"When Jesus had finished this sermon, the crowds were astonished at His teaching"
Matthew 7:28
In my third month of treatment the solution that was given to me was that I would never hold a job, heal from PTSD, or be able to do anything more than just staying at home, raising and loving my kids, and basically just surviving my life until I died. This is where the lie of HOPE for HEAVEN was solidified, as I had succumbed to the pit of despair in losing ALL HOPE FOR LIVING as I had already been begging, pleading and crying to the end of soul for JESUS to please come back. I was crushed by the solution, as I knew somehow, someway I had to do more than survive, but I didn't know how.... the only thing I knew was WHO.... JESUS.
HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today has been a culmination of the last almost year and half as HE has taken me through a HOLY RESET and has brought me to place of complete and total healing in my clinical diagnosis of anxiety and depression. Honestly, I'm completely floored. and astonished by HIS GOODNESS, and HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me and for me. I am blown away by HIS amazing grace and tender mercies poured out for me to step towards healing and learning to THRIVE here in the land of the living. It is because of JESUS that I am no longer suffering alone, I'm no longer suffering in grief triggers. It is because of JESUS that I am able to BE ALL IN, to surrender fully, knowing full well what could be asked of me.
Honestly, thinking about what could be asked of me, should scare me, however because of JESUS I have been completely floored by HIS GOODNESS. What I mean to say is, even if, even when, or even though the worst possible thing could happen again, honestly, I know whatever it may be, if I'm meant to survive it, JESUS will carry me through it. That not only will I survive, but I will experience HIS GOODNESS here in the land of the living once again. I know full well that no matter how much it hurts, I will survive, if it is to BE HIS WILL for my life. I will survive, ALL FOR HIS GLORY.
I have learned in the hardest of ways to TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL MY HEART. I have been completely floored by HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS, and I'm so grateful to know, to TRUST that I am indeed BLESSED to mourn. Not that it's a blessing to suffer, rather it's a blessing to suffer with JESUS. Not that I am thrilled to be hurting, in fact I'm quite exhausted by grief, however I've learned to cry out to JESUS, and HE will give me HIS strength to endure.
It is now the month of September, and October is on the horizon, staring me down, and the enemy is wanting me in shambles., drowning in a mess of tears. JESUS though, has completely floored me with how HE has set up not only the month of September, but what is coming this October. Such as holding HIS hand and keeping my eyes opened to experience ALL of HIS GOODNESS that HE has planned for me. To not just pray the next few months away, or to want to shut down and shut out the world because living through another year is too painful.
More and more I find myself being completely floored by HIS goodness, by HIS HOLY PROMISES that have been deeply personal just for me. This theme of HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to remain has been on repeat in my every day of my life for as long as I've known HIM, and even further back, as in the moments where I let HIM into the deepest hidden pains within me, HE has healed me, poured HIS TRUTH as a soothing balm that heals me so much it's as if though nothing ever happened to me.
Through being completely floored by HIS GOODNESS I have experienced immense healing and freedom. So much, that I am now able to write from a place of TRUE CONFIDENCE as I know WHOSE I AM.... I know WHO I AM in CHRIST JESUS. HE has restored me, revived me, healed me, set me apart, and is leading me to pray for the people whom HE has planned for me to encounter in this life that I have been given. I am being completely floored by HIS plans for my life, as this past year and half has been WILD, and has left me speechless so many times.
So much HE has changed every aspect of my life. HE has healed me in my body from high cortisol from stress and has brought me to a place of almost a ninety-pound weight loss. So much that whenever someone sees me who hasn't seen me in quite some time ask me what I did, my response is, 'It's what JESUS DID, it's not me, and it's ALL FOR HIS GLORY." So much I have been completely floored by ALL the GOOD PLANS HE has had for my life. Plans that I prayed for, hoped for, but never really thought they would come true, as I had little faith for healing in that way.
Precious Dear Hearts,
Perhaps today should find you all cried out, desperate for relief, and reeling from the irrevocable changed you've been forced to live for your life. Maybe you've decided to follow JESUS for the 1st time, even though you opened your heart to HIM many years ago. Perhaps you've felt the conviction to ask, seek, and knock, and you're heart's desire has become to know HIM more, and for HIM to grow your faith even more. Do you know HIS PROMISES are HOLY, and are deeply personal and just.for.you? Do you know that HE has good plans for your life? Will you TRUST JESUS, and be ALL in? Perhaps this is the beginning, your beginning of being completely floored.
ALL FOR HIS GLORY
With so much love, compassion, tenderness, and empathy,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
