" For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
Hebrews 4:12-13
Why oh why am I so human? Why do I fall for the lies, deceptions, and distractions of this world? Why do I find myself caught up in the gossip, slander, and judgments of others? Why do I accept the invitations to be less than GOD honoring? Why do I do the things I shouldn't do, and I don't do the things I should do? Why oh why am I so human?
So much of my before CHRIST life was spent living as a chameleon. No matter who I was talking to, I made sure that my thoughts, words, and actions aligned with whomever I was conversing with. It didn't matter that what I was saying or doing was hurtful, or judgmental, if I kept the bullseye off of me.
Sadly, as I reflect back on my relationships after having given my life to CHRIST, well to be honest not much has changed. Well, I mean I'm not outwardly choosing to gossip or slander or judge someone outrightly. However, I do sit idly by and allow myself to be immersed in the conversations without saying a word. And sometimes, ugh without realizing it, I find myself be a willing participant, because well they hurt me, or "I just can't believe. _____"
HIS DAILY TEACHINGS today has captured my heart and attention and is reshaping my heart and attitude towards how I interact with people. HIS WORD led me straight to Hebrews in talking about HIS SWORD OF TRUTH. Which was preceded by me putting on HIS ARMOR, thinking that I was truly taking up HIS SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, to speak HIS TRUTH. Well, I am beginning to understand that while yes, I am taking up HIS SWORD, I am not using it to its fullest capability. HIS TRUTH that has brought me to my knees in repentance.
The TRUTH is this, NOTHING ELSE, CHRIST IS ALL THAT MATTERS. NOT my feelings, NOT my attitude, NOT my intentions, NOT my truth, NOT my understanding, NOT my way, NOT my why. NOTHING ELSE matters, and I MUST get that planted to BE DEEPLY ROOTED and CULTIVATED by HIM, as HE is, CHRIST IS ALL THAT MATTERS. This HE is teaching, leading, and guiding me to know, to understand, to live and it's ALL for my good.
I am learning the importance of WHY HE has taken so much time to gently and lovingly bring me to a place where I feel safe to surrender, to invite HIM into what is hurting me. To lead me beside the still waters, to allow me to lie down to rest, so that HE will restore my soul. Which then leads me to deep repentance because of my deep reverence of HIS HOLY, MAJESTIC, and MIGHTY WAYS. This I am learning is what to fear the LORD means.
This morning, I am blown away by HIS GOODNESS for me, to SEE HIS STEADFAST FAITHFULNESS for me once again that HE isn't done with me yet. HE knows how tired I am, how hard I've been fighting to do the next right thing, and how the challenges in my life have left me feeling so battle weary. HE knows how my strength has run out and is teaching me a better way to live. This for me looks like, NOT GIVING UP on HIM, for I know FULL WELL, that time after time, HE has NEVER given up on me. And in knowing this, I am learning to speak, to share, to write about how HE IS - CHRIST IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
Today my heart is hurting so much for my children, each for vastly different reasons. Because of this hurt, I am opening up and letting HIM in. I'm lifting my eyes to meet with HIM face to face, TO SEE HIM, because HE has taught me that HE is indeed TRUSTWORTHY. That even when the darkest nights try to hide me, HIS LIGHT is ALWAYS shining. This I know to be true, as I have learned in the hardest way in the immense suffering of the deep loss of my son. That even when I was deep in a pit of despair and oppression, I may not have been able to lift my head up, however I could look from side to side, and I could SEE HIS LIGHT that was shining for me. That even when the pain was more than I could possibly bear, HE remained STEADFASTLY FAITHFUL to me, and for me.
This is how I know and can feel HIM pull me even closer to HIM. To hear HIS voice, to BE comforted by HIS peaceful presence. So that my breathing will be steady, and I will feel encompassed by HIS love. So lovingly, gently, full of compassion, and deep empathy, HE speaks straight to my heart HIS TRUTH, that HIS intention for my surrender, and repentance is to make me HOLY LIKE HE IS. In order to do that though, I must choose to live with the attitude, to BE determined, that NO matter what happens, NO matter the circumstances of my life, I MUST BE set apart and made HOLY by HIM. This I know requires me to BE RESOLVED that CHRIST IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
This is my greatest desire: to BE LIKE JESUS. Still, in my humanness, I forget that even though I have learned so much, oh man there's so much more. There are so many more layers to becoming CHRIST LIKE. That HE isn't done with me, HE doesn't look at me and say, "oh you're too broken." Rather HE looks at me with the deepest empathy, and longing for full restoration for me. Knowing this in my mind, praying for understanding and acceptance in my heart, has led me to speaking HIS TRUTH over my life. HE TRULY IS MY PEACE, and HE IS - CHRIST IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
Precious Dear Ones,
Today, you and I are being given the gift of a choice. To choose to live with CHRIST as the center of our lives, or to choose to live the way we want to. This is HIS deeply personal invitation for each and every person that our physical eyes see. At the dawn of each new day we are being given the choice. Never forceful, rather full of deep love, compassion, and empathy. Dear Ones, I've written about how much I have walked through in my life, what I've endured, and have had to face. I have openly shared my anger towards GOD in this journey that is and has been my life, and through it all HE has shown up in the mightiest of ways and has RESTORED me. HE has brought me back to my feet after having been leveled by the deep loss of my son.; HE has remained steadfastly faithful to me, even when I didn't want HIM, or trust HIM. HE remained, HE held me, and waited, pouring HIS strength into me, and flooded me with HIS peace which is what allowed me to keep breathing even when I was sure I would die from my broken heart. TRULY I have learned in the hardest, and holiest of ways that CHRIST IS ALL THAT MATTERS. Perhaps something in today's post is pulling on your heart or is stirring a memory within you. Whatever it is, I pray you'll open your heart to HIM today, even if its to let out the anger or even hatred that you have for HIM. Dear One, HE knows, and HE loves you, even when you don't love HIM, HE loves you and HE has a plan to help you through whatever it is that you're going through. HIS plan always includes, helping you to forgive, even what you can't forget. To heal you, so that you can move forward with your life. To set you FREE from the lies that have held you captive in plain sight. This I know to be TRUE, as I have experienced it, lived it, and am now THRIVING through it (even with tears streaming from my eyes)
ALL FOR HIS GLORY
With the deepest compassion, understanding, and empathy,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,
~Heather
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