fear....

There are few moments that I dread as a Mama, one of those being talking to my children about "Stranger Danger."  Yesterday I spoke to my almost five year old son about how we never talk to strangers.  How they could take him from me, and do bad things to him.  I felt confident when I finished our "talk" that he really heard me.  In my heart I knew that a test would probably be right around the corner, only I didn't realize just how quickly that would come.

The day started out with us driving in my new suv with my boys, and my son proudly showed me that he could work his own window.  It was while driving down the highway during the morning commute, that he rolled down his window and began waving and talking to anyone and everyone who would listen.  I quickly located the window lock button, and reminded him of "stranger danger."

Our first stop was at the DMV, and I reiterated of just how important it was for him to stay right by me, and how we don't ever talk to strangers.  Well true to his reputation of being my strongest willed child, he began to test the boundaries.  It started off slowly at first, but then as time went on, he became bolder in his defiance.  By the time we were leaving, he was running circles around me, and his baby brother.  I was exasperated, but I needed to make one more stop, and though I really didn't want to, I decided I would be really quick.

When we got to our next destination, TARGET, how fitting it is that we were in that store.  I felt as if though I had a target on me, as my patience was wearing very thin.  I was trying to be as quick as possible in getting the things I needed, and as I was reaching for an item on the top shelf, he escaped the cart.  He smiled that , "what are you gonna do about this Mama look," and I sternly said, "No sir, you need to stay in the cart, remember "stranger danger?"  With that he was off and running, yelling, "my shoes make me so fast Mama, no one can catch me."

A clerk was stocking the shelves, as I kept my cool, I quickly asked her if she could please stay with my baby in the cart, and I took off after him.  I finally caught up to him, as the alarm was going off from him being "lost."  I didn't realize it at the time, but the store was on lock down, until I located my son.

I walked him back to the cart, and before I could get two words out, he took off again.  This time I raced through the aisles with his baby brother, and turned the corner just in time to see him dive into a clothing rack.  I began to say, "Buddy Mama isn't mad, but please you need to come to me right now."  I must have stayed around the clothing rack for another thirty seconds as the horror hit me, "he isn't in there."

All I can remember after that is frantically yelling his name, and crying out to GOD, "OH GOD OH GOD."  As I sit here typing those words this morning, the pain of that moment comes rushing back.  As I was running and crying, and eventually began screaming his name, a clerk saw me, and said, "do you need some help?"  I don't know how I got the words out, but I managed to say, "My son, orange shirt, oh god please help me."  She quickly got on her radio, and I don't have a clue what she said, but once again I heard the alarm.

Being deaf brings out one of my biggest fears, and that is NOT being able to hear my children cry out to me. Yesterday being deaf is what kept me from completely breaking down, as I didn't hear what they were saying.  I was so focused on finding him.  Soon they said, "we found him."  After what seemed like forever, probably 2 or 3 minutes they were able to locate him.  He had run to the toy aisle, and when he saw me he had HUGE crocodile tears and said, "I'm sorry Mama, I just really wanted a toy."

As I sat thinking about this moment, replaying in my head, over and over, I sensed GOD said to me, "Fear not for I am with you always."  HIS Daily Teachings was a loving reminder in HIS word this morning through Psalm 23.  I can honestly say I have read this so many times, but never did it bring such a comfort to me.  I am thankful that yesterday HE began preparing my heart for what was to come.  I am thankful that HE showed me how HE is my source of comfort, and strength.

Today HE has asked me to break down what Psalm 23 means to me.  Through my quiet time bible, I am able to answer the question, "What fear in your life will go to war against with this prayer as your concern?"  Today I will face my fear boldly and will declare that the LORD is my source of comfort and strength.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." Ps. 23:1 

I know HE is my rock and my fortress, and with HIM I won't be afraid. I am learning that HE is with me always.  I know that with HIM I will be able to face my fears with confidence as I am know I am NEVER alone.

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters" Ps. 23:2

I am learning that HE is where I can, will, and do find rest.  I know that often times when I am stressed HE gives me the opportunity to just lie down, come to HIM, and lay all of my burdens down.  I know that it is when I surrender completely HE gives me peace, and with peace comes much needed rest.

"He restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

Throughout the past 103 days of being in HIS word I know that HE is teaching me everyday to "be still and know that HE is GOD."  I am learning that through my daily surrendering and obedience that I must seek HIM daily and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single moment of my life.  More than anything I long to be like JESUS in my heart.  I know that in choosing to follow HIM and seeking solace in HIM, HE can, will, and does give me everything I need to face my fears.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;  your rod and your staff they comfort me."

In 2004 I read the Todd and Lisa Beamer story, "Let's Roll."  Todd was one of the heroic passengers aboard flight 93 that crashed into a field in Shanksville, PA on September 11, 2001.  A telephone operator spoke with Todd's wife Lisa, and told her about her husbands final moments on the phone with her.  While he, and other passengers were preparing to storm the cockpit, he asked the operator, "will you say Psalm 23 with me?"  I remember my eyes welling up with tears as I read how he bravely said Psalm 23 with the operator.  I remember thinking, "would I be able to do the same?"  I can only imagine the fear that he and the other passengers must have felt that day.  I can only imagine what comfort it must have brought him in his final moments.  I believe that GOD allowed me to read Todd's story of triumph in proclaiming his loving HEAVENLY FATHER'S words despite the terror and fear that was so present in his final moments.  I know that GOD wants me to know that even in my "darkest hours" HE is with me always.  HE wants me to know that HE is with me, and HE is greater than the evil that is lurking, and trying to hurt me.  I believe that GOD protected Todd in his final moments as he cried out to the one who love and knows him best.  I believe that when I cry out to HIM, HE hears everyone of my cries, and answers every single one of my calls for help.

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You annoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Ps. 23:5

GOD is letting me know this morning that nothing scares HIM.   HE is letting me know that admist all of my fear of the evil that is lurking in my life, HE can, will, and does continue to prepare me for what is to come.  HE prepares me to complete HIS good works in my life.  HE wants me to know that I shouldn't fear anything, as HE has it all under control.  Therefore, I must trust HIM.   HE is reminding me once again that I am to be in this world and not of it.  HE wants me to know that as HIS follower I am to be set apart.  HE wants me to know that because I am set apart, evil will lurk around me.  I must trust HIS words that I can seek refuge in HIM, and HE will protect me.  HE is my fortress!

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  Ps. 23:6

I know that by following HIM everyday, picking up my cross and surrendering I will live a truly blessed life.  I know that because I have asked HIM into my heart and declared JESUS CHRIST as my LORD and SAVIOR I am saved!  I know that because I am saved that I am promised eternal life.  A life to live with JESUS and HIS FATHER in heaven.  I know that one day, I will no longer have to worry about evil lurking, and I will no longer be weary from all the burdens that this side of life brings me.  HIS Daily Teachings wants me to know that just as one day I will have nothing to fear, HE doesn't want me to have to wait.  HE wants me to boldly declare whose I am to my fear, speak of my fear, and pray my fear away with HIS words. "HE wants me to be confident that HE who began a good work in me will carry it to completion until the day of CHRIST JESUS." Philippians 1:6

Today I am thankful for my loving SAVIOR who has once again rescued me in my time of need.  I am thankful that HE has placed it in my heart to model HIS love for me, to my own children.  I am thankful that HE chooses me everyday to live this life that I have been blessed with.  I am thankful that even though I mess up and allow fear to take over my heart, that HE is there with me always.   I am thankful to know that I never exasperate HIM, and HE never grows weary of my defiance.  I am thankful that HE loves me through all of my strong willedness, and NEVER gives up on me.

I pray today that you will seek the courage and the confidence in HIM to face your fear.  I pray today that you will know that HE is your fortress and you can seek refuge in HIM.  I pray today that you will run and not walk straight into HIS loving arms.  I pray today that you will seek HIM, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide you through every single moment of your life today.

Blessings,
Heather