Saying YES to JESUS put me on the front line of the battleground. Saying yes put me front and center at the table with my enemies. Little did I know who my enemies were, let alone did I understand how to fight. It would be years later before I would be strong enough to even think of saying YES again.
This past April I served at the women's conference at my church as a part of the welcoming team. This was the 1st time in almost 13 years that I had served in hospitality for a church. It was the first time in almost 12 years where I was healed enough to be there for other people, rather than my being in constant and continual need. While serving I had the opportunity to hug and love on several women who just needed BLESSED ASSURANCE that they weren't alone. I was able to pray over them and listen to their hearts and what was going on in their lives. I was able to just be, to just listen, to just pray, not try to fix, or solve anything. I didn't feel pressure to perform or appear a certain way. I was healed and I knew it; I could feel it.
Still... the enemy didn't let up. It was during the afternoon session that a dear friend was interviewed for the traumatic event that transpired just six months prior with her precious 3-year-old. On the day of the traumatic event, I was actually gathered at our church for a volunteer celebration. As the call to prayer came out, and people boldly stood in the gap to pray for her 3-year-old son, I stood, tears streaming pleading to ALL of Heaven to please save her son HERE, NOT there. I prayed on her, and her husband's behalf to please give them the miracle they were praying for. To please not break their hearts the way that our hearts were. The tears continued throughout the day and night. Each night after receiving updates that were promising and uplifting, it was apparent that ALL of Heaven was listening and they were getting their miracle. Now in this very afternoon she was sharing HOW GOD WAS MORE THAN ABLE to do MORE than any of us could have prayed for or imagined. Ephesians 3:20.
My heart was so elated for her, but sadness was creeping as the enemy began to taunt me. "You'll never share your story, because there is NO miracle to be found." It was in that exact moment where I heard to strong steady voice of the HOLY SPIRIT, "That's because YOU'RE THE MIRACLE." HE let me know that though we didn't get the answer to our prayers the way we had hoped for, we've SEEN miracle after miracle in our family, and as lovingly and gentle as HE has always been, HE began to walk me through just how much of a miracle I have witnessed of HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS. HE reminded me on our time spent together. Where I would cry deep into HIS chest, where HE would lead me beside the still waters, and have me rest in the greenest pastures, as HE would RESTORE my soul. Psalm 23
Truly, I am THE MIRACLE, as the enemy attacked me over and over again, starting at the tender age of 2.5 in distorting the TRUTH, so that I would swallow the lies that were being breathed into my soul. Lies that I couldn't trust anyone, that abandonment, betrayal, and jealousy would be a running theme in every single relationship of my life. That one day, even after having lost my son, the comparison, the lies would begin to play as the broken record of my life. In that moment JESUS would step in and rescue me and declare that I AM THE MIRACLE. So, this leaves me where I am today, saying YES daily to JESUS. Saying YES to HIS will, HIS way for my life. Surrendering the pain and letting HIM into the grieving parts of me. Allowing HIS soothing balm of HIS LIVING WATER to RESTORE me. Saying YES has changed my life, has challenged me, strengthened me, and revived the once dead and buried PROMISES and TRUTH within me. Perhaps this is HIS DEEPLY PERSONAL INVITATION that is just.for.you. Maybe the miracle you've been praying for, waiting for is actually you. The Renewal of your mind and the transformation of your heart.
Your SISTER in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
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