"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8
This morning I woke up at 4:30 a.m. feeling HIM tugging at my heart strings in speaking straight to my heart about how lately I have allowed myself to become trapped in a vicious cycle of hurt, anger, offense, animosity, negativity, which only deepens the level of unforgiveness in my heart. Knowing this pans me, as I truly do want, wish, and desire to have a clean heart. A heart that loves just as HE loves, and more importantly a heart that is just as forgiving as HIS is to me.
"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
Sadly, even in my wants, wishes, and desires, one things remains...... I'm human. Hi, I'm Heather and in case we haven't met, I'm human, I laugh, I cry, I feel, I hurt, I scream, I vent, I harbor unforgiveness, I sin, I lie, in short...... I'm a complete and total hott mess. Try as I may, wish as I may, desire as I may, I fall short EVERY single time, and through each fall, HE catches me, sets me back up right ready to try again.
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23
HE is SOVEREIGN, HE is FAITHFUL, HE is TRUSTWORTHY, and even in knowing all of that, I, Heather am still human. So badly I want and desire to BE just like HIM, so that whenever I am "feeling" hurt, offended, shamed, sad, angry, upset etc. I want so desperately to be able to TRUST HIM, and remember that even though the storms are raging and battles are being waged, I must remember that I am HIS, and HE is already fought for me, as my story has already been written, I must remember that in order to conquer the difficulties that this life has in store for me, I must remember that my eyes need to be focused solely on HIM, and NOT on my "feelings" as that is how I become trapped.
"Trust in the with all your heart
I have learned while on this journey towards wholeness with HIM that the harder I lean in, press in, meditate on, soak in HIS word, the harder the enemy comes after me. So much that no matter how far I come in my thinking, being, and doing more like HIM, I still get caught up, wrapped up, in the vicious cycle of being trapped. I have learned that the reason HE has impressed so deeply upon my heart the utmost importance of keeping my eyes, ears, heart, and mind focused on HIM, is so I will be able to not only survive, but conquer the tests trials and storms that HE has designed specifically in my life to build me stronger, and the enemy is hoping will wipe me out.
"Be alert and of sober mind.Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
Today as I journaled, and poured my heart out to HIM, I couldn't help but to feel defeated. In writing out my words to HIM, I knew that HE already knew, and was just waiting for me to admit to those feelings of defeat, so that HE could speak HIS truth where the lies were, and so that I could give my mind a rest from all the attacks that have been placed upon me lately.
The more I rested in HIM, the harder I fell in defeat, as I realized just how trapped I have allowed myself to become in this vicious cycle that is causing me to be overly emotional about anything and everything. I can tell you that even just a look of disapproval, or one word of negativity, judgment, or anger can push me right over the edge.
"“In your anger do not sin” Ephesians 4:26
It used to be that whenever I would be pushed over the edge, I would lash out to the person. I would speak horrible things to them, and would put them down, as I felt the need to protect and defend myself. These days however I don't lash out at anyone, I keep it all inside, until I'm ready to explode, and when I do, words...... ugh....... words of negativity, cursing, anger, hurt, animosity, unforgiveness, hatred..... ugh words.... that speak death and NOT life..... coming pouring out of me..... thus throwing me deeper into the pit of despair and defeat thus keeping HIS TRUTH from me.
'The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21
Loving difficult people has become one of my greatest challenges. As everywhere I go I encounter someone WHO is difficult. There are days where I have just had enough, and I find myself begging HIM to please make it so that ANY and ALL difficult people stay away from me, as I don't have the energy, time or desire to love them......... YIKES!!!! Just writing out my true feelings is tough, as this is NOT WHO HE has created me to be. So today I'm asking myself the difficult question, of which HE has placed on my heart.
Why is it that you can love nice people, and not difficult people?
~ I can love nice people, because they aren't offending me, or hurting me, they aren't judging me and making me feel bad about myself. Nice people tend to tell me ALL the things I want to hear.....
HE is reminding me this morning that I'm not exactly a sunshine filled walk in the park kind of day at times either. HE is telling me that even though I may be difficult, rather when I am difficult, HE still loves me, and HE desires more than anything to set me free from the prison of lies the enemy has worked so hard in keeping me trapped in. HE is reminding me that no matter how many times I sin, HE forgives me, even when I don't realize I'm sinning. HE is reminding me that HE gives me ample opportunities to SEE to know to grow in HIM, that I am able to recognize when I am sinning. HE is telling me this is because HE loves me, even when I'm difficult.
"“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3
Today HE has captured my heart and attention and has been filling me with HIS word, as HE knows that the only way to be set free is to speak HIS TRUTH. HE is wanting me to know that it isn't a part of the plan for me to continue living in this way. HE is telling me that HE has instilled in me HIS power and authority to FIGHT against the enemy and HIS evil schemes. Today HE is opening my eyes, my ears, my heart, and my mind to SEE difficult people as HE SEES them. Today HE is lovingly reminding me that every single person that my eyes SEE, HE deeply loves them. This means that HE loves even the people WHOM I walk away from, distance myself from, guard myself from, and hide myself from. HE loves them, just as HE loves me.
" I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." Luke 10:19
HE is reminding me that is WHY HE has impressed so deeply upon my heart that I am to LOVE people, to BE HIS light, to SHINE HIS light, for the broken people of this world. To BE HIS ambassador, to lead people, by choosing to speak HIS TRUTH, speak LIFE into this dark and fallen world that is so FULL of the last, the least, and the lost. Today HE is reminding me of how I used to think, speak, and act, and is wanting me to know that if I am worth saving, then so is everyone else.
"We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God." 2 Corinthians 5:20
Today HE is telling me NOT to be discouraged when someone difficult walks into my path, rather lean in , press into HIM, TRUST HIM, and know that HE already has everything worked out for HIS good. TRUST and know that HE doesn't set me up for a fall, that HE is for me. TRUST HIM that even when I fall, HE is there to catch me, to build me, to pour HIS strength into me, so that HIS good will prevail, and evil will be destroyed. Today HE is wanting me to remember that when I am feeling defeated, I must seek HIM, come to HIM for rest, repent of my sins, and TRUST and know that through HIS forgiveness to me, is how HE will teach me to do the same to people WHO have done the same thing to me.
" The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, friends, I know how hard it is to live in this world where people feel as if though they have the right to think, say, and do whatever they feel like no matter how hurtful, wrong, or offensive they may be. I pray that if you too are hurting today from failing to love difficult people, know that you are NOT alone. HE is there, HE is with you, and when you seek HIM, you will find REST in HIM, and HE will pour HIS strength into you to help you deal, cope, and manage the difficulties that have been placed in your life. I pray today that you will have the courage to let go of your humanness, and seek HIS TRUTH so that you too will be set free from your own pit of despair that has you trapped.
Always in love and prayers, with much grace and compassion,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,