Sunday, June 30, 2013


In May of 2003 I was going through the motions of being a "Christian."  I had lost our 3rd baby in March, and was still dealing with all the emotions from the loss.  D and I weren't very close, and I wanted to be.  D was reading his bible daily, and I was sort of just being pulled along.  It wasn't until Randy Travis came to Willow Creek and they played the baptism song that my heart began to change. This line of the song, is was caught my heart up, and wouldn't let go, "It was down with the old man and up with the new"  I knew I had two choices, one turn my back on GOD forever, or two fall straight into HIS arms.  I chose HIM as I had already spent enough of my life "enduring a living hell." 

I remember that HOT summer day June 22, 2003 where in front of GOD and 5,000 people I gave my "little" testimony.  I say little as GOD hadn't even begun to scratch the surface of what HE was going to teach me.  I remember my knees shaking and my voice trembling as I gave my "little testimony."  These days I can give my testimony and my knees don't shake, and my voice doesn't tremble, as I live with the confidence of knowing that JESUS is my Savior, and that if I ever doubt how much HE loves me, all I have to do is look how far I've come.  10 years of HIM teaching me, renewing my heart, soul, and mind.

It has been through my faith in HIM that I have become teachable and allowed myself to have a renewed heart, soul and mind.  I must allow myself to be teachable for the rest of my life.

Power Thought #11 - I am disciplined and self-controlled.  This was not always true for my life.  In my past I have made many decisions based upon fear, anxiety, hatred, confusion etc.  However in choosing to let HIM renew me I learned to align my thoughts and decisions to HIS will for my life.  In choosing to surrender my life to HIM, I chose to open myself up to being taught.  Everyday I am being taught how to live my new life that HE gave me.  How to align my thoughts with HIS word.  In choosing to surrender I must surrender my old ways of my old life, and choose to follow HIS ways for my new life!

I know that allowing my thoughts and actions to be aligned with HIS word will take a lot of time & effort on my part.  I know that I will achieve this through discipline and self-control.  In the past I have been a very overindulgent person.  Whatever I wanted I had, and it didn't matter whether it was good for me or not.  Whether it be food, tv, music, the people I surrounded myself with.  I did what I wanted when I wanted to.  Throughout the 1st half of my life, I was so controlled by selfishness and manipulation of the people who were suppose to love and protect me.  Therefore when I became old enough I decided I wouldn't allow anyone to control me.  These days however, I choose to let HIM control my thoughts and actions.  I choose to allow HIM to teach me and show me the way to be the Christ Follower HE calls me to be.

I know that HE still allows me to think, say, and do whatever I want, however I also know that I want to please HIM as HE has proven many times over in my life that HIS plans are far greater than anything I can imagine.  I was talking to one of the most amazingly strong people I have ever known yesterday and I shared with them how I almost gave it all up many times in my life.  We talked about how GOD was always there to rescue me, even when I didn't know it was HIM.  I know that they were saddened to hear of my "life story."  I also know that we are both so thankful that through our own personal relationship with JESUS that we are now able to have a relationship that is based on truth, HIS truth and not manipulations and lies.  Today I am thankful for the blessing of our new relationship and friendship.  You know who you are and I love you!

"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

When I "feel" lack of discipline, and self-control, I know that I can count on HIM to give me the strength.  Through HIS power and love I know I can stand strong against the enemy as he is trying to attack my thoughts through temptations.  I must always remember that the enemy (Satan) wants my mind.  Satan also seeks control and to be able to influence my thinking as much as he can.  Since I became a Christ Follower he has been on my heels every single second!  Therefore, I must resist him by aligning my thoughts to be Christ lead.  I can and will rebuke the thoughts from the enemy through the Power of JESUS CHRIST.

I know that just by getting up every morning and spending time in HIS word, praying, journaling, and blogging I am disciplining myself in my spiritual walk.  I know that by completing each day of the 30 day ab & squat challenge I am disciplining myself in my quest for overall health. 

I must remember that the power, liberty, joy & most of all victory are worth all of the discipline!

I know that just by choosing to be disciplined I can save myself from having to make one of two choices:  "Happy Life," "Miserable Life."  I could also say it this way,  a life being in bondage to the enemy, or a life of freedom with my Savior.  I of course choose JESUS, as I have lived in bondage for far too long.

In choosing discipline and self-control I will be able to obtain my goals.  I must meditate on "I am a disciplined person and I use self-control."

In allowing my mind the freedom to wander, I also am allowing worry, insecurity, fear, and doubt to overtake me.  However, by allowing my thoughts to align with HIS I will feel peaceful, calm, sure of myself, and confident.  I must choose NOT to be "feelings" lead, rather to be CHRIST lead.

Today I am choosing to be teachable.  I want to be more and more like JESUS in each day passing. I want a renewed  heart, soul, body, and mind.  I want to live the life that HE has chosen for me.  I am in awe of what HE has done for me thus far, and I can't wait to see what HE has planned for me in my future!

Today I pray that if struggle with self-doubt, insecurity, fear, worry, or anxiety that you would turn to the one who made you.   Look to  HIM and allow HIM to teach you.  That you will allow HIM to renew you and make you whole.  That you will make the choice of Freedom in CHRIST JESUS.


Saturday, June 29, 2013


"A disciplined life is a powerful life"
Today I will complete day 17 of the 30 ab & squat challenge.  This for me has been an amazing experience.  It is probably the hardest challenge I have ever done in exercise.  I often find myself stopping and praying during as I lose concentration, and begin to feel weak.  In choosing to be disciplined I know that when I work hard, train, and make sacrifices, invest my time and energy, and stay dedicated I WILL reap the rewards because I am disciplined.  My reward for this challenge has been weight loss.  Since November of this last year I have put on twenty extra pounds.  It was all in my gut area.  I am happy to say now that my shirts fit better, and honestly I breathe even better.  So on the days where "I don't feel like it," I force myself as I know the blessings from following through will be coming. 

D and I do not have cable however we usually try and find someplace to watch the Superbowl as it is so excited to see a team who's hard work and dedication are rewarded for their discipline.  This thought came to my mind this morning, "Nothing that's ever worth having ever comes easy."  This speaks volumes in my life.  I know that when I choose to be disciplined it will keep me from becoming lazy (which is a huge problem for me) and over indulging in my "likes." (also huge)  I know that when I discipline myself I am focused and productive and complete any and all tasks that I need to through HIM.  I, Heather must make a decision to be dedicated and realize that in the end after all the hardwork and sacrifice will come the reward.

"I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12

"Discpline is the price of freedom, it is the door to liberation!"

When I am not choosing to be discplined I become a slave to things that according to GOD's words have NO power over me.   When I don't eat healthy and treat my body right I become a slave to sugars, fats and other things that are detrimental to my health.  I am learning this the very hard way.  I know that eating a lot of sugar makes me feel tired and sick, therefore I choose to eat it only on occasion.  I know that the instant gratification quickly reveals that it wasn't  worth it to me.  I also know that Satan will try and decieve me, but GOD's truth remains, I will get sick, and I will feel tired.

D and I are in a storm right now with our finances, it seems as if though no matter what we do we can't seem to get out from under and stay away from debt.  GOD however, has much bigger plans for us.  HE at this very moment is placing HIS army of believers in our path to stop us from making foolish mistakes.  To keep us focused on HIS commands and allow ourselves to be teachable in this very crushing of our spirits problem.  So of course when I read this in my bible study this morning, of course I had to smile, as I know my heavenly Father loves us sooooo much!  "When we do not practice self-control with our finances we fall under the power of debt, and our indebtedness can literally keep us from doing what we want or need to do in life."  I also smiled when HE revealed this to me, " Oppressed debt is often the root cause of anxiety, disease, and serious marital problems."  I will NOT allow this to destroy anything that GOD done for us, so I will choose to live the way HE has commanded.  I know I can seek refuge as in HIM as HE is my fortress and when I obey HIM, HE can, will & does protect me from harm. 

"Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. " Malachi 3:10

With the stress of debt in our married life, I often lose sleep.  With the stress of raising 5 children, I often lose sleep.  With the stress of homeschooling 4 of the those children, I often lose sleep.  It is during those times of NOT being able to sleep is when I hear HIM most loud and clear.  It is because HE is trying to teach me something, and until I allow myself to be teachable I will remain a slave to fatigue.  Sadly my children know their Mama is often  fatigued.  They know that when I am, I am grouchy, easily make mistakes, and the worst part tired, when I need to be awake and full of energy.  I know that when I am fatigued and my children are left to their own decisions the lack of discipline wreaks havoc over our home. 

"Fatigue is one of the greatest theives of creativity"  I, Heather must  avoid being fatigued at all costs!

"I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive." 1 Corinthians 10:23

GOD allows me, Heather, to do whatever I please, however I must discpline myself from things that are not aligned with HIS plans for my life.  I must seek daily for HIM to create in me a heart and mind like JESUS.  I need to be reminded that anything less than that I don't have time for.

"Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives’ tales. Instead, train yourself to be godly." 1 Timothy 4:7

When I choose to make decisions based on whether or not GOD will approve then I will be disciplined.  When I am disciplined I am opening up myself to be rewarded by HIS blessings.  I know that I love receiving blessings, who doesn't?  So I need to remind myself of that whenever I feel like I deserve something that I haven't worked hard for.

The final thought that I had today was this, "our eyes and ears are gateways to our soul"  I need to make good choices about what I read, watch, and say.  I need to be GOD honoring in what I allow in my life. 

Friends, today I pray that if you lack discipline in your life that you will choose today to not be a slave to things that are keeping you from GOD's best for your life.  I pray that you will seek HIM earnestly and allow yourselves to be teachable.


Friday, June 28, 2013

let go.... let GOD

"Your past can be an unbearably heavy load when you try to carry it into your present."  When I read that I thought about just how far I have come from my past.  I can't imagine trying to live my life now as a Mama of five lugging around all the "junk" from my past.  Thankfully for me when I was twenty-six GOD set me free from my past, and allowed me to heal and start to live. In my journey of letting go, and letting GOD HE has humbled me many times over.  I have had to put on the mindset that I am teachable.  That I will allow GOD to change my heart.  GOD knew then and knows now, always what was, is, and always will be best for me!  HE knew that I had a forgiving heart.  HE knew I was strong enough to "endure" what I went through, and HE also knew that I would be strong enough to let go.  In letting go, my past was no longer on my mind, and was out of my conversations.  GOD promised me that if I forgave the people who hurt me then HE would take away my pain of my past. 

However, just when I think I have gotten through all the "junk" of my past, GOD quickly reveals there is some more refining to do.  HE allows me to be challenged specifically in area's where I struggle the most.  That for me is choosing my battles, pleasing people, and having childlike fun.  I have many battles throughout my day, and I am learning that I need to ask myself " will this really matter in five years?"  If the answer is no, then it's time for me to let go.... and let GOD.  GOD wants me to be free of all the areas in my life that I am in bondage with.  When I stay in bondage with my past, I miss out on my present, and there is NO room for it in my future. 

"If you struggle with guilt, condemnation, shame, blame, or regret about your past, GOD will forgive you and set you free if you simply ask HIM." 

I have no regrets about my past, as it has made me the person I am today.  Without the storms of my past, I would never understand the true power of forgiveness.  GOD has asked me many times in my life to forgive people who have hurt me.  In the fall of 2008 D and I were a part of a small group in a church.  We were going through some of the biggest storms in our married life, a life as a family of then five soon to be six.  We were so overwhelmed and were barely staying a float.  Our small group let us know one evening that we were "too much to handle."  That we needed something they weren't equipped to give or to do.   We were crushed, and so hurt by their harsh words, and unkind actions.  It was so difficult for us to attend church after that night, we ending up leaving the church all together.  We eventually came back to the church, but things were so different.  I held a deep grudge in my heart as they were like family to us.  How could anyone be so cruel?  Slowly members of the group came forward and apologized to D and I.  I then had to make the choice of keeping the grudge or forgiving.  One of the greatest friendships I will ever be blessed with was born from this storm.  I know that I can call my friend and she will listen to me, and encourage me, and keep me accountable to staying the path GOD has chosen for me.  Through the power of forgiveness I was able to let go.......and let GOD! 

Throughout my life I have had many different relationships with people.  I am learning that some of them are just for a season of my life and not for the duration of my life.  This is hard for me, because I generally like people, and want to be friends with most everyone.  I strive to be a good friend, encourager, and listener.  I strive to be "perfect" when really GOD wants me to reveal my flaws.  This blog is me revealing my flaws.  This is what GOD is doing in my life right now to keep me humble and living in my present and enjoying every moment.  GOD is letting me know that it is impossible to please everyone.  I can however be honoring to HIM and bring glory to HIS name in everything I do.  I must obey HIM and choose to let go... and let GOD.

Childlike fun is such a foreign concept to me.  D is so childlike in many ways, and so our children flock to him, and he is the "fun one."  I am not naturally a "park mom," but I force myself to be.  I am not a "cheerleader" but I try to be one for my children.  I am not always like a  "proverbs 31 woman" but I strive to be as GOD has blessed me with this amazing growing family of now seven.  Today I will "play" with my children, and be silly, and have fun.  I will greet D at the door and welcome him home.  Most of all I will laugh, as it is truly the best medicine. I will laugh because I have let go.... and let GOD.

I pray today that if you are holding onto something from your past, GOD wants you to know that there is NO room for it in your future.  That HE will take it from you all you have to do is ask.  "Lay your sorrows at JESUS feet and HE will take them from you."  I pray today that you will do just that!  That you will let go... and let GOD.


Thursday, June 27, 2013

HIS eyes

Last night I had just my youngest with me at home.  D and I had just had just been given a "tough pill to swallow."  The news was very unsettling to me, and I was feeling heartbroken, and even somewhat hopeless.  In that moment my youngest began to cry and through my tears I went and picked him up and couldn't help but to smile.  As the tears silently fell I said aloud, "I will live in the present and enjoy this precious moment with my little boy."  GOD wants me to know that even though my tears may fall there is joy to be found. 

Looking back through my years of "tough pills to swallow" I think about who GOD placed in my life at that moment.  Sometimes HE placed people I could relate to and other times HE placed people I couldn't stand.  I have somehow allowed myself to become a person who is easily annoyed.  I lose sight of HIS grace for people when they are different from me, or dare I say that I feel are being "stupid."  GOD wants me to know that until I can enjoy being around all types of people, I won't be able to enjoy the present moment of my life.

"Most of our unhappiness is caused from people not being what we want them to be or doing what we want them to do."

This is true for my life, in all of my "wisdom" I "think" I know what is best for me.  So therefore I purposely put myself around people I deem "worthy" of my time.  However, GOD's humor is much different from mine.  HE loves surrounding me with people who are a challenge to me.  HE does this so that I am humble.  HE places the very people I cannot stand to be around to teach me about grace, and mercy.

"How can I enjoy the day if I am going to have to deal with annoying people?"

When I let other people's attitudes decide for me how my day is going to be, then I am not truly living and enjoying each moment.  I need to view everyone as GOD's child, and know that HE doesn't appreciate it when I have a bad attitude towards anyone. 

One of my greatest lessons in seeing someone through HIS eyes was this:  My Granny (father's mother) was on her death bed.  Our paths hadn't crossed until the day GOD said to me, "Go and see her, and forgive her."  I remember that morning so well, getting dressed, and getting everyone in our van, I was a complete emotional wreck.  We were going to see her, and truthfully I was terrified.  This is a woman who terrorized me most of my childhood and much of my young adult hood.  She maniuplated my thoughts and allowed things to happen to me that were horrific.  I didn't want to forgive her, but I also knew that I would NEVER have inner peace until I did.  I walked into her hospital room prepared for the "fight of my life."  I was determined that I would NEVER let her hurt me again, and actually I found myself so relieved to know that I would NEVER have to face her again after this day.  The guilt was creeping in, as what kind of person is happy when someone else is dying?  When I first laid my eyes on her I she didn't look like who I had remembered her to be, she was pale, and her hair was unkept.  She wasn't who I had remembered at all.  It was in that moment GOD put on a new pair of "glasses" for me and I saw her in HIS eyes.  Laying there in the bed was HIS child, HIS precious child, whom HE loved and grieved for.  I left that day with forgiveness in my heart, and the greatest blessing of closure.  When I went to her funeral and I heard "her story" my heart broke.  She too had lived such a diffucult life.  I sobbed and mourned her, for who she was, and who she wasn't.  I mourned for who I was, and who I wasn't.  I thank GOD everyday for allowing me to be "pushed" to my limit, and for giving me that "tough pill to swallow." 

Even though I have had success with forgiveness I still have my failures.  When I find myself unable to enjoy someone I am judging critically, I need to say, "Heather the way this person acts in NONE of my business."  JESUS wants me to be merciful in my attitude towards others, because when I am I will be able to enjoy my life.  I must remember that GOD has created all kinds of people with many different temperaments and personalities & HE delights in them all.  GOD delights in variety, that is why HE made us all different. 

"We encounter a lot of people.  Some of them are by choice, but a lot of them just end up in our life as we go through our day."

I need to have a mindset that NO matter what "type" of person comes into my day, I will NOT let them take away my joy!  When I "see" people through HIS eyes I will be accepting of them, and will be able to live each and every moment with joy in my heart. 

"How often do you fail to enjoy your day because a person isn't what you want them to be?"

For me, I fall prey to this daily.  I quite often.... ok everyday it seems get annoyed easily.  I try very hard to focus on being content, but I slip up and get easily annoyed  with people and find myself judging them.  When the guilt from judging them starts to creep in, I try and justify it when in reality it is NONE of my business.

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12

Lord Jesus create in me a heart for people.  To love and accept them for whose they are.  Help me to "see" them they way you do.  Let me be of encouragement for them, and be loving towards them.  Help me to go throughout my day finding ways to bring honor and glory to YOUR name!  Amen!

Friends, I pray that if you struggle with being annoyed easily that you will take a step back and look at people with "HIS eyes."  That you will live in the present and enjoy each and every moment that is your precious gift from HIM.


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

enduring is not living

For the past few days I have been thinking so much about Power Thought #10 ~ I live in the present and enjoy each moment.  If I were being honest I would say, "I sometimes live in the present, and I "try" to enjoy each moment.  I would also say that there are some moments I don't enjoy at all.  For example, last week when my four year old son was throwing a temper tantrum and I knew I was supposed to remain calm, and help him through it.  However, when he threw a toy at my head and hit me right in my temple, my eyes began to well up with tears, and the doubts started to flow.  "Is this is it?  Is this all I am meant to do with my life?  Just a Mom?  Just a wife?  Just a....."  I was sobbing when my oldest came to my rescue and talked to him about how NOT to treat Mama.  I went to my room and quietly shut my door and sobbed into my pillow.  "Lord Jesus being a Mama is so hard sometimes."  The tears just kept falling, and I stayed in my bed until they stopped.  Sometimes I need a good cry, sometimes I am so busy "enduring" my life, that I am forgetting to live it.  GOD wanted me to know this morning that there are dozen's of things that are a part of my daily life that are what seem boring and ordinary that I can enjoy.  I must choose to enjoy them.

I often find myself trying to spread myself to thin and do "everything."  I know as a Mama I should be delegating things to my children, but then as I didn't have much of a childhood myself I feel "guilty" for asking them to do things that I am perfectly capable of doing.  One area of spreading myself too thin is "multitasking."  I try to make it a point to stop what I am doing to listen to what my children are saying to me, otherwise I will be so busy with what I am doing, that I pacify them by nodding my head and who knows what I am agreeing to.   This is why popsicles are eaten by 9am most mornings.  I get so wrapped up in "enduring" my day, and not living each day.  By not listening to them, I miss out on their joy.  GOD is working so much in my children's lives and even being home with them I am still missing it.  In choosing to be "busy all of the time, I miss out on the many miracles GOD is doing in our lives."  I need to make a decision that I WILL appreciate each moment I am given as they are a rare and precious gift from GOD.

GOD wants me to live each of my days to its fullest and live as though it were my last day here on earth.  Holding my children and telling them I love them.  Building them up with praise.  Honoring them by loving their Dad will all of my heart.  Honoring D by standing behind his decisions and upholding his rules for our family.  Teaching my children that we must honor and obey D as he is the leader of our houeshold. 

I was always taught that you must learn to multitask, however in the past 4 years I have noticed that the more I try to multitask the easier I become frazzled and stressed.  I find myself not even completing one task and going onto the next.  Before I know it I have done a lot of things during my day but haven't completed anything.  Therefore I feel "worthless" and feel like I don't do anything right.  I know that I am my own worst critic.  GOD wants me to slow down and do one thing at a time.  That way HE can teach me and I can enjoy those teachable moments.  I don't want to live my life "enduring" each moment and failing to see all the wonders that GOD has created just for me to see.

"Give your mind to what you are doing" Ecclesiastes 5:1

In choosing to complete one task at a time GOD is building in me discipline and allowing me to enjoy the present moment of my life.  One of the areas I struggle in staying focused is work. I am a stay at home mom, so my job is NEVER done.  Laundry and dishes are always there. Vaccuuming is a daily occurence around here.  Sweeping and cleaning up messes all day long are my life.   I tend to have a "bad attitude" when it comes to housework, as it is everyday and all day.  I don't want my children growing up "dreading" housework, so therefore I must have a balanced attitude towards work.  I must learn to accept and enjoy the mundane tasks I have to complete each day, and I must do so joyfully.  I also must learn when to stop and "smell the roses."  If all I do is stay busy and on task, I miss out on the amazing things GOD is doing in my life.  Just by knowing JESUS is with me, I should be at peace and enjoying the fact that I have been blessed with 5 amazing children and a awesome husband to care for.  How boring my life would be without all of them.  Just having them in my life brings me so much joy!  Just by knowing I have JESUS in my life brings me so much joy! 

Luke 10: 38-42  tells the story of two sisters Mary and Martha.  Martha is said to be "overly occupied and too busy" while Mary sat down at Jesus' feet and listened to what he had to say.  Martha was distracted, but Mary was determined to not miss the beauty of her present moment with JESUS.

"Take a deep breath and slow down and be determined to only do what you can do peacefully and enjoyably." 

"Become childlike in your approach to GOD"

I must listen for HIS word, and let HIM guide me, and not try and figure everything out.  I shouldn't just "endure" my life, rather I should enjoy it!  I should be childlike and wait for HIS instruction, and waiting on HIS timing, and trust HIS provision.  I need to remember it is all for HIS glory and not mine!

"We can learn a lot from watching little children.  They find a way to enjoy everything--- even chores and correction.  They are quick to forgive any offense and trusting people comes easily to them." 

Lord Jesus create in me a childlike heart to trust YOU and to wait for YOU to tell me what I should do. Help me to calm the urge to be in "control."  Help me to not be easily offended, and to forgive easily", so that internal strife cannot take up residence inside my body.

In choosing to trust in HIM I am saying that HE doesn't need to explain the "why" behind everything HE does.  I need to know that HE knows what is best for me, and only HE knows the plans for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I want to live a simple life and the way to achieve that is by being able to enjoy each moment.  "Have simple faith; pray simple prayers; be quick to repent; and be quick to receive GOD's help.  Believe that GOD is good"  (ALL of the time) "If you need forgiveness ask GOD for it, receive it by faith, and don't waste your time feeling guilty and condemned."

Friends, I pray for that today you will stop "enduring" your life and start living your life.  That you will live each moment like it were your last.  That you will seek GOD will all your heart and trust in HIM.  That you will slow down and see all of the wonders and miracles that GOD is doing in your life.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013


As I was going through my bible study this morning on what I "thought" GOD was going to have me write about was enjoying life, HE quickly revealed to me what HE wanted me to write about.  This for me is probably the toughest thing I have ever "endured."  I know that by HIM revealing this to me HE is taking me through a "breakthrough" of my past and shedding the title given to me of "survivor."

I went through many storms as a child.  I was mentally and physically abused by my biological mother till I was 4, and when I was taken away from her I was sexually abused by my step-grandfather from age 4 until I turned 15.  Throughout those years I "endured" a living hell, and put on my "survivor" gear.  Even though it's been 8 years since I was able to finally tell of what had happened to me, I still held onto the "surivor" in me.  Being a Mama of 5 has brought its challenges to me, especially when it comes to being childlike. Since I was never allowed to be a child, so I struggled to be childlike with my own children   I can remember when my two oldest daughters were little and how they wanted me to "play" with them, I would cringe.  I didn't know how to "play."  I remember them begging me to be silly with them, and I would and then feel guilty for being silly as I needed to be serious.  My childhood memories consisted of being told isn't wasn't ok to be a little girl.  Everything I did was "adultlike."  In April of 2005 I began to see an amazing Christian Therapist who helped me sort through my past. During our sessions she would say, "little Heather" is hurt, tell me why.  She gave me a voice I didn't even know I had.   Nine of months of intense therapy and many tears shed, I began to receive the "breakthrough" from my past. 

I am learning though that even through the "breakthrough" of my past, I had allowed myself to be in bondage with the title of "survivor."  GOD revealed to me this morning that HE doesn't just want me to "endure and survive" my life.  HE wants me to enjoy every moment I am given as it is a gift from HIM.  HE wants to me to know that I don't need to worry about what is going to happen next, but rather focus on the present so I don't miss out on my life. So much of my life has been me living with waiting for the "other shoe" to drop.  Always ready for the next "crisis."  Never letting my guard down.  In choosing to hold onto that mindset it only pulls me further away from GOD and HIS plans for my life.  I must choose to seek HIM and thank HIM for every moment I am given.  I, Heather need to enjoy and cherish my life, not only for me, but for JESUS.  As HE paid a very high price for me to be able to enjoy my life.

"I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance."  John 10:10

" I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:11

" Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24

"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them."  John 17:13

It is truly GOD's desire for me to enjoy my life, so I must choose to enjoy my life.  I will no longer have the mindset, and hold onto the title of "survior."   I will no longer just "endure" my life.  I WILL start living and enjoying each moment I am given.  I know that the more I enjoy my life, the more enjoyable I will be to be around.   At the end of each day I need to thank GOD for everything HE did for me that day.  If I made mistakes, repent and HE will forgive me, and HE will teach me that I can learn from those mistakes and bring me even closer to HIM.  I need to thank HIM for the victories HE has blessed me with, and when I think about them I will be joyful.  In remembering my victories my joy will be everlasting!

"Does your day go by in a blur or do you truly enjoy life?"

GOD wants me to know that each moment is a gift, and when I choose to see things that way,  I will be able to enjoy even what most people would view as a boring and ordinary life.  GOD wants me to know that there is nothing wrong with having fun.  That Satan will try and trick me into thinking that having fun is Sin and I need to be serious. Satan will deceive me into putting on the "survivor" gear, when GOD wants me to rid myself of it. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  John 10:10

In letting go of being a "survivor" I trust that HE is my strength that can and will carry me through the storms of my life.  I need not to worry about what's around the next corner but live and enjoy every moment I am given.

I pray today that if you put on your "survivor" gear that you are able to allow GOD to rid you of it.  HE wants you to have complete peace and freedom from the bondage that is keeping you there.  GOD loves you and has given you the precious gift of your life.  I pray that you not waste another moment with worrying about what is to come.  That HIS favor and blessings will be poured over your life today, and you will live in the present and enjoy each moment. 



Monday, June 24, 2013

Don't blink

I became a Mama at the very young age of twenty.  I was hardly an adult when I became in charge of this precious little being.  I remember the first time I laid eyes on her, her sweet little face and tiny hands.  I was mesmerized by her.  I had never seen anything more precious.  I had to pinch myself as I couldn't believe she was mine.  Standing in front of the bathroom mirror and smiling, for the first time in my life, really smiling from the inside because I was so happy I thought I would burst.  D and I were parents.  We were a family, and I was determined I would be everything to her that I didn't have growing up.  I remember the 3am to 7am stretch mornings where I would rock her, and I would fall asleep wake up and she would be looking right at me.  This precious little being was my little girl, and "I" was her Mama.  Rocking her back and forth dreaming of what her life would be like, and looking forward to all the first's.  I remember thinking I can't wait to live my life with her.

Fast forward 14.5 years she is now my oldest of five children and is what most people say a spitting image of me.  As far as looks goes she is like me, but her zest for life, her spirit, her kindness it all comes from GOD.  She has been through a lot in her young life, much like what I went through.  She never dwells on the past though, and always chooses to enjoy the present GOD has given her.  When I look at her, at times I can still see that same little girl.  This fall our first born will be starting high school.  Wasn't she just in 3rd grade?  When did she grow up?  My Mama hearts keeps reminding me that only four more years.  Four more years to train her up right, and then I have to "let her go."  Trust in HIM, trust her, that her Dad and I did our best.  Today's reminder to me is don't blink, because I blinked and she went from being my little girl to this amazing young woman after GOD's heart.  I blinked and missed out on so many blessings, I blinked and missed out on a lot of her life.

Power Thought #10 ~ I live in the present and enjoy each moment.

"This is the day which the Lord has brought about; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

There is a saying that goes like this, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift thats what its called the present." 

If I am being honest I don't always life my life like that, and in doing so I miss on out so much GOD is wanting for my life.  I often find myself so "busy" that I fail to enjoy every moment when I don't stay focused on my present life.  GOD doesn't want me to dwell on my past, its called the past for a reason.  I can't erase it or change it.  I need to be accepting of my past, living in my present and excited about my future.  GOD also doesn't want me to think too much about the future of my life, because when I do that I miss out on all the blessings GOD is sending my way.  HE is telling me,  "don't blink."

"All to often people are so busy that they put off enjoying their family and friends and then when its too late they regret that they did not make better choices." 

This is me, in realizing I blinked, I don't want to waste anymore time, and cherish every moment I am given with my children, as it all happens in a blink.  I want to live my life knowing that every single moment is a gift from GOD.  I want to live knowing that just by waking up this morning I have been given the precious gift of my life.  Another day to spend with those I love, and bring GOD's kingdom of heaven here to earth. 

"We should celebrate life and the people GOD has placed in our path.  Life is to be enjoyed, not dreaded or regretted." 

I don't want to waste anymore precious time not enjoying my amazing life, and living with all the regrets because I blinked.  I want to focus on the present, and be at peace with my past, I don't want to miss anything.  When I leave this world, I am leaving it with no regrets.

So if you are like me and you "blinked" GOD wants you to know it's not too late to start living in the present.  Choose to be at peace with your past, enjoy your present and be excited about your future.


Sunday, June 23, 2013

Pursue Peace

I often find myself "losing it" on the inside which then bleeds to the outside.  It happens so quickly that when it passes I am left in its dust.  During my "losing it" I pull myself farther away from GOD who loves me unconditionally.  I forget in my humanness that NOTHING surprises HIM, even though I am caught off guard.  I know that when I "lose it" no matter how hard I try it seeps out, and wreaks havoc over my relationships with others.  Yesterday was no exception.  Instead of pursuing peace yesterday I was easily offended and "lost it."  In doing so I hurt many feelings of my family memebers.  I went to bed early with a migraine feeling so defeated.  I had once again let the joy robber, rob me of my peace.  I didn't sleep well as a result, and when I looked at the clock for the last time I saw it was nearing 5am.  I had decided I wouldn't get up and spend time with GOD, and I refused to workout!  After all I hadn't slept well, and surely I wouldn't have the energy to do anything.  I deserved to sleep in, afterall I was worn out.  In my reasoning with myself, GOD let me know that indeed I did need to get up, and I did need to work out.  HE let me know that I couldn't stay where I was at in my pity party.  Oh poor me, I messed up, its all my fault, poor me.... boo hoo.... life is hard.... So I in needing peace for my soul, I got up and plunged into HIS word.

Power Thought #9 I pursue peace with GOD, myself, and others ~ isn't it ironic how when right after we have done something foolish, GOD will just reveal HIS will for our lives.  Oh here it comes again, a nice slice of humble pie.  I admit I was wrong, and in doing so I am choosing peace.  I know that in order to have peace in all areas of my life, I must pursue peace.  I need to be determined that I will NOT settle for anything less for my life.  I, Heather cannot expect everyone and everything else to change just so I can have peace.  Instead I have to actively choose to pursue peace.  I need to relinquish control over the things of which I cannot control.  I can't control anyone else's emotions, but I can control mine.  I need to shed my pride and realize that it is ME that needs to change.  I must put on the attitude that "I" will do whatever it takes to have peace in my life. 

"Depart from evil and do good; seek, inquire for, and crave peace and pursue it." Psalm 34:14

"I have told you these things, so that in ME you have peace and confidence.  In the world  you have tribulations and trials and distress and frustration: but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world" John 16:33

"If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

Today I am choosing peace, not just with others but with myself.  I am choosing to shut off the negative self talk, and refusing to be easily offended.  Today I am forgiving myself for my mistakes just as the LORD has forgiven me. 

" Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord" Acts 3:19

For anyone who has NOT forgiven themselves for their mistakes, GOD wants you to know that HE will forgive you all you have to do is ask.  I pray that today will be the day that you actively pursue peace with GOD, yourself, and others.  I pray that HIS daily teaching will be a blessing to your life today.


Saturday, June 22, 2013

10 of 35

Well today is the day!  I woke up and my first thought was 10 years!  10 years of being saved!  10 years of a relationship with Jesus!  Ten years of being refined!  10 years of being rescued!  10 years of walking towards total freedom!  10 years of being loved unconditionally!  Praise YOU Jesus that I am not any where near I used to be, and I am getting where I need to be!  Lord Jesus Thank YOU for my life, the storms in my life which have made me who I am today!  Lord Jesus Thank YOU for my amazing family, who challenge and encourage me daily to follow the paths you have set for me!  Thank you Lord that with just "one touch" I was saved, and so was D!  Thank YOU for saving us both at the same moment!  Thank YOU for knowing excatly what we both needed!  Thank YOU for your one touch of my heart, and then my children's hearts, and their friends hearts, and their parents heart!  Lord Jesus Thank YOU!

So here I am on the morning of my 35th birthday, and this is truly unlike any other birthday I have ever had.  Today I didn't wake up thinking, hmmm it's my birthday I wonder what they will surprise me with today?  Instead I just woke up feeling so alive, and it is all because of HIS love & grace!

" For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

"For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!" Romans 5:17

"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

It is with HIS love and grace that I am saved.  Jesus knocked on the door of my heart during the darkest time of my life.  I was a young married mama of two sweet girls.  I was filled with so much pain and strife, and didn't know how I could possibly live through another day.  My husband D was so overwhelmed and didn't know how to help me.  I was trapped, trapped in my own private hell.  At the time I couldn't trust anyone to say anything of my past, and if I'm being honest I don't think I even trusted myself to utter the words of my past.  Satan had me right where he wanted me.  Little did he or I know that GOD had other plans.  Plans to rescue me, plans to save me from ending my life too soon.   Plans to grow me and prosper me.  Plans for an amazing future with D and my children.  GOD knew. 

Over the next 10 years HE would reveal to me where HE was during my darkest days.  Even as a child, HE was there.  GOD showed me that throughout the years of abuse I went through as a child and young adult HE was there.  HIS heart broke to know HIS child was being hurt.   It is because of knowing that HE was there that HE was able to help me forgive the people who hurt me.  HE was able to fill my heart with love & compassion for them.  Never in a million years would I have chosen to forgive, I wanted Justice!  When I first confessed of all that had happened to me I wanted the person responsible to pay!  I wanted them to ROT!  After all isn't the greatest sin a sin against a child?  Well let me tell you, not in GOD's eyes, you see in GOD's eyes NO sin is greater than any other.  I will never forget the day HE asked me to forgive them.  I was terrified. I felt like if I gave forgiveness to them they would be justified in hurting me.  The Lord challenged me by asking me, "do you not trust me enough to know how much I have fought and will continue to fight for you?"  "If you forgive I will take away every tear, every fear, and you will be able to go through the rest of your life without worry or memories to follow you."  It has been 8 years now since I forgave this person, and they have since passed on.  I know in my heart that Justice was served, not by me, but by my Heavenly Father, who has fought and will continue to fight for me.

10 years ago if you would have said that GOD was coming to rescue me, and that I was going to be a woman of GOD and I was going to "share" my story I would have told you that your crazy.  However, this is exactly what my life is today.  Today through the gift of Salvation in choosing Jesus knowing HE was born to this earth, and lived among us.  Who was crucified for telling the world HE was GOD's SON, and showed us how to live, love, and give compassion to others.  Who died a horrific death on the cross to pay for my sins and yours.  Who's Father loved us all so much that HE sent HIS only son.... I can't even begin to thank HIM for that amazing gift.  I received it all through "one touch" and HE healed me forever.

As the tears stream down my face this morning I pray that anyone who reads my blog who hasn't received the gift of Salvation, and isn't in a relationship with Jesus will know that HE is waiting for you to open the door of your heart to HIM.  HE wants and desires a relationship with you, so that you will be blessed with the gift of eternity with HIM and HIS Father in heaven. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should notperish but have eternal life." John 3:16

 "One touch" my friends is all it takes"

Today I will celebrate the most amazing 10 years of my 35 years of life with amazing family.


Friday, June 21, 2013

Opposites Attract

When I met D we were 16 & 17 years old.  He was the nicest guy I had ever talked to, and I knew immediately I wanted to be around him more and more.  The truth is we were NOTHING alike!  I was a fiesty firey girl who was strong willed, knew my opinions and wasn't afraid to share them.  I judged people just by the way they looked at me, and I chose friends who were just like me.  That is until D walked into my life.  He was and still is really at peace with most everyone.  It is rare that he yells and gets mad.  He stays calm, cool, & collected.  During the first few years of our relationship we realized just how "opposite" we were of each other.  D likes to say I was a "decepticon" you know from Transformers.  I like to say GOD wasn't refining me yet ;)  The truth the first 6 years of our relationship were completely turmoil filled. Due to my past which GOD wouldn't reveal until 7 years in.  I was hurt, lost, angry, bitter, judgemental, harsh, uncaring, unloving, and unkind wife and mother.  I had allowed all of my past seep into my heart and let it come hardened.  I didn't realize how much my past was destroying my present and future. 

In December of 2001 there was a sudden death in our family, and I began to say out loud, "why am I still here?"  "Why didn't you take me?"  D knew something was terribly wrong, and decided it would be best for us to move so that hopefully I could have some peace.  In the summer of 2002 we moved to Hoffman Estates and our marriage was holding on by a thread.  D and I tore each other apart for each other's faults.  He was becoming me..... In late September 2002 D decided we would be "good parents" and take our two little girls to Sunday School.  We were on divorces door step.  I will never forget that morning, getting the girls dressed up, putting on a dress, D dressed up, getting into the car, driving to what I "thought" was a cute little church named Willow Creek Community Church.  Imagine my shock that when we pulled into parking lot and seeing the size of the church.  For those of you who don't know Willow Creek is a Mega Church.  It is home to an average of 35,000 people per weekend!  We walked into Willow and the people were so welcoming.  They took us on a quick tour and we quickly kissed our precious girls goodbye and were escorted to the main auditorium.  I will never forget the very first words I heard.  "Lay your sorrows at Jesus feet and HE will take them from you."  With all the pain in our hearts D and I began to sob.... the ugly cry.  It was later that day we drove home fed the girls, and put them down for a nap.  We climbed into our bed, and made a promise to GOD ourselves and our girls that we would do EVERYTHING it took to save our marriage.  That if after doing EVERYTHING GOD told us to it didn't work, at least we could say we did everything we could. 

During the next few months GOD really spoke to both of us through HIS word about loving one another.  Things were still tense at times, but slowly HE began to chip away at the ENORMOUS chips on our shoulders.  Slowly HE began to soften the hardened hearts of two people who were so opposite that they were destined to be together.  On Valentine's Day 2003 I surprised D with the news that we were indeed going to be parents again.  I was so happy as I thought he would feel the same way.  In March of 2003 we went to the dr. to confirm the pregnancy, and the dr. determined that indeed things were not ok.  One week later they were able to confirm that this pregnancy was ending.  On March 13, 2003 D and I had our 1st miscarriage.  I was devastated, and he was so relieved.  I was angry, and he was calm.  Little did we know GOD was working within us.   May of 2003 Randy Travis came to Willow Creek and sang the "baptism" song.  They showed a video of Willow's baptism's and I knew right then I would either walk right into the arms of Jesus or I would close the door and never look back.  I chose Jesus.  Tomorrow I will celebrate with my family not only my 35th Birthday but also the greatest day of my life 10 years of Salvation!  On June 22, 2003 along with D I spoke in front of 5,000 people my testimony and why I was choosing Jesus.  A testimony that  I deemed small, and had NO idea just how much it would grow. 

GOD slowly revealed to me that I married someone who was the complete opposite of me.  I never understood how or why D would do the things he did.  I was always frustrated that he wouldn't do things "my" way, failing to realize just how blessed I was to have a husband who was my strength where I was weak.  Slowly GOD taught me just how amazing our life story was becoming.

When we were on divorces door step we were only in year 3 of marriage, and I am so happy to say that D and I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage on October 17!  GOD has worked in both of us these past ten years.  Revealing where I am weak D is strong, and where he is weak I am strong.  We know that we make a great team, and the reason that we have a great marriage is because we choose to.  We know that Satan is always trying to take us out, and that disagreements can be tough, but we know that when we choose to follow GOD's will for our lives that everything will fall into place.  That GOD knew that these two "opposite" people were made for each other.   

There are no two people alike, therefore I should be encouraging people and not tearing them down because of their flaws.  Instead I should be loving them inspite of their flaws.  Just like GOD changed and softened my heart towards D, HE can and will do the same for everyone who is in my life.  I need to understand that not everyone is like me.  That HE created them uniquely different for HIS purpose.  I heard a voice say this morning, "How boring life would be if we were all alike."  How true that it is!

D and I have 5 children and NONE of them are alike.  In order for our family to get along great, we had to choose to get along.  We had to learn to be accepting.  I, Heather had to be accepting that the people in my family are NOT mind readers, and don't just automatically "know" how I do things.  To add that just because they don't "do" things the way I would do them doesn't make it wrong.  GOD made us all uniquely different for a reason.  HE wants us to allow each other the freedom to be who we are and be loved for whose we are.  In the end we are all GOD's children and we need to love and respect one another. 

So today I am thanking GOD that "opposites attract" as D and I wouldn't be where we are if we weren't just that! 

Lord Jesus I pray for the hearts of the "opposites" to be softened Lord.  That they will see what a blessing their "opposite" is in their lives.  That they will be loving, and encouraging no matter what "flaws" may be seen.  In Your Holy Name, Amen.

Happy 1st Day of Summer my sweet friends!  Enjoy the this glorious day the Lord has made!


Thursday, June 20, 2013


Last night I spent a lovely evening with "sisterhood" from Elevate church.  It was a nice dinner out with no children, and just fun girl talk!  It was exactly what I had been needing.  I have been dealing with a lot of turmoil in my life for quite some time now, so a night off was such a blessing.  I went to bed so thankful for being able to get out and get my mind off of me, and all my stresses.

Power Thought #9 I pursue peace with God, myself, and others

When I am at peace with GOD then I am no longer able to sin without repenting quickly.  For me to receive my salvation through HIM I need to be at peace about my sins, and I must confess all of my sins and seek HIS forgiveness.  I always say, "becoming a Christian really takes all the fun out of sinning."  What I mean is, I am so aware of my sin the moment it happens that I immediately feel remorse and seek HIS forgiveness.  I am thankful that the HOLY SPIRIT works in me and through me that way.  It keeps me from making some really big mistakes that could be life changing.

In the past when I have sinned I have run away from GOD.  When instead I should have fell into HIS arms and asked for forgiveness.  I am learning that NOTHING I do surprises HIM.  HE knows what I am going to do, and when I am going to do it.  I know that and HE knows that, HE is just waiting for me to acknowledge that, and ask for HIS forgiveness.  HE is faithful and can, will, and does forgive me always.

" If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

In order for me to be at peace with GOD I must obey HIM.

"Do your best & God will do the rest"

What I, Heather cannot do in the flesh HE will do.  When I allow HIM to lead me, HE will give me the rest that I need.  I choose to trust HIM that HE will make my paths straight.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

In other words, what I don't know and understand HE does.  HE has it all planned out for me.  I just need to trust HIM and when I do HE will show up BIG in my life!  HE loves me and wants only what is best for me.  HE just requires my full cooperation.

I know I strive to be at peace with GOD daily.  I know I beat myself up when I don't feel at peace and I know that is NOT what HE wants for me. Joyce Meyer says that when she feels like that she says, "I am not where I need to be, but thank GOD I am not where I used to be."  I am thankful that statement is true in my life.  I am NO where near what I used to be, but I also understand I have A LOT of growing to do, and as long as I am willing HE will teach me everyday what I need to learn.

Right now GOD is showing me just how much I concentrate on all my faults and fail to see my successes.  When I concentrate on my faults they only increase in my life.  When I feel like I can't do anything right, I need to concentrate on what I can do right.  I need to remember that GOD loves me unconditionally, that HE is NEVER surprised by what I say or do.  HE is always faithful to forgive me, all I have to do is ask.  HE wants and desires a relationship with me, and HE is my best friend!

GOD calls me to be forgiving in my realtionships with others, just as HE is forgiving to me.  Instead of being angry when I am hurt, I should forgive the person who hurt me.  I shouldn't hang onto the hurt, as in the long run it only hurts me.  GOD will NEVER pressure me to forgive someone, but HE will lead, guide, urge and prompt me to do so.  HE will NEVER put guilt on me, but rather lovingly remind me that I am not perfect and should never expect perfection from anyone else.  Just as grace is extended to me daily from HIM, I should be extending grace to others.  I shouldn't expect perfection (without flaws)  from myself or others, because without our flaws we wouldn't need Jesus.

Lately I have found myself saying, "I feel so weary and weak of all of this Lord."  Today HE let me know that is was, "all right for me to have weaknesses."  As long as I do my best in every area of my life, than HE will do the rest.  "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13  Though it may seem impossible to me, NOTHING is impossible with HIM.  Whether I am weak or I am strong I am still in Christ and nothing can change that.  GOD will never reject me just because I am weak.  There is a song at church that we sing that whenever I feel weak it is what comes to mind.  "All We Are by Fellowship Church"  "In my weakness its your strength that carries me.  In my secrets your forgiveness sets me free.  In my worry your courage leads me through.  I was dirty but your mercy made me new.  In all my days, In every way, Your all that I need. Surrendered Lord we give you all we are"  I am thankful for this song of worship that has changed my way of thinking and knowing how my heavenly Father sees me and feels about me.

I answered these questions about my relationship with myself this morning:

Do I enjoy spending time alone?  Do I need others to distract me from the way I feel inside?

Am I able to forgive myself when I make mistakes?

Am I patient while GOD is changing me?

How much time to I spend feeling guilty about my past?

Do I compare myself to others? Do I try to be like them?

Do I feel the need to compete with others?  Do I try to be good at what they are good at?

Do I make the worlds standards my standards when it comes to body image and health?

What I have learned today is this, GOD wants me to be ME!  Me, Heather HIS precious child who HE created just the way  I was supposed to be.  I know I am a work in progress or as my husband says, "a construction site."  GOD is always moving me around and repairing another part of me.  I am thankful to know HE is working in me and that HIS plans for me are far greater than anything I can imagine.  I am thankful for all of the storms in my life, as they are what have made "me."  

I pray that today you accept you for who you are!  That you will be able to see just how precious and wonderful you are to your heavenly father! That you will be filled with HIS peace and choose to let HIM lead you.  I pray GOD's best for your life today.


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

HIS Abundance

Power Thought #8 GOD will meet all of my needs abundantly.  For as long as I can remember I have been a "needy person."  My life's cirucmstances have allowed Satan to direct my thoughts to feeling deprived, self pity, jealousy, envy, with an overall feeling of discontent.  These feelings have wrecked countless relationships with people throughout my life.  My thoughts were distorted at a very young age.  I believe that my families thoughts have been distorted from Generation to Generation.  My earliest memories of abuse start at the age of 3 which continued on until I turned 15.  This abuse has kept my thoughts focused on, "I'm needy" since no one could save me from what was happening to me.  I knew I was different but didn't know how to tell anyone what was happening to me.  I was deemed "unworthy" by most everyone in my family.  Except my Gram, oh how I loved her.  She tried her best to undo the damage that had already been done.  She bought me nice things, and showered me with her love, but it wasn't enough.  It wasn't enough to erase the painful past, present, and for all I could see future.  I was trapped, alone, abused, scared, and hated by so many.  I believe at one point I decided since everyone felt this way about me, then I would make what they were saying about me true.  It was then that Satan took control of my life.  Looking back I can see how much my thoughts and feelings were maniuplated by him.  Satan used so many people in my life to keep me trapped.  I grew up knowing that I didn't deserve anything, and if I ever got anything I was to be thankful, as I didn't deserve it, and frankly they didn't really want to give it to me in the first place.  I grew up with a sense of "unworthiness."  It wasn't until I met my husband D that I received a glimmer of hope that someone other than my Gram could actually love me, flaws and all.   D tried buying me nice things, and I wouldn't let him.  He told me he wanted me to pick out a promise ring, and it could be any ring I wanted.  I chose the smallest ring, and "cheapest," as I knew I didn't "deserve" it.  I have carried this mentality throughout our marriage.  I have always put our childrens needs first, and never bought the things I truly desired.  When I did I had such "buyers remorse" I ended up taking it back and either coming home with something cheaper, or nothing at all.  Most of the time it was nothing at all. 

This past week has been tough for me as I have been reading that GOD desires for me to have nice things.  That it fills HIM with delight to see me happy.  That I am to live with an attitude of expectancy.  "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13 ~ this does NOT mean to live with a sense of entitlement.  I certainly don't "deserve" anything from HIM, however when I choose to align my thoughts, feelings, and actions to HIS will, HE will meet all my needs abundantly.  Through HIS abundance I will receive a renewed mindset, and be able to help others, as HE has equipped me by fulfilling all my needs.  When I am in want for nothing,  I am able to do EVERYTHING for HIM! 

I know that I need to obey GOD, sew good seeds, and know that GOD will meet all of my needs in HIS abundance. 

Lord Jesus create in me a content heart that believes and declares that YOU GOD will meet all of my needs abundantly. By doing this YOU will create in me a healthy mindset that will allow me to prosper in every area of my life.

I believe GOD has blessed me and used me to bless others.  I believe HE uses this blog to reach others.  I believe I am doing what I am supposed to be doing by sharing HIS Daily Teachings. 

Lord Jesus create in me a persistent heart.  One that seeks you earnestly and knows YOU will meet all of my needs abundantly!

I am in awe of just how much GOD loves me that HE is always capturing my heart, and teaching me that I am "worthy" and just how much HE blesses me, and uses me to bless others.

Lord Jesus, I pray for the hearts that read this today will be renewed with persistence Lord.  That they will choose to align their thoughts and feelings to your will.  Father I pray for any agreements that were not from you to be broken, and thoughts to be rebuked.  Father I pray that they know they are "worthy" and you will meet all of their needs abundantly.  In Your Holy Name, Amen.

May your day be full of health and prosperity my friends,


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

"Cheap Attitude"

"Being able to maintain a good attitude during times of suffering is a virtue and it is very important."  Continual suffering is NOT GOD's will for anybody. ~ I am having difficulty writing this morning, as I have hit a mental block.  I know I have a "cheap attitude."  One of which I deem myself unworthy to receive GOD's blessings for my life, so I settle for less than what HE is wanting to give to me in abundance.  It's like when I am shopping, for some specific and find it, and proceed to go pay for it, but then second guess myself, "should I buy it?  is it to expensive?  I could buy this other thing and then use the money on the kids... oh the kids, blah blah blah they always need something.  Before I know it I talk myself out of it, don't buy it, settle for something cheaper of which I didn't want, and isn't what I wanted, or what GOD wanted to bless me with.  For as long as I can remember I have had this "cheap attitude" I decide I don't deserve it.  Growing up I always had hand-me downs, and seldom received something "new."  I was always told new things weren't affordable, and I should just "take what I get and be glad I got it."  That has been ingrained in me, so when I am shopping I hear that all the time, and feel as if though if I don't think that, then I am being ungrateful.  This way of thinking has blocked the maturing process of my faith in how GOD is wanting to bless me.   

"We must never see GOD as a stingy GOD who would withhold anything we need." ~ this is my problem, right here, because of my wrong thinking, and not aligning it to GOD's will for my life, HE is unable to provide for my needs abundantly.  Pride is a huge problem for me.  Being prideful that I take care of myself, and don't ask for help from others, so when other's do offer help, I deem myself unworthy and feel horrible that I need some one else's help.  As I read further this morning I came accross this " God blesses us so that we can bless others."  This past Christmas our family's needs were provided for completely.  Two weeks before Christmas the transmission on our van went out.  GOD provided the means for us to get it fixed, but it left us with almost nothing for Christmas for our 5 children.  I was so sad, and began to pray that some how we could still have Christmas with our children.  Well let me tell you GOD showed up and delivered BIG for our family.  I was overwhelmed by how HE used people to provide a wonderful Christmas for our family.  HE even blessed my husband and I.  I was blessed with many new clothes, and since I had lost weight I was able to wear them right away.  I ended up going through my closet and getting rid of my larger clothes and payed them forward to a woman who didn't have anything that fit her.  She came to my house to pick up the clothes, and had tears in her eyes.  She was so thankful, and when she got home she messaged me to thank me for the clothes especially a red sweater I had place amongst the clothes.  It had been and was my favorite sweater.  I wore it every year for the past 5 years at Christmas time, I felt so beautiful in it, and got a lot of compliments on it, so naturally when I heard a voice inside say, "that one too..." well to be honest I was hesistant.  The voice said," haven't I just blessed you with new clothes?"  So I carefully took my favorite sweater off the hanger, said a quick prayer, and placed it with the rest of the items in the bag. 

In blessing me, HE used me to bless someone else.  In my time of "need," HE provided, and provided for her as well. 

I didn't share my prayer request with anyone but GOD this past year, and out of the blue a wonderful angel of a woman called me up and said, "I have somethings in my garage, I felt GOD tell me its for your family."  After that phone call the blessings just kept coming.  I know now that because I let GOD bless me abundantly, HE used me to bless someone else abundantly.

I need to be reminded in my small mindedness that just because GOD isn't answering me in what I think is the right "time," it may just in fact not be in the right "time."  I get really excited when I  think I know what GOD is going to do in our lives, and then get easily discouraged when HE doesn't do anything like I  thought HE would do.  Fortunately for me, GOD is in control HIS timing is perfect and just because HE is telling me no, just means HE has something better in mind for me. 

I should NEVER doubt how much GOD loves me and just how much HE wants to bless me.

Matthew 6:25-27 really speaks to me, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" ~ if GOD cares so much for the birds of the air, then surely HE cares for me, and therefore I shouldn't worry about anything, as HE always provides for my every need.

Lord Jesus I don't want to be someone of little faith.  Create in me a "shield of faith" so I will know without a doubt YOU will always provide for my every need.  Help me to see me how YOU see me, and create in me a humble heart to receive the blessings you give to me.

GOD sees me as valuable and wants to bless me with nice things.  GOD wants to bless me, so I must get rid of my "cheap attitude," and instead have a healthy self-image that I am worthy of HIS blessings.

Today I pray for anyone who has a pride problem just as myself.  That you will open your hearts up to what GOD wants to do for you in your life.  I pray for GOD's best for your life today.


Monday, June 17, 2013

"I'm Needy"

"Because of the trauma's I experienced early in life, I became extremely negative as an adult in my outlook on life.  I was always waiting for the next disaster, and I expected it to be right around the corner." ~ When I read this I felt as if though Joyce Meyer wrote this book for me.  This is me, I suffered a lot of trauma growing up as a young girl, all the way through my young adulthood.  At the tender age of 23 GOD started speaking to me, and not until I turned 25 did I fully give my life to HIM.  You see I have always had "trust" issues.  I have always had an "I'm Needy" mindset.  I was raised by selfish people, who didn't know how to care for me, who were also raised by selfish people.  I guess you would say it was a generational curse.  Things that happened to me in my life changed me, and I am still learning just how much it changed me.  Thankfully GOD loves me enough to capture my heart daily and rescue me from my fears, and fills in the gaps of all my "needs." 

This past year GOD began to reveal to me just how much my life was dominated by fear.  I was fearful of everything.  Was I a good enough wife, mama, friend?  How did other's view me?  Always second guessing myself, did I say the right thing, do the right thing?  I lost sleep and became very ill.  Sadly it all happened while I was expecting my 5th child and I didn't even get to enjoy my pregnancy.  I was so dominated by fear that I was always on edge whenever I went to my o.b.  I kept waiting for him to tell me that something else was wrong.  That was because I had a lot of complications with my pregnancy, but what I failed to realize was that GOD was with me, and was in control.  Seth was born healthy, and even with a few bumps in the road with nursing he is now a health 8 month old baby who is sitting up, on the verge of crawling, and is doing new things everyday.  In letting go and letting GOD I am learning to trust HIM with everything.

I know that when I become "needy" I feel depressed.  Such a deep level of depression that affects me spiritually, mentally, physically, financially, and socially.  I can't see the bright side of things, I lose sleep, I'm tired all of the time.  I am doom and gloom when it comes to our families future, and I pull away from relationships with people, so they won't see or know how depressed I am.  It seems as if though in my past everytime I get really on "Fire" with my faith, Satan is there to fill my head with TONS of negative wrong thoughts!  I am constantly riding out the next wave praying it doens't pull me under.  GOD however, wants me to know that instead of being fearful during a tough season I should know that HE will provide my every need.  

GOD wants me to Boldly expect that HE will prosper every area of my life, when I align my life to HIS will.  " He doesn't want us to live in fear of losing what we have or being without what we need."  These words are what I need to hear, daily.  I need to know that GOD doesn't want me to live a life of fear but rather a life of freedom, in HIM in HIS promises to always provide for my needs.  HE has never left me hanging in my time of "need," therefore I shouldn't ever be in fear.   HE is asking me to remember that fear is from Satan to keep me from HIM and HIS purpose for my life.  I need to make sure that I open the right door in my life, that is of FAITH and not fear!

GOD delights in providing for my needs.  He wants to see me happy and to enjoy the blessings HE pours over my life.  I must allow HIM to create in me a new mindset that HE loves providing for my every need.  I must NOT allow Satan to put the wrong thoughts in my mind, and rebuke them so that they will NOT become my reality.  Instead I MUST have a mindset that I can trust GOD that HE knows me best, and knows what's best for me.  HIS plans are far greater than anything I can imagine.  Even when HE doesn't do things "my way" HIS was is far better.  " Cast down those wrong thoughts and bring every thought captive into the obedience of Jesus Christ." 2 Cor 10:5

When I see myself as a child of GOD, I know I am a person HE loves and is happy to provide for all of my needs, then I will become a person who isn't needy.

"All of my needs are met according to GOD's riches in Christ Jesus" Phillipians 4:19

"GOD blesses me and makes me a blessing to others" Genesis 12:2

"I give and it is given unto me, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over." Luke 6:38

"GOD richly and ceaselessly provides everything for my enjoyment." 1 Timothy 6:17

"I serve GOD and HE takes pleasure in my prosperity." Psalm 35:27

In choosing faith in GOD He will renew my mind that HIS provision will be given to me in abundance according to HIS word.

I believe now looking back I have always been a "needy" person.  Someone who felt NO self worth due to circumstances in my life.  I've never fully trusted and relied on GOD that HE would meet my every need.  I had always tried to trust people, and I was hurt repeatedly.  This hurt allowed me to become guarded with my heart and my trust with everyone including GOD.  I was always waiting for the "other shoe" to drop.  It is now through my faith that I am learning that GOD is with me.  I have not be forsaken, and that HIS plans for me are great.  Through this faith I expect GOD to be faithful to me and I trust HIM to meet all of my needs, and in doing so the door will be open for GOD to work in my life.

"God is waiting to bless people, but he is looking for someone who is expecting his favor" Isaiah 30:18

GOD will never promise me a life without challenges but HE has promised that HE will never leave me.  HE has blessed me with the wisdom to know that and to claim that.  YOU Lord are all that I need and I know that you will meet all of my needs abundantly! 

So today I encourage you my friends, to take off your disguises, masks,  and see yourself as GOD's child.  To witness just how magnificent HE thinks and knows you are!  Believe it!  "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14

Lord Jesus I am expecting YOU to continue to heal my heart Lord.  To strengthen my vision to see myself as you see me.  To continue to become the Wife, Mama, Daughter, Sister, Friend YOU created me to be.  To follow your will for my life, and to trust YOU completely!

Friends, GODS words are annointed to bring transformation to your thinking and to change your life!  I pray today that you will begin a new mindset that GOD's love is abundant and that HE will provide your every need!


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Prosperity is more than money

I was woke up at 2:45am by my sweet little boy Seth wanting to spend time with his Mama.  I nursed him, and rocked him, and his little eyes just kept focused on me.  Before I had Seth I was not very pleasant to be woken up in the night, however after going through two miscarriages, and several health scares with my children I know what a blessing it is to be woken up by a sweet baby who just wanted his Mama. <3  In not wanting to wake the rest of the sleeping household I retreated with Seth to the living room, where I layed him on the couch next to me so I could begin to learn His daily teaching. 

Power Thought #8  God Meets All My Needs Abundantly ~ Throughout my life I have come to know this, NO matter what situation I may be in GOD will always provide what I need.  Even when in my humaness I can't see how.  HE knows how, HE can, will, and does, every time!  I am God's daughter and HE is my Father.  HE loves being the provider of my every need!  One of the things I have taught my children is that GOD made the whole world, so it is all HIS.  However I  think in that statement I too didn't realize just exactly what that meant.  Psalm 24:1 says, " The earth is the Lord's and the fullness of it"  and GOD himself says in Psalm 50:10-12 "for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it."  So if everything is HIS then HE is the one to provide it for us.  When I, Heather choose to obey & trust GOD HE will make sure all my needs are met.  In the past I have gotten caught up on fulfilling my "wants" rather than my needs.  In looking back HE has always provided my every need, and many of my wants. 

When I think of my needs I tend to only think of physical needs, food, shelter, clothing, etc.  However GOD wants to supply for all of our other needs too.  HE is our supplier for wisdom, strength, health, friends, loved ones, as well as our spiritual gifts and abilities to fulfill our purpose that HE has chosen for us.  It is because of these gifts and abilities that HE is able to provide for everyone.  HE uses us as vessel to help supply the needs of all of HIS children.  The apostle John  wrote " Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers."  3 John 2   He didn't mention having money as being prosperous.  He was talking about being focused on body and soul.  When I take care of my body, provide good nutrition, exercise, get plenty of sleep, and avoid stress ( which is the whole reason I started this bible study) then I can expect GOD to heal me of whatever is ailing me.  Not only will GOD prosper me in my health, but also my finances, relationships with people, and my spiritual gifts.  I cannot reap what I do not sow!  Galaltians 6:7 "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."  If I sow mercy, I will reap mercy.  If I sow judgement, I will reap judgement.  If I sow grace, I will reap grace.  What I do unto others will be done unto me. 

One of the greatest lessons in prosperity that I have ever learned is this, when I forgive, I will be forgiven.  So many times in my life GOD has asked me to forgive the "unforgiveable" in the flesh.  When I obeyed HIM I prospered in my faith, that I otherwise would not have ever known.  I want to prosper in every area of my life. I choose to be a friendly person, so others will be friendly to me.  I choose to be a generous person, so other's will be generous to me.  If what I do, say, and feel all align with GOD's purpose for me HE will prosper me!  Joyce Meyer says this "when our soul prospers we flourish on the inside."  I know that when I trust GOD and let HIM lead me, HE pours HIS blessings all over my life.  When I don't obey HIM, HE will get my attention by making my life very difficult until I look at HIM and repent.  I cannot do this on my own, I have to have HIM lead me!  GOD prospers me when I get my focus off myself, and on put it all on HIS will for my life.  In fulfilling HIS will I am content, and live with a sense of purpose.  I grow spiritually as my faith matures.  My relationships with HIM and people are strong and loving.   When I am a faithful steward and manager to GOD's money HE will bless me.  In being a faithful steward I am a vessel to GOD supplying the needs for others.  I should respect GOD's money and not waste it.  In the book of proverbs it is stated over and over again the importance of being good managers of GOD's money.

I am learning the importance of being a good & faithful servant in everything I do for GOD.  When I obey & trust HIM HE will supply all of my needs.

Lord Jesus, I pray for the lives of the people who read this are radically changed and that you will rock their world just as you have rocked mine.  That the truth of Your sacrifice for them will be cemented deep into their hearts.  That they will choose You Lord, to be their leader, provider, protector and Savior of their lives.  Father that their lives will be overflowing with Your blessings, and that they will know that YOU will meet all of their needs abundantly!  In Your Holy Name, Amen

May you all have blessed Father's Day and remember to thank your Heavenly Father who loves you more than anyone else!