Sunday, January 12, 2014

"as I know HIM"

This morning, I was hurrying to get in my reading, and journaling before church.  Like always I began to write out the condition of my heart, and this morning this is what I wrote:

"Lord JESUS, if ever there is moment where I forget YOU, remind me of WHO you are.  WHO you have been, what YOU have done, what you are doing, and what YOU will continue to do.  Remind me LORD...... ALWAYS, I love you, Love, Heather"

At the time when I wrote this, I didn't have a clue as to why I wrote that, but it was what was on my heart, so I wrote it, not knowing what I would be learning once I got to church.  By now NOTHING should surprise me in the lengths that HE will go to capture my attention and my heart.  This morning was extraordinary, as I began to pray, "LORD reveal YOURSELF to me today, show me WHO YOU are in my life, show me what I am supposed to do."

As Pastor Dave Mudd began to speak, he recapped what we learned last week about being called to build HIS church.  I thought back to the jenga block that I wrote on last week, and thought about how I really didn't give much thought to it once the church service was over.  Honestly, I didn't think another thought about it, until he mentioned it.  So clearly, I didn't focus on what I learned last week.

Which leads to what HE is telling me today.  HIS Daily Teachings today was to remind me that I am on HIS mission, as a missionary to bring HIS Kingdom of HEAVEN here to Earth.  That I am called to be a disciple to others, and that I am called to speak HIS truth, and HIS word.

During worship this morning we sang this song that made me smile from the inside out.  "Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains, go on and tell it to the masses that HE IS GOD!"  The more I sang that song, the more I felt it burn deep into my soul that MY mission, HIS mission for my life, was clear.  

HE is telling me today that I am called to do HIS mission, the mission that started when HE came to this earth, to live amongst us, who was sent here to show us how to live, me, Heather, the hott mess, how HE can, will, and does turn my hott mess into HIS powerful message!  I am called to shout it out, my message, HIS message, HIS story of my life.  My small part that is part of HIS HUGE story, that is life changing.

HE is wanting me to know that I am no longer to just talk about what HIS Daily Teachings are for my life, rather I am to live it!  SHOUT IT SCREAM IT!!! LIVE IT!!!! ALL OF IT!!!  It's overwhelming to me that HE is depending on me in this way, as I am always afraid of what others will think of me when I share my faith with them.  HE is telling me today that HE doesn't care what I think, or other's think, what matter's is what HE thinks, and I must trust HIM completely that NO matter how I may be judged in the flesh, when I follow HIM, and speak, and live out HIS word, I will be living HIS will for my life.

Today HE has brought me to my knees first in church, and now once again that I am in my home, sitting at my computer, and "trying" to type what it is that I "think" HE is wanting me to share.  I am feeling so overwhelmed knowing that HE is calling me to be so transparent about my struggles and failures.  The doubts, and fear that I have allowed myself to be lead by.  Just watching our Pastor fall to his knees at the knowledge that the weight of what HE has called us to do, seems as if though it is so unattainable.  

However, I couldn't help but to smile as the more Pastor spoke about knowing HIM, and making HIS name known in this world, that even my Pastor was overwhelmed, and through my confusion and my vision and thinking being clouded, HE reached through all of that, and captured my attention, my heart, my soul, all of me, HE captured me once again.

I am thankful that even in my greatest moments of doubt, HE reveals HIMSELF to me in a way that I know that it could only possibly be HIM.  I am thankful that it is in my darkest hours that HE finds me right where I am, and lifts me up and carries me as far as I need till I can stand.  

I am learning that on the days where I wonder whether or not I should share something about HIM, those are the days where I most definitely should.  I am learning that my story is worth being told, as it is HIS story, and the hope, and peace that people receive from hearing my story is worth every bit of criticism I receive, as only I and well HE knows the truth. 

HIS truth has been revealed to me once again, that as I know HIM, HE is my CREATOR, SAVIOR, HEALER, FATHER, and truly MY BEST FRIEND.  I know HIM as all of these things because I have chosen to walk with HIM each and every day of my life.  I have made a promise to HIM and myself that I would ask HIM to teach, lead, and guide me through every single step of my journey towards wholeness with HIM.

"We are spiritual contributors NOT spiritual consumers" Pastor Dave Mudd, Alpine Chapel

As I began to think about what that meant for my life, GOD revealed to me a time in my life where I depended on the church to carry me through in my faith.  I depended on someone else's teachings rather than going straight to the source HIMSELF.  HE took me through some of my most painful times where I was dropped flat on my face, as I had become to depend on someone else's faith to see me through.  HE is reminding how horrible I felt, and lonely I felt.  How HE stripped everything away from me so that I would come to know HIM in my own way.

HE is wanting me to know today that just as I lost my way during that time, I can easily repeat the same mistake when I do NOT seek HIM daily and ask HIM to show me how to live my life.  Therefore, I am learning the importance of seeking HIM first in everything that I do, so that I will live HIS WILL for my life.  HE is wanting me to know that if ever I question as to why I am here, all I need to do is seek HIM in HIS word, and HIS truth for my life will be revealed to me.

"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Matthew 28:18-20

I am learning that I am called to be HIS disciple, and share HIS good news with EVERYONE who I come in contact with.  I should be a person that when people look at me they see JESUS in my face, thoughts, and actions.  I must die unto myself, pick up my cross and seek HIM, and give all of me, for HIS mission, I must make HIS mission MY mission!  

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

Today I am so thankful and grateful that HIS plans for my life are far better than I could have ever thought.  I am thankful that HE moved us to this new house, and lead us to this amazing new church.  One where HE has lead me to go where my trust is without borders, where HE has made my faith in HIM stronger as each day passes.  I am thankful that even in my silence that HE is working so hard on my heart, to transform, and renew my heart daily.  I am thankful that I am getting to know my SAVIOR more and more as each day passes.  I am thankful that as I know HIM, HE loves me, no matter how much I mess up, and stray away from HIM.  I am thankful that NO matter what has happened, is happening, or will happen HE is there, and HE loves me, NO MATTER WHAT!

HE is wanting me to know today that HIS mission is to be clear in my mind, and that is:  Refocusing my mission as I know HIM, have known HIM, and will continue to know HIM.  More than ever my mission is clear, and that is to speak HIS truth, no matter what other people may say or think.  I must stop focusing on being a world pleaser, and become a world changer.  I must choose to speak HIS truth NO MATTER WHAT!!!

This for me is hard, as I have always been different from my peers and well most everyone.  I've never really fit in anywhere, I have always been pretty much been every one's friend, but not too many peoples close friend.  For the very few who are in my inner circle will tell you that I am NOT afraid to speak my mind, when I am being HOLY SPIRIT lead, that I will choose to speak HIS truth over your life, so that you will know that you too can follow HIM.  My best friend, as we call each other our bestie's will tell you that the reason we are friends is because of our authenticity.  She isn't afraid to tell me like it is, and likewise the same goes for me.  I thankful for my Bestie, as she keeps me on my toes, and keeps me accountable for all of my thoughts and actions.

As I know HIM, was life changing for me today, as HE has brought me to knees once again.  I am thankful for HIS Daily Teaching for my life today, as without it, I would have missed the mark once again, and that is, doing what HE tells me to do, when HE tells me to do it, no matter how I may think or feel.  That my mission is clear, that it is all about HIM and NOT about me.

I pray today that you will come to know HIM so that you too will be able to do your part in making HIM known in this world.  I pray that HE reveal HIMSELF to you when you seek HIM with all of your heart, soul, and mind.  I pray that you will have the courage to die unto yourself, and choose to pick up your cross and follow HIM, no matter what other's may think, say, or do.  I pray that you will NOT forget WHO HE is and what HE has done for you.  Finally I pray that if you don't know what HE has done for you, I pray today is the day HE will reveal HIMSELF to you in a way that you will know that it can ONLY be HIM.


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