It's in the moments of hardship and trial where I get so battle-weary. This is so very true for this very moment of my life right now. A storm that has been brewing for over a decade has finally hit and the revelations that are coming out of it, have leveled me. But not in the way I had anticipated when the storm first came on my radar just a few short weeks ago. Honestly when I first got the discernment of a scheme perpetuated by the enemy, I seriously doubted how we could possibly survive another brutal attack.
Thankfully because of HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me and for me, HE allowed me a FULL day of tears, to cry out, to process with HIM, to verbalize my angst, anger, frustration, and devastation. Soon thereafter though HE began to fill me with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE by reminding me of the past 8 months of teaching, leading, and guiding me to know, to understand my NEED in having, and keeping a HOLY RESPONSE to the hardships in my life. This means even if we find ourselves shipwrecked again.
In other words, HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today is HIM reminding me of my resilient faith, the resoluteness of being able to TRUST HIM, and how HE has instilled in me a TRUE CONFIDENCE that HE truly is in every single detail. That even when things happen that I didn't foresee on the horizon until it was almost right in front of me, HE knew, and because I know HE is indeed good, I can choose to TRUST HIM, to allow HIM to humble me, to call me to a posture of humility, to seek HIM, and to wait for HIS voice to lead me.
This I know full well... so if I know full well, it's up to me to be resolved enough to live as though I truly TRUST JESUS. As in the song of "Let it be a Hallelujah" by Lauren Daigle "In every breaking moment, in every blessing that YOU give, let it be a Hallelujah, oh LORD let it be a Hallelujah. All my hopes and all my fears every trial every tear. In the chaos, YOU remain Faithful ALL the way. Through the victories, through the scars. Let me echo who YOU are. For the GLORY of YOUR NAME. With every breath that's in me, with every song and melody, let it be a Hallelujah"
This is so true for my life, that it's doesn't matter how destructive the storm, HE has always been there, supply ALL of my needs. Even when it was just for more breath to keep breathing through the heartbreak. I have learned in the hardest of ways full dependence and surrender to JESUS because my heart was shattered when my son died. My mind was blown by the tragedy and horror that I endured. I know full well that I wouldn't have survived what I did...... had it not been for JESUS.
HIS goodness that has come out of the ashes of my pain has been the gift of intercessory prayer for those who mourn. To pray for Yahweh to flood the atmosphere with HIS HOLY SPIRIT, to fall down fresh on us, to fill the space with HIS spirit, so that HIS goodness will be made known. I cry out on behalf of the brokenhearted, in recognizing the brokenhearted within my view. I am able to pray for healing and comfort because of HIS endless healing and comfort for me.
So, if I am able to pray, to seek, to ask HIM to shelter, to comfort, to heal, to hold, to help then I NEED to do so with absolute resoluteness that can only come from HIM. Currently I am mostly able to do this, except for in the moments where the grief waves crash over me during milestones that assault my heart in missing my son. It's when the memories of the deepest pain that I've ever known begin to ache and bleed. That even though the scars have been tended to, bound up, cared for, and healed at the level of healing I am currently experiencing, grief has a way of taking me back to the deep abyss of overwhelming sadness, and before I know it, I find myself back to those moments, and my tears pour from my eyes.
It's a tenderness that I have a deep love, hate relationship with. I love that I am able to have a tender heart for the brokenhearted, and for HIS eyes that HE has given me to SEE, to know how to pray for, and on their behalf. Love as it's HIS continual reminder of HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me, of which always brings me to tears. So, while I love my connection to the tenderness, I also hate the tenderness, the vulnerability, the ache, the pain, the missing still levels me at times. That even though I know even when my tears become my food once again, and I have a weepy day, I know HE'S with me, HE'S not disappointed in me. HE will help me always, and HE will continue to pour HIS favor over my life, and if I know this, then I know I am being given a choice TRUST HIM to carry me through what hurts the most.,
I am learning if is HIS loving reminder that I have been given the gift of free will. That I don't have to choose to let HIM teach, lead, and guide me, but I choose to, because HE is my refuge, HE is my healer, HE is my Helper, HE is my Champion, HE is my LORD, HE is my SAVIOR, HE is my living HOPE, the anchor for my soul, HE is my JESUS. So even when I can't hold my head up, and my tears pool as oceans at my feet, I know that not a single one of my tears will ever be wasted. That I am constantly reminded, solidifying HIS TRUSTWORTHINESS that HE is always making a way.
This I know is HIS purpose for my life, not to just merely survive, rather to edify HIS goodness, HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULLNESS, HIS TRUSTWORTHINESS that HE is Always for me, NEVER against me. I speak from TRUE CONFIDENCE within, as I've witnessed HIS FAITHFULNESS, I've tasted and SEEN HIS goodness here in the land of the living.
Precious Dear Ones,
Do you know HIM, have you met JESUS in your life? Have you SEEN HIM at work in your life? Have you been rescued? Have you been healed? Do you know that you are so deeply loved, SEEN, heard and known by HIM? Do you know HE has always loved you with an everlasting love. Do you know that HE considers you to be HIS masterpiece, HIS ONE OF A KIND, the apple of HIS eye? Do you know that HE is for you, and NEVER against you? Do you know JESUS like this? Do you know that of which you have endured, HE knows and HE has a plan to heal you, to help you, to set you FREE from the wounds of what you've endured. Do you know that HE wants to heal you everywhere you hurt? Do you know that HE hasn't forgotten you, and hasn't given up on you? Do you know that to HIM you are NOT a hopeless case, that HIS grace is for you, and is sufficient to carry you through whatever you're going through or have been through? Do you know that HE died for you, to pay the price for your sins so that you would be reunited with HIS FATHER, your HEAVENLY FATHER? Do you know JESUS? Have you ever had an encounter with HIM? Have you ever been touched by HIS amazing grace? Do you know JESUS is there to heal you to set you free from the lies of oppression that were breathed into your soul from the time you can even first remember. Do you know that same lie is the one the enemy schemes to cultivate in your life, in every single relationship you have, to be the broken record of your life? Do you know that what you're going through just merely surviving was NEVER the plan? Do you know that HE created you, HE knit you together in your mother's womb? Do you know that HE smiled as HE watched you grow, and HE couldn't wait for you to be born? Do you know that HE knew exactly the moment you would read this letter HE is having me write that is just for you? Do you know that HIS love is deeply personal and is just.for.you? Do you know JESUS, do you know that HE loves you without conditions? Do you know JESUS is with you in this moment as the tears stream down your face. HE is there, HE is waiting, will you trust HIM, will you open your heart to get to know HIM, as intimately as HE already knows you. Do you want to experience HIS love that say's that is MY SON- DAUGHTER with WHOM I am well pleased? Precious Dear Ones, these are HIS words for you, not mine. I only write ALL FOR HIS GLORY
You are so loved,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
No comments:
Post a Comment