eyes up, Dear Heart

  "[looking away from all that will distract us and] focusing our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of faith [the first incentive for our belief and the One who brings our faith to maturity], who for the joy [of accomplishing the goal] set before Him endured the cross, disregarding the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God [revealing His deity, His authority, and the completion of His work]" Hebrews 12:2 Amplified Version

While on my walk this morning I felt HIM speak to my heart.  "Eyes up Dear Heart."   Since Monday night I was replaying a moment of weakness in a grief trigger from last week.  Over and over, I replayed the moment wondering why I wasn't able to just shrug off the trigger and why it had affected me like it did.  To be honest I was humiliated by my response, and embarrassed when it was revealed to me another person's perception of my response.

I've fought really hard for the past almost 12 years to BE honoring in my grief.  To NOT allow my emotions to overtake me, as I've learned in the hardest of ways that not every person is able to handle my grief, and or my processing of my grief.  It has been in some of my vulnerable moments where I was attacked the hardest by the enemy.  Attacks, and schemes that took me years to overcome, process through with JESUS, give HIM all the emotions attached to the wound, and allow HIM to lead me through forgiveness of the unjust treatment I've received whilst grieving through the deep loss of my son.

These moments I'm learning replayed over and over in my mind to keep me distracted.  So, while I was walking this morning, I felt HIS DAILY BREAD falling from Heaven right into my heart.  ALL I have to focus on is HIS VOICE, to keep my eyes up, Dear Heart as HE knows the distractions, and how I get exhausted by the tears that fall as the memories and moments flood my mind and my heart.  HE knows how hard I fight through the urge to hold onto grudges, and just be mad, after all who could possibly blame me when I've been through so much.  When I've endured the unimageable, I've survived the Tsunami of Grief, in the sea of agony, of overwhelming sorrow, and excruciating pain.  I've lived almost 12 years without my son.  I've overcome CPTSD, Hypervigilance, Anxiety, Depression, just to name the top 4.  ALL because of JESUS.  Because of the HOLY RESET that HE has taken me through this past year. 

HIS BLESSED ASSURANCE floods my mind so that I know I am so deeply loved and cared for by reminding me of HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS to me and for me has brough me back centered, eyes up, SEEKING ONLY HIM.  Pouring ALL my emotions, feelings, thoughts out to HIM.  Handing my aching mended heart into HIS capable healing hands.  When the heaviness has become too much for me once again and all I know is something has to break, or I'm going to break.  HE whispers to me, "I'VE got you Dear Heart, I'M here.  I'M with you, I won't EVER leave you.  I have a plan, I know how hard this has all been.  I know how unfairly you've been treated; I know you've tried so hard to fight through the tears.  But I promise you, they are NEVER too much for ME.  You, MY PRECIOUS DEAR HEART are NEVER too much for me."

HIS TRUTH is so deeply comforting to me, as with all that has been going on in my life, I only NEED to keep my eyes focused on HIM.  I NEED only to seek HIM Once again HE is reminding me WHY HE has so lovingly taught me over and over WHY I am to PUT ON HIS ARMOR daily, Ephesians 6:10-20.  HE is letting me know HIS DAILY TEACHINGS has been the foundation to prepare me for understanding the NEED for HIS DAILY BREAD.  HE is filling me with TRUE CONFIDENCE that I can always BE recentered, I can ALWAYS change my focus back to HIM.  HE will ALWAYS be right there to show me THE WAY, John 14:6.  

HE is teaching me HIS word so that I may edify it for the readers, the very souls who read this blog.  This means you Dear Ones.   I may not know who you are, but rest assured HE knows you.  HE knows the posts that resonate with you, cause you to well up with tears, and even close the window of the blog as out of sight out of mind.  HE knows when you've had enough, and when you are ready for even more healing.    HE is with you, waiting for you to let HIM in, to TRUST HIM with your heart.  HE knows how heartbroken you are, angry you are, bitter you are, and how lonely you are.  HE even knows when you've given up on life.  When you've decided surviving until you die is the plan you've decided upon.  HE knows, and HE knows why and what made you decide that.  Unlike people HE isn't disappointed in you, rather HIS compassion and love run deep for you.  HE just wants to help you, and HE will wait as long as it takes for you to allow HIM into your heart.  Even if you are already walking with JESUS, you've given your life to HIM, yet find yourself in an extremely difficult season of your life, where TRUST is so very vulnerable for you.  As the hurt and pain that you've endured keeps you avoiding anything remotely resembling what you've already been through.  

Dear Ones,

HE will NEVER fail you.  This is HIS HOLY PROMISE that is deeply personal and just.for.you.  HE knows why you're scared, and how deep the scars go to when you stopped TRUSTING HIM.  HE isn't mad at you or punishing you.  HE is there to help you.  HE is wanting to SHINE HIS LIGHT, HIS GLORY in your life so that you will SEE the TRUTH of WHO you are, because then you'll know WHOSE you are.  You were made in HIS image, and WHO you are in CHRIST JESUS is the ONLY TRUTH you NEED to know.  My prayer is that you'll seek HIM, HIS TRUTH, and know that HE hears you, and will answer you.  HE is Truly TRUSTWORTHY and STEADFASTLY FAITHFUL to remain, even when you're struggling to TRUST HIM.  Dear One's HE has a plan for that too. Whatever your addictions, habits, hangups, obsessions, whatever lies have you bound up, locked in a prison, HE knows.  HE knows the way out.  HE will make a way for you.  HE is there, waiting to hold you, to heal you, to help you, to teach, lead, and guide you.  May today be the day you open your heart to HIM once again, or for the 1st time.  May you begin your own journey of eyes up, Dear Heart.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love, compassion, and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather