It has been through HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me to why it is imperative that I PUT ON HIS ARMOR daily, that I am learning more about Saul who became the Apostle Paul. In Paul's own words he asks for prayer for the LORD'S message to be given to him. For him to receive the LORDS message whenever he speaks, and for him to make known with BOLDNESS the mystery of THE GOSPEL. I'm learning the reason Paul prayed for this very ask was because he was an ambassador in chains, meaning he was imprisoned for sharing THE GOSPEL for CHRIST JESUS. He needed strength, and courage to speak boldly even though he was imprisoned for that very reason.
In the past four years my prayer life has increased. I've experienced HIS steadfast faithfulness to me and started to SEE my life, THROUGH MY FATHER'S EYES. I've witnessed miracles that I can't explain in any other words but the GRACE OF GOD. I've watched HIM level mountains, and empty oceans in my life just to reach me. I've walked beside HIS STILL WATERS, and I've rested in HIS LOVING ARMS in the GREENEST PASTURES. Truly HE has restored my soul, Psalm 23:2-3. So much that I've become bolder in writing my testimony, in sharing my JESUS STORY.
I remember years ago when HIS DAILY TEACHINGS was about TRUE CONFIDENCE. I remember thinking and feeling discouraged if I'd ever get to the point where I could share my JESUS story, and that was because I didn't understand the difference between my personal story and my JESUS story. Well I can confidently say and speak boldly HIS TRUTH, that my personal story is reserved for only a few people whom I will encounter in this life. However, my JESUS story, well that is for everyone to hear to know. In knowing that I've felt led back to writing and posting on this blog. Not so that I may boast, rather to speak boldly... ALL FOR HIS GLORY.
In order for me to speak boldly I MUST first take EVERY single thought captive. I must PRAY for DISCERNMENT and WISDOM to speak ONLY when HE calls me to speak. I am learning that at every turn the enemy is scheming to trip me up. To keep me bound and gagged. To keep me upset, angry, bitter, jealous, and to keep me seeing through a lens of comparison. This is especially true whenever someone else is speaking about something I've suffered though. Where true pain has inflicted, not just an uncomfortable feeling or struggle has ensued. Rather true suffering such a deep loss, where the only way through is to grieve. To feel to cry, to come completely undone. To have gone through the deepest loss where you know the only way you survived was through the amazing grace of GOD. The kind of suffering where the pain is all consuming, and you can't cry enough, pray enough, or outrun it. This became very apparent to me when the day I realized that I could fly to anywhere on the planet and Seth wouldn't be there. That no matter where I went my son would still be in heaven, and my heart would still be so broken. I would still have to miss him for the rest of my life, and that was the unbearable truth that I was forced to accept.
To speak boldly about suffering here is what I will say. I don't know how, or when, I only know WHO. JESUS is the ONLY one who can and will make a way. I don't understand it, I can't really explain it, but somehow, supernaturally one day you'll wake up and the pain will be different. HIS grace will be sufficient enough for you to endure the pain of deep loss, 2 Corinthians 12:9. HE will remain steadfastly faithful to you. Catching and keeping every single tear of the oceans that you cry HE won't rush you through your healing. HE will give you the time and space to grieve. HE will slowly bind up your wounds, healing you from the inside out, Psalm 147:3. HE will let you know that HE understands how badly you want to go back to before... to life before deep loss showed up and shattered your heart. HE will keep HIS PROMISES to you as they are indeed HOLY. HE will give you everything you need to move forward in your life, pausing with you to cry, to mourn, to remember. HE knows, and HE has a plan for ALL the days of your life, Jeremiah 29:11. HE will turn your mourning into dancing, Psalm 30:11, and HE will trade your sorrows for HIS joy.
My brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS I don't know when or how, but I do know and can say with TRUE CONFIDENCE that HE is steadfastly faithful to remain with you. To breathe in HIS peace that surpasses ALL understanding, Philippians 4:7. HE will leave you speechless with HIS endless grace and tender mercies. HE will renew you and restore you and help you. HE will teach, lead, and guide you through your days, and HE promises that in TRUSTING HIM to be your LORD and SAVIOR, HE will prepare a place for you in HIS FATHERS HOUSE. I can confidently say that HE is indeed close to the brokenhearted, Psalm 34:18. HIS PROMISES ARE HOLY and HE keeps every single one of them. For I have witnessed, learned, experienced, and lived out HIS HOLY PROMISES and TRUST and know them to be TRUE as my life is evident of this very thing. Through the writings of the Apostle Paul, I am being strengthened by the LORDS vast strength to speak boldly about the mystery of the gospel. I am being CHAMPIONED by ALL of Heaven, Hebrews 12:1
I'll leave you with one final thought to ponder, "do you live your life for HIS GLORY? Do you speak boldly in such a way that even the LORD can't help but notice your resilience?" (This was the final question in my devotional today)
ALL FOR HIS GLORY
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS
~Heather
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