me. The message was about RISE UP, TAKE COURAGE, words that made me weary just hearing, let alone thinking about. When the message was over an alter call was made to anyone who needed prayer, it was as if though I couldn't get there fast enough. With tears drenching my face, my hands, my clothes, and the floor, I cried the most I have in church since the day I said goodbye to Seth.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't really know who prayed for me, or what they even said, all I knew in that moment was that I finally felt free enough to cry it all out. As the song continued, I look up and saw the stage, the spot where Seth's casket was placed, and I remembered that final moment before they closed it that I was able to kiss my sweet little Sethie goodbye forever until we meet on the bridge into forever. I remember feeling so defeated, and cheated, and just completely overwhelmed that everything that I had done prior to Seth's death still didn't prevent him from dying. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This morning as I sat at my desk writing out my pain, I felt HIM say to me, <span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><i><b>"I know you are weary from sorrow, sadness, pain, and strife. I SEE you struggle as the waves of life knock you down. I SEE you get knocked down, and I want you to know that it is I that reaches down and helps you back up. Do you, Heather, not trust ME that I will pick you back up? Have I not proven to you that I AM trustworthy? Do you still view ME as a taker, the ONE who asks of you, and never replenishes what I ask you to let go of? Do you still view ME as the ONE WHO broke your heart, who abandoned you?"</b></i></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Words from my heavenly FATHER that wrecked me this morning, as my heart has tried so very hard to be accepting of all that has transpired, and TRUST HIM with everything, yet here I am once again falling to pieces, drenched in tears, worry, fear, and overwhelming doubt. It is overwhelming to me that HE knows what I am thinking even when I don't have the courage to admit it. HIS words leave me saying "Yes LORD I feel so confused as to why YOU allowed so much pain to be inflicted upon my family." </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To which I felt HIM say <b><i><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">"I know that it is so hard for you to live with the memories of the day Seth died.... Trust and know Dear Heart I will help you tell your story. MY light will SHINE in you and through you and that light will be shone in the darkness of grief, sorrow, sadness, loss, and will teach, lead others how to live with their own heartache. All of this will be for MY GLORY. I will equip you as you lead others to healing in sharing WHO I AM and what I have done for you, and will do for them. I know Dear Heart that you are weary and just want this to be over, but TRUST me Dear Heart that I have a plan. MY plan is to carry you through this heartache, teach you to soar above your circumstances, to BE MY warrior. I have created you to BE the ONE whom teaches others to walk and to live with heartache in a humbling, and honoring way. I will give and restore my purpose, my mission, my plan for your life to LIVE out with seeking, and proclaiming JOY in the Heartache. TRUST ME Dear Heart that I working on your behalf and SEE that I am doing a new thing in you and through you, as you Heather are MY BELOVED,CHOSEN,LIGHT SHINER and my most PRECIOUS MASTERPIECE. You MY daughter have been designed by ME to lead the last, the least, and the lost, in this broken and fallen world. Never again will you have to feel abandoned, as I am with you, and in choosing to follow ME, you Dear Heart will lead other's to that revelation as well. TRUST in ME and REST always in ME Dear Heart I have you, and I'M with you always."</span></i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today while driving home from taking my daughter to work, I turned on pandora radio station and a song that I had never heard came on. Quickly I decided I didn't want to listen to it, and hit the forward button to skip it. Several times I pressed it, and each time it refused to skip it. When I stopped pressing the button, I realized I must of needed to hear the song, and by the time it finished I was a mess of tears, and was completely humbled in knowing that HE knows whats best for me.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Masterpiece" by Danny Gokey</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px;">Heartbreaks a bittersweet sound</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px; line-height: 25px; padding-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Know it well It's ringing in my ears<br />And I can't understand<br />Why I'm not fixed by now<br />Begged and I pleaded<br />Take this pain but I'm still bleeding</span></div>
<div style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px; line-height: 25px; padding-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Heart trusts you for certain<br />Head says it's not working<br />I'm stuck here still hurting<br />But you tell me</span></div>
<div style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px; line-height: 25px; padding-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You're making a masterpiece<br />You shaping the soul in me<br />You're moving where I can't see<br />And all I am is in your hands<br />You're taking me all apart<br />Like it was your plan from the start<br />To finish your work of art for all to see you're making a masterpiece</span></div>
<div style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px; line-height: 25px; padding-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Guess I'm your canvas<br />Beautiful black and blue<br />Painted in mercy's hue<br />I don't see past this<br />You see me now<br />Who I'll be then<br />There at the end<br />Standing there as</span></div>
<div style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px; line-height: 25px; padding-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Masterpiece<br />You're shaping the soul in me<br />You're moving where I can't see<br />And all I am is in your hands<br />You're taking me all apart<br />Like it was your plan from the start<br />To finish your work of art for all to see<br />You're making a masterpiece<br />You're making a masterpiece</span></div>
<div style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px; line-height: 25px; padding-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Heart trust you for certain<br />Head says it's not working</span></div>
