I called, HE answered.... and it was NO......

This Monday it will be six months since I cried, begged, and pleaded for my son's precious little life to be saved.  Somewhere close to 6pm the interrogation was coming to an end, and D and I were told that we could leave to get to our precious son Seth's side.  Before we left, I raced around our home, and found each of of my precious four children, shaking, crying, with horrific uncertainty written all over each of their precious faces.  

I remember hugging each of them close, and kissing them, and telling them I loved them. They didn't say anything, they didn't have too...... their tears spoke for them.  Tears that told the story of sheer horror of the events that started only two hours before.  Tears that were shed when each of their precious hearts broke seeing their little brother whisked away by paramedics.  Tears where their hearts fell as they watched their Mama collapse from pure shock in the driveway, in the rain, face down....... crying in agony. 

I will never forget climbing into my truck and looking at our home one last time, thinking that everything had changed, and deep inside knowing that NOTHING would ever be the same.  D climbed in next to me, and slowly backed out of the driveway, careful not to hit any of the many police cars parked in front of our home.  Driving away, looking at the shocked look on each of my neighbors faces, as a small crowd was gathering, wondering what was going on.

Traffic was heavy that day, as we raced through stop lights to get to our precious little Seth.  D grabbed my hand, and screamed, "PRAY!!!!!!" Clenching our fists tightly within each other, I began to PRAY in a way I have never prayed before.  "LORD I ask you right now LORD to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE save our son.  LORD use us as YOUR living testament to WHO YOU are, showing all the haters and NON believers that YOU are amazing!  LORD breathe life into his little body LORD, PLEAAAAAAASSSSEEEEE I beg of YOU LORD PLEAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEE!!!!  LORD YOU are the GOD of ALL MIRACLES, this is it, this is YOUR chance to use me, use my life to PROVE that!!!!!"  

With each stop light, I remember looking at the other drivers, and wondering if they could see the look of sheer panic and horror that was written all over our faces.  Finally we reached the hospitals parking garage, and climbed out of the truck.  My knees buckled, and I began to fall.  D was right by my side to save me from falling.  He held his arm tightly around me, as we made our way through the emergency room entrance.  

We were met by a police officer, and hospital worker that escorted us to a room.  As soon as the door opened I saw the couch, and two chairs, and I knew..... but yet I still held out HOPE that the GOD of ALL miracles was going to answer my cry for HELP, and HE would show everyone, and we would celebrate because HE would answer YES.  I clung to that HOPE as the door opened and the room began to fill with doctors, and chaplains......

D and I sat beside each other, hands clenched together, praying still for the miracle of YES..... The doctor spoke, I don't really remember what he said first, but at some point I looked into his eyes, and tears were welling, as he spoke the most horrific words I have ever heard.  "I'm so sorry we did everything we could possibly do, we are so sorry we couldn't save your son."   Stunned....... shocked....... I cried out, NO this can't be, I PRAYED HE IS THE GOD OF ALL MIRACLES!!! After all I called....... HE answered..... and it was heartbreakingly earth shattering...... NO.

For the past almost six months now, I've had my FAITH completely tested in every way possible, and I've cried the most I've ever cried in my life.  I've begged and pleaded for HIM to change HIS mind, and to bring back my sweet little baby love.  I have been through months of shock despair, anger, frustration, HATING HIS plan...... NEVER in my life had I HATED anything more than HIS plan, this plan where our lives we continue without our precious little Seth.  NEVER had I been more angry at HIM, that when I cried out to HIM, when I called.... HE answered....  and it was NO.....

February........ was my breaking point..... the point where I had to ask the question, and wait for HIS answer...... the question of I called..... HE answered......  and it was NO..... is HE still good?  I reached my breaking point somewhere around the middle of February in a conversation with my sixteen year old daughter.  I remember sitting on the couch, drenched in tears, feeling as if though I would break in half.  The fog had been lifted, but the sorrow was deep,and the anguish was felt, I was in agony...... I remember looking at her and saying, not even in death...... can I escape this pain...... not even in death, as if I were to give up, Satan would win, and I'll be damned if he wins anything in my life EVER again.  I knew I was in a deep pit of despair and depression, and could feel myself physically trying to claw my way out of the pit.  Once again I called, HE answered...... and it was YES.

Before I knew it, HE had me surrounded with so much love and support, speaking HIS truth to me, speaking life into me.  Encouraging me, helping me, loving me, reminding me of ALL that I have been through, and how TRUSTWORTHY HE is.  All the while I was so incredibly heartbroken..... still reeling from HIS answer of NO.  

March began, and I was determined to NOT be a victim, but a FIGHTER, and NOT only that but a CONQUEROR.  I knew HE was with me, I knew that HE was helping me, yet I still couldn't get past HIS answer of NO.  On Tuesday March 3rd I sat with my pastor and told him about the fear I had and how I couldn't possibly understand how HIS answer could be NO.  The fear of losing again was plaguing my mind, and that is when my pastor said to me "the bible says Perfect Love casts out fear, but if we're not careful fear can cast out Perfect Love if we allow that fear to become our reality."  On Saturday March 7th, I had a HUGE heart to heart with D, and HE spoke some really hard TRUTH to me.  However, his words were led by HIS HOLY SPIRIT, and spoke straight to my heart.  HIS words resonated deep within me and prepared me for the next morning where I would wake up feeling lighter.

On the morning of March 8th I remember waking up feeling different...... not better, but definitely different.  Making my way down into my office, pulling out my journal and writing about it, I pulled open my Power Thoughts devotional..... reading "Perfect Love Casts out Fear"  I smiled closed it shut, and HE spoke straight to my heart...... 

On the afternoon of October 13, 2014 I heard your cries for help..... I heard them all, and I was there, I was holding you, as I knew how badly your heart was going to shatter when you would receive MY answer and it was NO.  Please know how much it broke MY heart, and still hurts me now to know how much you hurt.  Please know I am still with you, always, holding you, helping you, and will continue to shower you with MY love.  Thank You for trusting MY plan, even when you didn't agree with it.  I promise HOLD ON, HOLD FAST, just wait, wait to SEE ALL that I am doing.

Since that day HE has been teaching me daily how it is that I can TRUST HIS plan, even when I don't understand it.  I BELIEVE with all my heart and soul that this is HIS story that HE wanted me to share, which is my story, of how even when I cried out desperately for HIM, HE answered...... and it was NO.  This is my story of even though HIS answer was NO HE is still so incredibly good.  Even on the days where I was drenched in tears, and couldn't even hold my head up, HE was breathing life into me.  HE was pouring HIS strength into me to be able to take each of those breaths.  HE was there through it all, helping me when each of my children fell apart in their own little worlds that had been shattered.  HE gave me HIS words of wisdom to help each of them, to speak against the many lies that the enemy was trying to feed them with.  HE prepared me to STAND FIRM in the midst of the storm, to lean in to press deep into my FAITH, to HOLD TIGHT, HOLD FAST as I knew..... I TRUSTED.......  that HIS help was on the way.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

HE began to reveal HIS plans to our family late in March, and as I type this morning I am overwhelmed by HIS goodness.  There are so many blessings that we are excited to share with everyone, but are waiting for HIS timing to reveal.  I sit here in my office this early morning while my family is sleeping upstairs, and its just my ABBA and me, talking, while I rest safely in HIS arms, as HE leads me to share my story, all the while pouring HIS endless peace, and strength into me to share my testimony of FAITH, that is the ANCHOR, HIS way of ANCHORING me to HIM, so that I wouldn't wash out into the sea of despair.  

" We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19

I write today letting you know that I'm no longer in the ocean, drowning.... today I am on the shore on the other side of tragedy, being able to share HIS goodness, HIS FAITHFULNESS that HE is SOVEREIGN, that HE is TRUSTWORTHY, and that HE is good, even when I called, HE answered...... and it was NO......

"Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations.The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises  and faithful in all he does." Psalm 145:13

I never once allow myself to say that I am better, as that word doesn't exist in my life anymore.  It's not as if though I'm just miraculously cured of the pain of losing my son.  I will NEVER be over losing my son, I will ALWAYS hurt from the physical pain of my precious son not being here.  I will ALWAYS miss my sweet little Seth.  

