"just a book"

When I started out on this latest journey that I am on with HIM, I had just read the entire New Testament, and something within me stirred, and the craving for "more" began to overwhelm me.  Daily I would read HIS word, and soon my bible became so much more than "just a book," to me, it became my way of life.

HIS Daily Teachings today was to remind me that while I don't always see it that way, HIS word, HIS truth, is so much more than, "just a book."  Throughout the past 9 months I have had several people say to me, "I tried reading the bible, and it doesn't make sense to me.  All the bible is, is a book full of regulations and rules, to show me how bad I am.  I don't like the way it talks, it doesn't make sense, and how could it ever apply to my life?  It's "just a book," that is filled with stories, and of other people's interpretations of GOD and what HE has done.  How do you really know that it is GOD who is talking to you, and how do you hear HIM?"

As I began to meditate on knowing that HIS word, HIS gift to me is more than "just a book," HE blessed me with this very thought, written beautifully by Kay Warren in "Choose JOY"

"GOD uses dark times in our lives to reveal HIS Majesty, to show us that HE is the Creator, the Sustainer, the Deliverer, the Redeemer.  HE is the Almighty, the Everlasting One, the source of life.  HE is above us, HE is the one we can run to."

How comforting it is to me, to know that HE is all of those things, and that I have been able to witness to each and everyone of those, all through HIS word, HIS gift, HIS JOY, all because HE has given me the eyes, and the knowledge to know that my bible is so much more than, "just a book."

HE is wanting me to know that HIS word is TRUTH, the only TRUTH that I will ever need to know and ever need to hear.  HE is teaching me that HIS word is the solid rock foundation of which I am to base my life on.  I know this to be true, as when HE began to take me through the breakthrough in my walk with HIM, some day's HIS word was the only thing that kept me going.  In the times where I have fallen so hard on my face, and I was so blinded by my tears, HE was there, filling me with HIS word, encouraging me, filling me with HIS hope, and blessing me with HIS joy.

When I think back to the time during my pregnancy with my second son, I know that HE was there, every single moment.  I had many difficulties in my pregnancy, starting from day 1.  In the times where I doubted, cried, and agonized of what to do, HE was there, leading me every single step of the way.  It didn't matter what book I read, or what song I listened to, or what message the Pastor gave at church, it was all theme related, and was designed specifically to help me through the very things that threatened mine and my unborn son's existence.

I am thankful that I have been able to experience a life being blessed by HIS joy, as I am learning that HIS JOY is the only true source for my strength.  HE is wanting me to know and understand HIM in a way that I will speak only HIS truth, and that is that HIS truth, HIS word, HIS gift, is the only thing I can truly rely on.

HE is reminding me today that my bible, HIS gift to me, is the only thing that I can rely on, as everyone in my life, my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my pastor, my church, EVERYTHING will let me down, and disappoint me at some point or another.  This is hard for me, as I have come to rely on all of those things to help me get through this life that I have been given to live.  Reading, and knowing that in the end we all fall short of the GLORY of GOD blows my mind.  Even when I "think" someone is a good person, when I read what HIS word tells me, even the most RIGHTEOUS person falls short.  

HE is wanting me to know HIS truth is not to break my relationships, and faith in people, but rather build my dependence on HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me.  HE is telling me that the only source of happiness, and hope and JOY that I need to be seeking is through HIM.  I am learning that I am able to understand what this means, because my bible has become so much more than "just a book" to me. 

HE is teaching me that I must write HIS words on my heart, and speak of them often.   HE is telling me that I must meditate on HIS word daily, so that when the storms rage, and the waters rise in my life, I will turn to the only source of strength that I need.   Today HE is reminding me of how much I need HIM, through a song by Bethany Dillon "All I need" 

"When the day is done. And there's no one else around.  While I'm lying here in bed,  You're in my heart, You're in my head,  You're all I need, You're all I need.  There are a million voices.  Calling out my name.  But You're the One I want to hear,  So make the others disappear.  You are all I need, when I'm surrounded.  You are all I need,  if I'm by myself.  You fill me when I'm empty,  There is nothing else  You're all I need "

HE is teaching me that HIS word, is NOT just to show me all that I have done wrong, and have been doing wrong, but rather to fill me with HIS peace, HIS hope that my soul craves.  HE is wanting be to filled by HIS "Blessed Assurance" that HE is there, in the midst of my happiness, and my sorrow.  HE is wanting me to to make HIS word, HIS gift to me, my bible to be my "go to" source for strength, hope, peace, love, joy, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.  

HE is reminding me that HE made me exactly the way that I am, and HE knows how I handle things, and how I react to things happening to me in my life.  I have been able to learn this through HIS word, HIS Daily Teachings for my life, are to show me just how well HE knows me.  Through the daily themes of which HE has placed in my life, through the people, and books that HE has blessed me with to show me, exactly what HIS plans, and HIS purpose is for my life.  I am thankful that HE pursues me as much as HE does, as I would have given up on myself a long time ago, and I'm pretty sure other people would have as well.   

"But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." Job 23:10

"When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight,

for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty." Jeremiah 15:16

I am thankful that when my words fail me to describe what HIS word means to me, I  know all I have to do is open HIS gift, my bible and the words will come spilling out, and HIS truth will be shared.  I am comforted by HIS word this morning that HIS way is the only way for my life, and I know this because HIS word has become so much more to me than "just a book."

