seeking HIM

"The more I seek you, The more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love you" Kari Jobe "The More I Seek You"

The first time I ever heard this song, it spoke to me, but NOT in the way that HE intended.  Rather it spoke to me as a way of longing to see what HE was going to do for me.  My whole relationship with HIM up until a year and a half ago was about seeking HIM to see WHAT HE would do for me, and NOT seeking HIM for WHO HE IS.

Coming to this realization this morning was a tough pill to swallow for me.  It was hard to admit when HE revealed it to me, that I was more content on seeking HIM to see what miracles HE would do in my life, but when it came to fully surrendering ALL of me to HIM, and following HIS ways, well I was quite selfish, and only cared about making sure that my agenda was the task at hand.

Seeking HIM in the season of growing and living that I am in right now tells a different story.  It tells of how I happily forgo sleep in the early morning hours before anyone else is up, just to seek HIM, to hear HIS teachings, and meditate on them and put them into to practice in my every day life.   Seeking HIM means writing this blog, and sharing my most darkest moments of where HE has met me right where I was, even when I didn't see that HE was there all along.  Seeking HIM means caring so much more about what HE cares about, and seeking HIM to create in me a heart like HIS.

D and I are reading an extremely thought provoking, challenging book in our life group. Last night we finished reading the next chapter to be ready to participate in a discussion about what challenges us, and what we know HE is teaching us from this book.  "Living in CHRIST'S Presence" by Dallas Willard is by far the most challenging book I have ever read in my CHRISTIAN walk, because it is making me seek HIM more and more, and asking HIM to reveal to me ALL that is wrong within me.

This book is taking me back to the very moment where I confessed that I, Heather, Hott Mess, could no longer live my life according to my plans.  I knew that I needed HIM.  That is when HE began to teach me, because I was intentionally seeking HIM.  

This morning HIS Daily Teachings is telling me that the more I seek HIM, the more I find HIM, and in finding HIM, I should want to be more like HIM.   YES! To be more like HIM is what I want, however, HE is telling me that if you were to look into my daily life, you would wonder why I would be seeking HIM so intently, well all I am willing to do is push my agenda, and hold onto my kingdom, my thoughts, my plans, my will, my way.

HE is telling me that seeking HIM means that I must be willing to let go of my foolish thoughts and ways, and allow HIM to BUILD HIS KINGDOM IN ME!  This means that I am to stop trying to do things my way, and judge people based on how they make me feel.  HE is telling me that when I am seeking HIM I am really seeking HIS heart, and in doing so, I am loving people as HE loves them, and seeing them as HE sees them.

"Grace isn't fair, but it's free" Keith Robinson

When I first hear that said during the message at church yesterday, I wondered what HE meant by that.  This morning in seeking HIM HE is answering my question in a way that I wasn't prepared for.  HE is telling me that HIS grace isn't fair, in the human sense that is, as it means that when someone offends me, I am letting go of my kingdom and NOT caring about my "feelings" of how someone offended me.  It means that rather than caring about the offenses, I care about the person.  

This morning HE is opening up my heart, and revealing to me the darkness that lurks when it comes to HIS grace for other people.  HE is wanting me to know that in order for HIM to Build HIS KINGDOM in me, I must be willing to let go of doing things my way, and caring about what other people will think about me doing what HE calls me to do.

HE is telling me that seeking HIM means that I am putting aside what the world is telling me to do, and that I am willing to go above and beyond what the "normal" thing is that I "think" I should be doing.  HE is reminding me that HE has been teaching me about HIS amazing grace for quite some time now.  HE is telling me that the reason HE has taught me the importance of HIS forgiveness through the worst offenses ever done to me, is so that I will remember that if I can forgive someone for hurting me in the worst possible way, then surely I could forgive anyone for a minor offense.

In seeking HIM this morning HE is revealing to me that while the world says every man for "himself", HE says, let go of selfish ways, and care about others.  HE is wanting me to write HIS words on my heart this morning, and meditate on them.  HE is telling me that because HE is my teacher, that means HE is going to continue to teach me how to share HIS good news, about WHO HE is, NOT just what HE has done.

During our reading last night the challenge was brought to me in the form of the question, "why do I want to go to HEAVEN?"  Before seeking HIM I would have said, "I want to go to HEAVEN because I have lived in HELL on Earth.  I have suffered, and lived alone for so long, I don't ever want to ever have to suffer again.  I want to be saved, rescued, loved, and cared for.  I don't want to hurt anymore, or be hurt anymore.  I want to be rid of ALL pain, and just live happily ever after."  However, after seeking HIM for almost two years now, I can honestly say that I my answer is drastically different, as my wanting to go to HEAVEN isn't about being Pain Free, rather going to HEAVEN means, getting to spend eternity doing HIS good works, but even more so, seeking HIM daily has taught me that I'm NOT waiting for me to be brought to HEAVEN, I'm bringing HEAVEN here!  This means that I am seeking HIM to rip open my heart, and expose the enemies lies and speak HIS truth in AUTHORITY over those lies, in my heart and of the hearts of others.  Seeking HIM has taught me that I no longer care about things that don't matter, rather I care about what HE cares about.  

HE is telling me that HE has started a change in me, and that is only because I have been intentional in seeking HIM and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey with HIM.  Through HIS teachings, and seeking HIM I have learned that I no longer need to live in sin, as HE died and paid the ultimate price for my sins.  I have learned and am still learning how HIS HOLY SPIRIT lives in me, to teach me, show me, and encourage me in my daily walk.   I have learned that I have been born again, and I have been given a new identity.  I know I am NOT who I used to be, therefore I shouldn't do things the way I used to do them, or care about things that I used to care about.

Through seeking HIM and asking HIM to be my TEACHER I am learning that in order for me to grow and be strengthened in my FAITH I must first be seeking HIS will for my life.  That I must be willing to let go of my kingdom and seek HIM to Build HIS KINGDOM in me.  HE is telling me that in doing just that, that is how I will know that I am in right standing with HIM.

I am a work in progress, and I am learning  something new about HIM every single time I seek HIM.  I can say that HIS grace has truly set me free.  Therefore, I must choose to extend HIS grace to others and set them free of my judgement and harsh thoughts and words so they even if they don't know HIM they will know HIM, just because they have encountered me.

"Every single person you have ever laid eyes on, JESUS deeply loves that person" Keith Robinson

In seeking HIM and knowing HIM more and more as each day passes, I know that I am called to be HOLY just as HE is HOLY.  I am learning that I need to be in right standing with HIM, because without it, I can't sleep, can't eat (literally food hurts me, due to stress, and acid reflux) can't function in a relationship (I'm way too critical and harsh to see past offenses on my own) I can't be ME, Heather, WHO HE has intended for me to be all along.  I am learning that every single hour, every single minute, of every single step of my day, I NEED HIM.  I am learning that letting go means living with HIS true freedom and that for me is more than enough to keep me seeking HIM more and more.  Not only so that I will be free, so that my story, my life, HIS STORY can be witnessed to other's and set them free from their own prison's without a key.

" But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;" 1 Peter 1:15

"JESUS cared about the three L's, the last, the least, and the lost." Keith Robinson

I,Heather, was ALL of those things, and today I get to share just another portion of my journey with HIM, and bring HIS message of HOPE to anyone who is hurting right now, and feeling like any of the three L's.  HIS message today is, HE loves you, HE cares for you, deeply, and wants you to live the life that HE has planned for you.  

MY Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS ~ I will continue to pray for each of your hearts, that you will have the courage to seek HIM, and allow HIM to transform and renew you so that you will be living the life that HE has always intended for you to live.  I pray that when you do, HE will reign HIS blessings and favor upon your life, and your families life.  I pray today for healing to brought to your aching, bleeding, and broken hearts.  I pray today that HIS message of HOPE is that of encouragement to know that YOU are NOT alone, and that HE is there waiting for you to begin your journey of seeking HIM.

So much love, prayers, compassion, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS ~
Heather