When I became a mama for the 1st time I vowed I would NEVER raise my child the way I was raised. NO matter what I wouldn't let her endure what I had endured. I was determined to do everything exactly the opposite of how I was raised. I didn't just mean the way I loved her, but how I would deal with my emotions, and what I would expect of her. However, reality set in about two and half years of motherhood, and I soon found myself saying some of the very same things to hear, that I vowed I would NEVER say. Frustrated, and angry I was determined to NOT let history repeat itself.
This began many years of my being rebellious. Rebellious against any and all reason. Rebellious in determination to NOT let history repeat itself, not let my children feel as I felt. To never abandon my children and for them to feel unloved. I acted on every emotion that I felt when they were hurt, and I often ran myself ragged in trying to "protect" them.
In the Winter of 2005 someone did hurt them. In my quest to "protect" I didn't keep my eyes set on GOD's will for our lives, and I "took" over. In taking over I had let Satan right through our front door. My two daughters then ages 7 and 5 were traumatized in the worse way by another little girl. When it all came to light of what was happening my heart sank, as I knew I had failed them. I was determined NO ONE would EVER hurt them again..
My first order of business was to attack, anyone and everyone who got in my way. Next I enrolled my oldest daughter in private school. Determined that even though we couldn't afford it, that I would make it work. NO MATTER WHAT!!! A year and half later when we had no money, no savings, couldn't afford the next two months tuition, GOD captured my heart, and began the transformation for me to homeschool my two little girls.
I wish I could say that I was excited about homeschooling, but the truth was I was terrified, actually I was sad as I wanted so badly to be viewed as "normal." I quickly learned that "normal" was NEVER going to be a part of my vocabulary. Though our family and friends thought it was a terrible idea, D and I went with it and began homeschooling.
It took almost a full year for our girls to recover with us praying with them, and for them daily. I took almost a year for me to even begin to like homeschooling. During that first year I vowed that NEVER again would I allow Satan in our lives. In doing so I based every decision on how I felt and not what was true.
This past year I taught 8th grade, 6th grade, and 2nd grade. We started out the year in a wonderful co-op but my older children didn't like it, so we dropped out before the 2nd semester. I found myself once again, doing it all and truthfully my heart wasn't into it. However I wasn't willing to let them EVER be hurt again, and so I made all of my decisions based on my rebellious heart.
Though I knew that with GOD there is no need to worry, that HE has a plan for our lives, and I need to trust HIM. Slowly GOD started placing people in my life to test HIS will for my life, and began asking me "why homeschool?" Honestly, I couldn't answer that question, other than it was based on fear. Fear of my children being hurt again, fear that a teacher wouldn't understand how magnificent they are, fear that they wouldn't be accepted by their peers, fear that I would look like a failure." Fear was driving me to make irrational decisions on a daily basis when it came to my children.
In learning to trust in HIM, and HIS will for my life, and my children's lives, I have learned to let go.... and let GOD. I have learned that with HIM all things are possible, and there is NO need to worry about anything. I learned that prayer must be a part of my every day, so that I will continue on my journey towards wholeness.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
I learned that I must abandon my rebellious heart, and allow my heart to be tamed by HIM. I learned that NO decision is right that is based on pure emotion. I learned that I no longer need to be emotionally lead, that it is NEVER too late to do the "right" thing.
Today I am turning in the new student packet for my 7th grader, and registering my 3rd grader tomorrow. I am registering my Freshman soon as well. I am looking forward to having just my two little boys at home with me, and getting to put all of my focus and attention on them for the last year I will have my oldest son home. I am no longer "feeling" like a failure, but rather I am feeling confident. Confident that I am a good mama, that I have raised my girls up right, who fear the Lord, and who aren't afraid to go out and witness to the broken hearted. Girls who are tenderhearted, and full of compassion for all people. I am confident that by allowing GOD to transform and renew my heart, I have modeled that well for my children, and now they too can go out into this world and will do their part on bringing HIS Kingdom of Heaven here to earth.
For the past sixty-seven days GOD has been preparing my heart for this big decision to trust HIM, and not to base anymore decisions on my "feelings." HE has prepared my heart to not be emotionally lead, but lead by HIS HOLY SPIRIT. HE has grown my faith in HIM, and my trust in HIM by allowing me to go through the storms of my life. Today I say with a grateful and thankful heart that I wouldn't be where I am without HIM. I am thankful that HIS mercies are new every morning, and I am so thankful that I no longer have to hold on to my rebellious heart, but rather can a have loving and tamed heart.
I pray today that if you are struggling with a rebellious heart, that you will turn to the one who knows you and loves you best. I pray that you will allow HIM to transform your rebellious heart, and let HIM tame your heart. I pray today that you will know that with GOD all things are possible, all you have to do is learn to tell yourself NO and say YES to GOD!
Blessings,
Heather
This is an account of my early morning walks of faith with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In searching for accountablity for me, the LORD used it as encouragement for others. I pray blessings for each and every life who reads HIS Daily Teachings
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
"my way"
Growing up I didn't have control over many things in my life, but the one thing I could control was doing things "my way." In choosing to handle my feelings "my way," I pretty much said to whoever was trying to teach me, "thanks but no thanks, I will do things "my way," and good luck trying to get me to change my mind." I guess you could say I was VERY defiant. I have allowed myself to be so emotionally lead throughout my life. I have now without even realizing it have taught the same to my children.... ouch, here comes a nice slice of humble pie!
Not only have I taught them to be emotionally lead, but I have taught them that "my way" is the only way to do things. Things such as laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking etc. In keeping myself in the mindset of "my way," I have alienated the people who I love the most. GOD has revealed to me that "HIS way" is the only way. HE has shown me that it doesn't matter whether or not they fold things the way I would, or wash the dishes in order of the way I would, not everything that they do has to be done "my way." In fact, I should be grateful that its even being done at all. WHEW.... control much?!? Why yes, yes I have, and well wait for it.... here's some more humble pie.
The thoughts that I had while reading and journaling this morning made me cringe in embarrassment. I prayed to GOD to create in me a disciplined heart to not want to be so "helpful" all of the time. I pray that I could "let go" of the incessant need to control everyone and everything. I am so thankful for the gift of the books I have been reading, because they are so intended for me. Joyce Meyer writes, "I spent years trying to control the people in my life as well as my circumstances because I was afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of."
This is so true for my life. For so many years I thought that "my way" was surely the only way and D and my children were just crazy for not seeing things "my way." Joyce goes onto say, " The only thing I achieved was constantly being frustrated and angry." All I could think was, "Yes, this is me, was me, I am choosing a new mindset!"
Today I am realizing that we all have a "my way," when really we need to have "HIS way." Today I am letting go of my incessant need to be "helpful." I know now that all of my years of being "helpful" I came across as a know it all, and my family would sigh the moment I opened my mouth. I know that instead of constant "helping," I need to be HOLY SPIRIT lead with all of my thoughts and actions. I must model CHRIST for everyone who I come in contact with. I must choose "HIS way" for everything so that I will truly live a blessed life.
GOD is teaching me daily about discipline and self-control. HE has blessed me with HIS fruit of the SPIRIT so that I can live my life "HIS way." I must choose to be HOLY SPIRIT lead so that I am living the life that HE has chosen for me. GOD wants me to say when I am experiencing pain and discomfort during a circumstance, "This too shall pass, and it will work out for my good in the end." HE not only wants me to say it, HE wants me to believe it!
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23
" For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
I know that when I am feeling under attack by the circumstances of my life, I must choose not to let them run my life. I must choose to give it all up to HIM. GOD wants me to maintain a faithful and hopeful heart during my times of trials, and HE wants me to keep seeing things through HIS eyes, and love people just as HE love them. HE wants me to continue to do HIS good works in my life and those around me, even when I don't "feel" like it.
"The best medicine is to do something good in response to the evil coming against you."
GOD wants me to know that Satan has NO control over me, therefore I shouldn't allow him to deceive me and keep me from overcoming the circumstances in my life. I know that when I help others it not only gives HIM JOY, but allows GOD to create in me a JOYFUL and PEACEFUL heart.
"The happiest people are those who help others."
I know that everyday I am given the choice of how I am going to live. I know that I must choose daily to seek HIM, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me how to live everyday of my life. I must allow HIM to create in me a heart for people, even when I don't "feel" like it. GOD wants me to have a heart for people and to love them just as HE does. HE wants me to treat people the way I want to be treated. HE wants me to let go of putting the pressure of "my way" on others and allow HIM to do things "HIS way."
"Do to others as you would have them do to you" Luke 6:31
I am choosing discipline today and am choosing to be HOLY SPIRIT lead, so that I am GOD honoring so that I can live a blessed life. In choosing to be disciplined I am getting out of my own way, and allowing HIM to show me "HIS way." I know that "HIS way," must be the only way for my life. I know that with HIM I can make good decisions, therefore I must follow through. I know that all of my thoughts, words, and emotions must be disciplined by me. I must maintain a positive attitude when being taught, and allow HIM to humble me whenever necessary. "It is much easier to maintain a right attitude than to regain it once it is lost."
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
I know that GOD has equipped me with a sound mind, and has given me a heart of discipline so that I will do and see things "HIS way." I know that though it may be painful to discipline myself I know I will be much better off in the long run.
"We can either make ourselves accountable or we will eventually be made accountable by our circumstances."
"GOD will put into our hearts the "right" thing to do in every situation, but if we choose not to do it, then HE will allow our circumstances to become our teacher."
I know that in my past I have allowed my circumstances to become my teacher, and it has been very painful. I also know that GOD wants to be my teacher, and "HIS way," is designed to keep me from being hurt, as "HIS way" is truly the only way for me to live my life. In choosing to live my life "HIS way" HE will allow me to live a truly blessed life!
I pray today that you will get out of your own way, by allowing HIM to renew your mindset of doing things "my way" and allowing HIM to teach you "HIS way." I pray today that you will choose the path to freedom that only comes from HIM, and that you will allow HIM to create in you a disciplined heart. I pray today that your "my way" becomes "HIS way."
Blessings,
Heather
Not only have I taught them to be emotionally lead, but I have taught them that "my way" is the only way to do things. Things such as laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking etc. In keeping myself in the mindset of "my way," I have alienated the people who I love the most. GOD has revealed to me that "HIS way" is the only way. HE has shown me that it doesn't matter whether or not they fold things the way I would, or wash the dishes in order of the way I would, not everything that they do has to be done "my way." In fact, I should be grateful that its even being done at all. WHEW.... control much?!? Why yes, yes I have, and well wait for it.... here's some more humble pie.
The thoughts that I had while reading and journaling this morning made me cringe in embarrassment. I prayed to GOD to create in me a disciplined heart to not want to be so "helpful" all of the time. I pray that I could "let go" of the incessant need to control everyone and everything. I am so thankful for the gift of the books I have been reading, because they are so intended for me. Joyce Meyer writes, "I spent years trying to control the people in my life as well as my circumstances because I was afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of."
This is so true for my life. For so many years I thought that "my way" was surely the only way and D and my children were just crazy for not seeing things "my way." Joyce goes onto say, " The only thing I achieved was constantly being frustrated and angry." All I could think was, "Yes, this is me, was me, I am choosing a new mindset!"
Today I am realizing that we all have a "my way," when really we need to have "HIS way." Today I am letting go of my incessant need to be "helpful." I know now that all of my years of being "helpful" I came across as a know it all, and my family would sigh the moment I opened my mouth. I know that instead of constant "helping," I need to be HOLY SPIRIT lead with all of my thoughts and actions. I must model CHRIST for everyone who I come in contact with. I must choose "HIS way" for everything so that I will truly live a blessed life.
GOD is teaching me daily about discipline and self-control. HE has blessed me with HIS fruit of the SPIRIT so that I can live my life "HIS way." I must choose to be HOLY SPIRIT lead so that I am living the life that HE has chosen for me. GOD wants me to say when I am experiencing pain and discomfort during a circumstance, "This too shall pass, and it will work out for my good in the end." HE not only wants me to say it, HE wants me to believe it!
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23
" For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
I know that when I am feeling under attack by the circumstances of my life, I must choose not to let them run my life. I must choose to give it all up to HIM. GOD wants me to maintain a faithful and hopeful heart during my times of trials, and HE wants me to keep seeing things through HIS eyes, and love people just as HE love them. HE wants me to continue to do HIS good works in my life and those around me, even when I don't "feel" like it.
"The best medicine is to do something good in response to the evil coming against you."
GOD wants me to know that Satan has NO control over me, therefore I shouldn't allow him to deceive me and keep me from overcoming the circumstances in my life. I know that when I help others it not only gives HIM JOY, but allows GOD to create in me a JOYFUL and PEACEFUL heart.
"The happiest people are those who help others."
I know that everyday I am given the choice of how I am going to live. I know that I must choose daily to seek HIM, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me how to live everyday of my life. I must allow HIM to create in me a heart for people, even when I don't "feel" like it. GOD wants me to have a heart for people and to love them just as HE does. HE wants me to treat people the way I want to be treated. HE wants me to let go of putting the pressure of "my way" on others and allow HIM to do things "HIS way."
"Do to others as you would have them do to you" Luke 6:31
I am choosing discipline today and am choosing to be HOLY SPIRIT lead, so that I am GOD honoring so that I can live a blessed life. In choosing to be disciplined I am getting out of my own way, and allowing HIM to show me "HIS way." I know that "HIS way," must be the only way for my life. I know that with HIM I can make good decisions, therefore I must follow through. I know that all of my thoughts, words, and emotions must be disciplined by me. I must maintain a positive attitude when being taught, and allow HIM to humble me whenever necessary. "It is much easier to maintain a right attitude than to regain it once it is lost."
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
I know that GOD has equipped me with a sound mind, and has given me a heart of discipline so that I will do and see things "HIS way." I know that though it may be painful to discipline myself I know I will be much better off in the long run.
"We can either make ourselves accountable or we will eventually be made accountable by our circumstances."
"GOD will put into our hearts the "right" thing to do in every situation, but if we choose not to do it, then HE will allow our circumstances to become our teacher."
I know that in my past I have allowed my circumstances to become my teacher, and it has been very painful. I also know that GOD wants to be my teacher, and "HIS way," is designed to keep me from being hurt, as "HIS way" is truly the only way for me to live my life. In choosing to live my life "HIS way" HE will allow me to live a truly blessed life!
I pray today that you will get out of your own way, by allowing HIM to renew your mindset of doing things "my way" and allowing HIM to teach you "HIS way." I pray today that you will choose the path to freedom that only comes from HIM, and that you will allow HIM to create in you a disciplined heart. I pray today that your "my way" becomes "HIS way."
Blessings,
Heather
Sunday, July 21, 2013
"words"
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will NEVER harm me." In thinking about that statement, I know that it couldn't be more untrue. I know that my words are so powerful, that they have the ability to speak life, or death into me or someone else. So many times I can look back on my life, and wish I could just eat my words up. Take back the harsh criticism that I said to someone I loved, or the harsh words exchanged in the heat of anger. The words of failure I spoke to my children. The words of unrealistic expectations I put on the people in my life. GOD has shown me today just how much my words have either spoken life or death into my life and the lives of those around me.
I must remember that my words are what make my thoughts visible, so when I am thinking negative, I speak negative. In choosing to be negative I am speaking death to myself and those around me. GOD wants me to speak HIS truth no matter what I am going through. HE wants me to speak life into the problems of my life, and not allow them to take over my life. HE wants me to be positive amidst the storms of my life, and hold onto the hope that can only come from HIM.
I know that my words affect my mood, and the people who come in contact with me. Therefore I must choose to speak life, and not just run my mouth, and in return let my mouth run away from GOD. The people who know me best know that I am a "talker." I love talking to people, I love hearing their testimony, and I love hearing how GOD is working in their lives. I am also drawn to the broken hearted, as GOD has created in me a compassionate heart and desire for help the lost find peace, and hope in HIM.
I know that when I choose to allow my thoughts to be positive, I will speak in a positive manner. In speaking positive, I will live positive, and I will become a living testament for anyone who I encounter. Therefore, I must choose to practice discipline and self-control so that I will model CHRIST for those around me, and be a witness to them so that they too can receive Salvation through HIM.
GOD wants me to know that when I allow my thoughts to be negative, then my words become negative, and in speaking negative I am speaking death. In choosing to speak death, I will become miserable, and will not keep very good company. When I speak death my sadness and life's problems only increase.
I know that when I am feeling depressed the only way out of the depression is to choose to think positive. In order to be positive, I must think of my blessings, so that I will be able to control my thoughts, and then I will be able to control my actions. I must control my thoughts, before they control me. I must allow GOD to work in me and to teach me to speak life with all of my words.
GOD wants me to speak life, HIS truth, HIS words, HIS hope, HIS love, HIS promise, HIS grace, HIS tenderness, HIS forgiveness, HIS encouragement, not only to me, but to everyone around me. GOD wants me to be a "contagious" CHRISTIAN!
I must approach every day as an opportunity to speak life to those around me, as my pastor says, "make JESUS famous." I must choose to speak HIS truth, so that HIS words can speak life into "the walking dead."
So often I fall into the trap of "my problems," seeming bigger than they really are, and they consume me, therefore I "feel" that I should talk about them. However, in talking about them 99.9% of the time I am negative, and nothing good comes out of my "running" my mouth, and most of the time I feel even worse then I did before I even said anything. GOD doesn't want me to dwell on my life's problems, but rather dwell on the blessings I receive on a daily basis. HE wants me to speak the truth of my life, HIS truth of my life.
Today I am meditating on these scriptures, to remind me to speak life, and not death:
"A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!" Proverbs 15:23
"One whose heart is corrupt does not prosper; one whose tongue is perverse falls into trouble." Proverbs 17:20
"The mouths of fools are their undoing, and their lips are a snare to their very lives." Proverbs 18:7
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21
"Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity." Proverbs 21:23
I must remember that it is foolish of me not to practice discipline and self-control so that the HOLY SPIRIT can lead me to live my life according to HIS word. I must remember that I am given the power to speak life or death into my life and the lives around.me. I must remember that my purpose, or I should say HIS purpose for my life is to bring HIS kingdom of Heaven here to earth. I am to model CHRIST to everyone, and I am to share HIS truth. I must remember that I am being watched, therefore I must choose to be GOD honoring in all of my thoughts, and actions.
Blessings,
Heather
I must remember that my words are what make my thoughts visible, so when I am thinking negative, I speak negative. In choosing to be negative I am speaking death to myself and those around me. GOD wants me to speak HIS truth no matter what I am going through. HE wants me to speak life into the problems of my life, and not allow them to take over my life. HE wants me to be positive amidst the storms of my life, and hold onto the hope that can only come from HIM.
I know that my words affect my mood, and the people who come in contact with me. Therefore I must choose to speak life, and not just run my mouth, and in return let my mouth run away from GOD. The people who know me best know that I am a "talker." I love talking to people, I love hearing their testimony, and I love hearing how GOD is working in their lives. I am also drawn to the broken hearted, as GOD has created in me a compassionate heart and desire for help the lost find peace, and hope in HIM.
I know that when I choose to allow my thoughts to be positive, I will speak in a positive manner. In speaking positive, I will live positive, and I will become a living testament for anyone who I encounter. Therefore, I must choose to practice discipline and self-control so that I will model CHRIST for those around me, and be a witness to them so that they too can receive Salvation through HIM.
GOD wants me to know that when I allow my thoughts to be negative, then my words become negative, and in speaking negative I am speaking death. In choosing to speak death, I will become miserable, and will not keep very good company. When I speak death my sadness and life's problems only increase.
I know that when I am feeling depressed the only way out of the depression is to choose to think positive. In order to be positive, I must think of my blessings, so that I will be able to control my thoughts, and then I will be able to control my actions. I must control my thoughts, before they control me. I must allow GOD to work in me and to teach me to speak life with all of my words.
GOD wants me to speak life, HIS truth, HIS words, HIS hope, HIS love, HIS promise, HIS grace, HIS tenderness, HIS forgiveness, HIS encouragement, not only to me, but to everyone around me. GOD wants me to be a "contagious" CHRISTIAN!
I must approach every day as an opportunity to speak life to those around me, as my pastor says, "make JESUS famous." I must choose to speak HIS truth, so that HIS words can speak life into "the walking dead."
So often I fall into the trap of "my problems," seeming bigger than they really are, and they consume me, therefore I "feel" that I should talk about them. However, in talking about them 99.9% of the time I am negative, and nothing good comes out of my "running" my mouth, and most of the time I feel even worse then I did before I even said anything. GOD doesn't want me to dwell on my life's problems, but rather dwell on the blessings I receive on a daily basis. HE wants me to speak the truth of my life, HIS truth of my life.
Today I am meditating on these scriptures, to remind me to speak life, and not death:
"A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!" Proverbs 15:23
"One whose heart is corrupt does not prosper; one whose tongue is perverse falls into trouble." Proverbs 17:20
"The mouths of fools are their undoing, and their lips are a snare to their very lives." Proverbs 18:7
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21
"Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity." Proverbs 21:23
"One of the biggest mistakes we make is to think that we have no control over how we fell or what we do"
I know that just as I choose to exercise to guard my health, I must choose to be disciplined and self-controlled to guard my life. I must choose to speak life!
"Millions of people live miserable and unfruitful lives because they are deceived."
For the past sixty-six days GOD has been taking off the wool that has been pulled over my eyes and revealed HIS truth for my life. I am no longer haunted by my mistakes, as I know I have been redeemed. I am no longer being deceived as when I am starting to feel negative I quickly think of just how far I have come, and though I may not be where I need to be, I am surely not where I used to be. I am no longer a victim in just "allowing" things to happen in my life. I am no longer letting the circumstances of my life control my every thought and action. I am choosing to be HOLY SPIRIT lead, and I am being lead to a life of freedom. Free to speak in love, and truth, and having a heart that is full of peace and joy. I am now finding my comfort and solutions to my problems in HIM. I am no longer seeking the answers from the flesh, as I know that nothing can breathe life into me like HIS words.
“As for God, his way is perfect:The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him." 2 Samuel 22:31
"There is a time to talk and a time to be silent."
So often in my "need" to be "helpful" I let my mouth run away from me. When really GOD wants me to be still and listen. HE has placed several people in my life to practice this very thing. People who can out talk me, who are very negative, and who need HIM. HE is using me to get to them. HE has asked me to put on my listening ears, and not speak until I am lead by HIM to speak. I know that when given the opportunity to speak I must choose to speak life into their lives and not death. I must be positive, and not get wrapped up in my own problems or make their problems my own. So often I become derailed in my journey by other people's problems.
I must choose to not get wrapped up in my "quest" to "save" anyone, but rather be HOLY SPIRIT lead, to live a life of faith, a faith that is contagious. I must be a contagious CHRISTIAN!
I pray today that if you are struggling with negative thoughts, you will think of the blessings in your life. I pray that you will allow GOD to transform your mind and your heart so that you will be able to speak life into your life and to those around you. I pray today that you too will choose to model CHRIST and bring HIS Kingdom of Heaven here to Earth. I pray today that you will speak life through HIS words.
Blessings,
Heather
Saturday, July 20, 2013
love life, live life
Sixty-five days ago I was in a really bad place internally. Though I didn't always show it on the outside, I was a complete negative mess on the inside. My marriage to D was NOT on solid ground, and my relationship's with my kids were not loving, and kind. The truth is I had let my life circumstances creep back up on me, and allow me to be brought down, deep into the pit of despair I had lived in for half of my life. GOD wanted me to know then, and now that through HIM I can love my life, and therefore I can live my life. The life that HE has chosen for me. A life free of pain, and full of comfort, a soft place to fall, and an abundance in love. Through HIM I can be free, free to love my life, and live my life.
The first thing GOD had me do was rebuke everything Satan was telling me to do. The truth is I had more room in my thoughts for his evil, then I did for GOD's goodness. I had allowed myself once again to become Satan's puppet, and allowed him to take permanent residence inside of me and spread his poison all around me. Very quickly he began wiping out the faith in half of our family myself included. My wonderful family of seven began to turn on each other. We would fight over the silliest things, and the words, oh the horror of the words that were coming out of our mouths. The thoughts that were being shared, it was all so NOT GOD honoring. I don't even think other than Sunday GOD was really on our radar's anymore. We had gone from being a CHRIST lead home, to slowly shutting the door to HIM.
However, as always, in HIS timing, HE captured my heart once again. Soon HE began to transform my heart, and renew my mind, and when I allowed HIM, it showed to my family. Within days of starting this new chapter of my journey towards wholeness, this blog was born. HIS Daily Teachings was such a BIG part of my life, and GOD wanted me to share it with everyone. HE placed the "right" people at HIS "right" time, and used them to speak HIS words to me. HE used them to build me up and give me the confidence and the courage to open up the messiness that is my life, and begin to confess, and decide DAILY that I would choose to seek HIS will for my life.
In writing this blog I have been humbled. I have laughed, cried, cringed, and even flat out refused at times while writing HIS words for my life. I often find myself "thinking" I know what it is I am to write about, and then HE quickly lets me know, oh Heather, no no no, you are to write about this! Many times I have sat in front of my computer scared. Scared to reveal my deepest hurts, and my mistakes. HE has shown me that through all my brokenness that there is life to be loved, and life to be lived. HE is creating in me a humbled servant's heart, one of whom seeks HIM daily and is lead and guided to love life, so that it is possible to live life.
GOD revealed to me that HE didn't want me to just "endure" my life anymore, rather HE wanted me to live it! In revealing that to me about myself, HE also revealed the same about my children. HE let me know that I am to let go of all my scared feelings for my children, and to TRUST HIM, as they are HIS children and HE knows what is best for them. HE has shown me that I can make decisions based on HIS truth, and NOT my "feelings," I know that HIS will for my life, is the only way I will be able to love my life, so I can live my life.
I know that GOD doesn't want me to do things the easy way, as that is doing things "my" way, and well my track record isn't very good for keeping things in working order. I know that in choosing to do things "my" way I am lazy, unfocused, unmotivated, and depressed. I know that "my" way only produces internal strife, and I create messes all around me everywhere I go. I know that "my" way is the WORST way to live my life, as I won't be able to "love" my life, and therefore I won't really be living it.
GOD has shown me these past sixty-five days that HE wants me to keep my eyes set on HIM and to follow HIM where ever HE leads me. HE wants me to set my ears to only hearing HIM, and do what ever HE tells me to do. HE wants me to keep my heart in HIS hands no matter what happens to me. HE has revealed to me time and again that HE is my ROCK, FORTRESS, and SALVATION! HE is my comfort, my safe place to fall, and the one who loves me best! HE is my Heavenly Father who created me and who leads me, guides me, builds me, teaches me, and loves me.
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2
"For the Lord will not reject his people;he will never forsake his inheritance." Psalm 94:14
"When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Psalm 94:18-19
The first thing GOD had me do was rebuke everything Satan was telling me to do. The truth is I had more room in my thoughts for his evil, then I did for GOD's goodness. I had allowed myself once again to become Satan's puppet, and allowed him to take permanent residence inside of me and spread his poison all around me. Very quickly he began wiping out the faith in half of our family myself included. My wonderful family of seven began to turn on each other. We would fight over the silliest things, and the words, oh the horror of the words that were coming out of our mouths. The thoughts that were being shared, it was all so NOT GOD honoring. I don't even think other than Sunday GOD was really on our radar's anymore. We had gone from being a CHRIST lead home, to slowly shutting the door to HIM.
However, as always, in HIS timing, HE captured my heart once again. Soon HE began to transform my heart, and renew my mind, and when I allowed HIM, it showed to my family. Within days of starting this new chapter of my journey towards wholeness, this blog was born. HIS Daily Teachings was such a BIG part of my life, and GOD wanted me to share it with everyone. HE placed the "right" people at HIS "right" time, and used them to speak HIS words to me. HE used them to build me up and give me the confidence and the courage to open up the messiness that is my life, and begin to confess, and decide DAILY that I would choose to seek HIS will for my life.
In writing this blog I have been humbled. I have laughed, cried, cringed, and even flat out refused at times while writing HIS words for my life. I often find myself "thinking" I know what it is I am to write about, and then HE quickly lets me know, oh Heather, no no no, you are to write about this! Many times I have sat in front of my computer scared. Scared to reveal my deepest hurts, and my mistakes. HE has shown me that through all my brokenness that there is life to be loved, and life to be lived. HE is creating in me a humbled servant's heart, one of whom seeks HIM daily and is lead and guided to love life, so that it is possible to live life.
GOD revealed to me that HE didn't want me to just "endure" my life anymore, rather HE wanted me to live it! In revealing that to me about myself, HE also revealed the same about my children. HE let me know that I am to let go of all my scared feelings for my children, and to TRUST HIM, as they are HIS children and HE knows what is best for them. HE has shown me that I can make decisions based on HIS truth, and NOT my "feelings," I know that HIS will for my life, is the only way I will be able to love my life, so I can live my life.
I know that GOD doesn't want me to do things the easy way, as that is doing things "my" way, and well my track record isn't very good for keeping things in working order. I know that in choosing to do things "my" way I am lazy, unfocused, unmotivated, and depressed. I know that "my" way only produces internal strife, and I create messes all around me everywhere I go. I know that "my" way is the WORST way to live my life, as I won't be able to "love" my life, and therefore I won't really be living it.
GOD has shown me these past sixty-five days that HE wants me to keep my eyes set on HIM and to follow HIM where ever HE leads me. HE wants me to set my ears to only hearing HIM, and do what ever HE tells me to do. HE wants me to keep my heart in HIS hands no matter what happens to me. HE has revealed to me time and again that HE is my ROCK, FORTRESS, and SALVATION! HE is my comfort, my safe place to fall, and the one who loves me best! HE is my Heavenly Father who created me and who leads me, guides me, builds me, teaches me, and loves me.
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2
"For the Lord will not reject his people;he will never forsake his inheritance." Psalm 94:14
"When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Psalm 94:18-19
"The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins;he will make her deserts like Eden,her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing." Isaiah 51:3
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
I can now say that through HIM I am being renewed, and in my being renewed HE has now begun renewing the hearts and minds of my family. We are making choices daily to choose to seek HIM earnestly and to obey HIM no matter what!
I know that GOD wants me to ditch the path I "think" I should take, and stay on the straight and narrow path that HE has chosen for me. I know that HIS path is going to be difficult, but it is through the trials of my life, that HE makes me stronger, and grows my faith in HIM. I know that when my faith is strengthened it is much easier to love my life, and I can truly live my life.
“Make every effort to enter through the narrow door,because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to." Luke 13:24
I know that though it won't be easy, HIS way truly is the best way for me to live my life. I know that when I "feel" as if though I can't, HE can, will, and does carry me through it all.
I pray today that if you are struggling with internal strife, and find yourself losing grip on trying to manage your life, that you will turn your eyes to HIM and agree to follow HIM. I pray today that you will receive the freedom to love your life, so that you can truly live your life.
Blessings,
Heather
I can now say that through HIM I am being renewed, and in my being renewed HE has now begun renewing the hearts and minds of my family. We are making choices daily to choose to seek HIM earnestly and to obey HIM no matter what!
I know that GOD wants me to ditch the path I "think" I should take, and stay on the straight and narrow path that HE has chosen for me. I know that HIS path is going to be difficult, but it is through the trials of my life, that HE makes me stronger, and grows my faith in HIM. I know that when my faith is strengthened it is much easier to love my life, and I can truly live my life.
“Make every effort to enter through the narrow door,because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to." Luke 13:24
I know that though it won't be easy, HIS way truly is the best way for me to live my life. I know that when I "feel" as if though I can't, HE can, will, and does carry me through it all.
I pray today that if you are struggling with internal strife, and find yourself losing grip on trying to manage your life, that you will turn your eyes to HIM and agree to follow HIM. I pray today that you will receive the freedom to love your life, so that you can truly live your life.
Blessings,
Heather
Friday, July 19, 2013
love them like JESUS
For as long as I can remember I have been like a moth to a flame when it comes to someone hurting. I have always had this deep level of compassion for the brokenhearted. Even long before I accepted JESUS as my SAVIOR whenever I saw someone in pain I felt drawn to them, and would listen to them as they told me what was wrong. Many times in witnessing their tears I would cry my own tears.. I now know that GOD gave me the gifts of perception, wisdom, and mercy to reach the brokenhearted. I know that I am called to love them like JESUS.
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I can remember times in my life where people have hurt me, and I have been able to forgive them. I know that GOD has given me the ability to forgive people and see them not for their actions, but rather whose they are. We are all children of GOD, and we are all hurting. We are all in need of love and compassion. I know that JESUS calls me to love everyone just as HE loves them. This for me is a struggle though, especially when I am repeatedly being hurt. I struggle when I am doing everything I can to change, and ask for HIM to create in me a compassionate heart and to show me how to love them like JESUS, and they aren't doing anything on their part. I grow weary when I am always the 1st to say I am sorry, and the one who always forgives. I know that I won't have peace in my heart until I do forgive, therefore I obey HIS commands and forgive those who offend me, and pursue peace with all my heart.
I know that in choosing to pursue peace I must allow myself to be HOLY SPIRIT lead so that I will be filled by HIS peace, and I will have peaceful, calm emotions. I know that I must choose peace, as JESUS calls me to peace.
"HE has left us HIS peace, but a life of emotional turmoil not only makes us miserable, it can also make us sick."
I know that when I have been treated or judged unfairly by someone I tend to get overly emotional, and begin the "pity party" for myself. I know that if I allow myself I can go to a very dark place, a place where "woe is me, " and "why me," live. I know that I must choose to seek HIS peace daily in my life, especially when I have been hurt by the flesh. I know that HE calls me to love my enemies, and to forgive them for what they have done. I know that I am to model CHRIST to everyone in my thoughts, and actions. I know that I must discipline myself to love them like JESUS.
So often in my life someone will say or do something negative to me, and I will internalize it, and before I know it I will make agreements to their comments. I know that I must choose to NOT let my emotions of their words and actions to dictate my thoughts and actions.
Sugar Ray Robinson said this: " I've always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can think negative."
I know that not allowing negative thoughts to enter my mind is a choice. One of which I must choose daily to manage, otherwise my thoughts will manage me, and soon my actions will follow. I know that I must be GOD honoring in my thoughts, so my actions will align to HIS will for my life. I know that when everything around me is spinning out of control, I must choose to remain in control.
"On the contrary:“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:20-21
I know that I must choose to trust GOD that HE will take what Satan has intended for bad, that HE will use it for HIS glory.
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20
I now understand and know that Satan put a mark out on my life the moment I was conceived. As he knew that GOD was going to use me, and use me BIG. Satan knew that GOD's power in me was a force to be reckoned with. HE knew that I would allow GOD to lead me, and teach me how to have a heart for people and no matter what they did to me, I would love them just like JESUS. This is living proof in my life, as I mourned the death of my step-grandfather and prayed to GOD that he wasn't in hell. I wouldn't wish an eternity in hell on anyone. I have already "endured" a living hell throughout the 1st half of my life, and I would never want anyone to suffer like that forever. This is how I know that GOD is working in my life, because I know in my humanness, flesh, I would hope that they would burn in hell.
I know that this way of thinking isn't always popular among people, however I know that I am called to love all people just like JESUS. GOD has asked me to be in this world, and not of it. I choose to obey HIM, as the alternative for me is NOT an option. I know the breakthroughs I have been through in my life, and all that I have overcome through my faith in HIM. I know that my strength comes from HIM, and when I allow HIM, HE can, will, and does renew my heart and mind to align to HIS will for my life. I know that no matter what may be done to me, I will forgive, love, and move on just as HE calls me to. I do this with confidence as I know HE is in control, and any judgement that is due will be done through HIM. I choose to trust HIM with every moment of my life, to guide me, teach me, and lead me. I choose that when harm is brought to me, HIS truth will be revealed, and justice will be done, and I will be at peace as I didn't seek vengeance against those who harm me.
"A thousand may fall at your side,ten thousand at your right hand,but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked." Psalm 91:7-8
I know that everyday I must choose to be "not of this world."
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
I pray today if you are struggling to forgive someone, that you will allow HIM to adjust your vision so that you may see the one who hurt you through HIS eyes. I pray that you will allow HIM to transform your heart so that you are able to love them like JESUS. I pray that today you will choose to pursue peace in your heart, and let go of all your emotions of bitterness, and need for vengeance. I pray today that you will let HIM fill your heart with HIS peace. A peace that surpasses anything of this world, and that you will know that it can only come from HIM.
Blessings,
Heather
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I can remember times in my life where people have hurt me, and I have been able to forgive them. I know that GOD has given me the ability to forgive people and see them not for their actions, but rather whose they are. We are all children of GOD, and we are all hurting. We are all in need of love and compassion. I know that JESUS calls me to love everyone just as HE loves them. This for me is a struggle though, especially when I am repeatedly being hurt. I struggle when I am doing everything I can to change, and ask for HIM to create in me a compassionate heart and to show me how to love them like JESUS, and they aren't doing anything on their part. I grow weary when I am always the 1st to say I am sorry, and the one who always forgives. I know that I won't have peace in my heart until I do forgive, therefore I obey HIS commands and forgive those who offend me, and pursue peace with all my heart.
I know that in choosing to pursue peace I must allow myself to be HOLY SPIRIT lead so that I will be filled by HIS peace, and I will have peaceful, calm emotions. I know that I must choose peace, as JESUS calls me to peace.
"HE has left us HIS peace, but a life of emotional turmoil not only makes us miserable, it can also make us sick."
I know that when I have been treated or judged unfairly by someone I tend to get overly emotional, and begin the "pity party" for myself. I know that if I allow myself I can go to a very dark place, a place where "woe is me, " and "why me," live. I know that I must choose to seek HIS peace daily in my life, especially when I have been hurt by the flesh. I know that HE calls me to love my enemies, and to forgive them for what they have done. I know that I am to model CHRIST to everyone in my thoughts, and actions. I know that I must discipline myself to love them like JESUS.
So often in my life someone will say or do something negative to me, and I will internalize it, and before I know it I will make agreements to their comments. I know that I must choose to NOT let my emotions of their words and actions to dictate my thoughts and actions.
Sugar Ray Robinson said this: " I've always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can think negative."
I know that not allowing negative thoughts to enter my mind is a choice. One of which I must choose daily to manage, otherwise my thoughts will manage me, and soon my actions will follow. I know that I must be GOD honoring in my thoughts, so my actions will align to HIS will for my life. I know that when everything around me is spinning out of control, I must choose to remain in control.
"On the contrary:“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:20-21
I know that I must choose to trust GOD that HE will take what Satan has intended for bad, that HE will use it for HIS glory.
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20
I now understand and know that Satan put a mark out on my life the moment I was conceived. As he knew that GOD was going to use me, and use me BIG. Satan knew that GOD's power in me was a force to be reckoned with. HE knew that I would allow GOD to lead me, and teach me how to have a heart for people and no matter what they did to me, I would love them just like JESUS. This is living proof in my life, as I mourned the death of my step-grandfather and prayed to GOD that he wasn't in hell. I wouldn't wish an eternity in hell on anyone. I have already "endured" a living hell throughout the 1st half of my life, and I would never want anyone to suffer like that forever. This is how I know that GOD is working in my life, because I know in my humanness, flesh, I would hope that they would burn in hell.
I know that this way of thinking isn't always popular among people, however I know that I am called to love all people just like JESUS. GOD has asked me to be in this world, and not of it. I choose to obey HIM, as the alternative for me is NOT an option. I know the breakthroughs I have been through in my life, and all that I have overcome through my faith in HIM. I know that my strength comes from HIM, and when I allow HIM, HE can, will, and does renew my heart and mind to align to HIS will for my life. I know that no matter what may be done to me, I will forgive, love, and move on just as HE calls me to. I do this with confidence as I know HE is in control, and any judgement that is due will be done through HIM. I choose to trust HIM with every moment of my life, to guide me, teach me, and lead me. I choose that when harm is brought to me, HIS truth will be revealed, and justice will be done, and I will be at peace as I didn't seek vengeance against those who harm me.
"A thousand may fall at your side,ten thousand at your right hand,but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked." Psalm 91:7-8
I know that everyday I must choose to be "not of this world."
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
I pray today if you are struggling to forgive someone, that you will allow HIM to adjust your vision so that you may see the one who hurt you through HIS eyes. I pray that you will allow HIM to transform your heart so that you are able to love them like JESUS. I pray that today you will choose to pursue peace in your heart, and let go of all your emotions of bitterness, and need for vengeance. I pray today that you will let HIM fill your heart with HIS peace. A peace that surpasses anything of this world, and that you will know that it can only come from HIM.
Blessings,
Heather
Thursday, July 18, 2013
HIS timing....
In my ten years of walking with HIM, I have realized that I can be a very impatient person. In my own way of "helping" HIM I say, "o.k. GOD I completed x, y, and z, so now you do your thing!" I am pretty sure HE laughs at my being "helpful." When the truth is, HE will do things in HIS timing and not mine. HE will decide what will happen next in my life, as HE is the only one who knows the plans for my life.
Right now I am praying some HUGE prayers around my family. There are a lot of decisions that need to be made in the next few weeks, and most of them are making me very weary. So instead of casting my cares on HIM, I in my small mindedness hold onto them and worry. However, GOD revealed to me today that I need not to worry about anything..... ever.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
Some of my worries right now are manifested from the fear of change. Change is inevitable in life. Everything is this world changes, but the one thing that never changes is GOD. I am not a person who adapts well to change, and as soon as I "think" I am adapting the tides change once again, and my world is rocked. In the past whenever my world has been "rocked," I have fallen apart. From friendships, to family relationships, to moving our home, to finding a new church, to losing a baby, you name it, I have never been someone who adapts well to change. This coming season BIG changes are coming, I know it, and I in all honesty I am trying my best to avoid it. I will admit that BIG changes scare me and make me nervous. I know that when I don't "feel" in control I let my circumstances dictate how I "feel" and therefore become overly emotional when in reality GOD only wants me to take it one step at a time. HE wants me to TRUST HIM, and know that HIS plans for my life are what is best for me.
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is the scripture HIS words that I have clung to in the past 10 years. It has been my one constant that has seen me through some of my darkest days since becoming a CHRIST follower. It has been through this scripture that HE has taught me, and shown me that I must trust HIM as HE loves me and cares for me. HE wants me to know that HE is my only source for true comfort. HE made me, and knows every part of me, and isn't surprised by anything I say or do. HE has always been there for me, and teaches me time and again that HIS timing is perfect and flawless. No matter what I, Heather in my small mindedness may think. I know that HIS timing is always what is best for me. The only problem I have with HIS timing is being patient.
I know that throughout my life GOD has allowed me to go through storms to test my patience. Right now I am in a situation that is really testing my patience, and while I am wanting to RUN, and RUN FAST, GOD is asking me to stay and speak HIS truth. HE is using me, my life, as a living testament for someone else in order to reach them. I have learned that this is what HE does, HE uses me to reach others. In my mistakes which HE has corrected, and redeemed me from, and HIS timing, HE uses it all for HIS good. I must choose to always give the glory to HIM.
I know that when I let myself become impatient, I get angry, upset, frustrated, anxious, and worried. Therefore, I must choose to practice patience to avoid "feeling" negative, and "being" negative.
"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4
I know that when I am disappointed I often lash out at GOD and ask HIM why I didn't get what I wanted. I know that I must learn to deal with disappointments, and let HIM reappoint my heart, and align it with HIS word.
"Absolutely nobody gets everything they want all the time, so we need to learn how to deal properly with disappointments ."
I know that when I trust in HIS plans for my life, I know HE will take care of me. All I have to do is ask.
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
"A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?" Proverbs 20:24
"Trusting GOD is absolutely wonderful because it soothes our wild thoughts and emotions when things don't go the way we had planned."
I must ask myself, "do I let my surroundings dictate what I will do?" or "am I choosing to be HOLY SPIRIT lead in HIS timing?" I know each time I choose to be patient, HE is creating in me a patient heart which is crucial so I can trust HIM for HIS timing and provision for my life.
Besides change being something that makes me impatient, dealing with rude people has the same affect on me. I can easily get upset when someone is rude to me. I am generally a very nice person, until someone is rude to me. So often I find myself being rude right back to them, and sometimes, even worse than they were being. This makes me want to "hide," as I am ashamed to admit that I am NOT being very CHRIST like, and certainly NOT being GOD honoring. GOD is wanting me to think like HIM, and realize the circumstances of why some is being rude to me. It's not because they don't like me, or that I did anything wrong, rather it is, that like me, they have stressed filled lives.
"People are trying to do too much in too little time and have more responsibility than they can realistically handle."
Therefore, I must choose not to let someone else emotions and reactions manage my emotions and my reactions. GOD is letting me know that instead of reacting, I should be praying. I should be casting all my cares onto HIM, and trust in HIS timing HE will reveal to me everything I need to know.
Today's decision and confession is: I can patiently wait for the things I want in life, trusting GOD to bring them in HIS timing.
I pray today that if you are struggling to adapt to change in your life, that you will turn to HIM and allow HIM to reveal to you HIS plans for your life. I pray that you begin to trust HIS timing for your life, and know that HE is the only one who knows what is best for you. I pray that today you will be blessing for someone who is rude to you. I pray today that they will witness JESUS through you, and that you will leave a lasting impression on them while you are practicing patience.
Blessings,
Heather
Right now I am praying some HUGE prayers around my family. There are a lot of decisions that need to be made in the next few weeks, and most of them are making me very weary. So instead of casting my cares on HIM, I in my small mindedness hold onto them and worry. However, GOD revealed to me today that I need not to worry about anything..... ever.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
Some of my worries right now are manifested from the fear of change. Change is inevitable in life. Everything is this world changes, but the one thing that never changes is GOD. I am not a person who adapts well to change, and as soon as I "think" I am adapting the tides change once again, and my world is rocked. In the past whenever my world has been "rocked," I have fallen apart. From friendships, to family relationships, to moving our home, to finding a new church, to losing a baby, you name it, I have never been someone who adapts well to change. This coming season BIG changes are coming, I know it, and I in all honesty I am trying my best to avoid it. I will admit that BIG changes scare me and make me nervous. I know that when I don't "feel" in control I let my circumstances dictate how I "feel" and therefore become overly emotional when in reality GOD only wants me to take it one step at a time. HE wants me to TRUST HIM, and know that HIS plans for my life are what is best for me.
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is the scripture HIS words that I have clung to in the past 10 years. It has been my one constant that has seen me through some of my darkest days since becoming a CHRIST follower. It has been through this scripture that HE has taught me, and shown me that I must trust HIM as HE loves me and cares for me. HE wants me to know that HE is my only source for true comfort. HE made me, and knows every part of me, and isn't surprised by anything I say or do. HE has always been there for me, and teaches me time and again that HIS timing is perfect and flawless. No matter what I, Heather in my small mindedness may think. I know that HIS timing is always what is best for me. The only problem I have with HIS timing is being patient.
I know that throughout my life GOD has allowed me to go through storms to test my patience. Right now I am in a situation that is really testing my patience, and while I am wanting to RUN, and RUN FAST, GOD is asking me to stay and speak HIS truth. HE is using me, my life, as a living testament for someone else in order to reach them. I have learned that this is what HE does, HE uses me to reach others. In my mistakes which HE has corrected, and redeemed me from, and HIS timing, HE uses it all for HIS good. I must choose to always give the glory to HIM.
I know that when I let myself become impatient, I get angry, upset, frustrated, anxious, and worried. Therefore, I must choose to practice patience to avoid "feeling" negative, and "being" negative.
"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4
I know that when I am disappointed I often lash out at GOD and ask HIM why I didn't get what I wanted. I know that I must learn to deal with disappointments, and let HIM reappoint my heart, and align it with HIS word.
"Absolutely nobody gets everything they want all the time, so we need to learn how to deal properly with disappointments ."
I know that when I trust in HIS plans for my life, I know HE will take care of me. All I have to do is ask.
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
"A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?" Proverbs 20:24
"Trusting GOD is absolutely wonderful because it soothes our wild thoughts and emotions when things don't go the way we had planned."
I must ask myself, "do I let my surroundings dictate what I will do?" or "am I choosing to be HOLY SPIRIT lead in HIS timing?" I know each time I choose to be patient, HE is creating in me a patient heart which is crucial so I can trust HIM for HIS timing and provision for my life.
Besides change being something that makes me impatient, dealing with rude people has the same affect on me. I can easily get upset when someone is rude to me. I am generally a very nice person, until someone is rude to me. So often I find myself being rude right back to them, and sometimes, even worse than they were being. This makes me want to "hide," as I am ashamed to admit that I am NOT being very CHRIST like, and certainly NOT being GOD honoring. GOD is wanting me to think like HIM, and realize the circumstances of why some is being rude to me. It's not because they don't like me, or that I did anything wrong, rather it is, that like me, they have stressed filled lives.
"People are trying to do too much in too little time and have more responsibility than they can realistically handle."
Therefore, I must choose not to let someone else emotions and reactions manage my emotions and my reactions. GOD is letting me know that instead of reacting, I should be praying. I should be casting all my cares onto HIM, and trust in HIS timing HE will reveal to me everything I need to know.
Today's decision and confession is: I can patiently wait for the things I want in life, trusting GOD to bring them in HIS timing.
I pray today that if you are struggling to adapt to change in your life, that you will turn to HIM and allow HIM to reveal to you HIS plans for your life. I pray that you begin to trust HIS timing for your life, and know that HE is the only one who knows what is best for you. I pray that today you will be blessing for someone who is rude to you. I pray today that they will witness JESUS through you, and that you will leave a lasting impression on them while you are practicing patience.
Blessings,
Heather
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
"its just the way I am"
Everyday I am surrounded by many different types of people. Just in my own family alone we have people who are spontaneous, outgoing, energetic, soft spoken, tenderhearted, sensitive, funny, caring, angry, sad, depressed etc. Our families emotions and feelings seem to be all over the place. I know that most of our family are emotional beings, who base their decisions on how they "feel."
Growing up I made all of my decisions based on how I felt. Whether I was happy, sad, angry, excited, you name it, I made sure everyone knew. At the age I am now I am learning to NOT let my "feelings" control my actions. I am learning that it's not acceptable to say, "its just the way I am." HIS daily teaching today is this: I must work with GOD so that I can be who I am, without building a wall of excuses and allowing myself to say "sorry it's just the way I am."
GOD made me who I am for HIS purpose. HE didn't make me so that I can use it as excuse to treat people badly. I must lose the mindset of thinking "sorry this is who I am, and I am NOT changing for anyone!" "GOD's love demands that we all be willing to grow and change." I know that by allowing GOD to grow and change my heart only strengthens my faith in HIM more. HE has proven to me time and again that HE is the only one who knows what is best for me, therefore I must choose to trust HIM even when HE is asking me to do something, and I don't "feel" like it.
"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10
My husband and I are completely different in the way that we make decisions. I am a very spontaneous, instinct driven, decision maker. D however is the complete opposite of me. He likes to think about things much longer ( more than ten minutes) which drives me absolutely insane at times. He is much more logical and rational than I am. He analyzes everything. So when I am excited about something, he tends to water down my excited me with his analytical thinking, and I tend to lose it and force my impatience upon him. It never fails to happen that way, and I quickly become frustrated and upset and lose all excitement, and he becomes frustrated and upset with me because of my impatience, and doesn't even want to think about it anymore.
GOD wants me to know that in order to be happily married I must be willing to change to better meet D need's and the same goes for him. Instead of saying or thinking, "um hello have we met? We've only been married for 15 years so you should know by now how I am." I should be saying, "Lord change me to better suite D's needs without compromising what makes me.... well me." I am learning that in all of my relationships with people I must lose the mindset of "it's just the way I am," and say, "this is whose I am." I know that because I am the daughter of the King that HE expects me to align all of my thoughts and actions to be honoring to HIM.
GOD wants me to know that HE doesn't expect me to compromise who I am, but HE does expect me to adapt to my surroundings, and seek HIS joy so I will have peace. I must choose to adjust to the change in my life, and not expect everyone and everything to change for me. I know that having a good attitude is one way to make change a much easier process. I know that I am modeling my tolerance for change to my children, therefore I want to be sure that I am GOD honoring in my walk with HIM. I want my children to see that NO matter what happens in my life HE is with me, and will never leave or forsake me. I know that in choosing to follow HIS will for my life and allowing HIM to change me I will be blessed abundantly.
I must remember that everyone's needs are valid, even if a person's needs are hard for me to understand, or may be difficult for me to fulfill. I know that with GOD all things are possible!
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
"Good relationships require a lot of hard work, education, willingness, to meet each others needs."
I pray today that if you struggle with change that you will look to HIM for HIS guidance. I pray today that you will allow HIM to renew your heart and mind to be aligned with HIS will for your life. I pray that you will be a blessing to others today and will set aside your need to say, "sorry it's just the way I am." I pray that today you will declare," I will do this because of WHOSE I am."
Blessings,
Heather
Growing up I made all of my decisions based on how I felt. Whether I was happy, sad, angry, excited, you name it, I made sure everyone knew. At the age I am now I am learning to NOT let my "feelings" control my actions. I am learning that it's not acceptable to say, "its just the way I am." HIS daily teaching today is this: I must work with GOD so that I can be who I am, without building a wall of excuses and allowing myself to say "sorry it's just the way I am."
GOD made me who I am for HIS purpose. HE didn't make me so that I can use it as excuse to treat people badly. I must lose the mindset of thinking "sorry this is who I am, and I am NOT changing for anyone!" "GOD's love demands that we all be willing to grow and change." I know that by allowing GOD to grow and change my heart only strengthens my faith in HIM more. HE has proven to me time and again that HE is the only one who knows what is best for me, therefore I must choose to trust HIM even when HE is asking me to do something, and I don't "feel" like it.
"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10
My husband and I are completely different in the way that we make decisions. I am a very spontaneous, instinct driven, decision maker. D however is the complete opposite of me. He likes to think about things much longer ( more than ten minutes) which drives me absolutely insane at times. He is much more logical and rational than I am. He analyzes everything. So when I am excited about something, he tends to water down my excited me with his analytical thinking, and I tend to lose it and force my impatience upon him. It never fails to happen that way, and I quickly become frustrated and upset and lose all excitement, and he becomes frustrated and upset with me because of my impatience, and doesn't even want to think about it anymore.
GOD wants me to know that in order to be happily married I must be willing to change to better meet D need's and the same goes for him. Instead of saying or thinking, "um hello have we met? We've only been married for 15 years so you should know by now how I am." I should be saying, "Lord change me to better suite D's needs without compromising what makes me.... well me." I am learning that in all of my relationships with people I must lose the mindset of "it's just the way I am," and say, "this is whose I am." I know that because I am the daughter of the King that HE expects me to align all of my thoughts and actions to be honoring to HIM.
GOD wants me to know that HE doesn't expect me to compromise who I am, but HE does expect me to adapt to my surroundings, and seek HIS joy so I will have peace. I must choose to adjust to the change in my life, and not expect everyone and everything to change for me. I know that having a good attitude is one way to make change a much easier process. I know that I am modeling my tolerance for change to my children, therefore I want to be sure that I am GOD honoring in my walk with HIM. I want my children to see that NO matter what happens in my life HE is with me, and will never leave or forsake me. I know that in choosing to follow HIS will for my life and allowing HIM to change me I will be blessed abundantly.
I must remember that everyone's needs are valid, even if a person's needs are hard for me to understand, or may be difficult for me to fulfill. I know that with GOD all things are possible!
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
"Good relationships require a lot of hard work, education, willingness, to meet each others needs."
I pray today that if you struggle with change that you will look to HIM for HIS guidance. I pray today that you will allow HIM to renew your heart and mind to be aligned with HIS will for your life. I pray that you will be a blessing to others today and will set aside your need to say, "sorry it's just the way I am." I pray that today you will declare," I will do this because of WHOSE I am."
Blessings,
Heather
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
"walls"
In my lifetime I have come across so many unemotional people. People who don't cry at funerals, or lack compassion for others who are hurting. I seemed to forget just how someone could become so unemotional. After all I too had once been unemotional, and I think Just as Joyce Meyers writes, "Do they even have a pulse?" people began to wonder. How could someone be like this all of the time? Today I have learned that too little or too much emotion is NEVER going to give anyone balance in their lives, therefore I must choose to live an emotionally balanced life. I must choose to be HOLY SPIRIT lead, and NOT emotionally lead.
I remember being in junior high and we had this class called "I Can" oh how I HATED that class. It was all about seeing the "bright" side of things and was made to be a motivational class. My teacher tried in vain to get me to be "happy," but I was so wrecked and traumatized I didn't know how to smile. Sure there were moments of where I thought I could, but when I would go home I would quickly be told I couldn't. I was trapped, I was in such a deep bondage with lies, deceptions, and manipulations. I remember crying into my pillow with so much pain I could barely breathe. I knew that I could NEVER let anyone know how I truly felt, therefore I became so unemotionally attached.
For two years my teacher tried so hard to reach me, and understand how a young girl could be so sad all of the time. I know that they "thought" they could help me just snap out of it. Like I was just choosing to be bratty, and not even trying to be happy. In trying to be happy I was only pushed further in the web of destruction that had become my life. The more I tried to fight it the more I was hurt, and so eventually I knew it was just best to not let anyone in..... EVER.
By the time I started attending high school I became a master at controlling my emotions, and not letting anyone in. I mastered the lies I was told over and over. I mastered keeping my walls locked up like Fort Knox. I knew that I couldn't trust anyone, and I would NEVER allow myself to be hurt, as when I felt any hurt, it all started hurting, therefore I never got close to anyone.
I now know that in building my walls and living in bondage with my "secrets" I built huge walls that needed to be torn down. However, I was afraid, terrified to have to "endure" anymore pain. When I turned twenty six and became a Mama for the third time, GOD revealed to me it was "time." Time to allow HIM to begin to tear down my walls. That was one of the most painful times of my life. When I realized that my "walls" were really just someone else's lies, deceptions, and manipulations. That the decision that they made affected me so deeply that I was never really living, but rather just "enduring' my life. My life had become like a movie, I was just watching from the sidelines. GOD wanted me to be completely whole, and began my journey towards wholeness.
I remember the "breakthrough" that I received one day in therapy when my therapist describe what happened to me as she had heard it before. Up until that moment I had always thought I was "special." That I had been chosen for something not all people could do. It was at that moment I realized that those people made decisions in their lives that best suited them, and it didn't matter to them who's lives they destroyed in the process. That realization has taught me to NEVER allow my emotions to decide for me, and to always think of my family before I make any decisions that could affect them.
In choosing to let go and let GOD, HE began tearing down my walls by giving me the confidence and courage to "face the truth" of my past, and not let it define me. HE has shown me that when I let HIM tear down my walls, my Salvation through JESUS becomes my wall of protection. I know that I must seek HIM daily and not try to control everything.
"No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise." Isaiah 60:18
In the past sixty days I have learned that in my excessive need to control everything I had become stressed out to the max, and therefore lacked in self-control. I have learned that by choosing to live my life surrounded by HIS protection, it was safe to let my guard down, and I would feel less tense. Therefore I would be able to live my life.
"Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control." Proverbs 25:28
Blessings,
Heather
I remember being in junior high and we had this class called "I Can" oh how I HATED that class. It was all about seeing the "bright" side of things and was made to be a motivational class. My teacher tried in vain to get me to be "happy," but I was so wrecked and traumatized I didn't know how to smile. Sure there were moments of where I thought I could, but when I would go home I would quickly be told I couldn't. I was trapped, I was in such a deep bondage with lies, deceptions, and manipulations. I remember crying into my pillow with so much pain I could barely breathe. I knew that I could NEVER let anyone know how I truly felt, therefore I became so unemotionally attached.
For two years my teacher tried so hard to reach me, and understand how a young girl could be so sad all of the time. I know that they "thought" they could help me just snap out of it. Like I was just choosing to be bratty, and not even trying to be happy. In trying to be happy I was only pushed further in the web of destruction that had become my life. The more I tried to fight it the more I was hurt, and so eventually I knew it was just best to not let anyone in..... EVER.
By the time I started attending high school I became a master at controlling my emotions, and not letting anyone in. I mastered the lies I was told over and over. I mastered keeping my walls locked up like Fort Knox. I knew that I couldn't trust anyone, and I would NEVER allow myself to be hurt, as when I felt any hurt, it all started hurting, therefore I never got close to anyone.
I now know that in building my walls and living in bondage with my "secrets" I built huge walls that needed to be torn down. However, I was afraid, terrified to have to "endure" anymore pain. When I turned twenty six and became a Mama for the third time, GOD revealed to me it was "time." Time to allow HIM to begin to tear down my walls. That was one of the most painful times of my life. When I realized that my "walls" were really just someone else's lies, deceptions, and manipulations. That the decision that they made affected me so deeply that I was never really living, but rather just "enduring' my life. My life had become like a movie, I was just watching from the sidelines. GOD wanted me to be completely whole, and began my journey towards wholeness.
I remember the "breakthrough" that I received one day in therapy when my therapist describe what happened to me as she had heard it before. Up until that moment I had always thought I was "special." That I had been chosen for something not all people could do. It was at that moment I realized that those people made decisions in their lives that best suited them, and it didn't matter to them who's lives they destroyed in the process. That realization has taught me to NEVER allow my emotions to decide for me, and to always think of my family before I make any decisions that could affect them.
In choosing to let go and let GOD, HE began tearing down my walls by giving me the confidence and courage to "face the truth" of my past, and not let it define me. HE has shown me that when I let HIM tear down my walls, my Salvation through JESUS becomes my wall of protection. I know that I must seek HIM daily and not try to control everything.
"No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise." Isaiah 60:18
"Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control." Proverbs 25:28
I know that I must choose daily to not build up walls, but instead "face the truth" of my circumstances, and not lose self-control. I must to seek daily HIM and allow myself to be HOLY SPIRIT lead. HE is my conscience and will lead me on my journey towards wholeness.
"So no matter how many walls we think we are building to protect ourselves, if we do not maintain balanced emotions, all our walls are mere illusions and not walls that protect us at all."
"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy" Jim Rohn
I will for the rest of my life choose JOY as I don't EVER want to live in bondage again the way I did in my younger years. I know that HIS plans for me are greater than I could even possibly imagine. I can't wait to see what HE has in store for me in my future. GOD has taught me that by allowing HIM to tear down my walls, I am now able to be at peace with my past, content with my present, and so excited about my future.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I pray today that if you have built walls up around yourself for protection, that you will seek HIM and allow HIM to begin the process in your life of tearing them down. HE wants you to know and receive freedom in HIM so that you can truly start living. I pray for you to be given the courage and the confidence to "face the truth" of your life circumstances that made you build up your walls. I pray today is demolition day of your walls to come down. I pray today that you will know your Salvation through HIM is all the protection you need.
Blessings,
Heather
Monday, July 15, 2013
"forbidden fruit"
"The nature of the flesh is to want what it thinks it cannot have, but once it has what it thought it wanted, the craving starts all over again." Just like Adam and Eve felt shame for what they had done, I know that when I stray from HIS path HE has chosen for me I am filled with guilt and shame, because instead of doing the "right" thing, I choose the thrill of doing the "wrong" thing. Therefore it is said to be "forbidden fruit." I know that the more I try to hide from it, the more I crave it.
It is sad to me how many marriages are ending because of affairs. One spouse decides that the other isn't "giving" them what they need. When really they should be asking themselves, "am I giving them what they need?" So they begin to look elsewhere, and they seem to "find" "greener pastures", and because they are married it is said to be "forbidden fruit." While the thrill of sneaking around, and feeling "so alive" may feel like NOTHING they've ever experienced, GOD wants them to know that it is only temporary. All too soon they will be filled with so much shame and regret. Once they have had the taste of "forbidden fruit," then it will consume their minds and they will crave it, and eventually will seek after it until they are able to get their fill. However, GOD wants them to know that they will NEVER receive their fill because it is NOT GOD honoring. GOD wants them to know that they will always be trying to fill that void where HE belongs. GOD wants marriage's to be based on the principle of "living to make each other happy." GOD says that when people do the "right" thing when it comes to their marriage HE will give them what they need in abundance.
I know that when I feel like D isn't doing HIS part, I must first look at what I am doing, and if it is anything less than GOD honoring, I must change my ways, and start putting into our marriage of what I hope to receive. In choosing to do the "right" thing I know that I am showing D that his happiness is important to me, and because I am showing him I love him, he will then in return want to do the same for me.
"Wishing does no good; only action changes things."
I know that rather than expecting D to make me happy, I must choose to allow GOD to equip me with the desire to live to make D happy. I know that in order to be truly happy and not look for "greener pastures" I must choose to let go of all of my unrealistic expectations. All too often I place way too much pressure on D to be the "ideal" or at least what I think the "ideal" husband is. GOD wants me to know that HE made D exactly the way that HE intended. HE has shown me that where I am weak D is strong, and where D is weak I am strong. HE wants me to rid myself of the false image that I have in my mind for my marriage, and start living in the reality of my marriage.
D and I have been married for almost 15 years now, and we sure have had our ups and downs. There hasn't been a single year of our married life where we haven't faced challenges. However we know that when we keep GOD at the center of our marriage, then the knot is tied, and it cannot be broken. I know that by choosing to walk closely with GOD HE will bring me closer to D. I know that D and I are at our strongest when we both choose to allow our hearts and minds to be aligned with the LORD's will for our lives. D and I decided ten years ago to make GOD be the center of our family. This is a decision that we have NEVER regretted. In choosing to let HIM lead us HE has brought us more joy and hope than we could ever imagine.
"Love is not a mere feeling. It is a decision about how we will behave and treat people."
I will say that choosing to be lead isn't easy. There is always going to be storms to strengthen our marriage along the way. We just recently overcame a HUGE storm in our marriage. I in my humanness was praying, "Lord please change him" I did this repeatedly for months, however when I started getting into HIS word, and praying and seeking HIM earnestly on how to be the wife that D needs, HE showed me it was I, Heather that needed to change. I wish I could say that I was totally on board at first, however that was so far from the truth. The truth was this, I was angry, bitter, frustrated, and plain mad.... daily..... Anger was seeping into our marriage, and our "fights" were becoming more and more intense. I was so busy being wrapped up in the selfish "need" to be right that I failed to see how badly I was treating D. True as it was that he had changed, he certainly didn't deserve to be raked over the coals every single moment we were together by me. When D finally reach his "breaking point,:" and let me know just how much my words and actions hurt him, GOD captured my heart and began a good work in me to change and to build back up my marriage. I was reminded once again that we fill in for each other in our strengths, and weaknesses. I had forgotten, I was so busy wanting him to be my EVERYTHING, I forgot to seek the one who is my EVERYTHING. GOD reminded me this morning about what loving D truly means:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
GOD wants me to love D just as HE loves him, HE wants me to honor, and cherish him. HE wants me to build D up and pray for him. In choosing to be married CHRIST followers we are called to protect the sacred vow that we made between each other and GOD.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12
We must choose speak to one another in love, and be humble, instead of the need to "right."
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
I know that I have NEVER felt more alive, and happy than I have for the past sixty days of being in HIS word. I am so thankful when I wake up every morning, and I get another chance to live out the life that HE has chosen for me. I praise HIM and thank HIM every morning for my amazing husband D. I truly live a blessed life with more blessings than I could have ever hoped for.
I pray today that if you are struggling in your marriage that you will turn your eyes to HIM. I pray that you will choose to let go of your "feelings," and instead hold onto HIS truth. I pray that you know that the truth is, "GOD is in the business of building marriage, not tearing them down." I pray today that you will seek HIS truth, and allow HIM to be the center of your marriage.
Blessings,
Heather
It is sad to me how many marriages are ending because of affairs. One spouse decides that the other isn't "giving" them what they need. When really they should be asking themselves, "am I giving them what they need?" So they begin to look elsewhere, and they seem to "find" "greener pastures", and because they are married it is said to be "forbidden fruit." While the thrill of sneaking around, and feeling "so alive" may feel like NOTHING they've ever experienced, GOD wants them to know that it is only temporary. All too soon they will be filled with so much shame and regret. Once they have had the taste of "forbidden fruit," then it will consume their minds and they will crave it, and eventually will seek after it until they are able to get their fill. However, GOD wants them to know that they will NEVER receive their fill because it is NOT GOD honoring. GOD wants them to know that they will always be trying to fill that void where HE belongs. GOD wants marriage's to be based on the principle of "living to make each other happy." GOD says that when people do the "right" thing when it comes to their marriage HE will give them what they need in abundance.
I know that when I feel like D isn't doing HIS part, I must first look at what I am doing, and if it is anything less than GOD honoring, I must change my ways, and start putting into our marriage of what I hope to receive. In choosing to do the "right" thing I know that I am showing D that his happiness is important to me, and because I am showing him I love him, he will then in return want to do the same for me.
"Wishing does no good; only action changes things."
I know that rather than expecting D to make me happy, I must choose to allow GOD to equip me with the desire to live to make D happy. I know that in order to be truly happy and not look for "greener pastures" I must choose to let go of all of my unrealistic expectations. All too often I place way too much pressure on D to be the "ideal" or at least what I think the "ideal" husband is. GOD wants me to know that HE made D exactly the way that HE intended. HE has shown me that where I am weak D is strong, and where D is weak I am strong. HE wants me to rid myself of the false image that I have in my mind for my marriage, and start living in the reality of my marriage.
D and I have been married for almost 15 years now, and we sure have had our ups and downs. There hasn't been a single year of our married life where we haven't faced challenges. However we know that when we keep GOD at the center of our marriage, then the knot is tied, and it cannot be broken. I know that by choosing to walk closely with GOD HE will bring me closer to D. I know that D and I are at our strongest when we both choose to allow our hearts and minds to be aligned with the LORD's will for our lives. D and I decided ten years ago to make GOD be the center of our family. This is a decision that we have NEVER regretted. In choosing to let HIM lead us HE has brought us more joy and hope than we could ever imagine.
"Love is not a mere feeling. It is a decision about how we will behave and treat people."
I will say that choosing to be lead isn't easy. There is always going to be storms to strengthen our marriage along the way. We just recently overcame a HUGE storm in our marriage. I in my humanness was praying, "Lord please change him" I did this repeatedly for months, however when I started getting into HIS word, and praying and seeking HIM earnestly on how to be the wife that D needs, HE showed me it was I, Heather that needed to change. I wish I could say that I was totally on board at first, however that was so far from the truth. The truth was this, I was angry, bitter, frustrated, and plain mad.... daily..... Anger was seeping into our marriage, and our "fights" were becoming more and more intense. I was so busy being wrapped up in the selfish "need" to be right that I failed to see how badly I was treating D. True as it was that he had changed, he certainly didn't deserve to be raked over the coals every single moment we were together by me. When D finally reach his "breaking point,:" and let me know just how much my words and actions hurt him, GOD captured my heart and began a good work in me to change and to build back up my marriage. I was reminded once again that we fill in for each other in our strengths, and weaknesses. I had forgotten, I was so busy wanting him to be my EVERYTHING, I forgot to seek the one who is my EVERYTHING. GOD reminded me this morning about what loving D truly means:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
GOD wants me to love D just as HE loves him, HE wants me to honor, and cherish him. HE wants me to build D up and pray for him. In choosing to be married CHRIST followers we are called to protect the sacred vow that we made between each other and GOD.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12
We must choose speak to one another in love, and be humble, instead of the need to "right."
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3
I know that I have NEVER felt more alive, and happy than I have for the past sixty days of being in HIS word. I am so thankful when I wake up every morning, and I get another chance to live out the life that HE has chosen for me. I praise HIM and thank HIM every morning for my amazing husband D. I truly live a blessed life with more blessings than I could have ever hoped for.
I pray today that if you are struggling in your marriage that you will turn your eyes to HIM. I pray that you will choose to let go of your "feelings," and instead hold onto HIS truth. I pray that you know that the truth is, "GOD is in the business of building marriage, not tearing them down." I pray today that you will seek HIS truth, and allow HIM to be the center of your marriage.
Blessings,
Heather
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