remain stable

When I look back on the most trying times, and biggest storms of my life, I can see that each moment of growing and strengthening of my faith have led up to those moments.  However, instead of holding fast and tight to my faith, I have always allowed myself to be swept away, and to be honest pretty much wiped out, and and most of the time have fallen into a deep pit of despair, full of self-loathing, depression, and as hard as it is to admit this, angry with GOD, as how could HE have possibly let this happen to me?

After my second miscarriage, I "thought" I was okay, however the more I "thought" about everything that  led up to that moment where the doctor confirmed that D and I had indeed lost our second baby, I felt as if though a part of me had died.  From the moment I learned that I was expecting I began to pray for the precious little soul that was growing inside of me.  I began to seek HIM, and ask HIM what the child would look like, and praise HIM over and over for HIS goodness.  I spent hours wondering, and praying about the life that our precious little one would live, and again praised HIM for HIS goodness.  However, it didn't take long after my miscarriage where I began to question GOD, and became angry with HIM.  

Months before I found out that D and I were expecting I had been on an amazing journey of good health.  I had become very committed to a routine that enabled me to not only lose the weight but to keep it off.  In just seven months I had lost almost 40 lbs., and I had NEVER felt better.  I was wearing the smallest size I had worn since becoming a Mama, and I wasn't tired, and didn't need to take naps anymore.  I was looking great, and feeling great every single day.  

Sadly, those seven months would be at the forefront of my mind, and would be the anchor to my anger that would pull me further and further away from HIM.  HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me back to one of the most painful times as a Mama, and is revealing to me how I became swept away, and what that did to my four oldest children.  

Two weeks ago the reality of the choices that I made all those years ago slapped me right across the face.  It took two days of seeking HIS guidance, and talking with our oldest daughter that D and I would learn the harsh reality of our choices, and what those choices had done to our sweet daughter.  Through her tears she revealed how when I was swept away, so was her Dad, as he began to work many long hours, and Satan made sure to keep him way too busy to pray or lead his family.  It was in those moments where D and I stopped showing, and teaching our children the LORD's ways, and began down this treacherous path of our own demise.  

It was in the years following our miscarriage that D and I would lose HIS vision for our family, and it wasn't until we moved to our current home that we would realize just how far we have allowed our family to be swept away.  Through our church which we now call home, we have been hearing messages about family restoration, and that is exactly what HE is taking us through right now at this very time our of families life.

HE is letting me know that HE isn't taking me through this because HE's mad at me, rather because HE loves me, and HE loves my family.  HE is wanting me to know that instead of allowing myself to be swept away when the storms roll in, and the waters rise, I must choose to stand firm in my FAITH in HIM that HE knows the outcome of the storm, and HE is the anchor to my soul.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19

HE is telling me that in my past HE hasn't been able to depend on me, as I have allowed myself to be swept away by the storms in my life.  HE is wanting me to know that the days of me being pulled further away from HIM during the tests and trials of my life are over.  HE is letting me know today that HE needs to be able to depend on me.  HE is telling me that HE isn't growing and strengthening my FAITH in HIM, just so I can allow myself to be ripped right out of HIS loving, safe, and secure arms.  

In the same way that HE needs to be able to depend on me, HE is placing people in my life who will also need to depend on me.  HE is reminding me this morning that this is why I am Mama to my amazing five.  HE is wanting me to know that HE has been building me through each and every storm, test, and trial in my life so that I would be more than able to raise my amazing five.  

HE is letting me know that just as others are depending on me, I need to be able to depend on myself as well.  HE is telling me that I am able to do this through choosing to live with total self respect.  This means that I must NOT allow myself to be swept away, but to press in, and press through my FAITH, and hold fast to HIS promises.  I must choose to stand firm, and know that when I do, that is how I will be able to remain stable.

HE is telling me I need NOT to worry, rather I must choose to stand firm in my FAITH that HE will work it all out for my own good.   HE is teaching me that I am living my life as HIS living testament when not only do I choose to stand firm in my FAITH, but I will do so by showing everyone that even in the storms of my life I can, and will choose to remain stable.

This morning HE is taking me back to all the pivotal times in my life where I have been swept away to teach, lead, and guide me how to NOT let the storms that have been written and designed to roll into my life sweep me off my feet, and release HIS HOPE which is the anchor to my soul.

HE is wanting me to know that HE knows that I have a hard time trusting, as I have been let down in some really horrendous ways in my past.  HE is telling me that today is a new day, and it is HIS gift to me.  HE is showing me that when I choose to seek HIM, HE can, will, and does teach, lead, and guide me towards HIS amazing plans for my life.  

HE is reminding me that I must be on constant guard to know that Satan is lurking, preying, planning, and plotting his revenge to take me out.  HE is wanting me to know that Satan will try and use the storms that roll into my life to wipe me out, therefore I must choose to stand firm in my FAITH, by choosing to remain stable, no matter what is happening to me. 

Once again HE is reminding me of ALL of the times where HE has, is, and will continue to deliver me from the darkness of my soul, by shining HIS light, which is HIS truth about WHO I am, because HE is constantly blessing me with HIS HOPE, which is HIS anchor to my soul.  I know this to be true, as HE has, is, and will continue to prove it to me time after time in my testimony with HIM on this amazing journey that I am on where HE is taking me through breakthroughs, and transformations that are leading me straight to WHOLENESS.

HE is wanting me to know that on my journey all I need to remember is to pray, BELIEVE, trust, stand firm, and remain stable so that I will then be in right standing with HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that when I choose to do all of those things through each and every trial of my life, I am coming one step closer to be HOLY, just as HE is HOLY.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28  

"Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." Psalm 5:12


"But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do" 1 Peter 1:15

HE is telling me that I must choose to do the right thing, even when the wrong thing is being done to me.  HE is telling me that I must choose to let go of the world's view in seeking revenge, or saying whatever is on my mind, as all it does is deviate me away from HIS path for my life, and wreaks havoc all over HIS amazing plans for my life.  HE is wanting me to know that HE knows that it is my heart's cry to be like HIM, for anyone whom I encounter, will see so much more of HIM in me, and so much less of me.

"While you are remaining stable and waiting for GOD's deliverance, you are going to go through some suffering.  But the hard things you go through bring victory to your life."  Joyce Meyer "Power Thoughts Devotional"

"It is a privilege to suffer on CHRISTS behalf and I trust GOD to bring me to victory"  Joyce Meyer, "Power Thoughts Devotional" June 13

Today I am so incredibly thankful for HIS loving reminders that each morning when I journal and write out whatever is in my heart, and on my mind, HE can, will, and does meet me right where I am.  I am so incredibly thankful that HIS loving reminders, and promises have been written everywhere I turn this morning, and that HE is filling me with HIS HOPE, and I that I am living another day knowing, and BELIEVING that HIS HOPE truly is HIS anchor to my soul.

Dear friends, I pray that you will know that HE is there, and HE cares.  HE knows of the storms that are brewing, and raging in your life right now.  I pray that you will know that HIS HOPE is HIS anchor to your soul.  I pray that you will have the courage to let go of what the world is telling you to do, and that you will have the courage to live your life being truly set apart.  I pray that when you choose to be set apart, that you will be able to stand firm in your FAITH in HIM, and that you too will be able to remain stable in knowing and trusting that HE has everything work out for your own good, as you will be in right standing with HIM.

Much love, prayers, understanding, and blessings,
Heather