mirror

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Colossians 3:12-14

I always have the best day whenever I spend it in HIS word.  When I don't have to converse with people, or leave my house   Then it never fails, life calls, and I have to leave my home, my office, and I have to do life with people.  And, well lately its become very peoplely out there.  I'm not even sure if that is even a word, but I do know this, HE wants me to strike it from my vocabulary.  As HE is wanting me to not only read HIS word, HE wants me to meditate on it, and allow HIM to work in me and through me of WHY I NEED to understand the imperativeness of not only me understanding the importance of living this way, but TRUSTING HIM with the WHY, and doing it ALL FOR HIS GLORY.

Well, I feel as if though I should reintroduce myself once again.  Hi, I'm Heather, and I love people who are nice and agreeable.  I get along with most people.  However, because I am so very human, I struggle immensely with difficult people.  Lately it's as if though I have been bombarded by seemingly rude people.  To be honest I had a feeling that HE would be addressing this very issue that has become a common theme in my life as of lately.  So here we are, I'm ALL IN once again, and ready to consume my portion of HIS DAILY BREAD.

HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today is letting me know that I was created ON PURPOSE to mirror CHRISTS JESUS attributes.  For me this means whenever I encounter someone rude, or mean, I am to treat them the same as someone who is lovely, gracious and kind.  HE is wanting me to know that I am to be dressed for success in clothing myself in all the things that HE has been for me.

Clothing myself in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience is usually not too difficult to do, well that is until someone is combative or argumentative.  As it is then where I fall short of HIS GLORY, and my flesh takes over.  It's as if though the angry 15-year-old who was deeply wounded and so tired of being treated so unfairly, that part of me in a tender part that HE is healing, and redeeming in my story.  Well healing requires obedience, and discipline, as I am to die unto myself, and my selfish ways.  This I am learning is so much more complex than I could have possibly known.

To mirror CHRIST for me is my greatest desire, it's my hearts cry, to BE HOLY, HONORING, and PLEASING to HIM in ALL that I say and do.  As much as that is my hearts cry, there's still so much more for me to surrender to HIM, as this goes into the category of surrendering that of which I don't know or understand.  However, since I TRUST HIM, I know that HE is pulling this out of me, to REDEEM me for HIS GREAT PURPOSE for the plans that HE has for my life. 

Then comes the most daunting part in my human thinking, which is forgiveness, as why would I have to forgive someone for hurting, or offending me?  That is when HE pulls me even closer still, and speaks to my heart, "Dear Heart, you are able to forgive, because I have forgiven you.  You are able to give what you have received, and because I love you and know what's best for you, I want you to TRUST me that I know what is best for you, and for them."  Hearing HIM speak so gently, and tenderly to my hurting heart, is when I begin to SEE the situation and the person through HIS eyes.   As I am reminding of the many chances HE has given me to repent, to seek forgiveness, and ALL the grace that HE has extended to me.  I am lovingly reminded of how many times I've had to repent for the same offenses.  For this very reason, I'm surrendering once again that of which I don't know or understand when it comes to the "why" someone is rude, argumentative, combative, or offensive.

Grace that is sufficient for all the times that been the one to have been the one who offended, was combative, or argumentative towards others.  Grace for all the times where I flat out refused to forgive, and HE remained, STEADFASTLY FAITHFUL to me, with me, for me.  When I think about ALL the chances HE'S given me, I am so grateful to have receive every single one of them.  So when I think about myself, HE opens my eyes with discernment for those who I am called to forgive.  HE shows me that there are things I don't understand, I don't know, and I should NEVER just assume.  As I am reminded of ALL the times where I've fallen apart, and fallen short of HIS GLORY, I have reacted and responded in a less than GOD honoring way..

~ Part 2~

I started writing this blog post yesterday, and had to leave before I could finish it, and post it.  Well as the day would go, man did I fall short of ALL the things HE was teaching me about.  Having just learned the importance and imperativeness of clothing myself in CHRISTS ATTRIBUTES, well let's just say as the day lingered, so did my thoughts.  Which led me to be careless in my responses, and in muttering careless words.  I allowed myself to be led by my emotions and dictated by my feelings about circumstances.  Most of which weren't even about me, however I had a strong opinion about. So as the day progressed so did my disdain for people and the situations in which I found myself.

We didn't get home until late last night, and as I got ready for bed, the heaviness took over, and a deep sense of remorse washed over me.  Having to repent for how I chose to face the day.  How I failed spectacularly at being a mirror for CHRIST.  I tossed and turned for quite some time, unable to settle myself, to calm my mind, to silence my racing thoughts.  

Finally, exhaustion took over, or perhaps it was HIS peace that surpassed ALL my understanding, and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep.  I was awakened to HIM speaking to my heart, "Rise Dear Heart, we have much to do together today."  HE knew what I needed, which was to begin my morning routine, by getting ready for the day.  HE knew how bad I felt by what transpired yesterday, and HE knew that I so desperately needed HIS HOLY REMINDER that indeed HIS MERCIES are truly made new each morning, just.for.me.

As I sit and wait for HIS HOLY SPIRIT to lead me to type out the rest of this post, I am encompassed in HIS LOVE.  I am feeling more peace than I felt yesterday. I am filled with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that HE is truly IN THE DETAILS.  I am reminded of when HE first began to teach, lead, and guide me.  That HE didn't rush me then, and HE isn't rushing me now.   HE knows just how much I NEED HIM to teach, lead, and guide me.  HE knows how it takes me a bit to not only learn what HE is teaching me, but how to apply it, and then the obedience to follow through. HE knows how hard I struggle through the discipline to get me to the point where I let go of my fleshly ways.  As I'm reminded that it's written in HIS word about how I do the things I shouldn't do, and I don't do the things I should do.  

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do"

Romans 7:15

This for me is HIS loving reminder that I am not so far gone that HIS word doesn't understand me.  Truly every single thing I struggle with, is KNOWN.  For that I am deeply grateful.  I am so very thankful that the mistakes I make are not used against me, rather to pull me even closer still to HIM, so that I can, and when willingly surrendered, submitted, HE will indeed teach, lead, and guide me to know, to understand, to TRUST HIM with what I need to do, because I will understand what I NEED to know.  Truly HE has remained STEADFASTLY FAITHFUL to me, a sinner, HIS BELOVED CHILD, worthy of HIS love, even when the world says differently to me.  HE whispers, "Dear Heart, I have you, I know you don't understand, I know why that hurts you, I know you are sorry, and I love you.  No matter what, even if you never change, I will love you always, no matter what.  You, Ravah, my Precious Dear Heart, are MINE."

Precious Dear Ones,

May today be a day where you too learn that HIS MERCIES are made new, just.for.you.  No matter how bad things went yesterday, or even this morning, no matter what has happened.  HE knows, and HE loves you.  HE knows your heart.  HE knows why you respond and react the way you do to the stress and struggles in your life.  HE knows how unfairly you've been judged, or mistreated.  HE knows why you're angry, why you've all but given up.  HE knows the sleepless, restless nights where you've cried endlessly.  HE knows why you've shut down and isolated yourself away from people.  HE knows why you don't trust anyone, especially HIM.  HE knows the moment when you decided you couldn't and made a vow to NEVER TRUST HIM again.  HE knows, and HE loves you.  HE has a good and perfect plan for you to experience HIS love, HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to you and for you.  HE has a plan to set you FREE from that which hurts you.  HE will help you to forgive, to let go of what hurts you, as HE will teach you to release it to HIM.  HE has good plans to teach you to fight to get FREE, to be FREE, to stay FREE.  Truly restoration, healing, and redemption is ALWAYS HIS plan.  May you have the courage to open your heart to HIM and allow HIM to do abundantly more than you could ever think to pray or ask for.  May today be the beginning of your adventure with HIM, that will create in you a desire to mirror CHRIST.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love, understanding and deep compassion,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather

search and discovery

" Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God"

Colossians 3:1-3

The more I seek HIM, the more I find HIM, the more I can't wait till the next search and discovery that HE leads me through.  I love whenever I SEE my life fall between the scriptures that HE places on my heart.  Whenever I feel HIM cultivating the already deep roots that HE planted all those years ago. I also smile whenever I realize that I've reached the next level of understanding, as I know that is HIM delighting in me, and my TRUST in HIM and for HIM is strengthened.

I am so grateful to have this heavenly perspective as I can still remember a time not so long ago where I seriously doubted whether or not HE truly was for me.  I felt so lost, afraid, abandoned and confused.  The betrayal was piercing to my soul, and I cried until I was certain I was emptied of tears, only to reach the next deep well of endless tears.  I was tired, worn out, cried out, and my faith was dwindling.

Two months ago I worried that those feelings were creeping back in, only I didn't have the same fears, or believe the same lies, I was just eerily calm, and quiet.  More than that, HE was quiet, or so I thought.  What I now realize it that I was filled with a supernatural peace from HIM, that HE was pouring over me to prepare me for this next season, which I am now in.  A season of writing, speaking, and sharing all of the search and discovery moments I am having with HIM through HIS DAILY TEACHINGS.

I know I have reached a new level of learning and understanding that could only happen because I started out with a very basic knowledge of WHO HE is.   What began as a simple request, "JESUS I want to know you, I want to understand what I don't know, and I NEED YOU."   HE met me right there, in the beginning.  The beginning of my breakthrough on May 25, 2013, I still remember that morning.  An early 5am rise, journal, pen, and bible in my hands I made my way to our living room.  I remember the soft glow of the lamp, as I put pen to paper and penned those exact words.  I will NEVER forget when I first heard HIS voice.  I will NEVER forget how it felt to begin to know that HE was meeting me right where I was.  

Through search and discovery, HE began to teach, lead, and guide me by first giving me the layout of what HIS DAILY TEACHINGS would consist of.  That I didn't need to worry how, that HE knew exactly what I was needing, and HE was faithful to always provide.  Those early days, I now can look back, and SEE were preparation for my days to come.  Each morning, I would rise before the dawn, before anyone else was awake, and I would meet with HIM.  I would ask questions, and I would begin to learn to read HIS word, soak in HIS word, and ruminate in HIS word.

Days that lead me through the first month, then second month, all the way to my first year.  Not skipping a single day I journaled, prayed, read, and met with JESUS for almost 18 months before the worst day of my life happened.  Even after that day, I still met with HIM, I still journaled, prayed, only now I cried to the end of my soul, I didn't understand the plan, and I struggled to keep my head up.

Two years later I found myself face down in a pit of despair.  I had hope for heaven, but zero hope for living.  I had been suffering the loss of my son for two years, and I couldn't even be a person, let alone a warrior for CHRIST, a wife or a mother.  I was broken, confused, my soul was so downcast, and I couldn't function.  I cried daily, all day, and when I wasn't crying, I was stuffing.  To numb the pain, to try and fill the void of the profound absence of my son's life.  The silence was deafening as our family had been irrevocably changed.  

I found myself trying so desperately to do what I once did, I tried to write, to pray, to read HIS word, and I found myself unable to even open my bible.  My tears were wordless prayers, as I knew HE was with me, and was catching ALL of my tears.  As there was a time for almost a year that every time I would go into my room I would cry and say, "JESUS I hurt," and HE would respond, "I know I AM with you."   I would cry tears of agony for my Sethie, my baby, my Sethie, please JESUS, please come back, please help me, pleaaaassssssse." 

Just writing about that time in my life, causses tears to well up in my eyes.  One because it was so deeply painful, lonely, and isolating.  Two because now I can look back and SEE HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me and for me to remain no matter what.   Three because I can now SEE that from the beginning of the first day where I met with HIM at 5am, I can now SEE HE was preparing me for this very moment where I am now in my life.

If ever I begin to question whether or not HE is truly for me, all I need to do is look back over the past 13 years where I have intentionally met with HIM, even when I was angry with HIM.  Even when I told HIM I hated HIM for what HE allowed to happen.   Through ALL of my anger, bitterness, jealously, and envy HE held me, helped me, and poured HIS peace over me, and ensured that I experienced HIS grace that is truly sufficient enough for me.  Through it all, no matter what HE has filled me with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that HIS MERCIES were indeed made new for me each morning.  

I am learning that HIS plan, HIS purpose is only found, through a deeply personal invitation for me to know HIM, for HIM to reveal just how much HE knows me.  I am truly living proof that the life I was created for, to live is hidden within HIM.  I am learning the true value of meeting HIM in our HOLY QUIET PLACE as that is where the life, the healing, the restoration that I am NEED of is truly hidden in HIM.  I am experiencing HIS delight in me and for me, as each morning I embark on another adventure of search and discovery with HIM.

I am continuing to learn that is imperative that I continue to seek HIM, to keep my eyes fixed on HIM, to look up, to keep my ears open to hear ONLY HIS voice.  To NOT be distracted by all the circumstances of my life, and the ways of this world.  I am learning WHY I must remain alert, and BE of sober mind, taking each and every thought captive as to not get tripped up by my enemy.  This I have learned in the hardest of ways, as the enemy is always at my heels.  Trying to trip me up through relationships with my loved ones.  As the hardest strongholds I have had to learn to release, and fight through has been people pleasing.

For me this was in the way I managed my grief and my suffering, so as to NOT offend or make others feel uncomfortable.  This I have just learned of these past few weeks, and just yesterday HE let me know that often times I do things because of condemnation and mistake it for conviction.  Yikes!  That made me cringe, as I don't want to do anything, or focus on anything that HE doesn't want for me or hasn't called me to do.  In trying to do what I thought I should be doing, HE is setting me free from the unrealistic expectations placed on me by others, and even more so by myself.  

What I've learned and continue to find in my search and discovery is that HE isn't mad at me, or disappointed in me.  HE loves me, tenderly, gently, and endlessly.  HE delights in knowing that I am seeking HIM, to know, to SEE, to understand, to TRUST HIM even more.  HE loves when I surrender to whatever I don't know, and TRUST HIM to reveal to me whatever it is that I NEED to know.  HE loves when I choose to TRUST that if HIS timing isn't for me to know or understand, that I still choose to TRUST HIM.   Even when.... Even if..... Even though....

Precious Dear Ones,

Oh, my Dear Brothers and Sisters, HE knows.  HE knows what is hurting you.  HE knows why you're struggling to repent, to surrender, and to forgive.  HE knows and HE loves you.  HE has a plan for all of it; HE'S just waiting for you to choose to TRUST HIM.   HE wants to meet you right where you are to hold you, to help you, to free you, to restore you, to redeem you.  HIS plans for your life are so devastatingly good because even in the midst of sorrow, sadness, and pain HE is still so very good.  If today should find you barely hanging on, feeling lost, alone, or angry, HE knows, and HE'S there and wants to help you.  May today be the day where you reach out to grab HIS garment, for HIS healing, HIS power, HIS peace, HIS strength to wash over you.  May you come to know HIM as I know HIM, may you have the courage to reach out, to pray, to cry out, to just say, "JESUS I believe in you, please come into my life, and be my LORD and SAVIOR, I NEED YOU.  May today be the beginning of your breakthrough, and may you begin your journey of search and discovery where you too find your life hidden with CHRIST JESUS.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With love, grace, compassion, empathy, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather

waking in faith

I've always known the scripture, walk by faith, or live by faith NOT by sight.  2 Corinthians 5:7. Well since September 2026 HE has been teaching me a new level of understanding how to do just that.  For me it's always been struggling to sleep at night, and even if I am able to fall asleep, I'm often times ripped from sleep several times a night.  Usually I give up sleeping, and just stay up, and take naps during the day. 

Well because I know of HIS deep love for me, I now SEE what new thing HE has been teaching me.  First waking me in the early morning hours, not for me, but to lead me to pray for those in my life who too are struggling to sleep.  Those whose lives have been so full of stress and strife.  Pain and heartache have moved in and taken up much of the spaces of their hearts.  HE has brought me to a place where as soon as my eyes open, I say, "Who am I praying for?"  Without fail, HE places their name or their face, or even sometimes their voice in my heart, and I immediately I am filled with discernment through HIS HOLY SPIRIT in how to pray.

Lately though, as I awaken, my first response is who, and HE lets me know, "Precious Dear Heart, I AM with you.  I have NEVER left you.  I have remained with you through ALL of this."  This morning at 2am, HE let me know that HE knew how much I cried yesterday for Seth's would be 14th birthday.  HE knew how hard I fought to NOT do what I've always done but just let the tears fall.  And, HE was right, I did just let my tears fall.  I let all the feelings of loss, and pain wash over me, and I released them right into HIS waiting hands.  I let the memories flow of Seth's birth.  I let the tears fall, and I felt the ache in my arms and hands that began on the afternoon of October 13, 2014.  I allowed myself to feel the deep longing of missing, and I released the ache to HIM.  I allowed HIM into the desperation of missing my son.  I allowed JESUS to BE enough for me.  

Last night began a new journey, waking in faith. This I know and understand is so that I am able to share HIS goodness, of HIS steadfast faithfulness for HIS kids.  This means YOU Dear Reader.  This means that YOU who is reading these words right now.   The nights where you've felt forgotten, so lost, and betrayed.  YOU, yes, YOU, HE SEES YOU.  

As HIS beloved child you NEED to know, HE is the miracle maker, a wonderful savior, a faithful friend, a fierce defender, a mighty protector, and an impenetrable shield.  HE is your champion, your ABBA, new life creator, HE is ALL of this and more.  With HIM, through HIM, ALL things WILL be possible.

Now if you're like me, you're probably thinking "yeah sure okay, but Heather, you don't know where I have been, what I've had to endure.  You don't know what I have done, and you would be right.  However, what I do know is, even though I don't, HE does.  HE SEES it ALL, HE'S been with you ALL the days of your life.  HE knows why you've struggled, why you don't trust, and why you toss and turn every night, fighting for just even an hour of sleep.  HE knows, and HE has a plan for your rescue.  HE knows and HE'S waiting for you to be waking in faith.

All I know is that I would have surely died from my broken heart in suffering the death of my son.  I would have succumbed to the devastation I endured from the desperation that took over my mind in missing Seth.  I was certain that I had NO hope for living and only had hope for heaven.  I spent my days and nights praying for the end to be near.  That I would close my eyes and wake up in paradise with JESUS.  What I didn't know then, and what I SEE now is that HE was preparing me for RESCUE.  HE was preparing me to know, to experience, to LIVE with HIS GOODNESS here in the land of the living.  Where healing would flow abundantly through me, so that I would be able to write, to speak, to share of HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me and for me.  

