chandelier

Earlier this month I attended our church's Women's Christmas Banquet with my two teen daughters. The theme of the banquet was SHINE.  The message was clear, that we as HIS ambassadors are called to SHINE HIS light.  Foolishly I allowed myself to "think" well of course I am, and of course I do that.  However as the month lived out, I missed the mark so many times, so it was no surprise this morning in my AHA moment where I realized that the message at church on Sunday was about HIS light, and how even a dim light, can illuminate a room.  

Well since we have already established that I am indeed a slooooooow learner, it caught me off guard this morning, that when I began to seek HIM that HE lead me straight to understanding and knowing that HE is filling with HIS wisdom and knowledge, so that while I am walking this part of my journey with HIM, I am still able to SHINE HIS light.  HE is telling me the way in which I choose to SHINE HIS light depends on WHO I decide I will listen to, which VOICE I will choose to follow.  

" No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.  For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.  Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them.” Luke 8:16-18

HIS Daily Teachings today is challenging me to think about what kind of light I am in this broken, fallen, and lost world.  HE is letting me know that in the midst of the sorrow, sadness, and pain of losing my son, I have allowed my light, HIS light to be snuffed out.  HE is wanting me to know that while it may happen at times, HE is letting me know that it doesn't have to be that way.  HE is telling me that in order to keep my light lit, all I have to do is lean in, and press into HIM, by choosing to stand firm in my FAITH, that HIS light is always SHINING for me.  

HE is letting me know that over the past few weeks I have had several people say and do horrible, awful mean things to me, and in that happening I have allowed HIS light in me, to grow dim, and in the blinding pain that I have been living with, and living through I have retreated in my FAITH, and have taken HIS JOY with me. HE is lovingly reminding me this morning that as HIS FAITHFUL, HUMBLE, SERVANT I am to be living this life that I have been blessed with as set apart.  This means that I am called to walk this journey of grief differently from the way that world is telling me I should be walking.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." 
Romans 12:1-2

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

For the past few mornings I have cried out to HIM that though I know HIS JOY is there for me, I can't feel it, nor can I SEE it.   HE is telling me that is because when someone hurts me, I retreat into HIS arms, I run for cover in an effort to shield myself from anymore hurt or pain.  HE is letting me know that HE will always be my shelter, and my place of refuge, but just because I need to retreat, I can still rest safely in HIS arms, and I am still able to SHINE HIS light.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7

Today HE is teaching me about the fear that I have in letting HIS light shine of what others will think of me.  HE is reminding me once again that the only fear I need to have is that of HIM.  HE is letting me know that fear of HIM, is my treasure.  Therefore, I, Heather, must seek HIM and allow myself to be filled with HIS wisdom, and HIS knowledge, so that I will know and understand how I am to SHINE HIS light.   

"turning your ear to wisdom  and applying your heart to understanding—indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord  and find the knowledge of God." Proverbs 2:2-5

During my hearts cry to HIM today, HE led me straight to a devotional within my bible, and began to teach me about SHINE HIS light, by teaching me and showing me the ways I choose to SHINE HIS light.  HE is telling me that there are several ways that I am able to SHINE HIS light, and is letting me know that there isn't just one way that I am to live, but through HIS HOLY SPIRIT, teaching, leading, and guiding me I am being blessed with HIS knowledge and wisdom of how to SHINE HIS light, even when it hurts, even when I don't understand.  

HE is letting me know that HIS wisdom, HIS knowledge are HIS gift to me as the foundation of which I am able to stand firm in my FAITH in HIM.  HE is reminding me that HE is my strength, and that HE will hold me firmly in HIS grasp, so that through my salvation I will be able to withstand the storms of my life, and NEVER have to fear when I feel as though I may slip away from HIS firm, and secure grasp.  For this reason HE is reminding me that HE is my anchor, HIS HOPE, of which HE has been teaching me about is so that when the waters rise and the waves crash, I won't be washed out to sea. 

" This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

"We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us, in the order of Melchizedek." Hebrews 6:18-20 The Message Bible

Even though I know what my favorite Psalm is, I still have forgotten the exact wording, and so of course as I began to search HIS word for answers, HE led me straight to my Psalm, HIS gift to me, and once I again I have been reminded that HIS word, my bible, is alive. As always, the words, HIS words jumped right off the page, straight into my heart, as I began to soak in what HE was saying to me.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

HE is letting me know that I am to SHINE HIS light no matter what the circumstances may be in my life.  HE is wanting me to know that HE knows my pain, HE knows how much I am struggling, and HE knew that I the further I retreated into HIS loving arms, the harder I would lean in and press into HIS word for the answers as to how I am able to SHINE HIS light, even when all I SEE is darkness.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

HE is teaching me that there are times where I am a candle.  Meaning that I SHINE HIS light bright through my passion for HIM and HIS truth, however, the moment that I am challenged by something that threatens to snuff out HIS light, I shut down, shut up, and allow HIS light to be snuffed out, even though I so desperately need and want HIS light to SHINE as bright as the SUN in me.  In my needing to remember this, HE has placed a song that I sang many years ago in Sunday School.  "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.  Won't let Satan blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine." 

HE is telling me that HE has created me, and has always intended for me to be a candle that burns bright with HIS light, a candle that is able to SHINE HIS light no matter how hard things may get in my journey called life.   HE is letting me know that never do I need to worry about anything, rather I must choose to pray about everything, including being able to SHINE HIS light when darkness is hovering over me.  HE is wanting me to know that HE knows and SEES the darkness (the enemy), and HE has a plan, all I have to do is agree to keep SHINING HIS light and trust and know that HE has it all worked out for good.  

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

HE is letting me know that there are times where I am a floodlight.  This means that I SHINE HIS light brighter than a candle and in doing so I blinded people with my need to speak HIS truth, and pretty much cram HIS truth, HIS words, HIS way, HIS purpose HIS everything down the throats of all who I encounter.  HE is wanting me to know that while it has always been intended that I would SHINE HIS light brightly, HE doesn't want me to forget WHO I am shining it for, and it's NOT me. 

"Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

YIKES!!!! What a great reminder and HIS way of humbling me, so that I am truly walking in the way of which HE has always intended for me to walk.  HE is letting me know that if ever I am in doubt of whether or NOT I am living and walking according to HIS plan, HIS will, all I have to do is ask.  HE is telling me that is the reason HE has left behind the gift of HIS HOLY SPIRIT, so that I would just how bright I am to SHINE HIS light.

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" Micah 6:8

HE is letting me know that there are also times where I choose to SHINE HIS light as a flashlight. Meaning that I only SHINE HIS light during emergencies. HE is telling me that NEVER must I ever "think" that the only time I am to SHINE HIS light is in times of desperate need on behalf of the person in need of it. For this reason, I know that is WHY HE has taught me the reason why HE has had me meditate, soak, in lean in, and press into HIS word of why I am called to live my life as a contagious CHRISTIAN and NOT a closet CHRISTIAN.

"Every time we think of you, we thank God for you. Day and night you’re in our prayers as we call to mind your work of faith, your labor of love, and your patience of hope in following our Master, Jesus Christ, before God our Father. It is clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special. When the Message we preached came to you, it wasn’t just words. Something happened in you. The Holy Spirit put steel in your convictions.  You paid careful attention to the way we lived among you, and determined to live that way yourselves. In imitating us, you imitated the Master. Although great trouble accompanied the Word, you were able to take great joy from the Holy Spirit!—taking the trouble with the joy, the joy with the trouble." 1 Thessalonians 1:2-6 The Message Bible

HIS final teaching today is letting me know that there are times where I am also a chandelier which is the way HE has always intended for me to SHINE HIS light.  HE is telling me that when I choose to SHINE as a chandelier I will illuminate HIS light in a beautiful way, so that anyone and everyone that I encounter will SEE HIS beauty in me. HE is telling me that the reason I will know and understand as to WHY I am called to SHINE HIS light as a chandelier is because that the light is HIGH above anything else, and HE is wanting me to know that when I choose to live my life in HIS firm, loving grasp, I don't have to fear what is there trying to take me out, rather I can rest safely in HIS arms, and in resting I am able to SHINE HIS light, in the broken, dark, and fallen world of HIS FAITHFULNESS.  


"God brings death and God brings life, brings down to the grave and raises up.God brings poverty and God brings wealth;he lowers, he also lifts up. He puts poor people on their feet again; he rekindles burned-out lives with fresh hope, Restoring dignity and respect to their lives—a place in the sun! For the very structures of earth are God’s; he has laid out his operations on a firm foundation. He protectively cares for his faithful friends, step by step, but leaves the wicked to stumble in the dark. No one makes it in this life by sheer muscle! God’s enemies will be blasted out of the sky, crashed in a heap and burned. God will set things right all over the earth,he’ll give strength to his king, he’ll set his anointed on top of the world!" 1 Samuel 2:6-10 The Message Bible

Today HE is answering yet another one of my hearts cries, and this is for people to SEE so much more of HIM in me, and so much less of me.  HE is telling me that in choosing to live this way, that is how I will know, that I am in right standing with HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that being in right standing with HIM means that I am living in HIS Kingdom, and that my hearts cry becomes about HIS Kingdom, and letting go of my Kingdom.  This is truly what I want more than ever in my life, my walk, my journey with HIM.

