Deep from within the heaven's, I hear HIM call unto the deepest part of me. My ears much like Samuel's ear are attuned to HIS VOICE. HE is the GOOD SHEPHERD, and I am HIS sheep. HE knows me by name. My name is etched into HIS hands. HE knows what I've endured, and how deep my battle scars go. HE has comforted me with HIS rod and staff, teaching, leading. and guiding me through the rugged terrain deep in the valley I have been in the valley of the shadow of death, and I have seen the darkness that seeks to destroy all that is good, all that is HOLY. I've witnessed HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me and for me. I have been rescued and restored. I have been led by HIS still waters, and HE has given me much needed rest. All from deep within the heavens, unto the deepest part of me.
Because of HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULLNESS to me and for me, I know that I have and am still being equipped to go wherever HE leads me, even if it means into the deep. This very thought would lead me to the moment where I found myself yesterday in a unbeknownst to me a Divine Encounter, orchestrated, and cultivated through a friendship, moments of sharing my own deep loss, and what living with deep pain has been like. Even more so, sharing my experience of navigating through church hurt, and how the LORD delivered me from the painful bondages and strongholds that took root in my life.
The Divine moment began like every other encounter of fellowship after the church service with my brothers and sisters in CHRIST JESUS. A familiar face came into my view, and I stepped closer. The hug I received was fierce, almost as if clinging to just keep hanging on. The weariness in their eyes, and the words that fell from their lips told me all I needed to know. They were tired, worn out, battle weary and so done with fighting. They were desperate for a reprieve and just needed to know what to do. They needed answers, not pacifying prayers. They needed to feel SEEN, heard, known, and deeply loved. They were desperate to hear to know that JESUS was still in it with them, that HE hadn't left then nor forsaken them. The struggle to not be bitter, and their words, "JESUS help me to be better not bitter." In short, they were suffering, they were in a season of LONG SUFFERING. They were tired, worn out, and angry, and wanting to just destroy the enemy once and for all.
I stood there taking in their words, and prayed silently, "JESUS help!" I didn't know whether to pray or just listen or speak truth. As I didn't want to harm even further an already so deeply wounded heart. I wanted to do what HE had called me to do, and I wanted to do it in HIS strength, and with HIS words, NOT my own. As their tone became more desperate in pleas for help, I began to remind them of HIS loving reminder that we wear HIS armor - Ephesians 6:10-20. That I myself remind myself of the power of HIS armor that has already been placed on me. Reminding myself of HIS power, the same RESSURECTION power that raised JESUS from the dead, that power, lives within, dwells within me. I reminded them that HE is with us always, and we need NOT rely on our own strength, rather cry out to HIM, TRUST HIM, surrender to the suffering, and HE will show us the way. Even if that means how to just breathe through the next moment.
At the end of our encounter, I received another fierce hug, and words of thankfulness and gratefulness for my taking time to listen and be with them. I walked away though with an unsettled feeling, that I missed something, and in that moment, I realized I never prayed for them. I went home, and replayed the encounter over and over, apologizing to the LORD for not praying for them, rather just speaking HIS TRUTH, did I even do the right thing? Did I do what HE has called me to do?
All night I tossed and turned, replaying that very encounter, over and over, if given another chance, LORD please HELP me to remember to PRAY above all else. Having barely slept, I finally gave up at 4:30a.m. and made my way to our HOLY QUIET PLACE. It was there I consumed my portion of HIS DAILY BREAD, "Dear Heart, sometimes I'M going to call you into the deep to help me readjust the armor for the soul on the battlefield. I have you on the front lines, not only as an intercessor for prayer, but also for an encourager, a leader, a warrior who takes the hits to get to the wounded, to help them gear up once again. To help renew their mind, to bring them back to perspective that ALL is NOT lost, that I AM making a new way. TRUST ME, sometimes you'll be called into the deep to replenish, however you MUST BE ALERT, as not every encounter will be the same so it is imperative that you remain ATTUNED to MY VOICE, seek ME earnestly, fervently, so that you will be able to discern when to speak and when to pray. Dear Heart, you weren't mistaken, you did as I asked of you.":
I understand this and know full well that HE would be teaching me this, as part of my restoration journey has been leading me back to church, not just because I needed people, rather I am needed, to SEE the soul who is battle-weary from deep pain and deep loss. In other words, to BE HIS LIVING VESSEL. This is HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that just as HE took the time to teach, lead, and guide me; to prepare me, so will HE ask of me to do what I have learned through HIS DAILY TEACHINGS. This I know and understand as the more I seek HIM, the more I find HIM, and in finding HIM, I am learning HIS VOICE, and I am being ATTUNED to HIS voice.
Today HE is letting me know that HE prepared me in advance for what I perceived as a "random encounter," rather HIS DIVINE appointment to lead me into the deep to help replenish one of HIS battle-weary soldiers. HE reminded me that HE never wants me to view prayer as a means to an end, rather a opening to a view of the heavenly realms where HE is, to the source of life, that provides all we need to live. This means for grace, comfort, peace, mercy, forgiveness, and strength ALL that only HE can provide. To mourn with those who mourn, I first needed to understand what deep loss and deep pain require, what suffering looks like, feels like, and how to not only just survive it, but to overcome the battle weariness, and despair that piles on in the pain. This I've learned in the hardest of ways, as I've had to learn how to surrender to the long suffering that I have endured since October 13, 2014. A date forever etched into my soul, that even if I never saw another calendar, my body knows. That nothing and NO ONE could provide the comfort, the healing like JESUS did, and continues to do. This I know full well, and I've learned the life-giving healing and restoration that comes from DIVINE ENCOUNTERS where a broken heart experiences in a tangible way what it means for your identity to be ROOTED in CHRIST JESUS. This means what it feels like to be SEEN, HEARD, KNOWN, and LOVED.
Overall, I've learned that through the deepest loss of my life, HE is, and will continue to create in me DEEP EMPATHY, to help reach the last, the least, the lost, and the forgotten. I have witnessed HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to leave the 99 to rescue the 1, as I've been the 1. I've been rescued, redeemed, renewed, restored, and I am continuing to be refined to be more CHRISTLIKE, to look, love, and live like JESUS, all because I've surrendered and answered HIM calling me into the deep.
Precious Dear Ones,
It is my fervent prayer that you begin to SEE yourself in my writings, as HE is the AUTHOR. That surely as HE has done for me, so will HE do for you, in a deeply personal way that is just.for.one.of.a.kind.HIS.masterpiece.you. Truly if you don't already know you are so deeply loved, SEEN, heard, and known by HIM. HE knows what makes you cry, what angers and frustrates you. HE understands and has a plan to help you through it, to help you overcome it, HE knows how hard it's been for you to be called into the deep. HE knows how cheated and defeated you feel, and how battle-weary you feel. HE knows how you've all but given up, deciding that it will never change, that you'll just suffer and survive until you die. HE knows, and HE wants you to TRUST HIM. HE has a plan to help you open up to HIM. HIS love for you is gentle, patient, and kind. HIS HOLY PROMISES are TRUE for you. HE is dong a new thing and HE is making a way where you see no way. HE knows your worries, doubts, and fears. HE knows how you cope and why. HE knows where your addiction began, and HE knows the path to your freedom and healing. HE wants to be your stronghold, so that you will be filled with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that greater is HE WHO is in you, than he who is of the world. May you open your heart to HIM today, may you let your tears fall, come undone, and surrender to HIS endless mercy, grace, and love.,
ALL FOR HIS GLORY
With so much love, compassion, and deep empathy,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
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