"the line"

This past week I have been sick, and with that sickness has come attitude.... One of which I am ashamed of having.  Attitude towards my family, friends, and even strangers.  An attitude that is not of gratitude, but that was full of harsh and angry words.  Words that I as a Mama of five would never want to hear come out of my children's mouths.  Words that cut deep, words that are demeaning, and words that just hurt.  Yesterday was no exception.  I in all of my attitude fought with my 14 year old daughter, the way a three year old fights over a toy.  Shamefully I did not handle things well.  In fact, after fighting I became defiant, and became if even possible more childish.  With my tantrum I decided to watch a show that my two oldest and I usually watch on Friday nights.  I didn't wait for her, and I believe I now understand why.

HIS Daily Teachings today was based on this past Thursday's episode of "Glee."  All it took was one line in the whole show to stop me in my tracks.... "what get's me in this line right here, it was his whole life."  Now if you don't watch the show, it was about the character Finn's death.  Also it was about the death of the actual actor Cory Monteith, who died way too young, and who left so many people heartbroken, and devastated.  His death was one of shock and disbelief, a tragic ending to a promising life.  His death has made me examine my own life, and has made me think about "the line" in my life.

Years from now when my life here on this side of heaven comes to a close there will be a line that separates the year from which I was born, to the year where I died.  Today GOD is wanting me to think about what "the line" represents in my life.  HE is wanting me to think about the legacy that I am wanting to leave, and I am most certain that it is not a legacy of attitude, but rather one full of gratitude and thanks.  A legacy that is full of love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

When I think about "the line" for my life, I want it to be one of grace, and humility.  I want it to be of integrity, and morals.  I want my family and friends to celebrate my life with joy in their hearts as I followed the LORD for the past however many years it will have been by then.  This morning HE is having me read "The Dash" by Linda Ellis.  As I was reading these lines of the poem really spoke volumes to me: "He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears,but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years."

This morning as I sit humbly typing my blog, I am thinking about what matter's most in my life. I think am I really living my life in a way that other's would know what truly matters most? Am I truly living my life in a way that GOD know's what truly matters most to me? Am I following HIM as I need to be? Or am I just being childish, and in need of a constant attitude adjustment? If you would have asked me this yesterday I probably would have gave you attitude, however today, this morning at 5:36 a.m. I am on my knees with my eyes welling up with tears, as I am seeking HIS forgiveness for "the line" of my life yesterday is not one of which I want to be remembered by. Yesterday was not me living for GOD and representing what truly matters most.

As I continued reading the poem, these next few lines cut deep into my heart:  If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand ​the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

Oh how I wish I would have read this yesterday morning, as it is the whole reason for our fight yesterday. When it comes down to it, I was not compassionate towards my daughter, and I lashed out at her. Why? you ask, well because in my own selfishness I put my feelings first, and chose to make an example out of her. I threw it in her face, and challenged her about her faith. I, me, Heather, a sinner...... yes, I judged her, and when she didn't do what I wanted her to do, and say what I wanted her to say, I pretty much threw her to the wolves....

Sadly, I won't be able to tell her I am sorry until tomorrow when she comes home. However, because I know that HIS mercies are new every morning, today I get to continue "the line" of my life, and this time I can live it in a way that represents what truly matters the most in my life.

Today I will seek HIM earnestly to teach, lead, and guide me how to live out each and every single moment that I am giving. With each breath that I take today, I will know that it is only possible through HIM. When my children come to me with their burdens, I won't make them feel guilty, but I will love them, and lift them up in prayer. I will seek HIM to create in me a compassionate heart, a kind heart, and a forgiving heart. Today I will choose to be the hands and feet of JESUS towards all of HIS children, and I will choose to love them just as HE loves me. I will choose to forgive them just as HE has forgiven me.

The finals lines of the poem, are one's that I will meditate on today, as I believe this is what HE is trying to teach me today:  So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash…would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR dash?"

I pray today that you will seek HIM and allow HIM to show you how HE wants you to spend your dash. I pray today that "the line" of your life will represent who you truly are, because you will know WHOSE you are. I pray today that if you don't already know who you are, that you will seek HIM, and HE will reveal HIMSELF to you in a way that you will know that it is HIM. I pray today for you to have the courage to step out and boldly declare that you will do whatever it takes to live your life in a way that shows what truly matters most.

Blessings, Heather