Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Glorious Future

As I sit here thinking about what happened to myself, and my family this past year, a mix of emotions comes over me.  From elation of finding our church home, to sadness as many tests, trials, and storms hit in our children's lives.  To an amazing, fun, summer, full of  family time, full of love, laughter, LIGHT, and precious memories.  To disappointment that we didn't to move to our forever home near our church, and learned the incredibly valuable lesson of waiting..... for HIS timing and HIS provision as they are so perfect.  To complete and total PEACE that we were being called to continue with homeschooling our precious five children.  To excitement for our oldest daughter to start driving school.  To total JOY and ELATION that the Holiday's were coming up, but first an amazing week of Birthday's and D and my sixteenth wedding anniversary.  To anticipation of Christmas and all the fun activities of which we were planning to do.  To thoughts of sledding as a family, and sitting together drinking hot cocoa watching the snow fall down, and praying that Daddy would have many snow days where he didn't have to work outside of our home.  So many emotions, ALL of which were a part of our plan, more specifically "my plan."  

In my humanness, I had this sort of arrogance about me that surely because I am HIS faithful servant, as I have proven to myself to be, NOTHING bad would happen to our family.  After all we were most certainly covered under the blood of JESUS CHRIST.  Over and over I thanked HIM for HIS FAITHFULNESS, and PRAISED HIM for HIS HOPE which HE filled us with each day, and PRAISED HIM for HIS favor constantly being poured over our family.  All the while oblivious to the most horrific, life altering event of my families life was just on the horizon.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the evil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."1 Peter 5:8

Then on one of the most memorable days of "my plan," tragedy struck, and the most devastating storm ripped through our family.  In just one breath our lives, our hearts were shattered.  In one breath our families lives were changed forever.  Death had coming knocking at our families door, and didn't wait for an invitation in, in prowled in like a thief, and stole our precious, innocent, beautiful blue eyed little almost two year old son.  In an instant he was here, and the next breath he was gone.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" John 10:10

For the past eleven weeks now, I've been struggling to understand, how, or why that "my plan" wasn't what HE wanted for our lives?  Over and over I begged, pleaded, and sometimes just plain yelled at GOD to PLEASE tell me WHY LORD, WHY, and begged and pleaded for HIM to PLEASE un-break ALL of our hearts.  To which HE responded by leading me straight into HIS word, and reminding me of our family verse, my life verse, my favorite Psalm, and then planting three new verse's deep into each and everyone of our families hearts.  

Family Verse:  ~ " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Life Verse:  ~ "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Favorite Psalm: "The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

New Family Verses: " Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God,  for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing—" Joel 2:13-14

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten" Joel 2:25

With these new verse's we began to pray in a way that we have NEVER prayed before.  Daily we have been praying over these verse's, and are SEEING HIS truth, HIS promises being lived out, poured out for each and everyone of us.   NOT only are we SEEING, but we are also experiencing, feeling, HIS love for each of us.  I can tell you for myself specifically I am being blessed double by HIM, almost daily.  

"Instead of your shame  you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace  you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours." Isaiah 61:7

HIS Daily Teachings today is filling me once again with HIS promises of HIS truth, that is being poured in me and through me, so that during this time of mourning the loss of my precious son, I will be able to look up and SEE HIS HOPE that is in front of me.  HE is reminding me once again that HE has an amazing future planned for our family, and that NOT even death can STOP the blessings HE has planned for each and everyone of us.

Today HE is teaching me another way of thinking when it comes to our families verse.  HE is telling me that in the past I have "thought" that as long as our, more specifically "my plans" seemed as if though they went along with HIS plans, then I understood, as well as I could in the flesh of what HOPE and a FUTURE means.  To be honest, I really "thought" HE was just going to bless our family because of our past tests, trials, and storms, and I was completely oblivious to HIS teachings, of what our family verse really meant for us.

