HE is able, I must be willing....

Yesterday..... was the worst day I have had in a really long time.  Honestly since HE began to take me through this amazing breakthrough this past year.  Yesterday.... is hard for me to talk about, to write about, as it is me...... hott mess, sinner, who chose to mess up, and continue to mess up..... royally.   Yesterday..... I allowed my thoughts to be negative, and thus my actions were incredibly negative.  Yesterday..... I cried out to HIM to please help me, rescue me....... I waited, and the day just grew worse and worse, and I went to bed feeling completely defeated.   In a last ditch effort to hear HIM, I prayed for safety for each of my family members, and for HIS loving protection to strike from our hearts and minds all that had transpired through out our miserable day yesterday.  The last words I prayed were, "LORD I Praise YOU that YOUR mercies are new EVERY morning."

Today..... I woke up at 4:30 a.m. for the first time in a really long time hearing HIM call my name.  I quickly gathered my things, and made my way downstairs, and found my journal.  I picked up my pen and began to write all that was on my heart, the good, the bad, and the oh so ugly.  

HIS Daily Teachings today is all about how HE is able, I must be willing.  This for me is difficult, as it means that I have to face the ugliness that has been festering in my thoughts, and thus leaking into my heart and wreaking havoc over many of my relationships with people.   Today HE is taking me through it all, unveiling all that has been wrecking me, and that has taken me off of HIS path, and has derailed me from being able to receive HIS amazing blessings that HE has been wanting to pour over my life.  Today HE is having me share my writings, the cries of my heart, my prayers to HIM, as a source of encouragement to others.  

Thoughts -  I wrote about how I have failed with my thoughts by choosing to think about things that I shouldn't and thus saying things that I most definitely shouldn't have.    This so hard for me to write about, as it is how once again I have fallen flat on my face in choosing to do things my way, and just how much I have made a mess of things in my life.  I have alienated those whom I love the most, and I have shown them that I can't be trusted with my thoughts, let alone my actions.   I haven't set a good example, and I have fallen too short of HIS glory in being an example.  I have hurt him, myself, and others by choosing to NOT guard my thoughts, and thus choosing to react in a unGODLY manner. 

Anger - I have given into my angry thoughts, and in turn have chosen to follow through with angry actions.  Just the mere thought of this brings tears to my eyes, as it is so hard to admit that I have allowed my anger once again to fester in my mind, and then leak into my heart.  It is so hard to face the people whom have been on the receiving end of my anger.  It's hard to know that I have taught this anger to my children, and that by choosing it, have showed them that it's okay to be angry, and act out in anger just because you are mad.  It's heartbreaking to me that I have taught them that we are justified to act angry, just because we "feel" angry.  

Heartbreak -  I have caused so much of that lately, even when I didn't realize it.  I have caused others pain in a way that truly pains me to know that I am the cause of someone else's heartbreak.  Having to live with that knowledge brings so much sadness and pain to my heart and mind.

Regret -  oh how I wish I could take it all back, burn it, rebuke it, erase it all.  How I wish I could undo what I have done, and that the memory would be stricken from the lives of those whom I have chosen to hurt, because I have chosen to react in my hurt, my anger, my frustration, and my pain.  

Mercy -  I am so incredibly thankful to know that HIS mercies are new every morning, and how HE was waiting for me this morning to teach, lead, and guide me through yet another breakthrough this morning.  I am thankful to know that I am NOT alone, that HE is there, and has been there, waiting for me to get over myself, and my foolish pride, for me to fall to my knees, to repent, and to cry out to HIM to help me.  I am thankful to know that when I raise my arms high, abandon my heartbreak, and pray to HIM, the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD, WHO knows and loves me best, that is when I will OVERCOME!

The final part of my hearts cry this morning was, "Teach me LORD, lead me, guide me, show me.  Help me to become WHO YOU want me to be.  I am crying out to YOU, and I know that YOU have heard me,  rescue me....."

It is of absolutely NO surprise to me that HE has done just that this morning.  Starting off with my Women's Daily Declaration for Spiritual Warfare devotional.  HE is telling me that I must choose to keep my eyes focused on HIM and HIS word.  HE is wanting me to know that I must choose to walk this journey with HIM, steadfast in prayer seeking HIM, always.

" But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul" Deuteronomy 4:29

"Glory in his holy name;  let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.   Look to the Lord and his strength;seek his face always." 1 Chronicles 16:10-11

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

"In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." Psalm 5:3

HE is reminding me once again that I must choose to put on HIS armor, as I am in a battle, and HE is, and has been preparing me for it.  HE is telling me I must choose to put on HIS armor so that I will be able to OVERCOME.  HE is wanting me to know that HE is able, therefore I must be willing.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." Ephesians 6:10-11

HE is telling me that in order for me to overcome the battle that I am in, I must choose to listen to only HIS voice, and silence ALL the other voices that are invading my thoughts.   HE is wanting me to know that HIS voice must be the loudest spoken in my head, so that it will then speak loudest to my heart.  

"Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.” John 8:47

" My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.   I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27-28

HE is wanting me to know that when I seek HIM that is when HE will give me the discernment I am needing .  HE is telling me that in order to me to be able to fight the good fight with HIM, I must first choose to remember that HE is always fighting on my behalf, and that HE is going to work out everything for my own good.

"For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”  Deuteronomy 20:4

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

HE is wanting me to remember that with the knowledge that HE is able, I must be willing comes an agreement, that I must choose to always be in agreement with HIM.  HE is reminding me once again that HE is the GOD of second chances.  HIS Daily Teachings today is HIS loving reminder that HE is the GOD, my GOD of second chance, therefore I must choose to always be in agreement with HIM.

"Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:19 

"The fact is, we all fail. We do things we regret. We say things we deplore. And we hurt people we love. But we’re not alone in this. Even the Apostle Paul was no stranger to failure." Max Lucado 

" I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15

HIS word is bringing so much comfort to me this morning, in letting me know that I am NOT alone in my struggle, that even the Apostle Paul struggled with doing the wrong things, and hurting people and failing HIM.  

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?" Romans 7:24

Words can't even begin to express how much I can relate to the above scripture written by Paul.  This was my very thought this morning, in having to face what I have done.  

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

As I sit here and type, my eyes are welling up with tears, as I am hearing HIM loud and clear, that HE loves me, and I am in HIM, and HE is in me.  HE is wanting me to know that the reason I know that HE is in me, is because I feel so incredibly repentant to what I have done.  HE is telling me it is because of the guilt I feel for allowing my thoughts to become my actions.  HE is wanting me to know that HE has already forgiven me, and therefore I need to forgive myself.  HE is telling me that this is why HE has been teaching me all about how HE is able, I must be willing.  HE is wanting me to know and understand that this has been HIS plan all along.  HE knew I was going to fall flat on my face, and would stay there for quite some time.  HE knew that I would allow myself to be lead by foolish pride.  HE knew that I would start raising my hands in prayer  instead stuffing them deep into my pockets and mutter that "I can handle this on my own."

Today...... with my arms held high and my heart abandoned, to seek HIM, to know HIM, I am in prayer.   I am choosing to remain in prayer to HIM, to the ONE WHO knows and loves me best.  Today I am going back to the basics, in  crying out to HIM, and waiting for HIM to teach, lead, and guide me, even if that means doing something that I didn't really "feel" like doing.   Today I am full of HIS hope, HIS love, HIS mercy, HIS grace, HIS kindness, and HIS JOY.  Today is a new day, it is the day that the LORD has made, and I am choosing to rejoice and be glad.  Today I am accepting the challenge that HE is able, I AM willing!

Dear Friends, I hope you know that when your hearts are troubled, you will know that HE is there.  HE sees you hurting, HE knows your pain, and if you let HIM, HE will take away your pain.  I pray today that you will have the courage to raise your arms high and pray to THE ONE WHO knows and loves you best.  I pray that you will seek HIS will, and HIS way for your life.  I pray that when you do, the floodgates of blessings will be opened up and poured over your life.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" Hebrews 6:19

Many blessings, prayers, and love

Heather