unfailing love....

One of my greatest fears is feeling unloved.  To not be accepted, and to have to face rejection.  I get so worked up knowing someone doesn't like me.  Worse than that I can become enraged when someone is spreading vicious lies about me.  GOD revealed HIS truth to me yesterday, and today in HIS words just how much I need to overcome the insecurity of feeling unloved, and the feeling of rejection. 

HIS Daily teachings yesterday revealed to me that "when life suddenly errupts like a volcano insecurity turns into panic." Beth Moore.  I now know that HE was trying to prepare me for what the day would be bringing.  Thankfully I didn't errupt for too long, before HE rescued me once again before I completely self destructed.   I am learning that HE prepares me for the very test that I am going to be enduring right when I need it.

Yesterday I was hit pretty hard by some accusations that I couldn't even fathom someone saying about me.  Upon hearing what "people" thought about me, I became angry, and I began to think very impure thoughts.  I had allowed the "lies of deception" to creep into my life, and even when I knew that these things weren't true, I allowed myself to be emotionally lead.  HIS Daily teachings was a double dose of what HE wanted me to know today.  HE made it so that I wasn't able to blog yesterday, as I needed to go through this test to fully understand what HE was saying to me.

HE has been showing me that it is when I am falling apart, HIS unfailing love will be revealed to me.  It is when those moments of rejection come into my life, and the feelings of being judged, and not being acceptetd creep into my heart, and begin to twist my emotions and distort HIS words for me that I must cling to HIM and know that HE is with me.  I am learning that just because I was forsaken by so many people, HE will never forsake me. 

HE knows that the pain of rejection that I endured as a young girl still creeps into my thoughts sometimes.  HE also knows that when I allow that pain to creep into my heart, it keeps me from knowing HIS truth.  HE has revealed to me that until I know for certain whose I am, HE will allow these tests of my faith in HIM to continue. 

Today I am seekiing to know "whose I am, so I can know who I am" Pastor Brian Sanders, ELEVATE Church.  Today I am thankful for the tests that HE is putting me through, as they are refining and renewing my heart.   I am thankful that HE is strengthening my faith, and allowing me to grow closer to HIM.  I am thankful that I know I am to fully rely on HIM. 

GOD has let me know that it is because HE is the one who created me, HE knows exactly the way my heart works.  HE knows how tenderhearted I am, as HE intended me to be tenderhearted.  HE is showing me that my greatest need can only be fulfilled by HIM, and that is unfailing love.  HIS unfailing love that is,"unconditional, unwavering, radical, demonstartive, broader than the horizon, and deeper than the sea."

HE is saying that I am lying if I say my greatest need is anything besides HIS unfailing love.

"What a person desires is unfailing love^[better to be poor than a liar." Proverbs 19:22

I am learning that GOD created me to crave HIS unfailing love.  HE created me to crave HIM so that I would receive eternal life through HIM.  HE created in me a need that wouldn't be fulfilled until I seek HIM earnestlly every day of my life.

Beth Moore describes what that seeking means in these words: " Searching for perfect, unfailing love in anyone else is not only fruitless, it is miserably disappointing and destructive."  I know that I will never find that fulfillment in the flesh, therefore I must seek HIM earnestly and allow HIM  to teach, lead, and guide me through every moment of my life.  I know that my heart will not be healthy until it is completely full of HIM.

"No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has be satisfied by GOD first." Oswald Chambers.

"We are not free to love in the true intent of the word until we have found HIS love."

I would add that not only could I not love freely, but I didn't understand what it fully meant to love someone until I found GOD'S love for me.

D and I came to the realization about six years ago, that neither one of us truly loved each other when we got married.  We got married when I was 6 months pregnant with our first daughter.  We had been planning our wedding for the summer of 99, however in the summer of 98 GOD had other plans for us.  I still wanted to wait until the date when had orginally chosen, but D was adamant that he wanted to be married before our child was to be born.  I was terrified of what people would think, as I knew it was wrong to be pregnant before marriage, but even in my "knowing" I didn't really understand what that truly meant.

It would be  years later that GOD would take me through that time, and show me what it meant.  It is when HE would reveal to both D and I that we couldn't possibly understand and truly love someone with HIM in our lives.  In just two short months D and I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage, and we would love to be able to renew our vows, as it is now that we truly understand what it is to love one another, and to be fully committed to one another.  We know this because we have chosen to keep JESUS at the center of our marriage.  Today we know that our love for each other runs deep, but our love for CHRIST runs even deeper. 

We know that it has been through HIS unfailing love that we were able to find each other again throughout the storms of our marriage.  We have learned that we were able to forgive much easier  because we know that HE has forgiven us.  We have been able to demonstrate unconditional love to our children because of HIS undconditional love for us.

I have learned that love without JESUS,  is all just temporary.  Love without HIM, is here today, and gone tomorrow.  HIS love is everlasting, and when we choose to keep HIM at the center of our marriage, and our family, our family will be everlasting.

Today I am thankful that I know I will find HIM when I am falling apart.  I am thankful for HIS unfailing love, that is renewing and refining my heart daily.  I am thankful that HIS love is allowing me to be a mama to 5 awesome children, and a wife to amazing GODLY man.  I am thankful for this life that HE has chosen for me, and I am thankful for HIS Daily Teachings as that is where I find HIS unfailing love, when I am falling apart.

I pray today that you will know HIS unfailing love is always there.  I pray today that if you are falling apart, that you will seek the one who knows and loves you the most.  I pray that HIS truth will be revealed to you, and that you will know that HIS unfailing love is meant just for you.  I pray today that HE will capture your heart, and HE will show you that HE created you just the way HE intended.

Blessings,
Heather