Wednesday, July 31, 2013

"through the storm"

As I was sitting down this morning and getting ready to write out my blog a song that we sing quite often at my church came to mind. "I have decided to follow Jesus No turning back, No turning back."  This song is so true for my life, as I won't turn my back to my "past life" as there is NOTHING there for me.  I know that I must press forward through the storms of my life, and allow HIM to teach, lead, and guide me every single moment of my life.

I remember a time in my life where all I felt was worthless.  I felt as if though nothing mattered in my life, and I didn't matter to anyone.  I often wondered that if I were to die would anyone even miss me?  Before long my thoughts were so morbid and sad, that I would just sit and cry.  Soon I would feel as if though no one truly cared for me.  I know that by allowing my thoughts to be so morbid and sad, that I missed out on so many blessings in my life.  I know that by allowing myself to stay trapped in sadness, I missed out on the joy that there was to be found. 

A Little over 3 years ago was one of the toughest most darkest storms of my life.  I was strong in my faith, and was allowing myself to be taught how to pray by allowing HIS HOLY SPIRIT to speak through me. I had gotten control of my health, and had lost almost 35 pounds.  I was "on fire" for the LORD and was ready to be used, and ready to have HIM lead me.  Then one day when I went to get my daily run in, I noticed that I was short of breath within the first two minutes of my run.  I was dizzy, and felt as if though I was going to be sick.  I quickly thought about what I had done different that morning, and the night before, and I couldn't see a break in my routine.  I remember saying something to D and he said, "oh your not pregnant are you?"  I remember laughing and saying, "Oh come on you can't be serious of course I'm not."  Two days later the thought came to my mind, "am I pregnant?"  

Sure enough two pregnancies tests confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.  This was my 6th pregnancy and would be my 5th child.  I immediately called the doctor to make my first prenatal appointment and began to pray for my pregnancy.  For the first time in my life, I prayed for the little life inside of me right away.  I remember asking GOD what this little ones personality would be like?  How he or she would fit into our family?  I praised HIM and thanked HIM, that even though it wasn't even on my radar to have another baby, I was thankful that HE chose me to be Mama to another one of HIS children.

Within two weeks I went to the doctor, and I will never forget having my first sonogram and see that little heart beating, and being told, "Congratulations Heather, you are indeed pregnant."  I left my doctors office feeling so happy that day.  The excitement was overwhelming, and D and I couldn't wait to share our happy news with our family and friends.  I remember sitting in church on that Sunday morning and feeling as if though something were wrong.  I soon discovered that I was bleeding, not heavy, but I was bleeding.  With this being my 6th pregnancy I had only bled in one other pregnancy and that was my first miscarriage.  My thoughts began to be depressing, and I remember praying so heavily for the little life inside of me.  

By Monday morning I knew something was terribly wrong and I while I was getting ready to go for another sonogram I began to hemorrhage.  I remember laying on the table once again and holding D's hand as the tears silently fell.  I remember the tech holding her breath, and then with elation saying, "Look Mama there's your little one."  Sure enough on the screen was the little beating heart.  I left my doctors office that day diagnosed with Subchorionic Hematoma.  This meant the placenta had tore away from the uterine wall.  Our precious little one had survived and I was put on strict bed rest.  I was also being tested to see if I needed hormone injections.  

Sadly two days later I went into labor, and D and I lost our 2nd precious little one.  At first I told myself that it wasn't meant to be, and that I would be ok, I just needed to get back into my routine.  Slowly however, without even realizing it, I began to sink into a deep pit of depression.  In going through that season of depression it was one of the darkest most loneliest times I have ever experienced in my life.  My depression kept me in bed for weeks, and  I missed out on so many teachable moments with my children.  In allowing myself to stay depressed I lost control of my home as Mama. By allowing myself to stay depressed I changed the whole dynamic of my family.

Thankfully GOD knew, and captured my heart once again, and slowly I began to get my mind off feeling depressed and got my mind set on all of my blessings.  I know that if I allow my thoughts to be centered around all of the bad things and injustices I have received in my life time, well quite frankly I won't want to get out of bed.  I know that I must choose to be positive, and remind myself of all the blessings in my life, and just how far I have come in my journey towards wholeness.

"We have the ability to cheer ourselves up no matter what our circumstances are."

I know that it is easy to maintain feeling like a victim when I "feel" as if though I "can't" control what happens to me.  I know that by allowing myself to be a victim, I open the door to "woe is me."  I send out the invitations of, "Hey come join my pity party, hosted by me, and is all about me!"  I know that when I "throw" myself a pity party I am really throwing a "pity me I am a victim" celebration. However, GOD wants me to have a victory celebration!

"And provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness,  a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3

"What GOD offers us is greater than anything the enemy offers."

I know I must choose to praise HIM through the storms of my life.  I must choose to seek joy in all situations that I am in my life.  I must not be lazy and just pray for my life to change, I must be willing to do the work to change my life.  I must choose to align my thoughts to HIS will for my life.  

I have learned that no matter what my circumstances may be I must always trust HIM whether or not I "feel" like it, no matter if I am living in good times or in bad.  I have decided to follow JESUS and ask HIM daily to teach, lead, and guide through every moment of my life.  GOD has asked me to cling to my faith tenaciously through all of the storms of my life.

I know that my life is a living testament that GOD can, will, and does carry you through the storms of life.  HE has, and is using me as a vessel to reach the broken and the lost.  Therefore I will rejoice and be glad for the life that HE has chosen for me. I know that my joy is in JESUS and not in my circumstances.  I know that when I start to "feel" down I must ask myself where those feelings are coming from.  I know that I must direct my thoughts to praising HIM as I know HE will bring me through the storm I am in, and I must seek HIS joy regardless of how I may "feel."

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God,for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. " Psalm 42:5

I know I  must  praise HIM through the storms of my life and I must practice waiting patiently for HIS timing.  I know that since I need practice in patience, HE will present many opportunities in my life for practice.  This is one of the biggest areas that I struggle in, is waiting for HIS timing, and keeping a good attitude while waiting.  However I know that I must fight the good fight through my faith in HIM, and I must remember that HE is always with me through the storm.

I pray today that if you going through the storm, that you know you are not along.  I pray today that you seek HIM and allow HIM to renew your mind to be set on the blessings of your life.  I pray today that you will surrender and let HIM teach, lead, and guide you.  I pray today that you will be filled with a hope that surpasses anything of this world that can only come from HIM.  I pray today that you will cling to your faith, and keep your eyes on HIM as you go through the storm.


Tuesday, July 30, 2013


All around me everyday I come in contact with people who are hurting. There isn't a day that goes by that my heart isn't feeling heavy for someone and their loss. Whether it is a marriage separation, divorce, loss of job, loss of loved one it seems as if though loss is all around me. Today's HIS Daily Teachings is about loss, and how we as CHRIST followers should be full of compassion for those who are hurting. Today's reading listed 7 different types of losses:

1. Death of a spouse ~ now I'll be honest in saying that I don't have a clue in what to say or how to act, there just are no words. Whenever this happens, I just say I'm here for you when you need me. You can call me anytime, even if you don't want to talk, but aren't wanting to feel alone. I will sit silently and pray. Sometimes praying is all you can do. Sometimes there just aren't any words.

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

2. Divorce ~ this is something that is happening everywhere I go. I have seen so many marriages fall apart, in our church, family, friends, neighbors, sadly the list goes on and on. The only thing I know for certain is that GOD is in the business of building marriages, and not tearing them down. I know that D and I have been called to be minister's of marriage as we have been through hard times, and with JESUS at the center we have come through it all. Though it hasn't always been easy, through prayer, determination, and hard work we have made it.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" Hebrews 13:5

3. Marital Separation ~ so often I come in contact with people who are separated and the advice they are receiving is to walk away from marriage. They seek advice from those who have been through divorce, or who are single. I know that the worst thing someone could do is seek advice from someone who is against marriage. I know this first hand as D and have been on divorces doorstep. No one in our families knew that we were there until long after JESUS became the center of our marriage. We sought help through our church, and prayed daily for each other, our daughters. I wish I could say it was easy, but it was one of the hardest times to get through. We got through it because of compassion from GOD, HIS grace was all sufficient for us to get through the hardest part of our marriage.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

4. Imprisonment ~ I have known several people in my life who's loved one is in jail. It can be a dark lonely time, not only for the prisoner, but also for the family on the other side of the bars. I know that I am called to not judge someone by their sins, but rather hate the sin, and love the sinner. I know in HIS eyes absolutely no one person's sin is greater than any other sin.

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23

5. Death of a close family member ~ I just went through this last year myself. I know that the words that comforted me were the ones who didn't tell me to just be happy, and hurry up and get through it. I held onto the words of compassion that were spoken in love, from those whose hearts were hurting just because mine hurt. Last summer I lost the greatest woman of faith I have ever known. She was 95 years young, and she was my Gram. She was the first person to teach me about compassion, and she left an amazing legacy of how to live with HIS grace, love, kindness, gentleness, compassion, and forgiveness. I pray that one day I will leave that same legacy to my family.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

6. Personal injury or illness ~ some of the strongest people I know and who have the most compassion are those who are living with terminal illnesses. They have more faith, and more compassion of anyone I know. It is through their faith that their lives are a living testament for everyone around them. It is through their faith that HE is reaching the lost and the broken. In my lifetime I have seen so many people come to CHRIST through the faith of someone who is terminally ill.

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense" Isaiah 12:2

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

7. Dismissal from work ~ everywhere I look people are losing their jobs. People who have been at their jobs for years, decades even, are losing their jobs. Job loss takes away a person's sense of security, and eats away at a person's self esteem, especially when that person is the breadwinner for their family. A lot of times families have to seek assistance, and that is a difficult thing to admit because of a persons pride. When someone is prideful, I know I must understand where that pride is coming from, and NOT judge them. I must be compassionate for their loss, and extend a loving, and helping hand. I truly believe that this is when it is CRUCIAL to be seen as the "Hands and Feet" of JESUS. I am to love them as JESUS loves them, no matter what!

" Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God" 1 John 4:7

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I know that with each type of loss there are stages of grief, and I should NEVER try to rush someone through them. I know that HE will bring healing and comfort to them in HIS timing, not mine. I know that even though I "think" I am helping, all I'm doing is making them feel even worse. GOD wants me to have a heart of compassion and to say things like: "I can't imagine how you feel, but I want you to know I am very sorry that you're going through so much." ; "Anytime you want to talk, I want to be there for you. I may not know what to say, but I'll listen with love." ; "How are you doing?" This I have learned that if you ask it, mean it, and be ready to hear the answer! " I wish you didn't have to go through this." ; "I want you to know that I am praying for you." I should be filling them with words of comfort and compassion and not try and down play their grief by saying, "I know how you feel" This to me is the worst thing you could say to someone who is grieving as you couldn't possibly know how they feel as you are NOT them. "It's time to get on with your life" Hmmm I'll say heartless much? I must remember it is in HIS timing NOT mine "You're so strong.... you can handle it." In other words oh well if it had to happen to someone, at least it happened to you as you can take it..... wow insensitive. I have actually had those words spoken to me during my time of loss. I remember when I miscarried people said things like, "Oh well at least you have other children so you can love them, and not be empty handed..... WOW.... did this person really just say that?!?

I have learned in my lifetime that loss in inescapable, and we all suffer through it. I have learned what to do and say to someone who is grieving, and I have learned the importance of compassion. I have learned that HIS grace is all sufficient during my time of loss, and learned the true power of forgiveness in HIM.

I pray today that if you are grieving that you know you are not alone. I pray that if you are on the receiving end of harsh judgement or criticism I pray that you will run into HIS loving arms, and fill yourself with HIS truth, love, compassion, and grace. I pray today that HE will place people in your life to lift you with encouraging and loving words. I pray today that you will seek solace in HIM.



Monday, July 29, 2013

living by faith

Since I have become a CHRIST follower there have been many times that I have been asked, "how do you live by faith?"  Honestly I don't think I could really understand what truly living by faith meant until I decided I needed to surrender completely 74 days ago.  It wasn't until I was willing to admit that I couldn't live another moment without HIS guidance, teachings, and love, leading me through every step of my journey.

Seventy-four days ago I was completely lost.  I was getting to the end of our homeschooling year, one of which was my toughest yet.  I was now a Mama of five beautiful children, all with their own personalities and needs.  I wasn't a very good wife to D, as I was growing very impatient with him.  I wasn't a faithful follower of CHRIST JESUS as I would pray, and then I would complain that my prayers weren't being answered.  I attended church every week, and cried the entire time I was there.  I knew something had to change, only I wasn't willing to let that "something" be me.

Well as you have read in my previous blogs GOD captured my heart once again, only this time it was much more intense than ever before.  It was if though HE was saying to me, "It's time Heather, it's time that you really truly learn to live by faith in me, and TRUST me with EVERYTHING."  I wish I could say I was totally on board, but in my own humanness I resisted, I made excuses, I drug my feet, and flat out "refused" to be the one to change.  Hmmm, humble pie you ask, here you go, how about a whole pie for you dine on while I teach you about trusting me.

When I first started my bible study my heart wasn't living by faith.  I even started reading the book a week prior and promptly stated, "Hmm well GOD I think you got this one ALL wrong, I don't need this book, I don't have these issues."  It was right after that, I went through one of the worst most painful attacks on my health.  Through that attack HE brought me to my needs, and got my eyes focused on HIM, and obediently I picked up that book once again, and began to read.  Wholeheartedly I read, faithfully I read, and as I read HE began a good work in my life.

I read the book Power Thoughts in 43 days, and in those 43 days GOD totally transformed my heart in how I was to be a Wife, Mama, and CHRIST follower.  HE let me know under NO circumstances am I EVER to think that I did this on my own.  I know that by living by my faith in HIM is what transformed me. I know that through my obedience I received healing in areas I didn't even realize I was hurt.  I know that in choosing to live by faith I became who HE wants me to become.  However, I know that I am still a work in progress, as I am not perfect, and will always need HIM to teach, lead, and guide me EVERY moment of my life.

One area of my life that GOD wanted to change was my ability to declare boldly WHOSE I am.  I know that because of my past and feelings of abandonment and conditional love, I wasn't able to fully grasp who I am in "HIS" eyes.  It has been through HIS HOLY SPIRIT that HE has opened my eyes to see myself in the way that HE sees me.  In declaring WHOSE I am I know that I must never be ashamed to say WHOSE I am, and all that HE has done for me.  I must choose to live my life with faith in HIM.

I also learned the importance of understanding how amazing HIS grace truly is.  I have learned that GOD's grace is sufficient enough to meet all of my needs.  Joyce Meyer writes: "Grace is the power of the HOLY SPIRIT coming to us freely, enabling us to do with ease what we could never do on our own."  I know that without my Faith in HIM I wouldn't be where I am today.  Rory Comtois sings a song about HIS amazing grace, and how powerful HIS love and mercy is.  "Not For Grace" is a song that I hold deep in my heart, and sing it often. "Where would I be, YOU only know, I'm glad you see, through eyes of love.  A hopeless case, and empty place, if not for grace."  I can't imagine where I would be today if NOT for HIS grace.  I know that had I not opened the door to HIM 10 years in my life, I most likely would not be here. I was so ready to give up on living, as it was too painful to even think of taking another breath.  Even though I loved my children so very much, and I loved my husband, I was so hurt, in a way that I couldn't even describe.  I felt hopeless, and felt like I was nothing, and would only be nothing forever.  I am so glad that HE saw me, and loved me enough to rescue me, and save me from my own private hell I had been living in.  I know that living by my faith is the only way I can truly live.

I know that living by faith means that I must abandon any and all thoughts and "feelings" of fear.  For I know that when I live my life that is fear generated by Satan, I take his path for my life, and not GOD's path for my life.  I know that GOD's path for my life is the road that leads to complete victory.

It has been through my prayers that HE began a good work in me, when I asked HIM to teach, lead, and guide me daily, HE showed up, and showed up BIG in my life.  He asked me to "GO BIG" and began creating me in a courageous and patient heart.  I must choose to be patient in waiting for HIS timing for the blessings in my life.  I am to be patient while waiting for the storms of my life to pass, as HE's already been through them and knows the outcome.  I know that HE has already gone ahead and won the battle for me, all that is required of me is complete obedience and patience on my part, and HE can, will and does lead me to complete victory!

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:14-16

GOD is not only asking me to be patiently waiting, HE is also asking me to have a good attitude while waiting.

"Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:22-24

As I was journaling this morning these thoughts came to mind: I must NEVER say after praying, "HE is not answering my prayers."  I know that while HE may not be answering them in "my" time, HE does answer them in "HIS" time, it just may not be the way I wanted them answered.  

I know that when I do mess up and, well boy do I ever mess up.... I am thankful that HIS grace is all sufficient.  I must choose to confess all of my sins, seek HIS forgiveness, and surrender all of me and allow HIM to renew my faith and my mind.  I must never feel hopeless as HIS mercies are new EVERY morning.  

I must choose to live each day with faith and to make each day I am blessed to live count!  I must choose to live each of my day's with the goal of glorifying GOD in everything I say and do.  As my Pastor at church says, "make JESUS name FAMOUS in this world!"  

I must be obedient through my faith in HIM.  I know that living by faith I will follow HIM and do whatever HE tells me to do, whether I "feel" like it or not.

"True Faith does what GOD asks it to do."

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

Being still is one of my biggest struggles, as I grow impatient very quickly.  I am thankful that GOD knows me well enough to create in me a patient heart.  I know that at every opportunity HE allows my patience to be tested.  I know that until I surrender completely and follow HIS commands with complete obedience I will not be able to obtain total patience.

I can say with complete confidence that I am living proof of how GOD will give you the strength you need to get through anything. 

 "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

I know that living by my faith is the only thing that is truly good and pleasing to GOD.  I must NOT let fear lead me, as it is NOT the truth. I know that only GOD's word is the truth!  

"Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them." Jeremiah 1:17

I know that I can't do anything without HIS help, and that HE will give me all the courage that I need to be completely obedient and truly live by my faith.  Today's decision and confession is: I will be courageous and not let emotions of fear control me.

I pray today that you aren't living by faith that you will seek HIM to lead you through your life.  I pray for you to be given an obedient heart, a heart that is full of desire to do what is good and pleasing to HIM.  I pray today that you will receive HIS love and grace in your life, so HE can begin a good work in you.  I pray today is the day you will choose to live by faith.



Sunday, July 28, 2013

"comfort zone"

When I first heard the song by Casting Crowns "Voice of Truth" I imagined what my life would be like, if I truly lived that way.  The first few lines of the song really resonate with me now during HIS Daily Teachings: " Oh what I would do to have The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in Onto the crashing waves. To step out of my comfort zone. To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is.   And He's holding out his hand."  I was singing that song in my head when I finished up today's bible study, and thought about what that song means to my life.  The chorus of this song I think really solidifies what HE is trying to teach me about conquering my fears, and allowing HIM to bring me out of my "comfort zone" to do so.  "But the voice of truth tells me a different story.  And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"  And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth."

I remember sitting in the auditorium of Willow Creek Community Church and hearing someone's testimony of How Jesus rescued them, and how much Jesus is working in their lives.  How it took them stepping out of their "comfort zones," to see how much HE loved them, and wanted to use their lives as a living testament to reach others.  I remember thinking "when GOD, when will I feel you using me?"  "When will I stop hurting from all the wrong that has been done to me?"  This past Spring when I was finally ready to listen, HE finally answered me.  I knew the time was "NOW" but first HE was going to ask me to "GO BIG."

I had no idea what it meant to "GO BIG," however, I knew I couldn't stay standing where I was, living in my little comfortable bubble.  Little did I know my bubble was about to be burst in a HUGE way.  D and I were a part of an amazing small group of people at our church.  It was a mixture of couples and singles, and we all got along great.  Every other Friday we would show up with our contribution to either beverages or snacks, and get to hang out with some of the most awesome down-to-earth people we have ever met.  Each month we were there helping each other, and celebrating birth's of babies, anniversary's, birthdays, you name it.  We even had Thanksgiving dinner together.  We were happy, living in our "comfort zones." However, in church our Pastor was talking about GOD using us, how HE doesn't want us to just be comfortable.  I didn't have any idea what that meant for us, but one thing I do know for sure, when you ask, HE will answer.  

This past January a meeting was held at our church concerning the size of our "small group."  The truth was, our group was anything but "small."  However most of us were happy with it that way.  Several people left the group to start a single's group and our "small group" then became a couples group.  Again we were excited, as we loved our group and we were "comfortable."  As the meeting progressed I started hearing a lot about taking us out of our "comfort zones," and I began to ask GOD, "is this what you are wanting of me?"  Within the next week, HE touched both D and my heart and asked us both to "GO BIG."

D and I have been leading our own "small group" for the past 6 months.  Every week I am amazed at how much HE has grown our faith in HIM.  Every week HE has given me the strength I didn't even know I had. There hasn't been a week that HE hasn't asked me to step-out of my "comfort zone" and share my testimony with others.  I know that without my past, I wouldn't be able to minister to the "brokenhearted" people in my life.  

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

In early May I began to read a book called "Power Thoughts" by Joyce Meyer.  I could really relate to the things she was saying in her book.  GOD knew it was the "right" time, "HIS" time to ask me to go even bigger than just ministering to our "small group."  What started out as an accountability for me on Facebook in writing whatever HE was teaching me that day, and how it pertained to my life, people started responding. Before I knew it people were contacting me, and talking to me about how they never though of things that way, or how they could relate to the struggles I have, or have had.  It became very clear to me, that this was the start of something "BIG."  

I started feeling confident of HIS good works in me, and was praising HIM, "Wow GOD look at through my  "hot mess" how YOU are reaching others."  It wasn't long after that I received probably one of the scariest callings of my life, and that was to start this blog.  I knew I was supposed to, I had received a lot of encouragement to do so, but I was afraid.  Afraid of taking time away from  my family, afraid of what people might think of me, afraid that I might over-share and bore people, or scare people.  Afraid of stepping out of my "comfort zone," and letting HIM use my hurts, and pains for HIS glory.  I was afraid that if people knew the "real" me they wouldn't like me, and well honestly it doesn't sit very well with me when people don't like me.  

I began to pray "Lord if this is what you want me to do, well, I'm not sure I can."  I began to come up with all of the excuses that I could muster, and EVERY time, HE answered in a way that I could NOT argue.  I have learned for the past 43 days that GOD can, will, and does do what HE says HE will do.  HE will give me the strength, EVERY TIME.  I know all I have to do is ask, and it will be given to me.  

On the first day of writing my blog I was so nervous.  I kept thinking, "What on earth am I going to write about, and eh, GOD did  you forget something? I am NOT a writer."  Well, as you can see that although in my own humanness I may not be a writer, but when I am HOLY SPIRIT lead I am a writer.  I am amazed at myself some days that HIS Daily Teachings were written by me.  I can't begin to tell you how many days I have sat at my computer in the early morning hours wondering what HIS Daily Teachings would be for that day.  As soon as my doubt of being able to write would set in, HE would play a song in my head, or an image would flash, or a story would come to mind.  

I know that had I not stepped-out of my "comfort zone" HIS Daily Teachings wouldn't be a reality in my life, and the lives of those that HE is reaching.  I know that GOD doesn't want me to be just "comfortable."  HE wants me to live boldly, with a FAITH that is ON FIRE for HIM.  A faith that is unwavering, and isn't afraid to share the good works that HE is doing in me.  I know that without my past there would be no HIS Daily Teachings. I know that even though GOD didn't deliver me from the abuse that I suffered as a child, HE has used it for HIS glory, by creating in me a courageous heart.  A heart that could only be created when I was willing to step-out of my "comfort zone."

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:10-11

Today I am thankful for all my past pain and sufferings as they have made me who I am today.  I am thankful that I am able to pick up and carry my cross daily, and do what HE calls me to do.  I am thankful today that HE is using me to reach so many lives with HIS Daily Teachings.

I pray today that you will step-out of your "comfort zone."  That you will "GO BIG" when HE asks that of you.  I pray today for you to allow for HIM to create in you a courageous heart, with unwavering faith.  I pray today that you will receive the power of HIS touch in your life, and that you will let HIM renew and refine your heart, soul, and mind.  I pray today that you allow HIM to begin HIS good works in you!


Saturday, July 27, 2013


In the Spring of 2005 I was too terrified to leave my house.  I had three little girls, and GOD was taking me through one of the biggest storms of my life.  D would leave for work every morning, and I would close up our home like Fort Knox.  I rarely answered the door, and I never went anywhere without D.  This went on for months, as I was so driven by fear, of the unknown, my past.  It was irrational, I knew that, but I just couldn't get past that.  GOD however like always had a plan for me to overcome my fears and began to create in me a courageous heart.

The first step of my journey of being courageous was admitting to everything that happened to me growing up.  By admitting to it all, I had to confess to my family, and unlock the door to some of my deepest darkest secrets.   I know now that it was my first step towards freedom.  The second step was attending intense therapy sessions twice a week.  This is where I met one of the most incredibly courageous women I will ever know.  Her name was Sheryl, and she was Heaven sent to me.  She helped me sort through a huge mess that was my life.  She helped me understand why things happened the way they did to me.  She encouraged me every step of the way for 9 months to be courageous.  To overcome my past, so I could be a Wife, and Mama to D and our girls.  The third step was facing my irrational fear of going out alone, whether it was during the day or at night.  I would like to say that it was easy to overcome, however it was very difficult.  Often times I would start out great, but then I would lose my courage, and fall back into my own pit of despair.  Though it took many years for me to overcome my irrational fears, GOD slowly one by one has had me face them. Even recently I admitted to a fear of mine, and a friend has offered to help me overcome that fear.

I know that when I put all my faith, hope, and trust in HIM, HE will take care of me.  HE will never abandon me, and HE will never hurt me.  GOD revealed HIS truth to me once again this morning in HIS daily teachings: "The only way to overcome fear is by living boldly"  I know that when I confront my fear I am saying, "I refuse to let my emotions take control."  I know that by confronting my fear I am saying, "HE is bigger than my fear, HE can, will ,and does take me through it."

I don't have many regrets in my life, however the time I wasted living in fear is one of them.  It took a long time for GOD to build in me a courageous heart.  A heart that is on fire for HIM, who will always share HIS word, HIS truth, no matter what!  A courageous heart who is unashamed to be a CHRIST FOLLOWER and who declares that JESUS CHRIST is my LORD and SAVIOR.  A heart that isn't afraid to go out and witness to the broken and the lost, and letting them know that JESUS is waiting for them.  I know that I have been a work in progress for the past 10 years, and throughout HIS good works HE has been building the courage in me.

"Courage is said to be progress in the presence of fear."

I have learned that even though my "feelings" of fear are strong, I must manage them, or they will manage me.  I know that Satan depends on my fear, to keep me trapped in my own prison.  I know that he plays a recording of the things that used to scare me as a child, in hopes that it will have the same effect on me as an adult.  I know that he will try and use painful reminders of how badly I was treated, in hopes that I will cower, and question my faith in GOD.  I know that Satan in the coward, the liar, and the ultimate deceiver.  I know that GOD can, will, and does give me everything that I need to face my fears.   HE rescued me with just "one touch" something that Satan could NEVER do.  I know the day I chose to be baptized, I declared that JESUS is my SAVIOR. In declaring JESUS as my #1 HIS HOLY SPIRIT now resides in me.

I know that because HIS HOLY SPIRIT resides in me, I have been given the power and the authority to rebuke, and cast out anything of my life, and my families life that is NOT covered under the blood of JESUS CHRIST.  Through my prayers GOD has revealed to me just what that means.  I know that when I feel anxious or fearful of anything, or my children are feeling tormented in anyway, the first thing I do is say, "LORD JESUS remove the spirit of fear, anxiety, and pain from my body, his, her, their, bodies.  Whenever my children are having a disagreement and it's more than just petty things, I pray over them.  What I love most about being a CHRIST FOLLOWER is knowing that HE is with me always, no matter what!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." Luke 10:19

I know that in order to obey HIS commands I must have a healthy fear as HE knows what is best for me.  Just like I as a parent need to instill a healthy fear in my children for me.  It is because I know what is best for them.  I know that certain things will bring harm to them.  I know when they are being rude or disrespectful.  Just as I know what is best for my child, I am HIS child, and HE knows what is best for me.

D and I have raised our girls to be unashamed of their faith.  Our girls are some of the courageous people I know.  No matter what happens to them, they remain strong in faith.  No matter what their peers say to them, they stay strong in their faith.  They are unwavering in their faith.  However, I can't take all the credit.  We belong to an amazing church where our girls are encouraged to live boldly in their faith.  To put wear their Jersey's for JESUS, and to declare that HE is the only way.  Who are encouraged to invite everyone they know to hear HIS good news!  They are encouraged every week to do their part in making JESUS famous.

I have been placed in the most awesome life, of getting to be D's wife, and Mama to our 5 amazing children.  I must choose to be courageous and live boldly every day.  I must choose to seek HIM daily, and ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me how to live every moment of my life.  I must choose to keep JESUS at the center of my life, so I don't miss a thing!

I will live each day with Faith in HIM, my creator,rescuer, redeemer,healer,comforter,helper,one who loves me and knows me best!  I will NOT waste anymore of my time doing things "my way."  I will choose HIS way every time, as HIS way is the only way.  I know that nothing surprises HIM, therefore I NEVER have to live in fear again.

I pray today that if you are living in fear, you will seek the one who wants to release you from your fears. I pray today that you will seek HIM and allow HIM to unlock the door to your prison.  I pray today that you let HIM begin to create in you a courageous heart.  I pray today that you will live boldly and declare that JESUS is the only way.


Friday, July 26, 2013

HE paid it all

As I have mentioned in earlier posts I was raised by selfish people.  People who manipulated me into doing whatever they wanted to fill their selfish desires and wants.  I will never say their "needs" as our needs are never viewed as selfish as GOD provides for all of our needs abundantly! 

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Growing up I was manipulated into taking all of the blame for other people's unhappiness.  I remember when I was around 10 years old my Granny had to have a pacemaker put in.  I was told that it was due to my being such a struggle for her.  As I have said earlier I was very defiant, and did NOT want to be controlled.  Especially by the two people who were controlling me everyday.  Truthfully I think I was almost relieved that she was somehow suffering after everything that she was doing to me.  I couldn't understand how people could do the things they were doing and not EVER have to "face the truth" of what they were doing.  I should say in her case what she was allowing."  She knew that her husband wasn't treating me the way a grandparent treats a grandchild.  She knew he was using me for his own selfish desire.  When things would happen and I would resist, I would be told, "You must never tell anyone EVER as it would get me into trouble, and no one would understand, and no one would ever love you as much as I do."  I would be reminded repeatedly that my own dad didn't want me, and wouldn't believe me even if I tried to tell him.  I was trapped in a prison of guilt, guilt that was caused by people allowing themselves to be Satan's puppet in my life.  I was trapped in my own prison with out a key.

However, GOD knew and was planning on my day of rescue!  The day that I would be saved, from it all!  HE knew that one day I would have the strength to say, "No."  HE knew that one day I would have the courage to confront and confess, and let it all go.  HE knew that one day I would seek HIM with all of my heart, and declare and accept HIM as my LORD and SAVIOR.  HE knew that my journey would be hard, and I would struggle, but I would be o.k. because I would know that HE is always with me.  HE knew that I would understand how HE paid it all for me so I could be with HIM and HIS FATHER in HEAVEN.  HE knew, then, now, and in my future, HE knows it all, and it's all to HIM I owe.  

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

I know that in my past I have always been ready to take on more guilt. I know now that the devil had a blast in making sure he kept me in my own prison without a key. I know that I have allowed him to use the people in my life as puppets to try and destroy me. I learned at a very young age how to take on guilt.  I was made to feel guilty that unless I did exactly what I was told I would be responsible for their pain and discomfort.  I knew that it would be all my fault that they would suffer.  I was told repeatedly "You can NEVER tell anyone."  It has been Satan's plan all along to keep my trapped, however, I now know that I am covered under the blood of JESUS CHRIST and from what I have read in my bible, well HE WINS!!! 

"Many of the things people expect are their expectations, and they can be quite unrealistic."

GOD has shown me that there are some people in my life who only think of themselves and don't even bother getting to know me and understand how much I am responsible for.  HE has let me know that under no circumstances am I to "feel" guilty that they are unhappy with me.  I know that as long as I am doing what HE calls me to do, then I am right with HIM and with that I have peace in my heart, and confidence to say, "I am doing all I can do."  In having that confidence I will no longer be willing to "take on" the guilt of not being who they want me to be.  This includes my parents, friends, family, everyone.  I will NOT be made to feel "guilty" for their pain and discomfort  when I know that I living right by GOD.  I will NOT allow guilt to be placed upon me, and open doors to be manipulated.  I will not live in my own "prison" without a key anymore.  

I am thankful for this season of my life, that GOD is taking me back and revealing HIS truth to me.  Today's reading that really captured my heart was this: "I felt guilty about the abuse in my childhood even though I was not the perpetrator and hated what was being done to me."  I know that guilt caused me to take on guilt for everything.  I don't remember a time where I didn't "feel" guilty. 

When I was 14 my step-mom was hospitalized with a bleeding ulcer.  I was told that she almost died, and that it was all my fault.  I carried that guilt with me for many years, before GOD finally revealed to me HIS truth and what really happened.  However, carrying that guilt changed me, it gave Satan the knowledge in how to manipulate me into getting what he wanted.  I now know that he has been out to destroy me from day 1.  GOD revealed HIS truth about the guilt that I've carried around for so long as this: "I had a false sense of guilt that was deeply rooted in shame."  Hearing that took my breath away.  Even though I knew what happened to me was NOT my fault, I had allowed it none the less.  I have been carrying around that shame all this time and didn't even know it.  I always felt guilty and never understood why.  

In learning about the shame I carried this morning, I now understand why I get so angry when other people try and put blame on me.  Especially when I have nothing to do with it.  I get very agitated when someone tries to base their happiness on whether or not I will do something for them.  I know understand why I get so angry when it is me who has to "take the 1st step."  I know that I must control my emotions and not let them get the best of me.  Therefore Satan will NOT have a foothold on my life, and I will NOT take on the guilt again.  I must rebuke any and all agreements I made with Satan.

"Just because I "feel" guilty, does not mean I am guilty."

I know I must never allow myself into being deceived into sinning without guilt, as I know I am NEVER justified in going against GOD's word.

"My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.It is the Lord who judges me." 1 Corinthians 4:4

GOD revealed to me in the Spring of 2003 that HE would give me the relief I so desperately needed, all I had to do was ask.  I didn't have to pay a price like JESUS did, all I had to do was ask and it was given to me.  In the Summer of 2003 I asked JESUS to come into my heart, and confessed of my sins, and allowed HIM to begin a good work in me.  

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

This morning I woke up singing Jesus paid it allall to Him I owe Sin had left a crimson stain He washed it white as snow"  I know that because HE paid it all I am given the freedom I need to live a guilt-free life. In choosing to live a guilt-free life I will NO longer accept guilt and allow myself to be punished for things that aren't even my fault.  

GOD wants me to get my mind off of my failures, and get my mind on my successes.  I must put more time, energy, and effort into celebrating my victories, and NOT my failures.  HE wants me to celebrate as HE is the one who allows my victories, as HE is right there fighting the good fight with me.  I know that I can get through anything because HE is with me.  

"For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” Deuteronomy 20:4

I used to dread mornings, but now I am thankful because my slate is wiped clean and I get to live another day with HIM teaching, leading, and guiding me every step of the way.  I wake up thankful that HIS mercies are new EVERY morning.  I am thankful that though there may be darkness in the night, JOY comes in the morning!  

"Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,That you still have a reason to sing,'cause the pain you've been feeling, Can't compare to the joy that's coming" Josh Wilson

I pray today that you have been carrying around guilt and shame that you would seek the one who made you, flaws and all.  I pray today that you will ask HIM to come into your life, to teach, lead, and guide you every step of the way.  I pray today that you will know HE delights in you, loves you, and will choose you always.  I pray today that you will know that JESUS paid it all, all for you.  I pray today that you know HE is waiting, all you have to do is open the door to your heart.



Thursday, July 25, 2013

"prison without a key"

One of the joys of being a Mama is getting up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying child.  I don't mind getting up for my little one's as no one ever happily got up for me growing up, so I am thankful that I am the one who they want, and who can soothe them.

This morning at 4am while waiting for my son to fall back asleep I read my bible study, and as I read these words,  "In my childhood, I suffered abuse that made me feel the need to defend myself from emotional and physical attack.  Because of that conditioning, those feelings and responses remained for many years into my adulthood."  I found myself so thankful for being able to put to words what I didn't know how to describe or even understand why I feel or have felt the way I have for so long.

GOD has revealed to me this morning that my perception is my reality, in other words how I think things are, is how I see them.  Without even realizing it I have been in my own prison without a key for so long.  Even though GOD has been working through me, and in me for the past 10 years I was still in a prison.  A prison full of guilt, guilt for things that I have been forgiven of, however I have failed to forgive myself.

I know that because I had spent so many years living in anger and feeling attacked I have always been on guard.  There have been so many times in my life where I started out having a simple conversation with someone, and it has ended in me blowing up, and allowing my anger to control my thoughts and actions.

GOD has shown me that in choosing to allow my anger to control me that I have allowed Satan to have a foothold in my life.  GOD revealed HIS truth to me this morning, "I have a root of rejection in my life that manifests into anger." HE is showing me that it is ok to be angry.  However, I must  learn to manage my anger so it will not manage me.

"GOD has given us the emotion of anger to let us know when we are being mistreated"

 I often struggle with anger when I feel out of place.  One of the biggest struggles I have is hearing people.  So often I don't "hear" the whole of the conversation and I am stuck nodding my head and smiling, and trying desperately to read their lips.  I often beat myself up with the thoughts of maybe if I concentrated more on what someone was saying to me I could really hear them.  I often feel very embarrassed when I'm in a room full of people who all know what is going on, and I don't have a clue.  My insecurity's are displayed for everyone to see, and I get very angry and I being to feel as if though I will never fit in anywhere.

Just last night D and I were trying to have a conversation while driving to take our teens to youth group and D had already repeated himself several times, and he was growing very frustrated with me, and I in turn took it to heart, and started beating myself up.  Thoughts of, "see you don't belong anywhere, even your own husband is tired of repeating himself for you."  My heart began to sink, "why me LORD, why must I struggle so hard?" The the guilt of not knowing sign language sets in, and beating myself for not trying to better myself.  I know that this guilt may seem irrational to some, but to me it is real, however I am learning that GOD wants me to let go, and let HIM take care of me, and provide for my every need.

I know that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to forgiveness for myself.  I do not take sinning well, and pretty much confess right away, usually in tears, as I have "failed" once again to be who HE wants me to be.  I am learning the importance of understanding the difference of condemnation, and conviction.  I know that conviction is the work of the HOLY SPIRIT within me.  It is leading me to confess of my sins, and to seek forgiveness.  Condemnation only draws me deeper into my "prison" of guilt and keeps me trapped and keeps the devil in my life.  I know that because JESUS paid the ultimate price for my sins that I have nothing to feel guilty about, as that is why HE died for me.  I know all I have to do is seek forgiveness and it is given to me, my slate is wiped clean because of GOD's amazing grace.  I know that because I accepted JESUS into my heart as my LORD and SAVIOR that I am covered in HIS favor, and therefore Satan has no power over me.  I know that he is only in my life because I allow him to be.  Today I have received the freedom that has kept me in my own "prison" for so long.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

I know that for the past 10 years GOD has been working on me one issue at a time.  I often find myself going through yet another level of what I "thought" I had already worked on, however HE quickly lets me know that HE's not done refining me in that area, and most of the time it has to do with guilt that I have been carrying around for so long.  HE has let me know that HE is the key to unlocking my prison and HE wants to free me from all the feelings of condemnation that I feel on a daily basis.  HE has let me know that HE is not the one who condemns me, as HE has already forgiven me, I just need to forgive myself.  HE also lets me know that when I have sinned HE expects for me to confess, seek forgiveness from HIM and to turn away from my sins.  HE has let me know that under NO circumstances is HE EVER going to let me just sin because I am angry, and be "ok" with it.  HE has let me know that HE is never going anywhere, HE will NEVER leave me, forsake me, and will always love me no matter what.  HE has shown me time and again that HE is the only one constant in my life.

"Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess  my transgressions to the Lord.”And you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:5

I am thankful that GOD gave me a love for reading, as it is the way HE communicates to me is through the books HE places in my path.  In today's reading I came across this "Nothing changes because you read a book.  It's what you do with the knowledge you gain from reading the book that will lead to change."  In other words, HE  has equipped me with the knowledge of how HE wants me to live my life, however, I have the free will to do what I want with it.  I must choose to live my life the way HE has instructed for me, so that I don't find myself trapped in another "prison" without a key.  HE has promised to me that HE will always be the "key" to my freedom!

Today's Decision and Confession is this: I will NOT live as an angry person.  I will deal with anger in a GODLY way.

I pray today that if you are struggling with feelings of guilt that HE knows and is waiting for you to confess.  I pray that you will seek the key to releasing you from your own "prison" of guilt.  I pray today that you choose HIM to lead you on the path to freedom that HE has chosen for your life.  I pray for HIS favor and blessings to be poured over your life for your obedience.


Wednesday, July 24, 2013


I was born to an emotional time bomb.  I never knew what she was going to do next.  I lived in fear for the few short years that I lived with her.  Most of my memories of my birth-mother are of abuse, crying, screaming, and blame.  So often she would blame myself or my brother for her circumstances.  She would feel justified in her actions based upon what was happening n her life.  She didn't know how to control her emotions, therefore we were her release for anger about everything in her life.

I remember one night at dinner she made spinach, from a can.  I remember her putting it on our plates and how we shuddered at the mere sight of it.  We both sat there picking at it with our forks, and though I don't remember who's idea it was, we began to fling it onto the ceiling.  Before long we were laughing, and she heard us, and when she walked in and saw what we had done she flew into a rage.  I remember she attacked my brother first.  She broke one of our dining room chairs over his backside.  I remember him crying, and telling me to "run."  Only I didn't get away fast enough she grabbed the metal broom and began beating me over the head with it.  I don't remember exactly how many times she hit me, but I do remember climbing the stairs to my bedroom and my head running along the wall.  I remember watching the blood drip down the wall, and her saying, "I am so sorry baby, Mommy is so sorry, but you were awful and how could you, Mommy is so sorry Amber."

As quickly as she had allowed herself to fly into an emotional rage and attacked the both of us, it was over.  Left in the dust were my brother and I, abused, bruised, crying, bleeding, and hurting.  I spent the next year of my life "trying" my best to be a "good" girl and not to upset her.  However in my being little, I had needs, and sometimes I "needed" her help.  Many times in seeking her "help" I was punished for being so "needy."  I was always told, "How dare you interrupt me and my time."  I have many scares on my body from all of the times that I dared to "interrupt" her.

I am now 35 years old and a Mama to five beautiful children of my own.  I have 3 daughters who were all pretty easy to raise, and didn't give me too much of a challenge.  However, my son who is 4 is my greatest challenge.  My son can go from 0-80 in a fit of rage over the smallest thing.  When he is angry he lashes out, and will pick up the nearest thing and will throw it at the person who has offended him.  This occurs on a daily basis in our home.  So often I am the target of his rage, and I often find myself being left in the dust of his rage.  He just like my birth-mom is very remorseful right after exploding, but the damage has already been done.  I struggle with my own feelings of anger, and not wanting to "teach" him a lesson.  I struggle with not wanting to hurt him back for the pain he has inflicted on me and his siblings.

I know that in order to "train" him up right I must control my anger, so it does NOT control me.  I know that when I feel as if though I am going to "lose" it I must remove myself from the situation.  I must seek HIS help and pray for HIS guidance.  GOD is teaching me by allowing me to go through this with my son, what I should have had all along in my life from the people who "loved" me as that is unconditional love.

I know that in my life GOD allows people to irritate me so that HE will strengthen my faith in HIM, and I will learn what unconditional love really means.  I know that GOD wants me to get a hold of my anger and bring it to HIM as nothing good comes from hanging onto my anger.

"Anger criticizes, withdraws, ridicules, humiliates, despises, teases, and puts down; it disrespects, rebels, and may even turn around and take the role of victim."

I know that if I am not careful I will find myself irritated by the slightest inconvenience  because of the way I was raised.  Therefore I must do what HE says in the bible in the way of dealing with my anger.

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27

I know that just because I may feel justified in being angry, there is absolutely NO excuse to inflict harm on anyone whether it is through my words or my actions.  Nor is there EVER an excuse to feel hatred toward someone.  "Nothing justifies an attitude of hatred."  GOD wants me to know that HE will bring justice where justice is due.  I need not to worry about it.  Rather I must trust HIM and HIS timing, and that HE will equip me to deal with things as they come.  I must choose self-control when someone has hurt me.

"Better a patient person than a warrior,one with self-control than one who takes a city." Proverbs 16:32

I know that by allowing hatred into my heart I will be robbed of my peace and joy.  I know that by holding onto the hatred in my heart it will only move me farther away from GOD.

"Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." 1 John 4:20

"No one was more unjustly treated than Jesus, and yet HE asked GOD to forgive HIS tormentors."

"Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

In my daily walk with JESUS HE has shown me that no matter how much I am hurt, HE understands the pain that I am in.  HE also is letting me know that though I may "feel" justified in my actions, that HE does NOT condone anger that results in any sort of violence or harm to others.  HE has shown me that just as GOD is slow to anger, I should also do the same.  I know that when I am controlling my anger that HIS favor will be poured over my life, and HE will help me through all of my problems. 

"For his anger lasts only a moment,    but his favor lasts a lifetime;weeping may stay for the night,  but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

HE has shown me through the past 69 days that HE is there to help me through everything, and has let me know that if I find myself not having what I need it is because I have not asked for it.

"You do not have because you do not ask God." James 4:2

I know that in order to not follow in the footsteps of my past I must rebuke any and all thoughts from the devil.  I must put all of my faith and trust in HIM, and HE will deliver me from all of my troubles, my anger, frustration etc. in HIS timing.

"If you want to give the devil a nervous breakdown, just get up every morning and see how much good you can do."

Today I am choosing to forgive those who have hurt me, so that I will receive inner peace and joy.  Today I will let go.... and let GOD transform my heart, and make it more like HIS.  Today I am forgiving so that I may be given the freedom to live a truly blessed life.

 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

I pray today if you are holding onto anger towards an injustice done to you, that you will choose to forgive, so that your HEAVENLY FATHER can forgive you.  I pray today that you speak HIS truth in love, and not in anger.  I pray today that you will receive the freedom to live a truly blessed life.