remember when.....

For the past week HE has been taking me back into my past, and asking me to "remember when."  Though the times that HE has asked me to remember were some of the hardest times of my life, HE is wanting me to "remember when," I was so hopeless, and HE gave me hope.  HIS Daily Teachings today is to let me know that if ever I doubt whether or not HE loves me, all I have to do is think back, and "remember when."

Though I don't like to think much about what I have gone through in my life, I do want to remember what a hopeless, lost, lonely, scared, angry, bitter, traumatized person I once was.  Whenever I sing "Amazing Grace,"  I truly feel that song was written for me.  I was truly lost, and broken, and was ready to end my life when HE found me, and rescued me.

I "remember when," I heard HIM speak to me through HIS HOLY SPIRIT for the 1st time.  Though I didn't realize it was HIM, I now know it was indeed HIM.  I "remember when," I realized for the first time in my life, someone loved me because of WHO I was, and not for what I did, or didn't do.

HE is wanting me to always remember that HIS ways are loving, and NOTHING that I could ever do or say would ever set me apart from HIM.  It's frustrating to me in my humanness, that I allow myself to ever doubt HIM.  It is always after I have a HUGE meltdown in my faith, that HE takes me through a breakthrough.  I often feel so very unworthy of HIS unfailing love, as even though I know HE loves me, I forget all HE has done for me, and often times, I say stupid things like, "GOD why aren't YOU doing anything for me?"

The very thought that I let myself go there, makes me cringe, and want to hide my face from HIM.  This morning HE is wanting me to know that I must never try to hide from HIM, as HE already knew what I was going to say, before I even knew I was going to say it.

HE is wanting me to know that HIS ways are loving, and HE doesn't judge me, or make me feel bad about myself.  HE does however allow things to happen in my life, to grow my faith in HIM.  What I, Heather, a stubborn sinner have failed to realize is that, Satan is always there, and he takes every opportunity to make sure to plant the seed of doubt in my heart, soul, and mind about whether or not GOD truly loves me or not.

HE is telling me that in those moments where the seed is trying to take root, I must cut it off.  I must "remember when," ALL  of the times that HE has loved me through my darkest hours, and when HE has loved me so much and taken me through so many breakthroughs.

As I began reading my bible study today, I came across this quote from Carol Kent: "We realize that when unthinkable circumstances enter your life there comes a point when you either stand by what you believe or you walk away from it."

How true those words are for my life.  It has been through both of my miscarriages that I have come to a crossroads in my faith.  The first time, I lost a baby is when I decided I was much better off with HIM than without HIM.  The second time I lost a baby, I was devastated, angry, confused, and so incredibly sad.  It would take months of healing for me to fully grasp just how much HE loves me, and how strong of a person I had become because of HIS love for me.  I was able to get to that point, when I started to "remember when."

"For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord." Psalm 117:2

HE is wanting me to know that seeking HIS word daily is how I will stay connected to all HE has done for me, is doing, and will continue to do for me.  HE is telling me that though I may not choose to remember what I went through, HE doesn't want me to ever forget my moment of rescue, and all that HE has done for me.  I am learning that even though my past is full of abuse and tragedy, I don't necessarily have to remember those details, rather, I must choose to remember where I was in my life, and what HE has done for me in this journey that I have been on now for 11 years.  

I must always "remember when," that out of the ashes of devastation came HIS beautiful love, which has allowed me to live the life that I am living today.  I must always choose to look back and "remember when" HIS grace has been, more than enough for me.  Today I am reminded about HIS grace through a song by Rory Comtois called "If Not for Grace"  I "remember when" I first heard him sing this song, and where I was in my journey, and how broken I was, from circumstances that I couldn't control in my life.  I was just beginning to understand how amazing HIS grace truly is, and that HE was working really hard in my life, I just didn't see it at the time.  Today I am comforted by the lyrics, and every time I hear them, I "remember when."

"Where would I be? YOU only know.  I'm glad YOU see, through eyes of love.  A hopeless case, an empty place, if not for grace. I thank YOU for the things I cannot see.  YOU have been my shelter in the storms of my life, YOUR shield surrounding me."

HE is telling me today that if ever I start to feeling lonely, all I have to do is listen to this very song, and "remember when," through all the storms of my life, how HE was there, is there now, and will continue to always be there for me.  Today I am so thankful for the song "If Not For Grace" as it is HIS loving reminder of where I once was, and NEVER have to endure EVER again, because I know that my SAVIOR, my JESUS is there, and HE will carry me through the storms of my life.

I pray today that if you don't feel HIM in your life, all you have to do is look back, and "remember when" you felt HIS loving touch.  I pray that if you have never felt HIS loving touch, you would seek HIM today, and ask HIM to be LORD of your life.  I pray for healing and restoration for your broken heart, and for HIS favor and blessing to be poured over your life.  I pray today that you will know that HIS AMAZING GRACE is HIS gift for you.  

Blessings,
Heather