"The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes." Psalm 19:8

"Your statutes are my heritage forever;they are the joy of my heart." Psalm 119:111

"Do good to your servant according to your word, Lord.Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I trust your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold." Psalm 119:65-72

I pray today that when you seek HIM, you will find HIM, and you will come to know that  your bible is so much more than "just a book."  I pray that you will know that HIS word, is HIS gift to you.  I pray that you will have the courage to seek HIM, and to know HIM, so that you too can be filled with HIS joy, HIS hope, HIS love, HIS grace, HIS mercy, and HIS forgiveness.  I pray that you will come to know that HE truly is your only source for true strength, and that you will know that when all else falls away from your life, HE is there, HE is waiting, waiting for you to seek HIM, to know HIM, all through HIS gift to you, which is so much more than "just a book."

Blessings,
Heather 

content with anticipation

I can remember when I was a little girl, and the anticipation that made me sick of waiting for Christmas morning.  I remember lying in my bed, thinking about fantasizing about each present that was to be for me, and how amazing each one would be.  I would lay there all night thinking about my gifts, and thinking about my siblings gifts, that I wouldn't be able to sleep, and most of the time I would end up with a HUGE stomach ache that by Christmas morning I would be sick.

HIS Daily Teachings today was to remind me that the same anticipation that I lived with on Christmas Eve is exactly the way that HE wants me to view each day of my life.  HE is working hard on my heart that I need to understand the importance of living content with anticipation so that I will be ready for HIS next blessings that HE wants to pour over my life.

This morning HE reminded me of years ago when D and I were newly married with two little girls when we were new in our faith just how fragile I was with contentment.  We had gone to a party for our couples group through church.  I remember walking through the door with my mouth wide open.  I was in awe, as I had never seen a house so big before, or one that everything matched the way it did.  That would be the start of the discontentment that would haunt me for the next almost twelve years of my life.  

Since that day D and I have moved at least six times, and with each home we had I "tried" my best to make our home feel like I did that did in that house we visited all those years ago.  With each home we painted, and decorated I was left feeling "empty."  D would become so frustrated with me and not understand why I thought that new furniture, or things would make us happy.  I was starting to believe that he didn't want me to be happy, or us to be happy, and slowly the discontentment grew and my heart became even more bitter and sour.

A year ago this month, I began to pray that GOD would bless us with a larger home. At the time of my prayer D and I were getting ready to lead a small group, and our home at that time was very small.  I prayed that HE would bless us with a larger home so that we could host more people.  When I prayed I poured my heart out to HIM of all my hopes, dreams, and desires I had for our family.  Little did I know just how BIG HE would answer my prayers, and even as I was writing today, I failed to see just how BIG HE answered my prayers.

This morning I realized that the home I prayed for a year ago, and longed for all these years is now here.  I am living in it.  We have nice furniture, and is beautifully decorated.  GOD knew the desires of my heart, and placed so many wonderful people in our path to bless us with the beautiful things to decorate our home with. HE reminded me of my dear friend L who blessed us with most of our decor for our living room, and because of her our home looks exactly the way I had envisioned it looking all those years ago.

HE is wanting me to know that even without realizing it over the years HE has taught me to live content with anticipation over what HE is going to do next for me.  HE is telling me that I must get my heart and mind determined to be living content with anticipation.  I am learning that this means, that while it is okay for me to dream BIG, I must open my eyes to see just how BIG my dreams are already coming true.   I must see just how blessed I am.

HE is teaching me the importance of me understanding that my JOY is found in HIM and HIM alone.  I must not look to people, places, or things to make me happy.  No amount of money, or things will EVER even come close to compare to living a life content with anticipation of what HE can, and will do next.  

"The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful." Matthew 13:22

When we first moved into our current home, D and I were excited to make our house a home.  With that anticipation came the wants, the needs, the desires to make it just so.  Very quickly HE captured my heart that it wasn't about the things that would make our house a home, but rather the people in it.  Making sure that each person was content with their surroundings, and what HE was doing in our lives was of the up most importance. 

Sadly, it would take months for all of us to get on the same page, myself included.  This past Sunday we had a family meeting that turned sour within moments of it beginning.  All because I have failed to live my life content with anticipation.  Or at least going beyond saying that is what I am doing, and actually doing it.  Now there is a concept, saying what you mean to say, and meaning what you say.  Practicing what you preach.  Ouch!  

In my search for how to be content, HE has lead me to this thought, "what is it that will make me content?"  Today I am learning that NOTHING will make me content except HIM!  I must get my focus off "if only" and get it focused on choosing to living content with anticipation!

"Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” Luke 12:15

HE is reminding me today where my treasure really lies.  That is with HIM, as I am not here striving to see all of the material things that I can possess, but rather being WHO HE calls me to be, by speaking HIS truth, and HIS word, and being the hands and feet of JESUS, and living my life with integrity, that brings ALL praise, honor, glory and power to HIS HOLY and RIGHTEOUS name!  After all, living content with anticipation is the only thing I can take with me, as when my time on Earth here is through all I will have left to take is my relationship with HIM, and because it is my #1 hearts desire for HIM to know me, and for me to be known by HIM and to hear HIM say "Well done MY good and faithful servant," then I must do what it is that HE is telling me!  I must get my heart focused on living content with anticipation!

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

I am learning that choosing to live content with anticipation means, not wanting what my neighbor or friends have, but rather being content with what I have right now, and living in anticipation of the wonderful blessings that are to come.  After all, HE has proven to me time and again just how much HE loves to pour HIS favor and blessings over my life, therefore I must get my heart, and mind focused on what HE is telling me to do, and let go of my "great expectations" that are destroying all avenues for me to live content with anticipation.