""But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

" To this John replied, “A person can receive only what is given them from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.’ The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:27-30

HE is reminding me of a quote I read yesterday, "GOD doesn't want you to live like other CHRISTIANS, HE wants you to live like CHRIST."  HE is letting me know that I have allowed myself to get wrapped up and caught up in how everyone else is letting HIS light SHINE, that I been every kind of light, except the chandelier as HE has always intended for me to SHINE HIS light.

HE is teaching me that in choosing to SHINE HIS light as a chandelier I, Heather, am showing this world that  HE truly does make beauty from ashes, as my heart has been shattered, ripped from my chest, and slowly HE is putting me back together, in the way that HE has always intended for me to be.  He is letting me know that just as candle, a chandelier, can be dimly lit.  HE is telling me that just as a floodlight, a chandelier can be lit up brightly.  HE is telling me that just a flash light, a chandelier hangs up, so that in darkness just as HE is my lighthouse, I too can SHINE HIS light for all to SEE.  HE is wanting me to know that HE is calling me to be ALL of those, wrapped up in HIS loving arms, as HIS FAITHFUL, humble, chandelier of light.

" and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3

My Dear Brother and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my prayer that my journey, my walk, my life, is my testimony to all that will know and hear will SEE that HE is indeed good in ALL circumstances.  Even in the death of a child, HE is still good.  That HIS light is worthy, it is to SHINE bright above else.  I pray that you will know that if you too are feeling as if though you are living in darkness, that you will look up and SEE HIS light shining for you, that even a dimly lit light will guide you on HIS path, so that you will be able to SHINE HIS light, as HIS FAITHFUL, humble, chandelier no matter what the circumstances may be in your life.  I pray today that you will feel HIS love, and SEE HIS presence in your ordinary everyday life, that you will know and understand that HE truly does love you, and that HE will reveal HIMSELF in every single detail of your life.

With much, love, prayers, compassion, and grace,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

refuse.....

For the past nine almost ten weeks now, I have said that I refuse to be depressed on top of being so incredibly heartbroken, and sad.  In saying that I have done everything that I can possibly to do to keep myself from entering that dark place.  This past week however, I stayed in my pajamas one day, and went back to bed during the day.  The rest of the week, well that is until this morning I cried, wept, and took on the worst bad attitude I have had in a long time.

However, since HE loves me too much to let me go on for too long, and get completely carried away in how I feel, HE has once again capture my heart and my attention, in bringing my bad attitude to light, by SHINING HIS light upon me, and showing me where I have fallen short when it comes to just how much I have strayed from I refuse. 

HIS Daily Teachings today is letting me know that it is NEVER going to be a part of my journey where I slip away from HIM, and lose my FAITH in HIM all together.  HE is reminding me once again that I haven't come this far to stop now.  HE is filling me with the strength and courage that I am needing to continue on this journey called life with HIM, teaching, leading, and guiding me.

Today HIS word is truly a lamp unto my feet, and HE is truly guiding my every step.  HIS filling me with HIS truth started in my first devotional today.  HE reminded me that HE is the only ONE WHO will give me rest.  HE is wanting me to know that in HIS loving arms is the only place where I can dwell safely.  HE is reminding me that though I may "think" that things of this world may seem to offer comfort, peace, and safety..... HE is reminding me that the enemy would like NOTHING more than to see me tripped up in my thinking, and that is WHY HE has captured my heart and attention once again that HE is ALL I WILL EVER NEED!!!

HE promises to always provide a safe place for me to fall and to rest so that I will be able to be restored, and receive HIS strength, HIS comfort, HIS peace, all of which will pour HIS true healing into my weary, aching, and broken heart and soul.  HE is reminding me that HE began to teach me all about trusting in HIM, and resting in HIM five years ago.  It was until this morning that I was able to fully grasp just what HE means by saying that to me.  HE is letting me know once again that HE is truly in the details of every single part of my journey.


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

In seeking what HE was saying to me, I looked HIS word up in The Message Bible, and HIS word really began to speak to me today.  

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 The Message

HE is letting me know that HE knows how tired I am, how worn out I am.  HE is telling me that HE knows just how incredibly burned out I am on constantly being in a test, trial, or storm in my life.  HE is telling me that HE designed me to be HIS warrior, and is letting me know that while HE designed me to be that way, HE also made sure that I would know and understand that in ALL of these tests, trials, and storms, HE is there.  HE is wanting me to always remember that NOT only is HE always there, but HE cares deeply for me, so much that HE made sure that I would know that no matter how hard my life gets, I am NEVER alone.   

HE is teaching me that I whenever I feel as if though I am alone, I, Heather, HIS faithful follower, must rebuke that thought, as HE has taken so much time in my walks with HIM to ensure me that NO matter how much the enemy would like nothing more than for me to "think" and "feel" as if though I am alone, HE is telling me that NEVER do I EVER have to worry about that, as HE will NEVER leave me, nor will HE EVER forsake me.

" Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

HE is reminding me once again that the spirit of fear, anxiety, discontent, worry, stress, ALL of those things are NOT from HIM.  HE is telling me that this is WHY HE has been teaching, leading, and guiding me on this journey towards wholeness with HIM to be able to say that while under attack that I REFUSE to stop now, so that I won't shrink back when things get hard, the fire burns hotter, and my heart shatters into a million pieces.  HE is reminding me once again that HE created me, and is the ONLY ONE WHO can put my heart back together. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

" But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved." Hebrews 10:39

HE is letting me know that this time, because I know that HE is indeed building me strong, I know that HE is strengthening my heart to love deeper, trust stronger, and live more intentionally, all because HE has taught me the utmost importance of I, Heather, refuse to give into the battle's that have already been won for me.  

" Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

HE is reminding me of WHY HE has NEVER allowed me to forget why it is the utmost importance that I run this race of life, through my FAITH in HIM in saying, "I REFUSE to let ANYTHING, or ANYONE STOP ME from LIVING the LIFE HE has CHOSEN, and so BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN for my LIFE.  HE is telling me that this is WHY HE has taken so much time in teaching me HIS word about perseverance, so that when I found myself in the deepest, darkest waters I have ever known, I would be able to lean in, and press into HIS word, and cling to HIS promises that HE will always be there for me, and that with HIM I can and will persevere through this massive loss I am currently live with.  HE is telling me that if ever I feel myself slipping, I must REFUSE to let go of HIS hand.  

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

"We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing. Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring." 2 Thessalonians 1:3-4

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.  We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command.  May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance." 2 Thessalonians 3:3-5

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

" As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about.The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:11

HE is speaking straight to my heart this morning, in reminding me that the only way through this tremendous sorrow, sadness, and pain in to TRUST in HIM, and REST in HIM. HE is telling me that I must choose to say that even when it hurts, I, Heather, REFUSE to give up on HIM, as HE has NEVER given up on me.  HE is telling me that I am able to do this when I seek HIM, HIS truth, HIS word, and TRUST HIM, that in HIS timing, and provision, HE will restore me, and NOT only that but HE will give me double for all the trouble that I have had to endure.

"Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope;  even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you." Zechariah 9:12

"Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours." Isaiah 61:7

" since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." Hebrews 11:40

"Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours." Hebrews 11:39-40 The Message Bible

HE is reminding me once again that HE has been working on my heart, and weaving HIS word into it, so that I would know and understand that the ONLY way I will EVER be able to fully understand and know what HIS word means for my life, is when I rend my heart, let go of my foolish ways, seek FIRST HIS WILL, HIS KINGDOM for my life, and trust in HIM and rest in HIM that when the waters rise, and the storms rage in my life, HE is there, and HE will help me, I need only to remember that ALL I have to do when I find myself in the vast, deep ocean, all i have to do is reach up, and say, "LORD I REFUSE to do things my way, let YOUR will be done LORD, always."  

"Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God,  for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity." Joel 2:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:1-6

Today my Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray that in my sharing this part of my journey with you, will be able to SEE HIM where HE has been, is, and will always been on your journey that you call life.  I pray today that you will have the courage to STAND UP, STAND FIRM in your FAITH in HIM by choosing to say to the enemy that you too REFUSE to let these tests, trials, and storms wipe you out.  I pray today that you will know that whatever it is that you may be going through, whether its sickness, marital problems, difficulties with your children, financial,if you too are suffering a massive loss in your life..... whatever it may be, that you will be able to TRUST in HIM, and REST in HIM, in knowing that when you let go of doing things your way, and seek HIM, and HIS KINGDOM first that HE will pour HIS blessing and favor over your life.  I pray for peace, comfort for your weary, aching, and broken hearts.  I pray for full restoration of your FAITH in HIM, and for your overall health, so that you too will be able to RUN this race with perseverance, in TRUSTING and KNOWING that HE has it all worked out for your good.  I pray today that you will SEE HIS presence, and feel HIS love, and know that you too are so incredibly, and deeply loved by HIM, OUR FATHER in HEAVEN, THE AUTHOR of our lives, and the PERFECTER of our FAITH.

Much love, prayers, blessings, compassion, and grace,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather