dreams.....

Two days ago, I woke up at 4 a.m. singing praises to HIM, and couldn't wait to hear what is was that HE wanted me to know for the day.  I quickly journaled what was on my heart, and prayed through my spiritual warfare book, and then wrote out the day's Power Thought.  So sure of myself, and HIM, I dove straight into HIS word in 2 Peter chapter 1.  I was so sure of myself, that I was really ready for HIS word that morning, and in what I "thought" was my confidence there lying in wait was my enemy.

Within moments of reading and trying desperately to bring pen to paper, the doubts, and thoughts started to creep in.  I could feel the block building, and try as I might, I couldn't block the thoughts from flooding my mind.  Before I knew it I closed my BIBLE completely, and put down my journal and pen.  I sat there for a moment, and asked GOD to please remove the roadblock that was keeping me from HIS word.

Not feeling anything, or hear anything from HIM, and the enemies lies increasing, I waited until 5 a.m. and watched JOYCE MEYER.  She was preaching about the importance of forgiveness.  So naturally in my humanness I was annoyed, as I had already learned how to forgive and the importance of it.  Come on GOD really, give me something here!

Oh my, my, my, when oh when will I ever learn?  Yes, I should have known a HUGE slice of humble pie was just waiting for me.  I ended up going back to bed and sleeping till almost 8 a.m.  I woke up feeling grumpy, but determined that I wouldn't be "feelings" lead, however try as I might, I kept falling flat on my face.  At ever turn of that day I was falling short, and making a HUGE mess out of my relationships.  So much in fact at one point I just stopped talking, as I felt it was safer for me and them that I not open my mouth any longer. I went to bed that night feeling so defeated, and with silent tears, I prayed "LORD please, forgive me, please help me, so much more of you and so much less of me.  Let YOUR will be done."

The next morning, I woke up at the same time, followed the same routine, and once again was determined to dive straight into HIS word.  Once again, I hit the wall.  Once again, JOYCE MEYER was speaking about forgiveness, and living beyond ones self.  Serving other's and being a good Samaritan.  Once again, I fell straight into the enemies trap, and made a complete fool of myself.  

In failing to realize that I was truly missing the mark, I made a HUGE mess out of my day, and I wouldn't realize that till much later on when I would sit down with D and work on our marriage bible study.  Through questions about our marriage came out my anger, of what was happening to me.

It was through our study that I realized the anger and the resentment that I had stored up in my heart, because growing up I didn't have any dreams.  Since I didn't have any dreams or aspirations as a child, I didn't know how to have them as an adult.  

Through D's loving words he was able to get to me to admit that I so desperately wanted to have dreams, and just what those dreams were.  Last night, I know I felt HIS loving touch, and I felt HIS grace fall upon me.  

HIS Daily Teachings this morning has let me know that even though I made a HUGE mess out of things the last two days, HE is pleased with me, as I am willing to admit that set apart from HIM I am truly nothing.  HE is wanting me to know that it is okay that I make mistakes, as that is ALL part of HIS divine purpose and plan for my life.  HE is wanting me to know that even though I may not be where I "think" I should be, I am exactly where I need to be.  HE is wanting me to know that HE has me right where I need to be to receive HIS teachings so that I will be able to live with genuine faith.

Today for the first time in my life, I am sharing my dreams out loud.  It is my dream that HE will use me to reach the masses.  It is my dream that my story, will be a living testament of HIS hope, as true beauty really does come from ashes.  It is my dream to let other people know who are either going through hard times, or have lived through hard times that HE is there.  It is my dream to one day to be in the ministry that speaks HIS truth, HIS word, HIS love, HIS hope, HIS grace, HIS mercy, and HIS forgiveness.  It is my dream that my life is lived with HIS purpose, that it is not wasted by my will.  It is my dream that HE uses me to give hope to this broken and fallen world.  

Those are my dreams, and I can tell you that they do NOT come from me, as I am terrified to speak in front of a group of people.  When I think back to my early years as a baby Christian, I was terrified to pray out loud.  For the past eleven years HE has been preparing me to be a prayer warrior.  I am learning that the very things that I have tried very hard to run away from are the very things HE is taking me towards.

I am thankful that through HIS Daily Teachings that I am able to boldly declare because I have been given HIS true confidence to know that because of WHOSE I am, this is what I am called to do.  I am thankful to know that even though I may not get it all right at this moment, I know that through my seeking HIM, and asking HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every test and trial of my life, will only make me stronger so that I will be able to stand out in this world, and boldly speak HIS truth, to shout it, and scream it from the mountains that HE is GOD!  That I will be able to speak to the masses of people WHO need to hear HIS truth that HE is GOD, and HE is good all the time.  That our HOPE lies in HIM, and that HE is THE PRINCE OF PEACE!  

In sharing my dreams I pray that today you too will be able to share your dreams.  I pray that you will seek HIM, and allow HIM to mold and shape you so that you too will be able to live out your dreams.  I pray that if you fall short, that you won't lose heart, as you will know that even though you may not be where you ought to be, you sure aren't where you used to be.  I pray that you will be filled with HIS loving hope, grace, and peace as you continue on your journey towards wholeness with HIM.

with much love, prayers, and blessings,
Heather