Writing my faith journey has been extremely healing for me, as I SEE it was, HE is turning my pain into HIS purpose, HIS plan for my life.  I now know FULL WELL this is the life that the enemy didn't want me to know anything about.  This is the moment for such a time as this that I was created for.  As HE knew I would one day be healed enough, to TRUST HIM even more.  That I would willingly surrender whatever HE was asking of me.  HE knew that I would SEEK HIM, over and over.  Constantly seeking HIS perspective, wanting and NEEDING HIS TRUTH.  HE knew that I would get in the driver's seat of the bus of life, and I would go out and pick up other people who they too had been run over by the bus of life.  

I went from falling asleep in despair, or just merely surviving to waking in faith.  Faith in HIM and for HIM, that even when I don't understand the plan, well HE has a plan for that too.  Faith that no matter what happens to me, or around me, HE is with me always.  That even if, even when, or even though, no matter the even's HE is with me, and HE has a plan, and when I choose to TRUST HIM, HE will always work things out for my good.  Because I know FULL WELL, I am HIS beloved child, I am the daughter of the KING, and HIS love for me in unconditional, everlasting, and endless. 

Perhaps, this has been HIS plan all along, for me to just know that HE is with me ALWAYS.  That no matter if I am crying, angry, upset, jealous, bitter, lost, or feeling betrayed, HE has a plan for my healing.  That NO matter how bad things have gotten out of control in my life.  No matter what relationships feel as seemingly irrevocably broken, NOTHING is impossible with HIM.  HE has a plan, for even more healing for me.  Plans to be LOVED by HIM, for me to walk with HIM, and to WAKE with HIM.  I am learning that I am truly experiencing HIS KINGDOM right here on earth as it is in HEAVEN.  That it's not an external seeing(circumstances), rather an internal feeling and even more SEEING (spiritual eyes opened).  This is truly HIS PEACE that surpasses any and ALL understanding. 

I am learning that waking in faith means that I can release whatever is laying heavily on my mind and heart.  That I can release any and ALL feelings that are tearing me apart.  I can lay my burdens down, and I can cry deep into HIS chest.  I can surrender, even when I am afraid, and I can be comforted by HIM, as HE truly is the ONLY ONE WHO can truly comfort me.  This pain that I endure, the suffering that I have invited HIM into is overwhelming, and so unbearably hard at times. and HE is right there to help me, to hold me, for me to feel HIS love, to know HIS love, to TRUST HIS love, as I am continuously learning that HE is indeed my anchor for my soul  

In waking in faith, I am experiencing a life I never knew before, but the ONE that I had always prayed for.  Everything that I had prayed for, waited for, and longed for, HE was there all along, working it ALL out for my good.  Waking in faith is teaching me total dependence and TRUST in the LORD with ALL my heart, and it gives me immense comfort as this is another tangible way of SEEING HIS GOODNESS, as HE is the ONE WHO kept my heart alive, when I lost my mind, when my heart was shattered.  When I walked through the valley of shadow of death, when my tears were my food, HE was the ONE WHO REMAINED STEADFASTLY FAITHFUL to keep my heart alive, WHO strengthened my faith, WHO cultivated even deep roots, WHO stayed with me through the deep abyss of pain, agony, and sorrow.  

Truly I am SEEING my life in HIS word, as my life falls between the scriptures.  I SEE it, I know it, and I know that I am deeply LOVED, SEEN, HEARD, and KNOWN by HIM.  HE has continuously shown up, and restored my JOY.  HE has refined my faith by remaining with me in the fire.  HE has renewed my strength so that I was able to keep going.  HE has been my anchor, my ABBA, my CHAMPION, my SAVIOR, my JESUS.

Precious Dear Ones,

HE knows just how heavy your burdens are that you are carrying.  HE knows what you've endured.  HE knows how rough this past year has been for you.  HE knows just how deeply you are grieving the life you once knew.  HE knows how desperately you are missing the one whose deep loss you are suffering. HE knows how your faith has been leveled, and HE has a plan.  HE knows how much guilt and shame are weighing you down.  HE knows how impossible it all. seems to you.  HE knows why you are unable to trust or forgive, and HE has plan, a good, a deeply personal plan that is just.for.you.  Will you TRUST HIM?  Are you ready to repent, to surrender, to step into a new way of living?  Are you ready to surrender what you don't know, and TRUST HIM to help you through it?  Are you ready to fall into HIS arms, and let HIM help you?  HE is there, are you ready to give HIM your sleepless, restless nights?  Are you ready to live a life that is waking up in faith?

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much compassion, understanding, empathy, and love,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather

12

Yesterday was the final day of the 12rh year of grieving my son.  It was his homecoming to JESUS day, and my family and I did our best to honor Seth's life and spent the day doing one of his favorite things.   We went to a pumpkin patch, as Seth loved Halloween.  He loved piders (spiders) and he loved people.   Every October 13th have always been a day that until this moment in time, I tried my best to just keep it together.  To not cry too much.  To not dwell on the fact that Seth had died, and that I still remembered so much of the worst day of my life.  

This I could feel HIM pulling me even closer still, as I fought to swallow my tears.  HE was letting me that HE meant what HE said when I was no longer to manage my grief, but to grieve with HIM.   HE made that very evident yesterday whenever I looked at my watch and saw the time.  Such as at the 11:30am time, I remembered was when I took my two daughters and their friend to the store for snacks.  I remembered Seth wanting to go and crying at the door.  I remembered backing out of the driveway, seeing his little face pressed against the glass and me saying, "oh I just love him."  Not knowing that day would be my last day to see him do that ever again.

Tears fell all throughout the day yesterday.  I cried with each moment that was a reminder, just like when a little girl was playing with her mama's necklace and wrapping her sweet little arms and her hands touched her mama's face.  I felt that, that moment where I stood at the microwave warming up lunch and Seth reached up to me to pick him up.  I remembered his sweet voice, "mama me me me, up up up."  I remembered his little arms wrapped around my neck, and his little hands on my face.  Him looking into my eyes, as if remembering everything he could about me.  We danced, and kissed JESUS (my cross necklace that he was fascinated with) a million times.  Then I set him down to serve lunch, and he climbed on his chair and laid down as he wasn't feeling good.  