However what I am is different.  I say this because HE has taken me through the FIRE, to refine, renew, refresh, restore, and transform my FAITH in HIM and for HIM.  HE has lovingly come along side of me when all I could do was scream at HIM how much I hated HIM for what HE did to me, to my husband, and to our precious four children.  HE stayed FAITHFULLY by my side, holding me letting me know HE is SOVEREIGN and if I would just promise to HOLD ON just a little longer I would SEE just how much HE loves me, and HE would begin to teach about yet another level of my FAITH, and that is, I called, HE answered....... and it was YES, exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond EVERYTHING I could possibly pray, think of, or ask for!!!! HE answered my prayers, with a resounding YES!!! 

"This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God." Zechariah 13:9

"So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Once again I am blown away by HIS goodness that HE hears every single one of my prayers, and when I PRAY FAITHFULLY..... CIRCLES around my greatest heart desires, and wants, HE hears...... and HE is delighted to answer YES..... but NOT in the way I am thinking, rather FAR GREATER than I could ever dream of.  My heart feels as if though it may burst from HIS amazing LOVE for me, and my family.  I smile because of a conversation I had with D and our oldest the other night.  A conversation that would be the starting point of today's blog.

" Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Her words were simple....... Mama we all know what happens when you pray..... HE answers.... and I know that what you are praying for now..... well HE's going to answer and I can't wait to SEE how awesome HIS answer is going to be.

This tells me, that I Heather, a sinner, once a part of the last, the least, and the lost, have been found!!! I have been restored, renewed, and refined to tell my story, HIS story of REDEMPTION, FAITHFULNESS to BE HIS living testament that even when HIS answer is NO, HE is still good.  My journey of BEING HIS living vessel to TRUST HIS plan, to live out HIS PURPOSE for my life, to NOT SHRINK BACK but rather press in, press through each and every single test, trial, and storm that comes my way....... knowing that I have NOTHING to fear, as HE is with me, HE's got my back, HE's got this, HE is SOVEREIGN!!!

"But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.” But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved." Hebrews 10:38-39

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray that you will know that NONE of this journey with HIM will be easy, but I promise you that it will be worth it.  I pray today that my sharing this portion of my journey with you, you will be able to SEE HIM working in your own life.  I pray that if you are in the middle of a horrific storm right now, that you will know that you are NEVER alone, HE is there.  HE cares deeply for you, and LOVES you far more than you could possibly imagine.  I pray that if you haven't already, that you will have the courage to let go, repent, and seek HIS forgiveness, and open your heart to HIM as your LORD and SAVIOR.  I pray today is the start of your transformation where the old has gone, and the new has come.  I pray today that you will choose to follow HIM, and you too will be a new creation in CHRIST JESUS.

Always with love and prayer, with much grace, compassion, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

the struggle is real......

It doesn't matter what I may be going through now in the present, or what I have gone through in my past.... the struggle is real.  I can look back on past tests, trials, and storms, vs. my current tests, trials, and storms, and even though I TRUST HIM, each time, a little more than the last time, I'm tested even further.  Thus bringing me to my knees, practically begging HIM to please release me, save me from the storm, to rescue me, to shelter me, and to restore me.  In each and every single storm I have ever been in I have reached my breaking point, where I feel as if though I may be cast down, because the struggle is real.

Currently what I am going through is yet another storm.  Another test to SEE how far I'm willing to LET GO, and LET HIM work in me and through me.  My heart has been shattered, blown up, and stepped on, in the most unimaginable way.  There are days where all I can do is cry..... silent tears.... tears of which I know HIS HOLY SPIRIT speaks for me.  Tears of fear, anxiety, and guilt.  It is in those moments where I am begging for all of the testing to STOP, to CEASE to exist, so I can get some relief.  However as I am growing in my FAITH in HIM, and am learning about HIS character more and more, I know that HIS intention is NOT to make things easy for me, but to allow them to become so uncomfortable for me, so unbearable for me, so that I will lean in, and press deep into HIM for HIS help, guidance, support, love, grace, and peace.  

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. " James 1:2-5

HIS Daily Teachings today is speaking directly to my heart about how HE knows the struggle is real..... and HE knows it, because HE planned it to be so, so that HE would draw me even closer to HIM.  So that I would experience HIS perfect love, so that I would NOT only know, but understand that HE is truly SOVEREIGN.  I wish I could say that this brings me tremendous comfort ALL of the time, however in all transparency I think its better to be honest about how the struggle is real. 

I came across a quote a few weeks ago, and it practically screamed my anguish out for me.  

"It's easy for you to say, "GOD needed another angel, since HE didn't ask you for yours."

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have heard that from loving, caring people WHO "think" that is something that will bring me comfort, in reminding me that Seth is with HIM.  To be honest, it is so overwhelmingly obvious as to where Seth is, since he most certainly isn't here.  To be honest, when people say these things to me I want to scream, and tell them to SHUT UP, and to just try and imagine ONE night without your child.... knowing in the morning when you wake up, you will NEVER SEE his or her face again.... Just try.... and then you will know the struggle is real.....

In my anger towards others, HE works even deeper on my heart about forgiveness.  HE reminds me that HE has forgiven me, so surely I can forgive them. HE speaks HIS truth to my heart, and softens it towards the person who has hurt me, all the while all I really want to do is throw myself down and throw a massive fit about how unfair, unbearable, and overwhelming life has become for me.

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

To be honest the struggle is real about so much more.  It goes way beyond people, but just life in general.  These days whenever I am having a bad day, those are the days where I find myself face first crying because LIFE is NOT what I expected it to ever be.  However on the good days, I am FULL of PRAISES for HIM, because even though I've been whining and crying about how different it all is, HE is pouring HIS perspective into me, to show me that while things aren't what I "thought" they would be, HE is STILL SOVEREIGN and if I am willing, HE will show me, and through each lesson of learning the depth of HIS SOVEREIGNTY I am blown away by HIS abundance in all of it.

"Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant." 2 Samuel 7:28

" Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20

There is so much going on in my life right now that I can't share about just yet, but what I will tell you is this.  I am truly living the life I have always dreamed of.  So much, that I "feel" completely guilty whenever I start to cry about how different things are now.  I "feel" as if though I am spitting in HIS face, with my ungratefulness.  I know this because I am a selfish person, when I am allowing myself, my thoughts, my words, and my actions to be led by the flesh.  

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

HE is telling me today that HE NEVER intended for me to struggle with that for long, but long enough for me to know and understand that this is WHY I need to seek HIM, in ALL things, so that HE can reveal HIS TRUE NATURE through teaching, leading, and guiding me with HIS HOLY SPIRIT.  HE is wanting me to know that the reason for HIS teachings, is to prove to me that I need HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that I can TRUST HIM, because HE has proven time and again to me that HE is indeed TRUSTWORTHY.

""Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant." 2 Samuel 7:28

( I realize that is the 2nd time I've written HIS word today, I think HE's trying to get my attention..... HE is sending me a message....... and its come in loud and clear!!!)

In learning about HIS TRUE NATURE, HE is revealing to me that HE knows, and HE SEES how the struggle is real for me, and when I give it all up to HIM, and wait on HIS perfect timing, I will SEE that HE will make it all for HIS good.  Even the worst possible thing of losing my son Seth, well HE is using for HIS good.  

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have been contacted thanking me for my transparency, as it is truly inspirational.  I can't begin to tell you how many times I have been thanked by people for modeling TRUST for HIM in a way that makes them look at themselves and ask whether or NOT they have that same level of TRUST, that same level of FAITH.  FAITH....that is another thing that I am constantly being thanked for modeling.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

To be honest, the struggle is real to be gracious, and thankful for their kind words, when really all I want to do is scream, as I would GIVE up ALL the compliments, to have even ONE minute with my precious son Seth.  Yet I know that will NEVER happen in this lifetime, so I smile, say thank you, even if I don't feel like it...... the struggle is real......

HE is wanting me to know that HE knows, how hard it is for me to be gracious, but ensures me that when I am, ALL of HEAVEN is smiling as I am living in HIS KINGDOM, and through each test, trial, and storm, HE will prove to me that ALL of this is done for me, and NOT to me......... just wrapping my mind around that very thought though is where the struggle is real.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

HE is wanting me to know that no matter how hard the struggle is or will become, HE is there in ALL of it, and when I seek HIM, HE will pour HIS strength into me so that the struggle will NOT overtake me, rather I will be overcome by HIS peace, HIS grace, and HIS strength, ALL because of HIS Perfect LOVE.  HE is wanting me to know that NEVER do I need to worry, as HE is indeed SOVEREIGN and with HIM, and through HIM, HE will create in me renewed SPIRIT that will SHINE HIS light even brighter than I have before.  HE is wanting me to know that in choosing to TRUST HIM, it IS HIS mission for me to NOT only know of HIM, but to really KNOW HIM, and understand how mighty, and powerful HE truly is.  

" God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love." 1 John 4:17-18 The Message Bible

HE is proving this to me daily, as I am facing each and every single one of my fears where the struggle is real exists.  I am learning that the very things that I view as struggles, are really just FAITH growing opportunities that HE has designed perfectly to allow me to experience HIS relentless LOVE for me. 

" Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:2-4 The Message Bible

With each day passing, my FAITH grows by leaps and bounds, and sometimes, stalls as I get caught up in Satan's trap of listening to the lies of the flesh.  HE is wanting me to know that THIS is the VERY reason WHY HE has been teaching me, and will continue to teach me the UTMOST importance of keeping my ears open to hearing only HIS whispers so that I NOT only will hear, but will heed HIS whispers so that when I find myself walking the path where once again the struggle is real becomes my reality, I will be able to SHUT OUT, SHUT DOWN, and SHUT UP the enemies lies, and LIVE, truly LIVE in HIS truth, with HIS LIGHT, through HIS word which will lead me safely through the treacherous fires that the enemy is "trying" to take me out with.

"Dear friend, listen well to my words; tune your ears to my voice. Keep my message in plain view at all times. Concentrate! Learn it by heart! Those who discover these words live, really live; body and soul, they’re bursting with health." Proverbs 4:20-22 The Message Bible

"My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words" Proverbs 4:20 NIV

Today though I know the struggle is real, I know that HE is far greater than any struggle I will EVER face!  Today I am choosing to follow JESUS once again, no matter how difficult things may be.  Today I am resting, and waiting for HIS perfect timing, soaking in HIS perfect PEACE.  Today I am LIVING, really LIVING my life for HIM, and seeking HIM and telling HIM, "LORD today, I'm all in, use me, use my life for YOUR GLORY, its all about YOU LORD, teach me, lead me, and guide me. Show me, reveal to me ALL that you are doing in my life, and the lives of WHOM I will encounter today.  LORD SHINE YOUR light in me and through me to LIGHT up this broken and fallen world, that is FULL of the last, the least, and the lost.  Today LORD, I will SHOUT IT, SCREAM IT, from the MOUNTAINS of WHO YOU are, to ALL the masses.  Today I will say, "no matter what I TRUST YOU LORD, as I know that you truly are SOVEREIGN."

" being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my prayer that this portion of my journey will resonate on some level with each and every single one of you.  It is my prayer that when you can SEE something HE is doing in your life that pertains to the struggle is real, that you won't SHRINK BACK, you will STAND FIRM, you will SEEK HIM,and wait on HIS perfect timing.  It is my prayer that all the while you are enduring the test, trial, or storm, you will experience HIS PERFECT LOVE, and you too will know that HE is indeed SOVEREIGN.

Always in love, and prayers, with much grace, compassion, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather 

lame and predictable.....

My best friend and I talk most mornings before the start to our day.  We've been having these types of conversations for almost six years now.  There is NO doubt in my mind that HE intended for us to meet in life, to be each other's best friend, NOT because of anything that we have done, rather because of WHAT HE is doing in each of us.  HE has designed each of us to speak HIS truth to each other in a way that NO one else could, well that we would want to remain friends with that is.  I am confident that HE created me to be her best friend, and for her to be my best friend, as HE knew that we would need each other, as HE created both of of specifically to be authentic.

" being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

It never fails that one of us will be going through a challenge.  Most of the time we aren't going through challenges at the same time, but this past year we both have faced many difficult challenges.  There have been times where all that is said is silent prayers, as the other person is sobbing on the other end of the line..  This past year many silent prayers have been said, and have been answered when each of us allow ourselves to be led by HIS HOLY SPIRIT.

" But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." Matthew 6:6

It also NEVER fails that during our conversations especially when HIS word is being spoken at the most needed time that we will lose our phone connection.  We also call each other back, laughing at the enemies foolish attempt to keep us from hearing what it is that HE is wanting each of us to know.  Over the years we have to come to realize the power that lies within when both of us are on the same page in seeking HIM, and asking to be led by HIS HOLY SPIRIT.  In all of my friendships with other people, besides D, she is the ONE person I can count on that will call me out on the lies that the enemy is trying to feed me, and she will tell you that in her life I am that same person for her.

"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20

It has been since my friendship with her that I really began to understand what having a soul sister really meant for me.  As we have grown in our walks with HIM, in facing life's toughest challenges, and for me the most heartbreaking challenge, HE is ensuring that we are both equipped to speak HIS words when we both need it.  It has been through these challenges that we both have grown closer in our friendship, and even more so in our sisterhood, as TRUE SOUL SISTERS.

" Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21

FED up with the enemies attacks, I began to pray specifically in how to spot or call out the enemy and his lies in my life.  It was during one of our many phone conversations that I heard HIM speak directly to my heart, 

My daughter do NOT fear, I am with you, I will help you, but you MUST realize that the lies of the enemy his nature is so lame and predictable.......

Lame and predictable is like our distress call to each other, to ask for prayer.  It is in that moment that we both know to bring ALL of it to HIM, to lay it at HIS feet, as HE is the only one WHO can helps us.  Yesterday a text message wouldn't do, so I called her, and my first words were...... lame and predictable.  In that instant she knew that I needed prayer.  She knew that I needed to be reminded HIS truth, and have it spoken bravely, boldly, and courageously to me, and that is exactly what she did.

" Joshua said to them, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the Lord will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.” Joshua 10:25

HE has been working on my heart for quite some time now in teaching me how to hold onto HIS perfect peace.  What this means is, HE knows how wrecked my world is right now, but HE promises to be with me always.  HE promises that HE will make everything turn out for HIS good, because I have been FAITHFUL to HIM, that even in anger I have NEVER turned my back on HIM, or spoken hatefully about HIM.  HE is wanting me to know that even if I did, HE can take it, HE is prepared to wait it out with me, to be given the chance to shower me with HIS LOVE, and drench me with HIS grace, and flood me with HIS peace so that I would know that no matter how angry I am, HE loves me, and NOTHING, NOT ONE THING could EVER take HIS love from me.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." Isaiah 26:3

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Yesterday started out as a good day, and quickly turned sour as I had to run an errand that involved me driving on the express way.  Now that may not seem like a big deal to someone else, but I can tell you that since losing Seth my mind hasn't worked the same.  I'm much slower to process things, and honestly driving has become a challenge for me, as my mind isn't as sharp as it was before.......... the most horrific, tragic day of my entire life happened.

HIS Daily Teachings today is speaking straight to my heart in letting me know that in all things I can be rest assured, through HIS Blessed Assurance that the way I will be able to call out the enemies lies in my life, and spot his evil schemes is by first understanding his nature as being lame and predictable.  HE is wanting me to know that I must be prepared at ALL times, and that I must be on guard to spot, and call out the  lame and predictable that is the enemy and his lies.  HE is wanting me to know that is all designed to trip me up, so that HIS perfect peace will be upset within me.  HE is letting me know that is the enemies attempt to keep from HIS word, which I know is powerful, and because I know how powerful HIS word is, I know that the enemy knows it too.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith,because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-9

This is why HE is working so hard on my heart, to build me strong, so that I will be able to call out, and spot the evil that is lurking.  HE is wanting me to know that while HE intended for my soul sister to be in my life, HE also intended for me to be just as strong within myself, to speak boldly, bravely, and courageously, because there are going to be times, where I won't be able to reach her for prayer.  HE is wanting me to know that with HIM all are possible, and that means that I can fight against the enemies attacks that are truly lame and predictable.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

During my drive yesterday there were many lame and predictable attempts to keep me under stress while driving, however because HE loves me so much HE didn't allow it.  HE made sure that NOT only would I have a peaceful driving experience, but HE would bless me along the way.  Though my trip was peaceful, NOTHING could have prepared me for what I would find waiting for me when I got home.

" Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

As soon as I opened the front door, all it took was to see the look on my daughters face to know that things didn't go so well the hour that Mama was gone.  The on her face said it all.... she was stressed, and the look on my other daughters face was guilty...... it was then that I fell for the enemies trap of lame and predictable.

" Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes." Ephesians 6:11

In failing to spot, and call out the enemies evil attack, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Thankfully because HE loves me far too much to allow me to remain in the darkness, HE began to SHINE HIS light on the entire situation, and it was determined what happened, and how each of the hearts involved were hurt, even though no harm was ever intended in the first place.

"Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going." John 12:35

HE is wanting me to know that the reason HE allows me to work through my parenting my children in the way that I do, is so that I too will learn something.  It has been through the many challenges of being Mama where HE has helped me uncover and expose the enemies lies which are NOTHING more than pathetically lame and predictable.  Even though at the time I don't SEE it, I can easily look back on the many challenges I have faced as Mama, and can SEE HIM doing a good work within me, to prepare me, to ensure that I will be more than a conqueror in the enemies attempts at upsetting HIS perfect peace within our home.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

I can tell you that HIS goodness, HIS mercy, HIS grace, HIS peace, and HIS love is overwhelming my family at this very moment.  Though we have suffered a massive loss, we have also experienced HIS true JOY in the many moments of rebuilding our lives within our new normal.  This JOY that we have experienced, and are currently living with is something that angers the enemy.  I am truly becoming each and every single day even more than I was yesterday HIS force to be feared!  HE is wanting me to know that the enemy knows how dangerous I am to his evil plans, and how I spoil them all of time.  HE is letting me know that I can know that I am truly in RIGHT STANDING with HIM, as otherwise why would the enemy be working so hard to take me out?!?!  

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

That very thought brings me tremendous comfort as I know it to be true, and what I once feared, I NO longer fear, as I have learned that even fear is so incredibly lame and predictable.  NOT only is fear, but also the unforgiveness that manifests in my life, of which "tries" to take up permanent residency within my heart.  I am learning that all of these lame and predictable attacks on me, only make me stronger, as I REFUSE to believe the lies of the enemy, but rather stand firm in my FAITH, that NO matter what happens in my life, HE is with me, HE is holding me, and HE will help me get through it. All through HIS power, HIS love, HIS grace, HIS peace, HIS mercy, I will OVERCOME.

"If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient.  Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.  I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything.  Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." 2 Corinthians 2:5-11

Today I am REFUSING to pick up any of the lame and predictable things that the enemy has placed in my life.  Today I will NOT fear anything, as I know HE is with me, and HE will come through for me NO matter what happens, HIS goodness, HIS love will prevail for me, with me, and within me.  This I know is TRUE, as I live with HIS goodness with every single breath that I take.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray today that you too will have the courage to seek HIM, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide you so that you will be able to spot, and call out the enemy and his lies that are truly lame and predictable. It is my prayer that my sharing this portion of my story will help you to identify where those lies are in your own life.  I pray today that you too will seek HIM and HE will reveal to you where your authentic friendships are.  NOT only that but that even if you don't have one, that you will have the courage to seek HIM, and ask HIM to create in you a desire to be an authentic friend.  I pray that today is the day where you STAND UP, and STAND FIRM against the lame and predictable in your life, and the lives of your loved ones.

Always in love and prayers, with much grace, compassion, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather