This describes all the days of my life since I first gave my life to CHRIST on June 22, 2003, on my 25th birthday. ALL FOR HIS GLORY... I can't even say that without tearing up. I can't share of HIS goodness and steadfast FAITHFULNESS to me and for me without tears falling. TRULY HE has given me a life full of HOPE and a FUTURE. I am in continuous awe of what HE is able to do with the ashes and embers of my life. I am coming the realization that my healing hasn't just been for my benefit, rather it's ALL FOR HIS GLORY, and all my days tell HIS STORY.
Learning to Surrender to Suffering, well that's been a journey in of itself. This is because it's not just suffering, and then you're healed, and you keep moving forward, no I'm talking about long term suffering. This is because I am grieving the deepest loss of my life. My precious 1 year old son, who I outlived, and as a Mama I am devastated by that reality. Parents aren't supposed to bury their kids. Caskets should never be so small. Yet, we live in a broken and fallen and world where disease and death are prevalent, and in my world, well sometimes children just die. With no warning, no chance to fight to save, and parents are just forced to accept that the once vibrant little light in their lives has been put out.
Deep loss, grieving Seth has been overwhelmingly difficult to process and to surrender to. As I'm used to struggle, pain, and even overcoming agony. Yet this time, I couldn't just soldier on. I couldn't just get it together, I couldn't pray enough, cry hard enough, no words helped, and I struggled to just make it through the day.
When I look back on the past almost 12 years, I SEE one constant thing... JESUS... HIS steadfast faithfulness to remain. Even when I was so angry and falling apart. Even the one time I made it to the altar and cursed HIM... HE loved me through it. HE helped me process my anger. HE carried me through it all. So much in fact, that now whenever something from my past comes up all I have to do is ask, and HE will take me back and show me where HE was.... where HE'S ALWAYS been.... steadfastly faithful even before I knew HIM.
All my days tell a story of how I was knitted together in my mother's womb by the creator of the universe. I was chosen on purpose to have the facial features I do. My skin type, the color of my eyes, to the number of hairs on my head. HE planned, and created, and crafted.... the master sculpted HIS masterpiece. HE knew that one day I would begin to tell the story of all my days, and HE smiled knowing that I would have a revelation that the purpose for my life has always been ALL FOR HIS GLORY.
HE knew that I would open my heart to HIM, I would be saved and received my salvation through confessing that JESUS CHRIST is LORD. HE knew the journey I would embark upon. HE knew the questions I would have, and the obedience and discipline HE would instill within me to do what HE has planned for me. HE knew the moment where Surrender to Suffering another breakthrough for me in healing through deep loss would be. HE knew when intercessory prayer would be birthed in my heart during stoplight tears. HE knew the tenderness that HE would instill within me and wouldn't take away no matter how much I would beg, plead, or pray for. HE knew when I would begin to SEE HIS GOODNESS IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. HE knew when I would learn WHO HE is, and when I would experience WHOSE I AM. HE knew, ALL of it, and HE wrote the book, the story of ALL MY DAYS.
Precious Dear Ones,
HE knows what you're going through. HE knows how much it is hurting. HE knows what suffering is doing to you. HE knows and hears every single one of your cries for help. HE is there, and HE loves you in a deeply personal way. HE is waiting for you to open up to HIM. HE already knows how angry and frustrated you are. HE knows how much you loathe the plan and how much you have exhausted yourself trying to figure out everything that you are struggling with. HE knows how long it has been, and HE is there. HE knows the healing HE has for you, the comfort that only HE can provide, and HE knows the precise moment of when you'll surrender to HIM and allow HIM to comfort you. HE knows HIS GOODNESS HE has planned for your life here in the land of the living. HE knows the way, HE IS the WAYMAKER, HIS HOLY PROMISES are TRUE and are made deeply personal just.for.you. You Dear One, Dear reader who is reading HIS words right now, are so deeply loved, SEEN, heard and known.
ALL FOR HIS GLORY
With so much love, empathy, and understanding,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
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