"setbacks"

Allow me to introduce myself, Hi, I'm Heather, and I am a sloooooooooooow learner.  Lately I am finding myself back on my knees, asking for HIS forgiveness, as I have once again made a HUGE mess of the circumstances in my life.  I am having to relearn the same things over and over again, as I have once again allowed myself to be "emotionally led."

It never fails, that I could be in a great mood, praising and worshiping GOD.  I could be having the BEST day with my family, life couldn't possibly get any better.  I love those moments, I cherish those moments of pure blissful contentment.  Sadly like clockwork, and I know this, so why does, it keep happening to me?  

Not following me, okay allow me to paint the current theme in my life.  I have HUGE problem in my life, and this is my selfish, foolish pride.  I suffer from the bratty girl syndrome much like the one on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  You might know her as the "I want it now girl."  Like her, "I don't care how, I just want it, I NEED it NOW!!!"   I can be a very selfish individual like that.  I get my mind set on something, and it's like GOD is prying my vice grip off of my "needs." 

It's all so foolish I know, of course I know, so why do I continue to do it?  Over and over again I make the same foolish mistakes.   This morning HE woke me up at 3:30 a.m. and I REFUSED to get out of bed.  Well that lasted for all of 20 min, when the harder I tried to fall back asleep the more I felt HIS urgency to talk to me.  

As I began to journal I spilled my heart to HIM, I confessed that I once again have made a HUGE mess of things, and I needed HIS help.  That my mess, involved other people, and I'm not sure how to make things right, or if I even can make them right.  I poured my entire emotional being into my confession, and then slowly HE began teaching me.

HIS Daily Teachings was HIS loving reminder, that while I have grown so much, I must understand that I will have "setbacks."  As I heard those words, I quickly became discouraged, and didn't feel any better.  I felt like saying, "Hey that's great GOD, thanks for that..."  I really felt like saying, "Tell me something I don't already know."  The more HE spoke to me the bigger the failure I felt.  Slowly the guilt of pride, set in, and I couldn't hardly write, or think about what HE was teaching me anymore.

As I sat there wallowing in my self pity, have the biggest pity party for myself, crying about how I always mess up, I began to think about the things I needed to get done today.  If you were to come to our home today you would see that it is decorated in hot pink, purple, gold, and silver.  We are having a sort of surprise birthday party for our daughter who is turning 9 this Friday.  I say sort of surprise, as she knows there is a party, however she doesn't know anything else about it.  

So, picture this, me sitting, thinking, looking at the decorations, admiring my husbands handiwork, and all the hard work my two teenage daughters put into the party, my heart filled with gratitude.  I began praising HIM, thanking HIM, and before I knew it, so much time had past, I forgot I was in the middle of my bible study.

HE quickly brought me back into focus, and continued with HIS teaching.  The very next thought that HE showed me that I struggle with is "the beast" that lives inside of me.  That "beast" is my pride.  HE slowly revealed to me that I have been very ungrateful in wanting to be able to go to our old church, have our old church family, and live our old life.  He has shown me that in wanting to have back what we have "lost" I am missing out on so many blessings that HE is trying to pour over my life, and my families life.  HE is wanting me to know that I must let go, and let HIM teach me.  

I am learning that I must choose to trust HIM completely with everything in my life, so that HE can bless me.  HE is wanting me to know that my life is sort of like the "surprise party" that we are having for our daughter.  I know HE is fighting for me.  I know HE is transforming me.  I know that HE has HUGE plans for my life.  I know that HIS timing and HIS provision is perfect.  

So while, I know all of that, why do I foolishly forget?  HE has revealed to me this morning that HE isn't interested in making sure that I receive full freedom from all the strongholds in my life.  After all, if HE freed me from everything, then how could I possibly need HIM?  HE is wanting me to know and understand that I am going to mess up.  I am going to make foolish selfish pride mistakes and decisions.  However, HE doesn't want me to fall for Satan's condemnation.

"The Lord your God will clear away these nations before you little by little. You may not make an end of them at once, lest the wild beasts grow too numerous for you." Deuteronomy 7:22

HE is letting me know that HE isn't surrounding me saying, "OH Heather, you my dear are an idiot.  You keep making these same stupid mistakes over and over again.  Why can't you ever learn?  What is wrong with you?  Why must we keep going over this?  You make me angry, you are a disgrace.  You are not my daughter, the daughter to the KING, you are a failure."

When He revealed my inner dialogue to me this morning, I felt ashamed.  However, HE quickly told me that I must not accept feeling condemned, I must pick myself up, and dust myself off, and try again.  HE doesn't want me wallowing in my self pity, throwing some HUGE pity parties.  HE wants me to seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my life.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

HE is wanting me to know that when I seek HIM, I will find HIM, and HE will show me, and HE will deliver me from the mistakes I have made, and HE will make all things come together for my good.  HE is wanting me to know that I will be filled by HIS strength, and HE will shower me with HIS grace, and HIS blessings will be poured over my life.  I am learning that the more I seek HIM, and align my thoughts to HIS, and follow the path for HIS plans and HIS purpose for my life, the more peaceful blessed life I am able to live.  Therefore, I must let go of my, "I want it now" attitude, and put on a new attitude of gratitude.

"And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

Joyce Meyers words, really struck home with me today. "When you fail (which you will) that doesn't mean you are a failure, it just simply means you don't do everything right."

In my humanness I "think" that just because I write this blog titled "HIS Daily Teachings," then isn't it hypocritical of me to write about things over and over again.  I mean shouldn't I be over this by now? Shouldn't I have been delivered from it, shouldn't I have been able to overcome the strongholds in my life?

HE has loving reminded me this morning, that growing, learning, and relying on HIS strength alone takes time.  HE has shown me that this is what HIS plan and purpose is all about for my life.  I am thankful that HE loves me enough to teach me, and reveal to me exactly what I had been needing to hear this morning.  

HE is telling me that it is time that I break Satan's "broken record" in my life, and play, listen to, and even dance to the song of my salvation in my life.  I must praise HIM for allowing me to overcome so much in my life.  I must praise HIM and thank HIM that surely I am not where I want to be, but thanks to HIM, and praises to HIM that I am not where I used to be.

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

"And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:4

I pray today that you are struggling with "setbacks" in your life, you will know that it is HIS timing and provision in your life.  I pray that you will seek HIM and allow HIS plans and HIS purpose be the path that you will choose.  I pray for HIS favor and blessings to be poured over your life when you seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide you how to live every single moment of your life.

Blessings,
Heather