Around the 4 o'clock hour I glanced to my right and saw an ambulance, and I was immediately brought back to the moment when I was collapsed in the driveway, and I felt the first responder jump on the grass with Seth in his arms.  I remembered watching the ambulance drive away, the sirens, I still hear them.  The pain of that moment hit the deepest part of my grief, and tears spilled out. Falling like rain.  Later I would see a Mama holding her sweet little boy on her back, and I watched him hold onto her neck, jumping and shrieking at the excitement of what he was seeing.  That is when my tears became too much for me, and I had to step away for a moment to just breathe.  

The rest of the day, whenever the time was remembered, I felt HIM pull me even closer.  HE knew how badly I was hurting.  HE knew how much I ached from missing Seth.  HE knew, and HE held me, and caught every single one of my tears.  HE knew how relieved I was to have made it through another year of honoring Seth.  HE also knew just how weary I would be this morning, as tomorrow is October 15th, and that is Seth's birthday.  This year, he would be 14.  An age where I feel so much further from knowing my own son.  HE knows, and HE is with me.  Holding me, helping me through the pain of missing him.  HE knows how much I hate this plan, how much I wish so badly that things could be different.   HE knows how much I wish people knew, and understood, but then that would be they too would have had to suffer just like me, and I wouldn't wish this on even the meanest person I know.  So instead, I just cry, and let the pain out.  I cry out all the words stored up, buried deep inside.  I weep with JESUS, for I know full well that HE weeps with me. 

This year I am learning to cry with JESUS, to not hide, but to let HIM into my pain.  I am experiencing what it means to have NO condemnation for those who are in CHRIST JESUS.  This I know, understand, and choose to TRUST.  For this very reason, I keep choosing to seek HIM.  I keep surrendering all that I don't understand, surrendering all that hurts me.  I keep crying out to JESUS to please help me.  I keep pressing in and through my deep well of faith that HE has created and cultivated deep within me.  I keep writing, and signing my name to HIM, as I pour my heart out to HIM.  Ravah (my new name given to me by HIM) means immersed in HIS HOLY SPIRIT.  For this very reason, I keep moving forward, asking to be transformed, renewed, and refined even more.  As at the end of this life, I want to BE KNOWN by my faith, that even when my son died, even when all that has happened to me, I still chose JESUS.  That if you knew me, encountered me, you would have SEEN JESUS in me.  You would have SEEN HIS LIGHT SHINING in me and through me.  So that ALL PRAISE, HONOR, and GLORY would be HIS.  

There is still so much I don't understand, and I struggle to TRUST, but I've learned that HE has a plan for that too.  HE delights in me, and well if you're reading this, HE delights in you too!

Precious Dear Ones,

It's not if, it's when, as deep loss affects everyone of us.  While my grief is childloss, there is also, widowhood, orphaned, sibling loss, job loss, divorce, and even loss of a beloved pet (who to many are family) My fervent prayer is that my life is a reflection of HIS Graciousness towards all people.  That the same kindness, patience, and consideration are given to all of whom I encounter.  I pray that in sharing my story, it will be ALL FOR HIS GLORY

In the deepest love, respect, understanding and empathy,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather

New Song

It would be so easy for me to give up when life becomes so overwhelming.  It would be easy for me to lay down and just check out with mindless tv watching.  It would be easy for me to stuff all the pain that I am experiencing, and just stuff until I am numb. It would be easy to self soothe, and to just do whatever makes me feel good.  Well, it would be easy, until the reality of how self-destructing all of that actually is.  This I've learned, and well if I am being honest, I am continuing to learn. 

Heartwork continues of consumption, and releasing my self-management role, over to HIM WHO Is more than capable of handling ALL of my life.  HE is my creator after all, the AUTHOR and PEFECTOR of my FAITH, the reason I am still alive, the WHY I survived ALL that I have.  And if I really think about what HE has been doing, and is continuing to do in my life, I am realizing more and more that surviving was NEVER the plan.  So, even when, even though, I am so overwhelmed by the next layer being pulled back, for me to shed, I am learning to know and TRUST that it is ALL for my good.  

This morning, HE has led me to learn a NEW SONG- "My Story Your Glory" By Matthew West

My Story, YOUR Glory

My Pain, YOUR Purpose

My Mess, YOUR Message

In all things, I know YOU'RE Workin'

One Life, One Mission

One reason WHY I'm livin'

ALL for YOU, NOT for me

My Story, YOUR Glory

ALL of me, ALL for YOU

Let ALL I say and ALL I do

Point to the ONE WHO changed my life

And let me speak the legacy I leave behind

My Story, YOUR Glory

My Pain, YOUR Purpose

My Mess, YOUR Message

In ALL things, I know YOU'RE Workin'

One Life, One Mission

One Reason WHY I'm Livin'

ALL for YOU, NOT for me

My Story, YOUR GLORY

Truly HE is in the details of my life.  Working ALL things out for my good.  Because HE is just that good.  My life is so drastically different from where it was just 10 years ago.  As 10 years ago I had just spent almost 2 years unpacking and processing the loss of my son.  This coming Tuesday will be 12 years, and WOW have things changed.  This I know to be TRUE as last night I was given the opportunity to sit amongst a group of my sisters in CHRIST as one of us shared, and shed tears of agony as she unpacked, and processed the loss of her own son.  Together with 15 other women we held space for this precious sister, and held her story, her tears, her agony, and called on JESUS and HIS ANGEL ARMIES to surround her, to help her, to flood her with HIS PEACE, to give her grace to grieve, space to grieve, to cry, to mourn.  Tears fell for her, and with her.  And I, well I was honored, to not only hold space for her, but was honored and blessed to pray for her, and to intercede on her behalf, because I knew those tears of agony.  I knew the questions of why, and how could this possibly be the plan.  Processing how it was that she is to live without her son.  I recognized her pain, her tears, and the deep sorrow that has now become a part of her.  And I prayed, and thanked JESUS for HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS that I knew HE was and will ALWAYS BE for her as well.

