forgiven...

Throughout my daily walk with JESUS, HE is revealing to me how much I don't realize that I'm forgiven.  So often in my humanness I try and pay my debt's to be forgiven by HIM.  HE revealed to me this morning, that it's silly and a waste of time for me to try and pay my debts as they have already been paid by HIM.

Forgiveness is something that I struggle with.  Not only for myself, but for others who I feel have wronged me or someone I care about.  So often I get wrapped up in my emotions and let them lead me to my decisions.  I know that by allowing myself to be emotionally lead I am missing out GOD's plan and purpose for my life.  I know that because I am forgiven, HE is asking me to forgive others, no matter what they have done or said to me.

I know that while I expect other's to forgive me when I am genuinely sorry, I must be willing to forgive them. I know that GOD's love keeps NO records of wrong.

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I know that GOD wants me to forgive those who hurt me, and because I know this I try to.  I want to, and I pray to, however I allow myself to be bitter and resentful that it is ME again who has to forgive.  Really GOD? Why Me?  HIS Daily teaching today is this, " because you are forgiven."  

I know that because I am forgiven I must abandon any and all thoughts of anger and unforgiving thoughts.  I know that when I allow those thoughts in my mind, I stay trapped in my own prison.  Therefore, I must align my thoughts and actions to HIS will for my life.  I know that HE knows what is best for me, and so if HE is asking me to forgive someone, then I must obey.  I know that until I am able to forgive the people who have hurt me, GOD will NEVER be able to use me.

I know that GOD is ready to forgive me when I have messed up, but so often I am my own worst enemy and allow the guilt and shame to be piled on.  I know that I am usually the last one to forgive myself.  I must keep my emotions in check and not them decide whether or not I am worthy of being forgiven.  I know that even though I may not "feel" worthy enough to receive forgiveness, GOD wants me to know that I am.  I must not let my feelings get in the way of HIS purpose and plans for my life.

GOD really wants me to know that I can NEVER pay for my sins.  I can however repent and ask, and I am forgiven.  I know that it is NOT HIS will for me to try and do good deeds to get on HIS good side.  I must remember that there is no "do good for Daddy" mentality allowed.  Through my faith I am learning that it is foolish and a waste of HIS time for me to try and pay a debt that has already been paid.  I know that if I "feel" like I have to pay a debt for my sins, then I must ask myself, "what was the point of JESUS' sacrifice?"

Today I am so thankful for the reminder that GOD's forgiveness is free. I am thankful that it is NOT something that I can earn, as I will NEVER be good enough to earn anything.  I am a mess, but I am HIS mess.  I am being refined and renewed everyday.  I know that even though I still make mistakes even after learning and praying daily, I know that I am repenting, and seeking forgiveness, and I am NOT allowing myself to wallow in my flaws.  I am no longer throwing my "woe is me" pity parties.  The invitations have been burned, and I am putting on my new party dress of "forgiven."

In being forgiven I am moving forward through the messy crazy life that I am living.  I am thankful because I  know that I am not alone.  HE is right there with me enjoying this crazy wild ride of a life that I am living.  This past weekend the message at church was this, "I don't want an easy life, I want a crazy life." LORD JESUS I don't want to do things "my way," as YOUR way is so much better than I can even imagine. I want more of YOU with each day passing.  LORD JESUS I need you to teach, lead, and guide me through every moment of my life.

In the last area that I struggle with forgiveness is that GOD wants me to know that is only through forgiveness that I am set free.  HE is letting me know that the people who have hurt me will NEVER be able to undo that hurt.  That there is nothing that they can do that will erase my past.  HE is letting me know that I can choose to forgive so that my bitterness and anger do not eat away at my heart, and turn it to a heart of stone.  I know that the only way to live in total freedom is to forgive and trust GOD that HE can, will, and does restore me completely.

I know that forgiving my step-grandfather and Granny has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to do.  I couldn't imagine being able to forgive someone who hurt me in the deepest depths of my soul.  When GOD asked me to forgive I was afraid that by forgiving it would mean that what they did was ok.  It would mean that it would erase what they did to me.  GOD has shown me that through the power of HIS forgiveness true freedom has been restored.  I know that because I forgave them I am now able to walk in total freedom of my past. I am no longer held in bondage with the shame and guilt that came with it all.  I am nightmare, flashback, and memory free of pain and suffering.  I am no longer shedding tears of injustice,  and being filled with the need for revenge.  I am free truly free, all because HE loved me enough, all because I am forgiven.

I pray today that if you are holding onto past hurts, that you will release them to HIM.  I pray today that you will allow HIM to transform your heart, and that you will be able to forgive those who hurt you.  I pray today that you will receive total freedom from  your past through your obedience in HIM.

Blessings,
Heather