needing HIM

If ever I doubt whether or not GOD wants to speak to me on a daily basis, I must remember this, in the times where I am sleeping the best, HE can, will, and does RIP me from that blessed sleep when there is something urgent that I must know and learn.  This morning was no different, and at 3.a.m. I would soon learn that HE was needing me to understand something.

HIS Daily Teachings today was to remind me of my bible study from the other day.   How quickly through one day of NOT seeking HIM as I was dealing with a sick child yesterday did I forget my spiritual open heart surgery.  As I began to go through my journal and read what I learned on that particular day, I realized that HE wasn't just going to stop there.  No, true to HIS word, HE was going to take me even further than I "thought" HE would, and once again I would be left to eat a HUGE slice of humble pie.

In order for you to understand how this came about, HE is asking me to tell you about my day yesterday. What started off as strong with me getting things done around the house, quickly became the excuses as to why I couldn't continue.  What I know now is that I had allowed  my heart to be conditioned to be angry at one of my children, and by 4 p.m. this MAMA was on FIRE! 

My poor nine year old daughter was on the receiving end of my wrath.  As she began to question why she had the responsibilities she had, I lit into her.  I began to speak to her in a way less-than GOD honoring way.  I spent so much time speaking down to her, that I failed to see how much I pushed her in the ground just so I could feel better about myself, and "feel" more comfortable about the excuses that I had been making all day long.  Before I went to sleep last night, I apologized to GOD, and NOT to her, but I did pour my heart out to HIM, however even though I "thought" I truly meant it, I know now that I wasn't even close to being sorry.  

I once shared this saying on facebook that went something like this: "that time where you punish your child for acting just like you."  YES here it comes, HUMBLE PIE!  As I began to journal this morning all my mind could think of is, "LORD I NEED YOU, HELP ME TO KEEP AN OPEN HEART!"

HE is teaching me that living with an open heart means coming to HIM when HE calls me, NOT when I "feel" like it.  HE has reminded me of that by showing me that I, Heather EXPECT my children to obey me RIGHT NOW!  HE has shown me that when they "fail" to obey me I get angry, and how quickly I lose grace for them.  Today is letting me know that even though there are times where I don't obey HIM right now, HIS grace NEVER runs out for me.  Instead, HE continues to call my name until I answer HIM.

Now this is NOT to say that things are easy, in fact just the opposite.  If anything when I fail to obey HIM right now, that is when things get tough, as that is when I decide that "my way" is much better than "HIS way."  How foolish I am in my thinking, and how exasperated I would be if I were my own parent.

Now there is a saddening thought.  If I had to choose to be a Mama to someone, I wouldn't choose my own self.  So naturally GOD is letting me know that the very thing that drives me up one wall and down the other, is exactly WHO my own children are, as they are JUST LIKE ME.   GAHHHHHH!!!!  LORD, are you kidding me?!?  Okay, okay, so I've had enough of this humble pie, moving on................. please???

If ever I doubt will HE ever stop teaching me, HE is so quick to remind me that HE will NEVER be done teaching me.  HE is wanting me to know that keeping an open heart means abandoning all logic, and trusting HIM completely.  HE is telling me that I must let go of what the world is telling me I should do, and listen to HIM as HE is the one who truly understands what I need to do.

With an open heart means living just as JESUS did, with a heart for people.  Full of love, and compassion, understanding, and grace.  To see people beyond their hurt, beyond their sin.  To love in a way that they will see JESUS within me loving them.  Oh how I long for the day when other's will see HIM in me, and I won't make so many foolish mistakes.

As always HE is reminding me of what I am supposed to be doing through a song of worship, one of which brings me to my knees every time I hear it, and sing it.  "My Soul Now to Stand" by Hillsong United has once again reminded me of WHO HE is, and what I am called to do.

"You stood before my failure Carried the Cross for my shame My sin weighed upon Your shoulders My soul now to stand So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart O God

Completely to You So I'll walk upon salvation Your Spirit alive in me This life to declare Your promise My soul now to stand"

Through singing this song this morning HE is reminding me that in keeping an open heart means trusting HIM and choosing to BELIEVE HE is WHO HE says HE is, and that HE will do what HE says HE will do. Even though I have written that very line over and over in several posts, I tend to forget WHO HE is.   That very thought is maddening and saddening to me all at the same time.  I am mad, as when I forget WHO HE is, I lose sight of HIS will, HIS plan, and HIS purpose for my life, and I allow myself to be mislead, straight away from HIS kingdom.  It saddens me as when this happens, my life falls apart, and the strong faith that I have been feeling is slipping, and it will take some tough love from HIM, and lots of HUMBLE PIE to bring me to where I need to be.

