I have learned that HIS PROMISES are HOLY, and TRUSTWORTHY. This is because HE has taken the time to draw me near, as I have surrendered to HIM, I have drawn near to HIM, and I have experienced HIM pulling me even closer still. It has been through the surrender where I have come completely undone in my humanness, and I have cried to the end of my soul in the struggle and suffering that I have had to endure for most of my life.
I thought that I only began suffering in October of 2014, however HE has brought me to a place of peaceful surrender in many moments of our HOLY QUIET PLACE where HE has drawn near to me and has let HIS grace fall like an avalanche over me. Cascading like a waterfall reaching every single part of me, soothing all the hurts within me. Letting me know that HE was there for every single moment of my life, whether I knew HE was there or not. I know this as I've experienced many times in my life, moments of HIM taking me back to the moment agony, sorrow, and suffering began in my life. There have been too many moments to count, and HE has healed me through each and every moment I've surrendered to HIM, and allowed HIM into the deep pain that I had buried in layers of self-protection so that I would be able to survive and not give into the darkness that was always on my heels, taunting me that there wasn't any other way out, but to end it all. To end the suffering by my own hands was the lie the enemy tried to impress upon me to get me to succomb to.
Thankfully HIS timing is perfect and is always right on time. In just the right time, ever so gently, kindly, and deeply and compassionately HE met me in the sadness, sorrow, and pain. HE held my suffering in HIS SOVERNIGN MIGHTY HANDS and poured HIS GRACE over me. HE made sure I knew that I could TRUST that HIS MERCIES would always be made new each and every morning where HE ensured my eyes would be opened. HE met me in the darkness and let me know that even though I couldn't lift my head up, HE encouraged me to turn my head from side to side, that even face down in oppression the enemy couldn't keep my eyes from SEEING HIS LIGHT.
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it"
John 1:5
HE wanted me to know that HE understood how weak I had become, and just how battle weary I felt in having just to breathe another moments breath. HE knew, and HE met me with even more grace, even more mercy, and flooded me with even more peace. HE loved me back to my feet. HE brought me out of the deep abyss of agony, sadness, sorrow, and pain, to the survivor's shore. A place where I was certain was my purpose for the rest of my life. This is because I had believed the lie that I would survive until I died.
Thankfully HIS timing is perfect and is always right on time. As slowly ever so gently HE taught me how to sit up again at first for just a brief moment, but slowly HE healed me to sit for longer periods of time. After a while in HIS perfect timing, HE taught me how to stand again. Holding me with HIS RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND, NEVER letting me go, HE remained STEADFASTLY FAITHUL HOLDING TIGHT to me. NEVER letting me go, HE remained, HE stayed, repeating HIS HOLY PROMISES to me, over me and for me, over and over on repeat until I was able to speak to them out for myself. It wasn't too much longer and HE let me know I was going to walk again, and for me this meant pray again, out loud, not in silence as I had been doing (this is because I felt as though I had a target on my back, and I was terrified of even more pain being inflicted upon me.) To pray out loud to speak HIS TRUTH, HIS HOLY PROMISES for me and as always, HIS TIMING was perfect and was always right on time.
HE knew I was terrified to walk more than a few steps, as we were still so very close to the shore and the grief waves were crashing the shore and pulling me back in and under. At first, it took me a while day, weeks, and even at times months to recover) to get back to the survivor's shore. However, HE remained, and once again HE proved to me that HIS timing is always perfect, and just like all the times before HE moved, HE carried me and led me back to me feet to be able to do the things HE had planned for me at just the right time.
The theme I learned in those times of learning to sit, stand, and walk again were that HE will always be right on time, preparing my heart, my eyes, in pouring HIS TRUTH in me, equipping me with HIS strength to do what HE had prepared me to do. HE didn't leave me out in the abyss all by myself, (even though at times it sure felt like it, as agony was hell on earth.) I had to learn to DIG DEEP with HIM, to allow HIM to make my feet like that of a deer to be able to navigate the rough terrain of suffering. Slowly HE planted and cultivated a DEEP TRUST in HIM and for HIM, through repentance and surrender of my will and my ways.
Because of HIS HOLY PROMISES I have learned, experienced and lived HIS TRUTH that has been deeply embedded into my heart and is the very place that I am writing this blog from. I have learned to NOT let the setback cause me to turn away from HIM. That HE is always right there with me, and HE knows the disappointment that I am feeling. HE knows how tired and exhausted I have become due to how much hardship and suffering I have had to endure. I have learned in the hardest of ways NOT to walk away, and allow the lies of the enemy to sway my TRUST in the LORD, in getting me to believe that I am unworthy of HIS goodness, and that HIM promising me that I would SEE HIS GOODNESS IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING was just a lie, that it may be for others, but not for me, as I was unworthy, because I failed to be a "good little soldier" in HIS army. A lie that leveled me for a very long time. A lie that has been cast out and has been replaced with HIS TRUTH at just the right time. To ensure me with HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that I am indeed worthy, and HIS TIMING IS PERFECT and is always right on time.
I am learning that each time I choose to meet HIM in our HOLY QUIET PLACE, HE is already there, waiting for me. HE delights in me and is so excited for me to know HIM even more, and even more than that HE loves when I seek HIM and find out just how much HE knows me. HE loves to surprise me with HIS word as my life falls in between the scripture. When I SEE that HIS timing truly is perfect and is always right on time.
Precious Dear Ones,
My prayer for each of you today is that you will come to know JESUS as I know HIM. That unlike people who hurt you, let you down, and break their promises to you, that HE will NEVER break HIS PROMISES to you, as they are indeed HOLY. I pray that you will come to know and TRUST HIS WORD and know that it is indeed infallible. I pray you will be able to TRUST HIM, to take HIM at HIS WORD that HE will NEVER let you down. That HE will NEVER EVER forget you, HE will NEVER EVER leave you. I pray today will be the day that you open your heart to HIM, that you will bravely surrender the pain, the anguish, the sadness, sorrow, and pain to HIM. That you will allow HIM to sit with you, to hold you, heal you, and help you. I pray that you will begin to SEE that HIS timing is always perfect and is always right on time.
ALL FOR HIS GLORY
With all love, tenderness, compassion, and deep empathy,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
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