I am loving how each day HE takes HIS Daily Teachings to the next level for me.  Yesterday HE left me feeling embarrassed and ashamed of how wrong I have been in my "great expectations" for my husband and my children.   So much that I secretly wished that the blog would just be erased for that day.  I even contemplated deleting yesterday's entry, as it was all too much to face.  

Today however, I am thankful that HE opened my eyes so wide to HIS teachings so that I would be able to truly understand and put into practice how HE is wanting me to live my life.  I am thankful that HE has shown me that the PEACE that I am longing for is found in HIM.  I am thankful to know that all my HOPE, and all of my JOY is found in HIM.  I am thankful that HE captured my heart 9 months ago, and took me through a "breakthrough" just like HE promised.  I am thankful that HE has been, and will continue to transform and renew my heart so that I will leave my past life of living as a discontent, bitter, sour person.  I am thankful that through HIS Daily Teachings HE is showing me HIS plans, and HIS purpose for my life, and that HIS next plan is for me to truly understand and grasp what it means to live content with anticipation.

I used to think that Philippians 4:13 was only meant for me when it came to physical strength.  Today though, HE has revealed that it is about my emotional strength too.  For the past 9 months HE has shown me that I have allowed myself to be so emotionally lead, and because of that I have failed to realize that I can choose JOY, that HIS JOY is there, and it is mine for the taking.  HIS word today has filled me with the encouragement that I can choose to live a JOY filled, content with anticipation life!

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Today I am thankful that I can choose to live my life with HIS peace, and content as I know that HE can, will, and does meet all of my needs in abundance.  I am thankful that I can choose to seek HIS joy no matter what the circumstances are in my life.  I am thankful that HE has chosen me to live this very life that I have been blessed with, and I am thankful for the opportunities that HE has given me, and will continue to give me to understand truly what it means to live content with anticipation.

I pray today that you too will have the courage to live your life content with anticipation.  I pray that you will know that HIS JOY is there for you, all you have to do is seek HIM, and you will find HIM.  I pray for HIS favor and blessings to be poured over your life through your obedience. I pray that you will know that the content, peaceful, joyful life that you crave is there, it's yours for the taking, you just need to claim it!

Blessings,
Heather 

"great expectations"

I met my husband of now 15 years when I was just 16 years old.  In the next couple of months it will be 19 years since the day we met in my driveway.  For the past two weeks GOD has been working hard on me about transforming this idea of JOY in my mind.  So often I have placed all my "thinking" that my JOY is going to be found in my husband.  

The other night D and I went out to dinner, as we have decided that after 19 years we both have changed so much, and it's time that we get to know one another better.  We began asking each other questions, and began to share our hopes and dreams with one another.  Somewhere in the middle of our conversation my thoughts went to this, " seriously, 19 years and you asked me that?!?  How can you NOT know me by now?"  I was astonished that D failed to understand, still after ALL this time what my expectations are for him in our marriage.

Oh, not following me, well let me break it down for you.  D is to be my loving husband, who loves and supports me ALWAYS.  Who is to NEVER question me, and to know that my intentions are always the BEST.  He is supposed to build me up with songs of praise, and speak highly of me to EVERYONE he meets.  He is to write all over social media just HOW blessed he is, so that anyone and EVERYONE that reads his words will instantly be filled with jealousy.  He is to be home on time every night, and rush through the door and capturing me in his embrace, and tell me how much he missed me, has counted the minutes we were apart,  and how much adores me.  He is to buy me things just because, and EVERY holiday, birthday, special day he is to make all of these grand romantic gestures.  Oh and speaking of romance, he is to write me love letters, and poems, and recite his love, daily, as well I am just that special. If ever there is a time where he questions whether or not I am worth it, he is to remember ALL that I have been through and know that I am worth it, and that I deserve it.

Just reading this, makes me want to gag, well that and hide my face from embarassment.  HE is wanting me to know today that by having me write my "great expectations" down was NOT HIS intention to emmbarass me, but to show me that my "great expectations" are getting in the way of HIS JOY for my life.  HE is wanting me to see that I forget that D is human too, with his own problems and who is on his own journey of choosing JOY through HIM.

HE is wanting me to know that my "great expectations" not only lie with my husband but also with my children. So often I expect them to just know that they OWE me, after all I gave birth to them, and have raised them from day one.  I have sacrificed so much for them, and I give up so many of my wants so that theirs can be fulfilled.  They should be singing songs of praise to me, and bragging about how awesome their mom is.  They should be going on social media as well and tell how great I am, and how blessed they are, as I truly am a great mom to them, and I deserve ALL of their praise.

Ok, so I'm cringing at these words, as I am thinking, "am I really that self centered?"  HE is wanting me to know that NO amount of chocolate, t.v., friendships, praise, love will EVER be enough.  HE is wanting me to know that the "more" I crave, the thirstiness I have can only be quenched through HIM.  HE is telling me that in order to fully understand what HE can, will, and does for me is by letting go of my "great expectations" and look to HIM to fulfill ALL of my needs.

Today HE is teaching me that my children are just like me, in their neediness.  They too need HIS JOY, and when I place my "great expectations" on them, well then why wouldn't they do the same to me and to other people? 

"Our children are not here to meet our need for appreciation."  Kay Warren "Choose JOY"

A few years ago I came to the realization that my children are needy little people.  Little people who need, and who take, and who take, and take and take. When I feel as if though I have NOTHING left to give, they take some more.  Their job is NOT to praise me, so if I am looking for praise, I need to look to some where else for praise.

HE is wanting me to know that my "great expectations"  make it difficult for my children to relate to me, as I alienate them when I place things on them that they could possibly meet.  The same goes for my marriage to my husband.  When I expect things from him, that he can't possibly meet, when my demands are so outrageous it is a fail right from the start.  

HIS Daily Teachings today is to show me how my "great expectations" are filled with false JOY, and how I miss out on HIS JOY when I fail to see that.  HE is wanting me to know that not only do I have "great expectations" with my husband and my children, but I do so also with my friends.

When I think back on some of the most difficult friendships I have ever had, I remember feeling so drained, as the person simply took what they needed, and left me high and dry.  So often whenever I am telling a friend about my hardships, or vice versa,  when either I or they fail to see and understand what is really going on, I know that I tend to walk away saying to myself, "well they couldn't possibly understand where I am coming from, as they haven't lived my life."  My attitude is revolved around building myself up to believe my "great expectations" that well, they should just know.  

"We're expecting the people in our lives to meet needs they cannot meet.  They were never supposed to."  Kay Warren "Choose JOY"

HE is wanting me to know that the "great expectations" that I have placed in others, can and will only be met through HIM.  HE is telling me that I must choose to stop looking to other people, places, and things which are all false JOY to fill me up.  I must choose to seek HIM and when I do I know that I will find HIS JOY. I must understand that it is through the calm and the storms of my life, HIS JOY is there to be found.  I must choose HIS JOY, so that when the storms rage, and the waters rise, it is HIS JOY that will sustain me, and it is then that I will be able to speak of HIS JOY, and that my faith will become contagious.  

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

HE is wanting me to know that the things that I expect from my family and friends, I must seek through HIM.  I am learning that rather than whining and complaining about how unfairly I am being treated, I must praise HIM, as when I am struggling, and waiting for my expectations to be met, it is then that my character will be formed, and my faith in HIM will be stretched, and my "true colors" will be revealed as to WHO I am because of WHOSE I am.  I now more than ever understand that importance of being WHOSE I am, in every situation and circumstance that happens in my life.  I am thankful to serve such a loving GOD who will continue to remind me that every single moment of my journey with HIM.  I am thankful for the opportunities to get it right, and know that when I fail, as I do daily, HE is there, ready, and waiting to pick me up, place me back on me feet, and is waiting patiently for me to say, "LORD JESUS I need YOU, please teach, lead, and guide me throughout my day today.  Show me your ways.  Transform and renew my heart to be just like yours.  Help me understand that the only "great expectations" I should have will be those that bring ALL honor, glory, and praise to YOUR name." 

I pray today that HE will reveal to you what your "great expectations" are that are keeping you from HIS JOY.  I pray that you will understand that the "more" you are looking for can only be found in HIM.  I pray that you will know that HE is there, and HE is waiting to supply all of your needs.

Blessings,
Heather 

"true colors"

For the past six days I have been sick.  It is not lost on me that six days ago was my last journal entry, and it was on that day that HE was teaching me that I must choose to be a "JOY model."  Though I "thought" I understood what that meant for my life, I quickly found out that when HE feels as if though I am not getting it, HE can, will, and does bring me to my knees.  Well this time HE didn't just bring me to my knees, HE brought me flat on my back, and made sure that I was "bed ridden."  Well I can assure you that I most definitely was "bed ridden."  

As each day passed my pain increased, and my fevers spiked, the more medicine I took the more "less" of me I felt.  However, through it all, I could hear HIM say, "Where is your JOY Heather?"  It was during one the worst moments of my sickness, where it hurt too much to open my eyes, that I was laying in my bed, feeling completely beat down where HE said to me, "Where is your JOY?"  With that I threw both of my arms in the air and started singing "Redeemer" which just so happens to be my five year old son's favorite song.  All I could think of is the line of "runs to the weary the worn and the weak, and the same gentle hands, that hold me when I'm broken, they conquered death to bring me victory!  I know my Redeemer lives!"  The more I sang the better I felt, even though my fever was increasing, my JOY was intensifying.

HIS Daily Teachings is bringing me back to that moment in my room where HE revealed HIMSELF to me in a way where I have failed to see HIM before, and that is when I am broken, hurt, and in pain, HE is there, all I have to do is seek HIM and I will find HIM as HE will meet me right where I am.  HE is wanting me to know that I am able to understand this because I have chosen to allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through my faith in HIM.

HIS Daily Teachings today was to let me know that it is in those moment's where I am feeling down and out, how I handle the circumstances of my life, reflects upon the level of faith that I have.  HE is wanting me to know that my "true colors" will shine through about where my faith really lies where the going gets tough.  HE is telling me that if my reaction is no better than someone who doesn't believe, then why would anyone ever want to choose HIM just because I say I am a CHRISTIAN, and I claim that I am saved? 

This morning HE is wanting me to know that my "true colors" must reveal this just as it has been written:

"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” Psalm 126:2

This quote in my current read called "Choose JOY" really laid heavy on my heart  "I would believe in their salvation if they look a little more like people who have been saved" Friedrich Nietzsche

HE is wanting me to know that it is one thing for me to claim I am a "CHRISTIAN," and it is quite another for me to live as a "CHRIST follower."  Today HE has been revealing to me what my "true colors" truly do look like.  HE is wanting me to know that when a person first meets me I should just be oozing of JESUS.  Sadly, because I am human, and well selfish, I know that is NOT always the case, and many time I fall so short of being even remotely close to modeling JESUS.

HE is wanting me to know that HE wants me to show my "true colors" to everyone I meet, and that means being WHO HE calls me to be, and NOT WHO I want to be.  Therefore, I must choose to be the woman of GOD HE has been, is and, will continue to build me to be.

This is difficult for me, as I am a selfish person, and I like to hold grudges every now and then.  Honestly who doesn't?  When I feel as if though I am being treated unfairly sometimes, I act immature, I don't always handle it in the best way.  When I feel someone is being mean to someone else, I tend to get angry at them, and sometimes I wish ill-will on them.  

This morning HE has revealed to me that though I don't often wish ill-will on real life people, I do however in shows I watch, or books I read, and HE is wanting me to know that even though they aren't "real" if I am not careful in choosing my words wisely, they can, will, and do spill over into my real-life.  HE is wanting me to know that the words that spill will be my very "true colors" of who I am identified by.  YIKES!  It saddens me to think that I could be known as a judgemental, selfish, sarcastic, mean person, all because of  my actions towards someone.  

HE is really wanting me to understand that when I decided to follow HIM, all eyes were on me.  All eyes have remained upon me, and will continue to be upon me, especially since I am writing this very blog.  HE is wanting me to know that because I am in the spotlight per say, I must be sure that my "true colors" are really HONORING and GLORIFYING to HIM.  This means, NO matter what I may be going through, storms or not, everything I say and do is a reflection of my faith.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

I am learning that it is during my times of trials where my faith is being stretched, and in the seasons growing, HE can, will, and does reveal to me my "true colors." This past week HE revealed to me my "true colors" during my sickness when I sang to HIM, and worshiped HIM.  I could have just as easily laid there and cursed GOD for not loving me enough to keep me from getting sick.  Rather, I thanked HIM for the opportunity to seek HIM, and to depend and rely on only HIM.  To be able to declare that HE is the GOD who saves, WHO heals, WHO loves, WHO cares for me the most.  I am thankful that I passed this test, however, I am aware that another is just around the corner, and that I must not lose sight that I can become easily side-tracked and miss the whole point of HIS teachings in the next moment. 

This past week has been all about me choosing and seeking HIS JOY when all I really wanted to do was lay in my bed, cry, and feel sorry for myself.  Thankfully HE loves me enough to capture my heart, and my attention and kept me focused on HIM and blessing me with the knowledge that everything is in HIS timing and provision, NOT mine.  I am thankful to have been given the opportunities this past week to seek HIM and to be able to choose HIS JOY in the midst of my pain.

"No matter what you "say" you believe, or what others "think" you believe, there's no hiding or pretending when the bottom falls out." Kay Warren "Choose JOY"

HE is wanting me to know that my faith "true colors" will show in those moments, not to HIM, as HE already knows, but to me, to teach me, and to show me WHO I really am and where my heart is really at.  In seeking HIS vision for my life, the same theme has been playing over and over in my head, and that is, getting my heart focused on what is on HIS.  I must die unto myself, pick up my cross, and seek HIM.  I must choose HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my life with HIM, as HIS plans are truly what is best for me.

HE has been revealing my "true colors" to me about how I feel about certain people in my life.  I, just like everyone else have certain people who annoy me.  On a daily basis.  To the point of where, I talk to myself, as if I am talking to them.  What HE is wanting me to know is that I am not just talking to myself, but rather I am talking to HIM, and I am disobeying HIM, when I am saying anything that is less than HONORING to HIM.  UGH!!!  Okay, so let me be clear, today's daily teachings, is really putting me through the ringer, as I didn't really "feel" like growing this much today!  Whew, now that my ego is out of the way, I should probably tell you that HE is letting me know that those "annoying" people are in my life for HIS plan, and HIS purpose for my life!  "Sigh" deep breath, okay, so now that I know this, I know that I must ask HIM to give me a clean heart about them, and show me WHO I am supposed to be for them.  Not for me, or really for them, but for HIM.

HE is wanting me to know that is through those "annoying" people that HE has placed in my life that I will learn HIS greatest lessons and that is to love just as HE loves, to extend grace as it has been given to me, and  to forgive just as I, Heather a sinner have been forgiven.  HE is wanting me to know that even when I "think" I understand what HE is telling me, HE can, will, and does always take it to the next level.

" Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky" Philippians 2:14-15

How many times I have taught this very concept to my own children, and yet I have failed to do the same? 

"The bible says our faith-life should provide a stark contrast to the life of unbelievers, so much that it would be like looking at a brilliant star against the inky blackness of a dark night sky-- you can't help but notice the difference."  Kay Warren "Choose JOY"

HE is wanting me to know that instead of doing what the world says, "every man for himself."  I must ask what can I, Heather do for others?  How can I help them?  How can I, Heather, a Sinner, share my faith, my testimony, as a message of HIS hope so that they too will find hope in HIM?

"If being a Christian makes no difference in the way we respond to problems, what good is our faith?" Kay Warren "Choose JOY"

Oh my goodness, is it HOT in here, or is it just me?  Whew I can feel the heat today.  HE is asking me how can I write about HIS Daily Teachings, and then NOT apply them to my own life?  How can I expect anyone to seek HIM, unless I choose to seek HIM myself?  

HE is wanting me to know, now that I understand that, I will then be able to get my heart right, and focused on HIM, and it is then that my "true colors" will truly bring all praise, honor, glory, and power to HIS HOLY and RIGHTEOUS NAME!

One final thought for today, am I more of a Christian because I go to church every Sunday?  Or is it because I memorize scripture?  Or maybe because I choose to engage in a bible study everyday?  Or do my "true colors" reveal that really I am just like everyone else, all because I put ME first, and HIM last.  I choose my selfish fleshly desires, over what HE tells me to do.  What makes a Christian?  What do your "true colors" reveal?

I pray today that you seek HIM and HE will reveal to you your "true colors."  I pray that you will not lose heart, as we all fall short of the glory of GOD.  I pray that you will know the good news is HE loves you, and HE wants to transform and renew your heart to be just like HIS.  I pray today you will have the courage to stop being like everyone else, and seek HIM as HIS plans are perfect for your life.

Blessings,
Heather 

"conditioned"

Yesterday a situation arose in my life, and instead of choosing joy, I chose to be sad.  I even cried, over something that might have seemed minor to some, but as for me, it held great meaning, and in the end I was left in tears, and trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.

As the tears began to fall I felt such a deep sadness in my heart, as the judgment that was being placed upon me was unfair, and made me feel unworthy.  HIS Daily Teachings today was to let me know that in order to survive those types of attacks, I must allow my heart to be conditioned.

As I struggled to understand how something as minor as that could have wreaked havoc on my whole world for moments yesterday, HE called upon me early this morning at 3:45 a.m. by saying, "Come to me, and I will show you the JOY that is to be found."  So rather than refusing to get up, I got up journaled a quick prayer telling HIM, "Lord oh how I need YOU!"  As always HE has been with me every single step of the way.

HE is wanting me to know that if ever I am wondering where JOY comes from, all I need to do is look to HIM.  HE is telling me that the laughter that I have in my life, is all a gift from HIM.  Just as HIS JOY is HIS gift to me.

"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:21

"Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional, we cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy." Tim Hansel

How true those words are for me.  When I think back on the times in my life, where I have been in so much pain, I realize that even then there was JOY to be found.  However, due to the circumstances in my life, I was unable to understand and grasp that HIS JOY has always been there for the taking.

HE is wanting me to know and understand that in order to live a JOY filled life, I must first allow my heart to be conditioned into seeking and then receiving HIS JOY.  This for me is such a foreign concept, and as I struggle with understanding, and I am comforted by Kay Warrens words in the book "Choosing JOY"

"Joy does not come easily to me; I'm definitely more of a glass-half empty kind of gal.  In fact, I've struggled with low level depression as far back as I can remember."

It is comforting to me when GOD shows me that I am not alone in my struggles, that even a wife of a Pastor, and very well know Pastor (Rick Warren, Saddleback Church) that she too struggles with choosing JOY.  In reading this very book that I bought with clenched teeth, HE is teaching me that even though I am a writer, and seek HIM daily, I really need help in the JOY department.  HE is wanting me to know that in order for me to be able to seek HIS JOY and choose HIS JOY amidst the storms of my life, I must first allow my heart to be taught and conditioned.

HE is wanting me to know that the moment when I "choose" to forgo making sure my heart is conditioned for HIS JOY, that is when the darkness "bites at my heels."  Today HE is wanting me to know that in order to prevail over the darkness that threatens my very existence, I must choose to follow HIM, and HIS teachings for my life.  I must let go of what the world tells me to do, and I must obey HIS commands, and let go..... and let HIM show me the JOY, HIS JOY that is there for me to delight in.

Though I didn't journal that word "delight" HE had me type it, and as I am sitting here thinking about it, I am feeling overwhelmed, as I am hearing from HIM, "Hey Heather, I know life is tough and all, but just remember this, even in, or especially in your times of trouble I want you to seek ME, and you will find my JOY and I want you to delight in my JOY."  My response is goes something like this, "Gee GOD that's great and all that you want me to delight in YOU, but do YOU not see what pain I am in?  How badly I am struggling right now?  Why me LORD, why must I always be the bigger person?  Why must I always be the person to take the first step in letting go and forgiving someone for wronging me?  Why must I always be the one to grow and learn YOUR ways, why not them LORD?  Why can't someone else do it for a change?  Don't YOU see how weary I have become in doing everything that is right, when all around me, everywhere I go it is all going wrong?"

HE is teaching me that even in the midst of my pain, suffering, and grief there is JOY to be found.  This has proven to be a HUGE challenge for me, as my whole life has been centered around many moments of tremendous pain, suffering, and grief.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. " James 1:2-3

As I read HIS words I felt like saying, and well I journaled "WHAT?",thinking that some days I am just hanging on by the skin of my teeth, and I am thrilled to having been able to just "survive" the hellacious day I have just endured.

HIS Daily Teachings today is all about teaching me how to let HIM transform and renew my heart, to allow it to be conditioned so that I will then be able to choose to seek HIM in the midst of my sorrow and ultimately choose to declare HIS JOY.  HE is wanting me to know that HE knows when everything around me is falling apart and it is when my whole world is caving in, that HE wants me to know HE can, will, and does find me every single time.  HE is wanting me to know that just in recognizing that HE is always there, that is my opening my self up to having my heart be conditioned by HIM. 

This morning I am being reminded of how HE finds me when I fall apart, by a song by Josh Wilson "Fall Apart"   This morning the lyrics are really making sense to me, and are bringing me so much comfort that HE is there, and HE can, will, and does find me every single time I fall apart.

"Cause my whole world is caving in,  But I feel You now more than I did then,  How can I come to the end of me,  And somehow still have all I need? God, I want to know You more, Maybe this is how it starts,  I find You when I fall apart" 

HE is wanting me to know that HE knows and HE sees when my whole world is falling apart, and today HE is teaching me that it is in those moments that I must choose to seek HIM, and HIS will, HIS plan, and HIS purpose for my life, as they are all filled with HIS JOY!  

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Even as I read this for the third time, I am still struggling with the concept that I am supposed to choose JOY even in pain.  That especially in pain, as I know that none of my pain and suffering is for naught, that it is all for HIS plan and HIS purpose for my life, to grow me, and strengthen my faith in HIM.  That it is through all these moments of pain, suffering, and grief that HE finds me, and HIS JOY is to be found by me.  That I am to delight in HIS JOY, as it is the rainbow to my darkened world, and it is the sunshine to my cloudy days. Wow, just WOW, I am overwhelmed by this very thought, and I am thankful that HE will stop at nothing to make sure that I get it, and write it on my heart, and not only that I choose to BELIEVE it, but that I choose to LIVE it!

I am learning that JOY is a choice, therefore I must choose to be JOYFUL so that I will be open to HIS blessings that HE wants and desires to shower me with.  HE is telling me that when I choose to forgo seeking HIS JOY, that is when I miss out on HIS blessings, and that saddens HIM, as I am HIS daughter and HE loves me. WHO I am, is HIS, and HE loves me, and wants and knows what is best for me, and it is because I know that I know that I must choose to seek HIS JOY daily.

HE is telling me that even when my life seems unbearable, I, Heather can allow my heart to be conditioned to seek, recognize, and declare HIS JOY.  Therefore, I must choose HIS JOY daily for my life!

"The story of your life is the story of a long brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it." John Eldredge

A while ago, HE revealed to me that Satan is threatened so much by my very existence that he has been trying to wipe me off the face of this earth, since the very moment of my conception.  HE is wanting me to know that the enemy knows that I am a force to fear and that I am warrior of the KINGS army, and that all the attempts to wipe me off the face of the earth have only brought me even closer to GOD, my CREATOR, my SAVIOR, my HEALER, my REDEEMER, my PROTECTOR, my PRINCE OF PEACE,  WHO is my BEST FRIEND JESUS.

HE is teaching me that Satan doesn't want me to allow my heart to be conditioned by HIM, and the enemies plans are to keep me trapped in my own prison of despair.  This morning I am understanding why GOD placed conversations in my path these past few days.  Once of which was about suicide.

If you haven't read in my blog in the past, I struggled for many years with suicidal thoughts, and the very thought of breathing another moment seemed  painfully unbearable.  I was truly in the "darkest hours" of my life, and it was then, right there where HE found me.  HE began to condition my heart, and began to show me that in the midst of my tremendous, pain and suffering there was JOY to be found.  That JOY was my two daughters who were at the time ages 1 & 2.  

Though it has taken me many years to overcome those dark moments in my past, I truly believe that I have been able to overcome them because I have allowed my heart to be conditioned.    I know that it is because I choose to follow HIM daily, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me, that even in my "darkest hours" I can see right where HE was, is, and always will be.

HE is wanting me to know that I, Heather am destined to live a life that is full of HIS JOY.  HE is wanting me to know that I have been called to wake up every morning and seek HIM, and be filled by HIS word, so that my heart will be conditioned to seek HIS JOY.  I am learning that it has been through HIS Daily Teachings that I am able to understand the reason why I am to be choosing HIS JOY so that I will be able to live a truly blessed and peaceful  life.

I pray today that if you are experiencing pain and suffering, that you will turn to the one WHO loves you and allow your heart to be conditioned to HIS love, HIS grace, and HIS mercy.   I pray that HE will turn your mess, into HIS message, and that it will all be revealed to you in a way that you will know that it is HIS gift to you.  I pray for HIS blessings, and peace to be poured over your lives, as you choose HIS JOY in your life, and make JESUS the center of your life.

Blessings,
Heather 

"lemonade life"

Before the start of the New Year I went shopping with my sister-in-law at a book store.  While there I wasn't really finding any books that I "felt" I was supposed to read, until I saw this book titled "Choose Joy" by Kay Warren.  Almost immediately I began to dread that HE was going to tell me to buy this book, as I knew that this could very well be the next season of growing for me, and well to be quite honest, I was really wiped out from this last season of growing.  However, knowing just how much HE loves and cares for me, I knew that sooner or later HE would win, and it was just better that I obey right then.  So, that's just what I did, and I bought the book.  I came home that day and placed it in our office, and there it sat, that its until late last night where after a day of bible study, and journaling, and not blogging, and pure frustration on my part as I didn't hear anything from HIM yesterday.

From the moment I walked out of the store with this book, and my sister-in-law asked me what I bought, I said it with clenched teeth, "Choosing Joy," which then became her saying to me "Wow Heather, you seem so excited about that!"  Last night when I opened the book,  I knew I was in for a life change, and I couldn't have even begun to imagine just how much even one sentence would rock my world.

HIS Daily Teachings late last night, and early this morning has been about choosing JOY when life hands you lemons.  It has all been centered around that saying, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."  So there it is, choosing to live a "lemonade life," I'm almost cringing at what HE is going to reveal to me about myself throughout this season of growing.

As always, HE is revealing to me that when everything is going great, it is so easy for me to be happy, however, when things don't play out in my favor, and life gets hard, and I struggle, well lets just say I allow myself to become completely wiped out.  I really struggle with that saying about life and lemons, and well honestly, sometimes in my humanness, I choose to be self wallowing, and just want to throw my pity party!

HE is wanting me to know that through all of the heartaches, bitterness, unfulfilled longings, broken promises, disappointments, and grief, HE has been there, and will continue to be.  However, through most of those times, I  have failed to see HIM there, and I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, and once again HE is revealing to me that in choosing NOT to seek HIM and HIS joy during these times, I allow Satan and his demons to wipe away my very existence.

HE is showing me that in my past whenever life has gotten really hard, my attitude and thinking has gone straight to negative.  Almost instantly I begin to beat myself up about how stupid or foolish I have been.  I begin to repeat the heart changing lies that I hear inside my head.  I make agreement upon agreements about how I do NOT deserve the life that I am living.   I begin to agree with the thought that my family, my husband, my children would be so much better off without me.

HE is wanting me to know that the HE knows of the bondage and agreements that I made with Satan so long ago, and HE is wanting me to know that HIS good news is that I can have true freedom from all of that.  I am learning that even when I "think" I have grown so much, and begin to get a big head, and soar with confidence that "HEY GOD thanks for everything, but I've got this now..." well as always, HE will bring me right back down to earth, aka REALITY, and  HE will show me just exactly how much I don't know anything about what I "think" I know.

HE is wanting me to know that in HIM there is always JOY to be found, therefore when life hands me lemons, I must choose to make lemonade, that way I will be able to live a "lemonade life."   The more HE is telling me about this, the more I am struggling, as life is sometimes just down right hard, and "when it rains, well it pours." 

HE is showing me that I have been handed many lemons in my life, and HE is wanting me to know that through it all, HE has been there, and HE will continue to be there, all I have to do is seek HIM, and I will find HIM. HE is wanting me to know that it is time to break my life pattern of cruising along, growing in my faith, becoming stronger the more I seek HIM, and get to know HIM, only to be completely wiped out from one moment of despair.

Just thinking about that makes me cringe, as that is what I usually do.  Sadly HE is revealing to me that all it takes is one moment of despair that leads to my total "self destruction."  Thankfully even when I self destruct, it is no where near as bad as my "darkest hours," however, it usually takes me messing up a few times for me to know that all I need to be free from my self-destruction is HIM.  It's hard for me to think about and to know that  through my "self destruction" I allow myself to be crushed by the lemons, and I come undone, and I am left feeling broken, sad, and alone, and completely wiped out.

HIS Daily Teachings has been to let me know that when it seems as if though I am receiving NOTHING but lemons, I must choose to seek HIM and HIS JOY for my life.  I know that I must do that because HE has proven to me time and again that HIS plans, and HIS purpose for my life are what is best for me.  I am learning that I must get my mind focused, and my heart set on living a "lemonade life."

In order to live a "lemonade life," I am learning that I must let go of feeling sad, angry, and cheated.  I must ask HIM to create in my a new mindset and heart that is thankful for my struggles, as they are opportunities that are designed specifically for me, perfectly for me, so that I will grown, and my faith with strengthen in HIM.

This morning HE is taking me back to my most grievous of times, and HE is revealing to me that even in those times HIS JOY was there to be found, even when I couldn't see it HIS JOY was there, and this morning HE has revealed that JOY to be HIS freedom, my freedom to live a truly blessed life.  Once again HE is showing me that in my times of struggle, and pain HE is using it all for my good, HIS good, and through my writings, and you being able to read this will bring HIS hope, HIS peace, HIS grace, HIS joy, and HIS promise, that NEVER will HE leave you and NEVER will HE forsake you.

HE is telling me that from this day forward that when my life gets hard, I must see that during my times of struggle that is all opportunities for me to be able to choose HIS JOY.  Therefore, I must choose HIS JOY, and I must choose to live a "lemonade life," as I know that HIS plans are always going to be awesome for my life.

HE is wanting me to know and understand that it isn't just merely choosing moments of joy, but rather choosing to live a life-long authentic life that is only obtained by choosing HIS joy, and choosing to live a "lemonade life."  HE is telling me that the JOY that I must be seeking is one of which no matter how many lemons I am being given, I must choose to live a "lemonade life," and I must be sure that HE is glorified in every single situation I find myself in.

I am learning that in order to live a "lemonade life" then I must forget about being practical, and logical as the world tells me I am supposed to be.  I must hold onto HIS promise as it is written, that only HE knows the plans for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

HIS very words have been written on my heart, and it is in those moments of despair that I am thankful that I have learned them, declared them, and speak them so that I am not overcome by life lemons, and I am able to choose to live a "lemonade life."

In choosing to live a "lemonade life," HE is wanting me to know that it does not mean a life full of fear and worry.  HE is wanting me to know that choose to live a "lemonade life," means that I am choosing to live with HIS peace which comes from HIS grace, and HIS grace is the gift of everyday that I wake up and am given a fresh start to do things the right way, HIS way.  Today I am so thankful for HIS peace, from HIS grace, which is my do-over.

HE is wanting me to understand that in order for me to grow spiritually and mature, I must choose to seek HIS JOY in everything.   I am learning that until I seek HIS JOY in everything HE can't possible teach me, or lead me, or guide me through my next steps of my journey.  Once again, I am learning that I must die unto myself and I must choose to pick up my cross and follow HIM, and seek HIS JOY in everything.   Today I am learning that until I choose to truly live a "lemonade life," HE won't be able to take me to my steps of my journey.

If I have learned anything over the past nine months it's this:  I need HIM, every hour of every day, of every minute, of every single second.  I need HIM to teach, lead, and guide me so that I will be able to live a truly blessed life, that can only come from my freedom in HIM, as HE is the one WHO holds the keys to unlock my own prison, and I know that I can only be set free when I choose to seek  HIS JOY even when my whole worlds seems to crumble.  I am learning that the past nine months have been leading up to this moment to where I am truly able to fully understand and grasp the importance of living a "lemonade life." 

I pray today that if you too are being overwhelmed by life's lemons, that you will know that HE is there, all you have to do is seek HIM, and you will find HIM.  I pray that when you seek HIM, HE will reveal HIMSELF to you, and show you the plans HE has for your life.  I pray that you will receive HIS freedom in your life, so that you too will be able to live a "lemonade life." 

Blessings,
Heather