<div style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #616161; font-size: 15px; line-height: 25px; padding-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You're making a masterpiece<br />You're shaping the soul in me<br />You're moving where I can't see<br />And all I am is in your hands<br />You're taking me all apart<br />Like it was your plan from the start<br />To finish your work of art for all to see<br />You're making a masterpiece<br />You're making a masterpiece<br />I will be your masterpiece</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my greatest desire, and loudest cry of my heart for each of you to know HIM as I have come to know HIM. To know and TRUST that when we seek HIM with all of our hearts, HE will meet us right where we are. To know that in our brokenness HE is there, ready to restore, renew, refine, and rebuild us to stand up RISE UP and TAKE COURAGE. I pray that my journey of becoming equipped through heartache will be encouraging for you in whatever your circumstances may be. Friends I don't have all the answers, but I walk with the ONE WHO does. TRUST HIM, cry it out, shout, scream, and let it all go, as HE knows, HE's there, and HE cares and when your ready HE will lead you on your journey of becoming equipped.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always my dear friends, with so much love, compassion, grace, and understanding,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-49496390110227943672018-01-05T07:34:00.001-06:002018-01-05T07:37:56.772-06:00contagious joy.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">But I trust in your unfailing love;</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-13-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">my heart rejoices in your salvation. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">I will sing</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-14081C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14081C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">the</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">’s praise,</span><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-13-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">for he has been good to me" Psalm 13:5-6</span></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="text Ps-13-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><br /></span></span></i></b>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="text Ps-13-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">A while ago I felt HIM say to me: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="text Ps-13-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-13-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><i><b>"Heather you love people really well. You heart is kind and full of compassion, and you comfort others easily. However, you love loving people well, and you struggle to love difficult people. I want you to love people as I love you, and I love them. I want you to SEE them through MY eyes, and seek ME to teach you, to show you how to love them, even when you don't SEE a way."</b></i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-13-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This was a journey that I was on, one of HIS teachings that I was focusing on when I lost Seth. However, after Seth died, loving people, especially difficult people was the furthest thing from my mind, as well in my human thinking, my raw, shattered, broken heart couldn't have cared less about how other people felt, as all I knew was the agony I was in, the pain I had endured, the trauma I suffered in finding my son's lifeless body. To be honest, anything less horrific than that didn't even get a glance from me, as suddenly someone saying it was their worst day ever made me cry, sob, as they had no idea of just how much worse it could be. Especially when it had something to do with materials things of this world. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My loving compassionate, kind, comforting heart was broken, and in my eyes beyond repair. I remember being in a daze when I would dare to venture out of my home, never for more than an hour, and I felt like everywhere I went I was exposed. Like people could see that my heart had been ripped out of my chest, and that is why there is this massive gaping hole in me. I fell apart nearly every place I went to. One moment in particular was a month after Seth's death I needed a new winter coat. I went to the mall with my daughters, and found a coat I liked. They didn't want to wait in line with me anymore, and wanted to go to the next store over, so I told them I would meet them there, as I was next in line anyways. When the cashier rang up my coat, and told me the total, I burst into tears, raw, sorrowful tears. Unable to stop them, as that early in my journey I had yet to understand how to swallow my tears. The sweet cashier asked me if I was okay??? Little did she know that was a loaded question for me, and right there in front of a crowd of people I fell apart, cried out that my son died, I didn't even want to be there, and I need this stupid winter coat, and I still can't believe it, and well you get the picture. She looked at me, and said, "oh my GOD how are you even still alive? I would have died if I lost my child.... I wouldn't have ever gotten out of bed, and why are you even here? Maybe you should go home and send someone else out to do things for you." It was in that moment that my raw, excruciating pain started to lose my heart for people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For months after Seth's death I struggled to maintain any type of conversation. Each one always led back to him dying, what it was like seeing him, finding him lifeless, the sounds, the events of that day unfolding over and over like the worst most horrific gift to unwrap every single day. Seth's death consumed me, the unfairness, the shock, the horror, my heart being ripped from my chest, what my children went through, what my husband went through. The investigation, the detectives, the questions, the gossip about our family that we must be hiding something as why weren't we sharing how he died. The waiting, oh the waiting, 25 weeks worth of waiting... all to hear it was complications of pneumonia, and bronchitis, when he had only been sick a total of 6 hours that day. All to be revealed that he had this rare form of lung disease that was only found during the autopsy. The grief over my baby, my boy having an autopsy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The sheer horror that on what would have been his 2nd birthday I found myself sitting in a funeral home with my husband,my brother, his wife, my pastor, his wife, my women's ministry leader who was also the leader of pastoral care, and my father in law. When the funeral director brought out the piece of paper to release Seth's body from the medical examiner, seeing his date of death for the first time, my son's name with a dash. Going to the cemetery, the rain pouring over us, the utter disbelief that this was really happening, the anger that was rising up out of me, as how could this possibly be. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Over and over my mind replayed what happened, the words of "he was here until he wasn't, it happened in a blink.... a breaths time, in a moment our lives were forever changed." The sorrow, sadness, anger, pain, agony consumed me. Thoughts of JOY were diminished, and hidden where I didn't even know where to begin to look. People would say to me, "well at some point you just have to choose JOY, you have to choose to be happy, you can't let this keep you from what GOD wants for you." Which would only fuel my hatred for people as didn't they see how much I was hurting, how much I longed to be joyful, how I longed to live an oblivious life again. I wanted my Sethie back, I wanted me back, I wanted my family back, to the way we were, I wanted to start over Oct. 13th 2014, and instead of falling asleep, or putting him to bed, we would have kept him with us. If only.... that was the sob the sorrow of my heart.... if only..... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For months I would sit in his room, smelling his clothes, holding his favorite toys, singing his song, cry, face down on his floor. Hating life, hating GOD, hating me, hating people, until a glimmer of HOPE began to flicker in my vision. HIS JOY, my daughter joy was coming, although we didn't know it was joy, but a new life, and honestly it was a double blessing as it was a new home, for a new life, and a precious new little life to join our family. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When we moved into our new home, I thought "this is it, now I can be joyful, I will be okay, I can start over, a new life, and HE will heal me, and I will be okay." As my pregnancy progressed with Joy the pamphlets started to emerge talking about postpartum depression, and counseling. My doctor's were insistent on me seeing someone, therapy, and medication to help me cope, to deal with life in general. The more they spoke, confronted me the angrier I became as I didn't want this, I didn't do anything to deserve this, and hadn't my losing my son, finding him, wasn't that enough for me to endure? I was angry, I hate everyone and everything, and I struggled to even leave my home.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I stopped attending church shortly after Joy was born, as I couldn't bear to see people, answer their questions, or even just see smiling people. I was on medication at this point, and was still working up to what would be my balance point. For me that was my numbing point. I went from being horrendously depressed, angry, and hateful, to numb.... I loved my family, and our life together, but it was hard, so damn hard. I was done, I was done with suffering, grieving, sadness, all of it I was done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yet I had no energy, I couldn't do even the simplest of tasks. Laundry was an overwhelming anxiety filled chore, and my home, well lets just say that for the two years we've lived here not many have entered, and we don't really invite unless you are in our inner circle. I was embarrassed, angry, and bitter that I couldn't take care of my home, my family, myself, and I knew that if I didn't figure out a way to get off the medication I would be stuck. Stuck feeling numb and not caring about what our house looked like, or my life looked like. I knew I needed HIM, and because HE loves me, HE rescued me, and has brought me back into the land of the living with HIS unfailing love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I have been shore living for almost three months now, and in that time I have created a family wall of pictures that include Seth's. I have hung up his other pictures, and his fedora he wore when he was ten months old in one of our two family pictures. I have helped my husband find our home again, and have begun to put my personal touch in each room, so it's no longer our house, but rather our home. I am sleeping a solid six-eight hours a night, and I'm feeling more alive than I have in the past three years. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">None of this was easy, weening off my medication took time, but I knew it was necessary for my healing and recovery. I knew that the only way I would be able to function, to LIVE was to let go, and let HIM, transform, renew, restore, and refine me. I knew that I NEEDED HIM, and I that I could TRUST HIM to do all these things through me, because HE loves me. Slowly my heart for people has returned, my JOY is now bursting out of me much more than sorrow, and my mind is at ease. I can truly sing <i>"It is well with my soul."</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Having gone through the past three years, HE is wanting me to know that because of what I've survived, and how I survived, HE is filling me with HIS JOY to share about it, to tell it to the masses, to SHOUT to SCREAM from the rooftops that HE IS MY REDEEMER, my SAVIOR, and HE has RESCUED me. HE has called me to BE HIS LIGHT SHINER FULL OF <i><b>CONTAGIOUS JOY!!!</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">HE is wanting me to remember that instead of getting wrapped up in the problems that I face in this world, or that other's share with me, HE is wanting me to be wrapped up in HIS peace, HIS overwhelming peace, that is full of understanding, that reveals an amazing plan, as where HIS peace lies, so does HIS love. HIS love has brought me back from the pit of despair, has filled me with HOPE, and now calls me to live out my life with HIS <i><b>CONTAGIOUS JOY!</b></i> I know that it is only through HIM that I am standing on the survivor's shore, SHINING HIS LIGHT, and I know this is HIS gift of VISION, of WISDOM so that I will be able to SEE other's as HE SEES them, especially those whom I find in my human vision.... thinking difficult. HIS great LOVE for me, is what will equip me to love difficult people, as HE loves them, as HE loves me, and the LORD only knows how difficult I can be!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Friends, I pray today that if you too are struggling with dealing with life, with people, your job, you marriage, what ever is causing you great anxiety, stress, anger, or depression, I pray that you will know that HIS arms are open wide for you to come and receive HIS love, HIS peace, HIS grace, HIS mercy. I pray that you will seek HIM, and allow HIM to comfort you in a way that only HE can comfort you. I pray that when you receive HIS comfort, that you will know that is HIM teaching you, showing you how to live out your life with <i><b>CONTAGIOUS JOY! </b></i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<i><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"<span class="text 2Cor-1-3" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28804A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28804A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-1-4" id="en-NIV-28805" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;">who comforts us<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28805B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28805B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4</span></span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">with so much love, compassion, and understanding,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~ Heather </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="text Ps-13-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span>
<span class="text Ps-13-6" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><br /></span></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-41810312336739663162018-01-04T07:38:00.001-06:002018-01-04T07:38:49.105-06:00roots....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I woke up this morning my mind instantly flooded back to last night. Standing in the kitchen as if in a stand off with my son.... a battle to be won by both of us of who was right, or in the right to say and do whatever we wanted. I was standing firm on the notion that I am the MOM and the BOSS and he WILL listen to me. However, he had different thoughts, and his plans were to whittle and wear me down so that I would relent, and he would win. I wish I could write and say that logic took over, faith took over, HE took over...... nope.... the words, the insults, the anger came out, and without wavering he kept challenging me, taunting me..... this little nine year old had me trapped.... and I came out swinging. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Five minutes into the standoff, I realized that there was so winning, well that is except for the enemy who is hell bent on destroying me, my life, and my family. I muttered something about having a headache, and went into the bathroom to "cool down." Frustrated, angry, and beat down I said, "LORD JESUS he's yours, so YOU have to fix this.... whatever it takes, fix me to handle this situation with him better, whatever, I NEED YOU!" It was then I felt HIS HOLY SPIRIT take over and I began to sing out loud.... <i>"create in me a clean heart O'GOD and renew a right spirit within me. Create in me a clean heart O'GOD and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence O'LORD take not thy HOLY SPIRIT from me, restore unto me the JOY of thy salvation, and renew a right spirit within me."</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I left the bathroom and walked back out into the kitchen where he had moved on from arguing with me, and was now arguing with his sister. I continued to PRAISE HIM, and SEEK HIM in that moment, by continuing to sing. Not long after I began singing in the kitchen I noticed that things quieted down. Not long after my return to the battleground, I noticed that his voice lowered, and his heart was beginning to soften once again. It was then I was able to speak words of life into him about how GOD doesn't want for us to fight and argue like we do. I told him that I was sorry for the things I said, but let him know that he has to obey and respect his mama, not that he has to like or even agree with what I say, but he has to know that I was put on this earth to be his Mama. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He apologized, and the angels sang.... and the rest of the evening was as close to glorious as you can imagine. The night was peaceful, peace filled that is until..... yes you guessed it bed time. Every.single.night it is a battle for him to go to bed. However last night something within me spoke deep into my heart, "as much as you NEED me to help you, so does he. MY grace is sufficient enough for the both of you, but you NEED to TRUST me. It's not that I'm going to calm the storm, as there is much to be learned in this storm, rather TRUST me that I will calm MY child, so that you can comfort your son in this storm."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I began to pen my thoughts this morning, I kept going back to seeking HIM to create a clean heart within me. I wrote out many requests, and in my foolish human thinking, I thought I was done. As if to say, "SEE LORD I got it all out, and now YOU can just create a clean heart within me. Failing all along to realize, to know, to remember that NOTHING that HE EVER does within me, for me, through me is without teaching, leading or guiding me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even as I sit here typing this out, I find myself procrastinating, as what HE is wanting me to share is not something that I want other people to know about a major stronghold in my life. Well if I were being completely honest, those closest to me, my inner circle already know that I battle with this stronghold, and have for as long as I can remember. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Unwholesome thoughts, unwholesome talk...... all deeply rooted by Frustration, anger..... emotions. GAH!!!! So of course in all of my human wisdom I ask HIM, "Okay LORD so just take all that away, and I won't have any problems." HA! Wow I'm on a roll today aren't I? I can only imagine how much I must humor HIM in all of my tiny human brain thinking. So friends, sit back as we dive deep into Heather's roots and SEE where my strongholds lie..... </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me deep into my roots to show me the reason why this particular stronghold is winning in my life. HE is wanting me to know and understand what a clean heart, says and does. HE is telling me that until I get a full understanding, my stronghold will have a hold on me, and without even realizing it I will allow it to wreak havoc all over my life.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today HE had me write out things that I NEED to know about what a clean heart says:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Unwrap each day as HIS precious gift to me.</b> This is a struggle for me, as when I first wake up I tend to think about all I NEED to do today, and that overwhelms me, and I start off right away with a bad attitude. HE is reminding me that it is imperative that I guard my thoughts, "really think about what I am thinking about."</span></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Don't forget each day, Dear Heart that MY TRUE JOY comes in the morning.</b> While it is my human response to hang my head in shame, dragging the chains of worthlessness, HE is wanting me to know, that my chains are gone and I've been set free to remember that each day is a clean slate, a fresh start, and HIS loving invitation to <i><b>begin again.</b></i></span></div>