HE is wanting me to know that though the enemy would like NOTHING more for me than to feel, experience, and live with anger, strife, hatred, weariness, and pain, HIS plans, HIS story includes a Glorious Future for myself, and my family.  HE is telling me that when HE thinks of me, HE thinks of PEACE, and that is when HIS PEACE is upon me.  HE is wanting me to know that HE knows how wrecked I feel inside, and that is WHY HE is constantly flooding me with HIS PEACE.

HE is telling me that HE has heard my cries for HELP in wanting so badly to SEE, experience, feel, and know of HIS JOY in my life once again. HE is telling me that I don't have to let my grief HIDE HIS JOY, that HIS JOY is there, always for me to claim, written specifically for my life, beautifully written, in the midst of the tragedy, tears, and heartache. HE is wanting me to know that the enemy is the ONLY one who is thinking ill thoughts of me, and for me, as he wants NOTHING more than to see me fall, fall hard, and ultimately give up, walk out, walk away from HIM, and HIS unconditional, undeniable, unending, unfailing, amazing LOVE and GRACE.

HE is wanting me to remember that when I allow the enemy's thoughts to creep in and steal my JOY, that is WHY HE began HIS Daily Teachings in May of 2013 so that I would be able to understand that my spiritual health, and well being depended on how right I would be thinking, and that is by choosing to let HIS HOLY SPIRIT teach, lead, and guide me to show me how to live according to HIS plans, HIS will, HIS purpose written specifically, beautifully, and perfectly for my life.

"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." John 14:26

HE is telling me that the only thing I need to know and remember, is that in order to fully understand what HIS word, HIS promise means for my Glorious Future, is that is depends, and relies fully on my complete and total, without waiver TRUST in HIM, and for HIM.  HE is letting me know that this is WHY HE began to teach me almost six years ago, to REST in HIM, and TRUST in HIM, which then lead to TRUST HIM, NOT just TRUST in HIM.  

I can honestly tell you that since Monday, October 13, 2014 the worst day of my life, HE has been there for me every single step of the way.  I can tell you that I have felt HIS love, HIS grace, and HIS peace being poured out for me, in me, and through me, so that I would NOT only survive the worst day of my life, rather I would be able to with HIM, and through HIM conquer the massive loss, pain, anguish, suffering, and heartache in losing my precious little boy.

HE is letting me know that HE is there always, and HE is very much aware, always aware of the darkness that is creeping in around me, and threatening to shut out, close out, and cover HIS light.  HE is letting me know that I NEVER have to fear being in darkness EVER again, as HIS light is so bright it even outshines the sun.  

"The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory." Isaiah 60:19

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

Today HE is telling me that I can relax, and rest in HIM, as HE is my refuge, HE is my source of comfort, hope, peace, grace, love, and mercy.  HE is wanting me to know that the attacks that I am under, are NOT going unnoticed, and when I TRUST HIM completely, that is when I will SEE all that HE is doing, has done, and will continue to do on my behalf.   HE is telling me that when I choose to TRUST HIM completely that is when I will be able to SEE HIS Glorious Plans, for my Glorious Future, FULL of HIS JOY, HIS PEACE, HIS LOVE, HIS GRACE, HIS FAVOR, and HIS abundance of BLESSINGS.

" May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13

HE is wanting me to know that NOT only can I TRUST but I can BELIEVE that HIS Glorious Plans, for my Glorious Future are indeed going to happen!!!  HE is telling me that I need to be eagerly anticipating, waiting.... on HIS timing, and praying audaciously for HIM to answer the cries of my heart, and give me the desires, that I have yet to even to realize I have.  That is how well HE knows me, and loves me, and that brings me tremendous comfort, and fills me with tremendous JOY, as I can finally SEE once again, HIS HOPE that is in front of me.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6

"I keep my eyes always on the Lord.  With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, I pray that if you don't know HIM by now, that in reading just a small portion of my story, you will have the courage to open the door of your heart to HIM.  I pray that when you do, HE will reveal HIS Glorious Plans for your very own Glorious Future, of which HE has written, specifically, beautifully, and perfectly for your life.   I pray that you will come to know and understand so that you can TRUST, rely on, press in and press through the happenings of your life, knowing BELIEVING that HE is for you and NOT against you.  I pray that you will come to SEE HIM as your SOURCE of comfort, strength,LOVE, HOPE, PEACE, GRACE, JOY, and Mercy.

always in love and prayers, with much grace, compassion and understanding,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

Sunday, December 28, 2014

nothing too difficult

Since surviving the worst day of my life, I have found myself in oceans of tears saying, "this is too hard GOD, this is too difficult..... I know I'm called to walk this journey, but I don't want to, it hurts too much."  Every single day since the worst day of my life, I have cried out to HIM, and have begged HIM to please unbreak my heart, bring back my JOY, and please take me out of this sorrow, sadness, pain, and anguish, LORD JESUS please lift me out, RESCUE me.

True to HIS promises to me, HE is leading me straight into HIS word, which is HIS Daily Teachings today by revealing to me, that with HIM, through HIM, in HIM, nothing is too difficult.  HE is letting me know that HE has heard, is hearing, and will continue to hear my cries for help.  HE is wanting me to know that it's not that HE doesn't care, it's that HE has already equipped me with what I am needing to conquer the sorrow, pain, sadness, and anguish that I am currently living.  HE is reminding me once again that HIS JOY is there, that just in my waking up this morning, I must remember that each and every single day is HIS gift of JOY to me.  All I have to do is open my eyes every single morning and choose to SEE HIS JOY.

"This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

HE is asking me to remember where we began in HIS Daily Teachings, and that is with Power Thoughts.  HE is letting me know that HE didn't teach, lead, and guide me through each of them, just so that I would know them for knowledge, rather HE did all of that because HE loves me enough to prepare me, to equip me with HIS word, HIS truth, so that when I would have to live through the worst day of my life, I would NOT only survive, but that I would be able to say that with HIM, through HIM, nothing is too difficult to conquer.

"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach." Deuteronomy 30:11

HE is wanting me to know that in the times where I feel as if though what I am going through is too hard, HE is telling me to lean in, press into, HIS word, HIS truth, and allow HIS HOLY SPIRIT to teach, lead, and guide, so that I will be able to navigate through the hard times, so that I will be able to persevere, and conquer the hard times in my life.  So that I will then be able to say, as I am HIS living vessel of TRUTH that with HIM I am more than a conqueror.  

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37

Today HE is taking me deep into HIS word in the book of Romans and showing me how all of the Power Thoughts that I have learned to apply to my life, are so that I will be able to NOT only read HIS word, but study HIS word, and meditate on HIS word, so that when I would have to NOT only survive the worst day of my life, I, Heather, would be able to conquer the worst day of my life.

HE is reminding me that the enemy would like NOTHING more for me to feel guilty that I am so needy of HIS Daily Teachings, so HE is letting me know that NOTHING could be further from the truth, as HIS word isn't so that I will feel bad for NOT understanding and doing exactly what HE calls me to do, but rather to encourage me that in the times where I feel so incredibly weak, I will know that HE is there, HE cares for me, and that FOREVER and EVER HE will remind me, and fill me with HIS truth that there is absolutely NO condemnation in CHRIST JESUS.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

Once again HE is reminding me that I have been anointed by HIS HOLY SPIRIT to speak HIS words, and LIVE out HIS truth.  HE is wanting me to know that whenever I can sense myself going into the mode of thinking that this is too hard, I must lean in and press into HIS word, in choosing to stand firm in my FAITH, that with HIM, NOTHING is too difficult.    That when I am feeling weak all I have to do is call on HIM, and HE will fill me with HIS strength.

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

HE is wanting me to always remember that when I chose to receive HIM into my heart, my life, by making the choice to be baptized, it was then that I was filled with HIS HOLY SPIRIT, and that is when my journey began, at least in my knowledge that I, Heather, a once broken, lost, sinner, am HIS child.  HE is telling me that if ever I feel as if though I don't matter in all of this sorrow, sadness, pain, and anguish, I must remember I am HIS child, I, Heather, am a child of GOD.

" For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God." Romans 8:14

HE is asking me today to NOT focus on my present sufferings, that my past, and current sufferings, don't even, and won't even compare to HIS glory that will be revealed in me.  This means that the reason why I know I am able to walk this journey of hard, is because with each and every single step I know that HE is with me, teaching, leading, and guiding me so that I will be in right standing with HIM.  

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

HE is telling me that the reason I am the writer of HIS Daily Teachings, is because HE is the Author of HIS Daily Teachings.  HE is once again reminding me that even though it may seem as if though everything that is happening in my life is to bring me pain, I must remember that there is a reason as to WHY HE has taken so much time to prepare me, to know that HIS plan, HIS will, HIS way, HIS timing, HIS provision, are absolutely perfect, that HE doesn't make a single mistake.  That even when it hurts, HE is still so incredibly good, and when I choose to keep my heart, soul, and mind focused on HIM, and HIS teachings, in HIS timing, HIS glory will be revealed, and that is when HE will wipe away every single tear of the oceans of tears that I have shed in my lifetime.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

HE is wanting me to remember HIS Daily Teachings when I am finding it too difficult to rely on my FAITH in HIM, so that I will remember and know that with HIM nothing is too difficult, that I, Heather, can and will survive, and conquer the worst day of my life.  HE is telling me that HIS Daily Teachings is being written when I allow myself to be led by HIS HOLY SPIRIT.  HE is the ONE WHO tells me what to type, and when to type it.  Since I began to write the blog, there has only been two times where I have deleted a full blog post, as it was self seeking, and NOT by HIM leading me to say what it is that HE is wanting me to share.

" In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." Romans 8:26-27

HE is reminding me once again that NOTHING that HE is teaching, leading, or guiding me through is to make things hard for me,or to punish me for my mistakes, but rather to do HIS good works, as I am HIS child, HE loves me, and I have been chosen, and have been equipped to live out HIS calling according to HIS purpose.  Simply put, HIS way, NOT my way.... always.  All because HE loves me, and has taken so much time to show me, to prepare me, to fill me, so that when I would live through, survive, the worst day of my life, I would be able to conquer ALL of the hard stuff that came with it.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. " Romans 8:28

Since losing my precious son, I have said that missing him is the hardest part.  I am ever so thankful and grateful for the many memories that HE has filled me with, that HE allowed me to experience, live through, and to keep buried deep in my heart with my sweet little boy. When I think back to my pregnancy with him, I remember how scared I was, as I had to be on twice weekly injections just to sustain the pregnancy.  In that time however, I depended more on HIM that I did the injections, that I prayed NON-stop, in fear that if I didn't something bad would happen.  HE is wanting me to know that HE wants me to pray in FAITH, not in fear.  HE is telling me that HIS plan isn't just to make my life hard, but rather to teach, lead, guide, and to grow me strong in my FAITH so that I would be HIS ambassador, HIS living vessel to share HIS message of HOPE that there is NOTHING to fear, that NOT even when you find yourself living through the worst day of your life, you will know that nothing is too difficult for HIM, that HE will make everything work for HIS good, and that when you choose to follow HIS will, HIS plan, HIS way for your life, HIS glory will SHINE through you for all the world to SEE.

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:5

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

It has been through HIS Daily Teachings that have learned, and am still learning, and will continue to learn that how I choose to live my life, is just as important as how I will choose to die.  In knowing that HIS plan, HIS will, HIS purpose has been written specifically for me, I must remember that it is of the utmost importance that even when it hurts, especially when it hurts, I must remember that ALL PRAISE HONOR and GLORY are HIS, and that I have been chosen to walk this journey, because HE knew, HE knows, that FOREVER I will be HIS, and in knowing that I know that I can live my life according to HIS purpose.  

Through each and every test, trial, and storm, I am even more convinced that I am to be HIS living vessel, so SHOUT IT, SCREAM it from the ROOFTOPS, that HE is GOD, and HIS is GOOD ALL of the time.  I am to be HIS light in this dark world, and be HIS messenger of TRUTH, to share HIS message of HOPE that HE is THE SAVIOR of the WORLD, that NOT even death could overtake HIM, that HE DEFEATED DEATH, that HE is there, HE loves us, that HE cares, and that HE has amazing plans for each and every single one of us.  That HE DEFEATED death so that we would be reconciled back to HIM and HIS FATHER in HEAVEN so that we would be able to live an eternal life.  ONE FILLED with happiness, HOPE, JOY, and unconditional LOVE.

Through HIS blood that HE shed for me, I am SAVED, I am RESCUED, I am REDEEMED, and it is now my responsibility to share that with the world HIS message of HOPE, that HE is our SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, and HE has OVERCOME the world.   In knowing that HE OVERCAME the world, HE is telling me that I too will OVERCOME this world, as HE is leading me through small victories through my FAITH so that I will be VICTORIOUS, and that my friends is something to SHOUT, and SCREAM about, to tell ALL of the world of WHAT HE has done, IS doing, and WILL continue to do, all because HE loves me.

" for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." 1 John 5:4-5

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, it is my prayer today that you will know that NOTHING is too difficult for HIM.  That even in the worst day of your life, HE is there, and HE will help you through it.  I pray that you will know that through HIM, with HIM to you will NOT only survive, but you will conquer what the enemy is trying to take you out with.  I pray that you will have the courage to seek HIM in your tears, anguish, heartache, and pain.  Through your sorrow you will have the courage to admit that without HIM you can't do anything,  and HE will show you, through HIS unconditional, relentless love for you, that with HIM you CAN do anything, and everything.  I pray today that you will choose to let go of your way, seek HIS way, and give HIM your heart.  I pray that HIS favor and blessings be poured over your life today in your obedience to HIM.  

Much love, prayers, compassion, understanding, and grace,

your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather 

Saturday, December 27, 2014

what happens when.....

Almost twelve weeks ago now, HE began to work deep in my heart forgiveness that needed to be cultivated in my heart, however, in my humanness, I fought HIM, hard..... stubbornly that I wasn't going to forgive anyone else for any wrongs they have done to me.  Especially since HE was asking me to forgive my birth mother.  I won't go into the details of all the reasons why I didn't want to forgive her, there are other posts written about that, but what I will tell you HE began to work over my heart, and brought me to my knees.  By the end of the week, HE had me writing a letter of love and forgiveness.

I can tell you that almost instantly when I sent that letter off, I felt relief.  The kind of relief that lifted decades of burdens off my back and shoulders.  Lifted so much hurt, pain, and anguish off of me, that I was able to really smile for the first time.  I spent that day Sunday October 12, 2014 with my husband D and our precious five children.  We truly had the BEST day.  That night as we tucked our precious little one's into bed, we had no idea just how much our lives were going to change that very next day.  

I woke up on the Morning of October 13, 2014 excited!  Ready to take on the world with HIM leading me.  I finally felt so incredibly free, so free that I stood in my office with my precious just two days shy of his second birthday son at my side.  I threw my hands high into the air and said, "LORD I will do whatever YOU ask of me.  I will do whatever YOU want me to do, whenever YOU ask me to do something, whatever YOU call me to do, I will do.  I love YOU LORD, I trust YOU LORD, I give my life to YOU.  LORD I'm ALL in!"  

Afterwards I went upstairs to get ready for the day, and that is when I stood in front of my mirror and saw myself smile for the very first time in my life.  At the age of 36, I, Heather once captive knew that ALL the hard stuff from my childhood, teen years, and young adult years were behind me.  I knew that I had received the complete breakthrough I had been praying for since May 24, 2013.  

Feeling so happy and carefree, I smiled one last time, looked myself over in the mirror told myself I looked good, snapped a selfie, and posted it to instagram online.  That would be the last time that I would smile that way.  It would be just five short hours later that my whole world would be shattered, shook up, and dumped upside down.  

For the past almost 11 weeks now I have been living a true living nightmare.  It would be at 4pm that afternoon that I would find my precious almost two year old son's lifeless body laying in his bed, and would realize that I was going to be on a new journey of what happens when.....

HIS Daily Teachings began on the dreary, raining, life altering day that I would learn that my children truly are NOT my own, that they are indeed HIS, and only HE knows their lifespan, and that there is NOTHING that I could EVER do to change that.  That is the day that HE began to teach me about what happens when......... your worst nightmare becomes your reality?

For the past almost 11 weeks now I have learned what standing firm in my FAITH truly means.  I can tell you that NEVER have I ever hand to lean in, and press into my FAITH so intensely, intentionally, and readily.  I can tell you that my FAITH in HIM for HIM has truly been my life line.  Since that tragic day, I have had to learn what happens when....... was going to be the next chapter of my journey towards wholeness with HIM, and undoubtedly the hardest chapter of my journey that I have ever had to endure.  NEVER again would I say so lightly, this is the worst day ever....... I can tell you I have lived through the worst day ever. 

HE is asking me to share with you all what I have learned about what happens when your worst day ever happens, what will you do?  How will you act?  Will you run?  Will you stay? Will you curse HIM?  Will you question HIM?  Will you give up?  Will you close the door to your heart forever?  I can tell you ALL of those questions came across my mind, and because HE loves me so deeply, HE began to take me through each question, and spoke HIS truth to me, so that I would be able to answer what happens when......

Within the first few hours of people learning the tragedy that had struck our family of 7, scripture, love, support, calls, texts, messages began to pour in.  One scripture in particular kept being sent, and honestly until now I really didn't believe it, nor did I really feel it.  However, since HE is so incredibly patient with me, and is relentless in HIS pursuit of my heart, HE made sure that I was bombarded with HIS word, everywhere I turned to look.  

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted  and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

HIS word was being poured into me, and the more I heard it, read it, and "tried" to trust it, the more I hurt, as I kept finding myself asking the question, "WHY LORD? WHY did YOU break my heart? WHY when I have always done whatever YOU have asked of me? WHY do I have to give up my son?" Even though I didn't realize it at first, I would later realize through HIS loving guidance, through our many talks, that even though I didn't want to admit it, I was indeed angry with HIM, and because of my anger I wasn't able to fully grasp HIS word, HIS promise, HIS truth for my life that through HIM I will survive this tragedy, and not only will I survive, but I WILL conquer the sorrow, sadness, and pain, and when I do that I will be able to fully understand HIS word, and what it means for my life.

Today HE is asking me to share what HIS word means to me. When I read that above scripture, I can now smile, because I know that HE truly does love me. I know this because when all I could feel was anger at HIM, the harder, and the more HE loved me. The more HE made sure that I would SEE HIM in every single detail of this chapter of my journey towards wholeness with HIM.

Through HIS word I have learned that NO matter how much I am hurting, I know that I can TRUST HIM, that I know that HE is there.  NOT only can I trust HIM, but I can BELIEVE HIM when HE says to me that HE is there to help me, and that HE will NEVER forsake me.  I have learned the hardest way possible that my way is NOT HIS way...... I have had to learn what happens when..... HIS plan is so FAR different from anything I would have chosen to happen in my life.  I have had to learn what happens when...... tragedy strikes, is HE still good?  Does HE still love me?  Does HE still have my best interest at heart?  All of the questions I can answer with a RESOUNDING YES!!!!!

I can tell you that there have been moments in the weeks since my precious son was called HOME where I was afraid I would NEVER be able to stop crying.  However, since HE loves me so much, HE made sure that I would be surrounded by people WHO would courageously speak HIS truth into me, so that in my moments of intensely deep sorrow, I would know that HE was there, comforting me, helping me, holding me, and crying right along with me.  It was then that I learned that HE truly is the GOD of ALL comfort.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings,so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

I just love how comforting HIS word is to my weary aching soul, that just when I need it, HIS word is there, to soothe and comfort me.  So that when my time of mourning is over, I will be able to comfort others who mourn in the same way.  I will be able to HIS living vessel by being HIS messenger of HOPE, that they too can survive, and conquer, what happens when..... their worst nightmare becomes their reality.

I can tell you that I still incredibly angry, only I'm NOT angry at HIM, rather I am furious with the enemy for all the HELL that he has "tried" to wipe me out with in my lifetime.  I am angry, and am so incredibly excited, giddy even, for the day when my Abba, my Daddy, my GOD, my Protector, my Creator WILL fight in vengeance for everything that has been inflicted upon me.  HE will FIGHT for me, and that for me is ALL the reason I NEED to NEVER give up, to keep RUNNING so that I WILL persevere with HIM, and in running, I will be taking thousands of people with me, if not millions.  

Forever I will RUN to achieve my ultimate goal of being called HOME, and HIM holding me in HIS arms, and saying to me, "Well done good and FAITHFUL servant."

" Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

"“His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!" Matthew 25:21

Today I am HIS messenger of HOPE, and I am here to tell you that even if you doubt it, I can promise you that with HIM, you too will be able to survive and conquer, what happens when...... your worst nightmare becomes your reality.  I know this to be TRUE, as I am living it, every single day.

" The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives,  pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace—a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies— and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,  give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness”  planted by God to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They’ll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new.You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks and foreigners to work your fields, But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,” honored as ministers of our God. You’ll feast on the bounty of nations, you’ll bask in their glory. Because you got a double dose of trouble and more than your share of contempt,Your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever." Isaiah 61:1-7 The Message Bible

Today I am so incredibly thankful and blessed to be able to share with all of you that all of the faults and mistakes that I have made and had in my past, HE has truly REDEEMED me, and I am able to declare that HE is good, ALL of the time. Today I rest easy in HIS word, knowing that my precious son is safe in HIS loving arms, and that the tenacity that the enemy would use for evil, HE is now using for HIS good.

Today HE is having me look up synonyms for tenacity, and this is what I found: "

persistence, determination, perseverance, strength of purpose, tirelessness, resolution, resoluteness, resolve,firmness, patience, purposefulness,, steadfastness, staying power, endurance"

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

I can tell you that all of the above is apart of my life, NOT because of anything that I have done on my own, but rather through HIS Daily Teachings for the past year and a half, that have prepared me for the hardest, toughest, part of my journey, in this life. I can tell you that NOT only do I TRUST HIM with everything, but I truly do BELIEVE everything HE tells me, as I know that HE truly is doing HIS good work in me, and through me, to reach the masses of the last, the least, and the lost. That through being HIS FAITHFUL, HUMBLE, SERVANT, LIVING VESSEL, I, Heather am able to be HIS true messenger of HOPE in this broken, fallen, and lost world.

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, oh dear friends I pray for each of your hurting hearts. I pray that each of you will come to know that HE truly is the GOD of ALL comfort, that HE is there, and that HE cares for and loves each and every single one of you deeply. I pray that my testimony, my story, will be HIS message of HOPE that if you find yourself living the question "what happens when....... your worst nightmare becomes your reality," that you will be able to press into, lean into HIM, by standing firm in your FAITH in HIM to know that HE is right there with you, holding you, helping you, waiting for you to cry out to HIM, so that HE can show you just how deeply HE cares for and loves you. I pray today that if you too are so incredibly heartbroken, you will know that HE is close to you, HE cares, HE will take away ALL of your pain. I pray today that you will have the courage to open your heart to HIM, seek HIM, talk to HIM, and share your heart with HIM, even if all that you are is angry at HIM. I pray that when you do, HE will fill you with HIS unconditional, unfailing, unending, relentless love.

Much love, prayers, compassion, understanding, and grace,

Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,

~ Heather