love life, live life

Sixty-five days ago I was in a really bad place internally.  Though I didn't always show it on the outside, I was a complete negative mess on the inside.  My marriage to D was NOT on solid ground, and my relationship's with my kids were not loving, and kind.  The truth is I had let my life circumstances creep back up on me, and allow me to be brought down, deep into the pit of despair I had lived in for half of my life.  GOD wanted me to know then, and now that through HIM I can love my life, and therefore I can live my life.  The life that HE has chosen for me.  A life free of pain, and full of comfort, a soft place to fall, and an abundance in love.  Through HIM I can be free, free to love my life, and live my life.

The first thing GOD had me do was rebuke everything Satan was telling me to do.  The truth is I had more room in my thoughts for his evil, then I did for GOD's goodness.  I had allowed myself once again to become Satan's puppet, and allowed him to take permanent residence inside of me and spread his poison all around me.  Very quickly he began wiping out the faith in half of our family myself included.  My wonderful family of seven began to turn on each other.  We would fight over the silliest things, and the words, oh the horror of the words that were coming out of our mouths.  The thoughts that were being shared, it was all so NOT GOD honoring.  I don't even think other than Sunday GOD was really on our radar's anymore.  We had gone from being a CHRIST lead home, to slowly shutting the door to HIM.

However, as always, in HIS timing, HE captured my heart once again.  Soon HE began to transform my heart, and renew my mind, and when I allowed HIM, it showed to my family.  Within days of starting this new chapter of my journey towards wholeness, this blog was born.  HIS Daily Teachings was such a BIG part of my life, and GOD wanted me to share it with everyone.  HE placed the "right" people at HIS "right" time, and used them to speak HIS words to me.  HE used them to build me up and give me the confidence and the courage to open  up the messiness that is my life, and begin to confess, and decide DAILY that I would choose to seek HIS will for my life.

In writing this blog I have been humbled.  I have laughed, cried, cringed, and even flat out refused at times while writing HIS words for my life.  I often find myself "thinking" I know what it is I am to write about, and then HE quickly lets me know, oh Heather, no no no, you are to write about this!  Many times I have sat in front of my computer scared.  Scared to reveal my deepest hurts, and my mistakes.  HE has shown me that through all my brokenness that there is life to be loved, and life to be lived.   HE is creating in me a humbled servant's heart, one of whom seeks HIM daily and is lead and guided to love life, so that it is possible to live life.

GOD revealed to me that HE didn't want me to just "endure" my life anymore, rather HE wanted me to live it!  In revealing that to me about myself, HE also revealed the same about my children.  HE let me know that I am to let go of all my scared feelings for my children, and to TRUST HIM, as they are HIS children and HE knows what is best for them.  HE has shown me that I can make decisions based on HIS truth, and NOT my "feelings,"  I know that HIS will for my life, is the only way I will be able to love my life, so I can live my life.

I know that GOD doesn't want me to do things the easy way, as that is doing things "my" way, and well my track record isn't very good for keeping things in working order.  I know that in choosing to do things "my" way I am lazy, unfocused, unmotivated, and depressed.  I know that "my" way only produces internal strife, and I create messes all around me everywhere I go.  I know that "my" way is the WORST way to live my life, as I won't be able to "love" my life, and therefore I won't really be living it.

GOD has shown me these past sixty-five days that HE wants me to keep my eyes set on HIM and to follow HIM where ever HE leads me.  HE wants me to set my ears to only hearing HIM, and do what ever HE tells me to do.  HE wants me to keep my heart in HIS hands no matter what happens to me.  HE has revealed to me time and again that HE is my ROCK, FORTRESS, and SALVATION!  HE is my comfort, my safe place to fall, and the one who loves me best!  HE is my Heavenly Father who created me and who leads me, guides me, builds me, teaches me, and loves me.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

"For the Lord will not reject his people;he will never forsake his inheritance." Psalm 94:14

"When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Psalm 94:18-19

"The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins;he will make her deserts like Eden,her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing." Isaiah 51:3

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

I can now say that through HIM I am being renewed, and in my being renewed HE has now begun renewing the hearts and minds of my family.  We are making choices daily to choose to seek HIM earnestly and to obey HIM no matter what!

I know that GOD wants me to ditch the path I "think" I should take, and stay on the straight and narrow path that HE has chosen for me.  I know that HIS path is going to be difficult, but it is through the trials of my life, that HE makes me stronger, and grows my faith in HIM.  I know that when my faith is strengthened it is much easier to love my life, and I can truly live my life.

“Make every effort to enter through the narrow door,because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to." Luke 13:24

I know that though it won't be easy, HIS way truly is the best way for me to live my life.  I know that when I "feel" as if though I can't, HE can, will, and does carry me through it all.  

I pray today that if you are struggling with internal strife, and find yourself losing grip on trying to manage your life, that you will turn your eyes to HIM and agree to follow HIM.  I pray today that you will receive the freedom to love your life, so that you can truly live your life.

Blessings,
Heather