imperfections

Recently I took a challenge to say nothing negative for twenty-four hours.  Upon taking this challenge I didn't really prepare, to be honest I didn't even pray about it. I just "thought" its only twenty-four hours how hard can it be?  What I would learn over the next twenty-four hours, both saddened and angered me.  

Upon the first hour of the challenge I was at the gym, and even on my way to the gym, traffic which is usually light that time in the morning was pretty heavy.  I should have known that upon taking this challenge that there would be roadblock's set up to test me.  One of my greatest flaws that I struggle with is, feeling angry while driving.  Especially when someone endangers the lives of my precious five children.  Sure enough, someone made a careless move and cut me off, in fact it was more than one person.  I gritted my teeth, and said, "Thank YOU JESUS for YOUR protection."  Looking back I'm pretty sure JESUS doesn't want my praise and thanks while I have gritted teeth.

When we got to the gym I put my youngest in the childcare center and my two teen daughters and I made our way to the workout stations upstairs.  That morning I had decided that I was going to bike for at least five miles, and then I would lift weights for the remaining time.  No sooner did I start warming up, did I feel someone press on my bike behind me, and a voice that said, "what are you doing?"  I turned around and it was a personal trainer, that was getting well.... waaaay to much into my personal space.  He kept asking questions, and the one that nearly threw me over the edge was "make sure you check your heart rate, you do know what that is right?"  After that I had, had enough, and I was about to give him a piece of my mind, and that is when I remembered the challenge.  I managed a half smile, and said, "thank you for your concern, I am very aware of my heart rate, to which he insisted on asking me if I knew what level I should be at.  All the while I am becoming more annoyed by the minute in thinking, "um excuse me, am I paying you to bother me? To coach me? To train me?  UGH!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"

After what seemed like forever, he left me alone, and it was then that all of my insecurities began to creep out of me with questions of, "do I look stupid working out?  Am I too fat for this machine?  Is it that obvious that I need help?  Was he flirting with me?  Why was he being such a creep?  If that is his way of being helpful, well he doesn't have game.  Also, if he was flirting, ewwww, and he most certainly does NOT have any game."  It took me almost  three miles in to get all of these thoughts out of the way, before I could fully focus on keeping my heart rate up, and I stopped questioning myself. 

To be honest, had I been there alone that day, I wouldn't have stayed, in fact I don't think I would have ever gone back.  However, since I had my two daughters with me, I sucked it up, and gritted my teeth and made it through one of the best workouts I had ever had.  It was on that day that I began to let go of my need to be perfect, and began to accept my imperfections.

At the end of the challenge I breathed a sigh of relief, as well I had failed miserably.  It's been a week since I took that challenge, and today HE is meeting me right where I am to teach me how my distorted view of being a positive wife, mama, and well person have affected me and those around me.  Today HE is teaching me that being positive means that I must choose to accept that I have imperfections.

HIS Daily Teachings today is showing me that just as I, Heather am flawed, so is everyone else.  So often I "think" I could be a positive person if the circumstances were just right.  HE is teaching me that I can't just "think" that I can overcome the negativity that plagues my heart, soul, and mind, rather, I must seek HIM and allow HIM to work in me and through me, by teaching me ways to guard my thoughts, and tame my tongue. 

HE is reminding me once again that the only way I am going to learn is by going through a series of tests and trials, to challenge me to guard my thoughts, and tame my tongue.  HE is wanting me to know that I will be able to remain positive during these challenges when I, Heather let go of my great expectations that everyone, and everything needs to be perfect.    HE is telling me that in order for me to let go HE will keep humbling me when I am putting my unrealistic expectations on either myself or the people around me. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

Today HE is wanting me know and understand that I, Heather was made the way I am, on purpose, for HIS purpose, therefore I must remember that it is the exact same way for everyone else.  HE is telling me that so often I forget that my life's journey isn't just about me, that it is about other people as well.  HE is wanting me to know that there is a reason why I encounter the people I do, as I am to learn something from each of the challenges that I face when interacting with other people.  

I used to "think" that I was total people person, now however, I "think" I am a people person, but only when said people are nice to me. I like people when the circumstances are perfect, and well as I am learning those are the most unrealistic  expectations I could possibly have in this messed up broken world full of people with so many imperfections.

HE is letting me know that the quirks and flaws that I myself, and others may find annoying, HE has planned for a reason, so that I, Heather full of quirks and flaws would know that I couldn't possibly navigate through all of my imperfections without HIM.  HE is telling me that just as I am learning that I need HIM, I must remember the next time I get annoyed by someone else's quirks and flaws that they too need HIM as well.  

HE is teaching me that in order to let go of my unrealistic expectations of perfection from myself and others, I must choose to seek HIM, and HIS truth about WHO I am, as I know WHOSE I am, and in doing so I will be able to live my life as my true authentic self.  

"HE uses our unique combination of abilities and disabilities to help build loving and balanced homes"  Karol Ladd "The Power of a Positive Mom"

HE is letting me know that it has been HIS plan all along to make each of my seven family members uniquely different.  HE is reminding me of this by having me think about my children.  Even though I have five of them, no two of them are alike.  They are all so uniquely different in their likes and dislikes.  Some of them like to sleep in, other's like to stay up late.  Some are very sarcastic, and while other's are extremely tender hearted. HE is telling me that it is the same for my husband D and I.  We are both so uniquely different, and that is why we work.  What D likes to do, I don't, and that creates this amazing balance.  This is why our marriage works as we bring a nice balance to our marriage and complete the tasks that need to be done without the need to keep score of who does what.  Never before have I been more thankful that D and I are so uniquely different.

"Our success as positive mothers begins as we realize that we are glorious creations -- a special blend of strengths and shortcomings that GOD has put together to create a beautiful work of human art, know to our families as "Mom."  Karol Ladd "The Power of a Positive Mom"

Once again HE is reminding me that HE created me on purpose for HIS purpose.  HE is wanting me to know that HE has created me to be the writer of HIS Daily Teachings, as HE knew one day I would seek HIM, and through allowing HIM to teach, lead, and guide me, I wouldn't be able to keep it all to myself, that I would feel the need to shout it, scream, and tell it to the masses WHO HE is, and WHAT HE has done for me.  HE is letting me know that each day I write the blog is another day where I am doing my part of bringing HIS KINGDOM of HEAVEN here to Earth.  

HE is showing me that my life has been HIS plan all along, imperfections and all.  HE is letting me know that it has been HIS plan that I would be Mama to HIS amazingly precious five children.  HE is wanting me to know that it has been HIS plan all along that I would meet, and marry D, and we would live the life that we are living, as it has all been our story which plays a part in HIS story that HE has written for this world. 

This morning HE is taking me back to D and my wedding day when my little sister sang "Keeper of the Stars."  This verse is really standing out to me this morning, and really making me smile: "It was no accident me finding you.  Someone had a hand in it.  Long before we ever knew.  I know I don't deserve a treasure like you, there really are no words to show my gratitude."  

HE is filling me with HIS loving reminders this morning that long before D and I ever knew..... HE knew..... HE knew that D and I would meet at the young ages of 16 and 17. HE knew that we would marry just 3.5 years later on October 17, 1998.  HE knew that 4 months after that on February 25, 1999 welcome our first daughter, and become parents for the 1st time.  HE knew all the tests, trials, and storms that we would endure in our marriage.  HE knew that 3 years into our marriage the imperfections that threatened to wipe us out, HE would use for HIS good.  HE knew that on my 25th birthday D and I would both choose HIM to be our LORD and SAVIOR and be baptized in front of  thousands of people.  HE knew that my past that was full of imperfections would come exploding out of me  HE knew that D would be able to withstand the stormy raging seas that would last almost 9 years until I finally learned to accept my imperfections, and would have the strength to overcome my past through HIS loving guidance, and teachings.  HE knew that in 3 months from now we will be celebrating 16 years of marriage, a marriage that without HIM being THE KNOT, our CENTER wouldn't be possible, as we are both so full of imperfections.  

Today I am so honored and blessed to be writing our story, that once we asked CHRIST to be the center of our lives, our love, respect, and understanding grew for each other by leaps and bounds.  I am humbled to say that had it not been for HIM transforming and renewing each of our hearts, souls, and minds, we wouldn't still be together, and we wouldn't be raising our wonderful family of seven.  I am thankful that I get to be his Wife and their Mama and that I have the pleasure of living life with all of them and how they love me and I love them imperfections and all.

Dear Friends, I pray that if you are struggling with being positive that you will seek HIM and allow HIM to show you that your imperfections are not to hurt you, but to lead you to encourage you to seek HIM.  I pray that you will know and understand that you were designed specifically on purpose for HIS purpose to seek HIM, to know HIM, and to allow HIM to be LORD of your life.  I pray that you will have the courage to let go of your imperfections and that you will allow HIM to work in you and through you, so that you too will be doing your part of bringing HIS KINGDOM of HEAVEN here to Earth.  I pray for many blessings and favor to be poured over your life, and that you will feel HIS presence and be filled with HIS peace, comfort, and understanding that you are HIS glorious creation!

Much love, prayers, and blessings,
Heather