filter of love

Hi allow me to introduce myself as I haven't before.  My name is Heather, and I suffer from severe cases of diarrhea of the mouth.  This means that I have a horrible tendency to speak before I even have a complete thought.  I speak hurtful, harmful, degrading, anger filled, life stealing awful words.  This is when I become someone that D has penned "Brunhilda"

"Brunhilda," is my anger, she is the me, who shoots off her mouth, and doesn't care about how anyone else will feel, as long as she gets her point across, and takes back the control that she is needing.  Just typing this out, and admitting to this, is so embarrassing for me, as this is NOT who I want to be.  Thankfully my HEAVENLY FATHER WHO knows and loves me best, is taking through this season of learning to control my anger so that it doesn't control me.

HIS Daily Teachings today is taking me back to see how I really behave, and how I really react to situations where my anger and rage have gotten out of control.  HE is wanting me to know that it is time that I realize that HE will test my mind and heart to ensure that I am welcoming HIS correction when it comes to speaking with HIS filter of love, instead of the brutal honesty I was raised with.

"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end" Proverbs 29:11

"Our demeanor can be a temperament influenced by anger."  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger" 

HE is showing me that when I lose my temper when in fact I am fully aware that I need to be holding my temper, too often in my foolish pride, I decide(as if my decisions are the only way) that it's more important that my "feelings" are known then it is for HIS grace to be extended.  YIKES!!!!  This is hard for me, as I realize that I am more "feelings" lead then I am allowing myself to be lead by HIS HOLY SPIRIT. All too often when the anger and rage are built up inside of me, no matter how loud the voice is telling me to STOP, I...... just.go.there.......

HE is wanting me to know today that brutal honesty is NOT from HIM, but rather gentle, loving honesty that is spoken through HIS filter of love is.  HE is telling me that in my quest to be brutally honest I have become an unkind, and hurtful person to those of whom I encounter.  Sadly it is those who I encounter that they fall victim to my brutal honesty.

I was raised by people who they too felt the incessant need to be brutally honest, in doing so, I myself have struggled with self-esteem issues for as long as I can remember.  In seeking to be more like HIM, I am learning that it's NOT only thinking like HIM, but also speaking like HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that I must NEVER "think" that my brutal honesty is being righteous, as it is really just me tearing into someone with my words and doing more harm than good.   

HE is teaching me that I must choose to speak words of encouragement and build people up.  HE is letting me know that this has been HIS plan for my life all along.  HE is wanting me to know that this is the very reason why I am being tested so often with encountering difficult people.  In knowing this I can admit that I find most everyone that I encounter, including my family are in my eyes difficult.  Thankfully I am seeking HIS vision and am learning to see them through HIS eyes.

"The tactic of seeming to be virtuous while not acting in a godly manner is not that uncommon."  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"

Oh how I am so guilty of living this way.  HE is showing me that in "thinking" that I am being brutally honest to "help" someone, all I am really doing is keeping me from being the BEST me I can be.  I am learning that in choosing to speak in brutal honesty, I am failing to see them through HIS eyes.  This is why I know that I must choose to put on, and speak through HIS filter of love.

HE is teaching me that when I am in doubt of what I should say, the best thing I can do for someone is extend HIS grace to them, as that is the same grace that HE extends to me daily.  HE is wanting me to remember how many times I have failed, and HE has loved me through all of it.   HE is telling me that just as I have been forgiven, even for the greatest offenses in my life, other people are worthy of that same forgiveness from me.  That the grace, love, mercy, and hope that I am blessed with every single day must be passed on to the broken, lost, and other hurting people that are in need of HIS love.  HE is letting me know that I will be passing on HIS message of HOPE when I choose to speak through HIS filter of love.

"Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice" 1 Samuel 15:22

HE is teaching me that in seeking HIM and HIS Daily Teachings for my life, and making time for HIM in my life doesn't mean anything unless I am willing to live out HIS Daily Teachings for my life.  HE is wanting me to know that it doesn't matter how much I learn and know, rather it's about how I choose to live out HIS teachings for my life.  I now know and understand why it is so important that I choose to speak through HIS filter of love.

"Whether it is hiding behind disobedience and justifying it as a spiritual act or using the excuse of "honesty" to justify unkind words and attitudes of anger, too often we do the same."  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"

Each time I type out the authors name, and the title of the book, it takes me back to that day in Good Will when I first laid eyes on the book.  I remember feeling like defeated, ashamed, and embarrassed to even be purchasing the book.  However, the next morning when I began to read it, I felt HIS presence and it was then that I knew that once again HE was doing this for me, and NOT to me.

HE is reminding me of that day as HIS proof of how much HE loves me, and because I am seeking HIM Daily and being filled with HIS love, I know this is why HE is teaching me the importance of choosing to speak through HIS filter of love.  HE is telling me that this is why just because I am thinking it, doesn't mean I "need" to say it.  

This morning HE is reminding me once again the importance of learning to control my thoughts so that I will then be able to control my mouth.  HE is reminding me once again through a teaching that HE has been teaching me for quite some time.  

T.H.I.N.K. has been apart of my life for going on six years now.  Today however, is the first day where I am understanding WHY I must choose to T.H.I.N.K.  before I speak.  Once again HE is literally spelling it out for me what it means.

T ~ Is is true?  Am I speaking HIS truth, NOT my version of truth.

H ~ Is is helpful?  Am I really speaking to help someone, or is it my "need" to be heard?

I ~ Is it inspiring?  I will be honest that I never really understood the meaning of that until today, as I know that I am to speaking words of life, and not of death.  To be encouraging, and building people up and NOT tearing them down.  That I must look back into my past and remember how that feels so that I will NOT pass on those same self-esteem struggles to the people that I encounter.  So that in choosing to speak through HIS filter of love I, Heather will shut down the anger and rage that has wreaked havoc through my family for many generations.

N ~ Is it necessary?  Or is it just me "needing" to be right?  YIKES!  eh, guilty!

K ~ Is it kind?  Am I really being kind?  Am I really speaking words that are loving, and encouraging, or am I being "helpful," and really do more harm than good?

Yesterday was a perfect example where I should have chosen to T.H.I.N.K. before I spoke.  In not choosing to do so, I tore into, torn down, and ripped apart someone without even realizing the damage that I was doing.   Thankfully HE captured my attention, and let me know that just as I received HIS loving, unending grace, and unfailing love, I too must be willing to extend that same blessing to others.  It was then that I apologized for my horrible behavior, and asked for their forgiveness.  I know understand that in choosing to do things HIS way I am choosing to speak through HIS filter of love.

HE is wanting me to remember that when I chose to become a CHRIST FOLLOWER I agreed that I would put on a new nature, and in doing so that means I would do things HIS way.  HE is telling me that the only way I should choose to speak is through HIS filter of love.

HE is reminding me that the "old" me spoke out right, and directly to people, not caring how they would feel. HE is letting me know that back then it was more important that I be brutally honest, after all, they should be thanking me for being so "helpful."  Oh my goodness, it's gettin real up in here!

In choosing to be CHRIST FOLLOWER and choosing to be strengthened in my FAITH every single day, I know that I am to be living with my new nature, which is HIS nature.  I know that when I choose to put on on HIS nature, this means that I must let go of doing and saying things my way, and choosing to think as HE thinks, and to speak through HIS filter of love.

HE is showing me that in choosing to speak with brutal honesty, I have provoked others to anger. HE is telling me that NOT only do I struggle with anger, but without even realizing it, I project that anger onto others.  HE is wanting me to understand that in choosing to speak in anger and NOT love, I spread a deadly contagious anger, one that is designed to wipe everyone out.

I am learning that I must choose to speak through HIS filter of love, so that I will be doing my part in stopping the spread of the anger and rage that has been wreaking havoc in my family for generations.  Once again HE is reminding me that it all starts with me, and that in choosing to live with Contagious FAITH, I will be modeling HIS love for others, and they too will want to seek HIM, and HIS will for their lives, and they too will be able to speak through HIS filter of love.

"Since when is doing what comes naturally a good thing?"  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"  

Impulsive speaking is something that I have struggled with for so much of my life.  HE is wanting me to know that in choosing HIS will for my life means that I must choose to speak through HIS filter of love, and NOT speak through my "feelings."  

"For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." Romans 7:18

Today's reading explained this perfectly to me, "It is a good thing to fight our natural impulses to do and say the first thing that comes to our mind."  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"

"Our lives are like gardens.  If we want to have a peaceful productive life, free from the life-stealing weeds of anger, we have to constantly be in the fight against our natural tendencies."  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"

HE is wanting me to know that this is especially true to my marriage to D.  I must choose to resist my natural impulses to be brutally honest and instead put on HIS nature, and speak through HIS filter of love, so that life will be poured into our marriage.  HE is wanting me to know that in choosing to speak this way, doesn't mean that I will be suppressing my anger, but rather I in choosing to speak through HIS filter of love, proves that I am becoming more spiritually mature.  As it is written that it is one of the fruit's of the spirit. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23 

HE is teaching me that instead of allowing my natural tendency for an outburst of angst to flow freely, I do both D and I a favor and bite my tongue by either remaining silent or choosing to speak through HIS filter of love.

Through HIS loving teachings today HE is reminding me once again what HE says about giving into my anger.  

"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end." Proverbs 29:11

"If our feelings can't be delivered with the right spirit and motive, then we should be quiet and wait until we are able to be "gently honest."  Annie Chapman "A Woman's Answer to Anger"

I am so thankful to be learning that I must learn to make honesty my friend and NOT my foe.  I am so thankful that HE loves me enough to continue to teach me what I am doing wrong, and building me strong through many tests and trials to withstand the things that bring anger to me, and helping me put into practice self-control.  I am so incredibly thankful for HIS gift of speak through HIS filter of love, so that through me generations of life ending unwholesome speech is ending.

Dear friends I pray that in a world where all we hear is to speak your mind, and who cares who you hurt in the process is being shoved down our throats, I pray that you will know that it is NOT what GOD's best is for your life.  I pray that you will seek HIM, and ask HIM to soften your heart, and to help you see people through HIS vision, so that you too will be able to speak through HIS filter of love.  I pray today that the anger that festers inside of you will be calmed, when you practice being calm by choosing self-control.  I pray for HIS blessings and favor to be poured over your life because of your obedience.

love and blessings,
Heather