reverence and awe

  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

I could feel HIM pulling me even closer still this morning, readying, steadying my heart to receive HIS tender mercy for another deep belly grief moment.  A moment that would cause tears to well up in my eyes, with only one escaping.  Tender mercy that it was more than okay that I cried out "Oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, please HELP me JESUS."  This was the very moment where I came undone and collapsed in the driveway while waiting for the 1st responders to show up, to rescue me from the living nightmare unfolding within me, as shock and horror led to my body shutting down.

It has been in the healing through HIS mercy that HE has let me know that it was more than okay to cry out to HIM, frantically, desperately, as HE knew, HE was there, and HE gave me the breath to cry out, to release the agony of the overwhelming pain I was experiencing.  True to WHO HE is though, HE wanted me to know that I must always approach HIS THRONE OF GRACE in total and complete Reverence and Awe.  

I am learning this means that there have been times in my life where I have said, "oh my GOD," in a flippant manner of speaking.  I simply utter or muttered those words.  Or when I've halfheartedly proclaimed, "Praise GOD.," completely disrespecting the manner in which I have been called to approach HIS THRONE OF GRACE.  I've completely missed the mark and didn't realize that I was being casual and careless with my words, and I well because I know HIS HOLY SPIRIT dwells within me, I have grieved the LORDS HOLY SPIRIT, and that hurts my heart.  As I believe it breaks HIS, and if I am asking HIM to break my heart for what breaks HIS, then I must allow myself to be humbled to SEE where I have fallen short of HIS GLORY.

In my desire to become more like JESUS, HE is taking me even further into HIS TRUTH and revealing to me where my mind NEEDS to be renewed, and lies have to be removed and replaced with HIS TRUTH.  That just because I've always thought a certain way, or that I have been resolved to think, "well this is WHO I am, and how I will always be."  Nothing could be further from HIS TRUTH, as I am learning each and every time I choose to put HIM 1st, and meet HIM in our HOLY QUIET PLACE, that HE WILL meet me.  HE will draw me near, and we will be face to face, so that I can hear HIM, and HIS heartbeat for what matters to HIM.  HE is showing me another layer of HIS depth of HIS love for me, and desire for me to know HIM more.  I am learning that by the way HE is revealing to me the way HE created me.  To NEED HIM, to consume my portion of HIS DAILY BREAD so that I am able to look, love, and live like HIM, to be CHRIST LIKE, to BE like JESUS.

This has been my heart's desire for quite some time, and just when I think I'm finally starting to understand, HE reminds me through HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE that I couldn't possibly know or understand ALL that HE has for me, as I was created to NEED HIM forever, and in knowing that, I must understand that the process of sanctification will continue until I am called home, or JESUS comes back.  This is why I believe, and TRUST that HE taught me my life verse in the book of Philippians 13 years ago.  HIS word that would be impressed and imprinted on my heart.  Embedded, planted, deeply rooted, to which HE would cultivate good fruit from.  Good fruit that I am now experiencing an abundant harvest from.  

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

I am continually in a state of wonder and awe of just how WONDEROUS are HIS WORKS.  HIS LOVE has truly changed my life.  HE has truly done a MIGHTY RESTORATIVE WORK within me, taken me through, brought me through, carried me through the REFINNG FIRE, a fire started by my enemy intending to destroy me, JESUS stood in the flames with me, and RESTORED me., and I believe this is WHY HE is wanting me to understand the power, the level of responsibility that I have to BE obedient to SURRENDER, to boast ONLY OF HIS GOODNESS, and to share my JESUS STORY for ONLY HIS GLORY.  

Looking back over these past 13 years of my life, I can now SEE that HE has prepared me for this very season I am living.  Preparation that began with repentance and surrender that then required total and complete obedience to obey HIS commands.  Obedience that began a GOOD WORK within me, to lead me to the next thing.  HE knew what I would endure.  HE knew I would lose Seth, and that I would suffer the deepest loss of my life.  HE knew and HE prepared me.  HE planted, and cultivated deep roots of understanding HIS character and promises just enough, that those DEEP ROOTS would remain intact and would carry me through the hardest season of my life.

DEEP ROOTS that taught me WHO HE is, and then I experienced what that meant for me.  DEEP ROOTS, that began to dig a DEEP WELL of EMPATHY for those WHO mourn.  So that I would know and understand my calling, my purpose to mourn with those who mourn.  To be able to listen without speaking and praying through HIS HOLY SPIRIT, all the while being filled with HIS power to discern what I NEED to pray for.  Losing Seth, Deep loss taught me, and showed me that I wasn't alone, and HIS GOODNESS that came out of my deep loss is the ability to be an intercessor of prayer for the brokenhearted.

Truly I have lived and experience HIS GOODNESS of HIM keeping HIS HOLY PROMISES to me and for me.  I have had tangible moments to recall of HIS HOLY SPIRIT interceding on my behalf, such as singing, "Cornerstone in the truck that night, saying "The LORD gives and the LORD takes away, BLESSED be the NAME OF THE LORD." Job 1:21 - and so many more tender mercy moments in the first few days of agony, that carried me through the last almost 12 years.  

Though the surrender of the suffering, allowing HIM to show me what HE wants me to know in the suffering, HE is strengthening and deepening my TRUST in HIM and for HIM.  I am falling more in love with JESUS and can't believe HE died for me, and then HE didn't stop there.  That HE continued to pursue me to know HIM even more, to set me FREE to heal me, all the while holding me, and helping me through the anguish, the heartache, and the desperate missing that I continue to live with as I know will always be a tenderness that HE keeps within me so that I will continue to dig and even deeper well of empathy for the brokenhearted, so that I will be able to hold space, to pray for, to mourn with those who mourn.  I am learning the imperativeness of my understanding and commitment to ONLY approach HIS THRONE OF GRACE with humility in total and complete Reverence and Awe. 

Precious Dear Ones,

HE knows why you say what you do.  HE knows why you think what you do.  HE wants you to TRUST HIM with your thoughts, as HE already knows and is just waiting for you to admit them to HIM.  May you open your heart to HIM and allow HIM to renew your mind, so that you may receive a heart transformation.  May this reminder to approach HIS THRONE OF GRACE with complete humility in total and complete Reverence and Awe.  HE died for you because HE loves you, HE knows you and wants you to know HIM.  May today be the day you open your heart to HIM, to let HIM hold you in the sorrow, sadness, pain, and may HIS TRUTH wash over you like a soothing balm everywhere you hurt.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love, compassion, tenderness, and empathy,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather