Tears fall as I try so hard to accept and embrace that this really is what HIS plans are. How LORD, how can this really be? How can my heart just be so unimaginably, unfathomably broken. How LORD, how will I live, can I live with this heartache forever? How can this be? How is it that Seth couldn't be here? Why wasn't there any warnings? Why didn't you let us fight for him? Why LORD must I cry every day, as I watch each of my children struggle to come to terms with the very fact.... our devastating reality that their little brother's life is over. We were seven LORD, seven.
Oceans pool at my feet, as tears fall like rain, and flow down my cheeks into my lap.... never have I had to cry so hard, for so long, so deep, heartbreak unknown......... I ache, I beg, I plead, I want so desperately to understand... to know the answers to my questions...... My final plea tonight is, but I loved Seth LORD, we love him, he should be here......
I feel HIS embrace wrap tightly around me as HIS words flow deep into my heart....
"Because I love you more..... I love Seth more.... I know how much you love him.... Even though you may not feel MY love for you in this heartache, I promise ONE DAY this will ALL make sense..... because I love you more...."
Tears fall hard.... and come crashing down, into the sorrow of the deepest part of my soul. Oh GOD how I ache, I hurt...... but I TRUST you LORD, with ALL I am.....
"Into YOUR hand I commit again... With ALL I am... For YOU LORD.... YOU hold my world.... in the palm of YOUR hand... and I'm YOURS forever... JESUS I BELIEVE in YOU.... JESUS I BELONG to YOU.... YOU'RE the REASON that I LIVE..... the REASON that I SING..... With ALL I am.... I'll WALK with YOU.... WHEREVER YOU go... through tears and JOY.... I'll TRUST in YOU.... and I WILL LIVE.... in ALL of YOUR WAYS.... and YOUR PROMISES FOREVER... I WILL WORSHIP..... I WILL WORSHIP FOREVER...." Hillsong United "With ALL I am"
HE is the only reason I sing... HE is the only reason I am getting out of bed every single morning. NOT because I don't love my life, but this pain, is more than me, more than anything I could ever handle or face on my own. This journey of walking through grief is NOT something HE ever intended for me to walk alone. HE is there, holding my hand every step of the way. SHINING HIS LIGHT to guide my way. HE knows how hard this is... I know this because with every tear that I shed in the overwhelming sorrow, sadness, pain, and anguish, HE is there to remind me how much HE loves me, and that is far more than I could possibly imagine.
"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:16-19
Tonight I"m clinging to HIS words....... "I love you more" Tonight I'm leaning in and pressing into HIS word, HIS promises that HE'S near, HE hasn't left me, and HE will help me deal with each wave of sadness that "tries" to overtake me. Tonight I'm choosing once again to take that next leap of faith and TRUST that HIS plan is truly what is best.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Tonight I will TRUST that though in my "humanness" I "think" that Seth is better off living here with his dayee and sissy's and big brother, and his mama.... I know the TRUTH, HIS TRUTH and this is that HE loves each of us far more than we could ever love each other. Tonight I'm clinging to HIS promise that HEAVEN is our HOME, the TRUTH that I cling to that this life as hard as it may be, is temporary. Tonight I'm clinging to HIS promise that HE will always be there to catch every single one of my tears. Tonight...... as I sit here in the quiet, I'm soaking in HIS presence. Tonight..... I'm reflecting on my journey of how far HE has brought me, and thinking about HIS TRUE CHARACTER.
"The is compassionate and gracious,He will not always accuse,he does not treat us as our sins deserveFor as high as the heavens are above the earth,as far as the east is from the west, As a father has compassion on his children,for he knows how we are formed,
Tonight I'm pressing deep into HIS word of WHO HE IS, and NOT listening to the nonsense that the enemy is wanting me to believe. Rather I'm pressing deep into HIS truth of ALL that HE has done, is doing and will continue to do in my life. Tonight I'm choosing to FIGHT the GOOD FIGHT by shutting down, shutting out, and shutting up the LIES that Satan "tries" to entice, to seek, kill, and destroy with. Tonight I will FIGHT with ALL that I am, that HE is BUILDING me to be, so that at the end of this life, I will be able to stand before HIM and say that I have fought the good fight, I have been HIS servant, I have been ALL in, and I NEVER gave up. I have answer HIS call to my life, as "anything YOU ask of me LORD I will do, I TRUST YOU, I LOVE YOU."
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:12
"Be strong, and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The will do what is good in his sight.” 2 Samuel 10:12
"Be strong, and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The will do what is good in his sight.” 1 Chronicles 19:13
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
Tonight I'm pressing deep into my FAITH and TRUSTING HIM that HIS plan, HIS purpose for my life, is to go through these very thoughts, so that HE can pour HIS truth into me, and when I choose to speak HIS words of TRUTH that is when HIS power and authority come ALIVE in me to FIGHT!!!
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
My Dear Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST JESUS, oh my dear ones, you are so NOT alone. NEVER alone as HE is with you..... always. I pray that if you too are finding yourself in tears so overwhelming in sorrow, I pray that you will feel HIS warm embrace engulfing you as HE is holding you. I pray that if you have yet to receive our SAVIORS love, that you will have the courage to seek HIM, repent, ask for forgiveness of your sins, and receive HIM dear ones as your SAVIOR. I pray this for you because I love you, because HE loves you, and just knowing that I, Heather, maybe someone who is a world away from where you are right now, am praying for you. Just remember..... HE LOVES YOU MORE.
Always in my prayers are the hearts of the readers of HIS Daily Teachings,
With much love grace, compassion, and understanding,
Your Sister in CHRIST JESUS,