tame

Yesterday in our home it was a busy fall day of cleaning, and organizing.  It was also the first Saturday in the past few months where we've actually been home, and had time to do get the laundry list of things done that we have been putting off all summer. 

I had asked my 13 year old daughter to please honor her brother's room by vacuuming and upon asking her she rolled her eyes at me.  D and I were in our room cleaning, and I started to tell him about my need for him to give gentle reminders to the children to obey joyfully.  I proceeded to tell him how they always have a better attitude when its Daddy telling them, and NOT Mama.  D didn't want to hear it, and thought I was nagging, and just escalating the situation.  Where I felt as if though it was perfectly okay to share my needs my "feelings" with him, he quickly let me know that he was interested. 

Now normally I would get extremely angry, and hurt that my "feelings" weren't be validated, and I probably would have fought to the death to be sure that my voice was heard.  However, yesterday was different.  Yesterday after only trying to get my point across for five minutes, I gave up.  I left our room, went to talk to my oldest daughter, and cried.  She didn't try to fix things, she just encouraged me to keep moving, and not to let it bother me.  She told me she was sorry that I was hurting but that she understood.  It was something we had been talking about for a while about what we have noticed about the younger children and obedience.  

I left her room, and walked back to our room, and began cleaning once again.  Silently praying that D wouldn't say ONE word to me.  True to his humanness he did, and of course he spoke to me as if there wasn't anything wrong.  Within me though however, a battle was raging, and that was the battle between keeping my tongue tame, or shouting and screaming how hurt and invalidated my "feelings" were.

As I laid my head down last night to sleep, I didn't feel any sense of regret, which is totally unusual for me, as I usually can't sleep because of how badly I "feel" because of how short I have fallen with my family.  Last night was different, and I slept through the entire night, and woke up this morning feeling refreshed and renewed.

When I sat down to journal this morning, I had no idea what I would be writing, however HE did, and HE met me right where I was, and as I wrote and asked HIM to open my heart up and show me what is wrong, HE did.

HIS Daily Teachings today is showing me where I have been holding on to be so emotionally invested in my "feelings."  HE is wanting me to know that it's not that it's wrong for me to have feelings, however, I must choose to NOT let them overtake me.  I must learn to tame my tongue in those moments where I feel as if though I may burst if my "feelings" aren't validated.

HE is telling me this is because of my childhood, and memories of NEVER having my "feelings" validated, and growing up in a house where words were weapons.  I grew up with people who said whatever they wanted, and did whatever they wanted.  Words cut like a knife, and man oh man did they cut deep.  I can still to this day remember some of the most hateful, hurtful, awful things that were said to me by many people growing up.

HE is wanting me to know that HE is showing me these memories NOT so that I would cry, but rather to encourage me to tame my tongue now, so that my family members, and people I encounter will NOT have the same memories of how my words cut deep like a knife to their hearts.

It pains me that the very thing that I struggle with, is something that I am doing to someone else.  In seeking HIM today HE is leading me right to the matters of  my heart, and showing me that I must allow HIM to teach me to tame my tongue, so that I will be in right standing with HIM.

This morning HE is letting me know that through my words to HIM I approached HIS throne boldly , bravely, and with confidence.  I poured my heart out to HIM, and asked HIM to change me, and told HIM how much I needed HIM.  HE is letting me know that because I have chosen to seek HIM, and HIS ways, HE will show me HIS ways, so that I will be in right standing with HIM.

HE is wanting me to know that one way I can be sure to be in right standing with HIM is by learning to tame my tongue.  HE is letting me know that my victory that I received yesterday is only the beginning.  HE is telling me that HE will continue to test me, and teach me, so that I will NOT only be able to tame my tongue with my loved ones, but also with anyone I may encounter.

HE is telling me that it is imperative that I learn to tame my tongue so that I will be able to be HIS true Disciple.  This means that no matter how I may "feel" about something, I will be able to set my "feelings" aside and do the right thing, so that I will be in right standing with HIM.

HE is reminding me of the times where I "feel" attacked or offended by complete strangers, and I "feel" compelled to open my mouth and let them know what is what!  HE is wanting me to know that in order to be HIS true Disciple I must demonstrate daily by activating my FAITH, and the only way I will be able to do that is by choosing to tame my tongue.  HE is telling me no matter how rude, or unkind they are being.  No matter how selfish I think they are, or how wrong they are, HE is telling me that I have HIS power in me to breathe life, to speak HIS words, and HIS truth.  HE is wanting me to know that it is my calling as HIS true Disciple to live out my FAITH, by always choosing to do the right thing.

HE is telling me that in the times where I "feel" the need to let my words fly, I must seek HIM, and rely on HIS strength to help me overcome my moment of weakness.  HE is telling me that when I cry out to HIM, HE is there, waiting to help me, however, I must choose to let go of doing things my way, and seek HIM, to do things HIS way, as HE has proven to me time and again that HIS way is perfect for my life.

I said, “I will watch my ways  and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth while in the presence of the wicked.” Psalm 39:1

In seeking HIM to create in me a heart like HIS, just like David did, HE is leading me straight to Psalms and showing me where David prayed A LOT about his words, and learning to tame his tongue.  This morning I am comforted to know that I am NOT alone in my struggles.  In fact I am encouraged, as I know that through HIM, HE will give me the strength to overcome my battles of my heart, and mind, so that my tongue will breathe words of life, and NOT death.  I am learning that in order to be in right standing with HIM, I must choose to read HIS words, study HIS words, meditate on HIS words, write HIS words on my heart, and speak HIS words.  

"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

Today HE is teaching, leading, and guiding me in how NOT to sin with my tongue.  HE is teaching me that I can rely on HIM that HE will help me OVERCOME the strongholds of the bondage and agreements that were made when I was a very young girl.  Today through HIS power and HIS strength, by HIS words, HIS truth has been revealed, and I have been set free.  Today I will no longer be fooled by thinking that I need to be emotionally invested in my "feelings" because no one else is.  Today I can honestly say that isn't true, as HE is proving to me once again that HE cares for me, HE loves me, and HE wants nothing more than to see me living out HIS truth for ALL to see and bear witness to.  

Today through HIS FAITHFUL teachings I am learning that I can tame my tongue, and I can, and will choose to speak  HIS words into the lives that I encounter, and also into my own life.  HE is telling me that I must remember that NOT only am I called to speak HIS words into other's lives, but I must first live out HIS words in my own life, as that is the basis of my FAITH in HIM.  Through each passing day, the more I seek HIM, the more I am learning about HIM.  The more that HE reveals to me, the more in awe I am of HIS goodness, mercy, and amazing grace.  Today I am so incredibly thankful that HIS love for me is relentless.  Today I am seeking HIM once again, to show me what the right things are that I need to be thinking, speaking, and doing.  Today I am saying to my LORD and SAVIOR:  "I'm ALL in, send me LORD, use me, build YOUR Kingdom in me.  Teach me, and show me YOUR ways LORD.  I need YOU every hour, of every minute, of every single second of my life.  Change my heart O' LORD and make me more like YOU.  In JESUS Mighty, Powerful, Just Name, Amen."

" Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST ~ I pray today that you will know how much HE loves you.  I pray that you will feel and see HIS presence in your life.  I pray that you will have the courage to open the door to your heart, and allow HIM to show you what is wrong.  I pray that you will seek HIM and allow HIM to transform your heart and mind so that you will be in right standing with HIM.  I pray for peace, comfort and healing to be poured into your life through HIS words, HIS promises, which is the living water that we are so thirsting for.  I pray today that you will know that the battle you are in, that HE is there, fighting for you always.  I pray today that you will know that HIS goodness, HIS mercy, and HIS grace are there for you.  I pray that you too will know HIM, and know that HIS love for you is relentless.

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS ~

Heather