I guess you could say this is healing.  This is what it means to be alive. "To be among the BLESSED to Mourn, for they shall be comforted" Matthew 5:4, that quite honestly when I began my suffering journey, I felt everything but blessed.  I felt cursed, and betrayed, as the pain was excruciating.  I thought I would surely die from how bad the pain ripped through me Slowly over time though, HE rescued me from the deep dark abyss of agony, sadness, sorrow, and pain.  HE brought me to the survivor's shore to recover, learning first how to sit up again, then to stand, then to walk, and after 7 long years of immense suffering HE began to teach me how to run again, how to TRUST again, how to speak life over myself and others again.  HE gave me my life back, brought me back to life, as I started not only seeing HIS goodness in the land of the living, but experiencing it for myself

With each new step HE took me, each new layer being revealed, HE sang a new song over me.  Sometimes it would be multiple new songs in a short time span, and other times, HE would have me meditate, pray about, and ruminate in whatever song HE was teaching me.  Suffering has been the hardest part of my journey that I have had to endure each and every day.  It's something that I haven't been able to escape or pray away.  I couldn't stuff it enough; I couldn't numb myself enough.  I couldn't outrun the pain, I couldn't hide from it, as I have shared in the past that the very moment, I realized that even if I were to get on an airplane and fly to the other side of the world, there I would still be, and my heart would still be so utterly broken, and I would still be desperately missing my son.  

I've come to a place of understanding, and well I guess you could say mostly peaceful that I won't know the answers to my questions until the day I step into HIS GLORY.  Until then, I will repent, surrender, ask, seek, knock, pray, and wait....... I will write, speak, and live out my faith for HIM.  I will face each day with HIM, walking hand in hand with HIM. I will keep my eyes open and focused on HIM, as to NOT miss HIS goodness that HE has for me to experience here in the land of the living.  Even if it means with tears in my eyes, and well as of right in this moment of time, i am flooded with tears daily.  

HE has been so merciful to me to teach me how to be honoring in my grief.  HE has lovingly held me in the deep sorrow as I take each new step with every milestone I am facing.  As just last night, I was ordering groceries for this next week, and on Tuesday we're planning on having Seth's favorite foods.  When it came time to order go-go squeezes, I couldn't find the flavor he loved, and I broke into tears when I realized the enormous variety that is now available.  The more I searched for his favorite foods, the more I cried, and the more I cried, the more I felt HIM pull me even closer to HIM.  Even as I type the memories of our last meal with him, I'm crushed, as I didn't have any idea it would be our last. 

If only, I could go back, if only I could have known, I would have held him longer.  I would have said I love you a million more times.  I would have kissed JESUS with him a million more.  I would have held him so close to me.  I would have memorized everything about him.  If only.... for one more moment, one more dance, one more jump, one more up up up, one more mama me me me.  If only.... gosh 12 years, it's so unreal... seemingly a lifetime ago...... and so yesterday.  

Precious Dear Ones,

JESUS is near, HE is so very close.  HE is waiting for you to reach for HIM, as HE is right there ready to hold you, to help you, to heal you.  Lean back in HIS arms and feel HIM pull you even closer still. Your tears, your pain, your struggle, all that you have endured, ALL of it matters to HIM.  You, yes, YOU matter to HIM, and HE loves you with a deep everlasting love.  HE has good plans for your life, plans for healing and restoration for your JOY, HOPE, and PEACE.  HE is ALL of those things for you, and when you don't understand how, or why, well HE WILL show you, HE delights in showing you just how deeply loved and cared for that you are by HIM.  Dear Ones, with JESUS you are NEVER alone, NEVER forgotten, HE is there with you, singing a new song over you.  May today be the day you open your heart to HIM again, or maybe for the first time. JESUS loves you even when, and even though, no matter the evens HE loves you.  Do you hear HIM saying your name?  HE is, and HE is right there waiting for you, with open arms, without condemnation.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love compassion, empathy, and deep gratitude,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather

waterfall

 "Who told you that?"  Genesis 3:11

It wasn't enough for HIM to FREE me, to REDEEM me from the lies that stole my ability to just grieve, to just cry, to just miss, to pour out the sorrow that has piled up in my soul.  No, HE had even more healing for me to receive, to feel, to experience, to live out, to thrive through.  Another level, a new layer, of sorrow, sadness, agony, and the deepest pain buried within me is being released.  

When I wrote manager last week, I thought the only thing I was managing was my grief for my son.  Well, that is until two nights ago when a moment, an unexpected conversation with D brought out the deepest pain that I've never spoken to anyone, not even my therapist.  Not in all the years, all the therapy offices of which I've poured my heart out have I ever spoken about what I endured, what was done to me starting at age 2.5 years old.  Where I was still a baby girl, who didn't have agency to make my own decisions, and I was at the mercy of the people who were put in charge of caring and nurturing of me.  

Without warning the hardest deepest pain began to pour from my eyes, as my chest felt so heavy.  I struggled to breathe through the sobs, as all the years of abuse that I endured at the hands of the person put in charge of raising me.  The horror's that I experienced and endured, the pain and agony that at age 4 I couldn't even cry.  I couldn't cry out, as I realized no one was going to come to save me.  I was alone, this was it, and it was all I could do to just survive.

D sat silently next to me handing me tissues, listening as the details that I had kept hidden, buried so deeply poured out of me.  It was as those I was standing under a waterfall of tears, only it was me I was the waterfall. The tears were releasing 46 years of traumatic events that occurred almost daily for me.  Lies buried, that kept me locked in a prison unable to escape, instead I became acquainted with my chains, I welcomed the security of knowing the boundaries of gagged tears, pain that what was once so sharp, became dull, and familiar, to where I just learned to accept it would always be apart of me.

The LIE- the blanket statement that I've made many times over the past decade or so of my life.  "I was raised by a pedophile from the time I was 4 until I was 15."  That's it, that's all I would say.  Just like I would say, "Hi my name's Heather and my favorite color is blue."  Just typing that out, I feel HIM pull me even closer still.  I hear HIS voice, "Precious Dear Heart, I never intended for you to just swallow your tears, to manage the worlds perception of how well you managed your pain.  I never asked you to just live with it or just get over it.  I never asked you to minimize your pain, so who told you that?"  

This was the question that awakened me from slumber this morning.  That while waking up singing "I know my REDEEMER lives."  I knew HE was doing something new, but I was still unpacking what it was that HE was wanting me to know, to understand, so that I would be able to TRUST HIM.  HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today is bringing me back to the beginning where my agency was stolen, and in order for me to survive I had to learn to swallow my tears, thus becoming a waterfall. Pain and tears swallowed because releasing them, talking about it would be too much for anyone to hear about, much less do anything about.  Afterall during the time of the hardest most intense moments of abuse I was in counseling for other matters of abuse from age 2.5. Even in the context of a counselor's office, someone who was supposed to be "trained" to SEE, well I was hidden in plain site.  In the few times where tears fell from my eyes, I quickly masked them under the guise of anger, about something trivial.  As to not being attention to the hell on earth that I was enduring, and merely surviving.

"You weren't called to Manage Hell in your life, HE assigned you to confront it" 

 Joanna Beck

This quote really spoke to the current battle I find myself in.  If I am being honest, I am quite tired.  I am worn out from crying since last month.  This month of October is truly kicking my butt.  The missing of my son has increased, and the pain of losing him is rising to the surface, as more milestones of what should have been, but aren't assault my mama heart.  I'm also watching each of his siblings miss him and grieve him in their own way.  As well as his daddy, who misses his little dude so very much.  This next week on Tuesday will be the Threshold of 12 years of living without Seth.  12 years of clinging to HIS garment, holding tight to HIS HOLY PROMISES. and experiencing HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me and for me.

For the past 5 years of my life, HE has begun to release the waterfall of pain that I have buried as to not offend anyone with the amount of pain inflicted upon me.  Part of releasing my pain has been learning what spiritual warfare actually looks like.  Confronting the lies that have oppressed me from a very tender age.  Lies that have wrecked me, playing as a broken record that caused me to take on more that I could possibly bear.   Lies that told me it was all my fault, and all my responsibility.  Lies that kept me imprisoned, paralyzed in thinking I was too much, yet not enough.  Lies that kept me from receiving the LORDS love that is just.for.me.  Lies that have been silenced by HIS TRUTH, that I have released the emotions attached to each wound that HE has brought to the surface for me to release to HIM.  The pain, that I've buried, not only for child loss, but all for the loss of my own childhood.  

HE is REDEEMING ALL that has been stolen.  Thankfully not all at one, because well HE is indeed merciful to NOT inflict that amount of heartwork upon me all at once.  Rather tenderly, gently, compassionately, because of HIS DEEP INTENTIONAL, UNCONDITONAL, ENDLESS, EVERLASTING LOVE for me.  HE has poured HIS strength into me to understand why I am wearing HIS ARMOR, why HE is having me release my own self armor to HIM, so that I am prepared to fight as HIS warrior daughter, as I know I am a daughter to THE KING.  I know WHO I am, because I TRUST WHOSE I am.

I am continuing to BE SET FREE, to BE FREE, to STAY FREE.... ALL FOR HIS GLORY

Precious Dear Ones,

HE SEES you, HE knows you, you are HIS, a daughter, a son, to THE KING.  HE has amazing plans for your life.  Plans to restore, renew, redeem, and refine you.  To give you beauty for your ashes.  So that you will be able to testify that it has only been because of HIM that you been kept alive.  That only through JESUS because of JESUS you've endured, you've fought, and you've survived.  May you know that you were created for so much more than just a mere surviving existence.  May you allow HIM to search and know your heart, for you to surrender ALL to HIM.  To bring you to a point where you can say, "LORD JESUS whatever that is in me, that is NOT from you, take it out of me."  Should today find you with tears pouring from your eyes, as managing your pain the way you always have isn't working anymore, may you know that you too are a waterfall meant to pour out, to release the pain buried so deep within.  Dear Ones, HIS plan for you is deeply personal and is just.for.you.  May today be the day you ask HIM to come into your heart and allow HIM to begin a good work within you.  May it be that if you have already asked HIM to come into your heart, may you experience HIS goodness as you SEE HIS SOVEREIGN and MIGHTY hand at work within you and your life.  May today be the day where you begin to heal from what has been done to you, may you experience HIS tender, gentle, and compassionate love that is just.for.you.  May you TRUST HIM, even with your anger, as HE can take it, all of it.  ALL of your questions, worries, doubts, and even your fears.  HE knows, and HE has a plan to help you through ALL of it.  

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love, compassion, empathy and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather

manager

Her raw honesty, sharing her heart of how my story, the loss of my son scared her.  That hearing my story has caused her greatest fear to rise to the surface to be front and center.  I watched as she spoke, tears stream from her eyes.  I knew she felt horrible about what she was feeling, and even more so sharing and speaking it out.  As I sat and listened to her relay her deepest fears, I fought the urge to comfort, and ending up doing so a little, and then I felt HIM pull me even closer, letting me know HE was there with me.  I knew HE was doing something new, but I hadn't a clue as to what it was.  By the end of our time together my own tears were rising to the surface, and all I could do, was flee.

I made it out to my car before the dam burst, and I found myself wailing tears of agony.  I couldn't understand why or what was happening to me.  The more I tried to calm myself and prayed for my tears to lessen the harder I cried.  Memories of Seth's car seat flash before my eyes.  Remembering the moment where D lovingly said to me that we needed to move his car-seat as to make room for our company that was with us for our 1st Christmas without our son.  My sobs of agony shook my body, as I remembered the woman at church, her response to my broken heartedness that morning at church.  I had bravely shard the pain of having to move Seth's car seat, how his Tweety Bird, and blanket wouldn't be seen in the rear-view mirror, and my tears just poured from my eyes.  Her response, "He is so much safer where he is now than he ever was in that stupid car seat."  Her words filled me with instant regret for speaking out my grief, and unbeknownst to me I swallowed her words, and shame and guilt took the place of grief that day, and every day thereafter ensued an overwhelming challenge for me to learn to manage my grief as to comfort those around me, not to upset someone else's good day with my sadness, sorrow, pain, or agony.  

As I began to process what transpired yesterday with the woman crying about how my story affected her, I knew HE was doing something new.  Here's the truth, I, Heather since October 19, 2014 (the day D and I laid our son's earthly body to rest) made an agreement that I would be the Manager of my grief.  This is because within the first two weeks of losing Seth I would experience well-meaning people say some of the most horrible things to me.  Their words, not ill-intentioned were stupidly muttered, with no thought of the implications of what they were saying, other than they wanted to shut me up.

The truth was then and is now, that most people who meet me, or who have known me before or after are very uncomfortable with how much I am willing to openly grieve.  Not only that, whenever someone new hears my story of the death of my son, it's as though child loss is contagious.  They just can't seem to grasp how I'm even still alive, as they for sure would have died if it were their child.  How they wouldn't get out bed in the morning, or how they would have to been buried with their child as they would've thrown themselves on their child's casket. Well-meaning well-intentioned people have also told me that I needed to remember that I had other children to love and care for.  My response, well in my head "thank you captain obvious what would I have done without you reminding me of the very thing that I am battling to not give up, to keep going, for them not to lose me too."  In my head I said this, in reality, I swallowed their words, their judgement, and I cried even more because I knew life would be hard, I just never realized how cruel it would be.

Prayerful, prayer filled people said some of the harshest things to me.  One of my deepest pains being told that the way I was grieving was offensive to them. That they felt as if though I didn't appreciate their prayers and support by the way I was grieving.  I swallowed those words and made a vow not to trust anyone with my thoughts or feelings about losing Seth.  Even now as I sit and type this blog, I remember specifically a moment during a group gathering that D and I attended together where my mental state was discussed.  That the words were spoken that I needed to promise to go on medication and stay on it forever, so that the group would be able to handle doing life with me.  Never realizing the words said to me were absorbed, swallowed and began to wreck me pulling me further away from wanting to even continue living, not because I wanted to die, rather because the pain of just merely surviving was more than I could bear.

The reality is this, I could write an entire book about all the horrible things said and done to me through well-meaning people.  However, thankfully HIS PLANS are far greater than mine, and HE is leading me to remember so that I may surrender my role as manager of my grief.  Through surrender, HE is teaching me that HE never intended for me to carry their words, their opinions, their actions, not a single moment of anything from someone else on my own shoulders.  That HE is preparing me for this second half of my life to LIVE FREE - FREE from isolation, bitterness, jealousy, and resentment.  This I am learning starts with Surrender and leads me to the Hard and Holy work that awaits me.  

So here it is, HIS DAILY TEACHINGS is letting go of the role as manager of my grief, so that I will continue my journey of pursuing HIS peace.  That when words are said that are unkind, accusatory, or judgmental, I will know I am to observe what is being said and release it to JESUS.  That I don't have to, nor was I ever created to absorb all insults, judgements and lies spoken about me, or to me.  I am learning the life changing difference of observing vs. absorbing.  At first, I was taken aback that the LORD would want to REDEEM all that was stolen from me in grieving my son, however when I took a closer look at what I know about HIS character and promises to me and for me, well I'm not surprised, and I am humbly grateful.  I am thankful to know that HE truly is keeping HIS word to me, HIS HOLY PROMISE that is my life verse "Being confident of this, that HE WHO began a good work in you, will carry it on until the day of completion of CHRIST JESUS."  Philippians 1:6

This I know. this I've experienced, this I've lived, this I am living proof of right in this very moment of time.  CHOSEN on purpose to GLORIFY HIM with my life, with sharing my JESUS STORY.  A hard and heavy story, where HIS character and promises are on full display, as the story didn't stop with the death of a beloved child, rather HE left the 99 to reach HIS one-of-a-kind beloved child.  My story may not be full of rainbows, puppies, and unicorns, however it's full of endless grace, mercy, and peace.  I've survived some of the hottest fires meant to burn me alive.  I've endured every parent's worst nightmare, and I've overcome things that would burn others alive.  All because of JESUS, and that is why I write, why I share, why I continue to meet HIM in OUR HOLY QUIET PLACE, for HIM to teach, lead, and guide me.  ALL FOR HIS GLORY is how I choose to share my JESUS story, how I want my life to be remembered.  That on that day when I step into HIS GLORY, HE will look at me, and say, "well done good and faithful servant."

Precious Dear Ones,

I don't know what your tomorrow holds, but I do know who holds ALL of your tomorrows, as HE is the ONE who holds ALL of our tomorrows.  Should tomorrow be the day where suffering enters your life, and your heart is broken, I pray that my story, my faith shared will inspire and encourage you to cry out to JESUS.  Maybe your life has already been irrevocably changed and you're struggling to even get out of bed.  Maybe the pain you've endured has caused you to isolate and pull away from people.  Maybe you've given up on life and have decided you'll just survive until you die.  That maybe if you tip toe quietly, not draw attention to yourself, keep yourself small, don't talk too much, and try your best not to be too much, then maybe, just maybe you'll be able to make it just one more day.   Precious Dear One, YOU- yes, YOU are worth far more than a just maybe existence.  YOU are NOT too much for JESUS, YOU are NOT a mistake, YOU are NOT the mistakes you've made.  The chains, the bondages, the vows, the lies, ALL of it are not the end of YOU- HE has far greater plans for healing and freedom for you.  HE knows why you stack the bottles or maybe stash the bottles.  HE knows why you swallow the pills and steal to get them. HE knows the weight of guilt and shame you carry in keeping the lie.  HE SEES you striving for acceptance, HE knows the performance, the intricate song and dance you do every single day to keep up appearances that you are indeed okay, for if anyone truly knew the real you, they would run.  HE knows why you shop and why you STUFF yourself, your home, your family, and your life and those around you.  HE knows the addictions you have been battling, the one where you promise "this is the last time."  HE knows what you've had to do to maintain your lifestyle, and HE knows what you too have become the manager of.  HE knows the pain you are masking, and the pain you STUFF deep down, and why you self-medicate and even why you self-harm.  HE knows why you began to take things, to help you cope, to help you survive another day.   HE knows, HE SEES you, not as a thief, not as a failure, but as HIS BELOVED child.  Dear One who is reading this, HE loves you, HE knows and HE has good plans for your life.  Cry out to JESUS, ask HIM to BE the LORD AND SAVIOR of your life.  HE is there waiting, HE loves you.  HE will fight for you, HE will teach you to fight to GET FREE, to BE FREE, to STAY FREE.  This is my fervent prayer for every soul that reads this GOD Breathed, Heaven sent blog post.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love, empathy, and deep compassion,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather