being confident of this, that HE who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"
Philippians 1:6
Even when has been HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today through HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE of my life verse of Philippians 1:6 - HE began that work in me first in our HOLY QUIET PLACE and continued in our church's message for the week. So, the question, "Do you suffer well?" Our pastor began to detail James 1:2-4, and if you haven't read it before, well Dear One's if I may make a suggestion, seek HIS vision, and ask HIM to give your eyes to SEE to know, to understand what the apostle Paul was talking about when he wrote about how to suffer well. Seek HIS TRUTH and know that HE is in the details of your suffering, and may you then experience HIS peace that surpasses understanding as you begin the process of surrendering to suffering.
The question was asked, "Do you suffer well?" To be honest just the word suffer causes me to shudder, as my mind and heart, well my whole body remembers when I was forced into suffering. It can happen in a blink of an eye, and I'm right back to that moment when the switch flipped in my brain as I collapsed in the driveway from the shock and horror of the living nightmare that was unfolding as our whole world was being shattered. Suffering is something I had to learn to surrender to. Surrendering to the suffering would be the end of life as I knew it. Irrevocable changed forced its way through, and all I could do was hope and pray that I would survive it.
In the first few months of suffering the loss of Seth's life, I was obliterated by a Tsunami of pain. Slowly over time as the wounds began to heal from the inside out, the deep scars of loss were ripped open at each new milestone that we had to face in this life without our almost 2-year-old son. I often write about Seth's absence being so profound, and the silence of his voice no longer existing in this world as being so absurdly deafening. The pain was unreal, and it was all I could do to just cling to JESUS. Cling to HIS HOPE and PROMISES that somehow, someway I would survive the unimaginable deep loss of my son.
Surrendering to the suffering that had taken over my life was so hard. I would read GOD'S word and hate it, because I didn't understand what it meant for me. I was looking at it through my eyes, when really, I needed HIS EYES to SEE. All I knew then was I was NOT ready to say goodbye. I was angry that I was forced to. I hated when my grief was judged, as no one truly understood how much pain and agony I was in. As each day began, I hated that I was still breathing, and despite my praying, begging, and pleading, JESUS did in fact NOT come back, and HE did NOT rescue me from the living nightmare that I was my harsh reality. To put it bluntly I HATED HIS PLAN, as it was so unfair, and how, how JESUS could there ever be anything good ever again?
Missing, grieving, and suffering was more than too much. I wanted and desperately needed so badly to just be okay. I wanted to be woken up with a FRESH HEAVENLY perspective that told me I was going to be okay. Awakened to HIS GOODNESS here in the land of the living. Yet for years, I would awaken to the heaviness of loss, and I felt like a little more of me died with every moment that passed. Life was so hard, my tears were my food, and it never failed that no matter what was happening in my life, all the roads of struggle, tests, storms, and trials, all led me straight to suffering, grieving, and missing who I once was, and desperately missing my son.
At the end of our church service today an Altar call was made, "if you're not suffering well, and need to surrender to that, and you're ready for the LORD to help you with suffering, we would love to pray for you." It was in that moment I felt HIS HOLY SPIRIT speak to me, "you know what to pray for, you know what it's like." My hands extended out to the souls standing in front of me, for the brokenhearted weeping at the altar. My heart ached as each new person made their way to the altar. So much pain, sadness, sorrow, and suffering were felt. The struggles of even if... even when... even though.... hating the plan... and the pain and struggle of hearing a message about suffering as Paul writes in James 1:2-4
Learning to suffer well has been a long, painful process. It's required me to come to the end of myself, over and over again. It's been me surrendering, but then surrendering to the pain, and giving in, and just falling apart, coming undone, and praying I'd make it to the next day. For the longest time I believed the lie that I would surely suffer until I died. Thankfully JESUS got a hold of my heart and renewed my mind and led me to a total heart transformation, that taught me that pain is universal, suffering is inevitable, and healing and restoration... transformation is a choice. A choice that HE gives HIS kids when they're ready, and even when they're not HE remains STEADFASTLY FAITHFUL with them, holding them, helping them, breathing HIS PEACE into their lungs, supplying them with HIS GRACE that is sufficient no matter what they are feeling, thinking, even if.... even when. even though.
Even when for me looks quite a bit different these days, as HIS DAILY BREAD lately has been all about having a HOLY RESPONSE no matter the circumstances of my life. This I know I am only capable of because I have learned and continue to learn how to surrender to suffering with JESUS, not so that I may boast of my own righteousness, rather it's ALL FOR HIS GLORY. I've learned to embrace what is happening, and not just try to hide away, or pray away my suffering. I've learned to lean into HIS embrace and let HIM lead me. I've learned to cry deep into HIS chest, to give HIM ALL of my anger and angst for what I am enduring. I've learned that life doesn't give me a moment to breathe before the next storm hits. I've learned that I can't wait till the circumstances in my life to be quieted, rather I NEED to TRUST HIM, that HE is IN THE DETAILS of everything I am needing. I am continuing to experience HIS GOODNESS in the land of the living that HE doesn't and won't EVER waste an ounce of my pain. That surrendering to suffering with JESUS is ALL FOR HIS GLORY.
Truly my life is a living testament of HIS GOODNESS. How no matter what happens, even if the worst thing that could happen, happens. HE is still GOOD. HE is always GOOD, even when I can't see anything beyond the lens of pain that I am in. So Precious Dear Ones, HE is always there to help you, to hold you for as long as you need, to regain your footing. HE knows how much this is hurting you. HE knows how much you're missing your life from before. Before the loss, the diagnosis, the divorce, the betrayal, the abandonment, the accident, and the irrevocable change. HE knows how many tears you've cried. HE knows why you don't TRUST HIM, or anyone for that matter. HE knows why you can't forgive what's been said, what's been done because of the pain, struggle and immense suffering that you have had to endure. HE knows how tired you are from suffering, HE knows how long it's been and HE knows your so battle weary from just merely surviving. HE knows when you're barely hanging on, and if you let HIM, when you surrender to be loved, HE will pour out HIS love for you, on you, HE will give you eyes to SEE, HE will reveal HIS plan for you. HE will teach, lead, and guide you to a total heart transformation. So, the question today to think about... do you suffer well? Have you surrendered to suffering... will you TRUST HIM in your suffering?
ALL FOR HIS GLORY
With so much love, compassion, and understanding,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
🫶🙌🙏
ReplyDelete