"the call"

It is no secret, that if you know me that during my pregnancy and following the birth of my 5th child I have stated that I am done having children.  I have said that I feel overwhelmed with the five that I have, and I can't imagine how I could possibly be a Mama to anymore of GOD'S children.  However, as my reality goes, I found myself holding onto the baby clothes which were gifted to me in my time of need.  All of the baby furniture, and accessories that little one's need.  Pretty much everything that I had for my youngest was a blessing to us in our time of need.  I was blown away by HIS goodness each time someone else would say, "Hey I have some things I would like to give you, when would be a good time to drop them off?"  I now know and understand that all of the blessings that I received were made possible because of HIS faithful followers who answered "the call."

As I was packing the other day it hit me, "I am no longer in "need" for any of the baby things that I was storing in my home."  A peace came over me that if I indeed become pregnant again, HE will be there, just as HE has always been, and will always be.  HIS Daily Teachings this morning was to remind me about "the call" that HE has put out on my life.  HE is letting me know that with HIM there is NO need for me to worry about anything that pertains to my needs.

HE is teaching me daily that it is about following HIM, and picking up my cross and giving my life to HIM.  I am learning that it is about surrendering all of me for HIS good works.  This morning at 5 a.m. HE woke me and reminded me of HIS goodness and HIS mercy, and how HE is always there.  HE reminded me in the early hours of today that I have asked to be a blessing to other's in my life, so therefore I must answer HIS call when I "hear" HIS "whispers."

Last night one of my closet friends surprised me with a "I am going to miss you so very much, please don't go, but I am so happy for you, but I am going to miss you, I am so glad that I met you, thank you for coming into my life gift."  I say that with confidence as HE is the one who brought us together.  Today is my last full day in our current home, and I am leaving with a peace, and excitement in my heart for our families next adventure.  

Today HE has reminded me just how much other's have answered "the call" that HE placed to them, in loving our family.  Lifting up our family in prayer, and keeping me accountable with my daily walk with HIM. HE reminded me of all the times that I have fallen, and how the one's who have answered "the call" that HE placed to them, how it slowly began to transform and renew my heart soul, and mind.  I know that I would have never been able to grow in my faith in HIM if it weren't for the special people in my life who answered "the call" that HE placed to them.

HE reminded me of where I was two short years ago, and where my marriage to D was heading.  Even just six months ago, I was seriously considering leaving D, as our marriage was anything but on solid ground.  My faith had been shaken, and rocked to its core.  I was broken, and a hott mess.  I was slowly becoming a distant, unloving, uncaring, and if I am being totally honest selfish wife.  I was so wrapped up in how difficult my life had become that I failed to see how D's life was being devoured by Satan.  I was so "busy" throwing enormous pity parties for myself, that I failed to see just how badly D was being hurt.

In May after many months of praying that GOD would change D, and just make him who he used to be, GOD captured my heart once again.  When HE placed "the call" to me about surrendering I was anything but thrilled.  In fact, I believe I was angry, angry that once again I was having to take the first step.  Angry that I was the one to surrender, and to be dumped upside down, and taught exactly what HE wanted me to know in how to navigate in my life.  

Today I am thankful that I answered HIS call, and in answering that call, other's call's were made to me, and I was able to answer them, as my faith in HIM was growing by leaps and bounds.  Today I am thankful for that GOD knew, and placed us right where we needed to be to be restored, and transformed.  Today I am thankful that each day HE reveals to me that I am HIS masterpiece, and that HE won't be done with me until I am with HIM in heaven.  Today I am confident that I am going to spend my eternity in Heaven with HIM, as I have been one who has answered "the call" that HE has placed on my life.  Today I will meditate on HIS word's and HIS truth, in knowing, believing, and trusting that HE says who HE says HE is, and HE does what HE say's HE will do.  Today I will answer "HIS call" and be a blessing to someone else.  Today I will meditate on HIS word which HE has placed before me.

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8-11

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:31-33

All of this was a loving reminder from HIM as I was attending the last "Sisterhood," event at my church.  On that night as each of my good friends saw me, they filled me with words of encouragement.  They hugged me, and thanked me for being a part of their lives.  As I walked to my truck that night, I was in awe of HIS goodness, and I was thankful for every single person who answered "the call" that HE placed to them to bless myself, and my family. HE has reminded me today that it is because of my earnestly seeking HIM daily in my life, that HE has, and will continue to reveal HIMSELF to me, and pour HIS favor and blessings over my life because of my obedience.  HE is letting me know that it is only through my obedience that I will be able to "endure" the storms of my life.  I have learned that I must be willing to answer "the call" that HE places to me in order to not only grow my faith in HIM, but be a model for CHRIST to others.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6

I pray today that HE will reveal to you the ones who have answered "the call" that HE placed to them to bless you.  I pray today that you will answer "the call" that HE places on your life.  I pray today that you will be a blessing to someone.  I pray that your life will be a living testament of HIS goodness, HIS mercy, HIS grace, and HIS love.  I pray today that you will be able to answer "HIS call" with confidence.

Blessings,

Heather 

pray without ceasing

I will be the first to admit that I don't always pray without ceasing.  However, this past January when I read the "Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson, I began to pray bold audacious prayers.  I prayed for three very specific things.  However, I didn't realize that in praying for those three things, I was saying, "I trust YOU GOD, and I know that YOU will answer my prayers, as they all require YOUR divine intervention.

My first prayer was centered around us getting a bigger vehicle, so we wouldn't have to turn away anymore kids on Wednesday nights for youth group.  It was breaking my heart that week after week, we were having to turn kids away, as we didn't have enough room to take them all.  So I boldly began to pray without ceasing.  However, in my humanness, I now know that even when I "thought" I was praying without ceasing, I was putting limits on what HE was capable of doing for us.

My second prayer was for D to be blessed with a better job.  D was miserable in his job, and that in turn made our marriage, and our family life miserable.  Week after week we attended church, and smiled, when inside I think we all were dying just a little more as each day passed.  To be honest, I was praying that GOD would change him, as he was the one with the problem.  However, in May GOD captured my heart, and said, "let me change you, let me use you to get to him."  With that, I fully surrender, and so began this wild ride that we have been on ever since.

My third prayer, was probably the hardest one of the three.  As I in my little "thinking" and manipulation, and distrust for HIM "thought" that I would be in control of choosing where we would live.   At first I "thought" that HE was going to move us to a bigger home in our current town.  Then when D said that HE was open to going anywhere for a job, I began to pray that GOD would move us to GA so that we could live life with my brother and his family.  The very thought that GOD would move us there was so exciting.  I began to envision us living there, and just how great it would be.  As each day passed, my expectations grew more and more, and the more my expectations grew, the more HE was trying to tell me that "Hey Heather, um your not running this show, I am."  

I should say, and well I should know by now that when the great "I am" speaks, I must listen.  HE was letting me know that HE wouldn't answer my third prayer, until first I prayed without ceasing, meaning I put all of my trust in HIM that HE would do just that.  Second, I wouldn't "try" to manipulate anything, and I would wait patiently.... (huh?)  Third, I would wait patiently, and trust HIM fully.  

So there I was waiting, trusting, praying, crying, being brought to my knees daily.  It was killing me to know that I wasn't in control.  It was so hard for me to let go... and let GOD be in full control.  I was going on blind faith, and praying without ceasing, and trusting HIM that HE would bless us with the right home.  However, even when I "thought" I was trusting HIM fully, I was still "trying" to make things go the way I "thought" they should go.  

For days on end, I was crying, and packing up our home.  I was staging our home for new people to come in and view it for rent.  I was crying, and on my knees daily, and begging HIM to reveal to me HIS plans for our family.  Finally two Saturday's ago GOD allowed us to view a house in a town that I never would have imagined we would move to.  Well I should say at first I "thought" we would live there, but as soon as we saw what was available, we began to search for something "more."  However, what I am learning is that when HE has planned something for us, HE will make sure that I understand that HE is the one in control and not me.  

As we walked through the house, I could sense that this may indeed be the house for us to call "home."  However, GOD was through with me yet, HE had one more test of my faith that I needed to endure.  When we first tried to secure the house, someone came out of nowhere, and put down a years worth of rent on the place.  I was crushed, well devastated.  I was scared, worried, and cried my heart out to HIM.  D had just left for his 1st week at his new job, and we were homeless, and I was beginning to feel "hopeless."  Thankfully GOD knew that, and before I could cry anymore HE blessed us with that house.  HE made it so that the owners eyes were opened up to renting to us, and not the other person.  HE made it so that they would accept less money for rent from us, so that we wouldn't have to live for our house.  

Even as I sit here typing this all out, GOD has revealed even more to be about what my prayers have been.  I have even forgotten some of the things I have prayed for in the past.  I am learning that HE expects me to pray without ceasing.  I am learning that HE is waiting for me to surrender my thoughts, and let go.... and let HIM be the one in charge of my future.  I am learning that it is only through surrendering to HIM that HE can, will, and does, pour HIS favor and blessings all over me. 

Today I am thankful that I serve a GOD who saves, who loves me unconditionally.  I am thankful that HE answers each one of my cries for help, and HE answers every single one of my prayers that I have prayed without ceasing.  I am thankful that HE has made my life a living testament that HE is who HE says HE is, and HE does what HE says HE will do.  I am confident in my faith, as I have been humbled, and blessed by HIS unending love, mercy, and grace.

I pray today that you will seek HIM, and that you will pray without ceasing.  I pray today that HE will reveal HIMSELF to you in your life, so that you will know that it is HIM who is in control of your life.  I pray that you will make HIM your first priority, so that the rest of the pieces will fall in place when HE is first in your life.  I pray today that you will boldly go before the throne and pray without ceasing.  I pray that HE will bless you beyond measure for your obedience when you  pray without ceasing.

Blessings,
Heather 

beautiful mess

This morning I got up at 5:30 a.m. and began to journal.  My heart was feeling so full, as D is home, and we have a house full of girls.  Not wanting to wake anyone else up, I retreated to a quiet corner in my kitchen to sit with my SAVIOR and learn what HIS Daily Teachings would be about today.

I never quite know what HE is wanting me to remember or meditate on, and this morning HE revealed to me that the only way HE will continue to grow me in my faith is by having me relive, and tell my story.  Even the parts that I would just rather forget.  Surprisingly for me I would much rather forget the times in my life where I have sinned, and not the tragedy that occurred in my life daily for all of my childhood, and part of my young adulthood.

As I continued my reading of "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman, I came across this quote in the book:

 "If we want to grow in faith we must be open to listening to our own stories, perhaps familiar or forgotten, where we have not mined the rich deposit of GOD'S presence.  With better eyes and ears we will sense how GOD has worked to redeem even our most tragic experiences." Dan Allender

Two weeks ago my family and I met up with my brother and his family for a four day get-away in the Mountains of Gatlinburg, TN.  While there my sister in-law, whom I like to call my Sister from another Mister, gifted me my current book.  She told me that she was in the bookstore one day, and she heard GOD say to her, "buy this book for Heather."  She didn't obey that day, however a little while later she heard from HIM again, and this time she said, "okay, I will go see if it is still there, and if it is, then I will buy it."  Of course when she went back it was there, and she bought it.  

When she told me this story, I was kind of confused, as I had already read it.  Not only did I read it, but I cried the entire time I read it.  Not only did my heart hurt for Mary Beth, my heart was overwhelmed with emotion as I could relate to so many things she was saying in the book.  This morning when I began to read, I was still confused as to why I was reading her story, and then I read the quote from above, and it hit me, "HE is growing me once again."  

I know that I should know by now, that I won't be done with growing until I am in Heaven.  I know that as long as I am here on Earth, HE will continue to present opportunities in my life to grow my faith in HIM.  However, I have learned that these growing opportunities usually come with a price.  That price for me is total surrender.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philippians 2:12-13

GOD is reminding me once again today, that it is for HIS purpose that HE will continue to work through me, to bring me to an understanding that it is all for HIS glory and not mine.  I am learning that my story, is a story of my faith.  How even in the greatest moments of tragedy, HE has brought HIS good news to my life, and has turned my mess, into a beautiful message.  I am learning that the only way I will ever be able to truly understand why things happened in my life the way they did, is to go back.  Not only go back, but seek HIM, and let HIM show me where HE was during my darkest hours.

For the past ten years, HE has been revealing to me just where HE was in my darkest hours.  Whether it was through a song, or a teacher, or a counselor.  I find great comfort in knowing that my favorite song when I was a little girl was "I will be here for you" by Michael W. Smith.  "I will be here for you Somewhere in the night Somewhere in the night I'll shine a light for you Somewhere in the night I'll be standing by I will be here for you"

Even as I looked up the lyrics this morning, I was taken back by just how much HE loved me then, and loves me now.  I can remember being around the age of nine and singing this song with all my heart, not even really knowing what it meant for my life.  I have learned that HE is my light, and HE is the lamp unto my feet. 

" When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

"Your word is a lamp for my feet,a light on my path." Psalm 119:105

 I have learned that HE is the one directing my path, and HE is turning my most tragic moments into a great message.  A message that is full of HIS hope, HIS love, HIS grace, HIS forgiveness, HIS guidance, HIS truth, HIS word, HIS greatness, and HIS goodness.  I am learning that as long as I choose to walk in obedience with HIM leading me, HE can, will, and does teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my life.

Today I am so thankful that because of my story, I have my faith.  A faith that I would have never been able to receive at the level I have without going through the things that I have endured.  Today I am thank to know that even when I didn't know HIM, HE was writing my story.  Today I am thankful that once again HE is taking me back through my mess, to write another level of HIS message based on my life.

Since I began writing this blog, I have been so humbled by how many people who are reading it.  I am in complete awe that people actually want to read about my brokenness, and hott mess of a life.  I am humbled and honored whenever I receive another private message, or email, or comment about how much a person is able to relate to what I am writing about.  I know that I have said it so many times already, but I will say it again, "I never could have imagined just how BIG HE would use me, when I surrendered and said, "Lord use me for your good works."  

If you would have asked me even a year ago where I "thought" I would be this very moment, never in a million years would I have said anything even remotely close to where I am.  When thinking about just how far I have come in just one year's time, it gets me excited about my future.  It gives me peace for my past, and happiness and contentment in my present.  I know that none of that is possible without allowing HIM to transform and renew my heart daily.  HIS Daily Teachings today was another one of HIS loving reminders that even when I "think" I have told my story enough, or thought about my story enough, HE is the one who will say when it has been enough.

I pray today that if you are struggling with what your story is, that you will seek HIM, and let HIM reveal to you what your beautiful mess means to HIM.  I pray today that you will seek HIM and surrender all of you to HIM, and allow HIM to transform and renew your heart.  I pray today that if your heart has been hardened that you will allow HIM to take you back to the moment that it began to harden, and let HIM reveal to you that your story is your faith.  

Blessings,
Heather 

"not my plan"

When I think back to my childhood, I can say that I never was a "dreamer."  I wasn't a little girl who dreamed of her wedding day, or who dreamed of becoming a mother.  However, as I have already told you in my previous writings GOD'S plan was for me to be married, and to be a Mama before I was barely out of my teens.  

It was "not my plan," to meet my soul-mate at the tender age of sixteen.  When I met D, my world was falling apart, and as one door was opening, another was closing.   When we started dating I never would have imagined what twists and turns my life would take and how our love story would be begin.

D and my first date was him picking me up at my house.  I remember getting ready for our date, carefully choosing what to wear.  I remember anxiously waiting for him to pull up in my driveway, and whisk me away from all that was wrong in my life.   I remember walking across the street to tell my dad that I was going on a date with D, and him giving me the approval (which this in itself was a miracle, as I was NEVER allowed to do much of anything)  I remember running back over and sitting on the back steps as D pulled into the driveway.  He got out of his car, and smiled at me, asked me if I was ready to go, and said that he had a surprise planned for me.

As we were driving we began talking about our day, and I found myself just wanting to listen to him talk, as his life had to be so much better than my own.  I now know that I was afraid of revealing too much of myself then to him, as I probably would have scared him away.  When we arrived at our "planned" destination D quickly realized that he had forgotten one important thing, and therefore his plans began to unravel.

However, when D's plans failed, GOD took over, and so began our love story.  I remember riding in D's car that day, talking, laughing, and sharing stories for hours.  While our first date wasn't D's plans, it was however GOD'S plan.  

Over the years, D and my plan's have fallen apart.  Only to be outdone by HIS plans.  I can't begin to recall how many times I have felt that circumstances in my life were "not my plan," however they were HIS plans. This past month has been no exception as to the lengths that GOD will go to, to show me that even though it is "not my plan," HIS plan for my life is far greater than anything I could possibly imagine.

As D and I began house hunting three weeks ago, we fell in love with the third house we viewed.  I quickly pictured our family in it.  I knew who would get what room.  I envisioned myself baking in the kitchen, and our family dinners and Christmas.  I could see my children playing in the backyard, and D grilling out on the patio.  As I walked through the house, I felt like I was "home."  As we walked into the backyard, emotions over took me, and I began to cry.  I raised my hands high into the air and I began to pray for GOD to bless us with this house, and to bless our children in their new schools.  I prayed for our next chapter, and our new journey.  However, I failed to remember one important detail, one of which I am sure I will forget again, and that is, "not my plan" is what HE is all about! 

As we drove away from what I felt was to be our "home." I cried, and prayed, and practically begged GOD to let us have it.  GOD quickly let me know that my plans were not HIS plans, and as my Soul-Sister K and I like to say, "I needed to stop trying to steer the ship."  

A week and half later GOD'S plans were revealed to me, and that was what I "thought" was to be our next home, was not even close to what HE had planned for us.  In fact it would be three weeks later, and more tests of my faith before HE would reveal to me what our next home would be.

Never would I have ever imagined that we would end up almost exactly where we were living eight years ago.  Eight long, grueling, storm filled, heartache, life changing years.  Eight years ago, D and I were chasing "The American Dream." We were so wrapped up in our own plans, that we failed to remember that our lives were based on HIS plans, and not ours.

Eight years ago, our family dynamic was forever changed, as our world was rocked by tradgedy.  I am so thankful that even though we went through something that no one should ever have to endure, HIS plans for our lives outweighed the bad things that had happened to us.  I am so thankful that even though it was "not my plan," to have my faith tested and stretched in the way that it was, GOD knew what was best for me, and HIS plans would mold me and shape me into the woman of CHRIST that I am today.

Eight years ago, D and I began a journey of hope, forgiveness, love, courage, freedom, and restoration.  It was the start of our lives being turned upside down, and though Satan "tried" his best to destroy us, it only made us stronger.

D and I have been through so much together in the 18 years of life that we  have shared.  We will be celebrating 15 years of marriage next month, and next weekend we will be moving for the 18th time in our 18 years of being together.  

This move however, is different from anyone move we have ever made as, it was all through our faith.  Blind faith to be exact.  Never before in my life had I gone out on "blind faith" and trusted GOD with every single detail of my life.  Never before had I surrendered so hard and fell so violently to my knees in brokenness and cried out daily to my SAVIOR to please, teach, lead, and guide me how to live my life, as it was "not my plan" to struggle, and to let go.... and let GOD.  

The past few months I have learned more about HIS plans for my life, than I have in my 10 year journey of walking with HIM.  HIS Daily Teaching today was revealed to me today through the very first chapter of Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to See."  The title of the chapter was "not my plan."  

As I read what "not my plan," meant for Mary, I began to think about what it meant for me.  I know that it was "not my plan," to be a Mama of one much less five.  However, I am a Mama to five amazing children, and I wouldn't change anything.  I would trade my life for anything else in this world.  I am thankful to have been chosen to be called Mama by five of my greatest blessings.  I am so thankful to be D's wife, and to have him lead our family, and provide for our family so selflessly.  I am so thankful that for eight long years D's sacrifices to our family taught him and I about obedience and what it truly means to do all things for HIS glory and not ours.

Today I am thankful that even though it was "not my plan," to uproot our family, and have to start-over, HIS plans for us are to prosper us, and to give us hope and a future.  I am thankful for HIS many blessings that HE has poured over our family.  I am thankful that I can share with confidence and boldly declare who HE is and what HE has done in our lives.  I am thankful that my life is a living testament of HIS goodness, and HIS mercy.  I am thankful that even when I mess up, and fall on my face, HE is there waiting to rescue me, and for me to surrender.  Today I am so thankful that I am NOT in control of my life.  Today I am thankful that HIS plans for my life have taken me further than I could have ever imagined.

I pray today that if you are struggling with GOD not following your "plans," that you will surrender and allow HIM to reveal HIS plans to you.   I pray today that your life will be a living testament for others to see the great blessings that come from your obedience in choosing to follow HIS plans for your life.  I pray today that you will surrender and fall to your knees, and let go..... and let GOD teach, lead, and guide you how to live your life today.  I pray today through your obedience that HIS favor and blessings will be poured over your life.

Blessings,
Heather 

"Hope"

This past Saturday morning, I woke up hearing, "hope."  D and I were getting ready to drive up to the suburbs to see a house that GOD had placed in front of us.  When we got there, I was unsure, I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I felt confident in my faith that HE was going to answer yet another one of my bold prayers.  I was confident that HE would answer because after all, HE had already answered two out of three of my bold prayers.  This house was my final prayer from this past January.

In January it became very apparent to D and I that we desired a bigger home.  Not for just our family, but so that our home could be a place of fellowship and worship.  We wanted our home to be a place for people to come and receive JESUS' touch.  We wanted our home to be a place where they could find comfort, and peace.

For the past seven months D and I have been leaders of an amazing e-group (small group.)  It has been through this group that D and I have realized that we are called to the ministry of marriage.  When our group first started out we only had single mom's, and mom's who were soon to be single.  D and I were confused, but we trusted GOD and knew that HIS plans were far greater than ours.  Week after week, HE asked us to speak HIS truth in love to these amazing women.  D and I have learned so much through our time as leaders with this amazing group.

Throughout the past seven months I have realized that hospitality is very important to me.  I have realized that its not what you have in your home, its WHO you have in your home.  I never would have imagined just how quickly GOD would answer my prayers.  I am in awe of the love that HE has for us, and I am so thankful for the hope that HE gives us.

As I walked through the house this past Saturday, I began to envision our family living there.  I knew who would get which room, and just exactly where the furniture would go.  I envisioned D playing in the yard with our children, and my girls and I baking in the kitchen.  It felt like home to me, and I was sure that this was the home for us.

All throughout that day I kept hearing the word "hope."  As we left the house, the realtor said to us we will let you know on Monday what the owner decides.  On Sunday we served at church, and people began asking if we had found a house yet, and I was positive that we did.  However, I said, tomorrow we will know.  Please pray.

Monday afternoon rolled around and we had heard nothing.  So I text the realtor, and asked if they had made a decision.  Within ten minutes I received an email stating that the house was under contract.  The house had been rented out by someone who was able to pay a full years worth of rent up front.  Not only that they were able to pay even more than we could afford.  Soon after I received that email, I got the dreaded phone call.

As he spoke my eyes began to well up with tears, and a huge knot began to lodge itself in my throat.  I swallowed hard, and tried my best to make sense of what he was saying.   To say D and I were crushed would be an understatement.  The truth is, we were terrified.  Terrified, as we were only two weeks away from being homeless.  Our family was separated, and I was falling apart at the seams.

Still through all the craziness I kept hearing the word "hope."  Honestly, "hope" was the furthest thing from what I was feeling.  Fear was creeping in, and tears were falling non-stop.  My  head was hurting, and my eyes were burning, and my chest was pounding.  Again I was having another panic attack.   D had left just prior to the phone call, and said, "don't worry GOD'S got this!"  I knew he was scared too, but one of us had to keep it together.

Yesterday morning, I woke up hearing the word "hope."  By this time I began to say out loud, "show me GOD show me why I have hope."  I felt discouraged, and was rapidly losing hope that we would find a home.  However, HE quickly captured my heart once again, and began to change my heart, and reminded me of all the times that HE had been there for me.  HE reminded me of all the storms that HE had carried us through, and reminded me that HE loved me far too much to ever let me go.

I began my daily routine of taking care of my boys, and found myself sitting in front of my computer.  However, I knew I couldn't blog, as HE wasn't finished with me yet.  I knew something BIG was about to happen, only I didn't know how BIG it would be.

At 9:30 a.m. my phone rang.... it was the realtor to the house D and I had seen on Saturday.  He was calling to find out if D and I had found a house yet, and if we hadn't would be still be interested in that one.  Word's escaped me, and I barely got out the words, "yes."  I text D right after our conversation, and he text back, "is this for real?"

Last night at 8:30 p.m. I received a text from D that he had signed the lease, and the payment was made.  The house is ours!!!!  Today I woke up hearing the word "hope."  Today I could finally write about just what HIS hope means to me.

I have learned that if all I ever have is my "hope" in HIM, then I will have everything I need.  HE is teaching me that is through my "hope" for HIM that HE can, will, and does everything HE says HE will do, that I am able to grow in my faith.  I have learned that even when it feels like all hope is lost, HE is there, HE is waiting, and HE is ready to bless me beyond all measure.

HIS Daily Teachings today was to have me write about what HIS words in Jeremiah have meant in my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Today I am finding myself so thankful, and grateful that HIS plans are far greater than I could have ever imagined.  Today I am overwhelmed by HIS love for me.  Today I am honored to serve HIM, and to speak HIS truth, and to love just as HE loves.  Today I am thankful to have had my heart captured up once again by my SAVIOR JESUS.  Today I am thankful that it is when I am falling apart at the seams, that HE is there, holding me up, and filling me up with HIS "hope."

I pray today that my journey of "hope" will be a living testament for you, so that you will know just what it means to have "hope."  I pray today that if you too have found yourself feeling "hopeless" that you will allow HIM to transform and renew your heart, and mind and be filled with HIS hope and HIS promise.  I pray today that you will surrender, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide you throughout your day.  I pray today that you will be filled with the "hope" that can only come from HIM.

Blessings,
Heather

"drown my sorrows"

Yesterday I began the grueling task of packing up our home.  As I filled each of the boxes fear and sadness over took my heart and mind.  Fear as D and I haven't a clue as to where we are going to live as of yet.  Fear as D starts his new job on Monday, therefore the children and I are going to be here without him.  Fear as I will have to do the packing by myself, and maintain the household, and be both Mama and Daddy.  

Sadness as D is home to us, he is what makes our house a home.  D brings such an amazing balance to our family.  He is much more level headed than I am.  Sadness as I will be sleeping alone, which I hate, and never do well.  Sadness as I won't be able to "hear" if one of the children cry out.  Sadness as it is all hitting me like a ton of bricks just how much I rely on D, and how I am going to be doing this alone for at least two weeks.  

With all of this sadness and fear running through me, the one thing I knew I could turn to was food.  Sadly I didn't "think" to turn to HIM.  No, I turned to food, I began to "drown my sorrows" in food.  I have been eating when I am stressed.  I have been eating when I am bored.  I have been eating when I am angry.  HIS Daily Teachings today was to let me know that HE is my source of strength, comfort, and HE is the only one who can bring me pure joy.  Today I must turn to HIM, and "stand up" to the fear and sadness that is attacking me, and speak HIS truth to it. 

GOD is wanting me to know today what food isn't for.  I am thankful to hear this as once again I am spiraling out of control.  Once again, I have push my health to the back burner of my life.  Once again, HE is rescuing me, and saving me from my self-destruction.

In my current read it is clearly written what food is NOT for:

Food is NOT for drowning my sorrows ~ 

"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted." Isaiah 53:4

HE is wanting me to know that HE is the one who carries my sorrows.  HE is the one who will go to the source of my ache and bring healing and speak HIS truth.  When I am confused and in pain, HE will bring me to freedom and clarity in the situation that I am in.  All I have to do is ask HIM, and HE can, HE will, and HE does, every single time.  I must seek HIM to lift me from my sorrows, and not "drown my sorrows" in food.  Today HE is wanting me to know that rather than trying to "drown my sorrows" in food, I should try fasting, and praying.  I must seek HIM to help me through the sorrows of my life.  I must seek HIM and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my day.

Food is NOT an outlet for anger ~

"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil." Psalm 37:8

HE is letting me know that by choosing to eat when I am angry only feeds my inability to practice self-restraint when I find myself in difficult situations.   HE is wanting me to know that when I am angry I must get away from my kitchen, so that my mind will be taken off of food, and be put on HIM.  I am learning that instead of reaching for that bag of chips, or tub of ice cream, I must say no to myself, and YES to HIM!  I am learning that I am saying YES by walking away from kitchen, and getting outside, and going for a walk.  It has been through my walks that I have had my most memorable moments with my SAVIOR.  I must seek HIM to calm my anger, and allow HIM to restore and renew my heart, soul, and mind.

Food is NOT a cure for boredom ~ 

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:12

HE is wanting me to know that it is especially important that when find myself bored, that I must seek HIM.  I am learning that I am easily entertained, and will allow my mind and heart to be filled with Satan's useless garbage for my life.  Therefore, I must seek HIM, and allow HIM to teach me, and fill me with HIS word, and HIS truth.  I must not look for the "cheap fix" and instead meditate on HIS Daily Teachings for my life.  I believe that HE is wanting me to know that HIS Daily Teachings, wasn't just to reach the broken and the lost, but rather to hold me accountable to what I am writing about.  HE is wanting me to know that HE will continue to seek me daily, therefore I must be ready, and I can't be ready for HIM, if I am being filled by anything less than what HE is wanting to nourish me with.

Food is not only meant to fuel me, but it for my enjoyment too ~ 

"Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Today HE is wanting me to know that it is okay to celebrate with food.  HE is wanting me to know that it is okay to celebrate every once in a while.  I must not make it a daily thing.  I must not put so much emphasis on the food I am going to consume, rather how I am going to be be spiritually fed, so that I can be spiritually lead.   I am learning that if I don't allow myself to be fueled by HIM, I will turn to the wrong things to bring me fulfillment, and in the end all I do find is heartache, tears, and ten extra pounds.


So today instead of reaching for the chips, and the leftover snacks from our vacation, I will reach for HIM.  I will seek HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single obstacle that I face today.  Today when I find myself be overcome by emotion, I will seek HIM, as HE is my refuge, and my strength.  Today when my life's uncertainty and anxiety start to rise, I will stand up against the currant that is trying to take me way from HIM.  I will stand firmly on HIS word, and HIS truth for my life.  Today I will mediate once again on my life verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I pray today that you won't "drown your sorrows" in food, but rather that you will seek HIM to nourish your every need.   I pray that you will know that HE is your source of comfort and strength. I pray today that HE will reveal HIMSELF to you and show you HIS plans for your life.  I pray today that you will stand up against the currant that is taking you away from HIM.  I pray today for you to have the courage to speak boldly HIS word, and HIS truth for your life.

Blessings,
Heather 

what matters the most....

This morning I woke up with a heavy heart.  I woke up feeling as if though I was to type out some sort of tribute to all the families, and friends who were affected by 9-11-01.   When the truth of the matter is that we were all affected in some way.  Maybe not right away for some of us, but eventually it would hit home in ways that we cannot comprehend.

HIS Daily Teachings this morning is to remind me about what truly matters the most.  From the many stories that were told of the brave lives that were lost in the terrorist attacks on 9-11-01 there was one common theme: What Matters the Most.  In each of the stories, the people who perished lived lives filled with integrity, honor, and dignity.  Lives that left amazing legacies for their families.  Today GOD revealed to me that in order to truly leave a loving, and lasting legacy for my family I must understand what truly matters the most.

This morning as I began to think about all the things I needed to complete today, GOD reminded me that first and foremost what matters the most is that I am Mama.  This means that even though I am cleaning my house, and packing, I must set aside time for my boys and take them outside to play.  I must hold my littlest son in my arms as he drinks his bottle.  I must get on the floor and play cars and trucks with my other son.  I must take time to sit, and read books to them.  Today I am learning that I must do all of those things, as my time with my two little boys is so fleeting.  I was reminded of that last night as my oldest daughter came through the door with her homecoming dress in her hands.  All too quickly she grew up, and sadly I didn't realize soon enough what truly matters the most.  Today I am heeding HIS "whisper" and I am going to STOP doing what I think matters, and DO what HE is telling what matters the most.

One area where I fall into the trap of losing sight of what matters most, is my need to impress.  GOD is placing it heavy on my heart, that this life is truly NOT about me.  It is about HIS good works that HE wants to complete through me.  It is about bringing HIS kingdom of Heaven here to earth.  It is about letting go of my incessant need to "appear" to have it all together.  Rather it is about blessing others.  Being a blessing to others.  Seeking HIM daily and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my day, so that it will be all for HIS glory and NOT mine!

Today I am letting go of my incessant "need" to please people.  Today I am going to do what HE calls me to do.  Today what matters the most is that I do what HE wants me to do, and NOT what other's want me to do.  Today I am going to keep one ear open to Heaven so that I will be able to hear HIS "whispers" about what matters the most.

Today I am letting go of my insecurities of feeling unqualified to walk the path that HE has chosen for me. Today I am going to meditate on this: "GOD doesn't call the equipped, HE equips the called!"  Today I am going to lean on HIM for HIS understanding, and allow HIM to lead me so that I will be able to truly understand that it is HIS purpose for my life that matters the most.  Today I am saying YES to GOD no matter what I may feel, or what other's may "think."  Today I will let go of my incessant "need" to be liked.  I will seek HIM and be comforted by what HE says about me.

Today I am putting my relationship with HIM first.  I am seeking HIM, and HIS will for my life.  Today I am boldly declaring that HE is my number #1, and that there is no one about HIM in my life.  Today I am protected my special time with my SAVIOR, and putting my foot down and NOT allowing our time to be disrupted.  Today I woke up almost two hours earlier than my family so that I could receive HIS Daily Teaching for my life today.

Today I am putting my health as one of my top priorities.  I am choosing my health once again, as I have learned that when I don't take care of Mama, I cannot take care of anyone else.  I have learned that when I don't exercise at least 3 times a week, I become sick, and sleepy all of the time.  I have learned that when I choose to not put my health first,GOD can't and won't use me to my full potential until I start making my health a priority.  Today I am choosing to see what matters the most in taking care of ME.

Another area where I struggle is extending grace when I am interrupted, in what I "feel" is important.  For example, when I am typing my blog I need there to be total peace and quiet.  I am very selfish when it comes to my "me time."  I also struggle with extending grace when my workout time is interrupted by one of my children.  I become upset, and soon lost focus.  Today I am going to do what matters the most, and if one of my children, or friends needs a hug, or a prayer, I am not going to "lose it," rather I am going to see it as an amazing opportunity to spread GOD'S love and grace all around me.  Today I am learning what matters the most is NOT what I "think," but rather what HE knows!

A while ago GOD let me know that HE wanted me to start viewing each day as a gift.  HE wanted me to start to see things as HIS creation, and HIS gift to me.  I have never been an outdoorsy person, so naturally I don't really enjoy being in the sun, or with bugs, or dirt, or anything that is unclean.  In the past I have cringed as my children have gotten dirty and "ruined" their clothes.  Today I am learning that being out in HIS creation, and truly living in it, is what matters the most.  Today I am letting go of my incessant "need" to control everything, and view each day as a gift, not another something that I need to manage.

Today I am seeking HIS provision for my life.  The uncertainty is looming heavily on our family, and I will admit has been frightening at times.  I know that GOD is going to show up in  BIG way for us, but the waiting has been really hard for me.  I know that my children are watching me, and waiting to see how Mama handles herself in the valley she is in.  Today I am letting go of my "need" to control, and I will practice patience while waiting for HIM.  Today HE is revealing to me what matters the most is NOT what I know, but rather what HIS plans are for my life.  Once again HE is asking me to meditate on Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Today I am NOT going to let myself get so "wrapped up" in the busyness that is my life.  Today I am going to stop and seek HIM in everything I do.  Today I am going to put on my "listening ears," and heed HIS "whispers" as to what truly matters the most in my life.  Today I am seeking HIM and asking HIM to use me as a vessel to be the hands and feet of JESUS.

Today I am NOT going to rush anyone, myself included!  I am always in a hurry, and today HE is revealing to me that it doesn't matter when I get there, what matter's is how I get there.  HE is letting me know that if I arrived at my destination by belittling, and yelling, cursing, and anything less than GOD honoring, then I have totally missed out on what HIS purpose was for the direction that HE is taking me.  Today I am learning that it's not about how fast I get there, its about doing what matter the most to HIM, and bringing praise, honor, and glory to HIS mighty and just name!

In January GOD began to work on me and let me know that while HE knew I was comfortable in my surroundings, HE was ready to take me even further in my walk with HIM.  HE placed it very heavy on D and my heart that we were to lead our own small group at our church.  HE let me know that HE wasn't really seeking to keep me comfortable, but rather seeking to keep me fully relied on HIM.  Today HE is reminding me once again, that HE is never seeking to keep me comfortable, but is rather more interested in stretching and growing my faith in HIM.  Today I am learning that HIS plans for my life are what truly matters the most!

Three and half months ago my pastor at church began to preach about being teachable.  At the time I didn't fully understand what that meant, however I felt as if though HIS HOLY SPIRIT was speaking through him, in telling me that I needed to be more teachable.  GOD let me know that HE couldn't use me in a BIG way until I surrendered and let HIM teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my life.  Today HE has reminded me once again that being teachable by HIM is what matters the most.

If you know me personally you know that I am NOT a person that adapts well to quick change.  For example, I worked hard on my home yesterday, unpacking, laundry, dishes, cleaning, and even found time to make a very nice dinner.  At around 2:30 p.m. I received a phone call from our Landlord asking if he could possibly show our house at 5:30 p.m.  Not wanting to displease him, I agreed, and quickly set about the task of "staging" our house.   Which of course is no easy feat with five children, and with just three hours notice.  While I didn't fall apart in the worst way, I did start to unravel.  Today HE is reminding me that I must be flexible in order to adapt to quick change.  HE has let me know that everything that happens in my life is for HIS purpose.  I must trust and understand that though I may "feel" inconvenienced, I must seek HIM to reveal to me what matters most in those moments.

As I started to unravel at the very thought of "staging" our home, it hit me, I am "staging" our home, when we don't even have a home to move into in less than three weeks.  Before I realized it, I began to sob, "why GOD why are you making us wait?"  The fear of the unknown has been overwhelming powerful on my life.  Today HE is letting me know that I must choose self control and NOT allow myself to unravel when things are not going "my way."  Today HE is teaching me the importance of remaining faithful in my uncertainty, by NOT allowing myself to unravel.  Today HE has revealed to me what matters the most is that I practice self-control when I enter uncharted waters.

This next subject is tough for me to talk about, and worse to admit.  Being a gossip and allowing gossip in my heart is something I struggle with.  I like most other people enjoy juicy gossip.  However, HE has revealed to me this morning that I must not fall into the trap of being a gossip.  I must rebuke it and speak HIS truth.  I must resist the urge to join in, or bring to the conversation gossip.  I must understand that HIS truth is what matters the most.

Today I am learning that in order to live a life based on what truly matters the most, I must seek HIS peace.  A peace that surpasses anything of this world.  I must allow HIS peace to fill my heart in my times of uncertainty, and I must meditate on HIS truth and HIS word!

Today GOD has revealed to me that HE wants me to see people how HE sees them.  HE has let me know that it is especially when HE brings difficult people into my life, it is NOT to punish me, but rather to teach me.  Lessons of humility, love, and grace, forgiveness, and hope are what HE is seeking daily for my life.  I must choose to trust HIM, and understand, that though I may not understand fully what it is that HE is trying to teach me, I must trust HIM that HIS plans for my life are what matters the most!

Today I am clinging to my faith in HIM.  Today I am going to be filled with HIS hope so that when I feel myself start to slip, I will know that HE is there with me, carrying me through the uncharted waters.  Today I am seeking HIM to reveal HIS love for me, and asking HIM to create in me a heart full of HIS love so that I will be able to love others just as HE loves them.  Today I am asking HIM to renew and refine my heart to match HIS.  A heart that is filled with faith, hope, and love.

I pray today that you seek the one who knows what truly matters the most.  I pray today that victory will be brought to your life through your obedience in seeking HIM daily.  I pray today that the balance you long for will be given to you when you seek HIM to teach, lead, and guide you through every single moment of your day. I pray today that you will know that living your life for HIM is what truly matters the most.

Blessings,
Heather

"wrapped up"

So, as you can probably already tell, I have been busy.  First with the news from my husband that he has taken a new job, and we are moving in less than 3 weeks.  Second, in the midst of that exciting news we were getting ready to leave for our family vacation to Gatlinburg, TN.  Third our computer has been on the fritz so I haven't been able to type out my blog.  However, I have been able to do my bible study everyday, but even as I have been able to, I haven't done one for the past six days.

This morning, I could feel HIM urging me to get out of my nice comfy bed, Oh did I mention that we got home at 11:15pm last night, and I didn't get to bed till almost midnight?!? So naturally when I sensed HIM urging me, I "tried" to pretend I didn't hear HIM, and stayed adamant that indeed I was NOT going to get out of bed.  However, as always HE had a different plan for me, to which brings me to HIS Daily Teachings for today.

In the past week I have become so "wrapped up" in the things I "think" I can control, that I have lost sight of HIM, and HIS magnificence that HE is in my life.  I have overlooked one important thing, hmmm, indeed I am NOT in control!  Not by a long shot.... I shudder to think of how foolish I have become in my thinking that I needed to get a handle on everything.  It pains me to know how much time I have wasted worrying, and fretting about things beyond my control.  HE is telling me today, that rather than worrying and fretting, HE wants me to ask for prayer.  So, because I have allowed myself to get so "wrapped up" in my life's circumstances that are beyond my control, I have made a mess of things once again.  

Today I am asking for prayers for a peaceful transition for D for his job.  I ask for prayers for me to NOT worry, but TRUST that HE has it all under HIS control and not mine.  I ask for prayers for peace for my children, as we do not currently know where we will be living in less than 3 weeks.  I ask for prayers for peace for me, so that I can complete the tasks at hand and not feel so overwhelmed.

Today HE is reminding me once again, that HE will provide my every need!  Therefore, I must stay faithful, and believe HE is who HE says HE is!  I must believe HE will do what HE says HE will do!  I must trust HIM!   I must honor HIM with the work of my hands.  I must remember the needs of others, and keep my mind off of myself, and all of my "needs."  I must do what HE calls me to do, no matter how I may "feel!"  I must be strong and courageous, as HE is my source of strength, and through HIM I will find the courage I need to face every obstacle in my life!  I must work hard, and NOT slack off!  HE is telling me that it is through my obedience that HE will pour HIS favor and blessings over my life, and my families life.  I must do HIS good works HE has placed in my heart, and when I do I know that HE can, will, and does prosper me!  I must meditate on this verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I must speak boldly of HIS goodness, and share HIS message of truth, hope, love, grace, and forgiveness.  I must seek HIM to give me the balance that I am needing when my life's circumstances are beyond my control.  This morning HE is wanting me to realize that every single time life throws me a curve ball, I spiral out of control.  I always view my problems as bigger than HIM.  Today HE is asking me to trust HIM, that HE is GOD, and HE is good, and HE will meet and provide for all of my needs with HIS abundance!  Today HE is asking me to get "wrapped up" in HIM so that I will remain balanced, and not find myself running on empty.

"As long as you live, you will be receiving nourishment, responding to what's been deposited in you, and resting from your labors (both physically and spiritually)" Susie Larson "Balance That Works When Life Doesn't"

I must remember that though I may not be able to control what is happening to me,  I can be at peace knowing that HE is in control.  Today HE is letting me know that I need to shift my focus off of myself and all the things I need to do.  I must not allow myself to become too busy to spend time with HIM.  HE is letting me know that HE would only sustain for only so long before HE would allow me to self-destruct.  This very statement, leads me to my downfall, and the start of my latest mess that I have found myself in.

While traveling with our five children, and NOT putting HIM first in my day, and NOT journaling, and NOT blogging, well to put it mildly I have fallen apart.  In every area.  I have learned this past six days, that I can't just pray and talk to HIM, I must seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my day.   

At around 3pm yesterday afternoon D, and I decided that we would stop and eat a late lunch, early dinner with our children.  Upon arriving to the restaurant, as we were getting the children out of car seats, and seat belts, I noticed that the diaper bag for our youngest was dumped upside down.  None of the contents could be seen, and so I began the unfortunate task of shifting through the piles of stuff thrown on the floor by our children.  Candy wrappers, food wrappers, kleenex, garbage, toys, books, shoes, socks, blankets, pillows.... you name it, it was there... oh not too mention food... sticky, gross, what in the world is this substance   Hmm, well I think I have painted a good enough mental picture for you.  Back to trying to restock diaper bag, I could feel myself starting to "lose it."  I could feel the tension rising up in me, and I could feel myself ready to explode.  

It was no surprise that the moment my oldest started talking to me, and said, "Mama I'm trying to help you, calm down, don't be so angry," well I "lost it,"  Before I could even stop it the words came flying out of my mouth.  I said something that was so horrible to her, and damaging to her spirit, and our relationship.  Oh how quickly I wanted to eat those words.  Once, again I had failed on every level as a Mama to extend grace to my children, and to heed HIS warnings that HE has sent to me.

When we were seated at our table, I purposely did NOT sit by her.  After all, didn't she know better not to mess with me?  I sat there playing the excuses over and over in my head in my pathetic "need" to justify myself.  However, GOD had much bigger plans for me, to my horror, HE allowed me to feel the magnitude of my mistake, and my dishonoring not only to HIM, but to my daughter.  As I sat there, I put my head in my hands, and slowly the tears began to fall.  When I realized it was going to be much more than just a few tears, and a HUGE waterfall, I quickly got up from my chair and headed straight to the bathroom.  

Locked safely away from little eyes, I fell hard into HIS arms.  I cried my heart out.  I cried all my frustration, my worry, my anger, my strife, everything.  I would like to say that after my cry I felt better, however that was not to be the case.  I would be eight long hours after that before we would arrive home, and by then I was so utterly and completely done with everyone, including me.  

I went to bed, and didn't pray.  I went to bed exhausted, and feeling like a failure.  I went to bed feeling defeated.  Thankfully HIS plans for met this morning were much better than me sitting around wallowing in self-pity.  NO, HIS plans were for me to get into HIS word and to meditate on HIS word.  

So today, I am going to face my tasks at hand with honor and integrity.  With joy, and gladness that I have been chosen to live this life that I have been blessed with.   Today I am going to take the time to play with my little boys.  Today I am going to get so "wrapped up" in HIS love and grace, that I will feel balanced in the busyness that is my life.

I pray today that you will get yourself "wrapped up" in HIM and HIS plans for your life.  I pray today that you will seek the one who loves and knows you best.  I pray today that you will let going of your worries, and stress, and let HIM teach, lead, and guide you every single moment of your day.

Blessings,
Heather 

"Rockstars"

In my journey towards wholeness GOD has placed people in my life who I consider to be "Rockstars." Now the very fact that I "view" them as such, intimidates me.  Not really sure what I am talking about?  Well let me break it down for you.   My definition of  "Rockstar" is someone who "appears" to have it all together. They "appear" to have balance in their lives. Not only do they "look" like a million bucks, but their attitudes match, or so I "think."  Thankfully my distorted definition was quickly crumbled by HIS truth, and so began today's HIS Daily Teachings.

GOD has really been working on my heart about letting go of my incessant need to compare myself to someone who I "think" is a "Rockstar"  HE has let me know that I am unique, and there has never been nor will there ever be anyone who is just like me.  HE has let me know that there isn't nor will there ever be anyone whose life is just like mine.  HE wants me to know that HE created me specifically for HIS purpose, therefore, I must seek HIM earnestly, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my life.  I must surrender, and allow HIM to "balance" out my life so that I will have true inner peace.

I am learning that all that matters at the end of the day is that everything I say and do is good and pleasing to HIM.  

"For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." 2 Corinthians 2:15

Today I am learning that GOD doesn't want me to simply "appear" to have it all together.  HE wants me to shift my focus onto HIM, and allow HIM to fill me with HIS peace.  Today HE has let me know that HE created me to surrender to HIM.  HE created me to long for HIM, and to want to seek HIM every day of my life.  I am learning that through each storm I go through, HE has already been there.  HE knows the outcome, and knows how I am going to react.  HE is asking me to seek HIM in every area of my life, and let go.... and let HIM take over.  HE is telling me when I surrender HE can, will, and does fill me with HIS wonderful love, grace, and peace.

HE has revealed to me this morning that the reason I work so hard on perfecting my appearance, is because while I can't control much in my life, my outer appearance is something I can.  HE has shown me that while I am working so hard on "perfecting" my appearance, inside I am one "hot mess."

I am so thankful that my SAVIOR sees the "hot mess" that I am and doesn't allow me to stay that way for very long.  I am thankful that HE seeks me daily and ask me to let go.... and let HIM take over.  I am thankful that HE knows me and loves me best, therefore I must trust that HIS way is so much better than "my way."

GOD has let me know this morning that when I seek HIM for balance in my life, not only will I "look" more put together, but I will be able to maintain my life and actually have more of the areas of my life together.  I am learning that this is my "heart's cry."  I no longer want to just be one "hot mess" all of the time.  I want to have balance in my life.  I have been praying for and seeking balance for quite some time in my life now.  

Being a mama of five children and wife to D, makes it hard for me to maintain a "balance" in my life.  There are several mom's in my life who I "think" are "rockstars."  I used to go to a women's group and there was a whole group of women who I "thought" were "rockstars."  I remember not ever talking to them, but just staring at them, taking it all in, from their clothes, to their hair, to their smiles, makeup, what kind of purse they carried.  Wow, I mean they just had it all together.  Even the way they spoke, and their ability to smile, and laugh even though things may not have been necessarily good in their lives.  I remember leaving that group every week "wishing" that I could be more like them.

Since then GOD has placed quite a few women in my life who are true "Rockstars."  I know that they are true "Rockstars," because they don't sugar coat anything.  They have allowed me to see the "hot mess" that they are inside too.  They are real, and authentic, and totally unique.  I am thankful to be blessed by the "Rockstars" in my life, who keep me balanced in my "thinking."  I am thankful that the "Rockstars" in my life keep me accountable to what GOD'S best is for my life.

GOD has lovingly reminded me once again that to be a true "Rockstar" I must surrender all of me to HIM.  I must seek HIM.   I must find my identity in HIM.  I must let HIM reveal my self-worth.  I must see myself through HIS eyes.  I must let go of my incessant need to "appear" put together.  I must allow myself to be humbled, as it is when I fall apart, that I find HIM.  As my Pastor has been saying for quite sometime, you will find out who you are, when you know WHOSE you are.  

Today I am thankful that identity can only be found in HIM.  I am thankful that HE is the only one who knows the plans for my life.  Today HE wants me to understand what balance isn't, through my current read titled: "Balance that Works When Life Doesn't." by Susie Larson

"Balance is not.... a perfectly managed schedule."

GOD has reminded me once again that HE calls me to love HIM, and love people.  HE has let me know that my true purpose is to serve HIM and others.  HE doesn't want me to manage every area of my life, rather HE wants me to keep my eyes and ears focused on HIM in what HE is saying to me.  HE doesn't want me to master my schedule for my life.  HE has let me know that the more I "try" to manage the schedule for my life, the more I will miss out on the people HE has place in my life for HIS purpose.  HE has let me know that when I keep my focus on maintaining my "appearance," I miss out on the amazing opportunities  HE wants to use me to carry out HIS blessings for others.

"True balance has a flexibility and adaptability to it."

"True balance makes the plan, but allows the LORD to determine the steps."

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9

GOD has let me know that when I let go of my "needing" to control my life, and seek HIM earnestly.  HE can, will, and does provide the balance that I need for my life.  HE has proven time and again to me that HIS plans for my life, are far greater than I could possibly imagine.  HE doesn't want me to "feel" unbalanced in any area of my life.  HE wants to free me from my feelings of being frustrated, angry, anxious, and frantic.  Therefore, I must surrender all of me, and let HIM take over.  I must allow HIS truth to reveal the "Rockstar" in me.

"Balance is not..... a life free on conflict and difficulty."

I am learning that being a Christian often  is misinterpreted as being a life "free" of hurt.  As surely GOD doesn't want to hurt us, so why do bad things happen?  Today GOD'S truth was revealed to me, that it is when I am taken through the storms of my life, and letting HIM lead my steps HE will strengthen my faith, love, hope, and most importantly trust for HIM.  

GOD has let me know that HE has absolutely NO interest in making me a "peace keeper."  HE doesn't want me to just let things go.  HE wants me to speak HIS truth to the lies that try to creep into my life.  HE wants me to stand boldly on the solid rock of HIS truth, and speak it with courage and conviction. Today HE has let me know that while HE doesn't want me to be a "peace keeper,"  HE does in fact want me to be a "peace maker."  Meaning HE doesn't want me to hold onto the "need" for revenge for those who have hurt me.  HE wants me to let go..... and let HIM lead me every single moment of my life.

Today HE wants me to know that HE doesn't want me to feel discouraged by the "Rockstars" in my life.  HE wants me to feel encouraged that HE is leading me, and HE has a plan for every single step in my life.  HE has let me know that when I seek HIM, I will find HIM.  HE has let me know that it is HIM that I will find my true inner peace.

Today I am thankful that HE is the true "Rockstar" in my life, as no one else has done the things that HE has done.  I am thankful to know that HE is the only  one to conquer the grave.  HE is the only one who never sinned.  HE knows me and loves me best, and wants to put all of HIS "Rockstar" qualities into my life.

I pray today that if you are feeling discouraged by the "Rockstars" in your life, you will see that HE is the true "Rockstar."  I pray today that you will surrender and let HIM lead you to the steps that HE has planned for your journey towards wholeness.  I pray today that you will seek HIM earnestly for balance in your life, that will fill you with true inner peace.  I pray today that HIS favor and blessings will be poured over your life through your obedience and discipline in letting go.... and letting GOD.

Blessings,
Heather