"survivor"

As I was going through my bible study this morning on what I "thought" GOD was going to have me write about was enjoying life, HE quickly revealed to me what HE wanted me to write about.  This for me is probably the toughest thing I have ever "endured."  I know that by HIM revealing this to me HE is taking me through a "breakthrough" of my past and shedding the title given to me of "survivor."

I went through many storms as a child.  I was mentally and physically abused by my biological mother till I was 4, and when I was taken away from her I was sexually abused by my step-grandfather from age 4 until I turned 15.  Throughout those years I "endured" a living hell, and put on my "survivor" gear.  Even though it's been 8 years since I was able to finally tell of what had happened to me, I still held onto the "surivor" in me.  Being a Mama of 5 has brought its challenges to me, especially when it comes to being childlike. Since I was never allowed to be a child, so I struggled to be childlike with my own children   I can remember when my two oldest daughters were little and how they wanted me to "play" with them, I would cringe.  I didn't know how to "play."  I remember them begging me to be silly with them, and I would and then feel guilty for being silly as I needed to be serious.  My childhood memories consisted of being told isn't wasn't ok to be a little girl.  Everything I did was "adultlike."  In April of 2005 I began to see an amazing Christian Therapist who helped me sort through my past. During our sessions she would say, "little Heather" is hurt, tell me why.  She gave me a voice I didn't even know I had.   Nine of months of intense therapy and many tears shed, I began to receive the "breakthrough" from my past. 

I am learning though that even through the "breakthrough" of my past, I had allowed myself to be in bondage with the title of "survivor."  GOD revealed to me this morning that HE doesn't just want me to "endure and survive" my life.  HE wants me to enjoy every moment I am given as it is a gift from HIM.  HE wants to me to know that I don't need to worry about what is going to happen next, but rather focus on the present so I don't miss out on my life. So much of my life has been me living with waiting for the "other shoe" to drop.  Always ready for the next "crisis."  Never letting my guard down.  In choosing to hold onto that mindset it only pulls me further away from GOD and HIS plans for my life.  I must choose to seek HIM and thank HIM for every moment I am given.  I, Heather need to enjoy and cherish my life, not only for me, but for JESUS.  As HE paid a very high price for me to be able to enjoy my life.

"I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance."  John 10:10

" I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:11

" Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24

"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them."  John 17:13

It is truly GOD's desire for me to enjoy my life, so I must choose to enjoy my life.  I will no longer have the mindset, and hold onto the title of "survior."   I will no longer just "endure" my life.  I WILL start living and enjoying each moment I am given.  I know that the more I enjoy my life, the more enjoyable I will be to be around.   At the end of each day I need to thank GOD for everything HE did for me that day.  If I made mistakes, repent and HE will forgive me, and HE will teach me that I can learn from those mistakes and bring me even closer to HIM.  I need to thank HIM for the victories HE has blessed me with, and when I think about them I will be joyful.  In remembering my victories my joy will be everlasting!

"Does your day go by in a blur or do you truly enjoy life?"

GOD wants me to know that each moment is a gift, and when I choose to see things that way,  I will be able to enjoy even what most people would view as a boring and ordinary life.  GOD wants me to know that there is nothing wrong with having fun.  That Satan will try and trick me into thinking that having fun is Sin and I need to be serious. Satan will deceive me into putting on the "survivor" gear, when GOD wants me to rid myself of it. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  John 10:10

In letting go of being a "survivor" I trust that HE is my strength that can and will carry me through the storms of my life.  I need not to worry about what's around the next corner but live and enjoy every moment I am given.

I pray today that if you put on your "survivor" gear that you are able to allow GOD to rid you of it.  HE wants you to have complete peace and freedom from the bondage that is keeping you there.  GOD loves you and has given you the precious gift of your life.  I pray that you not waste another moment with worrying about what is to come.  That HIS favor and blessings will be poured over your life today, and you will live in the present and enjoy each moment. 

Blessings,

Heather