even more

 Yesterday, during worship in church we sang about " ALL I want, ALL I NEED is MORE of YOU and less of me, take my life, LORD it's YOURS, have my heart, have it ALL."  As I raised my hands in surrender, I was reminded to open my hands to release that of which I was holding onto.  In the next moment I knew HE was bringing me back to the moment in my office on the morning of October 13, 2014, where I stood ALL in, proclaiming I trusted HIM with everything.  When I promised to go wherever HE leads me, that HE saved my life, and I TRUSTED HIM completely.

As always, my eyes welled up with tears, as I knew what it meant to surrender fully.  My eyes scanned the room and watched the hands raise high in the air, and I cried out in my mind to HIM, "OH LORD JESUS do they know what they're fully surrendering?  Do they know what is being asked of them?  Please don't teach them the way you taught me, please JESUS."  

As I wiped away my tears, I felt HIS tender presence surround me.  I felt HIS gentle, and kind hand take mine, comforting me, as HE knew why I was crying, and what my tears truly meant.  HE knew how my heart was broken on the worst day of my life.  HE was there with me, then, and now in this moment where my mind was flooded with all the even's that Ive had to learn to embrace.  The even if, even when, even though, through all the even's that I could think of.  

Yet, this morning as I sit here and write this very post HIS loving reminder is bringing me back to me pouring my heart out to HIM this morning in my journal.  Pen to paper I wrote, "LORD JESUS, how I love YOU.  How I love YOUR WORD.  I crave to know even more. To draw near to YOU even closer still"

HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today is HIM pulling me even closer still to know that there is indeed even more for me to know, to experience, to live.  That just when I think I'm starting to really understand what HE is doing, and has been doing in me, for me, and through me, I'm finding out there's still so much more, even more that I could possibly think of, dream of, or dare to ask for.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

Ephesians 3:20

Today HE is wanting me to share what is required when you go ALL IN with JESUS.  What you're really surrendering.  Your life, your health, your marriage, your children, your job, your finances.  ALL of it, all that you hold tightly to, that is the very thing HE is asking you to surrnder.  I know this as I have had to learn in the hardest of ways, yet truthfully, I find immensely comforting that even if I were to lose as the world says we lose, I have gained so much more, even more than I ever knew could be possible.  Going ALL in has brought me to a peaceful surrender for myself, as I have learned that I am NOT in control of much of anything in this life other than my own thoughts, words, and actions.  I have learned that I cannot be anyone else's HOLY SPIRIT (this has been a suprisingly tough challenge for me, because I just want to help people whom I've discerned are battling lies of oppression.) 

I have learned that it's much more about what I pray to HIM WHO is actually able to do immeasurably more than I could think of in my humanness., HIS TRUTH that I NEED on repeat, to continuously remind me that HE is the SOVERIGN LORD, NOT me.  HIS TRUTH that even though I have been careless, or thoughtless with my words in the past, even in my prayers, by just praying pacifying prayers which is really just me going through the motions.

If I am truly wanting even more, then I must understand the commitment that is required of me, the dying to my fleshly desires to be liked, or adored by people As words of affirmation are what I have craved since I was a little girl.  This is because of the abandonment lie that was breathed into my soul at a very tender age.  However, because of JESUS, I have been set free from that very lie, and I am now standing confidently before the LORD going ALL in, wanting, asking, seeking, for even more.

Through obedience I am learning what is required is truly letting go of myself and picking up my cross to follow HIM.  That I have prayed to BE able to mourn with those who mourn, to love as JESUS does, and if I am truly committed to doing HIS WILL, and HIS WAY, to truly obey HIS commands for my life, I must meet with HIM daily in our HOLY QUIET PLACE, where I draw near to HIM, and HE pulls me even closer still.

HE is letting me know that if I am asking for even more, then even more will be asked of me.  Not because HE wants me to be unhappy, or rigid, rather so that my heart's desires will be aligned with HIS.  So that my focus will be on HIM, and ALL that HE is doing, so that I won't crave attention, or adoration for myself, rather I will have a pure clean heart, to do ALL things ALL FOR HIS GLORY.

I am continuing to learn that ALL in requires me to take every thought captive, and allow HIM to renew my mind daily, sometimes even multiple times a day.  Continuously, constantly making HIM 1st in ALL that I am doing.  Asking myself, is what I am consuming, does it exalt HIM?  Am I giving HIM ALL THE GLORY HONOR and PRAISE that HE deserves, or am I trying to skim off the top of my offerings to HIM, for HIM?  Am I merely just saying I crave even more so that it will appear that I fully invested in becoming more like HIM, or am I truly committed to do whatever it takes... even if.... even when.... even though???

In a moment while talking with my 17-year-old son last night, I said, "I'm not asking you to do, or go anywhere, any place where I haven't gone myself.  I'm not encouraging you to fight for your freedom in ways that I haven't already done myself.  I'm just letting you know that I was only able to learn to fight to get FREE to BE FREE, and to stay FREE because of JESUS.  HE helped me, showed me how, and HE will for you too."

Precious Dear Ones, I only write about my experiences, of what walking with JESUS has been like for me.  I write because I was once a person whom the busses of life were always running over.  I was as my husband likes to say the "underdog."  It was in the crossroads of my lfe, where I chose to RUN to JESUS, and my life has NEVER been the same since.  I write to share HIS DAILY TEACHINGS, as HE is the AUTHOR and I am HIS LIVING VESSSEL.  Willing, committed, to go ALL in, for even more.  Dear Ones, it is my fervent prayer that you as the reader of this blog, will be encouraged to go ALL in, to seek HIM, to know HIM in a deeply personal way.  I pray that you will have tanglible encounters with HIM, as you read these posts.  I pray that you will know that you are NOT alone, that HE with you.  That HE SEES you, HE knows you, (even the smile that you fake to appear okay.)  HE knows that happy face you show the world, and the tears that flood your soul.  HE is with you, and HE has a plan to help you, to hold you, to heal you, to RESTORE your soul.  May today be the day you allow HIM to lead you beside the still waters, to lie down in the greenest of pastures as HE RESTORES your soul.  May today be the day that you begin to crave even more.

ALL FOR HIS GLORY

With so much love, tenderness, compassion, and deep empathy,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~Heather