"just a writer"

Since the end of last year, and the start of this New Year, I have found myself unable to really focus on HIS Daily teachings for my life.  The truth is that for the past week I haven't even been in HIS word, or seeking HIS Daily Teachings for my life, as we were blessed by a visit from my wonderful sister-in law, and my three nieces, of whom I conveniently used as an excuse to NOT seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my days.  

It has been no surprise to me, that in my foolish thinking, and excuse making, that I have made many mistakes.  Mistakes of which have been redeemed by HIM, but only when I finally let go of my incessant "need" to control things.  This past month I have "tried" to control so many things, and I have made a complete disaster out of everything I "tried" to do on my own.  I even "tried" to control what I would write about, and even "tried" to write out posts that were venting about things that I am guilty of myself.

Now, I know what you are thinking, "humble pie" right?!?  Oh yeah, a HUGE slice!  HIS Daily Teachings today was to let me know that HE isn't interested in me being "just a writer."  NO HE is wanting me to know that what good is it that I know HIS words, speak HIS truth, write HIS words, write HIS truth, and yet amidst all of that I have failed to do the one thing that HE has been teaching me daily, and that is simply applying HIS words, HIS truth to my life.

Say wha???  Yeah, me, a sinner, a writer, a blogger, of HIS Daily Teachings..... argh!   I have done it again haven't I?  Yes, I have completely missed the mark of HIS Daily Teachings for my life, and once again I have made a HUGE mess of things, of which all have to be redeemed by HIM.  I, Heather, stubborn, and strong-willed have messed up once again, and have decided that I would much rather learn things the hard way, aka, "My way" then hearing HIM, and doing what HE tells me to do, when HE tells me to do it.

Even writing this out makes me cringe.  UGH!  How could I have been so blinded?  HE is wanting me to know that I must not get caught up in what I "think" I should be doing, rather I must seek HIM, and apply HIS teachings to my life, so that I will know HIM in every single area of my life.

HE is reminding me this morning of my prayer that I prayed on New Years Eve, and that was to know HIM in every single area of my life.  HE is wanting me to know that in order to know HIM, I must first die unto myself and seek HIM, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me every single step of my journey.

Today HE  has painted a mental picture for me of the train wreck that my life has been.  HE is showing me just how I have been starting off each of my days as of late.  HE is letting me see that I have been more concerned about being a writer, that I am about being taught by HIM, and applying what HE has been teaching me to my life.  

This pains me, as I have been on this journey with HIM for quite so time, and I am still missing the point.  HE is telling me that HE doesn't just want me to know HIS word in my head, rather HE wants me to know it in my heart.  Therefore, I must stop speaking HIS word like a know-it-all, (as clearly I know nothing) rather I must choose to believe HIS word, and speak HIS truth, with all of my heart, soul, and mind.  

"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37

" Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" Deuteronomy 6:5

"And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul"  Deuteronomy 10:12

"Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always." Deuteronomy 11:1

"So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul" Deuteronomy 11:13

"carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow—to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him and to hold fast to him" Deuteronomy 11:22

"you must not listen to the words of that prophet or dreamer.The Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 13:3

HE is revealing to me today through all of this scripture, HIS word as it is written, that I am to LOVE HIM, with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my mind, and with all of my strength.  Once again, HE is teaching me in themes, only this time it is through HIS word that I being taught.  Even before today's bible study, I had never realized that HIS commands have been written over and over that many times.  

I am learning that this is the very reason that HE has me type the same things over and over again, as when I do, I will then be able to apply HIS word, and HIS truth to my life.  Today I am learning that I am not supposed to be "just a writer," rather I am to live, breather, eat, and speak HIS word.  I am called to die unto myself and to pick up my cross daily and follow HIM.  I am to keep my ears open to HIM, so that I will then being to hear HIS "whispers" so that I will then be able to heed HIS "whispers."  I must continue to seek HIM daily, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me throughout every single step of my journey towards wholeness with HIM.  I must choose to let go......and let HIM, and allow HIM to humble me through HIS Daily Teachings.  I must choose to do what HE tells me to do, when HE tells me to do it.

Once again, because I have chosen to learn things the "hard way,"  I know that HE is going to continue speak HIS words, and HIS truth to my life, until, and well even long after I write it on my heart, speak it, BELIEVE it, eat it, and most importantly LIVE it! 

Through HIS loving reminder this morning as to why this blog was born in the first place is because the only way I am able to write anything, is because I have allowed myself to be lead by HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that HE can, will, and does block my ability to write when I am simply writing only to please my readers.  HE is wanting me to know that while HE intends to reach other's through my hott mess, that HE can, will and does allow it to become HIS message.  HE is wanting me to know that when I fail to see that it is all for HIS plan, and HIS purpose, and not of my own, then I will always miss the mark.  Therefore, I must meet HIM right where I stand, and see myself just as HE sees me, and that is NOT "just a writer."

Today I have once again been met by HIS grace.  In being met by HIS grace, everything else has fallen away.  HE is wanting me to know that in order to be met by HIS grace, I must listen to, obey, and apply HIS Daily Teachings to my life.  This means that I must choose to obey and do the things that I am writing about.  I must choose to be GOD honoring in all of my thoughts and actions.  

HE is wanting to me to know that HIS grace is HIS mercy mixed with HIS love.  I am so comforted in knowing that once again, through my failures and mistakes I am being met by HIS grace.  I am so thankful to know that HE is my light in my darkness, that HE is the lamp unto my feet, and that HE will teach, lead, and guide me, all I have to do is ask.  I am thankful that HE bore my sins, and that HE took the fall for me.  I am thankful that it is by HIS grace that I have been redeemed.  

"Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path." Psalm 119:105

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

I pray today that you will seek HIM, and when you do that you will be met by HIS amazing grace.  I pray that you will know that in your life, your NOT "just a...."  That you are exactly who HE intended you to be, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  I pray that even though you may be in a storm, you will seek HIM, and that you will know that  HE will lead you through the storm  I pray that HIS favor and blessings will be poured over your life when you declare that HE is LORD of your life.  

Blessings,
Heather