in the midst

"because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake.  You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit."

1 Thessalonians 1:5-6

The WORD does something to you deep down inside, stirring up the SPIRIT within you, linking it to the power of GOD'S SPIRIT.  It touches your heart, changes your mind, inspires your soul.  Within GOD's WORD you find GOD. You get to know HIM.  You begin to understand things in a way you never could before." 

Daily Wisdom for Women Devotional

Through HIS word I have found HOPE in the midst of despair.  It's where I have found joy in the midst of sorrow.  It's where I've found a supernatural peace that I couldn't explain or even know to pray or ask for in the midst of the most excruciating pain of agony, sadness, and overwhelming grief. It has been through HIS word where I have discovered that HE is indeed the Son of Suffering.  That NOTHING I was suffering through was unbeknownst to HIM.

Finding HIM in HIS word has been life giving to me.  Finding my life in between the scriptures has filled me with HIS TRUE PURPOSE for my life.  It's where I've received an exchange for all that burdens me, where I've learned to release that of which hurts me, to take on HIS yoke, which is so much lighter than that of which I struggle to maintain within my life.

Letting go of the burden to manage my grief, my suffering, and releasing the years of tears swallowed in my attempt to maintain an okay status as to not offend or cause anyone around me to be uncomfortable in my grief.  Letting go of wanting to save face, rather letting out all that has crushed me in the unrealistic expectations placed upon me, or that I agreed to take on so that I wouldn't be too much for anyone to be around.

For the longest time I believed that I couldn't possibly be used as HIS living vessel as I was so horrendously broken.  My heart had been shattered, and no matter what good was happening in my life, the truth was that my son had died, I was suffering the deepest loss I've ever known.  I was irrevocably changed, and no one truly understood what that meant to me and for me.  I struggled to pray, to hold it all together and maintain the image of, "I'm fine, Seth died, but I'm alive and I'm okay."  When really that was the furthest from the truth I coiuld have been.

Quite honestly, I'm saddened that it's taken me so long to uncover HIS TRUTH about where HE is in the midst of my suffering.  I annoy myself in the "trying" that I have put myself through, as to feel bad for needing even more grace.  When truthfully my problem wasn't that I couldn't or wasn't suffering, it's I was trying to suffer on my own.  Because that's what the world teaches us from an early age.  We learn at an age that we couldn't possibly advocate for ourselves, so instead we try our best as tender age children to reconcile to why things are not going well.  And when we've exhausted every effort to understand, and can't seem to place blame on anyone else, we end up placing the blame on ourselves. 

For the longest time I felt as though it was my job to just survive my life until I died.  This was a lie that I believed, began to live, and eventually spoke out loud.  It was the lie cultivated by the enemy that kept me trapped, not realizing that JESUS was there in the midst of suffering with me.  HE was working ALL things out for my good.  Yet, I had no clue what HE was doing behind the scenes.  

Today I am reminded of where HE was and has always remained in the midst of my suffering through yet another song, and for that I am grateful. As I am able to hold my hands up to PRAISE HIM, to give HIM ALL THE GLORY, HONOR, and PRAISE, as if it weren't for HIM, I would have surely died from a brokenheart.

"When I should have lost my mind.... YOU showed up right on time... and carried me through the valley.... all the way on the other side.... and when pain tried to take my joy... is when I felt YOU more.... and now I've got to testify.... GOD, YOU kept my heart alive... I didn't know that I'd survive... I gave up so many times.... but YOU kept my heart alive... when LOVE once came to die.... YOU NEVER left my side.... and YOU kept my heart alive" For My Good by: Maverick City ~ Chandler Moore

Truly I am a living testament to this new song that HE has placed in my heart.  HE has awakened a new level of faith, of understanding in the midst of suffering.  Through the power of HIS HOLY SPIRIT through HIS WORD, I have been awakened to HIS great purpose for my life.  Where HE has shown me, proven to me that HE won't waste a single one of my tears.  That HE is with me, even if.... even when.... even though.... in the middle of the storm.... even in the midst of suffering. 

HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today is HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that HE TRULY is in the details of every single moment of my life., Even in the midst of suffering.  HE is with me ALWAYS, ready and waiting to teach, lead, and guide me to know, to understand, to TRUST that HE is indeed working ALL things out for my good.  

This has been the hardest thing to accept, as I couldn't fathom how the plan of Seth's homecoming would ever be seen as a good thing.  Well, my tears say otherwise, however the deep well of empathy that HE has created in me, well I know that was only made possible in the midst of immense suffering.  For I know full well that I wouldn't have been able to dig deep enough into my faith, to have HIM create in me a heart like HIS, one that is willing to mourn with those who mourn.  To BE someone who doesn't run away, or turn away the hurting, the brokenhearted, and the downcast soul.  To BE HIS LIVING VESSEL to hold space for the brokenhearted has been an honor and blessing.  A calling that I hold very graciously, and humbly.  

Precious Dear Ones,

It is my fervent prayer that you will know that in the midst of whatever it is that you are going through, whatever you are enduring in this very moment of your life, that you will know you aren't alone.  I pray that you will feel the comfort of HIS peaceful presence.  I pray you will know that NOTHING you are facing is unbeknownst to HIM.  I pray that you will accept HIS invitation to BE with you in the midst of your suffering.  I pray that you will know that suffering looks different for everyone and should never be compared. (This I am learning, as my eyes are being opened to SEE that suffering is different for everyone) I pray that you too will come to know HIM as your LORD and SAVIOR, so that you will TRUST and know that HE is indeed working ALL things out for your good.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love, compassion, and deep empathy,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather