"plastic"

I learned at a very young age the art of being "plastic."  I hid my "secret" of what was happening to me for half of my life.  I was very good at keeping "things" hidden through my plastic smile.  It was the same smile that I put on every Sunday when I walked into church.  It was always, dress in your "Sunday Best" and you must never reveal how things really are.  I was a "plastic" just like the rest of my family.  I hid things from other people for many years, and when the truth was finally revealed they were shocked.

"We can put on a "plastic" smile and tell the world we are fine while inside we are falling apart."

How many times I have been asked, "how are you doing Heather?," and my automatic reply is "fine."  If I were being honest most of the time my fine has really meant, "I am freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and erratic.  I am frazzled, confused, frustrated you name it.  I am hiding behind my "plastic" smile, when inside I am suffering.

I know that I fall right into Satan's trap that I should appear as though things are fine, therefore I should "hide" my true feelings from everyone.  I put on my "plastic" smile and my "fake it till I make it" attitude, when really GOD is wanting me to admit my loss of faith because I am so full of doubt.  GOD's truth reveal's to me that though I may fool others and maybe even myself, I am NOT fooling HIM.  I know that when HE lets me know that I am not fooling HIM I must confess every thought that is NOT GOD honoring.

"We pretend to be happy while we are all miserable, and we pretend to be in control and have it all together, but at home behind closed doors we are different people."

I can't tell you how many times I have heard from other moms, "Oh Heather you are just so amazing, you home school, and you have five children, and you are so sweet, and honest, and blah blah blah."  When inside I am screaming, "NO wait, STOP!!! I am NOT amazing, I am a HOT MESS!!!"  Yet, there I am smiling that "plastic" smile and nodding my head, and thanking them, and then later falling into a puddle of tears because I am anything but what they are telling me.

GOD wants to free me the bondage that keeps me in that negative thinking.  The truth is, I am a good mom, I love my children, and would do most anything for them. I love being a mom, (most days) and I have my "freak out" moments, but they never last for very long.  I am emotional, and I cry when my children go out of their way to  help someone else.  I am their biggest fan, and I love them to pieces.  I love when it's their bedtime, as I am usually "wiped out" from taking care of them all day.  Some days I am jealous of D as he gets to leave our home, and gets to have adult conversations.  I may or may not "lose" it when I go to bed and find candy, and crumbs, and marshmallows stuck to my pillow.  I am sometimes bitter when other's receive the success that I have been praying for our family.  I am not perfect, and I pray that I don't portray myself to be.  For the past fifty-six days I have woke up every morning praising GOD for my life, and asking HIM to lead me, and teach me how to live my life that day.  HE is renewing me, and transforming my heart, body, and mind everyday.

I know that Satan tries his best to keep my mind focused on "problems" in my life.  I know that when I am busy "dealing" with issues I lose sight of GOD, and I begin to make a mess of my life.  GOD doesn't want to be the passenger of my life,  HE wants to be the driver.  I must be willing to hand over the keys, by confessing my true thoughts and feelings so that HE can renew my mindset.

Dr. Phil is famous for saying, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."  GOD wants me to know that I am not fooling HIM, and that I can't hide from HIM.  HE already knows my thoughts, HE just wants me to be honest, and confess those thoughts to HIM.

I must remember though my "plastic" life may be acceptable to the flesh, the Spirit will drag me out onto the carpet and NOT allow me to "hide" forever.

"We may even bury ourselves in church work or spiritual activity as a way of hiding from GOD."

I know that GOD is trying to show me the truth of my life, therefore I must  lose the mindset of working for HIM so I don't have to listen to HIM.  I know that my children are watching me as I am "going through the motions," and not really seeking GOD and heeding HIS word.  I know that in telling them the importance of walking with GOD daily and they see that I am not modeling that, then the first chance they get, they will throw me under the bus.  They will call me out, and I won't be able to say that awful phrase, "do as I say, not as I do."  That saying is unacceptable when it comes to walking with GOD, it's not a "fake it till I make it" thing.  I know that I while I may to appear to be "doing,"  GOD will only allow that for so long, before HE will ask me to remove the "plastic" from my life.

I know that through my faith in HIM, HE will free me from my ungodly, and negative feelings, by revealing HIS truth for my life.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

"The bible says we live by faith and not by sight."  "For we live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

GOD's truth is this:  HE will set me free, I must be honest with HIM and myself always.  I must lose my "plastic" self and put on my true self  even when it isn't what I want others to see.  After all I am living for GOD and not others.

"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." Ephesians 4:25

I know that GOD wants me to have intentional relationships with others.  I know that in order to be GOD honoring in those relationships I must not be "plastic."

Today's decision and confession is this:  I will be authentic and truthful in my walk with GOD and my fellow human beings.

I pray today that if you are "hiding" your true feelings, that you will seek the truth in HIM.  I pray today that you are able to confess to HIM so that HE can transform and renew your mind.  I pray that you will find the freedom that you need to live in HIM today.

Blessings,
Heather