tantrums

The above title says it all, in case we haven't met, "Hi, I'm Heather, and well more often than not I tend to throw tantrums when things aren't going my way."  When I think of the word tantrums, I picture my five year old son, jumping up and down, crying, and whining when he doesn't get his way.  However, taking a closer look into my heart on this journey with HIM in allowing HIM to reveal to me not only my source of anger, but how I express my anger, well it's quite embarrassing, and to be honest, I'm not really too excited about sharing what I feel HE is calling me to share with you all today.

HIS Daily Teachings today is having me take a really good look at my tantrums that though I may not "think" are the same as my five year old, HE is letting me know that in fact they are the same.  HE is showing me that in both instances we both get upset, and tell of our dislikes of the situation.  HE is telling me that we do this with out any regard of who elses feelings will be hurt in the process.  This morning HE is taking me back to this weeks tantrums alone.

Just last night when all the children were in bed, D and I began discussing, well actually I brought up the fact that he was working late at night once again.  I had no intention of hiding my displeasure, and I made it known to him, what was what!"  I cringe as I think about last nights tantrum.  We ended up going to sleep with me sort of apologizing, but not really, and him, well honestly I think he felt beat down.  

When I woke up this morning, I avoided him for as long as I could, afraid of what he would say to me about last night.  Instead, he greeted me lovingly, and asked me how I was.  He was working again this morning, and instead feeling upset that he was working, I asked him if he was ready for his meeting tonight after work. We chatted for a bit, and he let me know that he was almost ready, and that he had a hectic day coming up. I listened to him tell me about his days plans, and when he went to leave I kissed him goodbye, and told him to have a good day.

Feeling satisfied, I felt as if though that were enough, however by the time I sat down to journal what was on my heart this morning, I could feel HIM humbling me, and letting me know that it is time that I fully know and and understand how my tantrums are affecting not only my marriage, but my relationships with my children. HE is letting me know that gone are the days where I get to say whatever I feel like saying, and I allow HIM to create in me a patient and humble heart.

As I journaled this morning and asked HIM for HIS help, I had no idea just how far HE would go to capture my attention.  What started out with my first devotional in reiterating that HE is the source of my living water.  That HE is the one WHO will fill in my wilderness with HIS living water.  That I must rely on HIM and HIM alone that HE will heal me when I open up the deepest most hidden places within me that are NOT HOLY.  

HIS Teachings continued on through my next devotional with today's Power Thought.  May 13th's reading read, "I am patient and determined!"  Woah!  Okay GOD hearing you LOUD and CLEAR!  Patience, oh how I am careful to pray for that in my life, as I have learned that when I pray, I know that the tests and trials are right around the corner.  I must choose to seek HIM and ask HIM to create a new mindset for me, to keep my mind focused on what HE is telling me, and letting go of the "need" to be heard.  HE is telling me that in order to receive a new mindset, I must keep pressing on, and pressing through the challenges that I face on a daily basis.  HE is reminding me once again, that this is all to grow and strengthen my faith in HIM.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:36

HE is wanting me to know that I need to seek HIM to teach me about patience and endurance.  HE is telling me that I must learn how to use both of these things in my life in order to walk this journey that I am walking with HIM.  HE is telling me that I must choose to walk on the path that HE has chosen for me, and to live my life according to HIS word, so that I will then be able to live my life to the fullest.   HE is letting me know that in choosing tantrums over humility, I am keeping myself from HIS blessings, and HIS favor in my life.  

HE is showing me that in choosing tantrums, I am setting a horrible example of trusting HIM completely for my children.  HE is wanting me to know that each time I throw a tantrum, it is like I am making the choice to choose evil for my life.  This is hard for me, as I am determined to live a HOLY, GODLY, GOD HONORING life.  

HE is wanting me to know that in order to live out my determinations, I must seek HIM to create in me a new mindset.  I must choose to trust HIM and choose NOT to worry about anything, as HE is proving it to me time and again that HE really does work out everything for my own good.  

Today HE is letting me know that in choosing to make my "feelings" be known last night, instead of taking my hurts to HIM, HE is now going to humble me.  HE is telling me that rather than spouting off, or throwing my tantrums about how I "feel," I must seek HIM, and allow HIM to create in me a content, peaceful, and patient heart.  UGH!!!  Seriously?!?  GAH!!!  Okay, now that I got that out of the way, its FRUSTRATING to be the one who is always changing, and growing and strengthening, and.......... rant over.

"For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 14:11

HE is telling me that by hearing HIS teachings, and agreeing with HIS teachings, I will then be able to put HIS teachings to work in my life.  HE is wanting me to know that in doing all of these steps I am moving closer and closer to HIM with each step.  HE is wanting me to know that no matter how long it takes for HIM to fully renew my heart, soul, and mind, each stage, each trial, each test, each storm, all of these things will be worth it in the end, as it is then I will be living as HE is calling me to live, and I will be HOLY just as HE is HOLY.

"You are training your mind to work for you, instead of against you, which takes faith and patience." Joyce Meyer "Power Thoughts Devotional"

Just before typing the blog, I called D, and told him how sorry I was for my tantrums last night.  During our conversation, I felt a sense of peace come over me, and I knew that it was HIM letting me know that I had done the right thing.  It was during that phone call that I realized that it is my calling as D's wife to build him up, and NOT tear him down.  It was then that I realized that I didn't want another moment to pass by without D knowing how I felt about him, and knowing how sorry I really was.  

Today through calling D, and apologizing I am understanding now more than ever the importance of allowing HIM to humble me.  I am learning the value of humility, verses the tantrums that I choose on a daily basis.  I am learning that choosing humility over my anger, will stop my tantrums dead in their tracks.  Today I am thankful to know that HE is in control and HE has it all worked out for my own good.  Today I can honestly say that "It is well with my soul," as I know that HE is always in control.

Dear friends, I pray today that if you too struggle with tantrums in your life, that you will choose to seek HIM , and allow HIM to humble you.  To allow HIM to create in you a peaceful, and patient heart.  I pray that you will know that HE is there when the tests, trials, and storms come to teach you about humility.  I pray today that instead of giving into your anger, that other's will see HIM through you when you choose humility over anger, and stop your tantrums dead in their tracks.

with love, prayers, and so much understanding,
Heather