So my question to HIM this morning was, "if I know this, then why LORD do I always allow myself to forget, and make so many foolish mistakes?"  Thankfully HIS loving response was this, "because without you forgetting, you wouldn't be able to see just how much you need ME."  

This morning, I am so thankful that one who gave it all up for me, seeks me, and holds tight to my  heart, even tighter when I am slipping, and places people in circumstances in my life to remind me of WHO HE is.  HE is wanting me to know that with an open heart for me means putting my life in HIS hands.  Knowing and trusting that HE can, will, and does every thing for my own good.

"Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

HE is wanting me to know that if ever I am being blinded by worldly things, HE will reveal the truth, HIS truth to me, and that HE can, will, and does cure my of my blindness that Satan and his demons "try" to keep as a part of my life.  Never before had I really understood the line in "Amazing Grace" "was blind but now I see" that is until now.  HE is wanting me to know that the very blindness, or darkness that I am being kept in will only be until I seek HIM, as HE is my light, HE is the lamp unto my feet.   HE will show me how to live, how to love, how to forgive, how to do everything that I need to do.  I know all of this to be true, because HE has proven HIMSELF time and again just how much HE loves me.

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

"Your word is a lamp for my feet,a light on my path." Psalm 119:105

HE is wanting me to know that for me, living with an open heart means freedom, as HE has already paid my debt so that I can live in freedom with HIM, and that one day I will be able to live an eternal life in HEAVEN with HIM and HIS FATHER.

With an open heart means me telling HIM daily, "LORD I need YOU so much in my life,  give me faith to trust what YOU say, that YOUR good, and YOUR love is great"  Once again, HE is reminding me of how much I need HIM through a song that I have sung so many times over the past year and that is "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship

"I need you,  to soften my heart,  to break me apart.  I need you, to open my eyes, to see that you're shaping my life.  All I am,  I surrender.  Give me faith to trust what you say, that you're good and your love is great.   I'm broken inside, I give you my life

In the past two days, I have learned so much about what living with an open heart means, but the one thing that I have really understood to be the most important thing is this:  I must boldly declare that HE is LORD of my life.  I must be willing to SHOUT IT, SCREAM IT, from the mountains.  I must let anyone, and everyone who I come in contact know that I, Heather, have decided to follow JESUS, and there is NO turning back!

HIS grace, is HIS loving do-over for me today, and for that I am so incredibly blessed.  When my young daughter wakes up, I can't wait to share HIS good news with her, and to be able to pray with her, and ask her for her forgiveness.  

I pray today that if you too are in need of a do-over you will know that HIS grace is sufficient enough for you to have one.  I pray that you will seek HIM and ask HIM to open your heart to HIS teachings so that you will be able to live a truly blessed life.  I pray that if you've never prayed to HIM, or spoken of HIM, that you will say out loud right now, "JESUS I need you" and know and trust, and BELIEVE that HE is there, and HE is waiting for you.

Praying for HIS blessings for you all my dear friends, 

Heather 

"open heart"

Each morning I am early to rise before anyone else wakes up.  It has been during this time that I have my talks with my HEAVENLY FATHER, where HE speaks to me and enables me to write this blog.  This has become a new way of living for me all because I chose to put HIM 1st in everything I did this past summer.  

For the longest time my favorite worship song has been "Hosanna" by Hillsong United. Every time I sing the following verses, I can't help but to cry.  "Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseen Show me how to love like You have loved me Break my heart for what breaks Yours Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause As I walk from earth into eternity" 

This song has truly become my hearts cry, and because HE knows that is my hearts cry, HE has answered me once again, and this time it was in the form of spiritual open heart surgery.  This morning I have been once again changed, all because I have chosen to open my heart to HIM, and HIS Daily Teachings.  

HIS Daily Teachings today is to remind me that in keeping an open heart I must realize that though things may not always be easy, they will however be bearable.  I know this to be true because it is written, that HE is with me always.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrifiedbecause of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

HE is wanting me to know that in keeping an open heart in me is HIS way for growing and stretching my faith in HIM.  Therefore, I must remember that when the storms are brewing and the seas are raging in my life, that HE is there, and HE will never forsake me.

HE is wanting me to know that in choosing to keep an open heart for HIM that my thirst for HIS knowledge will never be quenched until I come to HIS well, as HE truly is the living water that I need in order to live my life through HIS plans and HIS purpose.

HE is teaching me all about HIS living water through one story in the bible about a Samaritan woman who had five husbands, and who was currently living with a man who was not her husband.  It is written that this woman was an outcast, and only went to draw water from the well when no one else was around.  So naturally when JESUS asks for a drink from her jar, she declines, and questions HIS sincerity.

Like me, she is blown away by HIS response, and well here, I will just let you read it for yourself. 

"When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”  (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans. Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”  “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?  Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  John 4:7-13

Like the Samaritan woman I am learning that HE is the source of water for my life.  HIS living water in crucial for my life, and I know that I can only drink from HIS well when I allow myself to have an open heart.  I am learning that HIS word is that very living water that my soul desires, and my thirst craves to be quenched.

Today HE is reminding me that in my times of feeling burdened all I need to do is come to HIM.  That in the times wear I feel like I cannot go on another moment, that HE is there, and HE will carry me.  With an open heart, I am learning that HE will never leave and HE will never forsake me.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

HE is telling me that with an open heart, I must go when HE tells me to go, even if I don't know where I am going, I must choose to move.  HE is wanting me to know that having an open heart means trusting HIM completely  that HE has all of my life planned and everything can, will, and does work out for my own good, all because HE loves me.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Through this morning's spiritual open heart surgery I am learning that nothing can separate HIM from me, or me from HIM, all because I know that HIS love never fails.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

I know all of this to be true, as it is the reason, and only reason HE is able to capture my heart time and again  and bring me right back along side of HIM, with me seeking HIM, and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my journey towards wholeness with HIM.

HE is teaching me that in keeping an open heart means that I am allowing HIM to transform and renew my heart to be more like HIS.  I am learning that in choosing to have a heart like JESUS means that when I do, I will love just as HE loves.  I will love what HE loves.  I will do what HE does.  I will say what HE says.  I will think what HE thinks, and I will forgive just as HE forgives, no matter how I may feel, as in my humanness I foolishly think that "I" get to decide whether someone is worthy or not of forgiveness.  YIKES!

HE is wanting me to know that it is in these early morning walks, and talks together that I will have life-changing conversations with HIM.  I know this to be true, because since this past May I have come to HIM, and each time I have searched for HIM I have found HIM, and through each of HIS Daily Teachings I have been blown away by HIS goodness and HIS mercy.

HE is telling me that in keeping an open heart means that my past cannot dictate who I am today, because of WHOSE I am.  I am learning that even though I make mistakes, (daily) and do stupid things (also daily), HE never gives up on me, HIS love never runs out, and HE is always there ready for me to catch up to HIM.

In keeping an open heart, I am learning that I must boldly declare, "Here I am LORD, send me.  Take my life LORD, take all that I am, everything that I am & have, and I will love and trust YOU completely."

With an open heart I know that in choosing to BELIEVE that HE will quench my thirst for knowledge and understanding is possible because I know that HIS word truly is the living water for my heart, soul, body, and mind.

"Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." John 7:38

With an open heart means that I realize that each day I am given is a gift from HIM, therefore I must NOT waste a moment of it.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

With an open heart for me means that choosing HIM means eternal life for me.  Sadly I forget that all too often, and miss the mark completely.  I forget that my mission is HIS mission to share HIS good news of HIS goodness, and HIS mercy, that can be given to all who ask, and who repent of their sins, and ask forgiveness for them.  All too often I forget in my humanness of what my real goal is in my life.  All too often I fall short of the glory of GOD.  I am thankful that HE loves me enough beyond all of my mistakes, and failures, that HE sees the real me, and sees WHO I truly am.

"to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins" Luke 1:77

I must remember that keeping an open heart for HIM means my freedom that can only be found in HIM.  For HIS protection and blessings to be poured over my life, and my families life as I have chosen to seek HIM 1st in everything that I do.  

With an open heart means accepting that I can no longer hide, as I am so NOT fooling HIM, only myself, as HE knows everything.  

Where can I go from your Spirit?Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there;if I make my bed in the depths, you are there." Psalm 139:7-8

With an open hearts means that I know that HE loves me unconditionally no matter how badly I mess up.

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,   for his compassion's never fail." Lamentations 3:22

With an open heart means WHO I am, and the way I choose to live is truly what matters most to HIM.
I am reminded of this very thought through yet another song that I hold very near and dear to my heart.  "How you live" by Point of Grace, has become a go to worship song for me whenever I am feeling less than stellar in my CHRIST like-ness.  "Cause it's not who you knew And it's not what you did It's how you lived" 

I am learning that in keeping an open heart means dying unto myself, and pick up my cross and choosing to follow HIM, and denying myself of what I "think" I want, rather choosing to do what HE tells me to do, as I know that HE truly does have my best interest at heart.  Even when I doubt, HE knows, HE cares, HE's there, ready, and waiting for me to catch up.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24

There is so much more that I have learned during this morning's open heart surgery, however I am feeling overwhelmed, and need to stop.  I may type out the second half this afternoon, or tomorrow.  Whenever I feel prompted and lead by HIS HOLY SPIRIT I will.  My brain is now mush, as I myself am trying to absorb all of what HE has taught me this morning.  So I will leave you all with this.

I pray today that you will open your heart to HIM, and let HIM reveal to YOU WHO you really are to HIM.  I pray that you will know that HE truly does have your best interest at heart, even if you are currently in the middle of a storm, and struggling to stay afloat.  I pray today that you know that you are not alone, all you have to do is open your heart to HIS teachings, and let HIM reveal HIMSELF to you so that HIS plan and HIS purpose will be the way that you choose to live your life.  I pray for HIS blessings, and favor to be poured over your life when you choose to keep an open heart.

Much love, and blessings,
Heather 

"as I know HIM"

This morning, I was hurrying to get in my reading, and journaling before church.  Like always I began to write out the condition of my heart, and this morning this is what I wrote:

"Lord JESUS, if ever there is moment where I forget YOU, remind me of WHO you are.  WHO you have been, what YOU have done, what you are doing, and what YOU will continue to do.  Remind me LORD...... ALWAYS, I love you, Love, Heather"

At the time when I wrote this, I didn't have a clue as to why I wrote that, but it was what was on my heart, so I wrote it, not knowing what I would be learning once I got to church.  By now NOTHING should surprise me in the lengths that HE will go to capture my attention and my heart.  This morning was extraordinary, as I began to pray, "LORD reveal YOURSELF to me today, show me WHO YOU are in my life, show me what I am supposed to do."

As Pastor Dave Mudd began to speak, he recapped what we learned last week about being called to build HIS church.  I thought back to the jenga block that I wrote on last week, and thought about how I really didn't give much thought to it once the church service was over.  Honestly, I didn't think another thought about it, until he mentioned it.  So clearly, I didn't focus on what I learned last week.

Which leads to what HE is telling me today.  HIS Daily Teachings today was to remind me that I am on HIS mission, as a missionary to bring HIS Kingdom of HEAVEN here to Earth.  That I am called to be a disciple to others, and that I am called to speak HIS truth, and HIS word.

During worship this morning we sang this song that made me smile from the inside out.  "Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains, go on and tell it to the masses that HE IS GOD!"  The more I sang that song, the more I felt it burn deep into my soul that MY mission, HIS mission for my life, was clear.  

HE is telling me today that I am called to do HIS mission, the mission that started when HE came to this earth, to live amongst us, who was sent here to show us how to live, me, Heather, the hott mess, how HE can, will, and does turn my hott mess into HIS powerful message!  I am called to shout it out, my message, HIS message, HIS story of my life.  My small part that is part of HIS HUGE story, that is life changing.

HE is wanting me to know that I am no longer to just talk about what HIS Daily Teachings are for my life, rather I am to live it!  SHOUT IT SCREAM IT!!! LIVE IT!!!! ALL OF IT!!!  It's overwhelming to me that HE is depending on me in this way, as I am always afraid of what others will think of me when I share my faith with them.  HE is telling me today that HE doesn't care what I think, or other's think, what matter's is what HE thinks, and I must trust HIM completely that NO matter how I may be judged in the flesh, when I follow HIM, and speak, and live out HIS word, I will be living HIS will for my life.

Today HE has brought me to my knees first in church, and now once again that I am in my home, sitting at my computer, and "trying" to type what it is that I "think" HE is wanting me to share.  I am feeling so overwhelmed knowing that HE is calling me to be so transparent about my struggles and failures.  The doubts, and fear that I have allowed myself to be lead by.  Just watching our Pastor fall to his knees at the knowledge that the weight of what HE has called us to do, seems as if though it is so unattainable.  

However, I couldn't help but to smile as the more Pastor spoke about knowing HIM, and making HIS name known in this world, that even my Pastor was overwhelmed, and through my confusion and my vision and thinking being clouded, HE reached through all of that, and captured my attention, my heart, my soul, all of me, HE captured me once again.

I am thankful that even in my greatest moments of doubt, HE reveals HIMSELF to me in a way that I know that it could only possibly be HIM.  I am thankful that it is in my darkest hours that HE finds me right where I am, and lifts me up and carries me as far as I need till I can stand.  

I am learning that on the days where I wonder whether or not I should share something about HIM, those are the days where I most definitely should.  I am learning that my story is worth being told, as it is HIS story, and the hope, and peace that people receive from hearing my story is worth every bit of criticism I receive, as only I and well HE knows the truth. 

HIS truth has been revealed to me once again, that as I know HIM, HE is my CREATOR, SAVIOR, HEALER, FATHER, and truly MY BEST FRIEND.  I know HIM as all of these things because I have chosen to walk with HIM each and every day of my life.  I have made a promise to HIM and myself that I would ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey towards wholeness with HIM.

"We are spiritual contributors NOT spiritual consumers" Pastor Dave Mudd, Alpine Chapel

As I began to think about what that meant for my life, GOD revealed to me a time in my life where I depended on the church to carry me through in my faith.  I depended on someone else's teachings rather than going straight to the source HIMSELF.  HE took me through some of my most painful times where I was dropped flat on my face, as I had become to depend on someone else's faith to see me through.  HE is reminding how horrible I felt, and lonely I felt.  How HE stripped everything away from me so that I would come to know HIM in my own way.

HE is wanting me to know today that just as I lost my way during that time, I can easily repeat the same mistake when I do NOT seek HIM daily and ask HIM to show me how to live my life.  Therefore, I am learning the importance of seeking HIM first in everything that I do, so that I will live HIS WILL for my life.  HE is wanting me to know that if ever I question as to why I am here, all I need to do is seek HIM in HIS word, and HIS truth for my life will be revealed to me.

"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Matthew 28:18-20

I am learning that I am called to be HIS disciple, and share HIS good news with EVERYONE who I come in contact with.  I should be a person that when people look at me they see JESUS in my face, thoughts, and actions.  I must die unto myself, pick up my cross and seek HIM, and give all of me, for HIS mission, I must make HIS mission MY mission!  

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

Today I am so thankful and grateful that HIS plans for my life are far better than I could have ever thought.  I am thankful that HE moved us to this new house, and lead us to this amazing new church.  One where HE has lead me to go where my trust is without borders, where HE has made my faith in HIM stronger as each day passes.  I am thankful that even in my silence that HE is working so hard on my heart, to transform, and renew my heart daily.  I am thankful that I am getting to know my SAVIOR more and more as each day passes.  I am thankful that as I know HIM, HE loves me, no matter how much I mess up, and stray away from HIM.  I am thankful that NO matter what has happened, is happening, or will happen HE is there, and HE loves me, NO MATTER WHAT!

HE is wanting me to know today that HIS mission is to be clear in my mind, and that is:  Refocusing my mission as I know HIM, have known HIM, and will continue to know HIM.  More than ever my mission is clear, and that is to speak HIS truth, no matter what other people may say or think.  I must stop focusing on being a world pleaser, and become a world changer.  I must choose to speak HIS truth NO MATTER WHAT!!!

This for me is hard, as I have always been different from my peers and well most everyone.  I've never really fit in anywhere, I have always been pretty much been every one's friend, but not too many peoples close friend.  For the very few who are in my inner circle will tell you that I am NOT afraid to speak my mind, when I am being HOLY SPIRIT lead, that I will choose to speak HIS truth over your life, so that you will know that you too can follow HIM.  My best friend, as we call each other our bestie's will tell you that the reason we are friends is because of our authenticity.  She isn't afraid to tell me like it is, and likewise the same goes for me.  I thankful for my Bestie, as she keeps me on my toes, and keeps me accountable for all of my thoughts and actions.

As I know HIM, was life changing for me today, as HE has brought me to knees once again.  I am thankful for HIS Daily Teaching for my life today, as without it, I would have missed the mark once again, and that is, doing what HE tells me to do, when HE tells me to do it, no matter how I may think or feel.  That my mission is clear, that it is all about HIM and NOT about me.

I pray today that you will come to know HIM so that you too will be able to do your part in making HIM known in this world.  I pray that HE reveal HIMSELF to you when you seek HIM with all of your heart, soul, and mind.  I pray that you will have the courage to die unto yourself, and choose to pick up your cross and follow HIM, no matter what other's may think, say, or do.  I pray that you will NOT forget WHO HE is and what HE has done for you.  Finally I pray that if you don't know what HE has done for you, I pray today is the day HE will reveal HIMSELF to you in a way that you will know that it can ONLY be HIM.

Blessings,
Heather 

"just one touch"

For the past five days I have been battling sickness in myself, and my children.  I have spent the past five days on my couch, watching hours of mindless t.v. and not even looking at my bible once, or even thought about journaling.  Rather I have made excuse after excuse as to "why" I couldn't journal, or seek HIM, or ask HIM to teach, lead, or guide me through any of the moments that I have lived for the past five days.

As I fell deeper and further into a state of depression and despair, I began to speak very negatively about my life, and my relationships with others.  Before I knew what was happening I found myself agreeing to the depression and the darkness that was trying to creep in.  

Thankfully my HEAVENLY FATHER loves me enough that HE knows that HE can reach me through even the most unlikely of places, and that place just so happened to be facebook, this past Wednesday afternoon.  It was on that day that I read a quote that said, "pray many words over your marriage, instead of speaking words about your marriage."  Another quote I read was, "Don't waste any time that you are given, rather make each moment count, as for when the moment has passed, you cannot get that time back."

How true those two statements are for my life.  HE is wanting me to know that it is in especially in my time of sickness that I must remember that HE is there, and that all I need is "just one touch" from HIM and HE can, will, and does restore everything in my life.

However, since I am stubborn, and selfish, and way too prideful to admit when I am being stupid, well lets just say I remain in the company of pain and despair, until I realize that what I am so desperately needing is "just one touch" from HIM.

Today a song with this very title "Just One Touch," is playing over and over in my mind.  HE is taking me back to the first moment where I heard that song, and how it affected me.  Today HE is wanting me to remember that my life has been transformed, renewed, and restored, all because I have received "just one touch" from HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that there is NEVER going to be a time where I am NOT going to need HIS loving touch, as in my humanness I have forgotten this very truth for my life.

Today HE is wanting me to focus on the lyrics to this song, so that I will TRUST and BELIEVE HIM that HE is who HE says HE is, and that HE will do what HE says HE will do!  Today with pain, guilt, and shame in my heart, I am letting go, and I am seeking HIM fully, and I am singing this very song, as HE truly is all that I need.

"Just One Touch 

Can Heal This Life 

And Change It For Forever 

Just One Touch 

And Just One Touch 

Can Calm This Storm 

And Tell My Soul Be Still 

Just One Touch 

So Mercifully Come To Our Rescue 

Heavenly Father We Need You 

We Are Nothing Without You Lord. 

So I’m Reaching For Your Hands 

That Wondrously Reached For Me 

You Wondrously Reach For Me 

Jesus 

I’m Reaching For Your Hands 

That Wondrously Reached For Me 

You Wondrously Reach For Me 

Just One Touch, Just One Touch 

Is All That I Need, Is All That I Need. 

If you have never heard this song, I would encourage you to look it up it's by Fellowship Church, and this song has truly become a comfort to me during my times of struggle.

HIS Daily Teachings today is to remind me how life changing "just one touch" has been for my life.  As I was reading today's bible study HE began to speak to me about the woman who was plagued for years with a horrible blood disease.  As I read through Mark Chapter 5, I was once again reminded how I too have been on the receiving end of  "just one touch" from HIM.  

This morning I read about how this woman had seen many doctors, and "tried" various types of medicines, and how nothing had worked.  How lonely, depressing, and full of despair her life had become. The story goes on to talk about how in her loneliness HIS hope is sent to her in the form of another person who was once sick, a leper.  He walks past her and she sees that he is different.  The man begins to tell her of the amazing carpenter from Nazareth who is healing people.  Right then and there she decides that if she can't see HIM, she will try to just touch HIM, as surely when she does she will be healed.

So just as she is hoping, she gets her chance.  Through a huge crowd of people wanting and needing to be healed, she tries in vain to touch HIM.  She knows with full certainty that all she needs is to touch HIM just once, and she will be healed.  Alas her chance comes, and she touches HIS robe with just the tip of her fingers.  Immediately HIS power, love, grace, mercy is poured into her, and she is healed.  With that JESUS amongst a HUGE crowd of followers speaks, "Who touched me?"  People are shocked and astonished that HE would ask that as surely HE could understand that with this amount of people someone is bound to touch HIM.  What they, and I have failed to realize is that HE knows, when HE has been touched, HE knows when someone is thirsting for HIS touch.  HE knows and can see my pain, even though I "think" I am hiding it.  Today HE is comforting me with HIS loving reminder of how my testimony has only come to be through my receiving "just one touch" from HIM.

A large crowd followed and pressed around him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.  When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”  Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.  At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”“You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?" But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you.Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5: 24-34

Today HE is wanting me to know that though I may not be suffering with a lifetime of sickness, I am however acting as if though my being sick was the end of my life.  HE is wanting me to know that even though I didn't cry out, or complain, or whine about my being sick, I did however withdraw myself from the world, and HIM.  In the many hours of my sickness I wasted so much time watching mindless t.v. and was so content to just "veg out", however in my "vegging out,"  HE is wanting me to know that I am "missing out."

HE is wanting me to know that "missing out," today means for me that I have failed to see HIS blessings, and HIS favor being poured over my life this week.  I have missed out on precious time with my children, and my husband, all because I have been sick.  It saddens me to know that once again in my  humanness and in my quest to only answer my fleshly desires I have missed the mark once again.  I have failed the test, and I pray that I realize during the next one that it is indeed a test.

This morning I have been on the receiving end of "just one touch" from HIM.  Through HIS touch I received a much needed nudge to arise early, and to seek HIM, to pour my heart out to HIM, and be filled by HIS word.  Today was about be refreshed, and renewed.  Through "just one touch" from HIM I am able to hear HIM, and I am able to journal, and now write this blog.  It has been through HIS touch that I am once again being healed by HIM.

HE is wanting me to know that its not the size of my faith that matters, rather what does matter is that my belief in HIM is strong, and that I truly understand and can boldly declare that  HE is indeed  LORD of my life.  HE is telling me that not only must I BELIEVE, I must TRUST HIM completely, and know that HE is who HE says HE is, and HE will do what HE says HE will do.  Once again I am reminded that I must have faith like a mustard seed.

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

HE is reminding me today that instead of living in despair, all that I need to do is reach out and receive HIS love, HIS grace, HIS power, and HIS mercy, all through "just one touch."

I pray today that if you are living in the company of loneliness and despair that you will know that HE is waiting for you. I pray that you will know that through "just one touch" you can be healed.  I pray that you too will have the courage just as the woman did to reach out and touch HIM, and have your life transformed and renewed.  I pray that if you are like me and have already received HIS touch, that you will know that no matter how bad you mess up or how far you stray from HIM, you will always be on the receiving end of "just one touch" from HIM.

Blessings,
Heather 

"qualified"

As I began reading today's bible study, I realized HE was showing me what HIS disciples must have looked like to the ordinary every day, you and me type of people.  The more I read, and thought about why HE chose those men as HIS disciples, the more it began to make sense to me, how HE could choose someone like me.  

As always, I "thought" I knew what I was supposed to write about today, so when I "tried" to log onto the blog and type it out, I was blocked.  Frustrated, I gave up and thought, "well maybe I'm not supposed to write anything today."  However, HE had much bigger plans in store for me, and had me take my journal to church with me this morning.

Our family has only been to three services so far at our new church, but each one has been remarkable in my walk with HIM.  Today was no exception.  It shouldn't be of any surprise to me that HIS Daily Teachings today is about being "qualified," and today's message at church was about "refocusing, and doing our part in building HIS church."  

The more Pastor Dave Mudd spoke the more HIS Daily Teachings was coming to life for me.  The more our Pastor spoke about refocusing ourselves so that HE is our vision, in helping do our parts in building HIS church, the more I understood just how I am "qualified."

I still pinch myself at times as it's hard to grasp that I am the writer of "HIS Daily Teachings."  I find myself in complete awe every single day that I see the stats climb.  If you were to be sitting in the room with me when I see that another country is now reading the blog, then you would be able to witness my "PRAISE JESUS DANCE!" Thankfully no one has witnessed that yet, but I know it's only a matter of time.  

Today HE is wanting me to know that I have been chosen specifically to be one of HIS disciples, as I was made for HIS plan and HIS purpose, therefore that makes me more than "qualified."  As I try and wrap my mind around that, I'm finding myself more and more overwhelmed.  Me, Heather, a hott mess, who makes mistakes all of the time, who can speak HIS word, but not live it completely, is chosen, is "qualified?!?!"  

HE is telling me that no matter how insignificant or small I "think" my part is, I must understand that it is through HIM that I am "qualified."  HE is wanting me to know that it is through HIS confidence in me that I am able to fully grasp and understand that I am indeed one of HIS disciples.  HE is wanting me to know that in choosing to live my life as one of HIS disciples means helping HIM to build HIS church.

I was blown away this morning as our pastor spoke about the very thing HE had been teaching me this morning.  Though I didn't understand it fully then, I do now, and what I know is this.  GOD is building HIS church.  HIS bride, HIS love, to bring HIS Kingdom of HEAVEN here to Earth.  HE has chosen me to do HIS good works, to speak boldly, and to declare that HE is LORD! 

I am learning that I have been equipped by HIM so that I can protect HIS church.  HE is wanting me to know that I am protecting the church when I choose to speak HIS truth, HIS words, and live HIS truth daily.  HE wanting me to know that I have been called to speak against false religions and false teachings.  I am learning that I am to speak HIS truth when it comes to anything that contradicts the bible which is HIS word, and HIS truth!

Today HE is wanting me to know that in the times where I "feel" unqualified  HE is wanting me to always remember that HE can, will, and does take my hott mess, and turn it into HIS powerful message!  HE is wanting me to know that I am the only one who can write HIS Daily Teachings, as it is all about me and my journey and daily walks with HIM.  

Okay, so that very thought both excites and scares me all at once.  I'm excited, as WOW, really GOD that is too cool!  The part that scares me is, "Um I am a hott mess, and I don't want to share what a total hott mess I am...... I don't want people to know the "real" me.... I don't want to be judged...... I am afraid..... I don't want my words or my story to be used against me........ I.could.go.on.and.on.and.on.......... but I won't." 

Today HE is letting me know that it is time for me to LET GO of the fear that I am holding onto so tightly and let HIM teach, lead, and guide me to build me, restore me, renew me, transform me, so that I am qualified to share HIS Daily Teachings.

Even now I just feel like, "wow GOD really?"  Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought HE would use me in this way.  In the past almost 11 years of my journey with HIM I have heard many people share their testimonies on how GOD used them in a BIG way, and I had always longed for HIM to use me in the same way.  I am in shock and awe that HE has made me a writer, as well if you were to talk to my college English professor he would let you know that I am so NOT a writer.  Thankfully, being HOLY SPIRIT lead I am. 

As I took part in communion this morning it dawned on me what exactly it meant for me to be chosen by HIM to be one of HIS disciples.  I realized that in taking part of communion it was my way of responding to HIS call for me to follow HIM.  The more our Pastor spoke the more the message came true for my life.  Pastor Dave Mudd was saying that we respond by worshiping HIM, and today I was both arms high in the air praising HIM, thanking HIM, and just loving HIM and all that HE has done, and all that HE has yet to do in my life!

I am thankful that today's message was to teach me the gift of this new year, is actually a daily gift, and that is one that I get to have a do-over EVERY single DAY that I am here on this Earth!   That is amazing to me, as I make mistakes daily, and seek HIS forgiveness when I do fall flat on my face.  Today I am thankful for HIS loving reminder that all I have to do is refocus, and seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my journey towards wholeness with HIM.

The more I write either in my journal or on this blog, the more I am comforted in knowing that HE is teaching me, and that HE is here with me, as there is NO way, I could ever come up with any of this by myself.  I have said it before that I am no a writer, however in being lead by HIS HOLY SPIRIT everything is possible!  I received great comfort in knowing that HE does speak to me through this scripture that our Pastor read today.

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it."  Matthew 16:15-18

Since this past May GOD has really been pressing this hard on my heart, and that is that I am NOT to conform to the ways of this world.  I am not to worry about being a world pleaser, but rather I am called to be a world changer.  GOD has let me know in the past, and is letting me know again now that HE isn't interested in making sure that I am comfortable, rather HE is interested in making sure that my faith in HIM is being stretched, and that I am not staying in the same place for very long, so that I will NOT grow stagnant in my faith.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.  For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function,  so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.  We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." Romans 12:1-8

HE is wanting me to know that if I am still doubting on whether or not I truly am "qualified" to speak HIS truth, and share HIS good news, all I need to remember is that I have been blessed with HIS gifts which make me more than "qualified."  In the year of 2009 I learned that my spiritual gifts are mercy, discernment, and wisdom.  One final gift of prayer was revealed to me, and though at the time I "tried" to deny it, HIS truth prevailed and I have since become a prayer warrior.

Throughout the remaining part of our pastor's message today he spoke about the gifts that we have all been given.  He went onto to say that whether I like it or not, my gift is there.  He also said that I must understand that these very gifts are from GOD HIMSELF.  I am learning that the gifts that I have been blessed with are for HIS plan and HIS purpose for this life that I am living.  

Today I have learned that when I don't use my gifts in the way HE intended I am allowing HIS church to be weakened.  Therefore I must use HIS amazing gifts that HE has blessed me with so that I will be doing my part of bringing HIS Kingdom of HEAVEN here to Earth.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

My final thought for today is this, I am thankful that I read about the importance of having an ear like "Samuel," so that I will hear HIS whispers, and heed them as well.  I am thankful that I have answered HIS call for my life to write out HIS Daily Teachings.  I am thankful that I am able to use my gifts no matter how small or insignificant I "think" they are, as they were designed for HIS perfect plan, vision, and purpose for my life.  I am thankful that I was able to worship HIM by singing, "Be Thou My Vision" today.

I pray today that you will have the courage to seek HIM, and ask HIM what your gifts are.  I pray that you too will see that you are more than "qualified" to speak HIS truth, and live HIS word each day.  I pray that you know that with the start of each day it is HIS gift to you, so that you will be able to do your part of bringing HIS Kingdom of HEAVEN here to earth.  I pray that when you use your gifts you will be in awe of HIS presence and know that you are more than "qualified."

Blessings,
Heather