the source

For the past few days, anger has taken up residence inside of me.  Feeling angry about everything and everything.  It seems as if though no matter which way I turned, in my marriage, being Mama, or my friendships, in ALL of my relationships anger seemed to be taking over me once again.  In total desperation, I got up at 3 a.m. this morning, seeking HIM and asking HIM to please take away all this anger that is living inside of me. 

HIS Daily Teachings today is showing me that the source of my anger is everything that I have learned in my past.  HE is wanting me to know that today is the day where HE will begin to help me to close the gaping and bleeding wounds that I still have within me from my past.  

When I first realized that my anger was from my past, well honestly I was angry.  I couldn't help but to feel defeated, in thinking, "here we go again, another horrible journey through my wretched past."  This morning however HE has lovingly been leading me with HIS truth that the source of which Satan has used in my past, is NO longer the source in my life now.  HE is teachings me that HE is the only source that I am to allow to influence my heart, soul, and mind.  

Through HIS words as they have been written this morning,  I am understanding more and more just how much I need HIM to be the only source that of which I will allow to influence me.  I am learning the reason of the importance that HE insists upon for me in choosing to be NOT of this world, to be a Misfit, is so that I will choose to live according to HIS will, and so that I will be able to do my part in bringing HIS Kingdom of HEAVEN here to Earth.  I am learning that this is only possible when I choose to allow HIM to be the source for ALL of my decisions.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasingand perfect will." Romans 12:2

HE is telling me that my anger was NOT inherited, rather the way that I express my anger was inherited, as it was taught to me.  I learned a long time ago, that children are what they know.  Even in knowing that I was caught off guard when HE revealed to me this morning that I am NOT an angry person because of my heritage, rather I am angry because the source of which has up until now influenced ALL of my heart, soul, and mind has wreaked havoc over every single part of my being.  

HE is wanting me to know that without even realizing it, I have helped the source from my past plan, and plot against me.  Without knowing it, I have helped plot and plan my own demise.  This morning that this is the very reason why I struggle with over eating, and over spending.  

HE is wanting me to know that in "trying" to dull, and numb the pain that has been caused by the source of my past, I am sabotaging what HE is transforming, and renewing for HIS good.  HE is telling me that it is time that I change the source of how I will deal with my anger, and allow HIM to transform my heart, soul, and mind, and allow only HIM to be the source that influences ALL of my thoughts.  

HE is wanting me to know that this is the very reason why HIS Daily Teachings was gifted to me last year as the start of my year of breakthroughs with HIM.  HE is telling me that I had to learn the basics of my thoughts, and how they controlled me, in order to prepare me for this moment when HE was finally ready, and I was prepared to receive HIS truth about the source of all of my anger.

Through HIS loving guidance and truth today HE is showing me that I hold a lot of bitterness in my heart towards my own children.  HE is telling me that even though the source of my childhood left me abandoned, and abused, who neglected me, and made me want and choose to hate myself, doesn't mean that I "need" to pass on that same legacy to my children.  HE is wanting me to know that even though I didn't have the same opportunities as my children do doesn't mean that I get to be the source of discouragement for them.

HE is teaching me, and today's teaching is rough, as HE is revealing to me that in NOT realizing it I am passing on the source of which Satan is still "trying" to wipe me off the face of this earth with onto my own children.  HE is telling me that it is time that I realize that I must stop projecting all of my open, and bleeding wounds of my past to my children.  I must stop punishing them because of something that they had no part of in hurting me. 

HE is wanting me to know that even though I have spent a lot of my life "feeling" rejected, and angry, I NO longer have to "feel" that way as the source of which has been wreaking havoc in my life has been revealed today through HIS love for me.  In receiving HIS truth, I am realizing the lies that have kept me lock up in my own prison for so long, and I am thankful that because of HIS truth, I am once again being set free to live with HIS true freedom.

" Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

In choosing for HIM to be the source that is teaching me, I know that HE is transforming and renewing my heart, soul, and mind each time I seek HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through HIS Daily Teachings.  It is through HIS Daily Teachings that I am seeking HIM, and allowing HIM to work in me, and through me.

It has been through HIS Daily Teachings that I have learned the true value of forgiveness, as HE has taught me how to truly forgive.  In choosing to live with HIS forgiveness I have been able to let go of so many of my past hurts, and in choosing HIM as the only source for my life, I know that I have been set free from the bondage of all of the lies that have been repeatedly told to me throughout my life.

HE is wanting me to know that it is because HE loves me that HE died for me.  That HE paid ultimate price for me, so that I would be able to spend eternity in HEAVEN with HIM and HIS FATHER.  It is because HE loves me that I know that HE is my only source for healing, comfort, love, joy, grace, peace, forgiveness, and mercy.  HE is wanting me to know that all of those were given to me the moment that I decided to follow HIM, to allow HIM to be LORD of my life, and without realizing it until now to be the source that of which influences, all of my thoughts and actions.

This morning I am learning that almost 36 years of learned behavior is NOT an easy challenge or task, however it is possible in choosing HIM, and making HIM the only source of which how I will choose to live this life that I have been given.  I am learning that this means my, "I want it now, don't care how" attitude needs to go.  It is as if thought HE is saying to me, "It's time to lose the tude Heather."  

"Why do we hurt ourselves long after the offender has left?" Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"

HE is telling me that it is through my over eating, and over spending, that I have allowed the source of my anger to linger, and in turn it has infected most, if not all of my relationships.  HE is wanting me to know that by choosing HIM as the source for my life, HE can, will, and does heal the broken and wounded areas of my heart that of which the source of my past is still "trying" to take up residence inside of me.

"The messages from our younger years remind us of our sinful indulgences, and we come away thrusting the sword deeper and deeper into our bleeding hearts."  Annie Chapman

When I read those words this morning, I felt a pang of sadness come over me, as I realized that this is true for my life.  However, thankfully through HIS Daily Teachings today I have learned that through the Power and Authority of HIS HOLY and MIGHTY name I can, and will rebuke ALL of the lies that have kept me in my own prison.  Today it is through HIS love, as HIS truth is being revealed to me, that I am able to declare that HE is GOD, HE IS GOOD, ALL of the time.  I am able to shout it, scream, and tell it to the masses that of which Satan and his minions "tried" to destroy me with, HE is using for HIS good.  

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

" Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep,equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21

Once again, I am truly living out HIS promise to me, that is my hott mess, which is turning into HIS Beautiful Message, and it is through that message that other people are able to receive HIS hope.  I know that the life that I am now living is only because I choose HIM daily to be the source of which I base ALL of my decisions on.  It is because I know that HE is the source of my thoughts, and actions, I know that I am seeking HIM, and allowing HIS will to be the only way that I will choose to live.

Dear friends, I pray today that you will seek HIM and allow HIM to reveal to you who the source that influences all of your thoughts and actions is.  I pray that you will seek  HIM and allow HIM to transform and renew your mind according to HIS will.  I pray that you will seek HIM, and HE will reveal HIS truth to you, about your past, and that you will allow HIM to heal the open, and bleeding wounds of your heart.  I pray today for complete peace and healing to be poured into you when you choose HIM to be the source for the way you will choose to live your life.

With much compassion, love, blessings, and prayers,

Heather