With overwhelming tears from the deepest most painful sorrow I reached out to HIS prayer warriors last night and asked for prayer. Within minutes many responded to HIS call, and began to pray for me. Little did I know just how much I would need those prayers last night, in order to survive the war that was waiting, and lurking for me deep into the night.
For the past two nights I have suffered from restless dream filled sleep, something I wasn't prepared for as I have been able to sleep peacefully for almost a month now. However, last night, the enemy was prowling and waiting, and just when I least expected it, he pounced, and thus began a war that paralyzed me.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10:10
I had gone to bed around 11:30 p.m. only to be woken up at 1:30 a.m. After several minutes of tossing and turning, I gave up and picked up my phone and played a few games my precious little love used to love to play. Around twenty minutes into being up, my eyelids grew heavy, and I put my phone down. As soon as I closed my eyes, the images started to flood my every thought, and it took me a moment to realize that I was back to the hour, of where the worst day of my life began.
I immediately opened my eyes, and prayed, "LORD JESUS, please remove these thoughts from my mind so that I will be able to sleep." "Thinking" that would do it, I closed my eyes once more, and as soon as I did, the images were there. Feeling completely freaked out, I laid there, paralyzed hearing the enemy taunting me. Over and over like a broken record I heard, why didn't you pick him up at 2 p.m. what if that was your chance to save him, and you just left him? Why didn't you at least kiss him goodnight, you always did that, why didn't you? What if you would have just picked him up, maybe you would have been able to save him......
Over and over these thoughts flooded my mind, as I laid there paralyzed. I don't know how long exactly that I was in that position, but what I do know now is that HE was preparing me for warfare, spiritual warfare to be exact. Little did I know the victory that was waiting for me when I would open my eyes this morning after being taunted, preyed on, and pursued relentlessly for me to give into the fear that the enemy was "trying" to desperately to take me out with.
HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me right back to last night, early this morning, and showing me where HE was, and where HIS angels were while I laid there paralyzed. HE is wanting me to share what I said, while being HOLY SPIRIT led to the lies of the enemy that brought about one of the first victories I have had in this battle for my mind.
" But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3
Hearing the words why didn't you pick him up at 2 p.m.? broke me at first. My heart sunk, as I had asked myself that same question a million times. It was then that I felt HIM speak straight to my heart, in reminding me to put on HIS armor, specifically HIS belt of truth, as I have learned that in speak HIS truth, HIS name, then enemy flees.
"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." Ephesians 6:11
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist" Ephesians 6:14
" Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" James 4:7
As soon as I felt HIM speak to me, I answer that thought with HIS word, HIS truth, which was, "I didn't pick him up at 2 p.m. because HE is merciful, and didn't want me to have to suffer anymore by watching my son die in my arms, thus increasing my suffering. HE was so into the details of calling my son HOME that HE made sure that there was NO possible way for me to intervene."
For the past two nights I have suffered from restless dream filled sleep, something I wasn't prepared for as I have been able to sleep peacefully for almost a month now. However, last night, the enemy was prowling and waiting, and just when I least expected it, he pounced, and thus began a war that paralyzed me.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10:10
I had gone to bed around 11:30 p.m. only to be woken up at 1:30 a.m. After several minutes of tossing and turning, I gave up and picked up my phone and played a few games my precious little love used to love to play. Around twenty minutes into being up, my eyelids grew heavy, and I put my phone down. As soon as I closed my eyes, the images started to flood my every thought, and it took me a moment to realize that I was back to the hour, of where the worst day of my life began.
I immediately opened my eyes, and prayed, "LORD JESUS, please remove these thoughts from my mind so that I will be able to sleep." "Thinking" that would do it, I closed my eyes once more, and as soon as I did, the images were there. Feeling completely freaked out, I laid there, paralyzed hearing the enemy taunting me. Over and over like a broken record I heard, why didn't you pick him up at 2 p.m. what if that was your chance to save him, and you just left him? Why didn't you at least kiss him goodnight, you always did that, why didn't you? What if you would have just picked him up, maybe you would have been able to save him......
Over and over these thoughts flooded my mind, as I laid there paralyzed. I don't know how long exactly that I was in that position, but what I do know now is that HE was preparing me for warfare, spiritual warfare to be exact. Little did I know the victory that was waiting for me when I would open my eyes this morning after being taunted, preyed on, and pursued relentlessly for me to give into the fear that the enemy was "trying" to desperately to take me out with.
HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me right back to last night, early this morning, and showing me where HE was, and where HIS angels were while I laid there paralyzed. HE is wanting me to share what I said, while being HOLY SPIRIT led to the lies of the enemy that brought about one of the first victories I have had in this battle for my mind.
" But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3
Hearing the words why didn't you pick him up at 2 p.m.? broke me at first. My heart sunk, as I had asked myself that same question a million times. It was then that I felt HIM speak straight to my heart, in reminding me to put on HIS armor, specifically HIS belt of truth, as I have learned that in speak HIS truth, HIS name, then enemy flees.
"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." Ephesians 6:11
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist" Ephesians 6:14
" Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" James 4:7
As soon as I felt HIM speak to me, I answer that thought with HIS word, HIS truth, which was, "I didn't pick him up at 2 p.m. because HE is merciful, and didn't want me to have to suffer anymore by watching my son die in my arms, thus increasing my suffering. HE was so into the details of calling my son HOME that HE made sure that there was NO possible way for me to intervene."
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8
The second thought that the enemy was taunting me with preyed on the very guilt that I believe every mother suffers and lives with for each of her children. However, because HE loves me too much to EVER let me fall prey, HE prepared me with HIS truth, and through HIS HOLY SPIRIT I was able to speak HIS truth to the lies, and that is, "I didn't just leave my son, he appeared to be sleeping. He wasn't feeling well, and I knew he needed to rest. My son wasn't alone, we were all home, and he was deeply loved, and deeply cared for."
In knowing that, I will be forever grateful, as I don't even want to try to imagine how it would have been to have found him struggling, and NOT be able to save him. As the reality to ALL the questions is, and will always be, that if GOD wanted my precious little son to be here, he would be here. In knowing that GOD has planned each of our lives, including the number of days, I know that my son's life wasn't planned for anything further that what he lived here on Earth.
"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does." Psalm 145:17
"A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed" Job 14:5
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1
Finally after what seemed like hours of praying out loud, with HIS word, speaking HIS truth, I felt a release, I felt HIS peace wash over me, and it was then that I knew that battle for my mind in this instance was WON, and VICTORY was truly mine. I said a quick prayer of praise and thank you to HIM, and closed my eyes and slept for almost four hours straight with no dreams waking me up.
One of the hardest thoughts I have struggled with over and over is that I was sleeping on the same wall as my son, and didn't have as to any clue that death had broke it's way in, and stolen our precious little almost two year old. The thoughts of what if, if only, why didn't, all of my questions were answered within the first few days of losing my precious little love. All because HE loves me far too much to EVER let me suffer anymore than need be. ALL so that I would be able to lean in, and press into HIS truth that my suffering will be ALL for HIS glory. HE is reminding me once again that triumph over tragedy, IS apart of my GLORIOUS FUTURE, and GLORIOUS PRESENT which I am blessed to be living right now.
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance" Romans 8:1
" and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3
HE is wanting me to know that HE has equipped me with HIS belt of truth, so that I would be able to withstand the ruthless attacks from the enemy all the while letting HIS light shine in me and through me, through the darkest moment of my entire life.
Minutes passed as I laid there, fighting back, by speaking HIS words, and yet I remained paralyzed. Too Terrified to close my eyes again, as the images were now vivid with my eyes wide open. Somewhere deep within though I held fast, held on tight to HIS anchor, my FAITH, HIS HOPE, that I would survive this night of sheer terror and hell. It was then that I chose to stand when all I could do was stand and let HIS angels, fight the spiritual war that I was in.
" For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12
"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hand so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalm 91:11-12
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" Hebrews 6:19
Once again HE has blown me away with HIS awesomeness, of just how amazing HIS grace is, and how truly awesome, and overwhelming HIS peace truly is. HE NEVER ceases to amaze me at the countless ways HE will show, and remind me that HE is my REFUGE, SHELTER, SHIELD, PROTECTOR, FORTRESS, and ROCK! FOREVER I will sing of HIS FAITHFULNESS, HIS GOODNESS, HIS LOVE, and HIS MERCY. FOREVER I will shout it from the ROOFTOPS that HE is GOD, and that HE is good ALL of the time. Forever I will SEEK HIM, and CHOOSE to follow HIM, and TRUST and KNOW that no matter what happens in this lifetime, HE is there, HE's got me, the situation, and that NOTHING, NO ONE, NOT ONE SINGLE THING could EVER separate us. Forever I will seek HIM to teach, lead, and guide me! ALL so that HIS LIGHT will SHINE in me and through me for ALL to SEE, so that this dark, lonely, broken world that is FULL of the lost, the least, and the last people will be found, when I make HIS presence known in me, through my thoughts, words, and actions, by choosing to DO what HE calls me to do, (whether I agree with it or not) SPEAK HIS words, and by LIVING out HIS words, OUT LOUD as HIS living vessel of HIS truth that HE is truly in every single detail and HE is there, fighting on my behalf, so that I will be able to share HIS message of HOPE, that is intended fully for HIS purpose of reaching the last, the least, and the lost.
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold" Psalm 18:2
"For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord." Psalm 117:2
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
" In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16
Now more than ever, I am understanding that my purpose in this life is HIS true purpose for my life. That my suffering, sorrow, sadness, and pain, are ALL for HIS purpose, to be relate-able in sharing HIS message of HOPE, by sharing my story, of RESCUE, REDEMPTION, and SALVATION, all because HE loves me. To know and understand that HIS purpose for my life, has NOTHING to do with me, but has EVERYTHING to do with HIM searching for, and finding, to RESCUE the last, the least, and the lost. To share HIS message of how HE is the SHEPHERD and will search for each, and every single one of HIS lost sheep.
"Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Luke 15:3-7
Today I am writing to let you all know about the TRUE POWER OF PRAYER, that when we so boldly and courageously pray to HIM, HE hears each and every single one of our prayers. That HE is there, fighting on our behalf, and answers each and every one of our prayers. That HE is the GOD WHO cares, WHO loves, and WHO will NEVER leave, nor forsake us.
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" 1 John 5:14
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
It is because of the many prayers of HIS prayer warriors last night that HIS power, HIS truth, HIS strength, HIS love, HIS peace, HIS grace, flooded me last night, and that is how I was able to fight back from being paralyzed with fear.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" Deuteronomy 31:6
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my fervent prayer that each of you who read this blog, will know that the victory that I have received is the same victory that is waiting for you. I pray today that you will know that HE is there, HE is fighting for you, on your behalf, and that HE is wanting you to also be VICTORIOUS in HIM. I pray that today is the day that you choose to STAND, and put on HIS belt of TRUTH, speak HIS words, and FIGHT BACK, and SEE that the darkness flees from you. I pray today that if you too are paralyzed that HE is there, waiting to set you FREE. I pray that today is the day that you open your heart to HIM, and realize that you are the ONE that HE has been searching for, found, and waiting for you to TRUST HIM to know HIM, to let HIM shower you with HIS favor and blessings, ALL because of HIS deep great love for you.
Always in love and prayers, with so much grace, compassion, and understanding,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~ Heather
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