defiant....

No matter how much I "think" I am following GOD'S will for my life, HE quickly let's me know that my "thinking" is quite distorted.  HIS Daily Teachings today revealed to me my defiant heart.  HE has let me know that HE is no longer o.k. with me having a defiant heart, and that until I surrender HE will continue to seek after me, until I allow HIM to transform my defiant heart, into an obedient heart that follows HIS will for my life.

In true "Heather" fashion, I failed to realize that I was harboring unforgiveness.  Without even realizing it, I was allowing bitterness to creep into my heart, and take over my body.  GOD revealed this to me this morning through my bible study.  I'll admit, when I saw what I was to read about, I groaned, as surely HE wasn't still teaching me about forgiveness?  Hadn't I already been through enough tests and trials in this area?  Hadn't I proven to HIM that I can forgive?  HE let me know that HE will continue to seek me, as HE promises to be relentless with me so that I will be able to live a truly blessed life on my journey towards wholeness.

"We never look more like CHRIST than when we forgive; since that's GOD'S goal, we're destined for plenty of opportunities." 

This morning I am living proof of that.  This morning HE has revealed to me just who I was harboring unforgiveness in my heart for.   This was for a person who I "felt" didn't deserve my forgiveness, as in my opinion had an ugly heart.  I "felt" as if though this person were an impostor posing as a CHRIST follower, but really just spreading their self-indulgent, self-serving, all knowing, judging, claim to be a CHRIST follower.....oh just typing those words.... O.k. so by now I've gotten your attention.  Your thinking of someone you know, but I will say this: "It's NOT GOD honoring to "think" this way."  I know, I struggled with that very thought this morning myself. 

It has been through HIS Daily Teaching today that HE has let me know that because I am an ambassador of CHRIST, I know I am called to a ministry of forgiveness.  A ministry of where I have had many ups and downs, and some successes, and more failures than I would like to count.  Today HE has revealed to me that those failure's were a direct result from my defiance.

HE has let me know that just as my own children disobey me, I too disobey HIM.  HE is letting me know this morning that HE is NO longer going to be accepting of my deliberate defiance.  HE is letting me know that HE wants me to forgive, no matter how I may "feel." 

I must choose forgiveness no matter what!  I must let go of the grudges I am carrying in my heart.  I must not make anymore excuses as to why I can't forgive someone who has hurt me.  I must trust HIM that HIS judgement will be in HIS timing, and what that justice is, doesn't concern me.  I must choose to do my part, in HIS will for my life.  I must be GOD honoring, and surrendering in every area of my life.

I am learning that I tend to hold grudges against people who I "feel" have judged me.  GOD is letting me know that the only thing that matters is what HE knows and says about me.  HE has let me know that my identity in HIM is worth so much more, even more than a million likes from someone else. 

HE has reminded me once again that HIS love for me is relentless.  HE has let me know that when I am defiant HE will continue to do things to get my attention.  I am learning that until I surrender, HE will continue to make my life difficult, until I let go...... and let GOD.  I must heed HIS instructions, and I must choose forgiveness.

This morning I realized that I didn't journal or blog yesterday because I was harboring some major unforgiveness in my heart, as I "felt" judged by someone in my life.  This morning I felt convicted to give up those "feelings" to GOD, and asked HIM to create in me an obedient heart, and a heart to love this person just because they are HIS child. 

In choosing to let go of the defiance in my heart, HIS words and promises are coming true for my life.  I know that in order to live my life to its fullest I must choose to trust HIM that HE knows what is best for me.  I must trust that the trials HE allows in my life are to benefit me.  I know that it is when HE takes me through storms in my life, it is when HE is growing my faith in HIM.

I am learning that the more time I spend in HIS word, the more I am wanting HIM to teach me.  Every morning I wake up saying, "LORD JESUS I need you to teach, lead, and guide me how to live every single moment of my day today."  I am learning that it is only for HIM that I am willing to go the distance.  He is letting me know that in order to go the distance for HIM, I must choose to let go of my defiant heart, and seek HIM to create in me an obedient heart.

"Now I find myself wanting GOD to be able to expect much from me.  I don't want to occupy this small space in time in mediocrity"

I no longer want to just read about having an obedient heart, I want to have an obedient heart.  I want to be able to witness to those whose need JESUS' touch.  I want my life to be a living testament to show what GOD has done in me and through me.  I want HIM to keep testing me and putting me through storms, so that I will become reliant on only HIM.  I want to know that my strength, can only come from HIM.  I want HIM to renew and refine my defiant heart, and transform my heart into an obedient one.

"Unparalleled joy and victory come from allowing CHRIST to do "the hard thing" with us."

I my lifetime I have come to know that nothing is harder than forgiveness.  When it comes to forgiveness  in my life, I am learning that "old habits die hard."  Meaning that as much as I say I want to change, I better know that HE will present every opportunity to make sure that my transformation happens. 

"Each of us has been confronted by some pretty overwhelming challenges to forgive."

Words can't describe the confusion I felt when GOD asked me to forgive the two people who hurt me the worst in my past.  I remember that day so clearly when HE promised to take that pain away from me.  I remember the freedom I felt when I forgave that day. My life is a living testament that GOD can, will, and does everything HE says HE will do. However, in my humanness all to soon I "forget" just how much HE has done for me. Again, "old habits die hard."

Cross references:

1. Ephesians 4:32 : 1Pe 3:8
2. Ephesians 4:32 : Mt 6:14, 15; Col 3:12, 13

I am learning that in HIS eyes, absolutely nothing is unforgiveable.  HE is letting me know that no matter what happens to me, I am to forgive those who have hurt me.  He has let me know that in choosing to harbor unforgiveness in my heart I am keeping myself from being able to attain true freedom in HIM.

HE has revealed to me once again that when I choose to forgive someone who has hurt me, I will live a truly blessed life.  Therefore, I must let go of my defiance, and let GOD take over.  I must stop trying to justify my unforgiveness, and lay it all at the foot of the cross.  I must seek HIM earnestly and ask HIM to renew and refine my heart, soul, and mind.

HE has let me know that the unforgiveness in my heart is anchored by the excuses that I have allowed in my heart through Satan's "lies of deception.  Those very lies where exposed to me today through HIS teachings.

LIE #1 ~  the person isn't sorry for what they did, or they won't take responsibility
TRUTH# ~ It is my responsibility as  CHRIST follower to cultivate a forgiving heart.  GOD calls me to forgive others, just as I have been forgiven by HIM.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

LIE #2 ~ it is too late to forgive this person, as they are already in the grave
TRUTH# ~ It is never too late to forgive someone for the injustices that they have inflicted onto my life.  GOD says that I won't receive freedom until I forgive.

"Therefore, my brothers and sisters, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.  Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin, a justification you were not able to obtain under the law of Moses." Acts 13:38-39

LIE #3 ~ what this person has done to me is unforgiveable
TRUTH# ~ no one sin is greater than any other.  GOD desires for me to have true peace and freedom.  I won't be able to attain either until I forgive.

" For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." James 2:10

"After all, forgiveness would make everything o.k. and we want the record to show that we're not o.k."

GOD'S truth is simply this: "I won't be o.k. unitl I forgive."  HE has revealed to me that when I harbor unforgiveness through excuses, HE can't use me for HIS good works.  I am learning that in choosing to harbor unforgiveness  in my heart I am unable to write my blog.  I am learning that I must surrender and obey HIS Daily Teachings.

Today I have learned that I must let go of my incessant "need" to be defiant.  I must obey and follow HIM and do what HE tells me to do, no matter how I may "feel."  HE has let me know this morning that until I surrender and do what HE tells me to do, HE will continue to knock on the door of my heart.  HE has reminded me once again that HIS love is relentless.  HE has let me know that HE will relentlessly seek after me because HE loves me so much.

"GOD is faithful.  HE will plead our case and take up our cause.... but only when we make a deliberate decision to cease representing ourselves in the matter."

In choosing to believe and know that HE is faithful I must let go of HIM "needing" to hear of the injustices that have been done to me.  He is letting me know that HE already knows, and has allowed said injustices to be done to me, so that my dependence in HIM will grow, and therefore my faith will continue to grow.

Today I am thankful to know and serve a loving GOD who's love is relentless.  I am thankful that HE allows the storms to pass through my life to teach me HIS lessons every single day of my life.  Today I am thankful to know that though the storms may come, and the waves may crash, HE is there, holding me, helping me, and loving me all the way through it.

I pray today that you will seek the one who's love for you is relentless.  I pray today that you will surrender the unforgiveness that you have harbored in your heart.  I pray today that HIS favor and blessings will be poured over your life through your obedience in HIM.  I pray today that you will allow HIM to transform your defiant heart into an obedient heart for HIM.

Blessings,
Heather