"I'm Needy"

"Because of the trauma's I experienced early in life, I became extremely negative as an adult in my outlook on life.  I was always waiting for the next disaster, and I expected it to be right around the corner." ~ When I read this I felt as if though Joyce Meyer wrote this book for me.  This is me, I suffered a lot of trauma growing up as a young girl, all the way through my young adulthood.  At the tender age of 23 GOD started speaking to me, and not until I turned 25 did I fully give my life to HIM.  You see I have always had "trust" issues.  I have always had an "I'm Needy" mindset.  I was raised by selfish people, who didn't know how to care for me, who were also raised by selfish people.  I guess you would say it was a generational curse.  Things that happened to me in my life changed me, and I am still learning just how much it changed me.  Thankfully GOD loves me enough to capture my heart daily and rescue me from my fears, and fills in the gaps of all my "needs." 

This past year GOD began to reveal to me just how much my life was dominated by fear.  I was fearful of everything.  Was I a good enough wife, mama, friend?  How did other's view me?  Always second guessing myself, did I say the right thing, do the right thing?  I lost sleep and became very ill.  Sadly it all happened while I was expecting my 5th child and I didn't even get to enjoy my pregnancy.  I was so dominated by fear that I was always on edge whenever I went to my o.b.  I kept waiting for him to tell me that something else was wrong.  That was because I had a lot of complications with my pregnancy, but what I failed to realize was that GOD was with me, and was in control.  Seth was born healthy, and even with a few bumps in the road with nursing he is now a health 8 month old baby who is sitting up, on the verge of crawling, and is doing new things everyday.  In letting go and letting GOD I am learning to trust HIM with everything.

I know that when I become "needy" I feel depressed.  Such a deep level of depression that affects me spiritually, mentally, physically, financially, and socially.  I can't see the bright side of things, I lose sleep, I'm tired all of the time.  I am doom and gloom when it comes to our families future, and I pull away from relationships with people, so they won't see or know how depressed I am.  It seems as if though in my past everytime I get really on "Fire" with my faith, Satan is there to fill my head with TONS of negative wrong thoughts!  I am constantly riding out the next wave praying it doens't pull me under.  GOD however, wants me to know that instead of being fearful during a tough season I should know that HE will provide my every need.  

GOD wants me to Boldly expect that HE will prosper every area of my life, when I align my life to HIS will.  " He doesn't want us to live in fear of losing what we have or being without what we need."  These words are what I need to hear, daily.  I need to know that GOD doesn't want me to live a life of fear but rather a life of freedom, in HIM in HIS promises to always provide for my needs.  HE has never left me hanging in my time of "need," therefore I shouldn't ever be in fear.   HE is asking me to remember that fear is from Satan to keep me from HIM and HIS purpose for my life.  I need to make sure that I open the right door in my life, that is of FAITH and not fear!

GOD delights in providing for my needs.  He wants to see me happy and to enjoy the blessings HE pours over my life.  I must allow HIM to create in me a new mindset that HE loves providing for my every need.  I must NOT allow Satan to put the wrong thoughts in my mind, and rebuke them so that they will NOT become my reality.  Instead I MUST have a mindset that I can trust GOD that HE knows me best, and knows what's best for me.  HIS plans are far greater than anything I can imagine.  Even when HE doesn't do things "my way" HIS was is far better.  " Cast down those wrong thoughts and bring every thought captive into the obedience of Jesus Christ." 2 Cor 10:5

When I see myself as a child of GOD, I know I am a person HE loves and is happy to provide for all of my needs, then I will become a person who isn't needy.

"All of my needs are met according to GOD's riches in Christ Jesus" Phillipians 4:19

"GOD blesses me and makes me a blessing to others" Genesis 12:2

"I give and it is given unto me, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over." Luke 6:38

"GOD richly and ceaselessly provides everything for my enjoyment." 1 Timothy 6:17

"I serve GOD and HE takes pleasure in my prosperity." Psalm 35:27

In choosing faith in GOD He will renew my mind that HIS provision will be given to me in abundance according to HIS word.

I believe now looking back I have always been a "needy" person.  Someone who felt NO self worth due to circumstances in my life.  I've never fully trusted and relied on GOD that HE would meet my every need.  I had always tried to trust people, and I was hurt repeatedly.  This hurt allowed me to become guarded with my heart and my trust with everyone including GOD.  I was always waiting for the "other shoe" to drop.  It is now through my faith that I am learning that GOD is with me.  I have not be forsaken, and that HIS plans for me are great.  Through this faith I expect GOD to be faithful to me and I trust HIM to meet all of my needs, and in doing so the door will be open for GOD to work in my life.

"God is waiting to bless people, but he is looking for someone who is expecting his favor" Isaiah 30:18

GOD will never promise me a life without challenges but HE has promised that HE will never leave me.  HE has blessed me with the wisdom to know that and to claim that.  YOU Lord are all that I need and I know that you will meet all of my needs abundantly! 

So today I encourage you my friends, to take off your disguises, masks,  and see yourself as GOD's child.  To witness just how magnificent HE thinks and knows you are!  Believe it!  "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14

Lord Jesus I am expecting YOU to continue to heal my heart Lord.  To strengthen my vision to see myself as you see me.  To continue to become the Wife, Mama, Daughter, Sister, Friend YOU created me to be.  To follow your will for my life, and to trust YOU completely!

Friends, GODS words are annointed to bring transformation to your thinking and to change your life!  I pray today that you will begin a new mindset that GOD's love is abundant and that HE will provide your every need!

Blessings,
Heather