<div>
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Remember that unwholesome thoughts breed unwholesome talk which breathes death. Speak life giving, breathing words to myself, and for everyone around me to hear.</b> In the flesh I struggle with this so very much. As how easy it is to fit in this broken and fallen world by giving into the desires of the flesh to say, think and do whatever we want... whatever we feel entitled to. HE is wanting me to know that this is my greatest stronghold, and is taking me back to where my <i style="font-weight: bold;">roots</i> were planted.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Remember to Bear Good Fruit</b>. Quite honestly until I read that this morning in my devotional that thought never really crossed my mind. HE is wanting me to know that is it important for me to realize that my attitude, behaviors, emotions, feelings all of it are all based upon the <i style="font-weight: bold;">roots</i> that have been planted. HE is wanting me to know that until I go back to the root of each of them, cultivating a clean heart is going to be extremely difficult for me to achieve. HE is wanting me to remember that because of HIS gift of free will for me, means that HE can't make me do anything, rather when I desire to change something within me, for HIS good for HIS glory, HE WILL make good on HIS promises, and will help me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="background-color: white;">Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit." Matthew 7:17</span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Focus on whats going good, don't dwell on what isn't good. </b>HE is wanting me to remember that HE has a plan for me, and when I choose to TRUST HIM I will SEE this HE will work out everything for my good. This is not to say that I won't have to be put through the fire to change me, to cultivate a grateful heart, a gracious heart, refining me is a process, and HE wants me to TRUST the process.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Don't focus on how big my problems are rather TRUST and know that HE is BIGGER, GREATER THAN! </b>Now if I could just remember this, I would be able to maintain my chill so much more when conflict with my son arises. HE is wanting me to know that this doesn't mean HE wants me to focus on the conflict, rather think about WHO HE is, and how HE loves me, patiently, unfailing, relentlessly, unconditionally and then love my son the same way. TRUST HIM through the process that as HE changes my heart, the way I respond, the way I speak, the way I act, my son will SEE HIM in me. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Remember that I don't have to have all the answers, it is okay for me to let go and let HIM, SEEK HIS face and HE will help me! </b>Gosh darn it, if I could just get my tiny little human brain to remember this one, well.... ahhhh this is WHY I have JESUS, this is WHY HE is with me always, this is WHY I am continually SEEKING HIM, as all aboard, the hott mess express is coming through, and my first stop is SEEING HIM. Again, HE is telling me I NEED to trust the process. HIS plans are amazing for my life, and even all the wrong in my life, will be made good through HIS glory, because well HE is just that merciful, that loving, that giving.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Remember Dear Heart that MY love is far Greater for you than any stronghold, as I AM greater than your enemy.</b> HE is wanting me to remember that in the moments where I feel frustrated, and feel my anger rising, HE doesn't want me to react in anger, rather just whisper HIS name, and HE will be there, HE's already there, HE's just waiting for me to acknowledge HIM. This for me makes me cringe, as so often I live as if though I'm all alone, and man if I stopped to think about how HE is right there always..... wow the things I wouldn't say or do.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Remember to PRAISE HIM in ALL circumstances, sing songs of WORSHIP for HIM, about HIM, PRAISE HIM and HE will cultivate a clean heart within me. </b>This thought takes me back to when I first lost Seth. Songs of worship were painful for me, as how could I praise someone who allowed so much pain to be inflicted upon me. How could anything possibly ever be good again. How LORD how will you mend my broken heart, how could you possibly bind up these wounds? How will I ever smile again, breathe again, live again? How LORD, how? For months I couldn't pray, couldn't praise, couldn't hold my head up. I sat in my office with my head on my bible, and sobbed for hours in the early morning hours before my family was awake. After wards I would sit with my children and watch mindless t.v., eat, consume endless amounts of coffee drinks, cry, and stare blankly at nothing... my world was dark, the sun literally didn't shine for months, and rained non-stop for over a month. It was all so unbearable, yet HE kept speaking HIS promises to me, and slowly I began to HOPE again, to BELIEVE again, and it wasn't until six months ago that I began to SEE HIS light once again. Living in darkness for 2.5 years was the most terrifying moments in my life. Even more so when my life was threatened as I was growing up, as this darkness was all consuming, and the only thing that kept me holding on was my unwillingness to allow darkness to overtake me, and take away HIS promise of forever that is waiting for me. I was determined to survive, so that I will be able to spend eternity with HIM, my son, my family, and my brothers and sisters in CHRIST JESUS. HE prepared my heart just two weeks before with a message of PRAISE HIM for other's blessings, even when you are going through something, cultivating a grateful heart, a Praise filled heart, will keep you rooted, anchored. Oh how HE knew I would cling to that message for the next 3+ years. I still cling to it, as HE knows what's best for me.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Remember Dear Heart that everything is this life is temporary.... I AM ETERNAL. </b>This for me is HIM saying that the sorrow, the grief, the suffering that I must endure in this lifetime, is just temporary. Soon and very soon I will be with HIM where HE will wipe away every single tear, and I will be filled with overwhelming JOY, and all I will be able to do, all I will want to do is PRAISE HIM. This is HIS loving message to me this morning, that<i><b><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"> "Hold fast Dear Heart, I'm making a way where you don't see one, TRUST ME, and I will SHINE MY LIGHT to where you need to walk. SEEK ME first in everything, and I will direct your thoughts, and shape and mold your words to be life breathing. Together Dear Heart we will break you FREE of your stronghold, as I have overcome the world, and there is NOTHING for you to worry about."</span></b></i></span></span></div>
<br /><br /><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><i><b>"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33</b></i></span><div>
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div>
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray for your wounded, achy, weary hearts right in this very moment. I pray that you will SEEK HIM, and allow HIS living water to be poured over you and in you and flow through you. I pray that you will SEEK HIM to show you what roots have been planted in your life, so that you too will bear living giving, life breathing fruit. I pray that no matter who you are, or where you been, what you done, or haven't done you will know that HE is there, welcoming you with open arms. I pray that no matter how many times you've had to repent the same strongholds in your life, I pray that you will TRUST HIM enough to lead you back to your <b><i>roots.</i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div>
Always my dear friends, with love and compassion,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
~ Heather<br /><div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i><b><br /></b></i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-3130799158526819402018-01-03T06:08:00.002-06:002018-01-03T06:08:11.883-06:00enough......<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I have a confession to make. Since losing Seth I've looked to other mom's of boys and asked HIM why it was that I wasn't allowed to raise both of my boys together. Why it was that my chances of being a mom of boys in the flesh was over. My anger my jealousy stems from that question. A question that has since then plagued my relationship with my son whom I am still raising. Without knowing it, the agreement that I made in my Mama heart that I wasn't <i style="font-weight: bold;">enough</i>, deserving... good.... grateful..... gracious.... willing..... it all left me feeling unable to be his Mama.... well that is until this morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Can I just say, "PRAISE JESUS" Praise HIM for rescuing me from my thoughts. For teaching me to take each and every single though I have captive. Although I'm not that great of a listener.... and well we've long since established that I am a slooooooooooooooooow learner. Thankfully HE knows that, knew that and HE knew that when the time was right, and I opened my heart to HIS teachings HE would meet me right where I was, and friends, this morning was exactly that!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Pen to paper the words, the pain, the anguish flowed from my heart, poured out in my hearts cry to my ABBA, The feeling of utter defeat consumed my every thought. Feeling of failure as my words of last night spoken to my son replayed over in my mind. For that matter my words for the past two months. Words that are a part of shaping and molding who he is, and who he will become. The crushing reality that I am responsible for the future struggles of confidence that he will now face. It was ALL consuming. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The more I wrote that more I felt HIS embrace ready to hold me, to hold my wounded, aching, repentant heart. I cried deep into HIS chest the utter shame I felt of the way I've spoken, the way I've responded to conflict , the agreements that I made in my heart, the thoughts that I didn't take captive, and the word's that came from my mouth the week of Christmas when my son and I were battling it out. <i>"I look at you and I don't see my son, the sweet boy I raised.... both of my boys are dead."</i> Sheer horror came over his face, and I cried my eyes out, too late to take it back, NEVER enough sorry's to cover the pain that I allowed to flow in anger out of my mouth. Just writing it makes me well up with tears, as he's forgiven me, and I well.... quite honestly have yet to forgive myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Writing all of this out, sharing it with you is some of my darkest moments as a Mama. Moments that I would choose to keep private, however because HE loves me so much, HE is asking me to be transparent, real, raw, and honest about the ugliness that festers deep inside of me. All because of the agreements I made that I wasn't good enough to be a mom of boys here on earth. An agreement that basically said,<i> "you blew it, and failed in so many ways, took it all for granted, and now it's been taken from you. You, Heather are the reason that your children must suffer, and you are blaming them? You don't deserve to be a Mama, you don't deserve anything."</i> Over and over this agreement has played like a broken record in my mind, and slowly began to penetrate my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even now as I sit here typing, HE is holding me, Speaking deep into my heart, over and over, that while in the flesh I am not enough...... with HIM, through HIM, because of HIM, I, Heather Daughter to the KING am more than enough. HE is wanting me to get it through my head, really HEAR HIM when HE says, that there is "NO CONDEMNATION in CHRIST JESUS." Romans 8:1 HE is telling me that I have forgotten that little gem along the way. HE is wanting me to SEE myself as HE SEE's me, and when I am able to do that, then I will SEE my children as HE SEE's them, and most importantly where I "think" I am undeserving, HE is ALL knowing, ALL loving, and has amazing plans for each of us. All of which lead me to the understanding that Seth's amazing plan didn't include me for a lifetime in my scale of lifetime, rather his lifetime was just shy of two years, and when I SEE things through HIS eyes, I will SEE that I was a part of Seth's entire lifetime.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just as I was apart of Seth's, I am also apart of my son Isaac's lifetime. I have been CHOSEN to be his Mama. To love him, care for him, teach him, and cherish him. Writing that out seems all fine and good, but then the human attitudes and feelings come into play, and leave me wiped out, as really I haven't a clue as to how to do anything for my son, and since I don't know how, I "try" in all of my human understanding to figure things out...... completely failing to recognize, to realize that the enemy is hard at work wreaking major havoc in our relationship. Creating agreements that tear us further apart. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This morning HE is removing the blinders that I have put on, by revealing HIS truth to my struggle, my circumstances with my son. HE is wanting me to SEE that it's not that I am NOT enough, rather I am forgetting that HE is. It's not that I am not patient enough..... gracious enough..... loving enough.... it's that I am forgetting that HE is!!!! HE is more than enough, and through HIM and with HIM I will be enough!!! HE will give me everything I NEED to be Mama to each of my children. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So often I think that I have lost my way in how to be Seth's Mama, and when I open my heart to that reality, HE is right there to fill me with HIS truth. I am Seth's Mama, I was CHOSEN on purpose to be his Mama. I may not get to raise him, and be with him right now. However, I can share his life of who he was, what he did, and live out the impact that he made on my life. I can tell people that I am a far greater, more loving person for having known him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then my thoughts lead me back to, greater person, more loving.... HA!!! what a joke!!! Which is the enemy taunting me, and HE is reminding me to take those thoughts captive, as I don't have to agree with EVERYTHING that I think of, as when my thoughts aren't CHRIST centered thoughts, that means they are less than honoring, and are designed, calculated specifically to trip me up, and keep me feeling defeated.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just realizing this, makes my blood boil, as how many times I am having a good day, good meaning I'm doing life with HIM, and all the sudden out of the blue, major conflict arises. While I may remain calm, and in control at first.... all it takes is about a billion times of repeating myself in my stern, yet sweet Mama voice until........ Brunhilda has had enough, and crazy lunatic Mama emerges, and it's on like Donkey Kong, and OFF with their heads, as heads are surely gonna roll because Mama has had enough!!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This all is HIS way of teaching me today that I am indeed human, and that the only way I can truly do this life is with HIM. HE is telling me that I must get this from my head, and buried deep in my heart...... while I can't...... HE CAN, HE WILL, HE DOES..... ALWAYS!!! HE is wanting me to remember that through HIM, with HIM I can DO ALL THINGS!!!! This means even dealing with aggravating situations. HE is telling me that all I NEED to do is to BE STILL and KNOW that HE IS GOD!!! Psalm 46:10</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I must remember that while I don't SEE the way, HE knows the way, and all I have to do is SEEK HIM and HE will teach, lead, and guide me on the path that I am to walk. HIS loving reminder is this that coincidentally I am FOREVER trying to teach my children that they don't have to accept the invitation to EVERY fight that they receive. Whoahhhhh talk about humble pie. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So just for today, for this moment, I am going to soak in, meditate on HIS word as HIS word is the lamp unto my feet, and light unto my path. Psalm 119:105 Today I am leaning in, pressing in, letting go and letting HIM. Seeking HIM moment to moment, as that is all my human brain can handle, as life is still pretty overwhelming. HE is wanting me to know that this is what HIS DAILY TEACHINGS is about for me today. For me to seek HIM, when I feel less than, and allow HIM to transform my mind, my heart with HIS TRUE CONFIDENCE that with HIM, through HIM I will be <i><b>more than enough.</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS it is my prayer that if you too have found yourself unable to "deal" with life, with people, with your circumstances, that you will cry out to HIM, and allow HIM to give you the rest that you are in need of as HE begins to transform, renew, refine, rebuke any and all lies that live in your heart. I pray that you come to know HIM as your loving FATHER in HEAVEN and SEE that HE truly only wants whats best for your life. I pray that you will let go, and let HIM, and in the moments where you are rendered speechless, as your life, and other's depend on it, I pray that you will take that time to just BE STILL and KNOW that HE is GOD!!! I pray that you will know that no matter what you may have said or done in your life, HE is there, HE loves you, and HIS arms are opened wide for you to be held in HIS loving, gracious, merciful, peaceful embrace.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Always dear ones, with so much love, compassion, and understanding,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather</span><br />
<br /></div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8442318948649682914.post-8987914450819588242018-01-02T06:39:00.001-06:002018-01-02T06:39:34.286-06:00begin again.....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Deep from within the HEAVENS to the deepest part of me, I felt HIM calling me this morning, to wake up, and come join HIM and SEE that HE is doing a new thing. To be honest I was feeling pretty awful as my NEW YEAR hasn't gone according to my plan. I was so disappointed in myself for not keeping to the commitment I "tried" to make with myself in journaling EVERY single day this year, and writing the blog as much as I felt led. However, since HE loves me so much more than I even care for myself, HE met me right where I was, and showered me with HIS grace to <i><b>begin again.</b></i></span><div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A new year means new beginnings, means new life, means a fresh start. My mind was all consumed with the fact that January 1st marked the start of a new year, and if I didn't stick with my commitments that I made then I would be failing at my fresh start, and miss out on my year of new beginnings. Well I can tell you that after spending time in HIS word this morning, and SEEKING HIM to show me HIS ways, I know that HE is definitely working on my heart to SEE and understand that with each new day that I wake up here on this earth is HIS loving invitation for me to <b><i>begin again.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even the title of today's blog is something different from what I had planned. I was certain that HE wanted me to write about how HE is close to the brokenhearted.... which HE is, however HE knew there were more pressing matters to be dealt with when it comes to my heart and my mind. HE knew that had HE not intervened in showing me that I NEVER have to wait for a NEW YEAR to come around just so I can <b><i>begin again.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So often I get in my own way of doing things HIS way. I trip over myself in "trying" when really I <i style="font-weight: bold;">NEED </i>to remember that while I'm over here all "trying" HE IS BEING, has BEEN, WILL BE, FOREVER even though I am not. I lose sight of WHO HE IS, and forget that I wasn't created to live this life alone. I wasn't <i>chosen </i>and placed in this role of my life by chance. NO, I was created ON PURPOSE for HIS PURPOSE to fulfill my part in HIS MISSION to BE HIS LIGHT.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Before I lost Seth HE led me through a season of learning WHO HE IS, and because of that I learned WHOSE I am, and because of that I know that was HIS purpose to help me survive the massive fall off the jagged cliff into the deepest, darkest ocean of agony, anguish, and overwhelming pain I had ever known. Since then HE has led me on a journey of experiences of being HIS child, and what that means for me in fulfilling my purpose for HIS mission.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I couldn't have imagined, nor did I dare imagine at first getting to the place where I am today. Which is enjoying being in HIS presence. I write this because for so long I hated HIM, I hated what HE allowed, and I didn't trust HIM. However the more I hated HIM, screamed, swore at HIM the more HE loved me. The more HE reminded me of WHOSE I am, and WHO HE IS, and WHAT HE HAS DONE, and WHAT HE WILL DO. NEVER could I have imagined how HE would transform me through my grief in the loss of my precious son.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was six months ago where I looked out upon the horizon and began to SEE the shoreline. The beautiful SHORE line where the other survivors were living their forever irrevocably changed lives. The shoreline became my goal, and as each day passed I found myself getting closer, but not quite enough to stand up without be ripped back out into the ocean by the tide's of grief, and sorrow.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Three months ago I had come to the end of myself once again, as I laid there in a pool of tears, covered in snot, as a call orchestrated by HIM came through on my cell phone. I was laying face down on my bathroom floor..... feeling as if though I couldn't possibly go on anymore. Not that I was giving up living, but I was done living for HIM. It was too hard..... too painful..... to overwhelming, and even though I loved HIM I couldn't possibly take another step as no matter how hard I tried to get on shore, and remain on shore.... it all seemed too overwhelmingly impossible.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As the tears poured from my eyes and my heart, my soul sister N spoke.... honestly I don't remember what she said that day, but what I do know is this. She answered HIS call that day to be an intercessor of prayer for me. MIGHTY and BOLD in her prayers for strength, grace, mercy, renewal of mind, and soothing balm for my aching heart. She prayed for my family, for new beginnings, and for overwhelming peace.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was after that phone call where I felt something come ALIVE deep within me again. A familiar yet different feeling that I hadn't felt is so long. A feeling of <span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><i><b>"get up, wash your face, and SEE that yesterday is a closing door, your past does NOT define you, this moment does NOT define you, I DEFINE you. I created you on purpose for MY purpose. While you may think that it's too late I'M telling you that with ME, through ME you can begin again."</b></i></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This morning HE is taking me back to that moment, and showing me that it's NEVER too late to begin again. HE is teaching me that the more that I seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me, I <i>must </i>realize that even though I "think" I understand and am doing things HIS way, HE won't hesitate to lead me right back around to <i><b>b</b>egin again.</i></span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This for me is very frustrating especially when it comes to forgiveness of others, as well I am human, and well in my humanness I struggle with self entitlement when it comes to my "feelings" and as I have learned, and will continue to learn my "feelings" always get in the way of the cleansing of my heart, and mind through HIS promise that when I choose to truly forgive someone it won't matter what is said, or how it is said, what will matter is that I have HIS JOY planted firmly, deeply rooted in my heart, and no matter what may come my way, through HIM I will RISE above my circumstances.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">HE is letting me know that this even means when someone is nasty in traffic, or at the grocery store. HE is wanting me to remember that each person that my eye's see HE deeply loves them, desires a relationship with them, and that when I am willing HE will SHINE HIS LIGHT through me, so that they will SEE HIM through me. HE is telling me that in seeking HIM to transform, renew, restore, refine me, I must understand that because HE loves me HE will continue to lead me back around to <b><i>begin again.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today I am grateful in knowing that my way isn't the way I have to live, that there is a better way. Today I am thankful that I can look back on my journey of <i>begin again's </i>and SEE how far I've come, because HE has carried me this far. I am overwhelmed by how much further HE can SEE into my journey, and know what blessings are waiting to be discovered by me. I am in awe of my SAVIOR, my JESUS, my JOY, my LORD, my COMFORTER, my DELIVERER. I am standing on the survivor's shore, SHINING HIS LIGHT, all because HE IS. I am in right standing with HIM, as I humbly walk with HIM, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me every step of the way. I am choosing to TRUST HIM, that HE can, and will lead me where my TRUST is without borders, even if.... my heart is shattered.... even if a cliff appears.... even if I'm dragged back out into the ocean.... I know and BELIEVE that with HIM no matter what I can always <b><i>begin again.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my prayer that if you have come to the end of yourself, and don't know which way to go, I pray that you will humble yourselves and seek HIM to lead you. TRUST HIM that HE is holding you and that HE is indeed close to the brokenhearted. I pray that you will know that in the midst of your sorrow, sadness, and pain that HE is there, and that your pain is KNOWN. I pray that HIS word will become a soothing balm for your aching tattered and bruised heart. I pray that my journey will be that of HIS message of HOPE to you that though to the human eyes we cannot see beyond our circumstances, I pray that you will come to a place of TRUST and know that HE does, and when you are ready HE will lead you on your journey to <b><i>begin again.</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">always my dear friends, with so much love, compassion, prayers, and understanding,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~ Heather </span></div>
</div>
His Daily Teachingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14335637862704950241noreply@blogger.com0