double

For the past twenty eight years I have worn hearing aids.  This is because of the lack of care that I received in the early ages of my life.  By the time I was eight years old, I had failed every single one of the hearing tests at school, and finally in my 3rd grade year, the school told my parents that I needed hearing aids.  

I remember when I received my first pair, and how strange they were to me.  I remember crying, because I was already such an outcast, and now that I have to wear hearing aids on top of that, well it devastated me.  I remember going to school that first day, and being made fun of.  This would continue on through middle school, high school, and even college.  If I am being completely honest, even in my now adult life. 

For years now I haven't been able to hear in social settings, or intimate settings.  I have missed out on so many things.  That is until............. this past Tuesday I was gifted with TWO top of the line hearing aids from one of my soul-sisters. 

 At the time that she contacted me, it had only been four days since my son's passing.  She left me a lengthy voice mail stating that she heard about my need for a new hearing aid, as I had only been wearing one of mine.  I was shocked to say the least, and tears streamed from my eyes, as I tracked down my husband to listen to the message with me, as I was so shocked that I couldn't even comprehend, much less hear what she had left on that voicemail.

Three weeks ago I met her at her ENT's office, where I would undergo the most thorough test that I have ever had in my entire life.  I received a complete and total workup and exam of my ears, nose, and throat.  I was told things that I had never heard before.  My experience was not only pleasant but I felt safe and secure.  I was so thankful for that comfort that day, as in the past my experiences were not so great.

I then met with the audiologist who tested me in a way that I had never been tested before, and who took her time to explain things in great detail to me.  Afterwards she said that she would be making my molds, plural.... molds,  I was astonished, and shocked, that I couldn't even speak.  At that time it had been three weeks since my son received HIS FATHER'S calling for him to return home.  That very thought was weighing heavily on my mind, as she began to show me the many different types of hearing aids that they offer.  I was given the gift of choice, so that I could choose which hearing aid I liked best, including the color.  I got to choose what features I wanted, and was blown away by the many choices.

Afterwards the audiologist asked me when I wanted to schedule to pick up my new hearing aids.  It was then that I broke into tears, and cried so hard, as I knew that when I did pick them up, I will have had to live through another two weeks without my son. 

My beautiful, loving, kind soul-sister stepped in at that moment, and took over the scheduling for me. She NOT only came to my first appointment, but she was also there for my second appointment.  I was overwhelmed to say that least when I walked back into the office that day, and saw that there were NOT only one hearing aids, but two.  It hit me right then and there, that because HE loves me so much, HE was giving me double the blessings.

"Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours" Isaiah 61:7

As the audiologist began to place the molds in my ears, and connected the hearing aids to them, I couldn't believe it, I was getting NOT only one hearing aids, but TWO, seriously, oh my goodness, WOW, I have no words, I am so overwhelmed, THANK YOU JESUS, so full of PRAISE that I was screaming inside with Thanksgiving!  When she turned on the first hearing aid, she asked me how I could hear her, I told her that her voice was too soft, and she said that was normal.  She said that she would program them one decibel higher.  It was in that moment that I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I was hearing the hum of the computer, and I was hearing my daughter whispering.

Now I know that you may be thinking like, "so what, whats the big deal she heard her whispering."  Well I'll tell you what the big deal is.  The big deal is that for the past 28 years I haven't EVER been able to hear anyone of this world whisper.  In fact, I haven't been able to hear much of anything.   It was in that moment that I realized that gone are the days that I have to struggle to understands and what people are saying to me, what message is being given at church, my children crying out to me in the middle of the night, ALL of it.  It was in that moment that all those years of suffering and missing out, I, Heather, the daughter of the KING was being blessed double for all of my pain and trouble that I have endured over the last 28 years.

Last year after we moved into our new home, I began watching JOYCE MEYER at 5 am.  Most of the time I would write the days blog based upon what she was saying, as HE would speak straight to my heart, about how that applied to my life, and what I needed to do about it.  One of the things she was always talking about was that HE will give you double for your trouble.  Well I have since stopped watching her because we no longer have t.v. service.  However, in the time that I was watching her I was gifted by HIM one of her devotionals called "Power Thought Devotional 365 Daily Inspirations for Winning the Battlefield of the Mind."

Today's Power Thought was based on Isaiah 61:7 ~ "GOD gives me double for my trouble." I had been wondering when HE was going to have me tell about my new hearing aids, as HIS double blessing that HE has poured out for me.  As soon as I opened my devotional, I knew today would be the day that I would get to share just another portion of how deeply and truly loved I am.  Not only that, but I would be able to share about what it is like with these new hearing aids.

My first observation was, people their voices were different that I thought, including my own voice.  Second, I could hear my soft spoken daughter and she no longer had to yell at me.  I can't tell you the years of frustration my family and I have suffered because of having to repeat sometimes even five times for me to be able to know and understand what someone was saying to me.  This frustration has lead to hardened hearts when it comes to compassion, and that it was like, "oh just never mind, it wasn't important.... don't worry about it."  To which I would respond with tears streaming from my eyes, as once again my disability has made it so that I am missing out.  

Back to what I am now hearing.  Did you know that water running from the faucet makes a sound?  Did you know that your turn signal in your vehicle clicks?  Did you know that our ovens, stoves, all of that have beeping sounds?  Did you know that if you are like me and haven't heard well in over 28 years that the sound of a flushing toilet can scare you?  I can tell you from my experiences from this past week of being able to hear that all of that is true.

Today I am now hearing my children in a way I have never heard them before.  Today I am a part of all conversations.  Today I no longer have to dread going to the movies, as I will actually be able to hear what is going on without having to interrupt any of my families experience of watching said movie.  Today I am hearing sounds, everywhere, and I am hearing the LIFE that is being lived in our home.  HE has truly blessed me double for my trouble.

I am already so incredibly overwhelmed by HIS GOODNESS and HIS FAITHFULNESS to me, so when I began to read today's devotional, my mind immediately began to also think of something that HE has placed on my heart.  I'm not even sure how to explain how HE has been working in mine and D's heart about being open to receiving HIS blessings.  I guess I will start from the beginning of our walks with HIM.  

It was in the 2nd year of our Redemption that HE placed it heavily on our hearts, that our children were NOT our own, but rather HIS.  Not only that, but HE was the one WHO knew how many children we would have.  Now for D and I we felt as if though after our third daughter we were done, however, HE had much bigger plans.  Not only would we have one son, but we would be blessed with two sons.  Sadly, part of that plan was that one of our sons, HIS son would be called home, but NOT before teaching all of us about HIS love, HIS HOPE, and HIS joy, through HIS ultimate gift of HIS son of LIGHT that HE blessed our family with.  

In losing our gift of LIGHT, our world turned very dark, but all was NOT lost, in it a NEW HOPE was born, and transforming of minds came about.  It was on the fifth day of losing our son, that D and I would celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary.  We were sitting at a table in our favorite restaurant, shocked, heartbroken, feeling so completely and utterly shattered.  Desperately trying to hold it all together, to get through a meal together without bursting into tears.  It was then that D looked into my eyes, reached his hand across the table and took mine into his and said, "Do you think GOD will bless us with more children?  Do you SEE us having more children?"  I did I double take as I couldn't believe what I was hearing, as I had been feeling for months that HE was preparing me to have more children, but D was so against it.  Stating that we couldn't possibly provide for, much less care for another child.  However in my heart, I knew, I knew that HE was preparing me.  

With this NEW HOPE that HE placed deep into each of our hearts, we began to pray about what this means for our family.  We shared what GOD had placed on our hearts with our children to which they replied, "Finally!!! We would love to have two babies!!!"  It was then that our precious four began to pray for the two babies, double babies, that HE would bless us with.  If those prayers weren't enough, HE placed two names, double, on our hearts, Joel and Joy.  Not really understanding WHY, HE knew, HE was in the details and led me straight to HIS word, where I would fully understand WHY Joel and Joy were placed so heavily on our hearts.  To say that I was astonished doesn't even begin to cover it.

HIS word that HE led me to said: 

 "Rend your heart and not your garments.Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing—grain offerings and drink offerings for the Lord your God." Joel  2:13-14

To put it another way, The Message Bible says:

"Change your life, not just your clothes. Come back to God, your God. And here’s why: God is kind and merciful. He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot, This most patient God, extravagant in love,always ready to cancel catastrophe.Who knows? Maybe he’ll do it now, maybe he’ll turn around and show pity. Maybe, when all’s said and done, there’ll be blessings full and robust for your God!" Joel 2:13-14

I can tell you that in the moment of losing our son, D and I knew that he was with HIM.  We knew what we needed to do and that was PRAISE HIM.  That is why all I could do during our long goodbye with our son, I didn't cry, rather I PRAISED HIM for HIS GOODNESS, HIS FAITHFULNESS, HIS BLESSING of our precious children, HIS precious children.  In our sadness all we could do was PRAISE, had back our precious son to OUR loving HEAVENLY FATHER, trusting and BELIEVING that he would be taken care of, that he would be loved, even more than he was on this earth with us.  

Through our sorrow we have found a deep resolve that because HE loves us HE blessed us with our son.  We are thankful that through HIS teachings, we have learned that through true repentance comes forgiveness through HIS love for us.  Not only that but healing, and with healing, comes freedom, and through freedom comes total and complete and amazingly overwhelming HIS true JOY.

I am so overwhelmed daily by how deeply loved I am.  I am overwhelmed at just how far HE will go to ensure that I am hearing HIM, by blessing me with two, double hearing aids so that I will be able to hear HIS teachings at bible study, and at church.  That HE would bless me with be able to hear the hearts of others, and be able to speak HIS truth, speak LIFE into this broken and fallen world.  I am so incredibly thankful that I have been chosen to live this life, just the way I have been living it.  I am thankful that NEVER ONCE have I ever walked alone in this journey towards wholeness.  I am thankful that even in our deep sorrow, HIS HOPE, HIS JOY, is there, and I SEE it because I SEE HIS light shining to show me in which way I need to walk.  With HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me I am learning that HE will do what HE says HE will do!  

Today I am trusting HIM, with everything!  Today I am BELIEVING in HIS promises to me that HE will give me double for my trouble.  Today I am standing firm in my FAITH and declaring that I BELIEVE in JOEL and JOY, and through HIS timing and provision we will SEE and receive double for our trouble.

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, if you don't know by now, let me tell you, you are all so deeply loved by HIM.  I pray today that HE will reveal HIMSELF to you in a way that you will have NO doubt that it is indeed HIM.  I pray that you will feel HIS presence, and feel HIM wrap HIS loving arms around you in your time of need.  I pray that you will come to know HIM, and SEE HIM as the ONE WHO LOVES, and KNOWS you the best.  I pray that your confidence in this world diminishes and that your confidence in HIM grows stronger by the minute.  I pray today that you will have the courage to lay  down your burdens, hurts, and pains and allow HIM to take them from you.  I pray today that you will repent, receive HIS gift of forgiveness, so that HIS healing will be poured into your lives.  I pray that in receiving HIS healing you will be set free from the bondage's and lies that have kept you locked up in your own prison without a key.  I pray today that is the day that you will start living your life as HE has always intended by experiencing HIS true JOY.  Today I pray that you will trust and know in choosing to HOLD FAST that HIS help is on the way, and HE will give you double for your trouble.

Much love, fervent prayers, compassion, grace, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather  

because.....

This morning I woke up with an extremely heavy heart, and struggled to even write.  Desperately I penned my feelings in my journal, hoping, praying that I would feel a sense of peace wash over me. Sadly, as I was about to find out, peace was being hidden by the deep sorrow, pain, and anguish that I was so desperately trying NOT to feel. From the hours of 4 am to 8 am, I laid my head on my bible and my journal, and sobbed deep into HIS chest.  I cried out of the anguish that I felt in losing my son.  I cried out all of the anger that I felt because once again I have been called to doing something hard.  I cried out my frustration that I had done everything HE has asked me to do, so why did I only get one day of true peace?  I gave up, left my office, and sat in my living room, where I would remain until 2 pm.

It was then that I made my way back into my office, where D was working, and I began sobbing once again.  My head was pounding, and the ache is my soul was intensifying.  D began to share with me how he felt that our lives, my life, was so much like JOB, and that GOD is saying, "I'm so proud of you Heather."  He reminded me that the enemy hates when we do good, and HE gets the glory, and in my passing the test of forgiveness to my birth mom, GOD got the glory, and I got the blessing of TRUE PEACE.  That is when the challenge was made, as if I were to lose my son, then surely that would be the moment when I would turn my back on GOD.  

Thankfully, because HE is in the details of every single moment of my life, HE knew exactly what I would need, and HE knew that I would have this rough day of understanding, and coping, and HE placed all the right people in my path to ensure that HIS words would be spoken to me.

HIS Daily Teachings began today at 11:30 am, as I was crying and pouring my heart out to one of my soul-sisters.  Her text to me said:  "That's good.  HE knew you were mad.  HE understands."  To which I replied "I did everything HE asked me to do, and I only got one day of true peace, it's so hard."  

At this point I was starting to feel so incredibly overwhelmed, and discouraged.  HE knew that, and through HIS HOLY SPIRIT, HE led her to speak HIS words to me.  Through my beautiful soul-sister HE spoke:  " I know, what if you didn't obey and then you lost him while still having an angry heart towards the family who wronged you and hurt you so badly.  HE knew you needed that for your benefit.  HE was protecting your heart as much as possible.  I know it doesn't seem fair that you only experienced one day, but HE will give you many more my sweet friend.  HE will.  That day was a gift because you obeyed.  Sadly him going home to JESUS was inevitable.  GOD knew it was coming.  So HE gave you that day"

"And the GOD of all grace, who called you to HIS eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will HIMSELF restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

HE is wanting me to know and fully understand that everything that HE has ever done in my life has been for me, and NOT to harm me.  HE is telling me the reason I can TRUST HIM is because HE has taken so much time to prepare me for this season of mourning that I am in.  HE is letting me know that through each and every test, trial, and storm, was to prepare my heart.  HE is wanting me to know that the only way HE was ever going to be able to prepare me for the deepest sorrow I have ever known was to take me back to each and every heartbreak I have suffered through in my past.  

"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps." 1 Peter 2:21

HE is telling me that this is the reason that HE took me through so many different tests and trials of forgiveness so that HE could renew, restore, transform, and refine my heart, soul, and mind.  HE is reminding me that when all of that starting happening to me, my FAITH in HIM grew, my TRUST grew, and my BELIEF in HIM soared.  

HE is wanting me to know that HE knows how much my heart hurts from losing my son.  HE knows how angry I am that I only got one day of HIS true peace, but HE is wanting me to know that HE never intended for me to dwell on that fact that it was only one day, but to view that day as HIS precious gift for me, as HIS HOPE, that is there, always, for me to take, hold onto, and press into when the storms began to rage in my life once again.  

"We wait in hope for the Lord; HE is our help and our shield." Psalm 33:20

After talking to D, I opened my bible and when I looked at what page I was on, I couldn't help but to smile, as HE knew.... HE knows me so well.... HE knew that I would dig deeper into HIS word than I did this morning, in search of knowing and understanding HIS ways even more.  It is no surprise to me that the very page I would open my bible HIS word to was the book of JOB.  Immediately my eyes found HIS word, and HE spoke straight to my heart.

"A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed." JOB 14:5

HE is wanting me to know and understand, that even if it wasn't my choice, my son's life, his days were already planned.  HIS words determined.  This means that even though I wouldn't have chosen for my son to leave this world, this earth, my arms, HE did, and HE did because of HIS great love for me, for my family.  HE is wanting me to meditate on HIS word always that I was chosen to be my son's Mama because of HIS love for me.  HE is reminding me that the only reason I was able to love my son in the way that I did, was because HE loved me so much that HE prepared my heart, by teaching, leading, and guiding me through all the tests, storms, and trials that I would have to endure in order to be able to receive HIS gift of forgiveness, healing, freedom, love, grace, mercy, discernment, and wisdom.  ALL because HE loves me.

"We love because HE first loved us." 1 John 4:19

HE is reminding me of the countless prayers that I either spoke boldly or that were just silent tears in my heart, of my yearning to be able to love as HE loves.  HE is telling me that the only way I was ever going to be able to do that was by letting go, trusting HIM, and seeking HIM, so that through HIS amazing gift of HIS HOLY SPIRIT I would be given HIS precious gift of one day of HIS true peace.

HE is reminding me that the reason why I sing "I BELIEVE in GOD our FATHER, I BELIEVE in CHRIST THE SON, I BELIEVE in the HOLY SPIRIT, Our GOD is THREE in ONE"  is because HE has written my story so beautifully and specifically in a way that would ensure that not only would I know and trust HIM, but that I would be able to feel HIS love for me.   HE is telling me that it has always been HIS intention for me to know that I, Heather, once a part of the last, the least, and the lost, would know that I am deeply loved.  I know this, because I know that my REDEEMER lives, I TRUST HIM, I love HIM.  I know my son is in HEAVEN with HIM, and when my time comes, I will be called home, and then HE will look at me with love in HIS eyes and say: "Well done good and FAITHFUL servant."

"His master replied, Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!" Matthew 25:21

In the final part of HIS Daily Teachings today HE has led me to yet another book in JOB. One that JOB is saying that even though he has lost so much in his life. He still trusts HIM, and though he has lost everything, he will NEVER lose GOD.  He goes onto talk about how HE remains, unchanging, as his SAVIOR no matter what his circumstances are.  

"I know that my redeemer lives,and that in the end he will stand on the earth. 
And after my skin has been destroyed,yet in my flesh I will see God" JOB 19:25-26

Though my heart is weak right now, and my words fail me in so many ways, what I can say is this:  what JOB said, is what I will always say.  I am so incredibly thankful that because HE loves me HE ensured that I would hear HIS word today FULL of HIS promises to me, to help me by reminding me that HE has everything worked out for HIS good, and because HE has proven HIMSELF time and again to be trustworthy and FAITHFUL, I know that I can trust HIM with my healing of the deepest sorrow I have ever known.  I am confident in knowing that what the enemy "thought" he could use to harm me, HE made sure that our families tragedy would be used for HIS glory, for HIS good, to save lives.  

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray that today is the day that you will know that because HE loves you, HE wants what is best for you.  I pray that you will know that in this broken and fallen world HE is there, waiting..... for you to receive HIM into your heart as your LORD and SAVIOR.  I pray that when you do, you will open your heart up to HIM, and seek HIM so that HE will be able to transform and renew your heart, soul, and mind so that you too will be able to OVERCOME the strongholds, bondage's, tests, storms, and trials of your life.  I pray that through your obedience you too be will given HIS precious gift of HIS true peace.  I pray that you will know that HE is there, holding you and catching every single one of your tears.  I pray that you will know that HE is there waiting to help you, all because HE loves you.

Much love, fervent prayers, compassion, grace, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

Great Protector

When I was a little girl, though I didn't have the words then to say what I needed, I now know I was looking for my Great Protector.  Through each person that came into my life, I tested them to see if they were willing to fight for me, or if they were merely going to just use me for their own selfish gain.  I should say well, that is just one side of the coin.  The other side wasn't flipped until.... I received HIM as my LORD and SAVIOR, and HE began teaching me through HIS perspective and HIS vision in allowing me to see the people who hurt me, WHO they really were, and by allowing me to see them through HIS eyes.  

Hi, I'm Heather, and in case you have already figured it out, well I'm a fighter.  I'm a survivor of years of abuse, manipulations, and lies, all orchestrated by the enemy, the father of lies, who has "tried" to wipe me off the face of the earth the moment my conception was made known.   I can tell you that I though I am weakened right now, and in deep sorrow, I am still a fighter.  Nothing has changed that, and because I am a fighter, I am growing more weary by the day, and because HE loves me, HE is meeting me right where I am to let me know that even HIS greatest fighters in HIS word, TRUSTED HIM, and sought refuge in HIM.

HIS Daily Teachings today actually began yesterday, however I was much too stubborn to hear HIM let alone SEE HIM, and how HE was setting up another support system written specifically for me in my time of need.  HE was truly in the details, and HE couldn't wait to show me just how much, and how deep HE was in the details, that would ensure me that it is indeed okay to seek refuge in HIM, as HE is my GREAT PROTECTOR.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

Yesterday was Monday, the day,  my hardest day.... the day where I dread its coming, as I know that here comes goodbye is coming.  In knowing this HE made sure that I would be lifted in prayer specifically that I would feel comforted in knowing that HE never intended for me to relive anything. Through my beautiful soul-sister WHOM has been my prayer warrior, my watchman, WHO FAITHFULLY, DAILY enters HIS THRONE ROOM,on my behalf, as she has been called to speak HIS truth, and is being held accountable by HIM to speak only HIS truth, just as I Heather, HIS daughter, HIS servant am called to do the same.  Daily she sends me prayers, and seeks to know how I am doing, and what specific prayer requests I have, after getting account of my needs, she presents them to HIM, and speaks boldly HIS promises to me, to preserve me, to hold me, to care for me, to love me, and most importantly to protect me.  Her words so lovingly written, words that could have only come from HIM were:

"I can't imagine and I don't fully understand the depth of your pain, but I'm praying for you.  Praying it stops being something you relive over and over and that his sweet life both on earth with you and in eternity with HIS HEAVENLY FATHER would be the focus and bring comfort somehow.  GOD never meant for you to have to relive this tragedy over and over.  The same way we don't have to dwell on JESUS' death on the cross because HE LIVES."

"But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes someone’s life, that person’s life will be taken because of their sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for their blood." Ezekiel 33:6

"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

My words fail me in my level of gratitude and thanks that I have to HIM for placing her so lovingly, precisely at the moment I would need to be reminded of WHO HE IS, WHAT HE HAS DONE, and WHAT HE WILL CONTINUE TO DO.  I can't begin to say thank you enough to my beautiful soul-sister for intervening on my behalf when the enemy was lurking, to seek, kill, and destroy me, when I am feeling weak, weary, and so heavy with the deepest sorrow I have ever known.

Though I didn't realize it yesterday her words, HIS words were soothing to my aching soul, and today HE is showing me once again just how much HE loves me that HE would ensure that I had tangible proof that HE is my Great Protector.  I wrote back to her about how I knew that one day I wouldn't have such a heavy, weary heart, and that one day I too would come along side of another grieving Mama and be HIS hands and feet for her.  To that she responded:

"You have to focus on the healing GOD is doing in you right now.  But you should know that GOD is using our hearts even when we don't feel like we are strong enough to be used.  HIS plans are just greater and I know that even in your darkest hour HE is allowing you to be HIS hands and feet to others suffering loss.  That is WHY HE gave you the blog.  That's WHY HE gives you the words."

My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude and thanks, because HIM letting me know that HE is my Great Protector didn't stop there, it lasted throughout the afternoon, and into the evening as I went to my 2nd week of women's bible study.  While there I shared how upset I was that for one day I felt completely free, only to be thrown back deep into the trenches, and having to fight once again to survive.  I shared about how weary I have become, and how I am upset that I am so upset all of the time.  How I am angry and frustrated that how I can usually bounce back from my afflictions, this time, well this time is different.  

HE is letting me know that in sharing my heart last night is what has prepared me to hear what HE is wanting me to know this morning.   As always HE led me straight to HIS word, and as soon as I read it, I knew HE was telling me it's time once again to get to the matters of my heart.  

"Spiritually: Indeed, GOD does preserve us from experiencing some areas of pain and suffering.  But when HE does allow us to b touched by evil, HE ACTS to preserve us through the pain and suffering.  HE allowed JOB'S pain and suffering, but HE NEVER abandoned him." The Great Protector, Mom's Devotional Bible

"But now, God’s Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the One who got you started, Israel: “Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.  I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.  When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end— Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you:  all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!  That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." Isaiah 43:1-3 The Message Bible

HE is wanting me to know and fully understand that because I am HIS, HE created me, and designed me to be just the way that I am.  HE has written the most amazingly beautiful story for me to live.  I am blessed to be living HIS story, and because of that I must cling to HIS promises whenever I am in over my head, in deep, rough waters, that HE is there.  HE is wanting me to know that when I feel as if though I can't possibly take another step, HE will carry me.  HE is telling me that I need NOT to worry about fighting ALL of the time, that even in my times of rest HE is still there, fighting, defending me as my Great Protector.

"Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you will end up out in the cold—

  real losers. Those who worked against you  will end up empty-handed—
  nothing to show for their lives. When you go out looking for your old adversaries  you won’t find them—Not a trace of your old enemies, not even a memory.That’s right. Because I, your God,have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.’" Isaiah 43:11-13 The Message Bible

HE is wanting me to know that today, right now, it's okay for me to rest.  HE is telling me that I am safe in HIS arms, HE will protect me.  I don't have to keep fighting to survive, as I have already been rescued by HIM, and that through HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me I have OVERCOME the previous tragedies in my life.  HE is wanting me to know that though this is THE greatest tragedy of my life, I will survive this too, with HIM I will OVERCOME as I know, with HIS true confidence that my son is NOT dead, but is ALIVE, and living the best life, eternal life.  

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

I am deeply comforted in knowing that my son left our family, who loved him unconditionally, and who never had to experience hurt in his sweet precious little life.  I am so incredibly thankful that he never had to fight to exist because his Mama prayed for his precious little life, and taught him about JESUS even if she didn't realize that was what she was doing.  I am so incredibly thankful that my son knew nothing but love in his life, and went home to the greatest love imaginable, all because HE loved us first.  

" We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

HE is wanting me to know that because HE loves me HE wants me to know that means HE is my Great Protector.  HE is wanting me to know that even though in my past I have struggled with conditional, failing, self-serving, self-seeking love and protection.  HE will move MOUNTAINS to fill me with HIS love, to ensure me that is NEVER going to be the case with HIM, by filling me with HIS amazing grace, unconditional, unchanging, unfailing, unending love and I am learning this all through HIS relentless pursuit of my heart that HE captures daily and fills me with more peace, love, and security that I have ever known.  

Today HE is wanting me to know that in this season of deep mourning, I need NOT to worry about fighting, but rather this is my time of rest, to rest, and seek refuge in HIM, and let HIM comfort me, and build my FAITH in HIM stronger than ever, so that when my time to run comes, I will sprint, and when HE calls me to lean in and press into my FAITH as I run through the unknown, I will leap, I will jump, as it is through my FAITH that I will see HIS goodness, and all that HE has done, is doing, and will continue to do is for HIS glory, and HIS KINGDOM.  

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,  a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,  a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemies before you, saying, ‘Destroy them!’" Deuteronomy 33:27

"But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life." Jude 1:20-21

" Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame,and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

"Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.: 2 Samuel 7:28

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS,  it is my prayer that you will know that if you too are in a season of deep mourning and loss, that HE is there, holding you, and wanting you to rest peacefully in HIS unchanging grace.  That HE has already worked everything out for HIS good, and that when you seek HIM, you will SEE HIM and ALL that HE has done, is doing, and will continue to do for you, because HE loves you.  I pray today that if you don't already know HIM, or of HIM, HE is there waiting.... for you to RECEIVE HIM into your heart so that HE can show you and prove to you just how much HE loves you.  I pray today for your weak, weary, and aching souls to know that redemption is there, HE is your REDEEMER, and that through HIM, with HIS help HE you will OVERCOME.  Hold fast dear ones, HE loves you, HIS help is on the way!  You are about to be RESCUED!!!  In fervent prayers for each of you today, to be touched by my story, that HIS amazing grace and relentless love isn't just for me, but for all of you too. 

Much love, prayers, understanding, compassion, and grace,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather